Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial chicks

Bassomatic

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I think he doesn't mention them because Lucas is a selfish fuck and teenage mind set is a compliment to him.

Lucas had a roof food and company. His parents meant nothing to them. Everyone is just to serve them.

Really he's so brain broken I don't think he could feel love be it family or romantic. Clearly not platonic.

Now he thinks he could lure women so he mentions em. Much like he mentions his ex to get a leg up that he has experience (neglecting he was lazy and abusive).

To be fair I love a good hunt. If King Roy reads here, any time you want a hunting buddy let a fish blender know. Elk is great game. I promise I won't share a pre teen girl with your retarded son but we can share a few Cubans and bourbon.

Also hunting is kinda a niche hobby anymore esp younger even in rural areas I can't see Spokane being the kinda area that takes first day of deer season off.
 

klickitat

PhD in Wernology.
kiwifarms.net
It would be hilarious to test just how much this applies to general statements by having a zoomer bae complain to him about how unfair and oppressive the cardassian legal system is to the accused and how its geared toward fucking the poor like lucas and see if lucas, not knowing the references in the slightest starts running with it and ranting about it publicly, making a complete fool of himself

Probably wouldn't be too hard to convince him that Cardassia is a fascist Eastern European dictatorship that's oppressing the ethnic Bajoran minority while we're at it, especially if you threw in things like, "They've been occupying lands belonging to the Bajorans for nearly 70 years, and while the latest guy 'elected' to run the place pretends to be more progressive and tolerant than the last one, there's still an entire prison-industrial complex that exploits the poor and the Cardassian police routinely shoot minority populations more often than they do the majority," he would absolutely buy it.

Not only would he buy it, he might actually put out one or two videos about it before some well meaning dumbass clued him in, at which point he'd claim he was trolling the trolls.

...I gave myself a mild headache typing that scenario up almost entirely because of the realization that he would be dumb enough to believe it.
 

Trainwreck

kiwifarms.net
Also hunting is kinda a niche hobby anymore esp younger even in rural areas I can't see Spokane being the kinda area that takes first day of deer season off.
It's actually surprising how many hunters are in this area. Like dad, son and grandpa's go out all the time. Eggers, the local butcher gets crazy busy during hunting season processing everyone's game.
 

tonguesharingMOMENT

Build: STOCKY
kiwifarms.net
Don't let's forget those that have no connection to any actual world accent, but are no less enjoyable to listen to.

The one that comes to mind for me is the teeth-grittingly psychotic "But you can change!" guy.

Oh, and also the "What the fuck do you think I want.... your dick in my rectum?" closeted gay tough guy.... Complete with some facial contortions that were strange even for Lucas.

The question I have is whether Lucas is even aware of doing these voices, or whether it's entirely spontaneous, just a product of his insanity.

I mentioned that he gritted his teeth in the "you can change!" voice, and I say this because I've heard people with severe mental issues like schizophrenia and the like oftentimes have these dyskinesic ticks, and I thought perhaps that was related. While doing that voice his face was contorted by gritting his teeth so hard, it was practically a rictus.

But yeah, he uses these voices to say the same things that he really does think, when he's not hiding behind the "I'm a stand-up comedian" bullshit,

The best part is the leaps in logic that tell you things about Lucas's subconscious that he probably wouldn't want to let out if he was aware. He goes from saying "Why would I want your dick in my ass?", to immediately suggesting that that behavior is "like (his) father"?

Lucas's voice acting is a neglected part of his work. My favorite: Lucky Charms Irish. "Ye breakin' me hart Gen Zeee."

From memory, he's done the following accents at various points: Italian NY Guido, Midwestern/Chicago tough guy, state of the art Urban Dictionary Ebonics, Speedy Gonzales, "Millennial," British, German.

I enjoy it when he assumes the voice of a flatbill, and repeats the things that exhausted people have no doubt been telling him for years: you're acting desperate, this seems like a midlife crisis, get a job bum, etc.
Maybe an idea for a new video: a compilation of his attempts at accents? Paging Dr. Klickitat!
 

VoidFace

kiwifarms.net
Probably wouldn't be too hard to convince him that Cardassia is a fascist Eastern European dictatorship that's oppressing the ethnic Bajoran minority while we're at it, especially if you threw in things like, "They've been occupying lands belonging to the Bajorans for nearly 70 years, and while the latest guy 'elected' to run the place pretends to be more progressive and tolerant than the last one, there's still an entire prison-industrial complex that exploits the poor and the Cardassian police routinely shoot minority populations more often than they do the majority," he would absolutely buy it.

Not only would he buy it, he might actually put out one or two videos about it before some well meaning dumbass clued him in, at which point he'd claim he was trolling the trolls.

...I gave myself a mild headache typing that scenario up almost entirely because of the realization that he would be dumb enough to believe it.
I support this, though we should also convince him to support the great (fictional) communist nation of Arstotzka from the game Papers, Please.

It wouldn’t be difficult, given the fact he has already idolized Stalin and swallowed the gulag propaganda hook, line and sinker.

Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Lucas could be pushed into wanting to move there.
 

Dumpsterfire Enthusiast

Whats with all the anime avatars?
kiwifarms.net
Lucas has gotten nothing from his dad in years. His dad may have some worth but Myrna and Larry have no sort of worth. And they don’t seem to be wasting money on him. They sent him a $25 gc for his birthday years ago and when he was stranded in LA they only paid 1-2 nights at Motel 6. They really seemed to just want to get Lucas back to Washington and away from AZ.

His brother was in SOFALAW and mentioned that his parents were comfortable but that’s it. So this is entirely Lucas having zero understand of money and thus coming up with very inaccurate sums. Like a child estimating that their parents make a zillion dollars a week. It’s just without context.
I remember from a while back one of his parents gave him a laptop as a gift which he ended up spilling a drink on then acting like the laptop sucked to start with which was his parents fault. Just really going out of his way to shit in the hand that feeds

That could have been really useful for him to hold onto a proper computer and save money on disposable phones but he just breaks it. I think they just dont see a point in gifting him anything more significant than a restraunt gift card since they know their silverback son will just smash anything they give him
 

klickitat

PhD in Wernology.
kiwifarms.net
I support this, though we should also convince him to support the great (fictional) communist nation of Arstotzka from the game Papers, Please.

It wouldn’t be difficult, given the fact he has already idolized Stalin and swallowed the gulag propaganda hook, line and sinker.

Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Lucas could be pushed into wanting to move there.

It'd be easy enough to get him convinced that Arstotzka is the name of the Bajoran mintority's resistance movement, and I bet he'd be jumping to sign up to somehow help because, y'know, Zoomer baes love activism.

The worst (best?) part about it is, as absurd as this all sounds, you know damn well he'd get mad at anyone telling him it was fake.
 

Fanatical Pragmatist

A garbage human being
kiwifarms.net
...I gave myself a mild headache typing that scenario up almost entirely because of the realization that he would be dumb enough to believe it.
Honestly it wouldn't take Lucas-Werner tier stupidity to fall for that.

Make a video on TikTok describing the plight of the oppressed Bajorans and watch how many dumb teenagers fall for it.
 

wenttobermuda

Plenty good!
kiwifarms.net
Lucas puts up his handwritten attraction signs, schizo puss puss snares, wherever his diabetic feet can take him. People take them down. Lucas puts more up, with extra tape, and declares in bold ink: "I keep putting them up." People will keep taking them down. And people will deface them, too. They probably already have. Sooner or later, a defaced puss puss snare will circulate amongst Wernologists. It will probably be a disappointment.

Lucas has mysteriously disengaged with social media. But he is not freed himself, and his interesting ideas, from scrutiny. So long as he puts himself out there, in any capacity (be it YouTube comments or handwritten signs) the response will be the same, when there is a response: disrespect, mockery.
You know what’s interesting? I feel like I haven’t seen anything (from Lucas himself or anybody else) about his relationship with his parents when he was with Suzanne. It strangely seems like, during what was probably the most stable period of his adult life, where he actually had a partner who loved him and who he might have married and had kids with, they were completely absent still.

Of course like I said I don’t know this for sure because I haven’t seen anything about it, but it just strikes me as odd that it seems like they still weren’t around. Maybe they felt like he finally had some independence and they could keep their distance and live their own lives, but I’m surprised they wouldn’t have wanted to be more involved with him and Suzanne, especially his dad and Becky, who still lived close by.

It also seems like, if they HAD been around during that time, Lucas would bring that up when he talks about how great they’ll treat him and his wife and kids if he ever were to get them. He does mention Suzanne sometimes so it’s not a matter of not wanting to bring her up, but he never says anything like “you should’ve seen how they treated me when I was with Suzanne!”

So idk I guess my point is that it almost seems that we have some proof that even if PukeAss DID somehow wind up with a wife and kids, his parents would be more relieved that he was mostly someone else’s problem, and still not care to have him around or help him out much.
Something I've wondered about. I bet the Werner's were fonder of Suzanne than Lucas was.
Imagine Myrna's relief, and King Roy's incredulity, when they learned that their big baby boy had moved in with an older woman. A sugar mama? Was there anything about Lucas that hinted he'd find such an arrangement?

With Suzanne, the Werners experienced a period of stability. Finally, Lucas was someone else's problem, if not grown up. Still a dependent, but at least not theirs. Suzanne was a step up from Cyril, as far as yard minders go. Did it encourage them? Spark hope, to be snuffed?

The disastrous, soda fueled break up left a dependence vacuum in Lucas's life. He was in need of another mommy. Without one, he was more out of control than ever, facing jail and homelessness. He publicly begged his family to be taken in and cared for, all the while refusing hospitalization. By this point, Myrna and King Roy must've been exhausted with Lucas. Lucas demanded help on his terms, and nobody had in confidence in his terms. So Lucas did his own thing, on his own.

It was a tumultuous time in Lucas's life, and his parents must have felt as abandoned by Suzanne as Lucas. Lucas has dropped hints that his mother was outraged with Suzanne, and it seems she encouraged them to reconcile at some point. But Lucas is not the most reliable source.
 

klickitat

PhD in Wernology.
kiwifarms.net
Speaking of TikTok, he does have one but he's only put two things on it last summer, then never uploaded it again. I know at one point people were trying to convince him it was a great way to meet GenZ but I don't...think he ever got the concept because the two things he uploaded were attempts at reuploading full videos.

https://www.tiktok.com/@lucaswerner79 that one.
 

Vi0l3t

Violets are blue.
kiwifarms.net
I want very badly for the voices in the wind to take the form of these accents and characters. Is it too much to ask that Lucas experience his intrusive thoughts and auditory hallucinations as shtick, skits, and corny voice acting? You may recall the following auditory hallucination:

In my autistic head canon, the yelling was in his own voice, stretched up to a cartoonishly high register. The sound of a 40 year old predator mimicking a little girl (who is horny).
Lmfao your head cannon killed me
 

GleamingTheQ-Bert

Christian Slaterkin
kiwifarms.net

Okay, I'm officially calling on all long-term Wernologists, or any thread visitors who happen to have a good understanding of the way Lucas's brain misfires, to help me understand this old video.

This is a video that I think we all recognize just because of the incredibly loud, lengthy, and seemingly shameless fart that Lucas rips at the beginning, but today I actually listened through the entirety of this video.

And do you know what I found out? That Lucas makes no goddamn sense in this video. And when I say that, I mean less so than usual.

I'm usually able to understand what Lucas is attempting to say, even though it makes no sense... and the metaphors have a level of solipsism that's painful and cringy.

Back when Lucas used to always compare himself to cheese, and young men to milk, or himself to alcohol, and young men to water, he created this video, where he's attempting to say something about masturbation, telomeres, farting, glasses of milk, and....

I'm utterly, utterly at a loss with this one. I can't even understand what he's attempting to say here. I do understand, of course, that he's trying to frame himself on the top of the little binary duology of older men versus younger boys, but I mean specifically, what is he trying to say with this comparison of masturbation to glasses of milk?

It literally makes no sense, not even in a Lucas way.

I would love for someone to divine what he attempted to mean here. It's funny; this actually bothers me more than it should, my wern autism is such that I'm usually able to understand where Lucas is coming from, but I'm utterly lost on this one.

Any ideas?
 

Dumpsterfire Enthusiast

Whats with all the anime avatars?
kiwifarms.net

Okay, I'm officially calling on all long-term Wernologists, or any thread visitors who happen to have a good understanding of the way Lucas's brain misfires, to help me understand this old video.

This is a video that I think we all recognize just because of the incredibly loud, lengthy, and seemingly shameless fart that Lucas rips at the beginning, but today I actually listened through the entirety of this video.

And do you know what I found out? That Lucas makes no goddamn sense in this video. And when I say that, I mean less so than usual.

I'm usually able to understand what Lucas is attempting to say, even though it makes no sense... and the metaphors have a level of solipsism that's painful and cringy.

Back when Lucas used to always compare himself to cheese, and young men to milk, or himself to alcohol, and young men to water, he created this video, where he's attempting to say something about masturbation, telomeres, farting, glasses of milk, and....

I'm utterly, utterly at a loss with this one. I can't even understand what he's attempting to say here. I do understand, of course, that he's trying to frame himself on the top of the little binary duology of older men versus younger boys, but I mean specifically, what is he trying to say with this comparison of masturbation to glasses of milk?

It literally makes no sense, not even in a Lucas way.

I would love for someone to divine what he attempted to mean here. It's funny; this actually bothers me more than it should, my wern autism is such that I'm usually able to understand where Lucas is coming from, but I'm utterly lost on this one.

Any ideas?
He's one glass of milk and guys their own age are 2 glasses of milk but 1 is better apparently because i guess he's lactose intolerant and thinks that literally everyone else is and just mentions that like that's the normal reaction to drinking milk. Kind of interesting how he just assumes that happens to literally everyone

No idea what the milk is supposed to represent in his whole analogy but apparently him having less of it is a good thing. Really him giving out less milk is probably the smartest thing he could do but he clearly isnt thinking of it in the context of not posting so much shit to laugh at but some weird telomere analogy i really couldn't follow the intended message of other than him drinking too much milk makes him shart the room up so the flatbills with double the milk content must be sharting twice as hard making them the worse dating option. He seemed so close to a moment of clarity there talking about less milk being better
 
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wenttobermuda

Plenty good!
kiwifarms.net

Okay, I'm officially calling on all long-term Wernologists, or any thread visitors who happen to have a good understanding of the way Lucas's brain misfires, to help me understand this old video.

This is a video that I think we all recognize just because of the incredibly loud, lengthy, and seemingly shameless fart that Lucas rips at the beginning, but today I actually listened through the entirety of this video.

And do you know what I found out? That Lucas makes no goddamn sense in this video. And when I say that, I mean less so than usual.

I'm usually able to understand what Lucas is attempting to say, even though it makes no sense... and the metaphors have a level of solipsism that's painful and cringy.

Back when Lucas used to always compare himself to cheese, and young men to milk, or himself to alcohol, and young men to water, he created this video, where he's attempting to say something about masturbation, telomeres, farting, glasses of milk, and....

I'm utterly, utterly at a loss with this one. I can't even understand what he's attempting to say here. I do understand, of course, that he's trying to frame himself on the top of the little binary duology of older men versus younger boys, but I mean specifically, what is he trying to say with this comparison of masturbation to glasses of milk?

It literally makes no sense, not even in a Lucas way.

I would love for someone to divine what he attempted to mean here. It's funny; this actually bothers me more than it should, my wern autism is such that I'm usually able to understand where Lucas is coming from, but I'm utterly lost on this one.

Any ideas?
Let's talk about the lusty, introductory fart. Perhaps it so unsettled you that you couldn't follow Lucas's convoluted food anal-ogy. Considering that he ties his argument back to that fart, he either: a) farted deliberately, or b) saw and seized an opportunity to work his fart into the video.

Lucas likens sexual intercourse to eating and drinking. First, one must understand eating and drinking. According to Lucas, drinking two glasses of milk is worse for your health than drinking one glass of milk. Having that extra glass of milk makes you pee more, stripping your body of vital nutrients, and makes you fart more. Less is better.

Telomeres are like milk, you see.

When a young woman has sex with a socially appropriate partner close to her own age, this is like drinking two glasses of milk. Because each sex partner brings one figurative glass to the coupling. When a young woman has sex with Lucas, however, this is like drinking one glass of milk. There will be less farting and urination. So open those legs.
...
Lucas puts up his handwritten attraction signs, schizo puss puss snares, wherever his diabetic feet can take him. People take them down. Lucas puts more up, with extra tape, and declares in bold ink: "I keep putting them up." People will keep taking them down. And people will deface them, too. They probably already have. Sooner or later, a defaced puss puss snare will circulate amongst Wernologists. It will probably be a disappointment.

Lucas has mysteriously disengaged with social media. But he is not freed himself, and his interesting ideas, from scrutiny. So long as he puts himself out there, in any capacity (be it YouTube comments or handwritten signs) the response will be the same, when there is a response: disrespect, mockery.
 

WhiskerBiscuit

kiwifarms.net
I remember from a while back one of his parents gave him a laptop as a gift which he ended up spilling a drink on then acting like the laptop sucked to start with which was his parents fault. Just really going out of his way to shit in the hand that feeds

That could have been really useful for him to hold onto a proper computer and save money on disposable phones but he just breaks it. I think they just dont see a point in gifting him anything more significant than a restraunt gift card since they know their silverback son will just smash anything they give him

It was a hand-me-down laptop and he not only broke it but complained about how it was a used laptop. So even when he was given a reasonably nice and highly useful gift, he shit on it.

It may have been around the time he went to school but I don’t think it was. I think he had to use the library for typing papers. I recall a video when he was showing tabs on a little netbook and I don’t know if that was the the same item or if his payee bought him a netbook for school.


Edit to avoid double post:

The Men over 35 video is from when Lucas kept saying that men under 35 had too much telomerase. He was misunderstanding his whole theory for his own value. Telomerase increases with age, so he now discusses telomerase attrition issues in the youth.

He has never ever openly owned up his own complete fuck up on this issue. He just had someone correct him and then went on like he’d never said a thing.

It’s as been discussed. Lucas steals everything he discusses. He verbatim spouts Wikipedia or when in conflict, he starts perseverating on new terms. When I’ve interacted with Lucas in the past (as a woman, he of course always messaged my alts that followed him on Twitter or Instagram) he would often pick up on any concepts I mentioned and immediately make them about him.

I told him his relationships with others are transactional and he immediately goes on to justify it in like 3 videos and the geek room video. He didn’t really understand that transactionalism in relationships is dysfunctional, exploitative, and the opposite of the empathic giving persona he espouses. When he sort of caught on that my alt was turned off by it, he went on and on about how transactionalism is a very normal, healthy approach and that he’s the victim of shitty friendships and family relationships.
 
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Mike R

Benefits from White privilege
kiwifarms.net
Guys isn't it so much better now that Lucas isn't making videos anymore? Ever since he stopped I've been able to hoard so many more zoomer baes. I think I'm personally hoarding about an eighth of the Spokane zoomer babe population at this point just since he's been gone. I would really hate it so much if he ever came back because I just know if he did start making videos again then all my zoomer bitches that I practice my misogyny on are gonna wise up and run off to him because he's so much more mature than me with those damn telomeres of his that have been aged to perfection.

On behalf of all your haters everywhere Lucas, don't make videos anymore because we're telling you not to. We're winning now and we can hoard as many fecund baes as we want because now you're not making videos telling them to stop flocking to us.
Truer words were never written. The last thing anyone wants is for Lucas to start posting on social media again. If this happened all the young fecund baes that I currently have riding in my whip would def leave me. :'(
 

Vi0l3t

Violets are blue.
kiwifarms.net

Okay, I'm officially calling on all long-term Wernologists, or any thread visitors who happen to have a good understanding of the way Lucas's brain misfires, to help me understand this old video.

This is a video that I think we all recognize just because of the incredibly loud, lengthy, and seemingly shameless fart that Lucas rips at the beginning, but today I actually listened through the entirety of this video.

And do you know what I found out? That Lucas makes no goddamn sense in this video. And when I say that, I mean less so than usual.

I'm usually able to understand what Lucas is attempting to say, even though it makes no sense... and the metaphors have a level of solipsism that's painful and cringy.

Back when Lucas used to always compare himself to cheese, and young men to milk, or himself to alcohol, and young men to water, he created this video, where he's attempting to say something about masturbation, telomeres, farting, glasses of milk, and....

I'm utterly, utterly at a loss with this one. I can't even understand what he's attempting to say here. I do understand, of course, that he's trying to frame himself on the top of the little binary duology of older men versus younger boys, but I mean specifically, what is he trying to say with this comparison of masturbation to glasses of milk?

It literally makes no sense, not even in a Lucas way.

I would love for someone to divine what he attempted to mean here. It's funny; this actually bothers me more than it should, my wern autism is such that I'm usually able to understand where Lucas is coming from, but I'm utterly lost on this one.

Any ideas?
Luckily I graduated from Hogwarts school of Flatbills and Bigotry so I understand through the babble.
Basically young men=bad because they have to much telomeres and that somehow affects women negatively.
Old men= good because less telomeres.
Somehow he thinks telomeres can be shared between two people just by fucking.
 

Stafford Beer Bong

Jubee Flumper Pumpin’
kiwifarms.net
Apparently he's hangin' out by an upscale high school and posting his signs there.


(And calling himself a "rich kid")

So if anything Lucas has gotten worse since leaving the internet in his never ending puss puss hunt.

These latest notes are even more disjointed, and dare I say, Bullaesque, than his online posting, and with none of the context that you at least get with his internet presentation.

If some rando stopped to read these with no idea who Lucas is, they absolutely read like the ramblings of a homeless schizophrenic. Which I guess they are.
 

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