Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

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How many people in your life have you seen troon out?(not including cows)


  • Total voters
    1,261

Toluene Blood

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Oct 25, 2021
I was acquainted with this one cluster B gayden. Softboi mannerisms, long history of dramatic suicide attempts, self-harm, guilt-tripping, etc. Mentally fragile like you wouldn't believe - special ed gave her a personal cheerleader because she'll get suicidal over math questions. Until I met her I didn't realize people could really be like this in real life. She's made her family's life hell for years (though to be fair it already had problems) and it's obvious it's only going to get worse. Her transition won't be the magical transformation she imagines and she will for sure have suicidal meltdowns over it.
Even though I'm not really close to her and her situation is so complicated, I feel like I should have done something more at the time.
 

Marvin

Christorical Figure
True & Honest Fan
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Feb 9, 2013
He shouldn't invalidate your lived experience, gosh.

I agree with telling his parents, and giving details. Older and less-online people don't know the extent to which this is going on, and can't imagine the effects of being able to connect to a 24-hour validation mainline. If they know any part of this, they're probably trying to frame it in the old "man in a woman's body medical issue" context.

Telling him you're worried was the right thing to do. Keep your energy low and stable, be ready for him to cut you off but remind him that you're keeping the door open, not because you want to win an argument but because you care about him.

Hail Mary option is communicating with him in his own language, dank memes.
View attachment 2716482
To build on this, tell his parents, but tell him separately that you're always there if he wants to talk about what he's going through.

Don't scare him off by being possessive or anything. To a limited extent, he needs to see with his own eyes how fucked up these weirdos are and when he starts to have doubts, he needs someone he can come talk to without expecting a giant defensive fight.

In fact, I'd say let him talk at you, avoid saying anything trans critical at least the first conversation or two.

Though you might not even have a first conversation. He might be suckered in already. But that might've been inevitable anyway.

It's a really faggy situation for kids these days.
 

Dreamer

Cube Snek
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Jul 18, 2020
To a limited extent, he needs to see with his own eyes how fucked up these weirdos are
This doesn't just happen.
People don't internalize ideas only to dismiss them a second later unprompted, unlearning is much harder than learning because your thoughts build up on one another.
Without introducing conflict aka contradictory ideas there can be no change, on top of that there has to be some benefit to changing your mind.
You don't have to be hostile or confrontational to get a point across, ill give you that, but waiting around for the autist to just figure it out is silly.

Even if he saw that people around him are kinda shitty (already hard to do for someone with little social experience) then there are other problems:
- even if they're shitty friends, they're still friends, without them he has little else.
- even if they're shitty, he can blame it on their character and not their beliefs.
- even if he knows he's being manipulated he's still getting something out of it, this is how cults operate.

I'm also not a big fan of just "letting people talk" to you, because people will just use that to reinforce their ideas, or to cope.
When someone tells you he he' a shitty job, or is in some miserable situation but doesn't want your help in changing it, he's most likely just looking for support in enduring it, being a shoulder to cry on for a wannabe tranny lets him stay as such. He feels better after the talk and goes back to dialating or whatever.
 

Marvin

Christorical Figure
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Feb 9, 2013
This doesn't just happen.
People don't internalize ideas only to dismiss them a second later unprompted, unlearning is much harder than learning because your thoughts build up on one another.
Without introducing conflict aka contradictory ideas there can be no change, on top of that there has to be some benefit to changing your mind.
You don't have to be hostile or confrontational to get a point across, ill give you that, but waiting around for the autist to just figure it out is silly.

Even if he saw that people around him are kinda shitty (already hard to do for someone with little social experience) then there are other problems:
- even if they're shitty friends, they're still friends, without them he has little else.
- even if they're shitty, he can blame it on their character and not their beliefs.
- even if he knows he's being manipulated he's still getting something out of it, this is how cults operate.

I'm also not a big fan of just "letting people talk" to you, because people will just use that to reinforce their ideas, or to cope.
When someone tells you he he' a shitty job, or is in some miserable situation but doesn't want your help in changing it, he's most likely just looking for support in enduring it, being a shoulder to cry on for a wannabe tranny lets him stay as such. He feels better after the talk and goes back to dialating or whatever.
Yes it does happen, quite a bit, in fact. That's the thing, these people, even the true blue believers in the tranny philosophy in general, are very insecure about this tranny shit as it applies to themselves specifically. They're far more introspective than you realize.

There's tons of trannies going to places like r/asktransgender (pro-tranny) and r/detrans (anti-tranny) asking "am I really trans?" "is this just a fetish?" or "am I making a mistake?", and having the right people to talk to at the right time (who won't chase them off with "bigoted terf talk", as they call it) can be vital.

Edit: Like, I'm not saying don't say anything at all to counter their beliefs, just don't come out swinging immediately. Just be gentle and try to avoid scaring them off. Gradually introduce counterpoints once they feel comfortable with you.
 
Last edited:

bored loser

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Jan 24, 2021
In my experience, once they fully commit and identify as trans (as opposed to questioning/playing with pronouns or fashion), it's too late to get to them. They've already been sucked into the trans void and have been told that anybody questioning is just an evil transphobic bigot who needs to be cut off ASAP. If you can get to them before that, it's helpful if you're the same sex as them because you can do things like, "Oh, yeah, I feel like that sometimes, and so do a whole bunch of other guys/girls I know. It's just a quirk/societal thing/something that doesn't matter (like hobbies)." I'm not sure how you would go about it if you were the opposite sex... When I identified as nonbinary, if a man had told me that lots of women feel uncomfortable with something, I would've called him a mansplainer. How would he know?

I wish I knew how to actually get to people after they identify as trans. From other detransitioners and desisters, it seems to be a sudden epiphany. Sometimes it's spurned from being around the trans community for so long that they get sick of some aspect of it and realize that that's not what they want and there are huge logical flaws in the community. Sometimes it's because they have a medical crisis related to their transition. I think one of the saddest ones I see often is women who used to love to sing realizing that their voice is now permanently gone because of testosterone, so now not only are they miserable, but one of the only things that gave them joy is gone forever.

Since I last posted here about all my friends being trans, four more people I know have come out as trans. God help me. I was really hopeful that some of them would hold out since they made it this far despite having some of the "obvious signs". I don't know if I live in some queer vortex or if I'm hanging out with the wrong crowd, but I'm absolutely sick of the trans movement eating up all my friends and replacing them with shells of people who can only converse about their "titty skittles", future top surgeries, or "waaaaaaah JK Rowling is an evil terf bigot". How the hell can they make every single conversation turn into something trans related?
 

Squirrel Nutkin

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Jul 24, 2020
In my experience, once they fully commit and identify as trans (as opposed to questioning/playing with pronouns or fashion), it's too late to get to them. They've already been sucked into the trans void and have been told that anybody questioning is just an evil transphobic bigot who needs to be cut off ASAP. If you can get to them before that, it's helpful if you're the same sex as them because you can do things like, "Oh, yeah, I feel like that sometimes, and so do a whole bunch of other guys/girls I know. It's just a quirk/societal thing/something that doesn't matter (like hobbies)." I'm not sure how you would go about it if you were the opposite sex... When I identified as nonbinary, if a man had told me that lots of women feel uncomfortable with something, I would've called him a mansplainer. How would he know?

I wish I knew how to actually get to people after they identify as trans. From other detransitioners and desisters, it seems to be a sudden epiphany. Sometimes it's spurned from being around the trans community for so long that they get sick of some aspect of it and realize that that's not what they want and there are huge logical flaws in the community. Sometimes it's because they have a medical crisis related to their transition. I think one of the saddest ones I see often is women who used to love to sing realizing that their voice is now permanently gone because of testosterone, so now not only are they miserable, but one of the only things that gave them joy is gone forever.

Since I last posted here about all my friends being trans, four more people I know have come out as trans. God help me. I was really hopeful that some of them would hold out since they made it this far despite having some of the "obvious signs". I don't know if I live in some queer vortex or if I'm hanging out with the wrong crowd, but I'm absolutely sick of the trans movement eating up all my friends and replacing them with shells of people who can only converse about their "titty skittles", future top surgeries, or "waaaaaaah JK Rowling is an evil terf bigot". How the hell can they make every single conversation turn into something trans related?
I really feel you. I also feel surrounded. It's like every week or so I hear of someone else in my social or professional circles going trans. Sometimes people confide in me because they think I might be open to a non-affirming approach and I swear its like they're cringing.

From the few detransitioners I know, a lot of the time they had doubts all along but they willfully suppressed them. Then something happened that permitted them to actually acknowledge their misgivings (like finally admitting that transition was never going to turn out the way they fantasized it) and it didn't take long for the whole structure to collapse once that happened.
 

BoomerSperg1922

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Aug 3, 2021
After reading over 30 pages of this depressing thread, I have come to several conclusions. The first and most important one: most of you are way, way too nice. You need to learn to be assholes, post haste. A lot of these depressing stories would have played out much differently if, instead of playing along, the people in question had acted on what they were feeling by saying what they really felt, as rudely as possible.

Secondly, it seems like 9/10ths of the people who knew someone who trooned either 1) lived in an incredibly leftist area and hung out exclusively with leftists, 2) were excessively online, 3) were upper middle class. Often all three. Consider becoming a right wing tradie wagie and taking a sledge hammer to any computer hardware in your house.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk and jesus christ what a wild read.
 

What the shit

Are you sure this is the right place for this?
True & Honest Fan
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Jun 10, 2021
The first and most important one: most of you are way, way too nice.
I think the main reason people are too nice because the people who are trooning out usually effect someone close to them or someone they personally love. It's difficult to try to convince a friend knowing that one wrong thing you say could severe the friendship entirely.
 

Aunt Carol

four-letter word for a female
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Feb 25, 2021
I think the main reason people are too nice because the people who are trooning out usually effect someone close to them or someone they personally love. It's difficult to try to convince a friend knowing that one wrong thing you say could severe the friendship entirely.
And not only that one friendship, if the troon spreads the word that you aren't an ally.

I might just be optimistic, but I think a lot of people have doubts about transgenderism. They've just seen what can happen if you say them out loud in the wrong crowd.
 

What the shit

Are you sure this is the right place for this?
True & Honest Fan
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Joined
Jun 10, 2021
And not only that one friendship, if the troon spreads the word that you aren't an ally.

I might just be optimistic, but I think a lot of people have doubts about transgenderism. They've just seen what can happen if you say them out loud in the wrong crowd.
There's always going to be doubts. Becoming a troon will always lead to significant social changes, and people do not like change, especially unnecessary ones.
 

doja tiger

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Joined
Oct 15, 2021
I'm so glad this thread exists.

I might be losing two people to the gender ideology. One of them is my female friend who decided she's nonbinary, luckily she's not on hormones or anything. But she's not very mentally stable or assertive and she doesn't seem to like her appearance, I wouldn't be surprised if she decided to destroy her body with testosterone or surgery one day and I fear I wouldn't know how to talk her out of this. For now, I don't think about it too much, I only try to avoid discussing any topics related to gender in her presence because I know it would be a trainwreck if I said something honest (I could waste my time and energy trying to explain anything while she would just mindlessly repeat all those mantras of the gender cult). By the way, she claims to be asexual, in my opinion she's just very insecure and afraid of her own sexuality (she used to claim to be attracted to women). I also wonder whether she feels like she's not a woman when compared to me - I'm a bit more "feminine", makeup, nails done, long hair, sometimes heels, dresses, etc.

The second case is worse, it's my underage cousin, also female. Apparently she's going by a male name now, I don't know what will happen to her regarding physical transition (or what has already happened, I haven't seen her in years). I know that she has some mental issues, she's been bullied in school, she has awful parents (especially the mother who has always bullied and mocked the girl and her brother, her own fucking children) and I wonder how many of her issues are being hidden under the "gender dysphoria" bullshit. I honestly don't even know how I will react the first time I see her when I'm supposed to be using a male name, I don't know what will she look like (probably like a girl trying to look like a boy, who would have thought). The most disappointing thing is that everyone in the family seems to be okay with that. No one questions it, everyone just decided that she is now a he and that's it. Which is strange since my parents were always so obssesed with critical thinking etc. and now they believe that a girl can actually be a boy if she says so. It's just so disappointing, all of it.
 

DumbDude42

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Sep 12, 2019
I wouldn't be surprised if she decided to destroy her body with testosterone or surgery one day and I fear I wouldn't know how to talk her out of this. For now, I don't think about it too much, I only try to avoid discussing any topics related to gender in her presence because I know it would be a trainwreck if I said something honest (I could waste my time and energy trying to explain anything while she would just mindlessly repeat all those mantras of the gender cult)
the longer the wait, the harder it will get because her views will grow more and more entrenched over time due to continuous exposure to tranny internet content. better to try and talk to her about it now than wait until it's too late.
worst case, you trigger her so hard that she cuts you off. sucks, but if she's already that far gone then she's lost to you anyway and it's only a matter of time until it ends, one way or the other. might as well try to step in now, cause you're probably not gonna get a better chance.

at the end of the day it's your decision to make, but in my opinion it's worth trying, even though it comes with the risk of starting a confrontation.
 

doja tiger

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Oct 15, 2021
the longer the wait, the harder it will get because her views will grow more and more entrenched over time due to continuous exposure to tranny internet content. better to try and talk to her about it now than wait until it's too late.
worst case, you trigger her so hard that she cuts you off. sucks, but if she's already that far gone then she's lost to you anyway and it's only a matter of time until it ends, one way or the other. might as well try to step in now, cause you're probably not gonna get a better chance.

at the end of the day it's your decision to make, but in my opinion it's worth trying, even though it comes with the risk of starting a confrontation.
I guess you're right. I could try to talk to her about it, even if it will be an unfair battle (what I say vs what hundreds of troons have said on the internet). Perhaps she won't cut me off so soon since I'm like one of the three irl friends she has. Or maybe she'll start crying and call me abusive and say that I'm literally killing trans people right now. If it goes wrong, I'll loose a person I care about, but at least I won't have to listen to gender theories and her quoting trans Twitter as if it was the Bible, I guess.
 

DumbDude42

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Sep 12, 2019
I guess you're right. I could try to talk to her about it, even if it will be an unfair battle (what I say vs what hundreds of troons have said on the internet). Perhaps she won't cut me off so soon since I'm like one of the three irl friends she has. Or maybe she'll start crying and call me abusive and say that I'm literally killing trans people right now. If it goes wrong, I'll loose a person I care about, but at least I won't have to listen to gender theories and her quoting trans Twitter as if it was the Bible, I guess.
i see it this way: if she's already so far gone that she's going to cut you off for speaking your mind about this, then you've already lost her anyway. but in case that does happen, make sure she knows that if she ever has second thoughts or changes her mind, you'll still be there for her. at some point in the future that might make a difference in bringing her back.
 

Sailor Kim Jong Moon

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Sep 9, 2021
My husbands boss just told him tonight that his teenage son wants to transition. Pour one out for him.

Meanwhile, there are FOUR girls in my nieces class that are “trans men.”

My blood pressure is so high right now from all this shit. I want to grab these parents and tell them to set their child’s phone & computer on fire. Your child needs to touch grass! Please! Save them before they irreversibly damaged by this cult!

I’m trying to think of a way to tell his boss very nicely that his son probably is on trans Reddit, trans discord, being groomed by pedophiles. He’s so old that the whole thing just goes over his head. He thinks that he can just “man” it out of him.

The kid is a totally normal, masculine straight boy. The dad thinks the son just wants to be “treated nice” because he thinks societies caters to women and he wants that too.
 

Toluene Blood

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Oct 25, 2021
I’m trying to think of a way to tell his boss very nicely that his son probably is on trans Reddit, trans discord, being groomed by pedophiles. He’s so old that the whole thing just goes over his head. He thinks that he can just “man” it out of him.
Mentioning autogynephilia is apparently key, since it breaks the "sad gay man" image. Though I imagine it could be a weird topic in a work-based setting. Perhaps you could get there via the most relevant AGP public figure he knows (those brothers who wrote The Matrix, Jonathan Yaniv, Bruce Jenner). If you're looking for how to start the conversation about the grooming, you could try Glinner / the Nolan investigation into Stonewall > Aimee Challenor > trans reddit > trans discord, especially if you can bring up that your own children/nieces/nephews are on social media in general.
 

The Emperor Skeksis

Jim Henson's OC with three dicks
kiwifarms.net
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Jan 1, 2021
The dad thinks the son just wants to be “treated nice” because he thinks societies caters to women and he wants that too.
Well, he has some insight because that's not entirely wrong. But I agree with @Toluene Blood, try to explain what AGP is. If he's already receptive that his kid just wants to be treated like a special snowflake incel, it might be possible for him to understand.
 

DiscoRodeo

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Joined
Jun 10, 2020
Probably a bit paranoid, but younger brother (who is an art school type and writing plots for animations he is working on) keeps sending me scripts to proof read where his character turns into a woman at the end.

I've read way too much on this forum, but not going to lie, am definitely a bit worried. Sucks, as I no longer live in the same country as him and havn't seen him in person in awhile, but other than "It might be better if your character turned into a Samsa-like roach rather than a woman at the end of this animation, to portray what you're going for" not quite sure how to approach that. Might be overreacting as well, but definitely a bit wary.

As of right now, Im just in the "uh-oh, should I be worried?" phase.
 

Wallace

Cram it in me, baby!
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Joined
Jun 23, 2015
And not only that one friendship, if the troon spreads the word that you aren't an ally.

I might just be optimistic, but I think a lot of people have doubts about transgenderism. They've just seen what can happen if you say them out loud in the wrong crowd.
You're right, it's just that the social costs of questioning troonery are too high, at least in public.

My husbands boss just told him tonight that his teenage son wants to transition. Pour one out for him.

Meanwhile, there are FOUR girls in my nieces class that are “trans men.”

My blood pressure is so high right now from all this shit. I want to grab these parents and tell them to set their child’s phone & computer on fire. Your child needs to touch grass! Please! Save them before they irreversibly damaged by this cult!

I’m trying to think of a way to tell his boss very nicely that his son probably is on trans Reddit, trans discord, being groomed by pedophiles. He’s so old that the whole thing just goes over his head. He thinks that he can just “man” it out of him.

The kid is a totally normal, masculine straight boy. The dad thinks the son just wants to be “treated nice” because he thinks societies caters to women and he wants that too.
Try asking this question: "How does troonery benefit them?" Does it soothe their loneliness? Allay some internal fears? Encourage their dreams? Help them throw rocks at their enemies? Understanding the hidden social benefit can help to get them out form the cult's thumb.

And yes, it is very much a cult, so you may have to resort to some cult deprogramming tactics if you want them back. Maybe show them some testimonials of those who have desisted.
 

DumbDude42

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Joined
Sep 12, 2019
Probably a bit paranoid, but younger brother (who is an art school type and writing plots for animations he is working on) keeps sending me scripts to proof read where his character turns into a woman at the end.

I've read way too much on this forum, but not going to lie, am definitely a bit worried. Sucks, as I no longer live in the same country as him and havn't seen him in person in awhile, but other than "It might be better if your character turned into a Samsa-like roach rather than a woman at the end of this animation, to portray what you're going for" not quite sure how to approach that. Might be overreacting as well, but definitely a bit wary.

As of right now, Im just in the "uh-oh, should I be worried?" phase.
next time ask him about it in a way that makes it clear that you strongly disapprove of that shit but without making it personal
i don't know, something like "dude what the fuck is up with these genderswap story twists, that shit is retarded, is that what the retards at film school are teaching you guys?"

from his reaction to that you can probably figure out more about the situation