Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial chicks

Da Dude123

Love and respect those bitches
kiwifarms.net
Lucas is such a dufus for carrying all that money around on him. I am not surprised, because he is a simpleton and he could not manage a pre paid debit card. I wonder how he gets access to his $10 Patreon money? As a hobo who is around other vagrants he is truly stupid to do that and brag about his tardbux. I am thinking it was his so called friend, who yoinked all his money and phone. And is the Nintendo DS Lite gone? Did he lose it or sell it already?
 

LightEmittingDiode

Ages 16+, choking hazard, may contain nuts
kiwifarms.net
Lucas is such a dufus for carrying all that money around on him. I am not surprised, because he is a simpleton and he could not manage a pre paid debit card. I wonder how he gets access to his $10 Patreon money? As a hobo who is around other vagrants he is truly stupid to do that and brag about his tardbux. I am thinking it was his so called friend, who yoinked all his money and phone. And is the Nintendo DS Lite gone? Did he lose it or sell it already?
That DS was pawned or traded for shit tier weed the second a Gen Z hottie didn’t notice him fumbling with it and spread her legs
 

wenttobermuda

He lost 200 lbs to father their children
kiwifarms.net
Lucas Werner wants to be a father very badly, and will not shut up about it. This hasn’t always been the case. Once, he wanted only to be noticed by “interesting smart pretty girls.” Later, he was more focused on poonaner. And assholes. Now, his attention has fallen on the juicy uteri and “fecund” wombs of Generation Z. Lucas has let it be known that he’d like to impregnate the entire generation.

He wants to be a father. His life is centered around impregnating a younger woman. Oh, and he'd rather not have a son.

Wernologists tend to take Lucas’s obsessive desire to mate and produce (female) offspring for granted, without asking What the fuck is going on here? Is this a symptom of his mental illness? Let’s waste a moment to consider what Lucas has shared with us regarding his desire to be a father, as well as some popular speculation about why he is so desperate to spawn wernlings.

Lucas is socially isolated, lonely, jealous, perhaps sexually interested in children, and desperate to demonstrate to the world that he is a big boy.
Lucas has been interested in “interesting smart pretty girls” since he was little fatty. In his 2010 Personal Reflection he admits that:
...my focus has as always been the same since I was little, getting interesting smart pretty girls to notice me. I just don't think interesting smart pretty girls like me very much.
We know that Lucas has historically been unsuccessful in getting “interesting smart pretty girls” to notice him. In a blog post from 2012, his mother relates the following tale:
When [Lucas] was in 4th grade he LOVED a little girl to the moon and back. He was going to marry her and live happily ever after. This same little girl had a birthday party and handed out invitations for her birthday party to EVERYONE IN THE CLASS EXCEPT LUCAS. I was equally livid and heartbroken for my beautiful son...I can not tell you the hurt Lucas felt, along with the embarressment [sic]. Taking him for an ice cream cone and a trip to the park didn't even help.
Lucas describes experience in high school getting "interesting smart pretty girls" to notice him:
When it came to interacting with the other kids, I struggled at best and lost my temper and embarrassed myself at worst, pushing them away. I was clumsy. So I found refuge in my books and found hope in the fantastic. Especially when it came to girls...Women became sort of this impossible problem I could never quite figure out...I became terrified of ever talking to pretty girls who seemed even remotely interesting unless they talked to me first.
He obsessed over girls, could not talk to them, and seethed with envy at boys who could. He suspected other guys ruining his chances with girls by calling him "gay," and resented that none of his so called friends provided him with poonaner. Suffice to say his life has always revolved courting “interesting smart pretty girls,” and has thus been spectacularly unsatisfying and painful.

Eventually, a woman “noticed” Lucas, though whether she was smart, pretty, or interesting is questionable. Lucas claims to have lost his virginity at 27, and to have 8 ex girl friends (all of them older than him, or his age). This would probably come as a surprise to at least seven of his alleged girl friends. The only verifiable romantic relationship he has ever been in was with a much older women, Suzanne, who’d had her uterus removed at some point, allowing Lucas to blow loads without fear of pregnancy. Their relationship ended when Lucas, full of caffeinated soda and rage at seeing an older man with a younger woman, threw a glass at the wall of a restaurant. Suzanne broke up with him, and Lucas refused to leave her house, or leave her alone, which ultimately lead to his arrest and a jail sentence.

When Lucas emerged from jail, and began courting women again, something had changed. He had previously been willing to settle for an older woman, or date at his level. Now, he resolved to date a younger woman. For the first time. This urge must have been developing for a while, as he was envious and enraged by the sight of an older man apparently enjoying a romantic relationship with a younger woman. And his goal had changed, too: Lucas just didn’t want to get laid. He wanted to be a father now. Lucas later announced this to the world in an essay entitled “Ready to be a Dad.” While much of the essay centers on Lucas’s fantastic telomere delusions, there are several revealing admissions.
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For example:

I didn’t want to be a father and a husband until 2 years ago when I was 36.
Lucas declares that he is:
...both biologically and psychologically prepared to have children.
While he describes himself as a “viable candidate for fatherhood,” he does not make a clear argument as to why he is "biologically" or "psychologically" prepared for fatherhood. As for the former, he takes for granted that he is fertile, and claims that as a 35+ year old male, he automatically has super jizz. As to the latter, he claims to be “mature,” and does not bother addressing the fact that he is an unmedicated schizo with a payee, who can not independently function day to day as an adult.

Lucas continues:
I want to become a father at a gut personal level because I have a love of kids.
His “love of kids” comes across as a little bit menacing, especially considering that he has asked 15 year olds out on dates, and waxed sexually about his 11 year old niece. Lucas is mocked as a “pedo” for a reason. Also note that Lucas has made it very clear that he’d rather have a daughter, and would like his bae to call him “daddy.” He also confesses to a DDLG fetish (dominant daddy, little girl), and used to call himself “CuteOlderDaddy.” Many have suspected that Lucas would like to have kids so that he can fuck them, or torture their assholes. A little girl would not be able to reject Lucas. Every other woman, including his own mother, has.

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Lucas reveals in his essay that his desire to be a father is motivated, in part, by his loneliness and alienation:
I think having a kid would bring me closer to 2 generations...I was always a lonely kid, but the past six years have been the worst, so I think having children and a wife will bring me further from isolation from the human experience of family.
He has no friends, and passing out joints and pep sticks hasn't made him any; his family is tired of him. Thus, a child becomes a substitute for a social life, a link to humanity. Lucas understands that he has no place in the world, and feels that a child would give him one.

Lucas also admits that his desire to have children is driven by envy:
I see couples with young kids everywhere. They’re adorable. My sense of jealousy drives me.
Lucas feels as if he is less than couples with children, and is probably right. Unable to accept that, he believes that having children will prove his worth to a world that doesn't take him seriously as a man.

He summarizes his motivation for wanting to be a father as:
I have three solid reasons for wanting to experience fatherhood. Science states that my age puts me at a prime nature to have children, I’m psychologically prepared to have children and I feel starting a family will ease my tortured loneliness.
Lucas does not make the other reason obvious, instead going off an an incomprehensible tangent about the Fibonacci sequence, “the pattern of nature,” and silverback gorillas who have who have “30 wife gorillas” who protect them from “coups” from younger male gorillas. It's tempting to picture Lucas fantasizing about having 30 loyal wives who protect him from challenges from other, younger males.

Lucas closes with the following hilarious summary:
I am biologically, psychologically, and experencially [sic] prepared to be a dad.
In 2020, Lucas revealed another potential motivation for having children: his father, King Roy, deserves them. He apparently cares if his son "gets some vagina."
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Lucas has convinced himself that his father will be proud of him if he produces offspring. None of his other brothers have done it. There is certainly little for his father to be proud of now.

Lucas’s quest for progeny may also be related to his more general courtship obsessions: he wants to send a message to his male rivals that he is not a low status “bitch,” but rather has sexually reproduced and is thus a “silverback” of consequence and worthy of being taken seriously as a male. Fatherhood is then part of the sexual competition that drives Lucas, as an unsuccessful, peripheral male. An alternate theory is that Lucas has devolved into a rutting animal, and is now firmly in the thrall of his most basic biological imperatives: eat, mate. He is verbal enough to articulate his primal drives, but is merely giving voice to the same impulses that a sexually frustrated chimpanzee has.
In sum, Lucas cannot explain his desire to have children in any convincing way, and hasn’t taken any meaningful steps towards becoming a father beyond thirst posting. One is left with the impression that he believes having offspring will somehow redeem him and give meaning to his otherwise empty, isolated and wasted life.

For Wernologists, Lucas desire for children provides a fascinating and gross example of a man with a desire that will never be satisfied. His Y chromosome will end with him, but until that day he will fantasize about sharing it.
 

Fapcop

kiwifarms.net
While considering the topic "why does Lucas rely on food so much in his courtship quest" I came across this gem:


Lucas earnestly believes that women who date all either: a) want free food, or b) want babies.

Lucas wants the baes to know he's ready to provide them with both.

His meals-for-poonaner fixation is at least partly attributable to his misunderstanding over what women want in a date, or mate: french fries. He apparently came to this conclusion after a Google search. Perhaps he read that some women use Tinder to get free meals (often from schmucks they have no desire to have sex with) and thought "I can offer meals! My dating future is assured!"

LOLOL OMG! Lucas is such a fucking simp.

Despite all his macho bravado and talking about women like they’re property (Don’t hoard the women y’all!) Lucas thinks it’s perfectly logical and fair if a woman goes on a date just to get a free meal.
 
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GleamingTheQ-Bert

Christian Slaterkin
kiwifarms.net
LOLOL OMG! Lucas is such a fucking simp.

Despite all his macho bravado and talking about women like they’re property (Don’t hoard the women y’all!) Lucas thinks it’s perfectly logical and fair if a woman goes on a date just to get a free meal.
This is no doubt because if Lucas were a woman, he would go on dates for free meals. The idea of a free lunch is very appealing to him. So he naturally understands, incorrectly, that people would barter their bodies for tacos and burritos. Lucas would have sex for KFC if he could. Hell, Lucas would probably have sex with KFC if he could. He may have already tried.
 

darkwingosonichugorl

Let me tell you the potential of my balls.
kiwifarms.net
It is worth noting that Lucas is no longer listed on the docket for municipal court since his 3rd charge was added for arraignments On 8/25. On 9/1 and 9/8, he was not Included in the scheduled status hearing or anything at all. this is based on the muni therapeutic court pdf of the weekly Tuesday docket. Other individuals who were in the previous dockets continued to have weekly status hearings which is how therapeutic court should go.
Lucas was changed to biweekly meetings at Community Court every Tuesday 9am from 20 September to 12 January. There's nothing on what this program contains or why he was changed.
 

Da Dude123

Love and respect those bitches
kiwifarms.net
Mark my words. Lucas would chimpout if he found an acceptable baby zoom to take to clinkerdaggers, Churchill's, or Red Robin, or whatever over priced restaurant he is obsessed with. If they broke it off with him after he would be beside himself that he spent his tardbux on dinner and didn't get to have sex. He would be obessed with any woman stupid enough to go to dinner with him.
LOLOL OMG! Lucas is such a fucking simp.

Despite all his macho bravado and talking about women like they’re property (Don’t hoard the women y’all!) Lucas thinks it’s perfectly logical and fair if a woman goes on a date just to get a free meal.
 

INeedUhChickUnder26

kiwifarms.net
Mark my words. Lucas would chimpout if he found an acceptable baby zoom to take to clinkerdaggers, Churchill's, or Red Robin, or whatever over priced restaurant he is obsessed with. If they broke it off with him after he would be beside himself that he spent his tardbux on dinner and didn't get to have sex. He would be obessed with any woman stupid enough to go to dinner with him.
Hey baby zoom zoom zoom zoOm zoom zoom zoom baby zoom zoom zoOm Hey baby Zoom zoom zoom baby zoom zoom zoom baby Hey baby zoom zoom zoom
 

wenttobermuda

He lost 200 lbs to father their children
kiwifarms.net
Hey baby zoom zoom zoom zoOm zoom zoom zoom baby zoom zoom zoOm Hey baby Zoom zoom zoom baby zoom zoom zoom baby Hey baby zoom zoom zoom
Still can't believe "Baby Zoom," or "Baby Zoom II," didn't get Lucas noticed by "interesting smart pretty girls," or laid.


I wonder if there's ever been a man that could get laid after performing "Baby Zoom." I think that by the third "zoom" you're a sexual non-entity.
 

INeedUhChickUnder26

kiwifarms.net
Still can't believe "Baby Zoom," or "Baby Zoom II," didn't get Lucas noticed by "interesting smart pretty girls," or laid.


I wonder if there's ever been a man that could get laid after performing "Baby Zoom." I think that by the third "zoom" you're a sexual non-entity.
The ol' chicken/egg conundrum. Does Lucas not get laid because he performed Baby Zoom or did he perform Baby Zoom because he can't get laid? In this case I think the chicken and retarded egg arrived simultaneously.
 

GleamingTheQ-Bert

Christian Slaterkin
kiwifarms.net
Still can't believe "Baby Zoom," or "Baby Zoom II," didn't get Lucas noticed by "interesting smart pretty girls," or laid.


I wonder if there's ever been a man that could get laid after performing "Baby Zoom." I think that by the third "zoom" you're a sexual non-entity.
I think the strongest reaction this "song" stirs is the desire to plank Lucas in the face with a 2x4.
 

Da Dude123

Love and respect those bitches
kiwifarms.net
"Lucas claimed he had a bump on his head, but all I could see was a pimple."

Lol! Well at the very least we know he exaggerated what happened, if anything happened at all. Of course, Lucas would go to the hospital because he is a ward of the state and gets free medical care due to his exceptionalism. But I sort of doubt he went to the hospital.

I doubt there is actually any video of this.



Since we have a void needing to be filled as Lukey got his phone swiped, please enjoy the report from the “”””assault””””
View attachment 1591395View attachment 1591396
 

WhiskerBiscuit

kiwifarms.net
Lucas was changed to biweekly meetings at Community Court every Tuesday 9am from 20 September to 12 January. There's nothing on what this program contains or why he was changed.

where did we get this info?

Edit to add:
Every time he says “baby zoom” I read it to the tune of Baby Shark.
Baby zoom doo doo to doo
Baby zoom doo doo to doo
Baby zoom

Gen X creep doo doo to doo
Gen X creep doo doo to doo
Gen x creep

Pitch a fit doo doo to doo
Pitch a fit doo doo to doo
Pitch a fit

report fake crimes doo doo to doo
report fake crimes doo doo to doo
report fake crimes!

manic shouts doo doo to doo
manic shouts doo doo to doo
Manic shouts

Gorge and smoke doo doo to doo
Gorge and smoke doo doo to doo
Gorge and smoke

die alone doo doo to doo
die alone doo doo to doo
die alone!
 
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