Lyrical Lolcows -

[ZombieGaryOak]

I've been surfing DeviantArt recently and I've started coming across song lyric deviations. Specifically songs that are hilariously incoherent and/or just really bad, like this:

My Furry Friend - ArtgamerAndy

Spoiler

Bridge: My furry friend ooooh
My furry furry friend!
My furry friend ooooh
My furry furry friend!

I used to sit alone playing games all day
But now I think someone found me in the way
Yeah there's someone in my life who doesn't want to see me bland

My furry friend ooooh
My furry furry friend!

And I feel fine 'cause I got a furry friend

Bridge

Now I like her and she likes me
What a beautiful generosity
Besides of her tail she has much fur
Now I have someone to adore
'Cause I have a furry friend

Bridge

And:
Erin Don't Wanna Change- SithVampireMaster27

Spoiler

Written by: Erin Ryder
Actually written by: Frank Kovacshegyi aka SithVampireMaster27

Erin Ryder: Lead vocals
Kevin Byron: Lead Guitar
Jeff Baldner: Bass
Neil Ames: Drums
Vince Ryder: Rhythm Guitar

(Kevin, Jeff, Neil and Vince are in Lenny's garage, putting down their instruments)
Neil: Doods, I need a break, I'm starvin...
Jeff: Me too! Let's go to Carmen's, guys! Mom said there's chicken nuggets for one buck and we get free fries and onion-rings with it!
Kevin: Good thinkin', guys (Sees Erin coming): Aw crap! Vince, it's Erin!
Vince: All right Erin, what do you want?
Erin: Not so fast, guys. Erin wrote song and she wanna sing it with you!
Neil: But E, we were just about to go to Carmen's to have lunch!
Erin: Guys, you lunch after Erin singed song. Now here you are. (Gives sheets of music to the guys then gets hold of the microphone) Okay, hit it Neil!
Neil (Hits his drumsticks together): A-one-two-three-four!

Erin:
They say: "Hey Erin, your butt is big!"
But Erin don't care, she say: "so what!
Erin like her great big butt!"
She use it to jump on you, and BAM!
You victim Erin's big Butt-slam!

They say: "Hey Erin, change your clothes!"
But Erin don't wanna; she say: "No!
Erin look good from head to toe!"
Take look at the writing on Erin's T:
Nobody's Perfect so why should I be?!

Chorus:
Don't tell Erin what to do
Cause Erin like the way she am,
If Erin want it, she gonna eat
Pizza, Ice cream, cheese n' jam!
Don't tell Erin,
Cause Erin don't wanna change!

They say: "Hey, Erin, lose weight!"
But Erin say: "To Hell with that!
Erin love being large and fat!"
She love eating cake, burgers n' jelly,
And she love her great big belly!

They say: "Hey, Erin, stop being bad!"
But Erin don't listen, she ain't no fool,
She am best student at the Prank-School!
She love to moon, wedgie n' spank,
Don't stand in her way or she kick your flank!

Chorus:
Don't tell Erin what to do,
Cause Erin like the way she am,
Don't start fight or Erin attack
and She gonna crush you with butt-slam!
Don't tell Erin,
Cause Erin don't wanna change!
NO SHE DON'T!

(Guitar solo)

They say: "Hey Erin, you're too gross!"
But they can kiss Erin's arse,
Just listen to her burps and farts!
With her huge freckled butt she gonna sit on you,
Just don't tell Erin what to do!
Yeah!

Chorus:
Don't tell Erin what to do,
Cause Erin like the way she am,
Don't start fight or Erin attack
and She gonna crush you with butt-slam!
Don't tell Erin,
Cause Erin don't wanna change!

No, no,
Don't tell Erin what to do,
cause Erin like the way she am,
If Erin want it, she gonna eat
Pizza, Ice cream, cheese n' jam!
Don't tell Erin,
Cause Erin don't wanna change!

Don't tell Erin,
Don't tell Erin,
Don't tell Erin,
Cause Erin don't wanna change!
And dontcha forget that, b*tch!

(song ends)

Erin: Well guys, what you think?
Jeff: E, that was awesome!
Neil: Yeah, you rock, girl!
Erin: Thanks, guys. Now let's go have lunch! Erin hungry too!

If you've found any lyric posts like this or want to post a lyrical lolcow that isn't quite worth a new thread, then post it here. Just make sure to put them in spoilers unless they're super short.

 

[José Mourinho]

Brought to you by Deeker.

We're no strangers to toilets
You know the rules and so do I
A full diaper, I take one and soil it
Toilet training's what I defy

I just wanna tell you that I'm peeing
Gotta wet my underpants

Never gonna give them up
Never gonna take them off
Never gonna run around all naked
I'm gonna wear them high
Gonna wear 'em wet or dry
To me my diapers are sacred

I've been in diapers for so long
And my butt's been stinking

I've been your brother for so long
My farts've been stinking
You're too inured to smell it
Inside my diapers you know what's going on
P-O-O-P-Y, you can spell it.

And if you ask me if I'm peeing
Dont tell me youre too blind to see

(repeat)

Give them up. Give them up
Give them up, Give them up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give them up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give them up

I just wanna tell you that I'm pooping
Gotta soil my underpants

 

[bradsternum]

That's probably one of the most revolting things I've ever read. And, I mean, I've seen a lot of horrible things on the internet.

 

[Picklepower]

Deeker is fucking revolting.

 

[José Mourinho]

Still from Deeker.
https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Deeker

Spoiler

Rising up-- high up my back

In my diapers, took a big dump
Screwed toilet training and I took off my pants
Just a boy and his will to defy


So many times, it happens to boys,
You trade your pants in for diapers,
Don't lose your right to keep diapers on your ass
Keep them pinned tight to keep them up high


It's the height of my diapers
It's how they're pinned up so tight
Rising up high to cover up my navel
And my thong-clad big sister
Sneaks behind me each night and she's staring and laughing
At the height of my diapers


Butt to back, white as a sheet
Pinned up tight, staying up high
She stacks the layers and she pads up my seat
My sister has the skills to diaper


(* REPEAT)

Rising up-- high up my back
On my butt, that's my story
Screwed toilet training and I'm not going back
Just a boy and his will to defy


(* REPEAT)

 

[bradsternum]

I seriously hope he's dead. This is not hyperbole. Fuck this sick fuck.

 

[Metagross]

I have one that isn't a song, it's a sonic poem, but fuck it's personally one of my favorite things I've found on the internet. It gets better as it goes on.

Spoiler

Red upon green

To the love they decree their way to see the logic in each other's eyes

A sparkle of life or some sort of unexplainable surprise

They continue to stare as the wind blew below

The moon shined bright, casting the shadow back home

Their eyes met under the hypnosis of the time

The moment they spend here will forever be in their mind

They draw closer, slowly do they step

Before being an inch closer, almost losing their grip

No words were exchanged between the two

What else could they have said

He could not say his feelings, to underestimate the other would be death

However the red eyed man had a separate thought in some degree

There is no way this youngster could ever fall for me

Despite the doubts and everlasting wait

They proceeded without question

No reason as to why the other stayed

Their actions were almost involuntary, as if controlled by a man

The master of puppets, playing with the strings in his hand

They did as they pleased and pursued with a kiss

They did not reject the other or ask, 'what is this?'

Black arms wrapped around the cerulean waist

He drew him in closer, he was drawn to the taste

With dignity, he went right along

He too did the same, but pushed him hard against the wall

They deepened their kiss as the sound came aloud

Like droplets hitting a pond that has always been around

The red eyed hedgehog caressed his arms against the back

Slowly driving them down, down and back

The young one widened his eyes at the feeling so pure

As if he wanted something, something he could not ignore

It was too late to reject, he wanted him now

But the question should be, did the dark one want now

To be the time of a virgin would be depleted from the world

A disgrace to people, the people of the world

Red eyes widened, there was no escape now

His expression read, 'please take me now'

To do as he pleased, I could not resist

To give in to the temptation of me having him

Hands caressed against each other over black and blue

Until it crept downward, beneath the legs so fine

The black body kneeled down and looked up whispering, "I will make you mine."

He dug for the groin and placed it in a slide

Green eyes rolled up at the sudden turn

A feeling of sucking was making the vision blur

He wanted him badly to quickly have a turn

But the cobalt didn't mind if there was no time for him

What mattered was that he was giving it all to him

The blue one moaned as the feeling progressed

The feeling of pleasure as he said, "Oh yes!"

The feeling was progressing; it could not be stopped now

The moaning and screaming was increasing now

"Yes! Yes!" he shouted in the alley down the street

The one in the corner where the poor man goes to sleep

He was not here, he did not hear

For he is deaf you see, he could not hear

The tongue felt numb at the constant movement

But Shadow did not care, he was enjoying the moment

He liked to hear the hero scream and beg for more

As if it was at his mercy, the blue one would score

His mouth felt warmer as the feeling went on

What's this? Did his penis get more long?

Shadow looked up but did not change his scene

He watched the hero close his eyes as the mouth released another scream

Then suddenly a hot white filling creamed as a sentimental treat to the awaiting mouth

'How glorious is this? I have cum in my mouth!'

The black hedgehog sucked harder to take it all in

It was then after that the black hedgehog let go

Wiped his mouth with his wrist and begged for more

The blue hedgehog shrugged and smiled with his face

"Geez Shadow, it was me who wanted to fuck you in the first place!"

 

[Something Vague]

[youtube]ZRhxb4UsZpo[/youtube]

JustinRPG is a musical genius. Forget Dan the Bard I must hire him as my wedding singer. He does live in Michigan.

 

[Picklepower]

I remember a lot of members of a Yaoi forum I used to be on, wanted to be musicians, and would post, cringe worthy, angsty lyrics, sometimes not even rhyming.

 

[soIregistered]

I remember a lot of members of a Yaoi forum I used to be on

wat

 

[The Hunter]

sometimes not even rhyming.

In all fairness, lyrics don't need to rhyme. Hell, songs don't even need to have lyrics to be good. But I'll take you word on the angsty thing.

 

[Picklepower]

Remember Balloon Boy? well he's back in metal form. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17BVReUeUE0

 

[The Hunter]

Remember Balloon Boy? well he's back in metal form. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17BVReUeUE0

Yo, I don't care if they're like, 11, they need to fire that drummer. And everyone else.

Also, I don't know who Balloon Boy is, but this is pretty amusing.

EDIT: Oh, NOW I remember! Fun to see how daddy's still pushing his political beliefs on his kids.

 

[Saney]

Remember Balloon Boy? well he's back in metal form. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17BVReUeUE0

That kid whose parents claimed that he was stuck in a weather balloon?

 

[The Hunter]

Remember Balloon Boy? well he's back in metal form. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17BVReUeUE0

That kid whose parents claimed that he was stuck in a weather balloon?

Yep. I saw another one of those videos. It was tornadoes for the first minute or so, then 9/11 clips and trying to prove 9/11 was an inside job or something and that every international tragedy is just media hype.

 

[Saney]

Remember Balloon Boy? well he's back in metal form. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17BVReUeUE0

That kid whose parents claimed that he was stuck in a weather balloon?

Yep. I saw another one of those videos. It was tornadoes for the first minute or so, then 9/11 clips and trying to prove 9/11 was an inside job or something and that every international tragedy is just media hype.

...Oh my fucking God. Why did we let him breed?!

 

[Picklepower]

Dress for success, wiki wiki wiki. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED8k6SZFhXw

 

[Something Vague]

You know, I'm not remotely surprised Balloon Boy grew up that way based on his parents... He is still young, he isn't completely beyond redemption yet, but still.

 

[Shadow Fox]

Then suddenly a hot white filling creamed as a sentimental treat to the awaiting mouth

'How glorious is this? I have cum in my mouth!'

God damnit, I'm at work right now and trying so hard not to burst out laughing.