True & Honest Fan
Her bowling ball head has made its own permanent nest in her memory foam fat.



I imagine the tiny primitive savages that live on Planet Ham being very confused by the constant unpredictable eclipses.

I cannot wait for the montage makers to do their work because this video is nothing but money shots.

I can’t watch. Idk why but it actually makes me sick to watch Big Al or Chantal touch & rub their fat faces with their swollen, sausage fingers. Thanks in advance to all you brave souls who take the time to write a recap.

I get this as well. Her faces squishes inward so much that it just looks unnatural and it's unnerving to look at. How must it feel to have so much extra padding on your face?


Torrid Haul
True & Honest Fan
this video is literally a paint-by-numbers of the same old shit
  • some kinda challenge no one asked for
  • over-selling excitement/nervousness to make it seem more interesting (it still isn't)
  • acting like people value her insight/opinion
  • or want to look/act like her
  • "situation"
  • "liveeen"
  • "so kyooote"
  • "rilli pretty"
  • "you guise"
  • eye-fucking herself in the viewfinder
  • "mirror" as one syllable
all this is missing is her eating while talking about how much she knows about kaloreese, a fresh crop of journals, and Becky telling a story about a dead relative

Diet Coke 4 Life

When I peek, it is in the line of duty.
There is now a liquor shortage in my house.

0:00 “Hey guise!!! (Toddler clap)” And here I am just balking at the fact that the bra is dirty as fuck. Yikes. Spaghetti strap tank top and a filthy bra = classy af.
0:10 “I have a whole… mini… fan situation” I swear, this bitch and her ‘situations’. I want to make a ‘fist situation’ with her face the more I hear this bullshit.
0:36 “I always put on my makeup the same way, and I use the same products ((blah blah blah)) I like to experiment as much as I can, but I’m good at doing winged eyeliner and that’s about it.” Bitch, those wings are uneven every time you do them. Might have to do with the fact that you’ve got 40 lbs of fat hauling your arm towards the ground every time you try.
0:42 “I have been getting an Ipsy bag for three months now.” Well, I am no makeup guru, so whatever, I will just nod and play along.
0:45 “So I’ve gotten three Ipsy bags” WHICH IS IT?! Have you been getting one for three months, or do you have three? I am now officially confused.
0:50 “I personally love Ipsy bags. I think they’re fun. I like to try new things.” But you just said you always do the same thing and use the same products. -_O#
1:01 “(giggle) I’m using this cute bag!” Oh shut up.
1:10 “I remember doing the unboxing I was like “I won’t use this” and um, I’m obsessed with it now. I don’t know what happeeeened” It’s called you went into your hoard and found things you’d forgotten about.
1:20 “But everything that’s in here is everything I’ve gotten from Ipsy.” Wow. For three months of collecting and having gotten three Ipsy bags, that’s a very tiny haul. Or is it three months of getting one Ipsy bag? I’m still befuddled.
1:30 “So I thought it’d be kind of fun to only use Ipsy products. I don’t know how this is going to go. (Makes gurgling noise) I’m kind of scared.” Bitch, you’re scared of everything.
1:50 Anyone else want to smack the shit out of her every time she smacks her lips? I sure do.
2:10 “So obviously I have to use my fingers, so if you’re grossed out, don’t watch.” I thought they made sponges and shit for that. Don’t they? Don’t they?!? Get’cher 'beetus fingers off yer face!
2:25 “This stuff smells like coconut. (SNIFF) I am actually liveeen” Huh, she looks happy as a damned clam because she smells food products. Go figure.
3:13 (as she’s smearing shit around on her face with her hands) “This is really weird. I really should’ve rethunk this video idea.” And your life.
3:15 “I feel crazy doing this. (Still smearing shit on her face with her dirty fingers” Oh please. Don’t act as if you have never applied your nasty foundation on your moon face with your fingers before.
4:18 “I’m nervous (makes squealing noise as she dips a brush into eyeshadow)” GAH if only you’d have the same nerves about your ever climbing weight!!
4:37 “I know people do their eyeshadow before they do their foundation. I should’ve done that because fallout situations are not fun.” Fuck, I want to play a Fallout situation. It’d be more pleasant than watching this dumbass situation. Situation.
4:52 “Oh my god, this is so freaking pretty. (Eyefucks herself in the camera viewfinder) Um, liveen!” I want to smash her face in with a thesaurus situation.
5:25 “I think this is really pretty” Dude. It’s a horrendous green. The fuck.
5:52 “I ruined it, I ruined it, I ruined it.” Yup. You blended gold and a heinous green. It looks like absolute shit. And mentioning that you have no mascara and nothing to do your eyebrows… yeah, those patchy, sad tufts of hair are really adding to that disaster area clownish makeup you applied to your eyeballs.
6:26 “I dun did” SHADDUP.
6:28 “It is what it is and it is what it ain’t” SHADDUP. FUCK.
6:38 “We’re going to do some blush. This is cruelty free so it’s vegan. I love that for them.” I am now a twitching mess. (Takes 2 minute break to slam down a beer. Which is not advertised with any touchy-feely buzz words)
7:13 “Put a little blush situation (rubs filthy sausage finger on face in concentric circles) OK, I don’t remember how to do blush actually.” You don’t remember how to do anything other than shove food in your mouth. We have no expectations, Hamber.
7:37 “I look horrible.” Yes. Yes you do. You attempted to blot out the moon with makeup.
8:00 And now she’s scared of a liquid eyeliner because it’s not the shit brand she always uses. It’s not a fucking scorpion you’re rubbing on your face, idiot. It’s makeup. Just do the situation!!!
9:02 She put on the saddest wings ever. Looks like shit.
9:18 “We have two lip situations we can use” FUCK YOUR SITUATIONS!!! (Takes 30 seconds to get whiskey - beer ain’t enough)
10:16 (applying the most garish red clown lipstick ever) “What in God’s green Earth” ON, BITCH, THE PHRASE USES THE WORD ON.
10:36 “Woah! (Sucks on her own lips) That’s like a matt situation!” I can’t even. What…?!
10:50 “(applying a second lipstick on top of the shit she’s already put on) I don’t know what I’m doing. I just don’t know.” No shit. Couldn’t be assed to watch any tutorials beforehand with all your time being consumed by stuffing your face and watching whatever bargain bin DVD you put your fat meat mitts on this week.
10:55 “I need to get lip fillers because, you know, that’s the problem here.” No, you need to lose about 30 lbs of fat from your face. Then maybe you’ll look like you have lips, as your features won’t be drowned out by blubber.
11:02 “This looks insane.” You keep using these words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean. Hideous does not equal insane.
11:14 “This would be the final product, but I’m gong to do my eyebrows and do my mascara.” So dummy made a challenge to use only what she’d received from Ipsy, but now is breaking that challenge because she looks like a 'tard. Whatever.
11:22 “eye situation.” (RAAAAGE - 3 minute break for liquor)
11:48 (rubbing elf shit on her eyebrows) Holy hell, how did she make it look WORSE?!? Her eyebrows are lopsided and don’t match her fucking nasty poopy hair. Wow.
11:58 “I actually look like a clown right now.” I have no words. She stole them.
12:42 “I will actually do this eye look again, but try harder and not make it, like, a challenge situation.” Pardon me while I froth at the mouth. Her eye look is fucking terrible. Of course she’d love it.
12:47 “I’m liveen for these eyes (eyefucks herself for many long moments)” At least someone is.

TL; DR Amber smears shit on her face and is afraid situation. Situation.
At least there wasn't a single Boo Boo.


Local Moderator
True & Honest Fan
Doesn't look like the cat scratch on her arm is ever going to heal.
It has healed, the scar is just hyperpigmented. That sort of situation is going to be a situation until she does something about her insulin resistance situation type deal.

"I need lip fillers"

You know what will help make your lips look fuller Amber? Losing some weight
Hey, if she wants to get lip fillers, don't discourage her. There's no way it could go wrong. Just ask Tess Holliday.


I was like - whuuuuut???
The beetus-colouring is making its way to her underarms you guiiize 😲


Oh Hell no... I want my Mama 🙈🙈🙈


Hamber finds it hilarious to keep telling us she's liveeeeen' when clearly bitch be dyeeeeen'


Speechless! I fear this one isn't even sarcasm...



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Question: For a while I've been thinking that the reason Amber uses makeup wipes, or just doesn't wash her face when she doesn't have wipes, is because her gut gets in the way and she can't reach the sink. If so, how does she brush her teeth?
Probably not too often, but she might get a cup with water that she would swish in her mouth after brushing, spit in and wash the brush or make her butler wash it. I've seen children do it, so she should manage.

Chía P.
She's been talking about getting lip fillers for a while now and I don't know if she does it to fish for compliments as she does when she says she wants to cut her hair.

I do hope for her to get the fillers! Imagine her with the Trisha stiff pout look 😂 Of course, Amber wouldn't get them at a recognized clinic in L.A., she would go to the cheapest beautician in the area and probably get baby oil injections. Liveeeeeen 💋

Cuck Duck

Ducky Mo Ducky Momo, he's your very best friend!
She already did. Only a couple of people caught it and recognized it for what it was. There are even
2 large bloody (but not bleeding) sores in the shot.
And I thought my scarred up legs were ugly
Wow, not only is she diet fuel, but she's also a body image booster!
No matter how scars, bruises, and scrapes my legs endure at least they won't be like hers lol