Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial chicks

[Vi0l3t]

https://youtu.be/Y0QqJOK48OA

Okay, I'm officially calling on all long-term Wernologists, or any thread visitors who happen to have a good understanding of the way Lucas's brain misfires, to help me understand this old video.

This is a video that I think we all recognize just because of the incredibly loud, lengthy, and seemingly shameless fart that Lucas rips at the beginning, but today I actually listened through the entirety of this video.

And do you know what I found out? That Lucas makes no goddamn sense in this video. And when I say that, I mean less so than usual.

I'm usually able to understand what Lucas is attempting to say, even though it makes no sense... and the metaphors have a level of solipsism that's painful and cringy.

Back when Lucas used to always compare himself to cheese, and young men to milk, or himself to alcohol, and young men to water, he created this video, where he's attempting to say something about masturbation, telomeres, farting, glasses of milk, and....

I'm utterly, utterly at a loss with this one. I can't even understand what he's attempting to say here. I do understand, of course, that he's trying to frame himself on the top of the little binary duology of older men versus younger boys, but I mean specifically, what is he trying to say with this comparison of masturbation to glasses of milk?

It literally makes no sense, not even in a Lucas way.

I would love for someone to divine what he attempted to mean here. It's funny; this actually bothers me more than it should, my wern autism is such that I'm usually able to understand where Lucas is coming from, but I'm utterly lost on this one.

Any ideas?

Luckily I graduated from Hogwarts school of Flatbills and Bigotry so I understand through the babble.
Basically young men=bad because they have to much telomeres and that somehow affects women negatively.
Old men= good because less telomeres.
Somehow he thinks telomeres can be shared between two people just by fucking.

 

[Da Dude123]

A little throwback to the last song video Lucas released. He looks filthy in this video. Probably due to living on the streets without access to proper sanitary facilities and only having one set of clothing. https://youtube.com/shorts/e88YbGHCdzw?feature=share

 

[klickitat]

Apparently he's hangin' out by an upscale high school and posting his signs there.

(And calling himself a "rich kid")

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

Apparently he's hangin' out by an upscale high school and posting his signs there.

(And calling himself a "rich kid")

So if anything Lucas has gotten worse since leaving the internet in his never ending puss puss hunt.

These latest notes are even more disjointed, and dare I say, Bullaesque, than his online posting, and with none of the context that you at least get with his internet presentation.

If some rando stopped to read these with no idea who Lucas is, they absolutely read like the ramblings of a homeless schizophrenic. Which I guess they are.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Apparently he's hangin' out by an upscale high school and posting his signs there.

(And calling himself a "rich kid")

That’s amazing finally seeing him in the wild like that working on his signs. If someone stops to read maybe he comes out from behind the lamppost and drops his hi I’m Lucas line on them. Wonder where he’s staying right now. He must stink so bad to go up to in person but I hope there is more to this.

 

[mothman96]

That’s amazing finally seeing him in the wild like that working on his signs. If someone stops to read maybe he comes out from behind the lamppost and drops his hi I’m Lucas line on them. Wonder where he’s staying right now. He must stink so bad to go up to in person but I hope there is more to this.

Via his latest court records, it looks like he is staying at the Truth Ministries shelter.

ETA:
So he does have a phone?

 

[WonderWino]

Apparently he's hangin' out by an upscale high school and posting his signs there.

(And calling himself a "rich kid")

'First of all you're on camera right now'

...Lucas apparently didn't stop to think how that comes off as more than a little creepy and stalkerish

'Second the spokane police have my back'

....The same spokane police that have cited and arrested you in the past for your insane behavior?

'My parents own guns!'

....Cause low key implying threats really gets those zoomer panties dripping wet and makes people want to hook you up

'I put these notes up and unruly citizens (nice poor spelling and grammar there lucas), the police do not like remove them...which causes me to add various bits to the story for my own protection like the part about guns'

Uh....how the fuck does low key implying a threat with guns protect you lucas? Literally all this does is make you sound like a violent, unhinged loon

'My enemies are likely tweakers and the right wing' sounds like good random.txt material

and I like how he fucked up and claims its breeding with men under 25 that causes all the supposed problems now. What happened to 35 lucas? Can't even keep his own crackpot research straight even after repeating it verbatim nonstop for years straight

'Find me in public! I won't respond online!' says the guy who immediately posts his youtube account and tells others to 'act like an adult'

and fucking lol at 'my vlog is the most popular in spokane' I very much doubt that

'My disceased grandparents' is pretty amusing as well. Makes me wonder what his massive dissertation would look like of he ever actually managed to finish it

'....that kids he feels like his life now is like the bridges of madison county'

I can't believe he actually wrote that. ffs. Really lucas? REALLY? Not stuck in the early 90s at all then I see

Thee whole set of notes looks like something a psycho shooter scribbles down in a hurry before he goes off to start his rampage

'You technically can't fall out of love with me. i'm now permanently and chemically imprinted upon your soul like a flock to a shepherd. Lucas is here'

Oh yeah, no horrifying creepy stalker vibes from THAT statement at all

and my favorite part is how lucas claims his parents are friends with the cops and bounty hunters that by his own statement 'keep him on a short leash with a quiet watchful eye wherever I travel' not realizing that even if such a thing were true it would make him look like a sped who needs cops and bounty hunters to watch him closely whenever he goes anywhere to keep him from doing something sketchy. Real smart thing to tell zoomer baes right there

 

[Cnaiur urs Skiotha]

Apparently he's hangin' out by an upscale high school and posting his signs there.

(And calling himself a "rich kid")

Hahaha what the fuck. The sign that says "I have the full support of the police. I've been doing research on zygotes" hahaha that doesn't sound like you're screamingly insane at all my dude. Also setting up outside a high school is begging for trouble, he'll be lucky if he just gets moved along by his cop buddies instead of having his ass kicked by a dad while his would-be zoomer wife laughs and films on her phone.

Edit: "Find me IRL downtown in Spokane, in public, all day, every day, usually alone" hooooly shit what a brutal self-own! Fuck me, that's so grim Lucas, that's so fucking dark bro. You think that's gonna get the ladies hot for you huh?

Double edit: What's up with this constant harping on "my parents are friends with bounty hunters, I'm cool with SPD"? Is this supposed to impress Gen Z girls or frighten kiwis and trolls? Lucas thinks all these young girls are "in ACAB" supposedly, but then again he also sees no problem with "millionaire pro-police socialist" parents. Everything else in these posters seems addressed at the Gen Z baes but we all know how Lucas will switch who he's addressing without saying so. I think at the fundamental level he's kind of just addressing a vague impersonal "you", the zoomer baes and flatbills and trolls alike, the whole world that refuses to give him what he wants

 

[WhiskerBiscuit]

Apparently he's hangin' out by an upscale high school and posting his signs there.

(And calling himself a "rich kid")

Okay he says “you technically can’t fall out of love with me” and that’s actually the most sane statement he’s ever made.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Apparently he's hangin' out by an upscale high school and posting his signs there.

(And calling himself a "rich kid")

"I've searched for 5 years"
Its been a lot longer than that, Lucas.

 

[WonderWino]

He made a fatal flaw with those signs - how will the hot zoomer baes every recognize him without having mentioned that he's the guy wearing green laces?

 

[mothman96]

Via these comments, the Freak was creeping close to Ferris HS. I checked and Ferris looks quite a distance from the downtown area.

ETA:
On further checking, Gamestop is at the intersection of S Southeast Blvd and 29th ave. Back in the May he was seen posting a sign at that same intersection.

Lucas Werner

He didn't eat out as much because he was "paying through the nose" for his $350 rent at the last place he got kicked out of. Well... He wasn't paying. He was being parted with other people's money for a shelter instead of blowing it on "cleenker degger".

kiwifarms.net

https://kiwifarms.net/threads/lucas-werner.17234/page-1481#post-8982900

 

[Telomere Savalas]

LUCAS: "Be an adult"
ALSO LUCAS: Jobless, Homeless Pedophile who shits his pants

 

[Obscenity Enthusiast]

Posting these attraction signs so close to a highschool isn't just coincidence, that's his target demographic. Ol' Lukey is out gawking at the high schoolers again like in that infamous pic huh?

He's extremely lucky he lives in an area that's so tolerant. He wouldn't get away with half the pedo type shit he's pulled where I'm from. Honestly, aside from that alleged "Fat Albert lookin fucker" story it's pretty impressive that he hasn't been...confronted... by someone IRL about this kind of stuff already as many people that are familiar with it. A lot of people feel VERY strongly about this sort of thing, enough to not sit idly by.

 

[Da Dude123]

Good on Skeletor for locating the cow. Sitting on the ground. What a bunch of autistic babble these signs are. He is really going on about his rich parents. Even writing about when they retired. He hasn't spoke to them since Christmas, but that ain't no matter. While he sits on the sidewalk being filthy. But he is plenty good and the cops, they are on his side.

The one thing I will say, is these signs along with taping them up is work, more work than screaming into a phone and then posting videos on Youtube or Instagram. Lucas is adverse to work, but I guess he will make an exception.

I hope Skeletor tracks him down again in the wild.

 

[Black Lives Matter]

and fucking lol at 'my vlog is the most popular in spokane' I very much doubt that

Tbf this is probably 100% true

 

[wenttobermuda]

Whether or not Lucas has intentionally made camp by a HS, it is alarming in light of his teen puss puss monomania.

And also not new behavior.

His handwritten attraction signs, semi literate puss puss snares, are depression fuel. Read them, and feel your will to live ebb. Of course, if I had a fecund womb, my reaction to Lucas's thirst would be different.

Having followed Lucas's content avidly, he is recycling old talking points, and growing more incoherent. It seems each time he scribbles out one of his signs, fat faggot cri de couers, another bit of his brain is lost.

 

[Vi0l3t]

Apparently he's hangin' out by an upscale high school and posting his signs there.

(And calling himself a "rich kid")

Hes always loved them middle aged dad sun glasses lol

 

[Picklechu]

I'm not sure if his facial expression was "oh boy, someone's talking to me, maybe they're going to yeet me a zoomer puss-puss!" or "oh shit I'm in trouble, better show my belly and pee a little to show that I shouldn't be mauled."

Dem tiddies are getting floppier.

Semi-related, while at the capitalist utopia that is Walmart earlier today (with my seven queefy zoomer bae girlfriends), I found this body wash that made me think of our Cute Older Daddy. After using it, I now have nine queefy zoomer bae girlfriends, all of whom are smart pretty interesting girls. Maybe if Lucas showered, he could get one too.

 

[Poop Chute]

Oh, he thinks if you have a baby with him he imprints on you and you’ll never fall out of love with him - meaning you’ll be taking care of him forever.

lol