Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial chicks

[mothman96]

Which is why I was not joking when I say I wish they'd give him a drug cocktail that suppresses his sex drive. I can't recall him ever posting a non-cringe comment about what he likes -- "I'd love to meet a woman with pretty eyes / a nice smile / long shiny hair" -- it's always something crassly sexual and worded in a way that would make even a porn star want to try celibacy for a change.

That's because Lucas is functioning more like a rutting animal.

 

[JuniperFalls]

I mean, guys like sticking their dicks in tight holes, right? So I bet they’d love forcing their dicks through a hole the size of a thimble. Sounds just dandy.

Extra horrifying thought: given Lucas' preferred age range for potential victims, "hole the size of a thimble" sounds about right.

Which is another reason I REALLY wish the catfishers and others egging him on would knock it off, because I do worry he might be a danger to certain residents of Spokane. That time he saw a guy on his phone and was convinced the guy was actually a Kiwi Farmer -- yeah, well, so long as it's a GUY on his phone I don't think Lucas will dare bother him. But a cute little middle-school girl on her phone might not be so lucky.

 

[Agoraphobic Bullshit]

“Oomph Oomph, honies.”

Christ he makes my vagina cringe in loathing. I think I just reflexively inhaled my own panties in self-defence.

I feel like if anyone uses that line, canisters of pepper spray automatically appear in the purses of women within a square mile.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Can we all agree that "Telomeres" will from now on be thread code for lucas's farts? As in "longer Telomeres", he's certainly got em with all that cheese. His pantaloonies must be a ring of Ash by now.

 

[Trainwreck]

I got you
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Well, since Lucas won't confirm or deny, I will. He lives on either the 2nd or 3rd floor.

 

[mothman96]

Yup, all the guys in Spokane with hot girlfriends are shaking in their shoes fearing the town psycho is going to talk their girlfriend away. Lucas can prove it's his charm.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Yup, all the guys in Spokane with hot girlfriends are shaking in their shoes fearing the town psycho is going to talk their girlfriend away. Lucas can prove it's his charm.

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As long as we're dreaming, I'd like a pony.

 

[Rogowski]

Add Lucas to the list of people triggered by Dave Chappelle’s new Netflix special. (Let’s be honest he probably thought it was funny like most people his age but he thinks he might get laid for hating on Chapelle)

Being ageist gives Lucas the right to be racist maybe, he won’t cone out and say it.

 

[Agoraphobic Bullshit]

Add Lucas to the list of people triggered by Dave Chappelle’s new Netflix special. (Let’s be honest he probably thought it was funny like most people his age but he thinks he might get laid for hating on Chapelle)
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Being ageist gives Lucas the right to be racist maybe, he won’t cone out and say it.
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Ugh, nobody wants you as an ally Werner. You leave those poor people alone. Don't discredit trans folks with your support, the troons already do thst enough.

 

[Rescuetoast]

Ugh, nobody wants you as an ally Werner. You leave those poor people alone. Don't discredit trans folks with your support, the troons already do thst enough.

I don’t think anyone was fooled into believing he was an ally anyway.

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

Add Lucas to the list of people triggered by Dave Chappelle’s new Netflix special. (Let’s be honest he probably thought it was funny like most people his age but he thinks he might get laid for hating on Chapelle)
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Being ageist gives Lucas the right to be racist maybe, he won’t cone out and say it.
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How does one “correct” being born black, Mr. Totally-Not-A-Racist Werner?

 

[AbraCadaver]

That twinge you felt in your lower belly just now was your tubes spontaneously tying themselves to protect the next generation of humanity -- ovulators and non-ovulators both.

No I think that happened the moment I first read his thread. I’m one of the few women on earth who now understand the feeling of having every single egg in your ovaries simultaneously down their cyanide capsules.

Tell me what you would do in this situation: let’s say you are out somewhere nice enjoying yourself, possibly even a fancy British tea house. You see the pedowern staring at you and taking pictures then notice the smell of his farts creep up your nose. He’d want you to crave his telomeres.

If I knew it was him? Leave immediately. That’s not the joke response, that’s the real one. Check please and GO. I can take on the occasional annoying man who won’t stop orbiting me. I cannot and will not inhale air that has passed through Lucas Werner’s arsehole.

The joke response would be to affect a deep voice, saunter over and ask him if he likes girlcock. Then post his response here.

 

[Rogowski]

How does one “correct” being born black, Mr. Totally-Not-A-Racist Werner?

You’ve got it all wrong, Lucas isn’t racist he merely projects all the stereotypes that come with the word “nigger” on to the friends of the woman he met once and fell in love with and all the men in Spokane who get that sweet young tail that he craves.

 

[TalmudSperg]

Is he lying or is he hallucinating?

My money is on hallucinating. Ready yourselves for another intake saga, lads

Is he having intrusive thoughts, or is he actually hearing things? Sometimes people with bipolar, or people on drugs, will say they "hear things" but it's really just paranoid intrusive thoughts. No true audio.
People who have schizophrenia will have real auditory hallucinations.

So, did Lucas hear these young women demand his babbys, or just think it?

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Is he having intrusive thoughts, or is he actually hearing things? Sometimes people with bipolar, or people on drugs, will say they "hear things" but it's really just paranoid intrusive thoughts. No true audio.
People who have schizophrenia will have real auditory hallucinations.

So, did Lucas hear these young women demand his babbys, or just think it?

So, for the last time, he has real schizophrenia. Insofar as it's possible for a crazy person to hear things that aren't there, that's Lucas. No need to equivocate about this. If you need an example of Lucas "hearing" and reacting to things that aren't real, watch the aforementioned "background noise bigots" video.

Now can we stop debating whether or not Wern is schizo? He IS; has admitted as much, so has his mother. He sometimes says he's bipolar to hide what he correctly realizes is his terrifying actual diagnosis.

 

[mothman96]

Folks, the insane pedo wants us to consider suicide.

 

[Particle Bored]

Folks, the insane pedo wants us to consider suicide.

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I already considered it. It happened to occur in the same moment I was considering what it must be like to be Lucas Werner.

 

[AbraCadaver]

Folks, the insane pedo wants us to consider suicide.

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“Kill yourself,” says man who is the only one here with absolutely nothing to live for.

 

[Rogowski]

Lucas could die of a heart attack tonight and literally only like 2 people would be sad about it and that’s his mom and dad and I feel like even his dad might have a sense of relief.

 

[TalmudSperg]

I love that he has no idea what women want sexually.

“They just want large body parts forced up them, right? They wanna be punched in the uterus? No worries about angle, access to the clitoris, body position, they just sit at home stuffing eggplants into themselves right??”

Matthew: I-you know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books, y'know, she reads books like you probably stuff candy into your unclit.

Chris: [rage button pushed] Stuff...candy...don't...I stuff vegetables into my unclit! I stuff carrots! I stuff cucumbers! I stuff corn! I stuff eggplants into my unclit!