Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial chicks

Flatbill Oligarch

Whats with all the anime avatars?
kiwifarms.net
Was kind of ridiculous watching him all winter spending his generous welfare bucks on dumb shit when he could have just spent part of his first check on a decent sized tent, a small generator, heater, hotplate to cook off of and some food and maybe even set a tv up too since he had more than enough to set up a luxury hobo camp out of town and then only have food (not clinkerdaggers) and phone bill as his expenses and could have just piled up the majority of his welfare bucks over a couple months and been fine on cash
 

WhiskerBiscuit

kiwifarms.net
Lucas doesn't work, not because he's lazy, though he is certainly lazy. No, Lucas doesn't work because he can't.

Lucas is a helpless retard. He is psychologically, socially and physically incapable of making it through a 4 hour shift in even the most mindless, low effort job.

Nobody will pay Lucas to do anything. His time isn't worth anything. He has no skills, no value. He isn't necessary. He is surplus, unskilled labor.

It's a mistake to put functional adult expectations on him. He doesn't wear them well. As long as he doesn't have a dump in his pants and isn't talking in the hospital, he's doing great.


Yes. Though remember he tried to pretend he was planning to work in real estate in LA with Mia’s dad. He was following up a job lead....

He also at times applies for jobs on campus.

Then when unsuccessful, he claims Marxism or classism.
 

Cheesegirl78

"I want to f**k you sex sex sex"
kiwifarms.net
I don't understand this. He has had one job in his entire life, and seems completely comfortable with being a leech. I don't work, I didn't come home right from deployment, and not working eats away at me. How can he be comfortable with living on tard bux? I mean, I know it's because he's a piece of shit, but I still have trouble grasping it. In his "while you were getting everything.." video, he mentioned not having worked since 1999, and he didn't seem bothered by that fact, infact, he seems proud of it.
Oh, I've known MANY, MANY people who do their very best to avoid work.
From having kids they cannot afford while they're on welfare, to using the phone book to get addresses to show they've applied to those places so the UIB doesn't get cut off, finding some quack doctor to say their many offspring have ADHD to get benefits, "falling" at some store and suing, because they know the store will throw a few grand at them to shut them up, and on, and on, and on.
They are quite proud of the way they fraud the system, if they put that same energy into an education, they could have jobs that pay six figures.
 

Jeremiah the Bullfrog

My bigotry is out of hand
kiwifarms.net
Lucas often times claims that he does have a job. What job is that? Why, a comedian and vlogger, of course. And he has stated that it is hard work! Yeah, his videos of him mooing and reeeing and acting autistic is work. He will sometimes say he may try to get a job, but I seriously doubt he has actually filled out an application.

He is a democratic socialist and as such does not want to work, because the oligarchy and AOC and Bernie, and Reeeee! He is proud of his exceptional individual bucks and thinks he is entitled to his handouts and thinks he should be given more.

Well, I think he is a burden on society and a fat faggot. That being said, I do enjoy taking pot shots at him and miss him sharing his lunacy.

It's been awhile, but he's also claimed that him being on welfare actually stimulates the economy more than someone working does and that his being an unemployed hobo sucking on the government tit is a net positive for all of us.
 

Da Dude123

Give in to lust, give in to thrust.
kiwifarms.net
Tomorrow, another Monday will be upon us, my dudes. So, this is payday for the Cute Older Daddy. Will Lucas cash his yeet bux check and head over to Simple Mobile and sign up for a new phone?

Another theory....If Lucas is indeed banned from all the Spokane shelters is he having to pay someone to crash at a crack house or opium den? Could that be where his money is going? Maybe it is enough that he can still treat himself to a sit down meal at Twigz, but not enough to pay for a phone? It sounds crazy, but this is Lucas we are talking about. He is still getting his food stamps, but may not have access to cooking facilities.

It is amazing that he is not in the puzzle factory or jail and has been without a phone for over a month. It is a puzzling situation.
 

Maxxicus Callahan

kiwifarms.net
Another theory....If Lucas is indeed banned from all the Spokane shelters is he having to pay someone to crash at a crack house or opium den? Could that be where his money is going? Maybe it is enough that he can still treat himself to a sit down meal at Twigz, but not enough to pay for a phone? It sounds crazy, but this is Lucas we are talking about. He is still getting his food stamps, but may not have access to cooking facilities.

It is amazing that he is not in the puzzle factory or jail and has been without a phone for over a month. It is a puzzling situation.
I hate to think that if he’s staying in a crack house or den that there are young girls doped out of their minds who would make easy victims for Lucas. It’s got to seem more than a little odd even to street people to stay in one of these places without partaking almost sounds predatory by definition to not be using in that situation otherwise why be there. Unless of course you are on the lowest rungs of rock bottom and have been banned from every shelter but how many people can that be I wonder.

Edit: It seems like a feat only Lucas could achieve by setting the bar this low. I like to think I have certain survival mechanisms where the adrenaline can kick in and I’d be able to locate a shelter, food and a way to start climbing out of the hole. How is it Lucas works against all of these instincts besides food it’s always Gen Z puss puss first.
BA090172-A8B1-4E6D-8021-761319C8D4BD.jpeg

He’s got these two steps mixed up and has no concept of the top of the pyramid. He at least can respond to the need to eat and drink but the shelter and clothing not so much. I don’t know why reproduction is down there the need to rub one out I guess.

In a weird way it reminds me a little of another lolcow Gorgeous George who thought he was too good for public access television even though it was all he had going for him and his arrogance and antagonism towards the public network, swearing and breaking the rules helped him lose his small window at lolcow fame and an audience. To cut off your nose to spite your face. He even bet his house on a lolsuit and blew a bunch of cash trying to marry a hooker in Vegas and lost his house to the bank.
 
Last edited:

Da Dude123

Give in to lust, give in to thrust.
kiwifarms.net
I hate to think that if he’s staying in a crack house or den that there are young girls doped out of their minds who would make easy victims for Lucas. It’s got to seem more than a little odd even to street people to stay in one of these places without partaking almost sounds predatory by definition to not be using in that situation otherwise why be there. Unless of course you are on the lowest rungs of rock bottom and have been banned from every shelter but how many people can that be I wonder.

Edit: It seems like a feat only Lucas could achieve by setting the bar this low. I like to think I have certain survival mechanisms where the adrenaline can kick in and I’d be able to locate a shelter, food and a way to start climbing out of the hole. How is it Lucas works against all of these instincts besides food it’s always Gen Z puss puss first.
View attachment 2156220
He’s got these two steps mixed up and has no concept of the top of the pyramid. He at least can respond to the need to eat and drink but the shelter and clothing not so much. I don’t know why reproduction is down there the need to rub one out I guess.

In a weird way it reminds me a little of another lolcow Gorgeous George who thought he was too good for public access television even though it was all he had going for him and his arrogance and antagonism towards the public network, swearing and breaking the rules helped him lose his small window at lolcow fame and an audience. To cut off your nose to spite your face. He even bet his house on a lolsuit and blew a bunch of cash trying to marry a hooker in Vegas and lost his house to the bank.
Oooh. I will have to look up "Gorgeous George". I have a hunch that his name is a misnomer and he honestly isn't that gorgeous, but I may be wrong.
 

Maxxicus Callahan

kiwifarms.net
Oooh. I will have to look up "Gorgeous George". I have a hunch that his name is a misnomer and he honestly isn't that gorgeous, but I may be wrong.
Oh wow I didn't know he was still active on YouTube. His show is garbage the highlights were the prank calls from the Something Awful days that got him really wound up on air. He makes a point to gate keep against the trolls and haters, it's unwatchable and unfunny without them. But yes you'd be correct he is not gorgeous, he is a pig.

He's still talking about his same trolls almost 20 years later, I was in computer class on Ebaums World back in middle school when I started following GAY and he is still going on about the trolls its unbelievable, he still keeps fixating on them and it cost him his house trying to fight them in court lol. Looks like he is doing better than our boy Wern though with a delivery job and a place to live.

This is a good summary of the G.A.Y - George Alexander Yarid saga
 
Last edited:

Fanatical Pragmatist

A garbage human being
kiwifarms.net
Werndrawal.... I too am going through it, and because of this, I've been watching some old Wern videos, and I found myself focusing on his mention of the TV show Friends.

It's interesting; at the beginning Lucas starts off criticizing Friends, because he thinks that the show doesn't show enough literal sex, or enough physical affection, he describes it as "likey-likey", his babyfied way of indicating the superficiality of a relationship that doesn't include deep affection, which was one of his early phrases to indicate a relationship that didn't involve the man constantly having his arm cuffed around the girl's shoulders to prevent her from running away, a concept that he still mentions now.

It's so fascinating to me the way he acts as if the fictional sitcom Friends is somehow indicative, and evidence of, his theory of older man younger woman, because of the relationship between Courtney Cox and Tom Selleck.

It's like, lucas? It's not real! However well they did or didn't get along on the TV show, it's just a show.

Making the Tom Selleck character older was just a way of introducing a foil into the plot, which otherwise relied on same age relationships primarily.

It's just a device to add some variety to the relationships which make up most of the plot focus of the show, right?

And then later on of course, he says that he calls women honey and baby, because all the men on Friends call all the women these nicknames, because they're always a potential mate, which is disgusting, and I don't think was ever the intention on Friends, but that's what Lucas took away from it.

He also mentioned something about the show Friends, no, it was that 70s show, always using the word bitch, and always calling women bitches, which I don't personally remember from that show, I'm wondering if that's more phantom "Voices on the Wind", or what.

Right now, and for the recent past, "voices on the wind" are my holy Grail of Wernography.

This is the subject I most want Lucas to be quizzed about, because I'm entirely uncertain as to how he would deal with it, the only example we have being the very end of the final golden USB podcast, when he acted as if he didn't understand what goldar was talking about, even though there was a brief moment of acknowledgment.

If Cyril ever comes back, I'd be curious to see whether he has any remembrance of Lucas mentioning phantom voices, whether he referred to them as voices on the wind, or the background noise bigots, or something else entirely.

I mean, someone in Lucas's immediate circle, especially his family, must be aware of this auditory hallucination, right?

It's one of the most obvious outward signs of his insanity, beyond his ranting, which he obviously tries to use his political passion to disguise as normal, although that's fairly unsuccessful.

But "voices on the wind".

Lucas, who is such a student of society, although he's an idiot student, who spends so much time watching people, still hasn't figured out that no one else hears "Voices on the wind".

No one else hears or ever mentions background noise bigots.

How has this been possible for so long? Lucas patterns his speech after people around him so thoroughly, picking up bits of slang, explaining that his brother had to teach him how to respond in casual interactions, so much of his activity is copied and played out incorrectly, and yet the Voices on the Wind stand out.

Alone he hears and discusses this obvious red flag of insanity, despite the fact that people who interacted with him personally must have mentioned to Lucas their confusion at hearing him discuss the idea of voices coming out of the ether, right?

This is why the Voices on the Wind stand out, even amongst the library of insanity that he has spewed, as being uniquely crazy.
See here's what gets me about the Voices on the Wind: they seem rational.
Now Lucas talking openly about hearing the voices and just assuming this is something that everyone else experiences is extremely irrational and insane.

However, the times he mentions what they actually, those things are negative about Lucas. Typically insulting him and saying bigoted things to him.
My personal favorite is when he claimed in a video that part of the reason young women won't date him is that "then voices in the background will tell you not to and you listen to those voices!"

Now with most nutcases, its the voices in their head/background are telling them insane and/or dangerous things. Yet in Lucas's case, it seems the voices are the ones trying to deflate his delusions if not outright warn others about him.
 

GleamingTheQ-Bert

Christian Slaterkin
kiwifarms.net
I was thinking about one of my favorite Lucasisms, when he lists the differences between him and a young man:


"He's The soda, I'm the alcohol; he's the milk, I'm the cheese; he's the seed, I'm the plant; he's the calf, I'm....the cow."

There are so very many things that I love about this, not least of which is the pause before saying "the cow", when you can hear the gears of Lucas's brain almost temporarily grinding to a halt, as he considers whether positioning himself as the cow is really the preferable alternative in that binary set.

But beyond that:

Aging soda pop doesn't turn it into alcohol, right? So that duality goes right out the window.

There are certainly times when alcohol is nice, but there are times when a can of soda is nice.

It's like Lucas's example of cheese and milk. He used to always say "Would you want to put milk on your nachos?" Where the hell did the nachos come from? What if you're eating a bowl of rice krispies? Do you really want to put cheese on your rice krispies?

The fact that he's cherrypicked these little ridiculous metaphors out of thin air and he doesn't even realize how easily breakable the confines of his duality is, remains actually kind of shocking to me, for someone who's repeated this nonsense for 10 years.

Is a seed worse than a plant? I mean, you can plant seeds, so they have potential value, which you could argue beats the inherent value in an already grown plant.

Is a calf inferior to a cow? A lot of people prize things like veal; are we using the cow for milk? Are we trying to get beef from this theoretical, hypothetical cow? Is it a LOLcow? (It certainly is)

If I ever had Lucas alone in a room where I could torture him with the many many contradictions of his arguments, I'd be sure to ask him all this.

After asking about voices on the wind.

And after spraying him for lice.

And after shooting him with a fire hose several times for my own amusement.
 
Last edited:

wenttobermuda

Plenty good!
kiwifarms.net
Oh wow I didn't know he was still active on YouTube. His show is garbage the highlights were the prank calls from the Something Awful days that got him really wound up on air. He makes a point to gate keep against the trolls and haters, it's unwatchable and unfunny without them. But yes you'd be correct he is not gorgeous, he is a pig.

He's still talking about his same trolls almost 20 years later, I was in computer class on Ebaums World back in middle school when I started following GAY and he is still going on about the trolls its unbelievable, he still keeps fixating on them and it cost him his house trying to fight them in court lol. Looks like he is doing better than our boy Wern though with a delivery job and a place to live.

This is a good summary of the G.A.Y - George Alexander Yarid saga
Ah, GAY. Long before there was a CWC, or a LCW(Lucas Colby Werner, ya'll), there was GAY. Around 2003-2005, if you had internet and any ties to Richmond, VA, you knew GAY. Then the Goons discovered him, and shared him with the rest of the country. Anyway, for years, whenever I heard a toilet flush, I thought "Lol GAY."

GAY, like Lucas, is a member of the genus lolcow, but a different species. GAY, for all his hilarious shortcomings, is a functional male adult who doesn't shit himself. As such, he isn't nearly as interesting as Lucas, though his ability to express inarticulate rage is impressive.

It's reassuring to know that, decades after first coming to the attention of those with discriminating taste in human dysfunction, GAY is still gaying, and some assholes are still paying attention. He has made changes, but not changed. He is still GAY.

Will Lucas have similar staying power?

No. Ha ha. Of course not.

He won't live another 20 years, nor capture anyone's attention that long.

ETA:
And after shooting him with a fire hose several times for my own amusement.
That'd amuse me, too. In fact, just imagining it has amused me. Thank you.
 
Last edited:

AnOminous

each malted milk ball might be their last
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
He's also beyond help when it comes to him wanting to fuck underaged kids, as even when he was in therapy and on medication in his own videos on his own channel that's all he talked about: Wanting to fuck and impregnate young girls.
It's just as well he doesn't. If he were properly medicated he might be just functional enough actually to rape a child.
 

Club Sandwich

kiwifarms.net
He's probably talking about Carcassonne
I read the Wikipedia article, and it sounds deliriously complex.
Carcassonne involves placing meeples on tiles you place in order to track points and gain them. you don't "empower a worker" or whatever he's talking about. Carcassonne is a simplified board game of Sid Meier's Civilization without the combat, diplomacy, or research aspects. meeples are used to claim tiles to enhance the tile's value (a field becomes a worked farm, et c). you literally place tiles in valid positions alternating between players until there are no tiles left, then tally points, with the most points winning.

i think he's referring to some board game he bought, read about, but never played with others. he did have a small quantity of them for a bit. the alternate explanation is he's using an imagined board game as an analogy that jumbles together his broken thoughts into words that might make sense: communism, worker, empower, little by little, cockblock, board game, control, player, objects, goal, woman, other players, points or rules to achieve points, tracking points, comparing points, Lucas is just as good, plenty good, et c.
 

Similar threads

Q
Divorced Batshit Space Demon Waitress with NPD, Gangstalked by Alphabet Agencies, "Pretending to be Rеtarded", #SaveJoelIrish
Replies
5K
Views
402K
Afraid of the Eggnog Ninjas, "Male Feminist" that Abuses Women, 2nd-rate Cinema Snob, Hugh Hefner A-Log, Fat Creepy Incel Cuck
Replies
765
Views
156K
Pedophile/pedo apologist and tulpamancer who gets into fictional relationships with a Spyro boss, goblins, and Pokemon, all while shipping herself. Decade reigning cow. TRUE AND HONEST Twin soul sister of OPL. IQ of 62.
Replies
9K
Views
2M
Top