Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial chicks

WonderWino

kiwifarms.net
Please find below an excerpt from Lucas's upcoming cook book. I recommended he do it all online, but he said that as a Gen X stud, a cook book was the way to present his cuisine to the world. Enjoy.

IN THE KITCHEN WITH THE CUTE OLDER DADDY:
HOW TO ATTRACT AND FEED A FERTILE MATE


...​

CHAPTER 1: Why I am ready to come in you and become a father

CHAPTER 2: Appetizers

CHAPTER 3: Salads and boiled vegetables

CHAPTER 4: Wern sauces

CHAPTER 5: Entrees

CHAPTER 6: Women, like fish, are best freah

CHAPTER 7: Men, like cheese, are best aged

CHAPTER 8: Cocktails

CHAPTER 9: Dessert should hurt

....from page 13...

CHEESEY CUKES
View attachment 1312397
Do you like nachos? Who doesn't? Do you like cheese? Of course you do! But maybe you're a health conscious Gen X dude trying to eat more fruits and veggies, and also get some pussy. Maybe it's been over 8 years since you got any. Pussy I mean. Maybe guys are bitches and greedy with the pussy. Maybe women are ageist.

Anyway, you probably want to eat!

The following recipe is a hip, delicious way to satisfy your craving for some cheesey goodness, and to make uncomfortable feelings go away for a little while.

It's cheesey, melty, limp and slick! Easy to chew with dentures, and packed full of calories for long winters and healthy babies. Eat it by yourself in the middle of the night or share it with a Zoomer bae! Don't forget to share. The baes. SHARE THE FUCKING BAES!

Ingredients: Several blocks of mild cheddar cheese, table salt, 1 Hot House cucumber

Directions: First shred the cheese, or slice it thin. At least two blocks.

Now gaze inward and give yourself just a moment to acknowledge the chilling darkness you find there. Yeet me down a bae.

Next, sensuously skin the cucumber with long, slow strokes. Do not compare yourself to the cucumber. See how big your fist and forearm are next to the cucumber?

Slice the cucumbers into little rounds, and top then with a pinch of salt. Place the cucumbers on a microwave safe plate and cover them completely with cheese.

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Microwave on high until the cheese fully melts, at least one minute.

Enjoy! Cheesey Cukes are great served hot, and good cold, too! Try topping them with Wern Try Hard Fry Sauce or Telomayonaise if you're feeling fancy!
Lucas doesn't mention it, but cucumbers are notorious for producing flatulence. Many people find cheese to have the same effect, especially in large quantities. This is a recipe for digestive distress: loud sounds, powerful odors.
......I found this on youtube. Apparently lucas isn't the only one who does this. Apparently BBQ cheesy cukes asre a thing


Also cucumber chicken wings


Between the weird thing for cucumber this guy has his voice making him sound a little.....off this guy might have some food related cow potential

and while looking up melted cheese cucumbers I unfortunately came across this horrifying monstrosity of a channel. I think I may have just stumbled across the perfect mate for the wern
 

wenttobermuda

Socialist pussy hoarder
kiwifarms.net
......I found this on youtube. Apparently lucas isn't the only one who does this. Apparently BBQ cheesy cukes asre a thing


Also cucumber chicken wings


Between the weird thing for cucumber this guy has his voice making him sound a little.....off this guy might have some food related cow potential

and while looking up melted cheese cucumbers I unfortunately came across this horrifying monstrosity of a channel. I think I may have just stumbled across the perfect mate for the wern
Superb finds. You've truly enriched afternoon.

I feel it's not sporting of me to laugh at overweight people, but I can't help but laugh at HungryFatChick. Not at her neccessarily, but at how she suits Lucas (and has so many subs!). That's Lucas's soul mate. He'll never accept it, of course. There's no status or vindication to be had there...even though Suzanne was big, and he's hinted he's historically been ok with big ones....

I bet if he watched her "Taco Belly" mukbang, and saw that she has a home, he'd get a sad little boner.
 

LeeLoo

kiwifarms.net
You can download videos with Instagram media saver app or the kode app. Which video were you trying to get?
There is a real winner where he hard core rages mid rant, screaming BITCH BOY BITCH BOY at the top of his MRSA infected lungs. I have to admit, I’m Lucas level intelligent when it comes to this downloading stuff you zoomers like. If I post an IG video link, can someone download the video?
 

Club Sandwich

kiwifarms.net
house husband
It is widely believed that Lucas did all of this poorly and reluctantly, whining and pouting all the while.
Cute that Lucas frames weaknesses, his filth, laziness and lack of responsibility, as evidence that he'd be a good house husband/little boy/ sex monster.
house husband do many of the same things house wives do: cook, clean, make repairs, make arrangements, arrange and attend social events, raise children, et c.

Lucas does and has done none of these things. the sullen efforts (if any) of performing chores and maintenance tasks, or even tasks for basic hygiene are those of an inept and recalcitrant teenager or pre-teen. a shiftless fatbodied loser.

he has no pride in himself and that lack of pride shows in all his efforts.

Lucas doesn't mention it, but cucumbers are notorious for producing flatulence. Many people find cheese to have the same effect, especially in large quantities. This is a recipe for digestive distress: loud sounds, powerful odors.
admittedly, cucumber/onion/tomato salad with dill and cilantro as pico de gallo is delicious as a side or topping on many things, and high-fat cheeses can be melted onto carrots, broccoli and others as a snack and be perfectly fine. it's the combination of horrific presentation, poor and lazy preparation, and for sure a lack of cleanliness that is repulsive in a lot of Lucas' culinary efforts.
......I found this on youtube. Apparently lucas isn't the only one who does this. Apparently BBQ cheesy cukes asre a thing

Also cucumber chicken wings
i mean, grilling vegetable skewers of all kinds generally works out okay. i don't know about cucumbers, but seasoned and grilled zucchini/mushroom/onion/peppers/pork on skewers that's been crisped up like carnitas is pretty good. and that entire recipe is sticking things on a skewer, adding some seasoning or searing the pork to seal in the moisture a bit, and grilling and monitoring the cooking on the spit for 10 minutes. maybe brush on some garlic butter.

1590185688243.png


but we all know Lucas doesn't do effort... in anything. i can't understand how little effort he puts into the things he professes to be passionate about - the only people like this that i've met are literally stubbornly lazy pre-teens and perma-bachelor losers. nobody - much less a woman worth her salt - would want to meaningfully associate with someone like this because they tend to be leeches and grubby, drama-prone pity parties.

that lack of pride is repulsive in all ways. and knowing Lucas maybe he confuses this type of pride with hubris, which is specifically dangerously corrupt selfishness a far cry from having some esteem and showing pride in your work and the work of others.
 

klickitat

kiwifarms.net
He posted a video on Instagram an hour ago of him literally screaming at his phone repeatedly about greedy men. He has completely lost his mind. It is honestly only a matter of time until he is locked up again and then we'll have no entertainment untl he is released back into the public.
Goddamn, he needs to give a bitch a break and start posting on Youtube again.

Bet he got banned from uploading or something.

The least he could do is film in good lighting so I could get a decent thumbnail. Anyway, the collection of BS from today is uploading. Will edit again when it's done.
 
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Chris Titan

See you in hell
kiwifarms.net
There is a real winner where he hard core rages mid rant, screaming BITCH BOY BITCH BOY at the top of his MRSA infected lungs. I have to admit, I’m Lucas level intelligent when it comes to this downloading stuff you zoomers like. If I post an IG video link, can someone download the video?
This is comedy gold he's way more terrifying when not trying to be

 
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Nobleman

kiwifarms.net
Is Lucas mad that they're opening the state back up because it'll detriment his ability to walk the streets doing whatever he wants all day? Or is it because he'll have to find a new excuse to slut shame now?
Most likely, since Spokane County was just approved for Phase 2 a few hours ago which allows most businesses to open back up with precautions. Now he can't run rampant anymore screaming and yelling.
 

klickitat

kiwifarms.net
Well, looks like I don't have to edit my own post to include the thing now that it's finally edited and up.
Prefacing this with I am absolutely not going to do it, but I wonder what kind of a meltdown he'd have if I sent him a cash request on Venmo for compiling and keeping his BS where potential hotties can see it (let's be real, I do it so those of you who don't want to follow his IG or who he blocked can see it).


I particularly like the thumbnail I chose for this one.
 

wenttobermuda

Socialist pussy hoarder
kiwifarms.net
More of the same. The same fixed obsessions every day. The same wild eyed, schizo rhetoric. The same psych ward manners. The same euphoric sperging. The same thirst. The same longing that will never be satisfied.

He's getting dull, and I fear he doesn't have much more glory in this saga before we move to a psych ward chapter.

Despite the monotony, there are some good moments:

"GREEDY LITTLE BITCH BOY! GREEDY LITTLE BITCH BOY!" screams the thirsty weakling who propositioned an entire generation.

The troll bait/comedian shit continues to amuse me, especially his assertion that his wit makes people angry.

Atheist because he's unfuckable.
 

Chris Titan

See you in hell
kiwifarms.net
Nice!!! There’s an even more horrifying one before this...if you could post it you would be my hero!!
This close up is terrifying. Imagine waking up with him next to ya in in the morning. I wonder does he snore. He seems like he'd be a terrible snorer. In one video he said that zoomer baes can pay him and decide how much time they spend together. In reality they would probably pay to have him stay far away.


Guessing this might be the one


 
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Grand Number of Pounds

Sonichu fan
kiwifarms.net
Homeless schizophrenic bum who is 40 but needs a social worker to handle his money thinks normal adults with jobs, cars and credit cards are too greedy - LOL

it's great that all you need to trigger him is to have a car or credit card

He claims to be a comedian - he would be, if he had a car, credit card, and a girlfriend and enough people paying to support him to act like a dateless, homeless bum doing lunatic rants in public places. He doesn't, so he's just Lucas being Lucas.