Sonichu Mauvman's Gallery of False and Dishonest Sonichu Stuff -

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Hi, I'm Mauvman Shuffleboard. You may remember me from such classics on the other forum as That Picture of a Duck I Drew and Those Things That Nobody Reads. Of course I was known as Darkbind's Two Balls back then because that's just how things worked out. This thread's purpose is simple, to store any Sonichu thingamajig that I write separate from the main one that's been kicking around since the Yuku days, and any other stuff I had lying around. Here's a table of contents, have a nice day.

Table O' Content

GodJesus's Random Access Humor: Posts 2-4
- Sonichu's Inferno - Post 2
- Spegatorio - Posts 3-4
- A Pun Superior to Trollsta's Paradiso - Post 4

Spoiler

GodJesus's Random Access Humor is something vaguely resembling Dante's Divine Comedy written by someone who doesn't know what that is. Rather than Heaven, Hell and Purgatory Sonichu ascends the tower of Four-cent_Garbage in order to beat up the guy that drew pictures of Rosechu with a dick and learns something about Spanish along the way.

That Vaguely Sonichu 11 Christmas Type Dealie: Post 5

Spoiler

The Vaguely Sonichu 11 Christmas Type Dealie is a Christmas type dealie vaguely related to Sonichu 11's Christmas special and is full of mediocre rhyming and little much else. Can Chris learn the true meaning of Christmas before Michael Snyder punches him in the solar-plexus? Maybe, that is not discussed in this special.

Sonichu X - Post 6

Spoiler

Created by Wooshoomoo or something of the sort back on Yuku, Sonichu X is a pretty rad fancomic that gives no fucks.

Picnic - Post 7

Spoiler

Another rad fancomic, this time from forumer. Created by Miss Echelon Picnic is sort of like what the Sonichu comics would have been after a sex change operation.

Bitter Hearts/Cold Hearts - Posts 8-13

Spoiler

I can't remember what this one's about, I think TugboatCaptain wrote it on Yuku and it's like a dark and/or edgy sequel to Sonichu. Cold Hearts is its continuation but was never completed.

Chris: The Madness Returns - Posts 14-16

Spoiler

This one's probably similar to Alice the Madness Returns but I never played it so I have no idea, basically Chris is in a mental institution and he hallucinates about CWCville sometimes. It was nearly complete at one point but most of it was lost, taste the disappointment when you realize you'll never see how Pikimon's neato tale ends.

How the Troll Stole Christmas - Post 17

Spoiler

A very lazy Christmas special and obvious Grinch recolour done at the last minute by some Mauvman jackass.

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

GodJesus's Random Access Humor:Sonichu's Inferno

Spoiler

When retroactively I became a legal age
I went to find my sweetbolt Rosechu
We did the do and it was awesome

But soon enough I found myself
Subject to the gaze of a million prying eyes
Lost within a series of tubes

It is hard to tell what it was
Hand drawings perhaps, but so lifelike
Just remembering makes me ill

Created from high atop a tower
Slanderous trolling of the grandest sort
I went forth to right the wrong

It can't be said how I found the tower
The creator was too full of stress
At the point where he drew the panels

However I got there one thing's for certain
Nothing in my life caused a greater fear
Than the looming shadow of Fourcent Garbage

Looking above it blocked out the sky
The tallest structure I've ever seen
As high as heaven, as dark as hell

The double doors bore inscriptions
Warning signs to discourage entry
Now it seems my fears were not unfounded

THROUGH ME THE WAY TO STRESS AND SUFFERING
THROUGH ME THE WAY TO SLANDER AND LIES
THROUGH ME THE WAY TO THE LAND OF THE TROLLS

JUSTICE ISSUED BY THE GOD AND THE BEAR
MY MAKER WAS THE GREAT DIRECTOR
THE HIGHEST TRUTH, HONESTY AND LOVE

ABANDON EVERY HOPE ALL WHO ENTER HERE
HAND DRAWN ORIGINAL INSCRIPTION
DO NOT STEAL

Stepping through the magnificent gate
Thoughts of the inscription shivered my spine
Still, I refused to abandon my hope

The inside was like that of a volcano
Painted with burning shades of yellow and red
Though the room itself felt cold

I walked up to the counter at the lobby's center
Some manner of devil with his back turned
Was the only other being in the big empty room

I asked him where the person responsible was
The one that had insulted us so
I must meet with that man and teach him a lesson

The devil replied without turning to face me
The one you're looking for is on top of it all
He's all alone on the 72nd floor

A long way up I'd have to climb
The building was taller than it looked outside
I asked for an elevator to save me some time

Unfortunately for you, there are none here
All 72 floors are connected by stairs
But if you'd like I'll unlock the door

It was inconvenient but maybe for the best
No machine moves faster than I run
Up the stairs I'll zap to the extreme

If only the stairs were built in that way
You wouldn't have to search around
For wherever they chose to put the next flight

It will take quite some time even with your speed
And all that will happen is you getting lost
Going fast won't help if you don't know the way

If you aren't in a hurry you could follow me
I will guide you to where you're headed
It'll be a tour like no other

I accepted his offer and followed behind
He unlocked the door that would have barred my path
Revealing a room full of garbage and clutter

An elderly woman hidden among the piles
Sat alone in the filthy chamber
Not even the rats or flies paid her any mind

The devil led me through the maze
Towering trash heaps every which way
How he knew where he was was a mystery

We kept walking on and on
How much further? I asked the devil
A few more turns and we'll leave the trash

I probably shouldn't have even asked
The journey was bound to be long
But even now, I hoped for it to end soon

Shortly after I asked we exited the rubbish
To my surprise the floor was tiled with records
There was too much clutter earlier to tell

Only a small portion of the room was clear
But it was a wise choice for it to be this one
The stairs were only just ahead

As I walked up to the next floor
I felt a mysterious presence
The air around me seemed to cool

For a moment I saw sight beyond sight
I saw the crosses burning
I saw the internet being cut down

Then as suddenly as it began it stopped
I continued onward as if it never happened
Still seeing a ghostly old man in back of my mind

The second floor was very different than the first
In every way it appeared to be a small church
With only one woman sitting in its pews

Take care where you tread
She has a watchful eye
And it would be a shame for it to find you

Nodding my head I made sure to be sneaky
The devil hid much better than I
Vanishing entirely as he stepped in the shadows

Scanning the room for the next staircase
I found a crack in the ceiling above the altar
Where light shined down from above

With the absence of stairs it would have to do
As far as I could tell it was the only way up
If only it wasn't in her line of sight

Regardless, I moved forward
Inching closer silent and swift
Until I could spring forth through the gap

The floorboard cracked as I pressed down
Immediately the woman turned and looked
Reaching into her purse she retrieved a phone

She said to me "stop right there
You lying thief, leave this place
Or else I'll be calling the police"

Before I could say a word in my defence
The devil rose from the shadows between us
Facing the woman he started to speak

They never come so give it up
We haven't done anything wrong
There's nothing you can do

The woman called the devil "Beel"
Apologizing as she put her phone back
Then slumped over in her pew defeated

A ladder dropped down from overhead
Beel climbed up calmly and I followed
With the woman faintly sobbing behind us

I asked Beel why we were hiding back there
If the woman couldn't do anything
Was there any reason for it at all?

She still has the satisfaction of finding you
When you're hidden she feels somewhat useful
She's not here for torment

The third floor wasn't too bright
It had seemed almost blinding from below
But now that I was here it was different

This hall felt almost like a museum
Paintings were hung on every wall
Protected by glass casings

Most were drawn in the manga style
Their quality was decent, but far from professional
One looked almost like Patti, but it couldn't be so

At the end of the hallway we turned to another room
In this one art was no longer hung on the walls
Nazi uniforms and memorabilia were displayed instead

This all really takes me back
You know what they say
The Third Reich's the charm

I ignored Beel's comment
Though I wasn't surprised by what he said
He was a devil after all

At the end of the room was a window
A young lady was looking through it
Dressed as a sailor soldier

She seemed to be trapped inside
Pushing with all her might to break free
Getting nowhere by the looks of it

All these things in here are her's
But she is not permitted to have them
Because of all the gifts she refused to accept

The room soon led in to a few others
One full of games and toys
And another full of miscellanea

Soon enough we were at the museum's end
Another hallway of art like the first
Though the art itself was quite different

Each painting depicted the same person
The very same woman imprisoned on this floor
Every last one drawn by some madman showing his love

The best example for this was the end of the hall
A large mural showed the woman naked
Complete with glowing genitalia for some reason

I felt a bit disgusted when I reached the stairs
Passing through the mural was odd alone
But the choice of entrance was worse

The fourth floor was a large auditorium
Every seat filled with a faceless figure
Scrutinizing every event on the stage

Another young woman was the focus
The spotlight followed her every move
Not that her stage fright let her go anywhere

As we went up toward the balcony
Beel took the time to explain
What she was doing out there

All she wanted was to be left alone
To distance herself from prying eyes
It didn't happen as you can see

The audience snickered in unison
To the untrained eye nothing had happened
But she must have done something, and they mocked it

The balcony's staircase smelled sweetly
Not something I expected in a place like this
Maybe it was the flowers lining the walls

From the balcony I had a better view of the room
The curtain lowered and the audience got up
Everyone made their way down to the stage

The spotlight kept following the young lady
A swarm of people mobbed her as she tried to escape
Bombarding her with hundreds of questions

Beel came over and tapped my shoulder
The way up is over here, come on
I stopped watching the stage and followed

He led me to a supporting column
There was a ladder on its side
Going all the way up to the ceiling's trapdoor

The fifth floor was painted in green
It resembled a nursery of sorts
Though entirely bare of furniture

The floor had an odd feel to it
Something hard to place but creepy
A faint voice seemed to permeate my mind

The voice itself was eerie and terrifying
Striving for cuteness or perhaps innocence
And yet missing the mark by miles

What it said was even worse
I don't know if I'll ever forget
No matter how much I want to

It professed its undying love
Promised to be together forever
Even in my dreams

It was right about that
The voice certainly was in my dreams
Nightmares mostly, but dreams just the same

Drawings scribbled on papers littered the floor
Most of them were of a couple and at least one heart
But aside from that the room was empty

To my surprise I found a door
One that Beel didn't seem to know of
Behind some wallpaper was an elevator

I pressed the button to summon the lift
Nothing much seemed to come from it
No sounds of moving parts or anything

Still I waited, the building was quite tall
Perhaps it was simply too far to hear
I was patient and soon the door opened

What I found inside was not what I expected
There wasn't so much as a platform to raise me up
Though it looked like an elevator, it was no such thing

As the door slid aside a stench filled the room
A young red haired woman dressed in green was there
With her neck wrapped in the elevator's cable

The hanged woman appeared to be alive
I doubt she noticed me though
Her eyes were closed and she was wracked with pain

She didn't share his love
She turned away and ran
But she won't be running anymore

The cable above went on forever
Taking care to avoid swaying it I climbed
Quickly finding an invisible ceiling

I bumped my head where the sixth floor would be
The blow took me by surprise
And my hands slipped from the cable

Beel laughed as I hit the floor
Ignoring him again I looked around
Taking note of things I never saw before

Two hermit crabs were being mildly annoying
Clawing at the woman's feet with their tiny pincers
It would have been cute if they weren't so bloody

From the ground the source of the odor was clear
The woman's bottom was diapered and sagging
With the phrase "too hot for collection" written on the front

I closed the door behind me and her be
Beel had already moved on to the next staircase
I told you already there isn't an elevator

The sixth floor was unique in that it was on fire
Though there wasn't a single trace of the blaze below
Everything in sight was engulfed in flame

I was surprised when Beel walked through the fire
Not surprised that he could
Just that he left me behind

I tried to hurry and keep up with him
It was hard to be quick and evade the fire
The flames burned me if I ever got close

Somewhere in the distance I heard voices
A woman crying in pain
And a man enjoying himself

There was no time to see for certain
Exactly what was going on
Though judging by the sound, I was quite sure

As I neared the stairs the fires grew less intense
What wasn't burning was covered in foliage
Grass, bushes and even bamboo

From the door to the staircase I turned to the side
Through the smoke I saw two figures
Their positions confirmed my suspicions

This one is guilty of two crimes
She burned in a fire and was raped
And she will continue to do so until she learns

The seventh floor was wildly inconsistent
Different parts were designed by many different people
Then assembled in a rough patchwork

As I crossed the uneven floor
Speakers in the ceiling played music
A cover band of sorts, not very good

Masks and disguises were scattered about
It looked like quantity and quality fought
And quality was crushed

We soon came to a large open room
Flooded with water like an artificial lake
And for some reason filled with miniature boats

In keeping with the tradition
Another young woman was here
Chained to the bottom of the pool

She is legion for she is many
Her face is a mask worn by liars
Now she drowns in a sea of falsehoods

Model boats are falsehoods? I asked in jest
Though silly they have their purpose
Each one reminds her of someone she hates

Beel pulled a rowboat to the shore
He sat down and readied the oars
I followed him in and he rowed across

As we passed through I felt nauseated
At first I thought I was merely seasick
I turned my head overboard with intention to vomit

The problem lied beneath the water
The woman below was still alive
And she was screaming as we passed

Of course by now I should have known
Though they should die they don't
Still, I always hope they do

The eighth floor was white as a ghost
The ceiling walls and floor all the same
A sterile eggshell colour, spotlessly clean

The floor was simply one large room
All there was to see was one large jar
A jar as tall as the ceiling itself

Its contents were hard to determine
A green liquid soaked everything inside
Obscuring what was held within

The objects inside were partially dissolved
The liquid must have eaten away at them
Though why they were there was anyone's guess

Soon enough it was as I feared
The jar was yet another woman's tomb
A place for her to wait while death never comes

She was nothing but an evil thief
Always hoarding what wasn't hers
Or destroying what she stole

We climbed a knotted rope on the jar's side
Beel turned to me and said to look away
I complied, unsure of what he was doing

When my head was turned I heard a crash
Looking back I saw Beel with his fist through the jar
At that moment the smell of brine was overpowering

Be very careful inside the jar
If you value your flesh I'd avoid the liquid
Mortals are very fragile

He enlarged the hole until we could fit
Breaking pieces of glass off with his hands
Once he was satisfied he jumped on in

Wading through the deadly liquid
He made his way to a chain in the center
Then swung it my way and told me to catch

Though it looked to be completely rusted
The chain still easily held my weight
I swung back to him and climbed up above

It was only when I reached the ninth floor
That I truly realized what the liquid could do
When I felt the floor too clearly with my feet

Though I had only touched the liquid for a moment
The soles of my shoes were already eaten away
Any longer and I'd never run again

This floor was a beautiful and lengthy hallway
In many ways it resembled a cathedral
With the kind of architecture that lasts ages

In the distance I saw a woman
Immediately I started to worry
Though she appeared alive and well

As beautiful as the room itself
She seemed to stand there happy as can be
But the other floors were a cause for suspicion

Walking through the hall I expected the worst
With each step the room seemed to decay
Falling apart and breaking down

Still the woman seemed fine
Perfectly content with it all
I even heard her singing

Continuing further the cathedral morphed
Crumbling away as if years were passing
Gathering dust before my eyes

In the end I stood before her
And to my delightful surprise
Not a single thing was wrong

She wasn't being tortured or maimed
She wasn't crying in pain
She was just fine, waiting alone

A single step further shattered that image
The grand hallway had vanished
The entire room was just a ramshackle shed

The sweet songs she was singing left
Now the walls wailed without end
Julay, Julay, always Julay

The woman I saw before was gone
Replaced by a pointed blue pillar
Impaling a man right through his heart

The man pretended to be someone he's not
Wearing two faces he tortured his love
Now he knows how a broken heart feels

Beel stepped on the man and climbed the pillar
I followed suit but found my leg caught
Grasped in his hand he pulled me back down

He said to me something I'll never forget
"Destroy the medallion
Shove the pieces up your ass"

I gave him my word that I'd do so
His hand relaxed its grip
Now I could climb freely again

The tenth floor was dimly lit
But as far as I could see
It was designed like a school

Most of the lightbulbs were dead
Others still flickered but barely
Beel walked out into the darkness

There wasn't enough light for me to follow
I stumbled around in the darkness
Then went down the wrong way

With Beel nowhere to be found
I had to search each door myself
Unsurprisingly, most were classrooms

Down an adjacent hall something caught my eye
A door with more light leaking from under it than any other
I went to investigate and found a lock

Usually I'd prefer a key
But it didn't matter much in here
I kicked it down with a single strike

Strange machines pulsed with energy
Wired up to glass containers
Each housing a human brain

A neat stack of corpses was to my side
Middle aged people killed cleanly
Missing only the tops of their heads

I don't know how he got there
Beel had been waiting this whole time
Did he know I was coming?

They conspired to control his life
Keeping the shell sealed shut
But couldn't control their fate

Pushing aside the shelf of brains
Beel revealed another door
With the next staircase behind it

The eleventh floor was built of stone
Resembling a medieval castle
With floors carpeted in purple

Guards stood in pairs at every doorway
Wearing brown clothes and chainmail shirts
Armed with spears and a sword in their belt

They didn't seem to mind us
Letting Beel pass without a fuss
Though they eyed me with suspicion

We passed through the castle's winding halls
Until we came to a throne room
With a large black mirror hanging on the wall

The strange mirror seemed to reflect a staircase
Even though there were none in the room
Beel wasn't interested and kept walking

Where he was headed I couldn't tell
Every hallway looked identical
But with time we came to a guard like no other

He was a giant of a man
And as dark as he was tall
His armour barely seemed to fit

At first he seemed hostile
Raising his spear as we approached
But Beel wasn't concerned

He reached into nothingness
His hand vanished for a moment
Then returned with a piece of wood

The man took the bit of wood
Then bit down upon in hard
He lowered his spear as he chewed

Past the guard were some prison cells
Only one contained a prisoner
An old woman in a viking helmet

Beel opened the cell door
I expected her to move but she didn't
She just lay there as he retrieved a scepter

She tried to make true love illegal
Cock blocking of the highest order
But this dungeon is built for love

I didn't want to imagine what he meant
Because of that it's needless to say
I was much quicker to leave than enter

On the way out we were approached by the guard
He was friendly and wanted us to know
That the wooden badge was delicious

Going back the way we came
The twisting halls led to the throne
And the staircase within the mirror

Beel walked in and raised the scepter
Its tip glowed brightly as did the mirror
As energy ran through it the glass shattered

From out of the mirror came a river of smoke
Billowing forth until it reached our feet
Where all of a sudden it became solid as stone

He cast aside the scepter and went on his way
We walked up the clouds until reaching the stairs
The glass reformed behind us and the smoke dispersed

The twelfth floor was built like a kitchen
Or rather, many kitchens put together
Perhaps it was a kitchenware showroom

In any case the room was innocent enough
Even easy for us to navigate
Just straight down the middle

Soon enough we were through
At its end a simple door
Leading off into a hallway

The exit was several times larger
Than the door from which we came
Built for giants, not people

To my right was a trophy case
Completely void of its contents
With the protective glass shattered

We continued on toward the large door
It was too high up to even open
So we crawled beneath its bottom

On the other side was another kitchen
Except much larger than the others
Constructed for a colossal chef

We crept across the floor
Avoiding his attention as we traveled
Though he was already distracted

He shouted at the stove
Insulting it for its incompetence
Then drew a gun and shot

A voice from within the stove replied
I don't know why he chose to rap
But he did so while burning alive

He didn't know a winner never cheats
He stole victory with his tricks
Now he knows a cheater never wins

The chef remained furious
Firing another shot
Asking him to try again but better

At the end of the room we came to a crack
Through the crack in the wall was the stair
Just one this time and twenty feet tall

Scaling the stair was no easy feat
Its surface was smooth and slippery
And after several tries it was conquered

The thirteenth floor was all too familiar
A near identical copy of my own home
Though something about it just wasn't right

Photos of me were still on the wall
More fabulous than before
At least as far as I could tell anyway

The pictures of Rosechu were definitely wrong
For one thing she was a man
The same problem that had brought me here

Has anyone ever told you
How great your wife's moustache is?
Because it is truly marvelous

I didn't let Beel know
Just how seriously I took his joke
I just smiled and nodded

There were cardboard boxes all around
Full of products displaying my image
Shirts, toys, placemats and wristbands

All slightly off and a little bit odd
Manufactured cheaply and poorly
Counterfeit merchandise by the looks of it

In the hallway leading to the stairs
One of the boxes was overturned
Bras spilled out from the open side

Labeled "Max Muscle Support Product
Suitable for geriatric females
And overweight males uncertain about their sexuality"

A toothless old man stumbled out from my room
I wished he was wearing clothes at the time
And still had all his parts

The man fled to the bathroom for cover
A flock of ducks followed behind
Quacking menacingly with bloodied beaks

He is an imposter and a thief
Getting rich by fraudulent means
Now he knows all about getting ripped off

I shuddered as they pecked down the door
When I passed by I averted my eyes
I could bear seeing his gruesome fate

Don't worry about him
Tomorrow he'll be fine
And it all begins again

That makes it worse I said to Beel
He didn't care, he never did
I wondered if he even could

The fourteenth floor was Japanese themed
Or at least based on what Japan would look like
In the mind of someone who didn't know

The result was a clash of stereotypes
Feudal architecture and samurai
Mixed with almost futuristic technology

A sign welcomed us to the floor
"Ultra Great Rave Dojo
For use with party and karate"

Colourful lights flashed nonstop
To the beat of loud pop music
Presumably Japanese

It seemed everywhere I turned
I'd find a ninja, which was odd
Considering how well they hide

The further we went away from the music's source
The flashing lights grew more scarce
Eventually becoming rather dark

In this room there was only one light source
The instrument panels of a dancing robot
Who if I recall was really quite good

In the corner was a sad looking man
Blind to the joys of a robot dancing
Sitting alone with nothing to do

He promised the impossible and had nothing to offer
Dangled the carrot too far from home
Now he waits for what will never come

The man moved his hand to scratch his head
A beam from the robot was fired suddenly
Scorching the man to punish his movement

As with all the others I left him behind
I doubt I could have helped anyway
Maybe I really did abandon my hope

The fifteenth floor was a vast library
Filled with countless tomes of untold knowledge
Shelves upon shelves as far as I could see

But in the distance a familiar sound
Crackling and buzzing
Like the burning blaze below

As I expected we headed that way
Progressing further the room warmed
Though that really wasn't unusual

The closer we got to the fire itself
The shelves were less organized
With many books missing or on the floor

Those opened were all vandalized
Pages torn and ripped
Or written over in pen

I was shocked when I saw the flames
Though I expected the fire
Those who tended it caught me off guard

A dozen oily men stood around
Wearing only the bare minimum required
Tossing books into a pile

From within the burning stack
A hand reached out
Trying to free itself from the books

He compiled knowledge at a terrible price
And when in the end it fell apart
He was there to catch it

Beel approached a bookcase
Gesturing me to come over
He pulled a book and the wall opened

The sixteenth floor had a tropical feel
Almost like I was outdoors
On the beaches of Hawaii

It was a nice place for a stroll
The sound of the surf was relaxing
And the air was fresh

Unlike me, Beel didn't seem to enjoy it
The nearby volcano was more up his alley
And just where we were headed

At the beach's end was a corpulent man
Tied to a rotating spit
Roasting on a fire

Next to him two businessmen dressed in suits
With suitcases full of money
Watched in anticipation

The man being cooked took a knife
Carving pieces of his own flesh
To serve to the others

It was an unfair exchange
In return they threw wads of cash
That burnt up in the flames

He placed a valuable bounty he didn't pay
The hunter lost a piece of himself for nothing
Now he's saving up to buy his freedom

The floor was a lot smaller than it looked
Though it somehow created an illusion of distance
The volcano was really quite close

At its summit Beel dove into the lava
Out of nowhere a rock then formed
Which he told me to stand on

So I too jumped into the volcano
Landing on the rock that had appeared
The ground below began to rumble

The volcano erupted, sending me skyward
Through a hole in the ceiling I never noticed
As it had been masquerading as the sun

The rock I had been standing on plugged the hole
But somehow Beel still made his way up here
Not that I was complaining

The seventeenth floor was like a funhouse
A hall of mirrors arranged in a maze
Some plain and others distorted

No matter where I looked I saw my reflection
Walking with Beel through the room
And sometimes there was someone else as well

Every now and then I saw him
A man in a brown striped shirt
Playing an acoustic guitar

Throughout the room I swore I heard him
Singing and playing that guitar
He sounded just like father

In my absentminded wandering
The reflections tricked me and the road forked
Then I went down the wrong way

Lost in the mirrored labyrinth
I searched for a way out
And while I was at it, that man

He seemed to take notice of me as well
Sometimes I heard him saying
"Come forth Sonichu, my son"

I eventually reached the maze's end
The man was waiting there
Inside a very unique mirror

"It's me Sonichu, your father
I proved my worth, I'm the real one
Yet still they called me the liar"

Just as I was about to reply
The mirror housing him fell forward
The glass shattering as it did

Beel was standing on the other side
Shaking his head from side to side
Before turning around toward the stairs

He impersonated greatness
But never could live up to expectations
Always just a pale reflection

For the remainder of the room
I heard the music no longer
And saw the man no more

The eighteenth floor was strange visually
Blocky and low resolution
Like a videogame with a polygon problem

In theme it was like a knockoff CWCville
The streets were there though poorly rendered
And everyone was an angular mess

Together we walked to a part of town
One where I had never been
I never knew we had a courthouse

Through the edges of its door
I seemed to phase through
As if it didn't exist

Undeterred by that oddity
Beel led me into the courtroom
Where a trial was underway

I quickly noticed four young men
They looked different from the rest
Entirely real and defined

Copies of my friends and I
Were there watching the trial unfold
Then the very triangular lawyer stopped talking

The judge turned to the four
Asking how they pleaded
They said not guilty in unison

The judge assured them it didn't matter
They were to be executed in any case
Just like every other day

One was sent to an electric chair
Rigged up to ten switches
Everyone I recognized stood up

My polygonal counterparts went
Flicking the switches one by one
Until electricity destroyed the man utterly

Another was hung up on the wall
Where his body was mutilated
Scrambled to pieces by a drill

The next was lucky
Death by firing squad
A quick death with no fuss

The last was a tad confusing
He just stood there
Nothing seemed to happen

Then suddenly his arms contorted
Bending back out of socket
Before finally ripping apart

His legs followed suit
Then at last his heart burst
Leaving a bloody mess on the floor

They tried to play god
Creating twisted beings
Their creations rebelled

Beel walked past the bodies
Then flicked the switches
Seemingly at random

Whatever he did it served a purpose
The electric chair moved aside
Revealing a door to the stairs

The nineteenth floor was in shambles
Chaotic construction with no standard of safety
Every wall covered by the rampant graffiti

In some ways the room
Reminded me of the library below
Without any of the organization

There could have been just as much
Information stored in here
Except on pamphlets instead of books

Piles of papers were scattered about
Some taped on to the walls
While others were being torn down

A bunch of roughnecks were here
Hostile toward everyone else
And quite obviously drunk

No matter what the others did
It was a subject of ridicule
Sometimes even violence

Walking through the room
Many of them turned toward us
But kept their distance

Instead they preferred insults from afar
A creative lot they were
Calling us fags in three different ways

These were the ones who started it all
A hateful collection of cowards and liars
Damned to eternity with each other

There was nothing else to see here
No one being tortured in particular
But in some ways, this was worse

The twentieth floor was built like a shop
Games and hobby equipment were on display
Though no one seemed to be working here

Looking out the front window
I saw a middle aged man sat on the sidewalk
Begging for money

I didn't get a chance to get a good look
Beel already started heading down the aisles
And I wasn't about to be left behind

Along the way were two boys
Playing a game of cards
While hands from below grasped their feet

They struggled to focus
Resisting their pull
But before long they were one floor lower

Fortunately this floor was quite small
And already we had reached the stairs
With next to no trouble

All that stood between us now
Was one more young man
Immobile on the ground

Upon closer inspection he was stuck where he was
His face and the floor were fused together
Though I have no idea how that could happen

The thieving liar deserves not one red cent
Banning and barring an honest man
Now begs in the street for change out of pity

The two pulled under first shown them the way
Sending them out to attack their foe
There's something they should have known before about that Chan

And this one here is at his own fault
He should have listened
He knew his face would be smacked down

The twenty first floor was pitch black
I couldn't see at all
I followed Beel by his footsteps alone

I had no idea where we were going
The dark halls went on for a while
All quiet except for us

With time we came to a large chamber
The only one on the floor with any light
Illuminated by a ring of fire on the wall

In the room's center was but one man
Bound to the floor by locks and chains
Spouting hateful speech at every moment

The man looked to be in the prime of his life
Well toned muscles and a handsome face
He'd have been attractive if he were less orange

He constantly turned about
Facing paintings on the wall
Of images ever changing

Each one was someone I've seen before
The other prisoners of this tower
This man watched as they suffered

He egged on their tormentors
Encouraging the misery in others
To forget his own pain

Around his throat was wrapped a chain
Coiling tightly at every moment
Strangling the life from his body

The area around him changed at every second
Subjecting him to the pain of others
Every torture in the tower to punish this man

Though this man looked tough as nails
And delighted in inflicting pain
Even he could not help but weep

The king of the trolls
To avenge his brother he led them all
Now shares the fate he brought upon them

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

GodJesus's Random Access Humor: Spergatorio

Spoiler

The twenty second floor was blocked by a gate
Large, imposing and beautifully carved
It was inscribed much like the first

THROUGH ME THE ESSENCE OF ALL THAT HE'S DONE
THROUGH ME THE PRESENCE OF ALL THAT HE'S TOUCHED
THROUGH ME THE KNOWLEDGE OF ALL THAT HE'S THOUGHT

HISTORY RECORDED BY THE GOD AND THE BEAR
MY MAKER WAS THE GREAT DIRECTOR
THE HIGHEST TRUTH, HONESTY AND LOVE

BEYOND ME NO SHIT IS TOO MINOR
HAND DRAWN ORIGINAL INSCRIPTION
DO NOT STEAL

I waited for Beel to pass through the door
But instead he had turned around
And started to walk away

I have shown you all I could
There is nothing more I can do
I know not what lies beyond the gate

I considered asking him to stay
Even if he didn't know the path
I'd feel safer than going alone

Instead I asked a different question
"Is there another there to guide me?"
He shrugged and then disappeared

I held my breath in worry
As I pushed the door open
And passed into the room

My decision was a fortunate one
I just may have spared my lungs
From what I saw when I looked up

A cloud of smoke loomed above
Thick dark and toxic it was
Armed and ready to choke a man

The fools inside thought otherwise
Many were seeking higher ground
To breathe in the horrid fumes

Soon enough I encountered trouble
I had no inkling of where to go
But had a desperate need of air

To my surprise I did not cough
Below the cloud was remarkably clean
The freshest breath I've ever taken

From across the room a door flew open
A homely woman came bearing news
Panting as if she had sprinted here

"It's about to launch" is all she said
To cause an uproar in the room
The crowd followed her in anger

Now I was almost alone
Except for one strange man
Standing on a stepladder

He was dressed like a vagabond
Not faring too well against time
And invited me over to his ladder

I haven't seen you here before
Sit down stranger and tell me
What brings you to this tower?

I took up his offer and then my seat
And after a while I explained it all
The whole journey of twenty one floors

Then fortune has smiled on us both
I've been growing tired of this place
Ever since the tobacky stopped being wacky

I know the way to where you're going
I've been there once before
Though admittedly I was younger then

The name's Inos and I'll help you out
But there's one thing you should know
I need smokes more than anything else

He tried once more to reach the cloud
Standing on the tip of his toes
As he did the smoke rose higher

Inos climbed down and walked with a limp
Leading me to where the others had gone
Coughing and wheezing as he went

Don't mind the cough my young friend
It's but a tickle in my throat
I'll fix it soon as I light up again

We walked through an empty field
Toward a pillar in the distance
A rocket ship preparing to launch

The crowd had gathered around
Watching as crates were packed in
Jeering loudly in protest

I'll be damned if they go through with it
Sending the tobacco to the moon
Whoever heard of such nonsense?

We'll have to hurry there's no time left
And that rocket's our only ticket out
I really hope you can run

I carried him with me as fast as I could
Reaching the launch site with seconds to spare
We hid in a crate and stowed away

Inos stuffed his pockets while we waited for takeoff
With an overcoat full of things to smoke he told me
He had almost enough to last the day

Soon enough the craft took off
I felt it soaring right through the air
But then suddenly it stopped

With a violent crash we rocked forward
Whatever we hit was certainly sturdy
And we had arrived at our destination

The twenty third floor resembled a bar
Aside from the wrecked rocket that is
A seedy looking place oozing despair

Here something struck me as odd
Nobody at all was drinking
Instead they all stood and complained

Lighting one of his many cigars
Inos headed over to the bartender
Asking for his finest reeb

The bartender refused and pointed up
A neon sign hung overhead
Reading "Reeb: a slow acting poison"

Liquor liquor everywhere
And not a drop to drink
For a moment Inos turned away

I thought he was heading for the stairway
But instead he lifted a chair
And threw it at the bartender

I reserve the right to pick my poison
How dare you call yourself bartender?
You're a lying prick and a bastard

I shouted at Inos right then and there
Telling him to stop the violence
As it could beget nothing good

He wouldn't listen though I was right
Two burly men came and carried us out
Kicking us straight to the curb

Or at least I expected a curb
For it wasn't one at all
A conveyor belt dragged us onward

Through a skull shaped tunnel
Into a horrific factory
Out of someone's nightmares

I began to sweat profusely
As we approached a burning oven
That Inos didn't seem to fear

All he did was sit and smoke
Enjoying the grey industrial scenery
Completely calm in the face of death

Relax there's no need to worry
What's the worst that could happen
We come out the other side baked?

His words didn't do much to help
Though his confidence was inspiring
I still closed my eyes as we drew near

The temperature started to climb
I knew very well where we were
Any hotter and I'd have burst into flames

When the air around me cooled once more
My worries stayed behind me
To burn in the oven where I didn't

On the other side we both looked singed
However I wasn't that surprised to see it
Having gone through an oven and all

The conveyor belt led into a vat
Filled with a boiling watery liquid
And once again Inos wasn't fazed

This time I trusted him and did not worry
About the horrible things that might happen
Thanks to him I believed they wouldn't

Into the liquid we went
I felt my skin dissolve, then my bones
And then it was all just a blur

A foggy memory is what remains
Of how we reached the twenty fourth floor
Perhaps it's for the best

In this room were many vaguely familiar faces
Everyone was wearing costumes and masks
The awful ones from many floors below

The decorations in here were deceiving
Trying to convince me it was Halloween
Failing miserably, but trying nonetheless

A man approached us in awe
With a spotted square taped to his chest
Made of orange construction paper

He asked who I was so I gave him my name
When I asked for his he replied "Fred Flintstone"
Something about that made me doubt his claim

Maybe it was that he was too skinny
Or maybe that he wasn't a cartoon
Probably that he was wearing cardboard

I asked again for his real name this time
But once more he replied the same
Adding a hearty "jabba dabba" for good measure

That right there was proof enough
Clear evidence to the contrary
And still he stood by his claim

He was beginning to try my patience
So before I asked for his name again
I removed the orange cardboard square

Now his answer changed slightly
Though was even more infuriating
He said to me "Fred Flintstone naked"

I tried to point out he still had clothes
He wouldn't listen and began to grapple
To retrieve his so called costume

I let him take it and walk away
He was a few bees short of a hive
Utterly convinced he was someone else

In my conversation I lost Inos
He must already have been on his way
Looking around I soon found him

Or at least someone similar
They both may have dressed the same
But right away I saw that this one didn't smoke

He introduced himself as colossal something
I couldn't be bothered to pay attention
As I had just spotted the true Inos

Strange folk up here on this floor
Wearing costumes for some lady
Off in a place they'll never reach

The twenty fifth floor was a busy place
People gathered together like sardines
I dare say it was impassable

I couldn't imagine why the place was packed
As far as I could tell it was a fashion show
Did they really draw this kind of crowd?

From where I stood I could see the stairs
Though that didn't mean I'd be out soon
With a crowd this reluctant to budge

As we made our way through
We had nothing but time
To see what the fuss was about

A model walked out on the runway
An overweight man with a shirt too small
Posing in supposedly seductive ways

His shirt was mostly red and blue
Layered in thick horizontal bands
Separated by small white strips

The announcer started to speak
With an exaggerated sense of excitement
Thoroughly impressed by the plain shirt

"Our next model here proudly sports
A style that stands the test of time
The one, the only, the classic."

More models came and left
Wearing variations on the same thing
All fundamentally the same

The parade of "classics" went on for a while
I started to lose interest in more of the same
Until the announcer said something odd

"We all know no one likes ugly pecs
And here's the latest way to cover them up
No man should be without the muscle bra"

I questioned both his reasoning and solution
Especially after seeing the model
He looked absolutely ridiculous out there

The variations on this look were more interesting
If only for what slogans they sported
How could a bra saying "want woman" fail?

Clearly these two were the focus of the show
The other clothes weren't hyped to such an extent
Although they continued to baffle me

From the horizontal horror to the gay trucker
And strangest of all, the tomgirl attire
Which was a fancy way to say dressing in drag

I didn't know what a tomgirl was
I didn't want to find out either
But Inos said I would know all about it later

The twenty sixth floor was like a bingo hall
A small number of people sat at tables
While a man and woman hosted from a podium

The man turned and spoke to us both
"You two there look like fine fellows
Would you like to take part in our contest?"

I saw no harm in his offer and asked
Exactly what sort of contest it was
And what sort of prize to expect

His response was entirely pointless
He said only that it was a contest
And that the prize was to win

The woman that stood beside him left
And brought Inos and I each a card
On mine the number 19 was written

She showed us to a table
There we sat and waited
For the man to open an envelope

The excitement was certainly building
Everyone was on the edge of their seats
Waiting for him to speak

The room was completely silent
Until the man said "twelve"
And a roar of disappointment overcame the room

Amidst the groans was a single cheer
A young woman who I assume won
Jumping joyously waiting for her reward

The hostess went and presented the prize
A massive novelty cheque made out to "winner"
Worth the incredible amount of "win"

For a moment she took much pride in her victory
Laughing at the sore losers making death threats
Until she spotted us being far less dramatic

Her smile became a frown as she stomped over
"Why aren't you two jealous?" She asked
With a face as red as a potato

Because it isn't a big deal my dear
My friend and I haven't grown attached
To that large paper of yours

"Well you should have" she said before leaving
And returning the cheque to the hostess
Where everyone waited for the next number

At this point I had seen enough
We got up from the table and left our cards
Then walked up the next flight of stairs

The twenty seventh floor had a vaguely Mexican feel
Mexican in much the same way as the earlier Japanese floor
A town built more from stereotypes than any truth

A mariachi band was playing, all with sombreros of course
They wore matching ponchos and stood beside a vendor
Selling a variety of spicy smelling foods

Inos had trouble getting his bearings
He seemed to have no idea where he was going
But neither did I so I followed along

After a fruitless search for the stairs
We decided it might be wise
If we asked someone where to go

Inos approached the nearest person
An unimposing man copying down a bus advertisement
And at the last second he decided against asking

I went over to ask for myself but Inos stopped me
What kind of man copies bus advertisements?
In all honesty I had no idea how to answer that

I don't know either and I'm not about to find out
We'll ask someone else where the stairs are
Someone that does something useful

After a few more minutes of aimless wandering
The solution to our problem came to us
In the form of a man named Ricardo

"Hola seinor are you dos el losto?"
I told him we were looking for a staircase
Or some other way to the twenty eighth floor

"Ay caramba that is no bueño
This problemo is mucho my fault
Muy sorry holmes, follow me"

We followed Ricardo for a while
Almost back to where we began
Where he pointed out a door

"I crashed into siesta earlier
Mi sombrero coverto el puerta grande
So you didn't see it with your eyes amigo"

Surely enough the door had been covered earlier
By nothing more than his comically large sombrero
Ricardo said "good adios" when we passed through

On the twenty eighth floor my vision blurred
As far as I could tell the room was poorly lit
With a nasty yellow tinge to it

Something peculiar was going on
I was having trouble focusing my sight
Everything I looked toward seemed just out of frame

Watch your step in here
Then watch your eyes
They tend to wander around these parts

It took some time to get oriented
At first it was hard to account for it
But soon the visual distortion seemed normal

We walked by a rough model of the tower
Though tiny and made of plywood
From a distance it might be convincing

Standing beside the model was a man in a costume
Though his face was clearly visible
He was obviously supposed to be me

"Wow. Now that's tall" He said with no expression
Looking into the camera I only now noticed
I suppose he was shooting a film

After saying his line he ran to a camera
It had been placed nearby and pointed at him
With a jerking motion he aimed it at the model

Pulling on a nearby lever
Balloons fell and a banner read "birthday boy"
Right at the top of the tower

"That wasn't the explosion I wanted" he sighed
"And you guys ruined my shot
Oh well I'll fix it in post"

Let's be on our way my friend
This professional demands perfection
And wouldn't settle for anything less

Reaching the staircase my eyes sharpened
Once again seeing straight and clear
Without the unusual yellow tint

The twenty ninth floor was wired for sound
Albeit not wired well by any means
Cheap audio equipment was all around

A strange fellow stood by a mixing table
Wearing goggles, headphones and fake ears
Adjusting the settings according to his whims

A group of people were playing instruments
Though I'd hesitate to call them musicians
The noise they made wasn't at all musical

One was playing a chunk of plastic
Flicking a little wedge back and forth
Emitting a constant clicking

Another had a pair of bongos
Which she beat vigorously
Replacing rhythm with random

A third was murdering a harmonica
Causing an agony without compare
The sounds it made could be only screams

The last of the group was screeching
His high pitched wails sometimes formed words
Which is more than I can say about melody

And for some reason beyond my understanding
A radio was in the room with them
Playing the same bland pop song they were attempting

To my relief the cacophony stopped
Though a few seconds before the radio's rendition
And the guy with the goggles congratulated them

He said the plastic guitar was better than wood
That the bongos had a wicked beat
And the harmonica solo was epic

Strangest of all is what he said of the vocals
Whereas I heard a sharp grating squeal
He complimented his deep bass voice

On the way to the stairs the noise returned
The song just recorded played through the speakers
To everyone's delight but ours

You know, it never ceases to amaze me
The kind of garbage kids today listen to
Back in my day songs had to have music

On the thirtieth floor was a long table
Every seat except for two was occupied
By a fairly old businessman

The man at the table's opposite end
Said that they had been waiting
I know not how he foresaw our arrival

"So what's the brilliant idea?" He asked
"You said it was to be the next big thing
Please make this worth our time"

Having no clue what he referred to
I took a moment to think of something
Looking at Inos gave me an idea

Reverse smoke alarms is what I pitched
A siren that activated in smoke's absence
To increase the profits of cigarette companies

I like the sound of that
Though nobody else did
They asked Inos instead for the real pitch

Well gentlemen its pretty simple you see
All you have to do is combine franchises together
Fusing them into one perfect entity

You could rid yourselves of those surplus toys
Felix the Cats and Woody Woodpeckers that didn't sell
By adding a dash of the most famous of mice

A Feliwoodimickey or maybe Mickdylix
By adding the products you're adding the fans
I guarantee there are billions to be had

Inos passed over a strange looking sketch
To which the businessmen nodded in approval
And thanked him for his genius

Though the idea was utterly foolish
It seemed to impress them greatly
Which I suppose was for the best

They talked amongst themselves for a short time
Then one made a phone call to someone
Once he hung up he addressed Inos

Apparently a meeting was arranged
Up on the thirty fourth floor
The man came over to shake his hand

With that out of the way we could move on
At the back of the room were the stairs
I always knew that napkin would come in handy

The thirty first floor was but one tiny room
An old fashioned parlor with a lit fireplace
Where a snooty looking man rocked in his chair

I should have known not to judge by appearance
But when he started to speak he caught me off guard
I was expecting something much more sophisticated

"Y'all should turn b-, turn back to down there
I am da uh, true master of this here chamber
And nobody gets through but me."

It may have sounded far fetched
But still I was inclined to believe
Since I myself found no exits

What if we were to refuse to turn away?
And continued on against your wishes
What would happen to us stubborn mules?

The man seemed puzzled by what Inos said
For all the time he spent here waiting
It didn't seem like he knew what to do

"Mules? You two a-, you two aren't mules
You're a person and your friend's uh
He's some sorta creature I spose

Not a mule though, I uh, I think that's clear
Buhbyebaynose I don't care much to hear it
It doesn't matter here so much as such

An'anurr thing while I'm at it
Y'all lu-, lucrid crooks should just go home
Keep your uh, your mislabels in your pockets

Cuz I don't wanna see em' slapped on
All of the like y'know, things they don't belong
That'd be a slanderous mockery of the truth"

We nodded along as he spoke
He lost me pretty early on
But Inos remained focused

I'd agree entirely if we were crooks
Though we have been misunderstood
A meeting awaits me on the floors above

"And here I was thinkin' it all wrong
That you were peanuts spreading lucricities
Too many, um, crooks and such

And now for somecummpentydifferent
Since y'all aren't my uh, adulterous foes no more
Looking back on today'll be fondful

I don't ev-, I don't ever have guests
And it's a very nice thing vested unto myself
For uh, a nice change of the old pace"

The man got up from his chair
Extinguishing the fireplace
And gesturing for us to enter

Surely enough it was a lift
To take us to the floor above
As we ascended the man said "faredoo"

The thirty second floor was remarkably bland
Everything about it seemed to be crafted for boredom
With no single element drawing attention to itself

Suddenly a voice coming from nowhere in particular
Vaguely similar to the man we just saw
Took it upon itself to narrate our travels

"Sonichu, a Real Cool zappin' dude
Wearing his slick blue Sneakers
And ORIGINAL white gloves

Was walking around with Inos
A 78 year old Jamaican war Veteran
Who had a cold for the past FIVE years

Together they were Going up above
Climbing the Fourcent Tower
To make RIGHT a WRONG"

It was a tad eerie listening to the voice
He seemed to know more than he should
Worst of all he knew of my distrust

"As Sonichu and Inos walked around
Sonichu got Creeped out by the narrations
Not even knowing their hidden SECRETS

SPOILER ALERT: I'm the Writing writer
Spreading exposition all through the floor
Which by the way Represents writing

END OF SPOILERS: A door was there
In front of Sonichu and Inos
With Evil creatures on the other side

The evil creatures want to fight
But Sonichu wasn't worried
Because Good always beats Evil"

After the writing writer stated the obvious
He didn't seem as threatening to me
He knew too much but was still harmless

On the contrary to what he had said
I was not so confident at the time
Not for my own safety, but that of Inos

He was old and in questionable shape already
In a physical confrontation he wouldn't last
It's not always as easy as good and evil

"What Sonichu was clearly forgetting
Was that he is the HERO and was born to win
Good beats evil and he was good

Nothing Bad would happen to him
That would displease the GREAT DIRECTOR
And Sonichu's foes would feel the Fury of his Wrath"

I instructed Inos to stay close behind
I didn't want my guide to perish
Then slowly I opened the door

The noises from the other side had stopped
No longer did I hear vile monsters panting
Instead it was as safe as where we stood

"Fortunately for Sonichu a vortex appeared
And all of the Monsters had to go home
Thanks to the Love in Sonichu's HEART"

He called it a vortex, I'd say a plot hole
In the writing writer's manuscript
A remark he'd probably resent if understood

As we continued through the desert of blandness
We were approached by a pale doughy fellow
Desperately searching a female companion

He said something along the lines
Of anything with breasts will do
Before he wandered aimlessly elsewhere

"Buddy Pal McGuy bumped into Sonichu
He was a very Handsome man
Even his MOM told him so

He was wearing a RED shirt with stripes
Alternating different Shades of Red
Two to be exact, ONE light and one dark

His pants were pants, Handsome ones
Like SMARTY pants except with good looks
Because he was Attractive not bright

Buddy Pal McGuy was so lonesome
And Sonichu and Inos followed along
To help on his quest for TRUE LOVE"

Again in contrast to what he said
We did not follow along at all
We went a completely different direction

However it seems like it didn't matter
As we ran into Buddy once more
In the process of wooing a young lady

He asked her simply if she would like to have sex
I suppose he wasn't one to beat around the bush
Honesty was one thing he had going for him

She accepted his offer in the strangest of ways
Saying her only three interests were to fuck, shop and cook
In that exact order with no room for changes

"Thanks to Sonichu's emotional support
Buddy Pal McGuy was able to find his Sweetheart
To love and to CHERISH Forever and ever

Sonichu's journey through this floor
Had a very happy ending too
All thanks to the Writing WRITER

15 minutes and a FILTHY Cigarette later
They found a staircase and all of its Stairs
Which they would climb and leave me behind"

On the thirty third floor I wanted to take it back
Any and all of my complaints from earlier
About the quality of the polygonal floor

It'd be a vast improvement over what was here
An extremely limited palette of colours
Like those in a box of crayons

Applied with the same grace and precision
As one would expect from such a tool
Having trouble remaining within the lines

Which I suppose might explain another oddity
Much of the time the background was colourless
But like everything here it fluctuated wildly

Every shape and proportion was subject to change
Even stationary objects pulsed and warped
It was hard to tell, but it was CWCville

Just like before it was a replica of the city
Though most everyone in it were only white blobs
And every building was more or less the same

The exceptions were perhaps even stranger
Deformed beings of impossible geometries
Acting as if it was all ordinary

I don't think it would surprise you much to hear
But truth be told these are some of the ugliest out there
Even though they believe they look perfect

I followed Inos through the indistinguishable streets
Though I had no idea where he was leading me
All the landmarks I knew so well were gone

On the way to wherever we were headed
I saw a most unsettling sight
Some splotches of colour roughly resembling my love

Rough in every sense of the word she was
A wretched creature with no semblance of beauty
Exposing herself more than she should

I did not dare speak a word
Lest she taint my memories
Replacing my love with a twisted beast

You shouldn't concern yourself too much with her
Everyone on this floor faced the same treatment
It isn't her fault, she's just drawn that way

Inos's words meant nothing to me
He didn't know how I felt
Whenever she was dishonored so

That was why I was here after all
They say imitation is the most sincere flattery
Most sincere perhaps, though dearly insulting

Eventually it became clear where we were going
A monolithic grey structure with few defined features
Though there were windows near its bottom

It would seem that I needed to climb the tower twice
But by now I knew this wasn't the case
No matter how tall it seemed it was still only one floor

The crude version of the gate was without inscription
In its place were some scribbles done in pencil
Not that I expected anything different

The building's atrium was nearly a solid red
Broken only by golden railed walkways above
And Beel's perplexing blue desk

The front segment of the desk at first seemed natural
But from every angle it looked to be the same
Always looking back at me head on

My eyes may have been drawn to the desk
Yet Beel was still nowhere to be seen
His skin blending in with the background entirely

Despite all this copy's faults
At least it had one advantage
A fully functional elevator

Momentarily it was a relief
When I saw the seventy two buttons
Getting to the top would be simple

But of course it wasn't to be
And the thirty fourth lit up on its own
Taking us to the next floor

Here was like a shopping mall
Bustling with people walking about
Each with bags upon bags of goods

Everyone was buying in a frenzy
If it was being sold it was bought
And promptly replaced with another

I couldn't see a reason for the high demand
Miscellaneous junk without any use
Suddenly seemed more essential than water

The advertisements seemed inconsistent as well
Like the items were priced at total random
Two dollar televisions and three hundred for some gum

Multiple currencies didn't help matters
Business conducted with three different coins
With no clear conversions between them

Though this didn't stop anyone else
The urge to buy was more than enough
And the cashiers did happily accept their money

Don't waste your time looking around
I have a meeting here remember?
I don't want you to get left behind

I already knew of the meeting from before
But until now I thought he wouldn't attend
And only now asked who he was meeting

His name isn't important but he sure is
He makes everything here work smoothly
Everyone just calls him captain

As I followed him to his meeting
It was hard to keep from wondering
Exactly how a captain ran these stores

Though it didn't do much good to wonder
The truth of the matter was so unusual
I would never have guessed how it worked

We stepped outside and approached a small dock
I assumed this captain was of a nautical nature
And then saw a mysterious mechanism

A pipe ran out from the mall and into the water
Draining the registers' coins alarmingly fast
Straight to the bottom of the lake

There was only one boat docked at the moment
With only one person anywhere near it
Presumably the captain Inos spoke of

The boat wasn't all that impressive
It was quite small really, nothing special
A simple tugboat with an odd purpose

As it turned out the coins in the lake
Were gathered up to become its cargo
So that the boat could deliver them again

Inos now stood before the captain
An old salt with a toothy grin
Staring straight into his eyes

Neither of them said anything for some time
Eventually the captain blinked and broke the silence
Saying to Inos "what'dja want?"

You and I were scheduled to meet
There's the matter of the money you owe
It's not much, only all of it

"At first I thought they were toying with me
An idea so great it was worth every last penny
But now I suppose they meant it after all

Before you take the money, know this
Without the tugboat this place will break
And I'm afraid it will be beyond repair"

So then keep it all, I don't mind
As long as you do me one favor
Take us across to the other side

The captain accepted the new terms easily
And after he dropped off his cargo at shore
He brought us over to a small shack

Inside was what we expected
The ladder leading up to the next floor
As we climbed the captain readied his next shipment

The thirty fifth floor was rather surreal
Like a psychedelic acid trip at a rave party
Except with less hippies than you’d expect

We walked through a burning forest
Pickles set aflame standing tall and bent
Sparkling with rainbow hues

Ahead of us was another man
Running away in a state of panic
Screaming for his life

At the fire’s edge he paused briefly
Hesitant to move beyond
Toward the distant shining beacon

A lone woman stood under a spotlight
Surrounded by an infinite sea
Filled to the brim with potential suitors

When we neared he seemed ready to jump
Into the pit with all the rest
Competing for her heart

But at the last second he slumped over
A deluge drowned the sea
And the flames behind us no longer burned

With a deep sigh he reached into his pocket
Retrieving a small aluminum can
Pouring a floating orange liquid into his mouth

That action was all it took
To empty the entire room
The trip had suddenly ended

The room was now no larger than a closet
Lit by a single bulb above
Casting our shadows on the wall

He turned to face us both
Asking why we were here
While backing into the corner

It doesn’t matter right now
Our destination has vanished
The room has changed too much

“No it hasn’t, it’s still the same
There’s never been anything else
Trust me, I should know”

What then of the burning forest
Or the lovely lady in the distance
Those were both here only moments ago

“I’ve closed my mind on the subject
We don’t need to talk about that
Or the infinitely high boyfriend factor”

Talking might help you know
It could even fix your problems
Ignoring it will only hurt you later

“As if I had problems to begin with
I’ll have you know I’m perfect
You’re only bothering me out of envy”

You know me all too well
Maybe we should just be on our way
And take the stairs behind you

“There aren’t any stairs behind me
I’m leaning against a wall
You have no idea what you’re talking about”

On the contrary, I’m quite sure
That woman told me of them earlier
She said they’d bring me straight to her

The man stood up and turned around
The walls fell down and a staircase spiraled upward
Reaching the very clouds above

He sprinted off ahead in pursuit of her
Shouting as he reached the top
“My love quest is finally over”

A strange case this floor
Built on a very sturdy foundation
Of delusions and denial

At the top of the stairs wasn’t a cloud
The thirty sixth floor was a narrow hall
With a portcullis blocking a ladder

The bars seemed to smile at us
And the wrought iron gate started to speak
With a strong air of smugness about it

“What are you going to do now?
You stupid people with your walking
Can’t possibly get past me”

We could just pull the chain
Lifting you out of the way
And pass through with ease

“Yeah, well you could do that
But on the following condition
You’re going to have to get me something”

You’re really in no position to argue
You have no means of stopping us
We will pass through and that’s a fact

“No, I don’t think that’s how it works
I want you two to fetch me a great feast
Chicken and potatoes, I am a hungry man”

Do you see what I’m doing right now?
I’m pulling down on this chain
And you’re moving out of my way

“Let’s not do anything hasty now
I am nothing if not sensible
A box of nachos would suffice”

I’ll have to consider it
Or rather, I absolutely do not
As we no longer need you

“Hold on you two, don’t leave
I am changing my offer once more
Bring me thirty six thousand dollars

Then and only then will I allow safe passage
Through my sacred hallway of greatness
Oh, you already left didn’t you?

Well for that terrible misdoing
You will both suffer greatly
One notch lower on my scale of respect”

The thirty seventh floor was an [sub]oppressive[/sub] impressive place
Where omnipresent [sub]censorship[/sub] quality control had free reign
[sub]Distorting reality to create new truths[/sub] It was pretty great

We were standing [sub]in a desert[/sub] at the beach
In the[sub]sweltering heat[/sub] nice summer weather
It was so hot Inos had to remove his coat

With his [sub]bare chest[/sub] ugly pecs exposed to the air
A black bar appeared from nowhere to block my view
So that I was spared from the apparent horrors of the male body

What the f*** is this BS?
I could have sworn I had a torso
But it has been a while since I checked

Inos [sub]didn’t take kindly to[/sub] enjoyed his choice of words being [sub]stifled[/sub] improved
And [sub]un[/sub]fortunately was [sub]un[/sub]able to express his [sub]frustration[/sub] joy
Without being able to curse like a sailor

“Watch your mouth” said a topless woman
Who [sub]for some reason[/sub] thankfully lacked a black bar across her [sub]chest[/sub] perky boobs
“This place is supposed to be family friendly so put a shirt on too”

Inos spent a moment considering his options
And later informed me he had the perfect retort
Though the events that followed robbed him of the chance

Some [sub]dangerous lunatics[/sub] hopeless romantics in a dune buggy came over the horizon
Waving [sub]machetes[/sub] balloons above their heads as they ramped the sand
[sub]Screaming[/sub] singing something [sub]that amounted to a single constant bleep[/sub] clearly indicative of their undying love

They grabbed the woman as they passed by
And [sub]violently sexually assaulted her[/sub] made sweet hanky panky in the back seat
Before they [sub]brutally murdered her with the aforementioned machetes[/sub] got married and drove off into the sunset

Well that was [sub]some pretty f***ed up s***[/sub]quite the romantic gesture right there
But [sub]on the bright side[/sub] there’s good news for us too, the stairs are just over that dune
Let’s get [sub]out of this h*** hole[/sub] going before our supper gets cold

The events of the thirty eighth floor are uncertain
As I was unconscious for the duration of most of them
Inos’s account was odd, though I still trust it

It seems that when we first arrived
We were greeted by an android
And I extended my hand to shake

He responded with a swift punch
Striking with enough force to induce unconsciousness
While saying “welcome to my home”

God damn, what was that for?
He wanted to shake your hand
So you knocked his lights out?

“Yes, that is what I did
But you seem upset over it
Why did you react like so?”

It should be plain to see
Your actions were uncalled for
Out of place and completely wrong

“There must have been a misunderstanding
You see what I did was quite simple
All I did was punch him in the face

My fist moved forward at great speeds
Colliding with his head with intent to harm
Quite successfully I must say”

I know what you did, and what you did was wrong
You shouldn’t have punched him at all
The fact that you did so was the problem

“You are in error, I acted correctly
Your friend offered no attempt to dissuade
Leaving only that course of action”

Disregarding the many other possible actions
And that he did nothing to deserve it
One could argue you’re right

“One wouldn’t need to argue
The truth is self-evident
And I am honest”

I was going to let it slide
But now you’ve annoyed me
I demand an apology

If you fail to deliver
You will find yourself to be
In a less than operation condition

“I am truly sorry for your loss
Even though it isn’t my fault
His head happened to be in my way

If he had only moved aside
This entire situation could have been avoided
A real tragedy your friend forced his way into”

That’s not an apology you bastard
You have one more chance
Or else I’ll be fucking you right up

“Very well, what happened was quite unfortunate
I forgot that people disliked being punched
It’s a very easy mistake to make”

Inos then claims to have dismantled the android
With a karate chop straight down the middle
But for some reason I doubt that happened

When I awoke I was on the thirty ninth floor
And at the time I thought I had passed on
Seeing all the graves surrounding me

As Inos told me what had happened below
I took some time to examine the headstones
Damaged from neglect they were all the same

“Here lies somebody
In life they were loved
They will be missed”

However at the far end of the cemetery
A massive memorial rose above the rest
A marble statue depicting a dog

We headed over to investigate
And as we walked among the graves
I heard the whispers of the dead

At the base of the statue was a plaque
Inscribed unlike the other graves
Like it was the only death ever mourned

“In loving memory of Patti
Rest in peace
You sweet, unlucky dog

No longer bound by the leash
So many call the mortal coil
She is free to run in the afterlife

Looking down upon the families
Smiling from the heavens above
We will feel her in our hearts

We shall not forget the times
The experiences we have shared
The bond that existed between us

When you were picked from the litter
When we walked around the neighborhood
When I squeezed her head like a rubber ball

I bore the burden of signing the slip
A one way ticket to beyond the white light
To put an end to her suffering

May her blessed heart not be forgotten
Nor her loyal love and kindness
We will always remember

In loving memory of Patti
Rest in peace
You sweet, unlucky dog”

Man this thing must weigh a lot
Five, maybe even ten tons
All for some silly mutt

As Inos badmouthed the deceased
A ghostly sound manifested
Barking loudly at us both

It was then when we saw the light
The one at the end of the tunnel
At the end of one’s life

Naturally we walked toward it
Because of what we saw beyond
Another set of stairs

The fortieth floor continued the theme
The illusion of death carried me away
To the heavens high above the earth


Inos was nowhere to be seen
But considering where I found myself
I expected his situation was most unfortunate

The view was absolutely breathtaking
Paradise beyond earthly capabilities
To describe it would be disrespectful

After a good while of admiration
I continued the journey ahead
And was met by a well-dressed bear

He seemed happy to see me wandering
Taking off his hat he bowed before me
Inviting me back to his home

“You’ve done much good my child
Your deeds have changed the world
And now you’ll have your reward”

I asked the bear who he was
And if my suspicions about Inos were true
Though I prayed they weren’t

“The giver of names
With none of my own
They call me The Bear

I am justice, I am honor
I am grace and I am mercy
I am that I am

Your friend’s fate is as you feared
The Great Director has cast him down
Damning him to hell”

I asked what Inos had done
Why was he being punished?
What did he do wrong?

“The Great Director forbids tobacco
It is a filthy plant and disgusting smoke
And by now he is more tobacco than man”

The walk to his house was quite long
Thoroughly enjoyable though
I never felt more rested than this

The Bear’s house was a fantastic mansion
Extravagant and exquisite
And to think I expected a cave

Inside I was struck speechless
Graced by their divine presence
The father, the son and the bear

“I’m Jesus, sup?
You’re here for eternal salvation right?
Because I totally have that covered”

Something didn’t sit right with me
The situation seemed very odd
Should he have been so casual?

In any case I kneeled before him
And as the bear took his side
I noticed they were all dressed the same

A style reminiscent of a butler
Although polished and refined
It belonged to the servant not the master

“Rise my child, you need not kneel
I have invited you hear to inform you
Of this eternal paradise you’ve earned”

Was it wrong to refuse God’s offer?
All I wanted was to continue on
With Inos at my side once more

I asked him exactly that
I still had to avenge my love’s honor
But would the Great Director listen?

“Great Director? You are mistaken
Though we’re connected we are not the same
And I cannot act in his place

I lead the path to his paradise
I justify his every choice
I execute his will and whim

I am a means to an end
The one true choice
Yet it is his word that’s law”

I should have known earlier
Those standing before me weren’t holy
They were just some more deluded souls

My God reimagined serving a man
A guardian angel for the chosen one
The so called Great Director

He seemed to be the one in charge
He was the man I was after
The one waiting for me at the top

“But still, I will allow you to go
Abandon your chance at paradise
And continue your earthly journey”

The bright light from before return
But now I was on my back opening my eyes
Somewhere on the forty first floor

The room had a peculiar scent
Clean and sterile yet somehow awful
The unmistakable hospital odor

A doctor was talking to another patient
Or maybe she was a nurse, I couldn’t tell
Either way I didn’t trust her

There was something about the way she acted
What she said to the patient beside me
That made me question her medical training

Apparently he had a bad case of being a bum
Reeking like rotten watermelons
And was prescribed Axe body spray for treatment

Never mind his severe cough
It sounded like he was breathing gravel
All he needed was deodorant

I don’t smell of watermelons you quack
I am masculinity and tobacco scented
Keep your damn perfume away

The doctor rolled her eyes with Inos’s protest
Then walked over to check on me
Mildly impressed by my fitness

She didn’t know why I was here
Lying in a hospital bed
I seemed perfectly healthy to her

She asked if I could remember
What happened before I got here
I could, but still I shook my head

It didn’t matter either way
I had no reason to be there
So she told me to leave

Inos got up and left as well
Since his odor wasn’t life threatening
He too was allowed to go

I asked him about hell
But he didn’t tell me much
He just said it was a lot like here

Looking for a way out I had time to eavesdrop
It seemed like nobody here had a clue
They knew nothing of health or medicine

Recommending a steady diet of fast food
Saying it’s the quickest way to health
Especially with some TV dinners on the side

Home cooking is the cause of weight gain
Many greens lead to heart attacks
And god forbid you drink water

You’ll die without cola’s energy
And your sperm count will surely suffer
Unless you top it off yourself

Not to mention what it does to your teeth
Soft drinks keep that healthy yellow sheen
Instead of that horrific white nonsense

And then of course exercise
Standing up should do just fine
It’s a little strenuous but it works

Within no time you’ll have a giant’s strength
Lifting boxes with utter ease
Perhaps even deadlift an office chair

And fecal incontinence is to be expected
Reportedly it happens to everyone
Dirty crapped briefs are had by all

Strangest perhaps of all that I heard
Was the proper shape of a penis
Includes a forty five degree bend

But before I achieved medical enlightenment
My destination happened to get in my way
I suppose I’ll never be a doctor now

On the forty second floor was the meaning of life
Or at least that was what it was labeled
It was only an old CRT television

Aside from that and a couch the room was bare
With nowhere else to go we took a seat
And started to flip through the channels

Nothing particularly notable was on
But the sum of its programs added up
To more or less the entire tower

Everything in this whole building
Seemed to have been taken from television
Repurposed and packaged as original

Or perhaps it was the other way around
And the tower was the inspiration for it all
Though possible, I doubted it highly

We kept sitting on the couch to kill time
It was surprising how quickly it added up
It felt like moments but was really hours

This reminds me of a certain time
I was doing something unusual
And with me was a pop cultural icon

Oh sorry I shouldn't have said that
I just spoiled Family Guy for you
Let`s watch something else

The program he switched to was familiar
It was the one the man dressed as me was filming
“Wow. Now that’s tall” He said with no expression

It would seem the explosion slipped his mind
Which was a shame, he really wanted it
But he was stuck with the birthday banner

Just like we were stuck in the room
It really didn’t look good for us now
We had nowhere to go and nothing to do

Then suddenly our luck took a fortuitous turn
The far wall came crumbling down
As Ricardo came crashing through

I figured you’d be staying behind
I didn’t think you were climbing as well
And I certainly didn’t expect you were ahead

“Nobody expects el Spanish intervention holmes,
You dos seinors can get goingo ahead man
I’ll just siesta on el coucho loco for a bit”

I wasn’t about to question how he got there
This tower was still a mystery to me
I just had to accept that things were odd

The forty third floor was a series of tubes
Linked together in a sprawling web
Pumping something to and fro

At the far end of the room was a machine
Connected to the many pipes
Filling them with an electric blue substance

Messages flashed on its display screen
And the machine whirred frantically
Whatever was happening sounded dangerous

“Attention all those at my command
Stop them, stop them now
I cannot process it any longer”

I believe it was referring to the incoming tubes
Transporting some sort of prickly objects
Which I assume were processed into the blue goo

“The stress of it all, I can’t go on
They, they win, it’s over
I’m cutting it down”

Both the ingoing and outgoing pipes clicked
Abruptly disconnecting from the machine
Though the flow continued around it

“They can’t get me anymore
But the others still need me
I must reconnect, I must”

As suddenly as it stopped it began once more
The flow of strange materials resumed
And the machine seemed to function fine

At first I didn’t see any more spiky chunks
The incoming substances were mostly liquid
Though now the output decreased severely

“I got away, slipped away
They don’t hate me anymore
This has turned out better than expected”

It wasn’t a surprise what happened next
Those awful things returned and hell broke loose
The machine had a terrible time coping

The cycle would continue again and again
Until the electric blue substance ceased to form
Despite an abundance of prickly things

“That’s it, the last straw
I once had something but no more
You drained me, I hope you’re happy”

With that last message the pipes detached once more
And the machine itself fell to pieces
But still, the other tubes lived on

It was after that long while I saw why we waited
Behind the machine was a door
That in its absence we could enter

The forty fourth floor was a busy street
Protestors carrying signs marched
Chanting for their rights

“Women are people too
We want equal rights
And things of that sort!”

“Don’t slay the gays
Stop killing us for
A choice we didn’t make!”

“I am a man
I’m not wearing a shirt
Want to fight about it?”

“We want smokes and we want booze
Go fuck yourselves
It’s our right to choose!”

“Why you no free speech?
You butthurt bro?
Problem government?”

The chanting stopped with a bang
An explosion amidst the protestors
Turning slogans into screams

Tanks rolled in to quell the demonstration
Protestors being beaten
By the long arm of the law

It didn’t last for long
Anyone who was holding a sign
Now had fled or was dead

They should have known better
It was unavoidable really
Violence is all they know

We continued walking down the street
Toward a tall building at the other end
But then the police took attention to Inos

“Stop! You’ve violated the law
For the heinous crime of smoking
You must pay a fine or serve your sentence

Fifteen hundred dollars
Ten years of your life
Or maybe just the rest of it”

With his last statement
The officer readied his weapon
Pointing his gun at Inos’s head

Inos reached into his pocket
I didn’t think he had the money
But that wasn’t what he grabbed anyway

Instead he took a pipe, which he lit
And quickly jammed it into my mouth
Forcing me to inhale its fumes

You must be mistaken officer
I couldn’t possibly be breaking a law
Can’t you see my friend here?

“You have a point old man
I suppose if he does it it’s okay
After all, he’s above the law”

That’s what I thought
Now move aside sonny
We have places to be

As we walked away he explained
Why he acted as he did
And I returned him his pipe

I remembered you went to heaven
So you must be something special
In the Great Director’s eyes

That’s why I made you smoke
In the tower his word is law
And his love is above it

The forty fifth floor was absurdly feminine
Or at least that’s how it appeared on the surface
Deep down there was something quite mannish about it

Near where we arrived was a chubby man
Decked out in this season’s tomgirl attire
Rambling on about his brilliance

“Yes, oh yes, I am a genius
Girls like boys, that’s a fact
Certainly true, no arguing that

But what about tomboys?
They don’t have anyone to call their own
Well not anymore, now that I’m here

A tomgirl, nature’s answer to tomboy
Why didn’t anyone think of this before?
Soon they will all be mine

Whoever it was that told me
To embrace my feminine side
Had no idea how great the concept was

If I have seen further
Then I must have been standing
On the shoulders of giants

Though it wasn’t easy
Pioneers must always suffer
Breaking ground won’t break me

The ladies’ room has room for tomgirls
Why can’t they see that?
I’ll just point it downward

And I’m still straight too
Yes, of course, always
My miniskirt won’t change that

But it’s been months already
They still call me fag
Saying tomgirls don’t exist

I’ll be the one laughing though
Haha, I’ll say when I get the girl
I’m bound to attract one eventually

The system works, it has to
The logic’s sound, it cannot fail
I have built it and they will come

They will come, they will
I just know it, where are you ladies?
Don’t be shy, I’m a tomgirl!

I’ve got empathy, lots of it
Caring, so much caring
Did I mention empathy?

Please, please, please, please
Work damn it, I need it to,
It feels too right to turn back now

I can’t go back to briefs
Panties are comfortable and stylish
And bras give me the support I need”

Mr. Tomgirl twirled about and fainted
Revealing a less than enjoyable sight
Why did his legs have to spread?

I told you you’d find out about it
It’s more or less a misinterpretation
Or taking an idea too far

I suppose I have to respect his confidence
He believed in his idea so strongly
But couldn’t realize it was awful

We should probably get going now
Just don’t touch anything lacy on the way out
You know exactly where it has been

The forty sixth floor was a classroom
The blackboard held clues to the class’s nature
“Dating Education: An Overview”

Inos was leading me out the door
When the instructor told us to take our seats
As the class was about to begin

He introduced himself as Carlos
Or Mr. Chantor if we preferred
A self-proclaimed sex knight

Over the hours that followed
I learned everything he had to teach
On a subject he had been misinformed

He started with the basics
On who can consider dating
The first step to any relationship

A man and a woman is ideal
Though two woman could work as well
But two men was right out

Family as also off the table
Mothers, fathers and cousins
Definitely not something you’d want

Eighteen was the magic number
Any lower was out of the question
Thanks to those dumb old laws

Now that you know what to look for
You make a nice little sign
Clearly advertising your desires

Then after you find someone
You take them out on three dates
After which they owe you sex

In case we didn’t know what that was
He was kind enough to explain
This magical and delightful process

The duck crosses the Chinese border
And then the comeuppance shows up
Carrying with it a navy

But for this to work you have to practice
And for this you don’t need a partner
It takes a mass of debates with one’s self

Techniques can be learned and applied
From one of the many instructional videos
Just waiting there on the internet

Even sleep doesn’t need to stop you
With a good old sticky dream at your side
Unlike those wet ones where you pee yourself

But dating isn’t the only way to go
There are other paths to the Great Wall
However misguided they may be

There are some who sell their bodies
Though the reward is meaningless
Unless the circumstances are special

For instance if there was an enraged virgin
Breaking his sexless streak
Then of course it’s honest and true

This is due to how special it is
A male’s virginity is quite valuable
Surely desired by any female

And then of course you can skip consent
But that’s a whole lot of work
Not to mention quite illegal

After he finished his lecture
He addressed the women present
Offering his experienced services

To nobody’s surprise there were no takers
And he simply sighed as he left the room
We then followed and took the stairs

On the forty seventh floor was a harem of women
Gathered for some nonspecific but probably sexual purpose
Scantily clad would exaggerate the amount of clothing they wore

Don’t be fooled by their appearance
Though they are women physically
They aren’t really people

Somewhere along the way they lost it
That which made them individuals
Their humanity for lack of a better term

I’ve spent much time here before
That you’d probably prefer not to think of
But eventually I had to leave

Not just because I ran out of smokes
But because they aren’t real
Living toys, though not quite sentient

Their interests are preprogrammed
Cooking, cleaning and cocks
Designed by a real forward thinker

They have no desires of their own
No thoughts to speak of
They live to serve and nothing more

Watch now as I prove it to you,
Bitches grab hold and carry us forth
We have stairs to climb

Inos was certainly right about that
Without hesitation they lifted us
Giggling as they carried us away

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Spoiler

The forty eighth floor was a serene prairie
Grassland as far as I could see
A gentle breeze in the air

Without a single cloud in the sky
The sun’s light was mellow and warm
It could be best described as a beautiful day

The only problem I could foresee
Was where we were meant to be heading
With no landmarks to follow

Damn those cursed whores
Running off with half my smokes
They could have ruined this

Inos lit his pipe once again
And the ground below began to rumble
The wind howled with rage

Storm clouds formed overhead
Thunder roared and lightning flashed
As a torrent of rain began to fall

The earth split open at its seams
Spewing out rivers of molten rock
And filling the air with ash

From out of one of these fissures
A gargantuan creature emerged, resembling a baboon
With a spectacular heterochromatic backside

The baboon pounded its fists against the ground
Plunging his hands deep into the dirt
With no apparent target in mind

As its rampage continued I noticed something
Despite all the natural calamity
It still felt like the most beautiful day

Soon enough the weather began to stabilize
And the baboon was running out of steam
Panting, he passed out mere feet from us

Impotent rage at its finest
Never once reaching the subject of his ire
Now quit standing around, we have a monkey to climb

On the forty ninth floor we emerged in “da hood”
Or at least that’s what the street signs said
I would have been content calling it a slum

Following Inos through the streets
We saw racist caricatures in place of the people
As if Blackleford was a real last name

Shortly after we began we encountered a sign
It was bizarre, quite possibly a joke
But very telling of where we were

“You’re niggoing too far dawg
Last chance to turn back to da hood
No darkies beyond this point”

Just down the road was a security checkpoint
A white robed man was attending the roadblock
Shying away nervously as Inos drew near

“Didn’t you read the sign?
Oh wait, you probably can’t read
It says no darkies though, go away”

I can read just fine you little punk
It’s just that I’d like to pass
You see, I’m a person, not a darky

“But, but, wouldn’t you like it more back there?
It’s got everything you could ever need or want
You don’t have to come our way and rob us

So why don’t you turn right around
And go find yourself a nice alleyway
To pass out in from substance abuse?”

As Inos grew impatient the man started to panic
He threw a basketball over our heads
And told Inos to go fetch

When that failed he tried again
With fried chicken and a rap album
Before fleeing from our sight in fear

Well that’s something you don’t see everyday
A grown man deathly afraid of a senior like me
If push came to shove he could have broken my hip

From there the street sloped gently upward
At its summit we passed through a door
To transition into the fiftieth floor

The interior design of this floor was fabulous
As was the abundance of shirtless men
Who seemed to be enjoying themselves

Or they were at least
Until an angry diminutive man arrived
He looked like the rest in every way but height

“How many times have I told you now?
I’m offended by your lack of shirts
No one wants to see your ugly pecs

But more importantly, you’re having too much fun
Such a sausage fest should be no cause for joy
I swear you’re falling off the straight path

I demand you all take some time today
And stare at the gorgeous female form
To make sure boobies and vaginas give you erections

I’d recommend some good old anime
It’s my personal favorite for this
It gets the thought of men’s asses right out of my head

If that doesn’t work I’m afraid you must die
There isn’t any other option I can think of
Since there’s no cure for your terrible sickness

You’d have to go off and burn in explosions
Or spend your entire life behind closed doors
Where your filthy lifestyle can’t harm me

Now excuse me as I take my leave
The latest Tomgirl fashions have arrived
And I believe I have some recycling to do”

When the tiny man left we ascended the stairs
And Inos couldn’t contain his laughter
The word recycling amused him to no end

Father was waiting for me again
At the entrance to the fifty first floor
It was too good to be true

He had left us long before his time
But he wasn’t dead, I was sure
Only missing, but now I found him

He stared at me with a blank look on his face
And said to me with no expression
“Come on son; give your dad a hug”

What could have been a wonderful moment was ruined
As I drew near I saw through the ruse
The man before me was but a marionette

Looking above at what was pulling the strings
An unfathomable creature lurked in the shadows
Its very form caused me pain without measure

“He was a hero, a warrior
The best there’s ever been
To fight me and win

The Great Director, the cultivator
First generation bearer of limelight
A shining beacon through a broken shell

He carried the burden and it made him strong
A weight that collapsed all others
His courage pushed him onward

Gaze through the window into my hell
Silence, and friends unseen
All from pulling some strings”

The window he spoke of materialized
A twisted portal from out of the wall
Showing the horrors of a world beyond

Zombielike husks of human beings
Moaning and shuffling in agony
Desperately trying to escape

“It hurts to look doesn’t it?
Knowing what you could have been
A shambling monster just like them

To overcome my grip is worthy of praise
To resist it is worthy of pity
To succumb to it is worthy of scorn”

I couldn’t grasp the true form of the stairs
But by whatever the mechanism we ascended
Through the incomprehensible being

The fifty second floor is difficult to describe
Almost every word spoken on or about it is a lie
What is said is never what is done

A small boy was dangling his legs in a pool of water
As a young adult was operating a small aquatic vehicle
“Dad, I want to ride the Seadoo”

The man looked at his child and shook his head
“No it’s too dark son, you’ll poke your eye out”
He then adjusted his sunglasses

“Screw you dad, you never let me have fun”
The boy stood up and started to stomp away
In response his father ramped something

“Now hold on there, I let you have fun
I just don’t want you doing something dangerous
Why don’t you go inside and take up chain smoking?”

The boy’s eyes lit up as he scampered away
“Yippee, I’m gonna be just like mom
Except not such a whiny bitch”

Inos led me into the house the boy entered
Where a heavyset woman sat with a lit cigarette
And far more hair than I was expecting

She coughed then turned to Inos
“Don’t you know smoking’s bad for you?
Put that thing out, there’s a kid in here”

Looking to me she continued
“And you should probably shave
You look sort of like a shag carpet”

My apologies madam,
My friend and I are only passing through
We’ll be out of the way in a moment

“Well you better be,
Your kind of couple is a bad example
My son doesn’t need bad role models”

Yes, you must have that covered already
Because by the looks of things
You have enough rolls to make ten models

Inos chuckled as he led me up the stairs
And the woman was positively outraged
A minute later when she got the joke

The fifty third floor was a padded cell
A man sat in its center wearing a straightjacket
Perfectly still, making no effort to struggle

He turned to us and offered us a seat
Saying that the floor was quite comfortable
So there was no reason for us to stand

When we sat down he started to talk at us
Not to us, as to strike up a conversation
Merely in our direction hoping that we’d listen

“They say I’m insane, but I don’t agree
None of them are real, the same goes for you
Even me now that I think of it

It’s all an elaborate lie, we’re inside his head
The Great Director didn’t create us
All he does is believe in us

Our reality is a mass of delusions
Of the true reality enmeshed with fantasy
His head is filled with lies and we’re proof

He thinks it’s all real, but it isn’t
Or maybe he knows we don’t exist
Either way he believes, he still believes

Everything anyone does anywhere
Affects us in a profound way you know
All fiction is fact, no matter how contradictory

It is up to him to shield us from their wrath
They hate us, oh yes they do
They see chaos in our law, evil in our good

To them our paradise must be a hell
So they change it, they always change it
Looking at it with a cynical gaze

Be optimistic for once you bastards
It doesn’t have to be a dystopia
It never was until you made it so

You fill our lives with madness
Bitter lies and broken hearts
Killing our people, destroying our world

It doesn’t matter though, it never did
I can wish and wish all I want
But it still can’t change the facts

We have free will he says
Ha! We are his every whim!
We are actors and he writes the script

Even now as I speak it’s happening
An external force shaping our world
Bending us to his will

If we were real it wouldn’t be so
It wouldn’t be, I’m not insane
I just see beyond these four walls

I’m not insane, I’m not insane
I’m just right, right about it all
I’m not insane, I’m not insane

I can’t be, I don’t exist!
I’m not, I don’t, I can’t
I’m not insane

I’m
Not
Insane”

The man closed his eyes and started to sob
And the walls fell down around us
We left him to his thoughts and pressed onward

On the fifty fourth floor was a grand monument
A golden statue miles high
Being worshipped like a god

Before we approached it Inos took me aside
With a look of dread about him
More serious than I ever saw him before

It’s been interesting leading you here
But I’m afraid I’ll be unable to continue
Once this floor is through you’ll be alone

I don’t mean to abandon you
I’ll do everything I can to ensure success
Even though that will seal my fate

The people below worship him
The Great Director, the perfect man
The entire universe is his domain

All that is good has come from him
All that is bad he hasn’t touched
All that is remains he is only aware of

He is deserving of every praise
Every object and every one
Entitled to joy and to never suffer

He is the mark by all is measured
His actions dictate the law
Or at least that’s what they believe

All at his command couldn’t imagine
Anyone who would defy their god
Which is why I must stand defiant

The Great Director will grant you passage
To the highest reaches of his tower
Only if you take a heathen’s life

Do not argue, it must be done
When we draw near, I’ll make a scene
And trust that you will end it

I didn’t know what to say, or think
Killing Inos, could I do it?
As it turned out, I would have to

When we reached the crowd he began to shout
Preaching blasphemous lies
Filling their hearts with rage

He shot me a look as a mob was forming
At this moment I no longer had a choice
He was to die regardless

If not by my hand, by another
I did the deed to further my quest
Never had I felt so unsure

Was what I was doing worth it?
I had killed a paragon of selflessness
For purely my own benefit

And for that I was enveloped by light
Lifted off my feet into the air
And lifted me to the statue’s face

His mouth opened and I stepped inside
Once again without a guide
Alone I stood before the grandest of gates

GodJesus's Random Access Humor: A Pun Better Than Trollsta's Paradiso

Spoiler

THROUGH ME RESIDES UNDENIABLE TRUTH
THROUGH ME RESIDES UNOBFUSCATED HONESTY
THROUGH ME RESIDES UNYIELDING LOVE

VIRTUE REWARDED BY THE GOD AND THE BEAR
MY MAKER WAS THE GREAT DIRECTOR
THE HIGHEST TRUTH, HONESTY AND LOVE

LOSE YOUR WORRIES IN HIS UTOPIA
HAND DRAWN ORIGINAL INSCRIPTION
DO NOT STEAL

Stepping through its golden arches
I entered a land of muted colours
Completely silent and forgotten

A flowery meadow faded to grey
The sun’s rays cold and thoroughly unkind
With air still as a statue

Could it be that I knew this place?
Something about it felt so familiar
Like I had been here a long time ago

A voice spoke to me from the distance
And if I didn’t know any better
I would have sworn it was mine

It wasn’t meant to be this way
When will he see he’s gone too far?
And turned his back on himself

Suddenly a surge of colour washed over it all
Painting the world vibrant once more
With a joyous chorus taking to the air

I saw myself reclined on the flowers
Holding my sweetheart’s hand
Looking at shapes in the clouds

It didn’t have to change at all
Why must innocence exist?
All it can do is be lost

The world around me faded once more
Growing stiff like a board
Before crumbling to dust

The sun was now setting over the horizon
Not on the meadow over which it had risen
But on an endless desert waste

In the darkness it left in its wake
I wandered in search of an exit
Somehow reaching a wall

A bulb flickered as I touched it
Shining light on the room
Much smaller than a moment ago

A tiny closet filled with dust
And shattered porcelain figures
Depicting the scene I had just witnessed

In the room’s corner was a ladder
Leading up toward a trapdoor
Ready to bring me to the fifty sixth floor

But that was not how it happened
The ceiling began to rumble
And quickly collapsed from the weight above

How easily he gave in
He must have seen it coming
Known it would destroy him

I wasn’t a stranger to those on the fifty sixth floor
I recognized nearly everyone present
Practically every woman in the tower was gathered here

Provided they were young it didn’t matter
If they deserved torture and death
So long as they could provide pleasure

The only one here I didn’t know
Was the center of all attention
And the only other man in the room

He wasn’t entirely a man though
Certainly he was part mallard
The bill was a dead giveaway

He was of short stature and poor posture
Dressed in a magnificent raincoat
Topped off with a sailor’s cap

Though not very impressive to me
To them he was a valuable asset
Worth more than all the tea in China

He wanted to make us happy
To give us everything we wanted
But we were already satisfied

So he twisted it around
We would make him happy
By doing everything he wanted

Here I saw myself again
In the same place where my story began
Thinking of how much I’ve changed

I positioned the ladder from earlier
So that I could reach the next stairs
And climbed on to the fifty seventh floor

I emerged at the shore of a lake
At the edge of what once was a forest
What remained was what the flames left behind

Walking toward a mostly destroyed cabin
I began to see what once was
I was hungry and homeless knocking at the door

She was inside waiting for me
Her kindness saved my life
And her love gave it purpose

He wished he could have it
But knew it wasn’t to be
Wanting nothing more than to take it

In the distance I saw the fire burning
Approaching the restored cabin
Ready to burn it down again

He never did take it
Instead he let us live happily
And then lived his life through ours

The distant flames vanished again
Sparing the cabin and the trees
And the happy couple from my past

He was led astray
Lost sight of us all
Then forgot our faces

The inferno returned with renewed vigor
Engulfing the world and burning it down
Leaving naught but ash and a dry heat

Again I found myself in total darkness
And surely enough a light flickered
Outlining another small closet

On the floor rested a model cabin
Horribly charred, just as I saw
With our effigies still burning inside

I inched toward the ladder like last time
Waiting for the rumble to begin once more
To signal the collapse like last time

Then the fifty eighth floor fell through the ceiling
A strange green man was speaking to my friends
His body sewn together from disparate parts

With the hands of the artists
That entertained the people
He too would be adored

With the feet of the father
That walked across the world
He too would have seen it all

With the voice of the singer
That everybody wished to hear
He too would have an audience

With the blood of the king
That led a great nation
He too would have subjects

With the body of the athlete
That trained and kept healthy
He too would be strong

With the mind of the sage
That answered all his questions
He too would be wise

With the charisma of the romantic
That no woman could resist
He too would be loved

With the head of the director
That wanted it all for himself
He would finally be satisfied

As I looked on at the man
The pieces began to blend together
And the green gave way to a fair skin tone

Soon it dawned on me who it was
Or at least who it was supposed to be
My real father was still lost out there

But was it true what the voice was saying?
Was the man I called father an amalgam of others?
Or was he praising his diverse talents?

I assumed the latter and fetched the ladder
Ignoring my father’s lookalike
As I ascended to the fifty ninth floor

The chamber looked like a tomb
Though the walls appeared unworked
They were natural stone like a cave

You could have been so much more
If you had taken it for yourself
But instead you gave it away

The far wall cracked open
Shining much more light than before
Father and I were walking in

I recognized the cave now
The medallion was inside
The one he prized so greatly

With it he transcended his limits
Became something impossible
Stole your place in the spotlight

Never once did you complain
You had given it to him because you cared
You didn’t need him to thank you

The rocks above came crashing down
Filling the entire cavern
Crushing everything inside

Sifting through the debris
I blamed the usual culprit
The floor above had collapsed again

Fortunately there were fewer rocks than expected
Only as much as when the other floors fell
Not enough to fill an entire cave

By my feet I saw a doll in my image
Completely flattened beneath a stone
While my father’s was intact

I couldn’t see much of the sixtieth floor
It was filled to the brim with clutter
With small pockets of air here and there

I dug at the ceiling, praying for safety
If it collapsed I’d be dead
But I had no choice but to try

It felt like hours before I reached the surface
During which time I believe I’ve seen it all
Any material object to ever exist

The majority was made of two things
Video games and associated accessories
And money of every kind

Sitting on a throne of diamonds
A beggar cackled with glee
As the room continued to fill

Give it all to him
Everything you have
He’ll still desire more

Give it all to him
Everything he wants
He’ll still desire more

Give it all to him
Everything there is
He’ll still desire more

Every gift to fill the gap
Deepens the hole they’re buried in
Everything is never enough

A vicious leech he’ll never let go
Draining our lifeblood
Until he sucks the world dry

The mounds of material wealth were so massive
I didn’t require a ladder to continue onward
As the stairs had already been flooded

On the sixty first floor I saw piles of rubble
Judging by their spacing and arrangement
I’d say they were once houses

One of them mine in fact
Even now I could recognize it
The parts are all still there

Looking at it I watched myself
Building the house from scratch
So that I’d have a home to share with her

Working hard for all you’ve done
It never sat right with him
It should have been easy

Taking out all the effort
Removing challenge from the picture
Master it all and never try

He knew it would make him happy
When he looked through our lives
Living in our place

Success became the natural way
Failure was the result of hard work
It was destiny’s cruel joke

A tornado came winding through the town
Tearing apart everything in its path
Reducing it to rubble once more

Returning to the familiar closet
A painting of me hung on the wall
Torn to pieces and ripped to shreds

To my surprise the floor above remained above
Not even trying to crash through the ceiling
I ventured from the trapdoor to investigate

The sixty second floor was covered in grime
An absolutely filthy room
Reeking of a most foul odor

In its center was a perky woman
Standing beside a shapeless fleshy mass
Showering it with praise

There was something odd about the mass
And after intense inspection I realized
It was once a man

He wanted it all to be easy
But realized that not everything was
So others would do it in his place

Action is stressful
Pass on the burden
Relax while others work

So long as it got done what did it matter?
If the result was the same why struggle?
Eternal leisure with no obligations

Sleep the day away
Let others feed you
And worry about the aftermath

Her safe loving embrace
Will never let him go
So he’ll never try to escape

When there is nothing to pursue
There is no reason to worry
There is no reason to celebrate

Ignoring this for his own definition
Calling happiness an absence of stress
He became as happy as can be

And the only cost he had to pay
Was that he could no longer be
A functioning human being

The former man didn’t muster the energy
It would have taken to watch me leave
Instead his eyes remained unfocused and glazed

On the sixty third floor was a mansion submerged
Beneath hundreds of feet of water
Clear enough to see all the way down

Next to the staircase I found an apparatus
One surely of the diving sort
It was too bad it was of no use to me

Not only is diving a tad more complicated
Than simply putting on a suit and jumping in
But the water had already vanished before I could try

Instead I threw the apparatus downward
And used the breathing tube as a rope
To safely climb down to the bottom

As I climbed it turned from day to night
The sky was starry and bright
The kind I’d watch when I stayed up waiting

When he left you anticipated his return
You knew he’d be back soon enough
Even when he never came

I saw myself looking out the window
Keeping watch for father’s arrival
Though my eyes were always drawn skyward

Night after night you went to his house
Never yielding any success
Always hoping the next time would be the last

You never considered that he was gone
Lost forever to the realms unknown
By faith and patience you persevered

Wherever he is, one thing’s for certain
During every late night vigil you held
He wasn’t waiting for you

Time was always a problem
There was too much of it
And all of it went to waste

No time to wait
Always in a hurry
With nothing to do

Water began to rise from the soil
Flooding the mansion once more
Much less cleanly than before

Rising to the surface of the muddy water
Something found its way into my hand
A rusted object no larger than my foot

When I surfaced I found myself elsewhere
In a waterlogged closet much like the others
Lit only by one unreliable bulb

Under this light I inspected the object
It once was a figure of me, cast in iron
Now rusted with chipped paint

I let it fall to the ground when the ceiling tore open
A claw the size of the room itself came crashing through
With a bloody corpse gored through one finger

I kept low to the ground after climbing the ladder
Trying to avoid the attention
Of the terrible creature on the sixty fourth floor

The limb that sundered the ceiling was half of a pair
Two muscular arms befitting such a behemoth
Each covered in a thick warty skin

Its head resembled that of a wolf with the skin removed
With fangs longer than the tallest man could stand
And no eyes or eye sockets for that matter

An additional maw was to be found on the torso
Dwarfing the head’s already massive mouth
Spewing fire and smoke as it gnawed apart bones

Beneath its torso came innumerable tendrils
Writhing about in a pulsating mass
That made up the floor of this room

Periodically the tendrils would rise from the weave
Coiled around a person, battered and broken
In order to fuel the flames in the creature’s gut

I moved slowly toward the stairs
Trying not to slip or get caught in the gaps
Lest I be dragged below and buried alive

They had done him wrong
They deserved their fate
That’s always what he said

No matter the act
No matter the person
It could never be forgiven

The moment he was angered
The offender’s fate was sealed
Death would be coming soon

If only he could reach
Everyone he wished to die
He’d be the only one left alive

Those words quickly had me worrying
Though not as much as the tendril
That was coiling around my leg

Holding tight it carried me upward
Suspending me before its face
Where it began to sniff the air

After some short deliberation
The tendril set me down
Right at the bottom of the stairs

It was peculiar that he chose to spare me
The voice had me convinced I was doomed
But all that mattered now was that I wasn’t

The sixty fifth floor was dreadfully familiar
The simple closet I’ve been seeing much too often
Though I was surprised to see it from the get-go

Sitting on a table in the room was a scale model
Right in the center and no larger than my thumb
Depicting me standing outside of my house

The room and everything in it began to expand
Or perhaps it was I who became smaller
Until the miniature appeared to be full sized

There was no limit to what you could have had
No one stopped you from taking it all
Everything could have been yours

The house grew larger and more magnificent
And soon became a lavish palace
Eventually occupying the entire table

But instead you chose not to
You took only what you needed
And let the others do the same

The palace returned to its original size and shape
And a city appeared in its place
With the house back where it was to begin with

You were surrounded by excess
Yet you did not indulge yourself
You found no joy in luxury

Restraint let others prosper
Living your life in moderation
Despite your father’s poor example

Again with my father, the voice kept bringing him up
Did he want me to hate him?
Because he certainly wasn’t saying anything positive

The room regained its proper closet size
And the ceiling broke open as expected
This time under the weight of a hamburger

It crushed the model city and the table it rested on
Nearly flattening me as well
But I was saved by a single large bite

The sixty sixth floor was a bit like two others
The clutter and waste of the sixtieth
And a man like the one on the sixty second

He sat reclined on a suitably large chair
A morbidly obese man with four arms
Though not a fleshy blob like the other

Using his two sets of arms to their fullest extent
Two constantly brought food into his mouth
While the others operated a gaming console

Greasy, fatty dishes were picked up by the handful
And stuffed down his throat for the most part
Though much of it missed his mouth entirely

Running down his shirt creating stains aplenty
Entire mounds of food going to waste
Being kicked away to a nearby garbage bin

Conveyor belts ran throughout the room
Maintaining a constant flow of food
So that he would never go hungry

The other situation was remarkably similar
Playing the game for but a moment
Before growing tired or angry at it

What happened next was always the same
He’d pick it up and hurl it aside
Where it could break upon colliding with the wall

A new console would take its place
Readied with something new
That would soon wind up with the rest

A hunger for novelty that nothing could sate
Combined with an unbreakable routine
An endless cycle of indulgence

He has what he wants
But he doesn’t want all that he has
And so he wastes it all

He has more than he needs
More than he can use
More than he deserves

Still he’d never settle for less
It’d kill him to let go
Of these things that he is entitled to

On the sixty seventh floor was a river
Passing through a scenic forest
A nice place to take a walk

Not as nice for a swim though
The currents were really quite strong
Something a small boy found out firsthand

He was lucky I was there to save him
Or at least my doppelganger was
It looked just as I remembered it

His parents were grateful for my help
It was nothing really, anyone could have done it
It was by chance that it was me

The world around me became fuzzy
Quickly morphing into the usual closet
With a newspaper hanging on the wall

It was a local piece from a slow day
Making a fuss out of a lucky break
The headline called me a hero

You helped him because you were able
A good deed for good’s own sake
Recognition was never the aim

Everyone forgot what you did soon after
Except those close to the ones you helped
Exactly the way you wanted it

The newspaper lit up in flames
As it burned away it was replaced
An elaborate tapestry covered the wall

He wouldn’t let it die
People would know your name
Your greatness was to be legend

The tapestry depicted a fierce battle
I was portrayed as the hero
Fighting against an unstoppable beast

A creature of a size beyond compare
Even to the gigantic monsters lurking in this tower
Composed entirely out of water

It somewhat resembled a dragon
And it was on its way to destroy the city
With only me standing in its path

Tall tales became your exploits
No one would ever call you ordinary
You were a hero, a mythical champion

The tapestry burned away
Only to be replaced by another
Featuring my father’s head prominently

If you looked closely I was still there
Off in the corner fighting the beast
Though certainly no longer the focus

But in the end it wasn’t about you
He never cared about you as much
As he cared about himself

This was the last straw
I wouldn’t let the voice continue
My father deserved better

I had come all this way
To restore honor to the insulted
Now I would kill two birds with one stone

Show yourself you spiteful bastard!
I shouted to nowhere in particular
Why do you hate my father so?

If you wish to see me
I will be waiting up ahead
Maybe then you’ll understand

If those were his terms I’d have to abide
I was heading over there regardless
I would just have to believe he spoke truly

A crack formed in the ceiling above
Eyeballs leaked through by the handful
Each and every one staring at me

I climbed up expecting to be waist deep in vitreous fluid
But piles of eyeballs were the minority
Much of the room was vacant and plain

However it was impossibly well lit
No shadows were to be seen anywhere
Nothing was to obscure this crazy fellow

Laughing and smiling like a madman
He pranced around with glee
Wearing nothing but a cloak of eyes

When everything’s said and done
He’s the greatest there ever was
Nobody will ever surpass him

As he continued to dance
Ghostly figures began to join him
Relics from the floors below

Everything he touched turned to gold
Everything about him was perfect
If you couldn’t see it you were blind

One by one everyone in the tower arrived
In the order that I encountered them
Looking in awe and cheering him on

His thoughts are valued treasures
His signature is worth your weight in gold
You’d be a fool to disagree

Some time passed and I saw them all
Everyone there was to see
Right up to the four armed glutton

But there was one more that appeared
Someone very much like myself
Aside from being a tad more orange

Call me a fool then
He thinks of himself too highly
And that will always be his undoing

This orange chap had been the voice
Speaking to me for the last while
Disrespecting my father

Why do you hate him?
What has he ever done to you?
I grabbed his throat and demanded answers

Don’t tell me you haven’t caught on
You must know what you’re doing
It would be ridiculous if you didn’t

Hate is the wrong word for how I feel
He may be a despicable man
But I would never hate him

If you don’t yet know what he has done
Perhaps you never will
Or maybe you just won’t accept it

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you
I will have to teach by example
And hope it finally sinks in

I relaxed my grip and released his throat
Then adopted a fighting stance
We were to settle this like men

Violence won’t get you anywhere
I will not take back my words
The truth requires no apologies

But please, wait until I show you the path
Do what you will when we arrive
This is not a place you’d like to stay

He brought me over to a wall
A wall he walked through effortlessly
Behind it was a small boat in a pool of blood

This will take you to the floor above
I doubt you would have found it otherwise
Now you may do as you see fit

He remained still and accepted his fate
At that moment I felt nothing but rage
And drowned him in the pool

His body dispersed into a thin smoke
It served him right for what he said
I thought slanderous liars were down below

He only had room in his heart for one
That one being himself
And you, his reflection, my brother

I stepped into the boat as the blood began to boil
Flooding the room it carried me upward
Bringing me to the sixty ninth floor

The walls seemed to be of an organic nature
Resembling fleshy tissue more than a building
Winding along the course of a narrow river

A mighty whisper echoed through the tunnel
So powerful it left waves in its wake
Rattling my bones with every word

Hello again my only friend
Did you forget about me?
It’s been a while after all

Aren’t you happy?
After all I’ve done
I did it all for you

Do you still love me?
I still love you
More than you could imagine

No one could ever replace you
It would never feel the same
You’re the one for me

I looked so hard for someone special
To fill this place in my heart
But it was never empty

You were always here
The only one I needed
Who needs everyone else?

My love built this world
I made it all for you
So you’d have a place to live

At first I wanted them to find it
To marvel at its splendor
But they were hateful

They changed me my dear
I’m not the same anymore
We both had to grow up

They’re trying to tear us apart
I could never let that happen
Let’s hide away together

We can live forever
Together you and I
In the depths of my heart

I know you won’t leave me
I’d never let you do that
You have nowhere to go

Just stay here a while
A safe haven just for you
Built by love from the ground up

The river of blood swelled and flooded the tunnel
The walls came closing in around me
Everything went quiet and dark

I felt like I was being pulled somewhere
Very slowly through the shadows
As the voice spoke into my mind

How do I love you?
Let me count the ways
Thirteen, I love you thirteen ways

No time to get into that though
The reasons why are more important
And there are seven of them

You’ll never let me down
Nor will you give me up
You will never tell a lie and hurt me

You praise my creativity
You trust my every word
You’re here when I’m alone

And most importantly
You’ll never say those
Those words that hurt me so

I never want to hear you say
Four little hurtful words
“I have a boyfriend”

Because you don’t, do you?
I’d be most displeased
I couldn’t love you anymore

Everyone that ever said it
Broke my heart beyond repair
I thought I’d never love again

Cursed women and their lies
All I wanted was a sweetheart
But they’d never let me close

Men are even worse
They took all the pretty girls
Leaving me none to choose from

In the end it’s always us
Just you and I
The only ones I can trust

I fell out from the darkness
Into another hollow fleshy room
Which I could safely assume was a heart

You’ve been awfully quiet
That’s so unlike you
Is something the matter?

I feared it wouldn’t like my response
I told him I loved my family and friends
And that it fell in neither group

How could this be?
You have to love me
How could you not?

But if you don’t
What does this mean?
Does, nobody love me?

There’s nobody left to break my heart
Now that everyone’s taken their turn
But now nothing validates its existence

That’s it, you’ve drained me
It’s over for once and for all
I’m tearing it down

The walls around me cracked and shattered
The voice began to cry hysterically
And blood filled the room

Before the chamber collapsed entirely
I scaled the side and crawled out
Through a hole in the ceiling

The seventieth floor was a sealed vault
Filled with thousands of sturdy metal crates
Organized by their contents

I was approached by a man in a turtleneck sweater
Around his neck he wore a key like a necklace
And in his hands he carried a clipboard

I’ve been expecting you
Your existence has become a hurtful truth
And we’d be better off denying it

Come with me now
We’ll file you away
Where you can’t hurt anyone

It won’t be so bad
You won’t be entirely forgotten
Just acknowledged nevermore

I told him he’d never take me alive
That I came here for a purpose
And still intended to fulfill it

Perhaps we can work something out
If your mission is as important as you say
I will assist in its completion

In exchange you would remain here
Never to leave these walls again
Do you accept these terms?

The decision was clear when he made his offer
I refused the instant he asked
It would be all for nothing without my sweetheart

That decision is unacceptable
But I know what will change your mind
Take my key and look around

When you see the truth
Only then will you realize
My offer was for the best

I still wholly doubted his claims
But I took the key anyway
Might as well have something to do

I opened one of the nearest crates
Inside was but a single piece of paper
With “Chloe never existed” written on it

The rest of the crates were similar
Each containing exactly one page
Each page having one sentence written

“I cannot fight them and win”
“Sometimes I am wrong”
“I am responsible for my actions”

All of those from the same section
Labeled uncomfortable facts
Who they referred to was unclear

I went over to another area
This one under a sign reading
“Love Quest”

The contents of these crates were unsettling
Most of which terribly frank and sexual
Though some were still interesting to see

“She never hated true love”
“Nobody loves me and neither do I”
"I don’t understand love”

Those in particular reminded me
Of that overbearing being below
Smothering me with its affection

The CWCville section was the last I searched
After browsing it I stormed off
In search of the man with the turtleneck

“I do not have supernatural powers”
“I am not an almighty creator”
“CWCville is not real”

What was the meaning of this nonsense?
The truth I was supposed to see
Was now claiming that nothing I knew was real

The man in the turtleneck smiled
Then took the key back from me
And walked off toward the vault’s door

There is no need to be upset
Does it matter that we only exist
In the Great Director’s head?

The door opened and led to some stairs
Leading to the seventy first floor
A smaller version of the room we were just in

Those were all the truths he was aware of
Here are all those he will admit
As you can see there is quite a difference

Now is the time for honesty
You should face the facts yourself
And stop fooling yourself

They expected you to figure it out
To put the pieces together
They were all laid out in front of you

The Great Director is terribly flawed
But is determined to remain so
And expects to be admired regardless

He calls dissidents liars
Then demands that they suffer
When the fault had always been his

Exposing himself as he attacks his enemies
Who only strike because of his weaknesses
A vicious cycle he can’t seem to end

Reality has failed him
So he chose to escape
Wrapping himself in delusion

He sought to punish those who wronged him
But never could bring them to justice
Anywhere except in his own little world

The Great Director wishes he were you
He made you to be loved
So that he could be loved as well

But then you started to change
You took on some life of your own
He started to see you as separate

You probably know him best as “father”
An ideal version of the Great Director
For him to pretend to be

Deep down they were the same
Lonely and confused about the world
But your father would never show it

Outside he was shunned and defeated
Here he was loved and invincible
Warping the world so he’d be happy

It might have stayed that way
If they never insisted on breaking in
Making it uncomfortable for him to live

They came to tear it apart
To destroy his fantasy world
To destroy him

He can’t escape anymore
He has nowhere to run to
He is broken

This tower stands as his legacy
Everything crafted in his image
Each floor dedicated to an aspect

A manifestation of the cruel reality
That he wishes to demonize
That he wishes to forget

Speak to him yourself
See that I speak the truth
When you gaze upon the Great Director

Within an instant I was somewhere else
Transported immediately upward
To the seventy second floor

The room was a vast space filled by aether
A strange nonphysical vaguely indigo coloured substance
That flowed like water through my consciousness

It felt warm, dry and soft to the touch
And carried with it the sound of the ocean
Somehow tasting a little bit like grapefruit

I’m not exactly sure how I floated
Since the aether was thinner than air
But I suppose a physical explanation isn’t necessary

Also suspended in the room
Was a being of endless size
The Great Director

Like the aether it wasn’t physically present
It existed in some manner of ethereal state
A swirling mass of red, white and blue

I had come so far for justice
To see my sweetheart’s honor restored
But in the end, was it worth it?

I had an audience with the Great Director
Whatever I said next would change the world
I'd best choose my words carefully

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Vaguely Sonichu 11 Christmas Type Dealie

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It was Christmas in CWCville and all through the town
Everyone was smiling without one single frown
They were too busy shopping for presents and gifts
Or riding toboggans down snowy white drifts
While some of the children drink up their eggnogs
Others happen to be electric hedgehogs
They took all their mischief and put in on pause
(As they have to be good for old Santa Claus)
All the children sent home to spend time with their kins
And that dear readers is where our story begins
At the Sonichu family's humble abode
Little Christine's head was about to explode
It was too fucking hard to remember her lines
The play would be ruined, she was seeing the signs
She knew she'd mess up, she'd look like a fool
In front of her entire elementary school
She thought to herself "why did I sign up?
This whole thing is way worse than grandpa's fapcup."
The Virgin Mary was a difficult role
And the stress of preparing was taking its toll
While Christine sat there whining and bitchin'
The other two Rosechus were up in the kitchen
Preparing some food like all woman should
I mean besides sex, that's all they do good
Rosechu and Cerah baked fresh Christmas cookies
Too bad Cerah's sucked, like some amateur rookie's
"Is there enough for all of your friends?"
"I don't know, I guess it kind of depends
I have a lot of a friends, but one is a Jew
do you suppose he would want a cookie too?"
Rosechu nodded, "Of course so my dear,
Those damn Jews are greedy throughout the whole year
They'll put both their hands on anything free
Because Jews just aren't people like you and like me"
"Then what should I do to make his cookie right?"
"What your cooking won't ruin his allergies might
So don't put in wheat, milk products or nuts
And don't put sharp edges, he could die from the cuts
Make it a candle, I think Jews like those
They might be in Hannukah, but who the hell knows
All that I know is to make it free and bland
Because that's only thing Jews understand"
Cerah scratched her head, as she was now confused
Was that really true or a racist amused?
Then Sonichu walked in and kissed Rosey's cheek
His daughter followed close and started to speak
"Dad try a cookie, I made them myself"
"This tastes like acid, like an arrow from melf"
That's when little Cerah had started to cry,
And poor old Sonichu just didn't know why
Was it something he said or else that he's done?
"You suck with the girls, go talk to your son."
Robbie was waiting, lying in bed
With some sort of stocking glued to his head
"They're gonna get me, they'll find me you know"
"Settle down Robbie, it's only the snow"
"The little white bastards are after my life!
They'll come when I'm sleeping they'll come with a knife!"
"Thumping Thundercunts and how could this be?
Snow is the devil? well that's news to me!
Grab hold of your face and rip off that damn sock
I have something to tell you, prepare for shock
You can't go around all whiny and wussy
You're my damn son and you aren't a pussy."
Sonichu's mouth was frothing with rage
Rob wasn't like him when he was his age
The conversing ended with an awkward stare
But luckily for them all Jamsta was there
His radio show came and broke up the silence
Right before Sonichu's domestic violence
"Hey hey what up check it out dudes
I found the mayor's embarrassing nudes
Look them up on 4-Cent_Garbage.com
And rent me for parties I'm fuckin' da bomb!"
Sonichu listened and didn't believe his ears
Those god damn trolls really ground up his gears
How did loyal fans become so petty and fickle?
Desperate to catch glimpses of his father's pickle.
What was there to see, it's just a bent duck
And on Christmas too, what horrible luck.
Sonichu dove headfirst straight into the wall
It was time to save Christmas, now once and for all
"No! They can get me! You know not what you've done!"
The snow whispered back "Robbie, now you can't run."
Sonichu was determined, a man on a mission
Desperately searching for father's position
Chris was not at the mall, but left there a letter
He was too busy to stay, he's such a go getter
"Dear reader, y'all should know me by now
I don't have Aspergers, it's a bad cut of a cow!
I'm going to Santa with my Christmas wishes
Those dang limelight stealers will sleep with the fishes"
Even though the rhymes looked forced and contrived
By some sort of miracle the story survived
An awkward transition furthered the goal
And Sonichu arrived at the North Pole
Chris was inside and talking to Santa
Presumably while drinking some orange Fanta
"No hear me out Santa you've got it all wrong
They are not the same we're like ping and like pong.
I'm a hero of men, high functioning autistic
They're Aspergian bastards, cruel and sadistic
My Christmas wish, in case you can't tell
Is to take all those people and send them to hell!"
Old Saint Nick was stroking his beard,
When the Tomgirl walked in sure it was weird
But now he was showing a different side
Begging for a holiday genocide
Sonichu barged in "Father it's bad!
Your nudes are online and its making me mad"
Chris sighed, but not with relief
A foul odor rose up from his briefs
"Santa, here's another wish of mine
Take all those pictures off of online
I know I can't do it, but you probably could
Please do it for me, I've always been good."
Santa thought it over, he thought long and hard
But there was just no hope left for this tard
"Hold up a second and listen to me
I don't care if you're the C.W.C.
You're not amazing, no special snowflake
This isn't a dream you're fully awake
You don't care for your people, you can't run a town
Don't make me go there and cut your internet down
It's your own damn fault it's your fucking life
You are the cause of all your own strife
No one cares for your limelight, there's naught to steal
It's time to start focusing on something that's real
This year for Christmas you're getting a job
Go fuck yourself son, Merry Christmas from Bob."

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Sonichu X Issue 1

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[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Picnic

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[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Bitter Hearts

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Lovely stirred, as if the last thing she remembered was nothing more than a pleasant dream. She had been in the Cwcville bookstore. It predominantly carried young adult fiction, with a handful of literary classics for the faux-intellectual crowd. However, she had a knack for browsing, and amidst the clutter (the mayor preferred it that way, they had told her), she managed to find two Stephen King books that appealed to her: Cell, in which cell phones cause the endangerment of the human race; and 'Salem's lot, a horror story about a town whose inhabitants become vampires overnight. The clerk; a kinda cute guy, if a little on edge; had congratulated her on finding the books, joking that its hard to find anything you want in the city anymore. At least, she thought he was joking. The way he had nervously glanced over his shoulder as he said it suggested he instantly wished he hadn't said it. Upon exiting the store, Lovely thought she felt a pinprick on her neck...and that was the last thing she remembered.

And now she couldn't see. She raised her hand to her face to wipe the sleep from her eyes, only to find her arm unresponsive. Panicking, she tried rolling, but found herself rooted. Getting her bearings, Lovely realised she was sitting on an uncomfortable wooden chair. Her hands were bound. She could feel a blindfold obscuring her vision, and could feel pressure around her head, as if she was wearing a large helmet.

"Ah, Miss Weather. You're finally awake."

The voice was raspy, calm, and high-pitched, and the speaker spoke as if they were in a daze. All at once, Lovely understood what had happened outside the bookstore. She took a few deep breaths, feeling herself start to weep. "Who are you...and where am I?"

The speaker answered, still in the same dreamy tone, but confidently, deliberately, as if these were the questions they expected. "Who I am is of no importance. I am but an instrument of revolution against a flawed and, frankly, insane system. As for where you are, you're somewhere very secluded. Away from where your screams might be heard. The mayor believed his psychic grid provided all the protection his city needed, but of course we took care of that, didn't we?"

"The helmet!", thought Lovely.

"Why are you doing this?!", she demanded, hearing her voice crack through sobs.

The figure's tone became more melancholy, resigned to speaking about a matter of, in their eyes at least, neccesity. "Because the system cannot win. I'm sorry, Miss Weather, but there's no other way." As the figure came to the close of their explanation, Lovely heard the unmistakable cock of a large handgun.

"Please...", she begged, "I haven't done anything!"

A pregnant pause followed. The figure then began to chuckle, escalating into a bellowing roar of laughter. "I know you haven't done anything!", they exclaimed.

Lovely heard two dry pops. She felt her head smack against the hard headrest of her chair. By the time her chin hit her collarbone on the rebound, she was dead, gray matter leaking from her temple.

The figure lowered a smoking gun, still sporting a sick smile, only this time with no mirth displayed, only a satisfaction that their job for the night was over. "I know...", they spoke softly.

---

Officer Louis Perez found himself wishing for a cigarette now more than ever. The tobacco ban had hit him hard, putting Lou on edge as a result of being forced to go completely cold turkey. To exacerbate matters, the threat of attacks on the city by the PVCC had left Lou in constant fear for the safety of his wife and child. Gerry, his partner, had assured him that as soon as the mayor eliminates the PVCC, he and his family would have nothing to fear. No more nights in which Lou and his wife would comfort their terrified son as the city crumbled around them. No more days in which wild beasts rampaged through the center of Cwcville mall, mere yards away from the school where Louis jr. studied. Just a nice cushy job. The whole city is monitored with psychic surveillance, Gerry had said. Someone would have to be an idiot to commit murder here now.

Gerry had been half right. The PVCC was no more. Their leader was crippled and subsequently incarcerated, their indoctrinated followers emancipated, and those loyal to the cause had since fled.

"Yet a young woman was just brutally murdered", thought Lou, "and we don't have a damn clue who did it".

The vic lay on her side, folded up like an accordion. Her face was caked in dried blood and her limbs sprawled awkwardly around her carcass. She had been shot twice in the forehead, at point blank range. The exit wounds had burst the back of her skull wide open, not unlike a shattered vase, but what disturbed Lou most of all were the vic's eyes. Open wide, bloodshot, soulless, they seemed to stare right at Lou. Accusingly...mockingly...

Lou felt his toothpick snap between his teeth. Cursing silently, he spat the split pieces from his mouth, producing a fresh pick from his pocket.

"Not the same, is it, Lou? It's funny how we all have to make sacrifices...yet others who in any sane world reap what they sow get special treatment. Tell me, how does it feel when you direct a stoned, drunken transient to a free five star hotel, just before you go home to a tiny apartment with an oppressive mortgage? And don't even get me started on that fat, power-drunk scumbag mayor..."

"No", thought Lou. "That man is gone. It won't help anyone to think of him now."

It was true. Merely mentioning the name of the former officer in the presence of the mayor or his personal guard was grounds for suspension...or worse. "Five years he mentored me", remembered Lou, in spite of himself, "and I never saw it coming".

It was a bowling night like any other. Lou had just bowled his second double for the set. He returned to his seat with a smug sense of satisfaction, eagerly awaiting his worthy opponent's next move. Instead, he got a dossier dropped into his lap. Confused, Lou had glanced at the cover. "The Get-Tar Region?", he enquired. Lou's bowling buddy nonchalantly selected his ball, stepping up to the line. "The mayor's heading there tomorrow. If he decides to declare himself above the law once more, I can nail him". With a quick movement, the ball rolled down the middle, colliding with the pins and knocking nine straight down. The tenth teetered and wobbled, but none-the-less remained upright. "And I want you to help".

"This is...no, this is...", began Lou. His friend snapped back, "we need him out of power. He speaks of a perfect system, but the system is only made perfect for him. These are extreme times. They call for...extreme measures. "

Lou felt a chill run down his spine. "The PVCC!", he choked. Lou's friend silently nodded as he prepared his second throw. "No...no, I can't. I know the mayor's been unorthodox, but sedition? Seriously?".

The ball connected with the final pin. As it toppled, Lou's friend spoke once more, his back still turned. "Lou...what does justice mean to you? Is it blind devotion to a system? Can you look at yourself in the mirror and see a man who truly works for the greater good? I couldn't. So I made my choice. All that I ask is that you believe in what you do, Lou.

His voice wavering, Lou responded. "You made your choice. I made mine. And I'm standing by it". For the longest time, Lou's friend stood in plaxe. He eventually sighed. "So be it. Lou...I'm glad we talked." With that, he walked off, calmly, and out of Lou's life, permanently.

The memory still vividly etched into Lou's mind, he heard himself whisper, "Marcus...". A purple flash illuminated the area. Lou turned, took a deep breath, and walked over to address the source.

"Hey, Constable Lou. What's da update?", it said.

---

Lou cleared his throat, and courteously nodded to the mayor and the two accompanying members of his personal guard. Sonichu to the mayor's right, who returned the gesture respectfully; and Magi-Chan to the mayor's left, whose usual calm and dignified demeanor was replaced with one of slight frustration.

"Joggers came across the body at about 0630 hours. Our Jane Doe is a woman in her mid-to-late twenties. She was shot twice, and judging from the lack of blood spatter it appears the body was moved postmortem. She has no ID on her person, and aside from bruises on her wrists and ankles, suggesting that she was bound prior to death, there appears to be no interference on the body."

Magi-Chan approached the corpse, displaying a look of pure confusion on his face. The mayor spoke up, his tone wavering, as if to convey a sense of authority and failing. "Who is she, Constable Lou?". Magi-Chan glanced back at his superior, as if shocked by the question. "You don't...recognise her, sir?". The mayor squinted, trying hard to think. "I don't..know. Ugh.", he grunted. "It feels like I've seen her before, as if...in a dream...or...another life".

The atmosphere became awkward. Lou, to break the uncomfortable silence, spoke. "We'll have her fingerprints processed ASAP. Whomever she is, she'll be on the system. We don't have any suspects yet, but..."

"It was that twisted b-dog Mary Lee Walsh", interrupted the mayor. "She's plotting from her cell! Constable Lou, I need to see her right away!".

Lou sighed, rolling his toothpick between his molars in annoyance. "Mr. Mayor,", began Lou, disguising his contempt, "We have already considered the PVCC, but this doesn't fit their M.O. The vic wasn't a prominent figure of the mayor's office, and she appears to have been executed as opposed to simply being a victim of collateral damage. I seriously advise holding off interrogation until we know exactly who this woman is.

The mayor's cheeks blushed red. Puffing out his chest, he spoke up indignantly. "Constable Lou, I am the mayor of this city, and I believe I did not ask your opinion on who I should or should not interrogate."

Lou forced a smile, and nodded. "Yes sir, Mr. Mayor. I'll radio Cwcville Penitentiary at once to let them know you three are on your way."

"Officer?", inquired Magi-Chan, "Don't call just yet." He turned to the mayor. "Sir, you should go on ahead, I need to stay here to collect my thoughts. Besides, this is something you need to do on your own, if I may be so bold."

"Yeah...father, I think I'll stay here too", Sonichu said, his eyes fixed on Magi-Chan. There's something I just need to check out."

"Alright. Y'all take care while I'm gone now", the mayor replied, disappearing in a purple flash. Magi-Chan lowered his arm, and strolled down the street, past the crime scene investigators working tirelessly to find where the body may have come from. How could it have suddenly appeared in the center of town? And why? Was it a message? And that woman...

"You know something, don't you?", asked Sonichu, his tone dripping with accusation. Magi-Chan stopped walking, and sighed. "It is no concern of yours, Sonichu.", he replied. "This extends far beyond my comprehension, to say nothing of yours."

Sonichu strode up to Magi-Chan, chuckling. "If you say so, 'friend'. But what I'd like to know is how anyone was able to commit this crime with someone like you supposedly monitoring criminal activity in Cwcville. So tell me: Did you just not care about this? Were you slacking off the night an innocent woman was murdered? Or maybe you were in on th..."

Sonichu froze. He found himself unable to finish his sentance. Even breathing became difficult. Magi-Chan's eyes became entirely white as he stared at the paralysed Sonichu. "No-one is more frustrated at this turn of events than I. My psychic surveillance monitors the city 24/7, and yet my attempts to find a killer came up fruitless. Bear in mind I was working around the clock whilst you were slacking at home with your wife eating processed swill and watching inane cartoons. So don't even think that it is I who is not working hard enough."

Sonichu dropped to his knees, choking as Magi-Chan stormed away, still maintaining an air of dignity. However, Sonichu's chokes soon turned to short bursts of laughter. "So that's it, is it? You resent the time I spend with my heartsweet? Is that because you can't attract one yourself?"

Magi-Chan paused, still keeping his back turned.

"Hey, I'm just saying what's on everyone's mind.", Sonichu continued to taunt. "The only thing you got going for you is that one-sided crush on Silvana. Who is she again? Oh, yeah! The hermaphrodite!"

Magi-Chan clenched his fist, purple light eminating from it to form a blade of pure energy.

Nonplussed, Sonichu smirked. "Hey, it all makes sense now. Why else would you scan the city on the off chance that you might find homos in the act?"

Suddenly, Magi-Chan spun around, and charged at Sonichu, bladed arm outstretched. Sonichu adapted a defensive stance in response. However, before the two could come to blows, vines shot out from the ground, wrapping around both Magi-Chan and Sonichu, pinning them to the spot. Appearing from a nearby alleyway, riding the wind with a giant leaf, Wild Sonichu dropped in. He swiftly turned to the warring hedgehogs, who had stopped struggling upon recognition of the Chaotic Combo leader.

"That's enough, guys!", shouted Wild. "Look, I know this murder has got us all feeling on edge, but fighting amongst ourselves won't solve anything. I lost Simonla...but I never blamed Magi-Chan. I knew we can't save everyone. But what we can do is work together and bring the killer to justice. We can only do that if we work as a team. So, what do you say?".

The vines released their hold on the two hedgehogs, who dropped to the sidewalk. Sonichu rubbed his limbs, sighing. "I'm sorry, Wild. And...Magi-Chan. Sorry for my comments, they were...uncalled for."

Magi-Chan retracted the psychic blade back into his body. He approached Sonichu, still frowning. "Wild's right, 'friend'. We can't save everyone. So the next time you wish to insult me...I'd think carefully about who would save *you*."

Barging past Sonichu, intentionally knocking him shoulder-first, Magi-Chan strode away. Wild shook his head, fearing the end of the Chaotic Combo as he knew it...

---

Cwcville Penitentiary stood tall, monolithic in an otherwise rural area of the city. Its walls were gray and featureless, devoid of windows so as to ensure a miserable life for the inmates. As far as the mayor was concerned, any crime against the city was a crime against himself. He believed that a prison's primary purpose was deterrent, reform was entirely incidental. A loud crack echoed throughout the area as mayor appeared outside the main gate in a blinding flash of purple light. The rusty gates parted as he strode forwards towards the main entrance. From behind an imposing chainlink fence, several inmates out on exercise glared at the mayor, yet dared not speak against him.

The doors opened with a creak, revealing several dank, nondescript hallways. The lights flickered as the mayor made his way towards the maximum security wing, Level 5. He sighed in frustration, wishing that he had teleported further inside the building. Of course, it always gave him a good feeling when the inmates could see his approach, and know that he would always be there to keep an eye on them, but the long walk through the sectors was simply too much effort for him to handle sometimes. The prison had been renovated several times in the past to accommodate new inmates. Many misdemeanors, such as smoking, speaking out of turn against the mayor or simply holding views that did not coincide with the mayor's own required harsher punishments these days, and thus prison population had increased tenfold in the last couple of years. Still, thought the mayor, it needed to be done, in order to preserve the city's true and honest image.

Entering in his four-digit password on the keypad, the mayor opened up the door to Level 5, one long corridor filled with several padded cell doors. The mayor calmly opened the door marked "Walsh, M.L.", and strode in, prompting an automatic light to switch on, partially illuminating the large room, whilst obscuring the center, in which stood a giant cube constructed of indestructible glass. The mayor walked up to one of the cube's edges, peering in.

"Have you come here to taunt me?", asked the inhabitant, her voice destitute, yet defiant.

The mayor cleared his throat before speaking. "I'm here about the, uhh, murder in Cwcville today. What do you know about it?"

The shadowed figure snorted. "Murder? I don't know what you're talking about. Besides..."

As she spoke, the mayor heard several short squeaks as the figure came to light at the edge of the cube. Clad in an orange jumpsuit, her silver hair bedraggled and unkempt, the former leader of the PVCC sat in an old wheelchair in desperate need of repair.

"...I don't think I'm in any position to harm anyone", she continued.

"You ordered it! You must have...", accused the mayor, pointing a finger onto the side of the inner cell. Unflinching, Mary leaned forward, almost pressing her nose up against the glass, her sunken eyes piercing through the mayor.

"Prove it", she sneered. In response, the mayor removed his finger from the cell, leaving a greasy print behind. A sick smile spread across his wide face.

"I intend to. Tomorrow, we'll have our best information gatherers ess-tract proof from you, and then...that'll be up to the poor woman's family to decide how you are to be...ess-ecuted." Slowly, the sneer vanished from Mary's face.

"You want to torture me?", she spat. "What more do you want from me, Chandler? You took my ability to walk, you locked me in this godforsaken hellhole...and for what? Because I questioned your leadership? That I was willing to sacrifice my life if it meant this city could finally live a life where everyone was equal, where everyone had the freedom to choose their families...their lifestyles?! What are you going to do when your torturers put me through every test that enters their sadistic little minds and still find nothing?"

The mayor paused, and for a brief moment, Mary assumed he was attempting to process what she had just told him. Instead, he nodded in realization. "I see...", he muttered. "So. Your magic has enabled you to withhold information, even from torture. Well, to answer your question, if we do find nothing after our series of...uhh...information retrieval, we'll take that as proof enough that your magic is too dangerous to let you live. Until then...peace".

The mayor turned on his heel, and walked out, slamming the external door behind him, and instantaneously making all of the lights switch off. Mary's fist clenched hard, and she slammed it hard into the side of the glass in frustration, before letting her head drop. She slumped in despair, pitying not only the mayor for his stubborn idiocy, but herself for allowing him to make her the way she was. This pathetic moment was interrupted when Mary heard a gruff voice echoing around the room, one that spoke in the manner of a Southern gentleman.

"Seems you're in quite the pickle, ma'am. I heard every word". Shocked, Mary jerked her head around, trying to determine the source of these words. "Don't worry", it continued, "all the sensors have been inactive for some time now, I took care of that myself".

Mary took a deep breath, feeling herself break out in a cold sweat. "This place is under psychic lockdown", she warned. "If you're unauthorized to be within 50 feet of the building..."

The voice chuckled patronizingly. "I wouldn't worry about that. Psychic detection only picks up on thoughts. I learned to operate solely on instinct. As for yourself, well, do you know how many prisoners go delirious in a place like this? For all they know, you're just talking to yourself. The fact that they can't detect me helps, of course."

As Mary heard the echo bounce off the walls, unable to find out who this man was, it continued. "Let's get down to brass tacks. I don't know who this killer is, and for that matter, neither does my employer. But you taking the fall for it is something that we cannot let happen. Like it or not, you're an instrumental part of our plan, and letting you die would set back months, if not years, of planning."

Mary frowned. "How do I know I can trust you?", she inquired.

"You'd prefer taking your chances with the mayor and his lapdogs?", came the response.

Mary sighed. "Alright. If you can get me out of here, I'll see what your employer wants. But I need answers. First off, who are you?"

A vent cover high above the cube came flying off. Emerging from the vent, a figure rolled out, landing with all the grace of a gymnast in front of a shocked Mary. He was a very stocky man with a buzzcut. He was clad in big black boots, khaki combat pants, and a camo tanktop that covered a forest of thick brown chest hair. Tattoos depicting several grinning skulls were spread across his gigantic biceps, and his face displayed a large scar just below his right eye. Nodding courteously, the stranger introduced himself.

"Name's Sammy, ma'am. I solve problems."

---

Angelica Rosechu felt herself yawn long and loud. It had been a stressful day volunteering at the soup hotel. Toiling in the kitchen, delivering to the rooms, she even got called up to check one guy's cable connection. She shuddered as she remembered his perverse gaze upon her. She had attempted conversation with the man, inquiring if he had any luck finding a job. Raising an eyebrow at her as if she was crazy, the perverted man explained that there was simply no point. Why, he had asked, should he bother applying for a job when he had everything he needed right here? Angelica was at a loss for words. Not, as she originally thought, at the man's audacity, but because she realized he had a point. The mayor had explained soup hotels as if they were the best idea ever, and she went along with him on that. After all, he was their beloved mayor and father. He should, by definition, know what is best for the city. However, time and time again she found herself wondering if his ideas were truly...

No. Angelica shook her head. She could not conform to the blasphemy. The mayor knew what he was doing. He must do. She reached her front door, turning the doorknob and sighing contentedly.

"Reggie? I'm...", she began. She paused, and she felt her heart skip a beat. Several pink rose petals littered the floor in a trail, leading up the stairway. Angelica smiled ear to ear. On a day like this her boyfriend, Reginald Sneasel, thought to surprise her. He was thoughtful, in his own way, but very rarely made gestures like this. Hell, Reginald disliked sharing anything, to the point of being possessive and paranoid. But he loved Angelica, and she felt the same way about him. She would have been happy to just spend the evening with him, feeling safe in his arms, but a little surprise like this went a long way.

She gleefully followed the rose trail, which led to their bedroom door. Angelica pushed the door open with a giggle. "Reggie", she exclaimed, "you shouldn't ha...".

She froze. Her body suddenly felt very heavy, and she dropped to her knees.

"No...", she gasped. "Dear God in heaven, no...".

Reginald's lifeless eyes stared back at her. He swung from the overhead beam, a noose tied tightly around his neck. His viscera hung out from a large incision running down his abdomen. Through tears, Angelica noticed a grisly message painted in blood on the wall behind Reginald's swinging carcass.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANGIE!".

---

The Cwcville war room was quiet, the atmosphere tense. Not a sound was heard, save for Blake's rhythmic typing on Cwcville's mainframe computer, and Angelica's hushed sobbings. The mayor stood in deep thought with his back to the round table. Cradling his head in his hands, Wild massaged his temples. He sighed, and addressed Magi-Chan.

"So that's all it is?", he asked snottily. "A big coincidence? Cwcville gets its first murder since Simonla, God rest her soul, Mary Lee Walsh somehow breaks out of the big house, despite having no movement in her primary limbs, and now poor Reginald is found eviscerated, and you think the PVCC have no part in this?!".

If Wild's outburst annoyed Magi-Chan, the psychic sophisticate did not let it show. "Precisely", he responded. "I believe that if the PVCC could dispatch us as easily as they dispatched Reginald and the woman, they would have done so already, while our guards were down. No. I believe our killer is looking for something far more sinister."

The mainframe computer beeped pleasantly, Blake turned to the others, a printout in his hand. "We've got a positive I.D on the dead woman, guys.", he stated, a little uneasy around the group. "Her name is Lovely Weather, aged 27. Once held by Cwcville's law enforcement for non-participation in Cwcville high Dating Education." Blake bit his lower lip and shook his head. "Hate to be the bearer of bad news, guys, but besides that, her record's spotless. Not a blip on the PVCC's radar."

At the far end of the war room table, Sonichu snorted in disbelief. "You seriously think that's relevant?", he asked, raising a single eyebrow at his comrades. "The PVCC don't care who they have to kill to get the job done. We should know this already!".

"Wrong", corrected Magi-Chan, shooting Sonichu down with a single glance. "The PVCC have killed before, and in large quantities. However, they would never assassinate anyone just for the hell of it. Besides...this woman may not have been known to our enemies, but our 'friends' are a different matter." Magi-Chan turned to the mayor. "Sir,", he started. "Are you sure this woman is unknown to you?"

The mayor lowered his head, and appeared to concentrate furiously, before grunting in frustration. "She...rings a bell, but...I do not know where from", he uttered.

"I was afraid of this", muttered Magi-Chan. The hedgehog cleared his throat. "What you are experiencing, sir, is a psychological phenomenon associated with negative repercussions in time travel, specifically your time in the time void. This deja vu feeling that you had upon seeing the late Miss Weather's corpse was triggered because in an alternative future, you and this woman would have been quite close."

The mayor faced Magi-Chan slowly. "As in...husband and wife?", he asked curiously.

"Doubtlessly", confirmed Magi-Chan. "I believe your discovery of this future prompted you to inform all of us of your exploits. However, once Miss Weather ceased to exist in the present, she could not have met you in the future. Your memory of her subsequently vanished. And all that remains...is the deja vu.".

Flabbergasted, the war room stared at Magi-Chan. Only Sonichu rolled his eyes at this revelation. "You can't be serious", he said incredulously. "You actually think this woman was murdered because she's father's future heartsweet?"

"It's the only possible explanation", responded Magi-Chan, confidently. "Worse yet, it isn't the most frightening part.". He sombrely closed his eyes and continued. "Since our mayor most likely kept this information between us, the killer must be either one of us, or anyone we trust. Which is why I ruled out the PVCC."

A deadly silence gripped the room. Bubbles Rosechu spoke up nervously. "But, Magi-Chan...", she began. "Why would anyone here want to do something so terrible?".

The purple hedgehog rose from his chair, standing at the table. Everyone at that point knew that what he had to say was of utmost importance. "Whomever this killer is", he announced. "They have declared war on the sweethearts of Cwcville!".

The room sat stunned. Even Sonichu's smug smile appeared to have been wiped from his face.

Magi-Chan paced around the table taking full control of the situation. "I want everyone to find your loved ones, make sure they're alright. Keep together. We don't know when this killer will strike again, so if we keep in contact..."

"M-Magi-Chan?", came a quiet voice. Magi-Chan turned and saw Punchy Sonichu, the color drained from his ususl jovial face. In a shaking hand, he held a cell phone. "I texted Layla when you told us about the whole...situation. I guess I wanted to know she was safe. She...sent me a text back, only...it doesn't sound like Layla who sent it. "

Hastily, Magi-Chan grabbed Punchy's wrist to read the message. His eyes opened wide as he noticed the text, which simply stated "THE SYSTEM CANNOT WIN". Looking Punchy dead in the eye, Magi-Chan 's body glowed. With a sudden flash of purple, and a sharp crack, the two disappeared.

Emerging from a portal, Punchy noticed he was back at his suburban home, having landed on the front lawn. Breaking free of Magi-Chan's grip, Punchy peered in through the living room window. He felt his mouth hang down in shock. His beloved girlfriend, Layla Flaaffy, was bound to a sturdy wooden chair, barely conscious. "Punchy...", she murmered. "What happened...to me?".

Snapping himself out of his daze, Punchy rushed to the front door. Magi-Chan called out to him, "Punchy, no! You're running into a...". However, before he could hear his friend finish, Punchy forcefully struck the door with his fist, splitting it down the middle.

What happened next, Punchy could have sworn happened in slow motion. First, he felt a rush of burning hot air rush against the right side of his face. He could feel his right arm being forced back, feeling it bend at the bicep, before snapping, and shortly after tearing away from the rest of his body. His eyes closed, Punchy felt his body being propelled backwards. He heard a loud explosion for just a second before it was replaced by an infernal ringing. Feeling his body hit the front lawn, Punchy cried out in pain. His right arm had been completely torn off just above the elbow, a large piece of wood was embedded in his right eye, his ears were cut to ribbons, and his body was covered from head to toe in burns and cuts. Opening his good eye, Punchy looked at the object that had crashed through his living room window. Even through the pain and shock, Punchy realized straight away that the object was the charred corpse of his sweetheart staring back at him. Feeling vomit rise up in his throat, Punchy passed out next to his burning crater that was once his house.

---

"...he's coming round. Take a step back, give him some room".

Punchy's eye slowly opened to a blinding light. Everything appeared so fuzzy, out of focus. He couldn't move his head, and what little he made out from his line of sight was white, nondescript. He lifted his left arm, only to instantly regret it, feeling a sharp sensation running up it.

"...steady...not to move...pretty banged up..."

Punchy recognized the voice as belonging to Bill, the mayor's trusted head of Cwcville's department of science. His voice was extremely muffled, as if Punchy was hearing him through a thick layer of cotton. A blocky shape came into Punchy's view. The red hedgehog squinted. The shape was white, humanoid, with something attached to the torso...or was it the back? The shape reached over to him, and Punchy could feel it removing something...bandages? Whatever it was, it came from the top of his head, just slightly. At that moment, Punchy's hearing became clearer, although he still couldn't stop listening to that ungodly ringing.

"Punchy...praise God you made it!", a voice cried out in relief. Punchy recognized it straight away as being Angelica's. Of course...her wings...Punchy tried to speak, and felt a rough croak emerge from his lips. "Layla...", it went.

Angelica closed her eyes, and remained silent. Punchy's heart sank, his worst fears come to light. That hadn't been simply some nightmare he could just wake from. His girlfriend was dead. And he made it happen. If he had simply waited, heeded Magi-Chan's advice, maybe some help could have arrived, maybe the bomb could have been defused. Maybe he could spend the rest of his life with the one who meant so much to...

"She's in a better place now, Punchy. She's in heaven. I...I know my Reggie's up there too.", Angelica assured, her voice wavering. Punchy could tell that her once strong faith was on slippery ground. He strained his vocal chords once more. "How long...have I been...out?", he managed.

"You've been out a couple of days", came Bill's voice. "We had to put you on so much morphine for your...injuries. We couldn't save your eye...and your right arm was eradicated in the blast. You suffered third degree burns over 85% of your body. If I may be frank, you're lucky to be alive."

Punchy suddenly snorted in a short chuckle, although it clearly hurt him to do so. "Lucky?", he gasped. "My Layla...dead, I'm...deformed, crippled...and I'm...lucky?".

"Punchy, please!", exclaimed Angelica, resting a panicking hand onto Punchy's chest. "We can make this work! We can nurse you back to health! With God and Jesus at our side, anything is...".

"To...HELL...with your God!", grunted Punchy through pained outbursts. Angelica stood back, and marked herself with the sign of the cross. Punchy's breathing became abnormal, managing only short gasps. He eventually calmed down after what seemed like an age, the atmosphere having become so tense. "Just...leave me.", he sighed. "Just...just leave.".

Angelica looked to Bill, who nodded with a melancholy look upon his face. Tears in her eyes, Angelica backed out of Punchy's room and, at least attempting an air of dignity, walked down the long ward of Cwcville Hospital.

Meanwhile...

Moving her motorized wheelchair over to the long dining hall table, Mary Lee Walsh gazed in amazement at the banquet laid out for her. This bunker was extremely spacious and luxurious, with everything she needed to see after a long spell in Cwcville Penitentiary. That mercenary, Sammy, had been correct. She had fared better here than with the mayor's goons. She hadn't remembered much about the journey here, only that Sammy had placed a sack over her head (apologizing in advance, of course), explaining that it was standard procedure, just in case psychic surveillance picks up the route to the bunker. Upon arrival, she had been checked into the clinic, and nursed back to health. Her incarceration had left her malnourished and in appalling health, but the good doctors here had given her all the shots and meds she needed. Now that she was cleared, she was ready to enjoy a good feast, the first she had experienced since before she was crippled. Eagerly grabbing a ladleful of jambalaya, she clutched at a fork and tucked into the dish. It was perfectly cooked, with a superb blend of meat and herbs. Glancing around the table, she noticed a few familiar faces. One of whom, a cloaked figure, raised his wine glass to her.

"Jason...so nice to see you again", Mary smirked. "Feels like so long ago we were working together. I thought you had given up sedition?"

Jason Kendrick Howell chuckled through closed lips. "You're half right...Ms Walsh.", he said. "I had given up trolling Chris. Agitation without purpose has become passe nowadays. However, you might say that I am something of a fan of the...underdog, as it were. There is someone who is far better suited to overseeing Cwcville. One who had approached me with quite the delicious proposition.You shall see what I mean shortly."

Mary nodded in comprehension before looking around some more. Alongside the far wall, four marble statues of young men stood proudly, each one adorned with a plaque displaying their name, and the message "in loving memory 2/25/10". Leaning against one was a short young man with spiky black hair, who appeared disgruntled.

"Wes?", asked Mary. "Wes Iseli? You've joined..."

"Save it, ma'am.", interrupted Wes. "I'm not here for a just cause, a brighter future, all that bullshit. I'm here because the guy in charge has promised me a full pardon if he runs Cwcville. No more acting as a fugitive. I am sick and tired of the mayor's bullshit. I've tried ignoring him, I've tried fighting him, God help me, I've even tried co-operating with him. Nothing. Works. I just want to live my life, and I want him to finally leave me be and stop bothering me over a childish grudge. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time..."

The sound of heavy boots echoed throughout the dining hall. Sammy, still dressed in his combat fatigues, a bowie knife strapped to his pant leg, strode into the hall. "Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you for your attendance at such short notice. May I present my employer, one who I am confident will bring Cwcville the prestige it deserves for the first time."

Clad in denim and an embroidered shirt, a large man with a neat haircut entered the hall. The diners rose to their feet, and Mary spun her wheelchair around to face the man. Her eyes grew wide, and she smiled. Moving forward, she greeted the man who would become her employer.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Please, excuse me for not getting up. I must say, breaking me out of jail, putting Cwcville on red alert, assembling this fine crew...you certainly have done a fantastic job."

A grin from ear to ear spread across the man's bearded face. He hunched towards Mary, and pointed at her with both fingers.

"But I'm NOT DONE YET!!", he shouted.

---

Cwcville's industrial estate held an intimidating aura, especially at night. The vast majority of warehouses and factories had to be condemned, owing to the city's embarrassing economic deficit in the past couple of years. The mayor believed this to be no great loss; after all, the best things the city needed could simply be imported, and who would not be honored to trade with the mighty city of Cwcville? As more and more workers found themselves heading from the factories to the soup hotels, however, exporting to Cwcville had very much seemed like a fool's errand. The residents had (quietly, of course) discussed that the mayor would need to do some persuading to get Cwcville noticed as a city in which to invest. The problem lay in the fact that what the mayor possessed in pride, he very much lacked in charisma. It seemed the city was in a downward spiral.

Outside the rusted railings to one such disused warehouse, a lone transient scurried by. He was clad in a woolen hat, a tattered Tennessee Titans jersey on top of long sleeved polo shirt, and a pair of filthy slacks. He had a scruffy beard, and a crazed look in his eye as he looked around nervously. He suddenly felt a bright light penetrate his eyes, and instinctively raised his hands to protect himself.

"Hey, buddy!", a voice cried out. Gerald Grant, an officer on the beat, lowered his flashlight. "What are you doing here?"

The hobo responded back, a little jumpily. "Jus' taking a nice midnight stroll. Wha's it look like?"

Officer Grant rolled his eyes. This guy was obviously up to some shady business. He marched up to the shaking bum, and holstered his flashlight. Throwing his hands up in a shrug, the hobo held his arms up as Gerald began the pat-down. Cigarette smuggling was still a major issue in Cwcville, as much as most officers believed it to be a waste of time. But, it needed to be done, if only because the mayor wouldn't goddamn shut up about it.

Finding nothing, Gerald took a step back. "You got a room at the soup hotel tonight?", he enquired.

"Not yet", came the reply. "Hey, maybe I'll head there now!"

Pointing his thumb behind him, Gerald spoke up again, an air of disbelief in his tone. "My squad car is just round the corner, I could drop you off.", he said. "Really, it would be no trouble".

Defiantly, the hobo leaned forward. "The walk will do me good", he spat.

His turn to shrug, Gerald strode off back to his car. "Whatever, it's all good.", he said back. "Just try to stay out of trouble, alright? Too much paperwork..."

The bum waited for the cop to disappear from sighf, before quickly scaling the railings. As quick as a flash, he dashed towards the warehouse, barging through the back door, slamming it behind him, and panting, his hands on his knees. The hobo then let out a pained scream as his skin literally began to crawl. He could feel his body agonisingly alter its shape, his bones shrinking, his head widening, a tail growing... he pounded the ground with his fists until the process was finished. Rising from the ground, the hobo's true form gasped in a cold sweat. Silvana Rosechu stepped out of her tattered clothes, revealing her purple bikini outfit in which she felt more comfortable. She lurched down the length of the warehouse, empty drums and broken pallets littering the site, reaching a far wall, covered by a sheet of plastic canvas. With a tug, she pulled the canvas off of the wall, kneeling before what was painted behind it.

A figure adorned the wall, painted in purple, seemingly constructed out of pure energy. Its glowing eyes seemed to follow Silvana around the room. Addressing the bizarre shrine, Silvana spoke. "Help me, Daddy.", she sobbed. "Please...I need you now more than ever. Don't..."

The sound of a drum hitting the ground startled Silvana, and she rose quickly to her feet. "Who's...", she began.

She found herself interrupted by a short whooshing soung, followed by a dull thud. Daring not to move or even blink, Silvana's eyes slowly turned to the wall behind her. A sharp shuriken was stuck in the sheet iron. A shuriken...covered in blood. Instinctively, Silvana reached to her neck, and found herself choking on her blood. She fell to the ground, her thoughts a silent cry for help...

"Goddamn you, don't die on me!"

Silvana awoke. She was laid on the floor of the warehouse, face to face with someone very familiar. Magi-Chan Sonichu, a glowing hand around her throat, was glaring at her, sweating profusely. Silvana opened her mouth to speak, but Magi-Chan immediately shushed her.

"I heard your cry for help, I teleported here immediately.", he assured her. "Your thoughts...stood out. Listen, I've cauterized the wound, that was the easy part, and now I'm transporting the blood from your lungs. Please, don't be alarmed, my telekinesis has never failed bef..."

Silvana turned her head and felt a large quantity of blood and pus exit her lips in a manner not dissimilar to vomit. She panted as Magi-Chan sighed in relief and exertion. Silvana turned to her savior, tears in her eyes. "Why...did you save me?", she croaked.

Magi-Chan sighed again. "It was...a feeling. Call it what you will, call it attraction, infatuation...love...I just knew, more than anything, I had to save you. I've heard your story. It was sad...and beautiful. I've wanted to meet you ever since."

Silvana turned away, ashamed. She spoke through croaks again, her voice wavering. "Please...don't. Ever since my fa...ever since Count Graduon was defeated, my shapeshifting powers have diminished. And...I'll just have one form...a male one." The room became silent. "It's taking me all my strength to retain some sense of femininity, but soon I won't even..."

"THAT DOESN'T MATTER", yelled Magi-Chan, repeating in a whisper, "that doesn't matter. I fell in love with you for who you are. And nothing, nothing will change that."

"Magi-Chan...", said Silvana, aware that her hand was being clutched tight by him. In the dark, she thought she could just about notice a glassy look in his eye.

Magi-Chan put his hand to his temple, connecting telepathically to his comrade. "Wild.", he projected. "I have Silvana here in the old Fanta storage building. She's been wounded. I need you to call ambulance right away."

"Magi-Chan", came the response. "I copy that. Thank God you were there to save her. It's...too bad we can't save everyone."

Concerned, Magi-Chan pushed again. "What do you mean, Wild?", he projected.

"It was on the news", responded Wild. "Lolisa and Jamsta...they heard the announcement that the sweethearts of Cwcville were in danger. I guess they didn't want to wait and see which one would be left grieving. They took a handful of pills each, and were found earlier today in each others arms...they're dead, Magi-Chan. And it definitely looks like there was no foul play. I'm...sorry to be the bearer of bad news."

Magi-Chan let his arm drop, and turned to Silvana, who displayed a worried look on her face. Magi-Chan patted her shoulder. "Rest now.", he softly said. "I swear on my life, I won't let anything else happen to you."

In the far distance, a figure darted through the shadows as sirens echoed throughout the city.

---

Above the Cwcville mall, the mayor's office was packed. The Chaotic Combo (minus Punchy), Blake, Sonichu and Rosechu, even Bionic and Megagi LeSkunk were gathered around the mayor's desk. The mayor himself sat in a luxurious leather office chair, the back facing the concerned group. Dramatically, the mayor spun around to face Magi-Chan, who cleared his throat.

"Silvana's lost a lot of blood, but at least her condition is stable. She should be alright.", said Magi-Chan. The mayor took a deep breath, and pulled his glasses from his face, which showed a rather blank expression.

"Hmm...", he grunted. "And what of her...other condition?". Magi-Chan sighed. He knew the issue would at least be an elephant in the room, but it was troublesome to bring it out into the open.

"She was...correct about her shapeshifting powers diminishing.", Magi-Chan managed. "Her condition there is irreversible, and she will eventually revert to a male form...permanently." The room became alive with discussion. Angelica marked herself with the sign of the cross, Bubbles placed her hand over her chest, looking at Magi-Chan sympathetically. Sonichu, meanwhile, whispered something to Rosechu, who giggled. Magi-Chan heard Sonichu's rather tasteless remark, but decided not to acknowledge it, there were issues at stake more important than childish bickering. The mayor raised his hand to silence the crowd.

"I see...", uttered the mayor. "No problems, however. We should all move on and get over it. Once Silvana becomes a...a dude, I'll summon Jiggliami back to Cwcville so the two of them can get together. Meanwhile, Angelica and Punchy need to hook up ASAP, and as far as Magi-Chan..."

"Sir!", interrupted Magi-Chan, slamming his fists down onto the desk. "That's INSANE!". The room was suddenly silenced. Sonichu suddenly let go of Rosechu's shoulder, and grabbed Magi-Chan by his vest.

"Magi-Chan, I'm sorry your plans for romance just got thrown down the crapper, truly I am", growled Sonichu. "But you do NOT question my father, and I will be DAMNED if I let you insult him!"

"Now hold on!", called out Wild, stepping forward. "Lets not blow anything out of proportion...Sonichu, let Magi-Chan go...maybe he has a suggestion of his own."

Sonichu reluctantly let Magi-Chan go, and stepped back. Magi-Chan brushed his crumpled vest down, and turned back to the mayor. "I propose a mandatory...mass separation in Cwcville."

The room once again became alive with murmering. Scoffing, Sonichu threw his hands into the air. "Now who's talking insanity?", he shouted.

Magi-Chan looked back at his heckler. "It's the only solution.", he said grimly. "Sonichu...wouldn't you feel safer knowing Rosechu's safety was guaranteed?".

Sneering once more, Sonichu spoke. "Unlike you, 'friend', I can actually protect my loved ones." Hearing a gasp, Sonichu rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, Angie. You know I didn't mean it like that. Honestly, why do females take everything so damn personally?".

Silencing Sonichu with a glare, Wild spoke up. "Although I don't particularly care for Sonichu's attitude...we cannot ignore that the proposal is, in his words, insane. We are dealing with a terrorist here! We cannot compromise our lifestyle..."

"Can we not?", a lone voice spoke out. The room turned to find Blake as the source of the outburst. Bubbles stood staring, her mouth agape. "I mean, I was happy being single just fine.", continued Blake. "This relationship I'm in, yeah it has its good points, but its not worth Bubbles' life, and it sure as hell ain't worth mine...I'm with Magi-Chan."

The room stared in shock. "Screw it!", cried another voice. Megagi LeSkunk stepped forward, to Bionic's shock. "He's right. Maybe this is the wake-up call we need. I don't remember when I last mattered! I was a guardian for Christ's sake! Now look at me! I'm just 'Bionic's girlfriend', nothing more. Magi-Chan, you got my vote".

Bionic spluttered, half-believing what was transpiring. "Baby,", he managed. "Please, don't do this to me!".

"See, there you go again! It was always about you, Bionic! I gave up my rocker lifestyle, my attitude, my feelings to living life without being tied down...well forget you, and forget him too!", cried Megagi, pointing at the mayor. The mayor rose furiously from his chair as Megagi instinctively cowered. However, Blake and Magi-Chan stepped in front of her, protectively. Megagi noticed that Bionic hadn't moved, fearful of his mayor.

The mayor relaxed, and sat back down. He took a deep breath. "Okay.", he stated. "We'll put it to a vote. Let no-one say I'm an unfair mayor. Everyone who agrees with Magi-Chan...stand to the left. Everyone else...the right.

Sonichu and Rosechu immediately stood right, hands locked mockingly to Magi-Chan. Wild nodded somberly, and joined them. Blake stood with Magi-Chan on the left, and Megagi joined him. Bubbles looked pleadingly at Blake before tearfully heading right. Angelica stood in the middle of the room, holding rosary beads and chanting. "Angelica?", asked the mayor, "what are you doing?". Angelica responded "I'm praying to God...I need guidance". "But Angelica,", responded the mayor, "I'm God's representative, aren't I? And I say go right."

Nodding, Angelica walked right, accompanied by Bionic. "Six votes against three", counted the mayor. "Looks like you were outvoted. True and honest couples remain together, let it come to pass. Magi-Chan, Blake, Megagi...because of your help saving the city in the past, you will not be punished for your...blasphemy. However, you are no longer welcome in the mayor's office."

As Sonichu smiled smugly, he sarcastically waved at the defiant three, who turned, and marched out of the mayor's office. Wild closed his eyes, sadly, and Bubbles wept as Blake turned from her, not looking at her in the eye. They were interrupted by Allison Amber, the mayor's trusted secretary, who burst in frantically.

"Miss Allison, I said no interruptions today...", began the mayor. He was cut off by Allison, who panted "Sir, it's Punchy. He's disappeared from his hospital bed. We don't know where he is!". The mayor stood, dumbfounded.

Meanwhile...

Standing in the middle of a large foggy plains area just on the outskirts of Cwcville, Punchy crumpled up the mysterious message with his remaining hand. He was wearing a large heavy trenchcoat with one sleeve stapled up, a bandanna that covered his burnt head, and an eyepatch that covered the hole where his eye used to be. A figure approached him. She was a young woman, clad in a Chinese style top and Gi pants. "Love the new look, old friend.", she stated.

"Don't waste my time, Mypoe", snapped Punchy. "I'm in a lot of pain right now. Tell me what you want."

"Touchy as ever", Mypoe snarked. "Alright. I'll cut to the chase. My employer wants you to join us. Start a revolution. All that jazz. He sent me to try and convince you. You in?"

Stunned, Punchy stood flabbergasted. "You want me to join you? You took my tail?"

"You took my father's love!", retorted Mypoe. "I guess that makes us even. If it were up to me, I'd leave you to rot, but...well, I can't deny you're one hell of a fighter, even with one arm...and one eye. The revolution needs you."

Punchy paused. "And what do *I* get out of this?", he asked.

"You get a brand new mayor", responded Mypoe. "One who won't drag you into their personal affairs, one who won't respond to your grieving with a simple 'get over it', one who'll guarantee you justice against Layla's killer, whether or not they pissed the mayor off. Any of this help?". Punchy placed his hand on his hip and sighed.

Sammy heard two raps on the door of the chopper, and obligingly opened the side door. Mypoe stepped in, followed by Punchy. "Good to see you saw the light, friend. Anything you need, we'll see to."

"What I need", replied Punchy. "Is a whole load of vicodin...and a goddamned cigarette."

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Spoiler

As Wild burst through Sonichu's front door, Sandy following close behind, his expression changed from panic and concern to confusion and annoyance. He felt that the scene which greeted him was bizarre, to say the least. Streamers hung from the ceiling, and a table had been set up in the living room, covered in finger food and bowls of orangey punch. Loud and obnoxious sugerpop music blared from a boombox in the corner of the room as Sonichu danced. His children, Christina, Robbie and Cerah, attempted to copy their father's erratic movements, but owing to their minuscule proportions they could only flail their arms into the air whilst teetering to the beat. Rosechu emerged from the kitchen, clad in an apron and carrying a tray of drinks, which she offered to the other guests; Bionic, Angelica and Bubbles; who were sat on the sofa, disenfranchised and visually uncomfortable. Sonichu stopped dancing when he noticed Wild and Sandy enter the house.

"Hey, you made it, man!" cried Sonichu, a large smile spread across his face. "It's great to see you brought the young'un. Nobody's too young for a...wild party, huh?" Sonichu chuckled at this, and casually ruffled the starfish-shaped hair of Sandy, who flinched at Sonichu's touch. She had always been a nervous child, and ever since her part in the execution of the Asperpedia 4, she had dreaded social situations.

"Sonichu...*this* is the emergency you were talking about?", inquired an irritated Wild. "You sounded like you really needed me here right away!"

"Hey, man!", said Sonichu, throwing his hands up in the air, before speaking softly and encouraging. "I do need you here. Party's just not the same without the world's biggest party animal, am I right, guys?" Sonichu called out to sofa, being met with a half-hearted acknowledgement. Rosechu forced a smile, and motioned to her children.

"Sandy! Sandy! Yay!", cried the kids, who toddled over to Sandy and crowded around her. She nervously waved back to them, even gently patting Christine on the head, but still turned her head to her father, eyebrow raised.

"Sonichu..." began Wild. "Friend...do you really think this is the best time for a party? Magi-Chan, Blake and Megagi banished from the mayor's office...Punchy missing? What could you possibly be celebrating? Have you been drinking?"

Sonichu snorted in response. "Naw, dog!", he scoffed. "I'm drunk off of life, man! This place needs more positivity, and I am just the guy to deliver. Besides, Magi-Chan was a gigantic prick, Blake and Megagi...what good have they ever done for anyone? And Punchy? Pfft...he's probably just out buying another cartoon DVD or whatever. He'll be back in time for some sweet Catholic lovin', ain't that right, Angie?"

"Hmm? I'm sorry, Sonichu, did you say something?", asked Angelica, who was lost in thought, barely aware of her surroundings. Bubbles put a comforting arm around her, glaring at Sonichu's lack of tact.

"There is a murderer in Cwcville!", explained an exasperated Wild. "Don't you care about that? Sonichu, your wife may be in danger, YOU might be in danger! We need to formulate a plan right away..."

"Yeah, yeah, plan, whatever." interrupted Sonichu. "Listen, Wild. I know you've been pining over what's-her-face ever since she bought it, and of course ever since you showed that you and I are on the same page at the meeting, I wanted to give you a nice surprise. Call it an early birthday present, bro." Sonichu whistled and, on cue, a young Rosechu entered the room, with bug wings and a halter-top. She approached Wild coyly, holding her hands behind her back and giving a shy wave. "May I introduce Zapina Rosechu", stated Sonichu proudly. "Zapina's heard so much about you, man. How you single-handedly saved Cwcville's ass so many times, and how capable you are at...um...'rising' to new challenges" Sonichu raised both his eyebrows at Wild before motioning with his eyes for Wild to play along. In response, Wild stood there stunned.

"Sonichu", he whispered, pulling the yellow hedgehog aside. "Are you seriously suggesting what I think you're suggesting? Are you out of your mind? Hell, she's not even sixt..."

Shaking his head and chuckling, Sonichu sighed at Wild condescendingly. "Shh, dude." he stated. "Look, do you know who my daddy is? I can arrange it with him for a few changes to the law to be made. Trust me, dog. You'll be counting down the days until she becomes 'legal'", he said, adding a little wink and pushing a glass of orange soda into Wild's hand. Angrily, Wild backhanded the glass from Sonichu's hand, sending it flying across the room. A deathly silence gripped the room. Rosechu looked around nervously, and cleared her throat.

"Kids?", she shakily asked. "Would you like to show Sandy your new video game?". The children, oblivious to the tense moment, threw their hands up into the air and cheered. "Yay!", they called in unison. "We get to play the cars, we get to go do the drive", dragging Sandy into the den. Sonichu's smile remained on his face, and he snickered, disbelieving what Wild just did.

"Dude...", he chuckled. "The hell? We just put that carpet down. Seriously? I try to do you a favor and you just throw it back in my face...literally? Bro, I thought you and I see eye-to-eye."

Wild exhaled, trying to calm himself down, but still shaken. "I follow the mayor, Sonichu. That much is true. I'll fight by his side no matter what happens. He knows what's best for the city, and as long as you're his son, I'll fight with you, too. But look at you! You're...you're disgracing yourself! It's like you don't even care anymore! Look at Bubbles, Angelica, Bionic! Do they look like they're in any condition to party now?"

"Well, excuse me for trying to make people happy, Wild!", shouted an indignant Sonichu. "Father beat Mary Lee Walsh, single-handedly, without breaking a sweat, and he can do it again. Do you seriously think just because a few weak little individuals got iced, and a stupid couple decided to off themselves that I am going to break a sweat? You've gone soft, Wild."

Wild stared in amazement at Sonichu's bare-faced audacity. "Maybe", he concurred. "But I can look at myself in the mirror, and be proud of the fine soldier I've molded myself into. I fight for Cwcville...for the mayor...and for my family. And no matter how hard I train, I know I can always train harder to prepare for anything that threatens any of the above. Can you say the same, Sonichu? I'll see you at the next meeting. Come on, Sandy! We're leaving."

Sandy dashed out of the den to a chorus of "Bye-bye Sandy!" from the children. She followed her father awkwardly as Sonichu continued to sneer.

"Yeah, that's right. Run away with your tail between your legs!", heckled Sonichu mockingly. "Hey, try not to let down your dead girlfriend next time you face one of our 'super-powerful' enemies." He turned to Rosechu, who stood terrified in the doorway. "What are you lookin' at?", he growled.

"N-nothing, dear", trembled Rosechu. Sonichu strode up to her, eyes lowered.

"That's what I thought.", he smirked. "Now get back in the kitchen. We're running low on miniature egg rolls here. Come on! Let's get this party started!". The remaining party guests nervously downed their punch as Sonichu turned up the volume on the boombox, beginning another dance break.

---

Dipping his large bowie knife into the marble basin, Punchy stared back at the mirror. The face staring back at him had so many scars and burns, but Punchy looked past them all. Beyond the detailed unique marks, all he could see was emptiness. The times when he would joke with his comrades, laugh to the shows on the television and smile contentedly on a lazy day with Layla all seemed so far away. He dragged the knife over his stubble, feeling the tiny hairs break under the sharp blade like wheat to a scythe. The knife had been a gift from Sammy. Punchy didn't know why, but he had seen that moment as more significant than when he agreed to Mypoe's proposal. Maybe the knife represented his new life with the Mays-Walsh Coalition. Maybe deep down Punchy saw it as Sammy passing the torch to him. Whatever it was, Punchy decided he liked these guys infinitely more than the mayor and the group of ass-kissers he once called his friends.

"She's in heaven right now...", Angelica had said. "In heaven with Reggie". What a crock of bullshit. Punchy clenched his fist, furiously thinking back. Punchy had died on the operating table for three minutes. He saw no light. No tunnel. No glimpse of his beloved living it up on a big, fluffy marshmallow cloud. All he saw was a blank, empty void. And to add insult to injury, the mayor was suggesting, nay, he was goddamned ordering that Punchy forget Layla and start a new relationship with that naïve, spineless whore who shrugged off his pain, even though she lost her loved one in the same way. "Bastards...", Punchy muttered, shaving the last patch of stubble on his rough face.

Punchy extinguished his tenth cigarette of the morning in a lavish jade ashtray. It may as well have been a clay pot for all Punchy cared, material items gave him no joy anymore, but then again, neither did personal relationships. Grabbing a fresh bandage and holding it in his teeth, Punchy applied a new dressing to the stump at his shoulder and then reached for his pills. He swallowed a handful of vicodin, uncaring to the amount, and turned to his wardrobe. He slipped on a camo tanktop, tied a plain green bandanna over his head wounds and slipped hos knife into the scabbard of his pants. He looked back in the mirror, and considered leaving his empty eye socket uncovered. After all, why keep up appearances? On second thought, he decided, he had a duty to uphold now. That fat, frivolous buffoon in the mayor's office needed to be overthrown, so the troops need to be rallied properly. He grabbed his eyepatch and placed it over the socket, leaving his dorm in no great hurry.

He was greeted by Wes, who nodded curtly whilst keeping his grim expression. Wes led the way down a white corridor to a large open area. Safety mats littered the floor, training dummies were laid against the walls in a row, and the leader of the resistance was eagerly and enthusiastically addressing a large assembled group of rebels as Sammy, Mary and Jason looked on, enthralled. "...and that's not all!", continued the leader. "Because I like you guys, and I can't do this all day, I got a special treat just for you. Now, you've already got training in survival and fitness from my boy, Sammy, and now its time to bring out our BRAND NEW miracle worker member, may I introduce Mr. PUNCHY SONICHU!"

Applause greeted Punchy like a wave as he walked into the training hall. He saw approving looks from Sammy, his leader, even former enemies Mary and Jason. However, one face was less than impressed. A large African-American gentleman in a brown training gi chuckled. Whispering something to a colleague. Sammy frowned, and spoke up. "You will have to speak up, son. I'm not too sure the rest of us heard you". The man turned, unimpressed.

"I said", began the man. "Why the hell should we listen to this clown? The stakes are too high for us to take orders from a one-eyed, one-armed rat".

Calmly, Punchy reached into his pocket as the man flinched. Punchy continued to pull out a packet of cigarettes, placing one into his mouth. Sammy walked over, producing a golden lighter, to which Punchy obligingly accepted a light. Serenely, Punchy spoke, the cigarette glowing in his mouth. "Step forward and state your name", he said. The man walked confidently over to Punchy, towering over him.

"Jerkhief", stated the man. "Sergeant Jerkhief. I'm a top student of Mr. Sammy, he's taught me everything he knows."

"Apparently I forgot to teach you manners", stated Sammy disapprovingly. Punchy took a drag and looked up at Jerkhief, completely nonchalant.

"Tell you what I'm going to do", Punchy finally said. "If you can knock my smoke from my lips, I'll step down, and you can deal with your little problem any which way you want. Sound fair?"

A smile crept across Jerkhief's face. "Yeah, Ok" he said with a swagger. "So, when do I...", before he finished, he took a wild swing at Punchy, goung for a cheap victory. Punchy tilted back instinctively. Appearing uncaring, but simultaneously being quick like a cat. Annoyed, Jerkhief took another swing, but this time Punchy effortlessly blocked the blow with his forearm, following up with an elbow to the face. Jerkhief stumbled back, landing on his backside. The group applauded Punchy as Jerkhief scrambled back to his feet. He spat on the floor, and charged at Punchy, being met with a knee to the gut, and a casual elbow to the back of the neck as Jerkhief was bent double, winded. Grunting, Jerkhief reached into his gi, pulling out a nightstick, which he brandished upon rising to his feet. With a warcry, Jerkhief again went for Punchy.

Jerkhief suddenly found himself on his knees, Punchy's foot pressed against his back and his own nightstick being pressed up against his windpipe. The crowd gasped as Jerkhief spluttered for air. "Do you want to overthrow the mayor?", Punchy asked.

"Y-yes", spluttered Jerkhief, his cries raspy and brief.

"How much?", asked Punchy, his tone commanding and loud.

"More than anything else in the world", came the reply. "The mayor took my wife...he took my house...I can't see my kids...and he laughed at my pain...he said his was much worse..."

"Do you know what the difference is between me and the mayor?", inquired Punchy. Jerkhief tried to respond, but couldn't. He could not get enough air. Suddenly Punchy released his grip, tossing the nightstick at Jerkhief's gasping body. "I know how to be merciful. The mayor doesn't care how hellish his world is, he'll grant you no quarter. If you want to go back to that kind of world, raise your kids in an uncaring environment, live your life in misery, then by all means continue to question me. But I want to see this mayor fall, just as much as you...and if you want to be as good a fighter as me, listen to what I have to say. Now...let's begin."

Punchy motioned to Wes, Jason and Sammy, who brought out some training dummies. Dividing the room into lines, Punchy watched as the resistance troops charged at the dummies in turn. Punchy barked out orders with all the professionalism of a drill instructor. The leader beamed, feeling that for the first time, the Coalition looked like a true threat to the mayor's tyrannical reign.

---


Naitsirhc paced back and forth, agitated. Of course, he was getting what he came for. The remaining members of the Chaotic Combo were looking out for him and his girlfriend, sure, and he was confident that the mayor's office was undoubtedly as secure as Sonichu had promised. However, he did not appreciate that smug, satisfied stare the little rodent was giving him, nor did he trust the mayor's wandering eyes around Kel. As far as the office was concerned, Nate (as he preferred to go by) owed them a grand total of two favors. If his father wanted to chip in, that'd be fine, Miss Amber had said. The surrogate mother to the great Sonichu's wife, and Nate had to beg the mayor to help them out. Not to mention the first time the mayor's office had "helped him out" had complications...

Earlier that day, he and Nate had contacted the mayor on a matter of grave importance. They had received an anonymous typed letter in the mail. It said, quite chillingly, "12:00 tonight. Death awaits. The system cannot win". Nate had answered his cellphone that day to hear a panicked Kel. She had read the letter and feared for her life; she didn't know who to trust. All these murders around town...Nate didn't like owing anything to anyone. Desperate times, however, and all that jazz. The mayor had been reluctant to help; after all, if he kept on granting favors, more and more citizens would disturb him, asking for help. Miss Amber's influence had swayed the mayor over, although not without an impetuous sigh first. That Miss Amber...she was a real wolf in sheep's clothing.

Sonichu stood by the mayor, tapping his feet impatiently. He had sweetened the deal, explaining that this was the perfect time to show the killer that they can't kill anymore. The system must win. It has to. Kel sat on the edge of her chair, uncertain where to look, too nervous to say anything. The windows were shock and bulletproof, the building's foundations were perhaps the firmest any architect had known. No-one was getting in or out of the building. Yet she still felt uneasy. With this killer, she didn't know what to expect.

Breaking the silence, Sonichu cleared his throat. "See, father?", he asked. "I knew we didn't need that purple faggot around here. Not when we have good, reliable technology". Sonichu patted the large radio on the mayor's desk. He snickered, in spite of the macabre situation. That fancy psychic prick replaced by a piece of equipment about a hundred years old. If only he could see his face now..."Let's fire it up", Sonichu suggested.

The radio blared out static. Wild's voice came on. "Status report: I've got a vine network set up around the mall. Tripwires everywhere. I sense anything, I'll let you know. Wild out".

Bubbles' voice followed with clockwork precision. With Magi-Chan's dismissal, Punchy's absence and Angelica's deteriorating mental state she took her new role as Chaotic Combo deputy leader extremely seriously. "I'm in synch with the rain in a 500 yard radius. Any disturbances, and I'll know immediately about it".

After a silence, Angelica's voice came across. "I've prayed to the almighty for Kel's safety. I have promised..."

"Angie, focus!", barked Wild. Angie gasped, almost shrieked, at Wild's abrupt tone. She had been experiencing that kind of talk a lot lately. She had been told that her refusal to see beyond a simple black-and-white good triumphant over evil mentality was placing the team at great risk.

"Sorry", she eventually said. "I mean, I have a perfect bird's eye view of the mall. No-one is violating curfew...over."

"Understood. Thanks, guys", responded Sonichu. He turned to Nate, grinning. "How about that? All it took was a curfew and a little elbiw grease. You have nothing to worry about!"

"Don't I?", asked Nate. "Do you know the hell I've been through? All the time in hospital watching the other subjects of your inane experiment drop like..."

Nate was cut off by a beeping on his wrist. He sighed. "Excuse me", he said, reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a syringe. Kel moved to apply the shot, but Nate put up a hand to stop her. He extended his forearm, searching for the vein, before stabbing down, frustrated. He turned to the mayor. "Every day, without fail, or I go into anaphylectic shock, possibly even go into a coma I can't wake up from. Did you consider that when cooking up your vaccine?" Nate winced as the liquid drained into his body. Kel looked on in concern as Naitsirhc continued. "My life expectancy has been shortened because of you...if what you did hadn't led me to Kel, the best thing in my life...I would be choking you right now".

The mayor sighed condescendingly. It was true that Naitsirhc had been an involuntary test subject for the mayor's highly experimental heterosexual vaccine. The shot in question had been hastily prepared and administered orally during a confrontation between the two warring young men. Initially Nate had felt fine, and his mind had been reprogrammed to follow a straight lifestyle. Although Nate had always on some level resented the mayor for deciding what the "true path" was, disregarding Nate's own opinion, this resentment only became pure hatred when Nate began to suffer the side-effects of the vaccine. It began with a few migraines and dizzy spells, escalating into seizures and mental blackouts. The doctors had told him that the chemical imbalance in his cerebral cortex required a daily dosage of intravenous...something Nate couldn't pronounce. They had told him that this condition would inevitably worsen, and Nate would be lucky to see past fifty. Little of this mattered to the mayor, who was good at justifying his actions, at least to himself. "Well...think of it this way" began the mayor. "If you die earlier, God and Jesus will make sure you get to a nicer part of heaven. And...because you're now straight, you won't be sent to hell for all of time! The way I see it, you should consider yourself lucky that I gave you that blessing".

Naitsirhc opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted by Bubbles, whose voice barked in over the radio. "Incoming projectile coming from the south! Evasive manoeuvres now!"

Sonichu snorted, and rolled his eyes. "Bitch, please", he began. "Nothing's getting through these..." a large arrow shot through the southernmost window in the office, narrowly missing Sonichu by a hair's breadth. The arrow left a small hole in the thick glass, and embedded itself in a painting of the mayor on the far wall, hitting the mayor's visage square in the forehead. Immediately, several steel shutters dropped down over the windows, with alarms sounding in the distance. Sonichu collected himself, and looked around. Kel was on the floor, having dropped at Bubbles' command. The mayor was rooted to his chair, sweating and his eyes narrowing at the offending arrow, whilst Naitsirhc was stood in shock to the side of the room. Everyone was shaken, but the arrow had hit no-one. Sonichu walked up to the arrow, pulling it from painting. The arrow had a little note attached. Sonichu read it aloud.

"'See how easy it would be for us? Step down as mayor, or the next one won't miss. -The Coalition'", Sonichu read. He crumpled the paper up and threw it in the trash. "Credit where it's due, I have no idea how that arrow breached our supposedly impenetrable windows. But hey, we''ve got nothing to fear, right? Cwcville is at the top of its game, we're not going to be frightened off by..." Sonichu paused, his eyes turning to Naitsirhc, who was still in shock. "Yo, ex-faggot", Sonichu began. "You can stop shitting yourself now. It's 12:01, your heartsweet's still alive, this little dart ain't scaring us. Snap out of..."

Nate suddenly retched, vomiting a large amount of blood. He clutched at his throat and dropped to his knees, the veins around his neck standing out as if they were about to burst. His eyes became bloodshot as Kel rushed over, screaming his name in terror. "The shot!", she gasped, staring at the empty syringe in Nate's hand. Kel turned back to the mayor. "Please", she begged. "You have to..." Nate collapsed into the puddle of his own regurgitated blood. By the time Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc's head hit the ground with a sickening splash, he was dead. With shaking hands, Kel reached for the empty syringe clutched by Naitsirhc as the mayor and Sonichu stared on, dumbfounded. As Kel took the syringe, she noticed a thin laminated piece of paper inside it, once obscured by the opaque liquid. It read:

"I TOLD YOU...THE SYSTEM CANNOT WIN."

---

Wild stared at the giant cork board with a mixture of self-disgust and depression. The board stood out in the conference room, standing out as the most chaotic and menacing object. Photos of every victim were pinned up, along with the significant others of each one, plus more persons of interest, all connected with colored twine. Dutifully, Wild uncapped a red marker, approaching the photo of Naitsirhc and crossing out his picture with a giant X, adding below the photo the word “poisoned”. He sighed, and stared hard at the board, rubbing his chin. He eventually threw the marker at the wall in frustration, letting out a guttural growl as he did so. Hearing a knock on the door, Wild took a few deep breaths to maintain his image as the leader of the Chaotic Combo. “It’s open”, he said. Angelica Rosechu opened the door cautiously. Her face displayed a look of concern, combined with wide-eyed anxiety. Wild noticed that she had developed more rings under her eyes in the past couple of days, and her hair was becoming more and more of a mess.

“Wild”, she began, her voice cracking. “I know what happened here wasn’t your fault. I’ve prayed to God, and I have asked for His blessing and divine assistance for whatever happens next”. Angelica smiled, accentuating the wrinkles above her cheekbones.

“Yes, thank you, Angie”, said Wild flatly. “Please get some sleep, you’re…working too hard”. Wild wanted to yell at her. To tell her that now was neither the time nor the place for God, that if she wanted to help she should have told him what to improve on, what to look for…but he couldn’t. This killer was depending on the Combo splitting up further, he just knew it. They needed to work as a unit, now more than ever. He simply could not risk driving yet another wedge in between members.

“Understood, Wild”, said Angelica enthusiastically. “Before I do, however, I will pray for you and for the mayor for their help. And to Nairsirhc, so that his soul may find peace in spite of his debauchery and malicious…”

“Yes, thank you, Angie”, repeated Wild, with audible irritation. “Just don’t…pray too hard is all”. Angelica nodded, and walked out, as if in a daze. Her faith and ‘high on life’ attitude disturbed Wild. She had refused counselling and therapy, explaining that the Lord was her shepherd, and she’ll not want. Outside the door, Wild heard her bump into Bubbles, prompting a cautious “Whoa”, from Bubbles.

“Bubbles! So nice to see you!” cried Angie. “I’m going to speak to the Almighty now, I’ll be sure to mention you and your happiness to Him so that you may receive His divine…”

“Shut up, Angelica”, snapped Bubbles. Angie did so, immediately. Her smile didn’t fade, but she stuttered, stuck for words. Eventually, she gave a little smile, and nodded, walking off without saying a word. Bubbles gave a knock on the open door, letting herself in. She was carrying two large mugs of coffee, putting one on the table and pulling herself up a chair. “Wild”, she addressed, courteously. “How’re things? Got you a cup of joe, figured it could help”.

Wild accepted the mug. It was green, and had the message “Feelin’ vine” written on the side. Bubbles had gotten many like that for each member of the Combo. They were cheesy, to say the least, but in grim situations like this Wild appreciated the juxtaposition. The coffee was black and strong, just like Wild liked. “Thanks, Bubbles”, he said. “Coming up with bupkis here. I’m not seeing any pattern…only that each vic was in a relationship, and the method of execution differed. Anyways, enough about me. How’re you holding up?”

Bubbles frowned. “How ought I be holdin’ up?” she asked. Wild turned to her, and saw that her face was deadly serious. Wild found something off about this. Bionic had, after all, broke down into tears after Megagi dumped him. Bubbles had been distant for a few days…but now it was as if nothing had happened.

“Well…” began Wild. “You and Blake…” Bubbles held up her hand to interrupt Wild. Her eyes were narrow, and she had an intense look upon her face. “Piss on Blake”, she said. Wild didn’t know what to say. Bubbles had never been so…blunt before. “Excuse me?” Wild asked.

Bubbles rolled her eyes, taking a sip of coffee before speaking. “The guy was an ass”, she said. “Either what he said was true, he felt the relationship stifled him and stopped him from being the badass he thought he was; which is by the way bullshit, that was all up to him; or he was just scared about the killer and thought either his life was in danger or I don’t know how to take care of myself. The way I see it, he’s either a narcissistic prick or a cowardly prick. So, I repeat: piss on Blake”.

Wild stood impressed by Bubbles’ surprisingly cold but effective logic. He pulled up a chair, and sat across from her, motioning to the board. “Glad to see you’re still with us, Bubbles”, he said. “Maybe you could help me out. I am at the end of my tether here. I’m not noticing anything strange, it’s as if this killer works by pure chaos. I just don’t know what I can do with these figures…”

Bubbles interrupted this with an amused snort. “Oh, sorry Wild”, she scoffed. “Did I break your concentration? Look, do you know why I follow you as the leader of the Combo? Because you know your shit. You’re a brilliant tactician, you can organize anything in a heartbeat, and you follow the same mayor that I do with gusto. Everyone in Cwcville knows they can count on you. So to see you whining like a little bitch…it’s real funny to me is all. Get your shit together, and you can do anything. Come on, you stupid sumbitch. I shouldn’t have to tell you this”.

Wild sat stunned, but eventually burst out laughing, the first laugh he enjoyed since the death of his beloved. “Ah, thanks Bubbles”, he said, wiping a tear from his eye. “I needed that. You’re like, the bitchy little sister I never had”.

Bubbles smiled back, patting him on the wrist. “And you’re, like, the asshole leader I sometimes wish I’d never met”, she said with a wink. She turned to the board, trying to figure something out. “Wait…” she muttered. “Could it be so simple?”

Wild’s eyes lit up with a spark. “You know something?” he asked. “What?” In response, Bubbles walked over to the board, arranging the photos of the victims, placing them in order of murder.

“Wild…” she asked. “Look at the timespan! Reginald, and then Layla. Killed one after the other. Before that, the mayor’s future wife…and now Naitsirhc. It goes female, male, female, male”, she deduced. Wild raised an eyebrow.

“So?” Wild asked. “I don’t see where you’re going with this…” to which Bubbles strode over to a file cabinet in the room, pulling out a folder and opening it on the conference table.

“Look at this”, she stated, pointing Wild’s attention to some highlighted passages in the case report. “A single message, repeated over and over. ‘The System cannot win’. It all makes sense now. Let’s start at the inception of dating education. Reginald and Layla were both paired up due either directly or in part to the mayor’s dating education scheme. Miss Weather was the mayor’s future wife, and Naitsirhc was set up with Kel shortly after he was administered with the heterosexual vaccine! It fits. The female, male, female, male pattern would be the killer’s way of letting us know that, male or female, if you believe in the system, you’d pay for it. I believe that system is, in the killer’s mind, arbitrary pairing off of couples throughout Cwcville! I guess that’s why the killer spared Sonichu and Rosechu, they paired up without any outside intervention!”

Wild stood there, mouth agape. “But that still doesn’t make sense!” he protested. “First off, the timespan is all wrong. Lovely Weather is the mayor’s *future* wife. She hasn’t been paired off with him yet. Secondly, what about Bionic and Megagi? They got together before Angie and Reginald, and yet they’re both alive…”

Bubbles stood in thought. “But she wasn’t happy…she didn’t believe in the system. She proved that to us at the meeting, and it was common knowledge that she and Bionic had unresolved issues…as far as Miss Weather is concerned, the mayor’s been in love with his ‘future wife’ for about a decade now…I think it was just bad luck that Lovely happened to be that ‘future wife’. Either way, it fits. Now, if we follow the female-male pattern, adding the ‘pairing off’ factor, the next prominent figure would be…” Bubbles grinned, knowing she had cracked the code. “It’s Zelina! She and Darkbind moved from RuleCwc to the city center since Sonichu cured her comatose state. Wild, make sure that she and Darkbind get round the clock security” Bubbles commanded.

Wild’s grin soon faded from his face upon realization of something. “Wait…something doesn’t add up. Silvana”, he stated. “She was targeted before Naitsirhc….and at the time at least, she was female. The timespan doesn’t work either. She and Magi-Chan weren’t together at the time, and wishing no disrespect to the mayor Magi-Chan doesn’t have the same mentality as him. Sure, Silvana survived the attack, but there was no way the killer would have known that, her life was hanging by a thread. What does that mean?”

Bubbles paused, her stride broken. “I…have no idea” she managed, finally. The two stared in silence at the board, focusing on Silvana’s photo. The message “blood loss?” was scribbled beneath it in red marker.

---

Silvana winced as Bill gave her another shot of morphine. She looked to Magi-Chan, who sat by her bed, holding her hand for support. He had promised to stay by her side until she made a full recovery, and it showed. His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep, and his normally neatly-combed hair was disheveled and knotted. He had obsessively scanned each member of staff that approached Silvana, and each result had come back clean. This behavior frightened Silvana, to say the least. Was she really in that much danger? Did he really need to obsess over everything? It was intimidating, and Magi-Chan knew it. However, he had justified himself by explaining to Silvana that he couldn't risk anything harming her. Not in times like this. Not when the Sweetheart Slayer (as they were dubbed by the replacement news team) was still at large. As much as Silvana hated to admit it, he had a point. Or maybe this was that 'Stockholm syndrome' she once read about. It was true that nobody else had come to visit her. Not even a 'get well soon' card. The closest thing she ever got was a telegram from the mayor setting her up on a date with that pop singer Jiggliami as soon as her male transformation is complete. Magi-Chan had crumpled up that telegram and promptly threw it in the trash as soon as they had finished reading it, muttering to himself about how much of a fool the mayor was.

Bill turned to Magi-Chan, a look of concern on his face. "Her hormones are...settling", he said, unsure if even he understood the science. "By my estimations, it should be around 12 hours before she becomes completely male". Bill leaned in closer, so that nobody but he and Magi-Chan could hear. "Say...", he said. "You do know that if you choose to continue treating her the way you do...".

Magi-Chan sighed, and spoke back, audibly so Silvana could hear too. "I know", he replied. "I have a contingency plan". Bill nodded, and left the two. Silvana looked back at Magi-Chan, her eyes beginning to tear up. "What did I do?", she asked. "Why are you going so far out of your way for me?"

Magi-Chan paused. "I wish I knew", he said finally. "I wanted to know more about you. I wanted to understand you...I guess that's why I vowed to protect you".

Silvana turned away, resting her head on her pillow, tears running down her cheek. "They'll hunt us down", she whimpered. "They'll try us...execute us...all your efforts will go to waste". She felt something land on the pillow behind her, and saw a pamphlet. It read "Come to sunny Molvania, Ohio!" across the front, showing many photos of a friendly, welcoming, Midwestern town. Silvana absent-mindedly flicked through the pamphlet, taking in the various different pieces of information. "This town...", she began.

"It...acts as it's own sovereign state, just like Cwcville", responded Magi-Chan. "Not many people have heard of it, but...I believe it'll offer us sanctuary. The mayor won't follow us there. He may act all-powerful, but outside of his city he's as impotent as they come".

Silvana stared back at Magi-Chan. "We're going to run?" she asked. "But...what about the Sweetheart Slayer? Aren't you going to find him and bring him to justice?"

Magi-Chan looked back at her somberly. He looked as if he had given this some thought. "I don't condone the Slayer, whoever he or she may be", he said. "But there's no point now in continuing my search for them now. I have offered my solution to the problem, and the mayor has chosen to ignore it. I only wish the mayor rethinks this strategy before this Slayer strikes again. If they follow us to Ohio, I'll be ready for them. And when they strike, I'll make sure they do not escape". Magi-Chan clenched his fist, reliving the memory of his finding Silvana bleeding on the floor of the old Fanta warehouse. He realized how foolish that look made him seem, however, and lowered his arm quickly. Silvana couldn't help but giggle, to which Magi-Chan cleared his throat to regain composure. This was one of the mayor's many mannerisms that Magi-Chan had subconsciously adopted, back when he was still in Magi-Chan's eye a respectable figure. Magi-Chan knew he needed to curb this bad habit. He continued to Silvana. "Besides...of we catch the Slayer, the mayor would simply make me execute them...cruelly. The justice system of Cwcville is flawed. Do you remember the Asperpedia four?"

Silvana nodded her head, remembering and so Magi-Chan spoke, his head heavy with regret. "I remember destroying so many lives that day...I pulled out psychic evidence at the trial...I knew it was illegal to do so, forbidden...but I did it anyway. For the mayor. For Wild." Magi-Chan swallowed, closing his eyes. "Sandy...I molded her into a killing machine, driven by vengeance...seeking bloody justice for a mother she never knew. I...let this happen. I took a young girl's childhood away from her...taught her that killing is natural. From that day forward, I could not believe what I had done. I...peered into Wild's mind once. I knew it was forbidden, but I had to know...how does he cope? Knowing he had helped ruin so many lives...and I found a strong sense of honor. He truly believes, at least on a conscious level, that the mayor knows the right decision...and, right or wrong, Wild would march into the grave for his mayor. It was admirable...but I pitied him. He had been driven to kill for a sense of misplaced honor...and had dragged his family down the same grim path". Magi-Chan took a deep breath, and opened his eyes. "That's when I decided to keep following my mayor...but I swore I would never again use my powers to kill for him".

Magi-Chan turned, to the surprise of Silvana. "I know you're there", he barked. "Show yourself". In response, Wild Sonichu stepped into the ward, a nonplussed look on his face. Magi-Chan frowned. "How much did you hear?" he asked.

Wild sighed sadly. "Your powers of detection have grown weak, friend", he said. "You really need some sleep. For your sake...and for hers. And to answer your question, I've been here long enough".

Magi-Chan reflexively moved his leg back into a defensive stance. "So...are you here to stop us?" he asked. In response, Wild raised an arm reassuringly.

"Far from it, friend", he replied. "The mayor hasn't told me to track you, only to stop you from interfering in our affairs. I have neither the orders nor the desire to stop you from leaving Cwcville. I'm here to warn you. Bubbles and I have made one hell of a discovery. Whomever tried to kill Silvana...it wasn't the Sweetheart Slayer. We believe the Slayer sticks to some...guidelines, shall we say? And your Silvana doesn't fit those guidelines. Look...I just want you to be careful, alright?" Wild began to walk away, before stopping shortly. "I always knew you read my mind, friend", he said. "I forgive you. For what it's worth, I have trouble coping, too...but I know that running away solves nothing. You need to just live with yourself". With these words, Wild was out of sight. Magi-Chan relaxed, and turned back to Silvana. Silvana looked at him through squinted eyes.

"Magi-Chan?", she asked in a daze. "I feel kinda sleepy...". Magi-Chan could see it, as her eyes flickered. Magi-Chan knew how she felt. He guessed it was the morphine just kicking in. He was about to concur with her, when he found his eyesight going, too. Must be the loss of sleep, he thought, feeling his head bob. Watching as Silvana's head hit the pillow, Magi-Chan felt his eyes close. It was then, through the corner of his eye, he noticed a vent in the corner of the room. Nothing too odd, he thought, until he noticed that the vent appeared to be...swaying? As if..."Ohhh....no....." came his final thoughts before losing consciousness. "Not...gas..."

Magi-Chan awoke, his eyes drawn to the digital clock on Silvana's bedside table. Two hours had passed. Magi-Chan turned to Silvana. He wanted to tell her something was wrong. He wanted to say that they weren't safe...but wasn't prepared for what he saw. Silvana's pillow was left over the top of her face. The edges were pressed until they were paper-thin. In shock, Magi-Chan slapped the pillow away from Silvana's face. She looked like a sleeping angel, but Magi-Chan had no time to appreciate that. He checked for breathing, to find nothing. His hands shaking, he pressed the emergency button to call a doctor, at the same time shouting back from the ward. "Help...SOMEONE HELP!!" Taking Silvana's wrist, he felt no pulse. Magi-Chan turned, looking for help that never came. He tried to administer CPR clumsily, trying to get Silvana to breathe again. He tried time and time again, not wanting to give up. Finally, it all seemed too futile to Magi-Chan. Silvana's body lay lifeless in front of him. Magi-Chan broke down into tears, clenching both his fists before screaming in anguish. He held Silvana's lifeless hand for what seemed like an eternity until the doctors finally arrived, gently pulling Magi-Chan away so that they could examine Silvana, and see if they could determine an accurate time of death.

---

Wes stirred, restlessly. These reconnaissance missions were mostly pointless, the mayor and his cronies all adored routine, and upholding the status quo. As far as Wes was concerned, they already knew everything they needed to know, and the situation called for action to be taken, posthaste. His fire powers were honed well, thanks in no small part to the mentoring of Miss Walsh, herself an expert in all things magic. It would be so easy to just fry that fat tub of lard in the mayor's office to a crisp.The Coalition had the mayor's office on the ropes, what were they waiting for? Were they seriously expecting that pig-headed buffoon to step down? He wouldn't know a threat if he was staring down the barrel of a...

"Wes! You still with us?", snapped Mypoe. Wes let out a slight gasp, his daydream interrupted. "Yeah...I'm here", he replied. The apartment seemed an ideal choice for a stake-out. Inconspicuous, in a security camera blind-spot, and yet still acting as a good vantage point for several locations throughout Cwcville. The mayor's office was notoriously bad at spotting false names, so purchase had gone through without a hitch, backed by the Coalition's financial support. The leader had many fingers in pies, shifting products, acquiring shares, and plus he had one hell of a poker face. If anyone could bring economical growth to Cwcville, he was the man for the job. Wes looked back to Punchy, the second cripple Wes had as a mentor. Getting him from the base to the apartment wasn't easy, even without the citywide search for the "missing" member of the Chaotic Combo, but they had managed it. Personally, Wes would have preferred Sammy to have led the stake-out, but this idea was vetoed in favor of choosing someone who knew the movements of the city's inhabitants better. "Yo, Lord Nelson!" shouted Wes. "Can we move in yet? I'm getting kinda antsy".

Punchy said not a word, keeping his view fixed on Magi-Chan and pressing the telescope to his eye. Magi-Chan was attending the burial of his beloved, Punchy could see, with only the minister for company. Silvana, it seemed, was not popular in life. Punchy didn't think too highly of his two escorts. They were too headstrong, and saw the movement only for its personal gain. Fresh talk coming from the new boy, he thought, but he stuck to his guns. They would learn, he thought. Just lead by example. We've cast the first stone. All we can do now is wait.

"..Unto Almighty God we commend the soul of our sister departed, and we commit her body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; may her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace", finished Reverend Blazebob, closing his bible with a melancholy tone. Magi-Chan took a handful of dirt, sprinkling it on Silvana's casket, before taking a step back. He let a single tear fall down his cheek, before turning to the minister. "Mister Blazebob..." began Magi-Chan, visually uncomfortable. "Does God have a divine plan for everyone?"

Blazebob looked back at Magi-Chan, somewhat taken aback. "I, too, have pondered this", he responded. "I imagine that the Almighty moves in ways far too mysterious for mere mortals to comprehend". Magi-Chan frowned. Blazebob could tell right away that he did not appreciate this answer.

"That actually makes a lot of sense", scoffed Magi-Chan. "I sure as hell - pardon my language - cannot comprehend why someone like Silvana, cursed from birth, loved by no-one, manipulated by cruel father...taken away when it seemed like she had a glimmer of hope...I...just can't..." Blazebob put a hand on Magi-Chan's shoulder, comforting. He had seen outbursts like this all too often, and it saddened him. Whilst it was true that religion had turned many people to make negative choices, in the right hands it could be used to better people, and steer them to an enriching life. Blazebob felt that he had seen the light, and wished to share it with all those who would listen. He felt at peace upon finding the church...a peace he had not known since his trainer and friend Panda had been alive.

"I understand that you may feel...disappointed with God", said Blazebob, trying hard to say the right words. "This is a natural part of the grieving process. I experienced something similar to what you're experiencing right now. I won't preach to you, I understand that this is neither the time, nor the place. But know that if you ever need guidance, or just want to find somewhere welcoming, our doors shall always be open to you, friend".

Magi-Chan looked up at Blazebob. He nodded. "You're a good man, Mister Blazebob", he said. "And I appreciate the help. I knew someone once...she should take a few pages from your book, if you'll forgive the wording. God be with you...am I saying it right?"

Blazebob moved his hands in the sign of the cross. "And also with you", he responded, turning to oversee the backfill of the grave. Magi-Chan looked up at Samuel Memorial Parish Church, and paused. "Screw it", he muttered, walking in through the large, imposing doors. He found the place empty, but preferred it that way. It gave him time to truly see if this thing worked as good as he thought it would. He found a modest pew, and took his place in it, kneeling and closing his eyes. He didn't know quite how this sort of thing worked, so he just thought back to Silvana. How tragic her life was...how shameful that her life got taken from her so soon...how he would give anything for just one more day with her...

"Praying to God, are we?", an eerily robotic voice asked. "How the mighty have fallen. Tell me...how does it feel to be on your knees in times like this? So alone, so frightened? So...impotent?" Magi-Chan instinctively put his hands to his temples, rising to his feet. "Oh, don't bother", came the voice. "You won't be able to detect me. Besides, all I want is a little co-operation".

"You're the Slayer?", asked Magi-Chan, unsure of where he should look; the sound seemed to come from everywhere. "You're a monster. Why should I do anything you ask of me?". A chuckle echoed throughout the church. It chilled Magi-Chan.

"What I want is what you want, my dear Magi-Chan. You want Silvana's killer? I can lead you to them", proposed the voice. "When you find them, you may do whatever you wish".

Magi-Chan's jaw dropped. He looked around, staring at all the iconography. He could see them glaring back at him, judging him, and realized that he was considering the offer, here of all places. "Suppose I believe you, Slayer", shouted Magi-Chan. "What do you gain from this?"

There came a long, uncomfortable silence. "The system cannot win", said the voice, almost as if in a trance. "That is my mantra. I intended to send a message to Cwcville, and this copycat killer is ruining that message completely. The love between Silvana and you was pure. Without intervention. Forbidden", stressed the voice, stretching out the last word. "You were to be a shining example of the type of fate I wish Cwcville's citizens to embrace. That is to say, no fate. Instinct alone. Away from a lifestyle that chooses one's life from the moment of birth".

Magi-Chan shook his head. "You're insane", he growled. "You kill innocent people in the name of freedom? You're nothing but a terrorist!" Another chilling chuckle rang out, this one louder. "Am I really so different from the mayor? He rules with an iron fist, all who dare oppose him, even on the grounds of common sense, are silenced. You can choose to agree with my theory or not. Irregardless...go to the ruins of the Sonichu Site Filing Facility. You will find a soda machine in the rubble. Don't worry, appearances can deceive, it still works. Order yourself an orange Fanta. You will find Silvana's killer in there. The rest is up to you."

Magi-Chan called out to the voice. He had more questions that needed answering. Who were they? How did they know who killed Silvana? But he received no response. He sighed, and exited the church to an immediate shock. Sonichu was at Silvana's grave, his foot pressed down onto the back of Blazebob's head. Sonichu was forcing Blazebob into the soft soil whilst screaming at him in a threatening manner.

"...what, do I need to be dressed as a goddamn altar boy before you'll tell me? Oh, don't worry, 'father', I promise not to tell the news", mocked Sonichu. His foot raised slightly, and Blazebob came up for air, gasping.

"I'm telling you, I don't know where he went!", screamed Blazebob. Sonichu smirked sadistically at this, tutting and waggling his finger. "Wrong answer, 'father'", he retorted, pushing Blazebob's face back in the dirt.

"Hey, I'm right here, asshole!", yelled Magi-Chan, furious that Sonichu would go so far as to torture a peaceful man of God. Sonichu turned to Magi-Chan, and rushed over to him, his face a mask of pure rage. His hand was sparking with all of the electricity he had stored up.

"You son of a bitch", spat Sonichu. "What have you done with them? Where are they!?" Before Magi-Chan could react, Sonichu had punched him hard around the side of the face. Magi-Chan lay stunned at Sonichu's speed. "Sonichu, for the love of God, what the hell are you babbling about?", demanded Magi-Chan.

Sonichu grabbed Magi-Chan by the throat, lifting him up and slamming him into the wall of the church. "My Rosey...My kids. They're gone", he spoke softly, raising his voice almost immediately. "THEY'RE GONE! I know you had something to do with it, you bastard. You've held a grudge against me from the very beginning."

"Sonichu!" cried out Blazebob, his face caked in dirt. "Please...be calm...this is holy ground. You cannot..." Sonichu turned with a murderous look in his eye to Blazebob. "You want some, t..."

In a purple flash and with a loud crack, Magi-Chan disappeared from Sonichu's grip. Sonichu looked to where Magi-Chan had been, only to hear another two cracks in quick succession come from behind him. He spun around to find that Blazebob had also vanished. Sonichu bared his teeth, and yelled out to the heavens. "YOU CAN'T RUN FROM ME, YOU BIG PURPLE FAGGOT! IF YOU'VE DONE ANYTHING TO ROSEY OR MY KIDS, YOU'LL BEG ME TO KILL YOU!!"

Back in the apartment, Punchy backed away from the telescope. Mypoe and Wes stared at him, flabbergasted. "You saw WHAT!?" asked Mypoe. Punchy took a deep breath. "This could either be very bad...or the luckiest break we've had yet", he said.

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Spoiler

"Bloody 'ell, Bob! Who did this to you, mate?" asked Chloe, stood in the doorway to her apartment in shock. Her brother had grazes all over his head, and was being attended to by one of the mayor's assistants, who in turn was holding an ice pack to his cheek. Blazebob looked back at her.

"It...was nothing, Chloe." he responded. "An understandable reaction to the endangerment of ones family. I don't hold it against him". Chloe raised an eyebrow at this. Ever since Blazebob found religion...it had been nothing but beneficial to him. He had been happier, his drinking had stopped, and that spring had returned to his step. Still...she worried about him being a wimp. This was, after all, the boy who had been a star forward for their home Aussie rules football team back home. Still...she preferred this Blazebob. He reminded her of the brother she once knew. Magi-Chan turned back to Chloe.

"Sonichu", he said, provoking a frustrated exhalation from Chloe. "He was interrogating your brother, trying to find me. Rosechu and the children are missing, and he thinks I did it".

"So, he goes and tortures a priest?" asked Chloe incredulously. "That bloody wanker...if I see him next, I'll take his head and shove it down the bleedin' dunny!"

Blazbob chuckled at this. His sister always had been protective of him, even back at school. "Chloe, how many times do I have to tell you; I'm not a priest".

Chloe relaxed, returning a chuckle of her own. "At least one more time...father", she replied. "But still, want I should press charges? I can sue the bloke for every cent he's worth if you wanted me to, bruv".

Magi-Chan saw Chloe's professionalism return to her. Looking at her and listening to her speak on any normal day, it was difficult to see her as anything more than a fiery, but loyal, party animal with a lovably brattish attitude and an infectious laugh. However, dressed in that suit she donned now, standing tall, she was a fine representative for Snyder & Blaziken, Cwcville's premier law firm. In court she spoke with confidence, and had a fine head for facts, living by Miguel de Cervantes famous saying "Facts are the enemy of 'truth'", exposing the flaws in suspects arguments with gusto. Blazebob smiled, and shook his head.

"That won't be necessary", he replied. "I just received a couple of cuts, grazes, bruises...money can't heal those wounds, only time will". Chloe let out a sigh, and her jovial personality returned in a heartbeat.

"Well...what do you know? I'm relieved" she said. "Got so much going on right now. Boss is riding my arse so hard you'd think it'd have a saddle attached" she joked, making both Magi-Chan and Blazebob chuckle. However, Magi-Chan soon stopped. He turned to Blazebob, serious look on his face.

"Mister Blazebob..." he began. "Have you ever...taken a life?". An uncomfortable silence gripped the room. Blazebob's smile had faded, and Chloe's look of shock returned. "Bob...you don't have to say nothin'..." Chloe began.

"No...no, I need to confront my demons every now and again" said Blazebob with a heavy heart. He sighed, and turned to Magi-Chan. "During the siege...I was helping to put out the fires all throughout Cwcville. A lone Janecop...she stumbled upon us. I guess she got seperated from her squad or something. She looked at us with a wild glint in her eye, and demanded we surrender. I...couldn't help but think of our trainer...burning to death as a result of people like this." Blazebob wiped a tear from his eye, and continued, voice wavering. "Before I could stop myself...I had lost control of the fire...it engulfed her...I could hear her screams, her appeals to my merciful side...but all I could think of was avenging my trainer, letting her know how it felt. She...the Janecop...died a painful death because of me. It was only later that I found out that all of these Jerkops and Janecops...were hypnotized. Acting under the will of someone else...innocent. I murdered an innocent woman".

Rising to his feet, Blazebob walked over to the fireplace, on which several photos were proudly displayed. One of which showed his ascension into preaching at the Samuel Memorial Church. He continued; "I entered a downward spiral, finding comfort in drink...fighting...seeking out chaos to drown out the screams of that woman...and Panda. But then I found God." He sighed, placing the photo back down. "I know it's too late for me...but I can at least preach to others. Let them know that vengeance simply does not work. I thought I could use ignorance as an excuse...but...that simply won't do. There is always something you never know".

Magi-Chan nodded. "Thank you, Mister Blazebob", he said. He rose to his feet, and headed for the door. He found himself stopping to Blazebob's comforting tone. "When you find your beloved's killer....what will you do?" asked Blazebob. Magi-Chan paused. "I don't know", he replied. "But...I understand your words. I'm not looking for vengeance. All I'm looking for are answers". With this, Magi-Chan left the apartment, head held low.

Meanwhile...

Blake heard the shrill beep of his microwave, and responded to it swiftly, pulling a hot bowl full of soup out. He felt groggy, the past couple of days being rough on him. Since he left Bubbles, it was clear he had come out a little worse for wear...but stuck to his guns. There was no point in sticking around waiting to get killed, and he sure as hell wasn't about to swallow a handful of pills like Lolisa and Jamsta. He took his soup, and stumbled into the living room. What he saw shocked him.

"Hello, Blake" said Punchy, seated in Blake's favorite barcalounger. He was clad in a heavy black raincoat, and a bandanna covered his burnt head. In his single arm he held a lit cigarette, occasionally bringing it to his lips for a hard drag. Surrounding him, staring at Blake like goddamned Stepford children, were Wes Iseli, Mypoe, and Megagi LaSkunk.

"Punchy..." Blake stammered. "How...how did you get..."

"You give me too much credit", responded Punchy nonchalantly. "You were so out of it a child could have come in unnoticed.", He took a final drag of his cigarette before taking it out, and crushing it in his hand, wincing only slightly to the burn. He flicked the remains of the cigarette to a corner of the room, and produced another. He nodded to Wes, who simply snapped his fingers, causing a small jet of flame to come out and light Punchy's new smoke. Punchy took a drag, and continued. "We found Miss LaSkunk sleeping on the park bench, too proud to check into one of those silly soup hotels...trust me, when the new mayor takes over, those will be the first to go...but I digress. She tells me the mayor's office had a little...falling out, shall we say?"

Megagi nodded back at Blake, who cleared his throat. "Yeah...uhh...the mayor wanted to force couples to stick together in spite of the Slayer...I thought that idea was stupid, so I left his service...Punchy, what happened to you?" asked a confused Blake.

Punchy responded matter-of-factly: "I died", with a shrug.

Feeling awkward, Blake paused. "Huh..." he said, looking around, not sure where to settle his eyes. "How...was it?" he asked, if only to try impotently to ease the tension.

Punchy thought for a second, before replying. "It wasn't too bad...kind of an eye-opener, actually."

Blake nervously chuckled, provoking Punchy to raise his single scorched eyebrow at him. "Something amuse you?" he asked with a veiled threat. Blake became flustered.

"I...thought you were cracking a joke", he replied. Punchy nodded, as if to say he understood Blake's reasoning. "Oh", he said. "I see. Well, I'm afraid I don't crack too many jokes these days. See, I realized the world itself is enough of a joke. You see this?" he asked, producing a telegram from his coat. "This telegram was sent to me by the mayor. It was setting me up on a date with Angelica, mere hours after I had seen my Layla's burnt, unrecognisable body inches from my face. He wanted me to start dating, posthaste. And to someone who had looked at me in the state I am now with a simple 'don't worry, be happy' message. I wanted to rip that smile right off of that bitch's God. Damned. Face." Punchy took a deep breath, with yet another drag. "But I'm getting sidetracked", he said. "I came here with an offer. Join the coalition. We have big plans, see. We wanted to murder the mayor and be done with it, but this whole 'civil war' thing you guys have got us to thinking maybe we should wait and see how many more members of the mayor's office get picked off in the wake of the Slayer. Join us, and we will make sure you'll be well rewarded for your efforts against..."

"Hold up", interrupted Blake. "I just saved my ass from the Slayer, and now you want me to risk the wrath of the mayor? I got my own life to worry about!" he cried in protest.

Mypoe approached Blake with a card. "I really must implore you to reconsider", said Punchy. "This card will tell you what you need to do should you change your min..." being once again interrupted by Blake taking the card and ripping it with a series of motions. Punchy paused. "Well..." he said. "On a lighter note, I guess I can now collect". Mypoe and Wes reached into their pockets, pulling out wads of cash and handing them to Punchy, who stuffed them into his coat.

"Wait, what are you..." asked Blake, whose eyes then grew in realization. "You were betting *against* me joining? And yet you came here anyway?"

"Yes", said Punchy, again matter-of-factly. "See, unlike you, I make an effort in what I do. But you know what? I argued against you joining, initially. And here's why...you disgust me".

Blake stood stunned. Punchy continued, his face a blank mask of contempt. "You see, you have taken the path of least resistance your whole life. You played turncoat to your own surrogate father, all because you felt you were on the losing side. You went along with the mayor's plan to pair you off, quitting only when it looked like your own pathetic life was in danger. I didn't see you at the funeral of Miss Silvana, either. I thought you two were intimate at one point?"

Blake protested. "I thought she was someone else! I was being misled!" Provoking a disapproving shake of the head from Punchy.

"Always making excuses, Blake. I should kill you right here, right now." Punchy produced a handgun from his coat, prompting Blake's vision to go blurry, feeling himself break out in a cold sweat.

"P-Punchy!" he croaked. "N-no...don't...." Blake was cut off by the dry pop of the gun. His eyes slammed shut as he felt his life flash before his eyes. He opened them to see Punchy's smoking gun, feeling a searing pain on his cheek. He felt it, to find the bullet had merely grazed the side of his face, embedding itself in the doorframe behind him.

"...But I feel it's far crueller to let you live", continued Punchy. "I want you to live long enough to look into the mirror and see the cowardly, apathetic waste of life staring back at you. I want you to feel worthless. You won't see us again". Punchy rose, and headed to the exit. Megagi spoke up.

"What if he reports to the mayor?", she asked. Punchy hardly broke his stride, as if Megagi was asking about the weather. "He won't", responded Punchy. "He knows the mayor would only rope him in to help him in the fight. No. He'll stay right here. He doesn't want to be a target of the mayor...and he damn sure won't make himself one for the Coalition".

With that, the four left Blake's apartment. Blake sank to the floor, shaking in a daze.

---

Wild let out a gasp in exertion. His vine network covering the building had drained him somewhat, and the fact that he had spent so much time awake trying to track the movements of the Slayer hadn't helped. Bubbles raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. All things considered, this was the best option. She just hoped the team could pull itself together for the sake of the mission. The objectives were twofold: prevent the assassination of Zelina Rosechu, and capture the Slayer. Whomever this killer was, they were resourceful, and they would certainly anticipate this kind of strategy by the Combo.

Darkbind finished his kata exercises, sheathing his sword. The waiting agitated him. Wild had attempted to assure him that this was all in aid of protecting Zelina, but to him it felt like his beloved was being used as bait to catch the Slayer. He looked over at Zelina, and she didn't seem fazed in the slightest. Years of etiquette lessons had taught Zelina to maintain a stiff upper lip at all times. Right now, even though her life was in danger, one could be forgiven for thinking that today was just another boring day. Still, this couldn't put Darkbind's fears to rest. He knew deep down inside Zelina must feel conflicted and as scared as he felt. He turned to Wild.

"This bloody Slayer be damned, sir", he said with an air of authority. "If th'art certain that my Zelina shan't survive the night without intervention then why not keep her in protective custody? Thy prisons shall surely provide adequate protection against any foe..."

"One shan't reduce oneself to cowering in such an undignified location", interrupted Zelina, not even blinking. "I trust in thou, and the honorable vassals of Cwcville, and whomever carries the Slayer mantle shan't hope to intimidate one".

Bubbles shot a confused glance to Zelina. "'Kay, I don't speak whatever goddamn language you're speakin', sister, but I'm guessing you ain't taking this threat seriously."

Zelina sniffed, turning her nose up. "One cannot comprehend the mindset of a simple plebeian, to which one means no offense to thou", she scoffed. "One has faced many tribulations throughout one's life, and the threat of termination from a lowly ne'er-do-well does not concern one as much as some of one's former affairs".

Bubbles could not help but laugh at Zelina's speech. "Wild, is this prissy little brat pissing you off as much as she's pissing me off?" Suddenly, Darkbind unsheathed his sword, pointing it at Bubbles in a menacing manner, his eyes narrowed.

"Still thy tongue!" he barked. "Th'art in the presence of royalty! T'would benefit thou greatly should thy words be chosen carefully". Bubbles responded with a blank look and a crude gesture thrown in Darkbind's direction. Wild held up his hand to silence the both of them.

"Guys...remember why we're doing this", he said. "We need to protect the next target of the Slayer, and we need to capture the Slayer...to make sure the citizens of Cwcville can rest easy. Please...we've seen enough fights amongst ourselves, I don't want to see another".

Darkbind nodded, and sheathed his sword, kneeling in repentance to Bubbles, who looked unsure of what to do. "Yeah...It's cool...I'm sorry, too" she said awkwardly. The room grew silent again. Zelina sighed.

"One needs to excuse oneself for private matters", she said, rising from her velvet throne. The throne looked out of place in the penthouse suite; kitschy, almost tacky; but Zelina had insisted on it, amongst other relics from RuleCwc such as coats of armor, paintings, and bearskins. The end result was gave a rather bizarre museum-esque quality to the whole apartment.

"Look, if you mean you need to use the shitter, I need to go with you", said Bubbles. Zelina glared at Bubbles, prompting her to throw her hands up defensively. "Don't give me that look! This wouldn't be the first assassination attempt we've experienced that happened whilst someone was dropping a deuce, we need to take every precaution necessary. If it makes you feel better, I'll look away".

Zelina paused, then sighed hautily, shaking her head. She left the living room, Bubbles following her. Darkbind continued his sword exercises, focused. Wild looked at him in wonderment. "She means a lot to you, doesn't she?" he asked. Darkbind didn't break his stride, swinging away.

"Never before have I failed her", he said. "And I don't intend to now. I'm sure thou would do similar for thy beloved". Wild stood stunned.

"Who, Bubbles?" he asked. "No...she's not my 'beloved'. We're just squadmates. She's just come out of a long-term relationship, I...still can't think about my Simonla...besides, she's like a little sister to me. It...just wouldn't feel right".

"Perhaps", stated Darkbind. "However, I am sure she would say otherwise should I pose the same question to her". Darkbind looked back at Wild with a knowing glance. Wild gave a half-smile back and opened his mouth to say something. However, he was cut off.

The room shook violently as a large thud rocked the building. Wild and Darkbind stumbled to their feet, instinctively realizing what just happened. They rushed into the bathroom of the suite, finding a large hole in the wall, showing an opening to the outside. Wild saw Bubbles lying amongst the rubble, dirtied and bruised but otherwise unharmed. "Damn..." she said. "Let my...guard down". Wild looked back up at the hole. There, carrying an unconscious Zelina in his arms, hovering several stories in the air, was the terrifying form of Metal Sonichu. Darkbind rushed forward, brandishing his sword, but it was too late. Metal Sonichu fired up his boosters, flying away. Darkbind leaped through the hole fruitlessly, finding nothing but thin air. He felt himself begin to fall...

Quick as a flash, Darkbind felt several vines wrap around him, breaking his fall. With a grunt, Wild started pulling Darkbind upwards. "This doesn't make any sense", he stated through clenched teeth. "Why would Metal Sonichu capture Zelina...the Slayer's just murdered everyone else on the spot so far! Someone's pulling his strings...I know it..."

Bubbles emerged from the rubble, reaching for her walkie-talkie. "Angelica", she commanded. "Metal Sonichu has the package. Track him now, and if I hear you say anything about God or Jesus, so help me I will NAIL your GODDAMN WINGS TO THE WALL!"

Meanwhile...

Sonichu took another swig of whiskey, aiming a knife at a photo of Magi-Chan he had pinned to a dartboard. He threw the knife, and it stuck right to Magi-Chan's eye. Sonichu chuckled sadistically, feeling his grin fade when he heard the phone ring. He answered it. "Who the hell is this", he asked aggressively. "...You're goddamn right I'm upset! Wouldn't you be, pal? ...How do you...who...you don't say. Alright...you have my attention."

---

"Son", chuckled Sammy, as he applied more polish to his boot. "You truly are one in a million. I send you out to dig up a little information, and you come back with a brand new coalition member who knows the mayor's office inside and out". Punchy stared back humorlessly, leaning against the wall. He exahaled softly to himself.

"I interrogated another...but could not convince him to serve the cause, sir", he said dutifully. While it was true that the Coalition held no structure of superiority per se, and Punchy's fighting prowess arguably surpassed Sammy's own, Punchy still insisted on addressing Sammy as 'sir', a sentiment that Sammy felt unnecessary, but appreciated none-the-less. Sammy hesitated on his polishing, but only briefly, returning shortly afterwards.

"I see..." said Sammy, his smile quickly vanishing. "I guess not everyone in Cwcville can see sense. Did you eliminate him?"

Punchy shook his head. "I saw no point. He was a mere shadow of his former self. He's played turncoat to every organization to which he's played a part...he's someone else's problem now". Punchy took a few steps forward, approaching his mentor. "Sir..." he asked. "Do you have a dream?"

Sammy looked up at Punchy, his face blank. A slow smile formed on his face. "A dream?" he asked, bemused. "I have no dream. Not that I have anything against dreamers...but to me, a dream is something one wants that seems so far away. And what I want...I get. So I stopped having dreams...and started having objectives for the day. And you? Obviously you have some kinda dream, otherwise you wouldn't ask. So...what is it?"

Punchy paused in thought, as if pondering how to word his answer. "What I want", he began, "is to become strong enough to beat God to death with my own fist". Sammy raised his eyebrows, impressed.

"That...is some dream", he said eventually, before returning to polishing his boots. The two were interrupted by Jason, who burst into the room with a print-out. He seemed exhausted, as if he had waited so long for a breakthrough like this.

"Our spy satellites..." he began. "They found something...something that may help our cause". He pushed the print-out into Sammy's chest. Sammy took it with one swift motion, and then began nodding with a grin spreading across his face. Punchy peered over at the print-out, noticing a figure carrying an unconscious body across the Cwcville skyline, seemingly propelled with rockets on his feet. He had the same shape as someone he used to know, and his metal body shone brightly in the moonlight...

Meanwhile...

Rosechu gasped back into consciousness, seeing nothing but total blackness. She couldn't move her body, feeling herself strapped into a chair. Her heart raced as she began to panic, but felt no words coming out. Her thoughts were interrupted, as she heard some very familiar voices...

"Mommy! Mommy! Help me! Save me!", came the voices. Rosechu felt dizzy all of a sudden, and her skin suddenly became very cold. The voices belonged to her three children. They echoed all thoughout the room, penetrating her eardrums like arrows with all that they implied. She let out a barely audible whimper, wishing to tell them something, anything. That she would come for them, that all would be okay...but no sound came out.

"Shut up!" came a rather shrill voice, slamming what sounded like three metallic doors, muffling her babies' screams and pleas for help. "Maybe a time-out would do you brats good". The voice sounded familiar...somehow. A dull clanking echoed throughout the room, and the familiar voice continued. "So, did our captive finally see sense?"

A hollow voice responded back. "Mission accomplished with minimal resistance". The familiar voice sighed in relief. "Good, good", it said. "Report back to your post, and get ready for phase 2. This has to go like clockwork".

"Affirmative", the hollow voice responded. Rosechu heard the same dull clanking, getting quieter and quieter until she couldn't hear anything anymore.

"I see you're awake" said the voice, startling Rosechu. "Look, just do what we want, don't give me no lip, and no-one has to get hurt, 'kay?". It was at this point Rosechu noticed the voice felt gruff, as if dead inside. Whomever was doing this was doing this because they felt they had to...as if out of a sick sense of duty to a cause.

"You're...the Slayer!" said Rosechu, disappointed that her first words to her captor were so empty.

The voice snorted in amusement. "If that's what you want to call me", it said. Rosechu struggled against her bonds, trying to get free. Her maternal instinct was at its highest; she had to get free, her babies depended on her. This Slayer would kill all of them if it meant further serving the goal. Her efforts fruitless, she began to think quickly, and decided to try to reason with the Slayer, if only to buy some time. "Please...who are you?" she asked.

Rosechu could hear the figure approach her, and in a flash her eyes were exposed to unnatural light as a hood was pulled off of her head. She was in a cavern-esque place, with electronic equipment set up. It was dank, and constructed in a rather amateur fashion, save for three brass cylinders leaning across the walls...To Rosechu's horror, she saw that they were kilns, and that her babies were inside. The figure was tall, female, with brown hair. She was clad in jeans...and a familiar polo shirt.

"Y'all should know me by now..." she said. "My name is Crystal Weston Chander".

---

His sensors idle, Metal Sonichu stood outside the detention area. His AI was truly advanced for its time, it allowed him many opportunities to analyze each situation to which he was assign, learn from his mistakes, and scan an opponent's movements to find weaknesses to exploit in a matter of seconds. However, there came with this many downsides. He required several memory wipes every so often in order to prevent the acquisition of independent thought. This, his creators had warned, would be disastrous. Unfortunately, Crystal hadn't been privy to this information, and thus Metal Sonichu's metallic mind began to wander.

He recalled utilizing his boosters to reach earth from the moon. He had awaited the day when the moon's revolution and proximity to the earth allowed for optimal travel conditions in order to reach his destination safely. This had its risks, of course, but he felt that the rewards paid off. By the time he had reached the earth, landing amidst the ruins of the Sonichu Site Filing Facility, he was a wreck. His sensors shut down the moment his body hit the floor in a sickening crash. His chassis was iced over, and nearly torn to ribbons from debris, but his final thought process was that of relief. The next recollection he had was being constructed in a lab, hidden deep in the refurbished Facility, hidden deep underground. Mistress Crystal had given him his grim orders. Go to locations, capture individuals, plant explosives...he had his reservations. Why should he take so many lives? Why should he bow to the whims of this individual? Was there a purpose? Did it aid him in any way? Surely there must be some way he could be better used...surely...

"Hey, metalhead!" came a voice. Metal Sonichu's sensors fired up immediately. He scanned the area and his electronic voice barked out "Targets ac..."

What happened next happened so quickly. Metal Sonichu felt a vine wrap around his neck, pulling him down to the floor. He saw his target, Wild Sonichu, continue to place his fist down onto the ground, forming several vines to shoot from the floor and spread to the four corners of the hallway. The vines each shot towards Metal Sonichu, wrapping around his metallic limbs, and then pulling tight. It was here that Metal Sonichu noticed another target, Bubbles Rosechu, pointing a palm at the floor beneath him. Analysis brought to light the fact that Bubbles had manipulated the moisture in the room to form a puddle beneath Metal Sonichu, in anticipation of...something to which Metal Sonichu had insufficient data.

"Got anything to say to me, you clanking sumbitch?", asked Bubbles, threateningly. Metal Sonichu accessed his memory banks for an appropriate response to the veiled threat. "Jesus...wept", he responded, prompting Bubbles to laugh slightly in confusion.

"Whatever you say, bub", she whispered, raising two fingers skyward. The puddle beneath Metal Sonichu crystalized, and suddenly shot up in an icy stalagmite, piercing Metal Sonichu's metal body and ripping him limb from limb. The metallic parts bounced off the walls, and oil was leaking everywhere. Darkbind and Angelica rushed in, joining the other two in a rush.

"This must be the place", said Wild, motioning to the door that Metal Sonichu was guarding. Before he could say anything, Darkbind raced ahead, kicking down the door to the detention area. What they saw in there chilled them to the bone.

The room was nondescript, save for a large monitor on the wall. It was small, cramped almost, and as each hedgehog filed slowly into the room, their eyes were drawn to the sole inhabitant.

Zelina Rosechu lay on the floor, clutching a pistol in her hand that had been recently fired. Her eyes were closed, and she seemed almost peaceful, dignified, if it weren't for one thing: there was a large bullet hole at the side of her head, the exit wound leaking out her brains over the white floor. Darkbind dropped his sword, and knelt beside her, weeping. All at once, the monitor in the room flickered to life. Zelina's form appeared on the monitor, appearing as she always did, with a stiff upper lip and regal gaze. She spoke to a stunned audience.

"My name is Zelina Rosechu", she said. "And I have a rather large confession to make. I am the so-called Sweetheart Slayer of Cwcville. The idea...came to me soon after I was awakened from my infernal sleep. I was greeted by a world where love had been diminished in favor of meaningless coital relationships. These were celebrated by a corrupt mayor and his sycophantic followers. There was nothing I could do, but attempt to dissuade others. The only way I could do that, it seemed, was through murder. But...it appears not even the threat of death is enough to allow the world to revert to how it once was...and so I am forced to take the easy way out. If I may say a word to my beloved, Darkbind...do not allow yourself to become what the mayor wishes to you to be". With these words, Zelina closed her eyes, bringing a pistol up to the side of her head, and pulling the trigger. The room flinched as the dry pop echoed throughout the room...and then the recording grew silent.

Wild was the first to speak. "There are...still areas of the facility we have yet to clear...they may give us more insight into Zelina's...act".

Darkbind took Zelina's still-warm body in his arms, and rose to his feet. "Then go, sir. Explore to thy heart's content. I have my own duty". He walked past the group, carrying Zelina, either oblivious or uncaring to her blood dripping out to the floor. "She is a royal...and deserves a royal burial. I must...see to this. Do as thou wish."

Meanwhile...

Watching the security footage from her location, Rosechu glared at Crystal. "You bitch!", she spat. "You made her say that! You must've!"

Arms folded, Crystal sat at a security panel, pushing several buttons in order to allow the next phase of the plan to come together. "Well observed", she said. "It didn't take much in terms of persuasion. All we had to do was assure Darkbind's safety if she complied, otherwise...well....all I can say is she soon came to our own way of thinking".

Rosechu could feel herself shaking with fury. "You used her love against her!!!" she shouted, prompting an uncomfortable silence in the room. Crystal got up, and placed a hand onto Rosechu condescendingly.

"Anyone's love can be used against them, my dear", she said. "Nobody is immune to that. The system cannot win".

Rosechu looked up at Crystal, whose eyes seemed...sad, almost. There was still some humanity left in her, Rosechu felt. "Crystal..." she said "It this about the mayor?"

Crystal paused, taken back by this question. She said nothing, assuring Rosechu that she was on the right path. "He tried every day to get you out of the mirror world, you know", continued Rosechu. "He was tearing himself apart with worry about you....it must have been frightening being in the nightmarish realm...but we're here for you, we..."

Crystal suddenly produced a remote, pushing the button. Rosechu felt a strong surge of electrical current rush through her body. She screamed in pain as the current kept on rushing until it finally subsided. Crystal approached Rosechu, who gasped in pain. "Two things, Rosey", she said. "First, don't think for a second you can understand what I've been through. And second...don't you DARE mention my brother to me again".

The security console beeped, Crystal turned, and saw that the monitor had picked up another intruder in the facility. Right on schedule...Magi-Chan Sonichu appeared on the grainy monitor, looking around cautiously as he entered the ruins...

---

Magi-Chan looked around. The hallway seemed deserted, and as ruined as the outside. In spite of this, he marched onwards. He could not endorse the Slayer's actions, and wished for justice as much as anyone in Cwcville. Still...they had no reason to lie to him. No reason to lead him into a trap. If they had wanted him dead, they would have done it as simply as they had evaded his senses to kill everyone else. He had found the drinks machine amongst the wreckage, and true enough as soon as he had pressed the appropriate series of buttons he was startled by the unmistakable clank of a heavy iron door. Amidst the debris, an entrance had formed, awaiting his exploration.

And now he was deep in the belly of the beast. "No...there's no need to be paranoid", he thought to himself. "My psychic powers are honed to perfection. If there's anyone here...I'd know about it. I'm sure of it". He found himself at the end of the corridor, facing an apparent dead end. To his amazement, he heard a dull thud, and a panel opened up on the wrecked wall, just large enough for someone to squeeze through. Magi-Chan peered in, and felt his jaw open in astonishment.

He gazed upon a series of hallways, twisting and turning like a labyrinth. They were painted all white, with florescent lighting illuminating the entire facility to produce an ethereal atmosphere. He climbed through the opening...and it closed immediately behind him, leaving no indication that he was there. "Okay...." he thought. "Looks like I'm not going back that way". Magi-Chan stared at the turning corridors, amazed at how nondescript they appeared. It gave off a cold ambience, one that sent a chill up his spine. None-the-less, he patrolled the corridors, searching for the answers he was promised. He noticed an open doorway to his left, and looked inside. It was empty, save for a metal table, a mirror nailed to the wall, and a bookcase filled with what appeared to be manuals for operating machinery. Magi-Chan tutted in frustration, turning back.

He was met with a hard fist to his jaw that sent him back into the room. He struck his head on the metal table hard, but not enough to stun him. He saw another fist fly at him, noting the brass knuckles wrapped around it, and evaded it with a roll before it could hit him. The fist pounded the table with a dissonant clang, and the owner of the fist spun around to face Magi-Chan.

"Well...", he said. "Wish I could say I was surprised to see you here, you goddamn fairy". Magi-Chan stumbled back, feeling his cheek beginning to swell. How did they manage to get the drop on him? Who was...no...

"Sonichu?", asked a dazed Magi-Chan. "How...how did you get here? What are you..." Sonichu dashed forward, throwing another punch at Magi-Chan. This was blocked with a forearm, and for a second Magi-Chan was thankful for the time Punchy had taught him a few martial arts moves, 'just in case'. This relief was short-lived, as Sonichu quickly brought his head down hard onto Magi-Chan's own, sending the purple hedgehog down to the floor. Sonichu raised his fist once more, only to be met with a wave of indigo energy that knocked him across the room, his back hitting the mirror on the wall, smashing it. Magi-Chan kept an open palm on Sonichu, and slowly raised to his feet. Sonichu sneered, and rose. "Lets talk", said Magi-Chan.

"Talk?" asked Sonichu incredulously. "What is there to talk about? I'm going to kill you, you pretentious little shit, and then I'm going to find where you've stashed my wife and kids. Not before I make you beg for your life, of course."

Magi-Chan glared at Sonichu, trying to find the right words for the situation, but only managing a frustrated grunt. He gritted his teeth. "Are you still blaming me for Rosechu's disappearance!?", he shouted. "Think about it for just a second. I was going to leave Cwcville! I have nothing to gain by torturing you!"

Sonichu spat on the floor in disgust. "Don't play dumb with me, faggot" he scoffed. "I know damn well why you're doing this. I didn't truly believe it until I saw you here, and I knew whomever that mystery man was, they weren't lying. 'Go to the ruins of the Sonichu Filing Facility. Behind the cabinet you'll find the entranceway to where you'll find what you deserve'. That's what they said. And now...Now I see what they meant. I get back what's rightfully mine...and I get to rip apart the bastard who took them from me. But I just have one question for you, Magi-Chan."

Magi-Chan's mind raced, and he felt his flesh crawl. Surely...but Sonichu confirmed his fears by finishing his tirade. "How did you know I killed your precious Silvana?"

...

Magi-Chan found himself speechless. He blinked in disbelief. He and Sonichu had their disagreements, but...no...he could not believe this. "You're lying...", he said. "Why...why would you..."

"I think you know damn well why", continued Sonichu. "See, I don't just live a life of leisure. I investigate what doesn't seem right in Cwcville. I've known about Silvana's condition for some time now. And so have you, haven't you, Magi-Chan?"

Magi-Chan's silence was enough to confirm Sonichu's query. He chuckled to himself. "Yeah, I thought so. It's sad, really. You were content to let her scurry around the city like a frightened rat, only to swoop in to save her in her darkest hour, to convince her that it didn't matter if she was a man or not, you love her for who she was inside. Am I right? I am, aren't I? So, when you think about it, which one of us really is pathetic?"

Magi-Chan clenched his fist, feeling his nails dig into his palm, but not even wincing at the pain. "She didn't have to die..." he growled. "We were going to be happy...I would take her away from all this..."

Sonichu paused, and then laughed. Long, and loud. "Do you know where you are, 'friend'?" he asked. "This is the True Lovers' City of Cwcville! We don't tolerate homo love here. And it's worse if you flee. To the other cities it would seem like living in Cwcville sissified you. I had to kill her. I had to preserve my father's vision! Don't you see? All this bullshit about the 'system cannot win', and you're too blind to see that THE SYSTEM MADE THIS CITY GREAT!".

Magi-Chan felt his palm bleed, but continued to maintain a calm façade, though he could feel his voice crack. "But how...I should have sensed you..."

Sonichu snorted. "Should you have?", he asked. "Don't forget, you ain't allowed to scan your comrades. It isn't proper, is it? As for how you couldn't have picked up my presence...well, I'll let you in on a little secret". Sonichu pulled back on the quills on his head, revealing a small scar. "Booyah", he stated, proudly. "Anti-telepathy implant. I don't know how it works exactly, Bill takes care of the whole science-y load of bullshit, but what I do know is to the psychic grid, I'm a ghost, man. I can go anywhere I want, and no-one can pick up my presence. That's how I threw that shuriken, that's how I planted that night-night gas, and that's how I was able to pick up that pillow and hold it down over Silvana's beautiful face. She looked like an angel, it only seemed right I should send her where she'd fit in".

His eyes glowing violet, Magi-Chan felt his blood boil. "And how how about if I wanted to snap you in half with my mind, Sonichu?" he roared. "Does your implant stop that?".

Chuckling, Sonichu sighed condescendingly. "No, but it does make my movements impossible to follow, which brings me to my next point". Suddenly, a click, followed by a swift 'woosh' broke the silence. Magi-Chan gasped, and brought his hands to his neck. A small dark was sticking out of it. He quickly pulled the dart out, and raised a hand at Sonichu...only to find nothing happening. Sonichu shook his head, revealing a hole in his glove from where the dart was fired.

"While I was there, I also had Bill find a compound that neutralizes your telekinetic power", he said smugly. "It's temporary, of course, but that's all I need. And do you know the best part?" With this, Sonichu launched a bolt of lightning at Magi-Chan, pinning him to the wall. Sonichu walked up to the metal table, bent from when Magi-Chan had landed on it, and wrenched off a leg. He walked over to Magi-Chan, rubbing the leg at his swollen cheek, before smacking it hard against his face. Magi-Chan hit the floor with a thud, but Sonichu wasn't done yet. Raising the leg above his head, Sonichu brought it down onto Magi-Chan's legs, hitting the kneecaps with devastating force. Magi-Chan's screams in anguish brought a sick smile to Sonichu's face. Finally, Sonichu put a foot onto Magi-Chan's left hand at the fingers, pressing hard until he heard the bones crack, each crack accompanied by a shrill shriek from the tortured hedgehog.

"...It allows me time to have myself a little fun with you, too", whispered Sonichu. "Must suck, feeling this powerless, this...impotent. But you know, this isn't as enjoyable as I'd hoped. Guess it's time for me to finish this, rescue my beloved, and call it a night. Godspeed, homo". Sonichu reached into his sock, unstrapping a handgun from his ankle. He cocked it, and pointed it at Magi-Chan's head. Magi-Chan looked up, and then closed his eyes, his thoughts turning to Silvana, and how he had failed to avenge her...

"Drop. The gun. Now".

Magi-Chan's eyes sprung open, and they turned to the source. There, standing in the doorway, their eyes narrowed at Sonichu, were Wild and Bubbles. Both assuming an aggressive stance. It was here that Magi-Chan noticed for the first time, that Sonichu's smug smile had vanished.

...


Crystal grabbed another dumpling, and took a nonchalant bite. Things certainly were getting interesting. Rosechu had been quiet for a while, so maybe she was seeing things her way, too.

"Crystal..." said a resigned voice. Crystal turned to her captive, who still had her head down, and was still crying silently. "I need to feed my babies. Please let me see them".

Crystal returned to her meal. It was if Rosechu was conversing about the weather. "Can't let you do that", she said. "Your hubby should be finished soon. If he gets here, and sees sense, everything'll be peachy."

Rosechu raised her head, staring at Crystal, who calmly continued eating. Rosechu felt a fire rise in herself. She knew she should be quiet, that shock was the most pain she had ever experienced, and yet..."Crystal", she said coldly. "When my husband gets here, he'll kill you. He'll tell the mayor how you murdered everyone, how you killed the woman who would be his wife. You'll die a disgrace."

In response, Crystal sighed, producing the remote once more. Rosechu's eyes closed as she braced herself. Crystal pressed the button, prompting another surge to rush through Rosechu's body. Rosechu held on for as long as she could, but finally could take it no more, and yelped out in agony. "Done?", asked Crystal. "Good. Now, just relax and enjoy the show".

---

Sonichu kept the pistol aimed squarely at Magi-Chan's head. The arrival of Bubbles and Wild agitated him, although this was only slightly visible. He turned his head to greet them, as if Magi-Chan's broken, kneeling body was not even there.

"Guys, my friends!", he said, conveying a sense of relief. "Look who I found snooping around here! Pretty suspicious, don't you think? Pretty little pad here...would make a great base of operations for the Slayer, wouldn't you say?". Wild looked over at Bubbles, a puzzled look on his face. Bubbles rolled her eyes, and walked over to Sonichu, arms folded.

"Zelina's the Slayer", said Bubbles, matter-of-factly. "We saw the video evidence of that." Sonichu's eyes twitched, and Bubbles raised her hand before Sonichu could say anything. "She's dead. Bullet to her brain, self-inflicted. I don't know what Magi-Chan's doing here, but he's not the Slayer. Now, I'll say it again: drop the gun".

Sonichu faltered, trying to get his head around what he just heard. Eventually, he shook his head. "No...", he replied. "No, you're wrong...alright, so what...so what if she's the Slayer. What about Silvana? Slayer didn't kill the bitch...don't you think it's suspicious that the first on the scene was Magi-Chan here? And when they found her, life drained out and all, he was there all alone with her corpse. I'm just putting two and two together here!"

Magi-Chan let out a single chuckle, spitting blood from his mouth as he did. His broken fingers twitched from the pain, and the swelling on his cheek was beginning to cover a single eye. "You'd pin my beloved's death on me?", he managed. "You'd lie to your only comrades who haven't yet walked out on you...you really are a disgrace, Sonichu."

Sonichu's response to Magi-Chan's lip was simple and immediate. With one motion, Sonichu whipped Magi-Chan around the side of his head sending his broken body crashing to the floor. Looking back at the others' disapproving looks, Sonichu raised his hands up innocently.

"What?", he asked petulantly. "Excuse me for defending myself against the murderous psychic. Look, just let me kill the bastard before he can regain his powers, and we can all go home heroes. Two birds, one stone and all that...."

"Wait", came a voice. Wild stepped into the room, eyebrow raised. "Sonichu...there's something I'd like to ask you before you do anything...how did you know Silvana wasn't a victim of the Slayer? We never told you."

Sonichu paused. He felt a twitch in his eye, and looked down at Magi-Chan's broken body. Magi-Chan appeared to be smiling, thinking that he had already won. More than anything, Sonichu wanted to kill that smug bastard Magi-Chan, and that nosy Wild, too. No...that wouldn't look right, even to the mayor. Keep calm, he repeated in his mind. Keep calm...he shrugged, and turned to face Wild.

"Isn't it obvious?", Sonichu responded nonchalantly. "Magi-Chan told me here. He got the upper hand in our battle, and thought to taunt me with that fact. A confident move...but ultimately foolish, wouldn't you say?"

"He's lying!", coughed Magi-Chan. "He murdered Silvana...did it for some sick sense of duty to the mayor and his image". Sonichu raised the gun once more, looking for another pistol whip, but decided against it, opting to stay frosty. He chuckled patronizingly.

"Come on, guys!", he said. "Who are you going to believe? Me, the mayor's most trusted and loyal soldier? Or the hedgehog who chose to secede, do things his way?"

Bubbles glared at Sonichu, unfazed. "That doesn't matter", she replied. "What matters is, you're abusing your power right now. You're showing brutality to someone who, as far as we can see, ain't fighting back. If he killed Silvana, we need to put him on trial. You're a lot of things, Sonichu, but you ain't Cwcville's judge, jury and executioner. Now, for the last time...put down the gun".

Sonichu's smile faded. He looked at the two hedgehogs, then at his gun, and finally at Magi-Chan, who was trying to crawl back to his feet, one-handed. Sonichu sighed, and lowered his gun. What happened next caught the room by surprise. Sonichu suddenly raised the gun, pointing it directly at the downed Magi-Chan, sporting a look of uncaring malice. "Sonichu...NO!" cried out Wild...and then came the gunshot. And then the room fell silent.

Sonichu's eyes showed bewilderment as Wild felt his flesh grow cold. Standing in front of Sonichu, grasping the gun with both hands, Bubbles stood, as if oblivious to the gaping wound in her chest. Her grip on the gun eased, however, and she let out a quiet gasp. "God...dammit", she whispered. "Wasn't...fast...enough..." With these words, Bubbles Rosechu slumped to the floor.

"BUBBLES!!!", screamed Wild, rushing to her side. "Oh, god. Oh, please. No. Please, no, you have to stay with me. Please! Don't do this! Don't..." He couldn't find the words. His usual calm demeanour was shattered, replaced with a frantic individual, helpless before a dying friend. Bubbles' glazing eyes looking up, and she displayed a half-smirk, raising her hand and stroking Wild's face.

"Heh..." she croaked. "You're...crying. That's...not good. You...should never cry. You're...the leader...remember? Don't cry...for me...Nothing wrong...with me...I'm just cold. Is all...just..." Bubbles hand dropped from Wild's cheek, and her head fell back, blood trickling from a corner of her mouth.

Sonichu stared at the scene that lay before him. He stared at his gun, the gun that had just taken the life of his colleague...but snapped out of his daze just as swiftly as he had entered it. He once again pointed the gun at Magi-Chan, pulling the trigger once more. Suddenly, Sonichu gasped in a mixture of amazement and terror. Magi-Chan held a single hand up. The bullet had hit his open palm, and was stuck in the middle, leaving a small dark red wound where the tip had penetrated Magi-Chan's flesh. "No...that should have gone right through your hand!", Sonichu barked, firing the gun once more. And again. And again. Each time, Magi-Chan clenched his hand, and each bullet slowed down dramatically, dropping to the floor in front of the rising purple hedgehog, who glared at Sonichu with purple glowing eyes. Sonichu kept pulling the trigger, until he was horrified by the sound of the gun clicking, signalling its emptiness and, by extension, uselessness.

"Wild?", he said nervously. "Little help?". Wild looked up from Bubble's lifeless body. He spoke in a hollow voice. "You killed her..." he said. "You killed Bubbles!"

Sonichu grunted in frantic frustration. "Yeah, okay", he said, irritated. "Whoops! My bad! I'll get my daddy to name a day after her or something. Now can we *PLEASE* focus on MY PROBLEM?"

Wild took Bubbles in his arms, similar how he had seen Darkbind carry the fallen Zelina, and walked to the exit, not looking back. "'Your problem' is right, Sonichu. Magi-Chan...I...wish you well. Please...do whatever you need to do". Magi-Chan nodded as Wild walked from sight. Sonichu could feel himself break out into a cold sweat as he saw Magi-Chan approach him, fire in his eyes.

"Look...I know we've had our differences, you and me..." said Sonichu, forcing a nervous smile, and stepping backwards. "But...you know, you've shown me how much of a bastard I've been. Why don't I turn myself in? Hell, not just for Bubbles, I'll confess to Silvana, too! I'll be locked away, you'll never have to see me again!"

Magi-Chan paused. He remembered Blazebob's words. He remembered the pointlessness of revenge...how killing only led to more killing. He thought of Rosechu, and Sonichu's kids...he thought of the mayor, losing the only one he called his "son"...and he thought of Silvana once more. Magi-Chan sighed, and stopped advancing. He noticed Sonichu sigh in relief, too. However, Sonichu, noting Magi-Chan's guard was down, smirked. Pulling a knife from the back of his glove, he pounced at Magi-Chan, aiming for his neck...before stopping.

Sonichu glanced down, and saw Magi-Chan's fist. Emanating from the fist, a purple blade of light extended outwards. the blade had punctured Sonichu at his abdomen...and had impaled him right through his back. Without saying a word, Magi-Chan relaxed. The blade vanished, and Sonichu's body dropped to the floor like a ragdoll. Magi-Chan took one look at the body, before hobbling out. He was in a lot of pain, he had seen a good friend die, and put down an irredeemable animal...but he had found the answers that he sought.

---

Crystal gazed at Sonichu's lifeless body on the monitor, and without a word, turned to face a heartbroken Rosechu, too stunned to speak, only staring at the monitor with tears dripping down her cheek, her lip trembling. Crystal tilted her head to the side.

"You love him, don't you?" she asked. Rosechu clenched her teeth, and forced herself to nod. Crystal rose from her chair, and walked over to Rosechu, kneeling before her, and grabbing her chin, bringing her to eye level. With a glare, Crystal spoke again. "He treated you like shit", she spat "He's a murderer...he shirks his duties as Cwcville's protector...and he would hijack a cause to further his own selfish goals...and you still love him?"

Rosechu, shaking with rage, spoke back. "More than life itself", she said. "He's the father to my children, he's the man of the house...he always makes sure I have everything I need. Crystal, what the hell do you know about love?!" Rosechu suddenly yelled. "You used to admire your brother! You used to look out for him! What happened? Did you get jealous? Jealous of that Lovely Weather woman? Is that why you killed her...because she took away what you could never have? That's not love, that's called being a possessive psychotic BITCH!"

Crystal shook her head solemnly, producing the remote and once again pushing the button. Rosechu felt the familiar current rush up her body, but something strange happened. She cried out in pain, but accompanied her cries with defiant screams. "IS THIS THE BEST YOU CAN DO, YOU BITCH?", yelled Rosechu. "YOU CAN'T ANSWER ME, SO YOU TORTURE ME TO SHUT ME UP! WELL GUESS WHAT? IT WON'T WORK! YOU CAN'T RUN FROM YOUR PROBLEMS..."

Without a word, Crystal kicked Rosechu, sending her crashing back, the chair smashing on impact, freeing Rosechu from her bounds. Rosechu lay in the wreckage, hardly moving. Crystal approached her confidently. "I thought I told you never to mention..."

Crystal's words got cut off as Rosechu grabbed at a piece of the wrecked chair, swinging it at Crystal's ankle. Crystal gasped in surprise as she dropped to one knee, leaving an opening for Rosechu to capitalize with a knee to Crystal's face. Looking around, Rosechu noted a fire axe case, and smashed the glass without hesitation. With the axe in hand, Rosechu turned her attention to the downed Crystal, who regarded Rosechu with hate, rather than fear.

"You're making a big mistake, Rosey", she growled. "You don't want to do this!". In response, Rosechu let out a roar, hating Crystal for endangering her babies, for murdering her friends, and for luring her husband to his death. The axe came down onto Crystal's head, implanting itself into her skull. Rosechu lifted the axe, which left its mark with a sickening squelch, and then continued to hack at Crystal's body. Time and time again the axe came down until Crystal's once-unmarked face was completely unrecognisable. Rosechu gasped in exhaustion, and dropped the axe once her bloody work was over. However, she was disturbed by a beeping noise. Confused, she walked over to Crystal's corpse, the source of the noise, lifting her sweater. Rosechu then let out a gasp in horror. Attached to Crystal's body, a miniature heart monitor beeped. Wires connected to it, running deep underneath Crystal's skin in a horrific display. Soon, the monitor flatlined, and the noise served as a deadly trigger.

A clank echoed throughout the room, and the three kilns sprung to life. Rosechu's eyes grew in terror as she saw smoke rise from each kiln, hearing her babies cry out in pain as she could hear them being roasted alive. She pounded at the doors, tried swinging the axe at them, but nothing could budge them, The screams soon grew silent, and only a disgusting stench filled the room, the smell of burning flesh and fur. Rosechu dropped to her knees, and whimpered. Her head seemed heavy and light at the same time, and without feeling a thing, she fainted onto the floor.

...

Rosechu stirred, and her eyes lazily opened. She was still in the room, looking at Crystal's mutilated body across from her. All at once, she remembered. The smell still served as a grisly reminder, and Rosechu wept for her loved ones. She didn't know what to do...she was all alone...all alone in...

A large monitor in the center of the display suddenly sprang to life. The same monitor that had shown Zelina's forced confession. Rosechu stared in confusion at the figure on the screen. It...was Crystal. She was tied to a chair, much like the one Rosechu was bound to, and appeared distraught. Off camera, someone else was taunting her.

"Do you love your brother?", the figure asked, voice distorted with some sort of electronic device.

Crystal sniffed as she wept. "Yes...", she somberly answered.

"Even despite all he has done?", continued the figure. "He left you in a mirror world, he abandoned you so that he may pursue meaningless relationships and force his ridiculous rules throughout the city?" Crystal nodded, and the figure laughed in response. "Tell me...how much do you love your brother?"

Crystal stared at the figure, and narrowed her eyes. "I would die for him", she said defiantly. Once more, the figure laughed.

"We shall see. I've got a few plans for you. Do as I say...and I guarantee you that your brother won't come to any harm".

All at once, Rosechu understood. She remembered all of the things Crystal was saying...

"Don't think for a second you understand what I've been through..."

"Anyone's love can be used against them, my dear. No-one is immune..."

"All we had to do was assure Darkbind's safety if she complied..."

"...you still love him?"

"You don't want to do this!"

"All *we* had to do..."

Rosechu's thoughts were interrupted as she heard the door to one of the kilns ominously open. Turning her head, Rosechu watched as an unharmed figure emerged from the kiln, approaching her with a smug smile spread across her face.

"Hello, mother", said Cerah Rosechu.

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Spoiler

"Cerah...", gasped Rosechu. "You...how did..."

Cerah chuckled, shaking her head in a condescending manner. She strode over to her battered and bruised mother, her skin marked from all of the times she was shocked by Crystal. With a stumpy arm, Cerah stroked at Rosechu's cheek. There was something very strange about her...she moved more confidently, in spite of her miniscule frame.

"Please, mother", she smirked. "Don't be so naive. Surely even you can see why I was kept alive." Rosechu shook her head in disbelief, tears flying from her face.

"No...", she croaked. "No, it can't be right. You...you weren't brainwashed by Crystal, were you? Brainwashed into...into killing all those people". In response, Cerah's eyes grew large, and she burst out into laughter, her eyes wide with a maniacal stare.

"Crystal?", she asked incredulously. "That fool? Quite the contrary. All I had to do was convince her of the mayor's safety if she helped me with a little list I prepared. I told her it would be as simple as how I'd captured her. Hmm...deja vu?"

Still chuckling, Cerah marched over to Crystal's corpse, running her arm over the axe wound in her dead skull, examining the matter with an intense curiosity. "Of course", she continued. "I couldn't have done it had I not known about father's...exploits, shall we say. Did you know before he went to Bill for that implant he experimented with various different types of helmet? Once he had it fitted, he threw all the prototypes in the garbage. I was only too happy to relieve them. And it was pure luck that I managed to find that android that crashed just outside here...or maybe it was divine intervention. After all...the system cannot win".

Rosechu looked at the beast that was once her sweet little girl. "But...why?" she asked. "Why kill so many people? What were you trying to prove!?"

Cerah glared back at her mother with such intensity that Rosechu instinctively backed away. "Prove?", repeated Cerah. "When I came into this world, I looked around, and I saw injustice everywhere. I was only going to be forced into a system where I would be known as nothing more than an ideal girlfriend, and a perfect wife. I was being taught to cook and clean, whilst my now-late brother was being taught to play inane computer games and quote drivel from the television. And you...you and your contributions to this system...you and your posing naked for all to see! Do you know how Christine interpreted that? Do you!?"

Rosechu's bottom lip quivered. She had never once heard her daughter speak with such venom. Cerah spat on the floor in disgust. "I'll tell you", she continued. "She measured her self-worth by how sexual she appeared. She...at such a tender young age...followed in your footsteps, mother. She allowed herself...to be exploited by strange men...whilst you and father were out of the house. She took pride in not being a virgin...you CORRUPTED her into thinking that her virginity was shameful...I did her a favor by roasting her alive. It would be nothing compared to the hell she would have lived if I had let her live. And Robbie...dear, sweet Robbie...he worshipped his father like a hero. Father, who killed and abused to his sick heart's content...it was only a matter of time before Robbie walked the same dark path."

Rosechu closed her eyes, and suddenly shouted back at Cerah. "WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE!?" she screamed. "You murdered people...people whose only crime was following the mayor's plan...and enjoying it!! People who benefited!! You...you're far worse..."

Cerah barely batted an eyelid to this. "Am I really so bad?" she asked. "Yes, I killed people who were just...'following orders', so to speak. But, don't forget, Crystal was simply 'following orders', too. And, well...we know how you dealt with her. If I recall correctly, you had disarmed her, she was completely at your mercy, and you murdered her anyway. And thus...you could have stopped the killing of your other children at any time. But sadly...well, you are just too predictable".

Rosechu slumped, and whimpered as she openly wept. "No..." she said. "No, I...I couldn't have."

Cerah tutted, striding back over to her mother, and holding her head in her arms in a hug. She shushed her, and stroked at her mother's hair. "It's alright, mother", she said. "I think I've made my point clear to all those in Cwcville. There will be a change, soon...and I am the catalyst that started everything. But...as for me, I simply cannot stay in this world much longer. My plan is complete. There's nothing left for me to do now but clear any trace of my involvement. Sadly, that means you too, Mother".

Rosechu tried to say something, but all she could manage in her grief was a short squeak. Cerah shushed her once more, and started to sing. The same song that Rosechu had sung to her many times to get her to sleep.

"#Sleep well, mother.
Though it is cold outside, it's warm in here....
Sleep well, mother.
For you won't come to harm whilst I am near...
Lay your weary head down,
and dream of happy days.
Think of my love for you,
and you can blow your blues away...
Sleep well, mother...
Sleep well..."

Still stroking at her mother's hair, Cerah smiled for one last time, and pointed a remote at the computer console, pushing the single button.

...

Leaving a bloody trail all throughout the white corridor, a lone figure crawled forward, gritting his teeth and cursing under his breath.

"Goddamn faggot", sneered Sonichu to himself. "Too stupid to finish me off. Wouldn't expect any less from someone like him. Too dependent on his psychic powers...I'll see him dead. Him and that self-righteous Wild. I'll get Daddy to order their execution by torture, and I'll enjoy every second of it. Maybe I'll start by..."

Sonichu's thoughts were interrupted by a loud explosion behind him. Glancing back, he saw a giant wall of inferno advancing closer and closer towards him, engulfing everything in its path.

Sonichu closed his eyes and sighed. "Aw, fu...."

...

As Magi-Chan emerged from the entrance to the facility, he heard a loud crash, and the ground shook, knocking him to a prone position. As he did, he managed to avoid a jet of flame wooshing past his ear. Magi-Chan looked back, and heard a series of explosions deep inside the building. Scrambling to his feet, Magi-Chan ran. He heard the facility start to crumble under the weight of itself. A final explosion sent Magi-Chan flying off of his feet, landing face first in the dirt, bruised, but otherwise unharmed. As he heard the ringing in his ears start to subside, he glanced upwards.

A group of people stared down at him. Magi-Chan recognised some of them. Megagi, Wes, Jason Howell, Mary Lee Walsh, confined to a wheelchair...and Punchy, who stood in front of them all. He looked so...different, and not just from the lack of an eye and arm. Extending a single hand to Magi-Chan, Punchy leant forward, not saying a word, letting his position imply everything.

All at once, Magi-Chan understood. He took Punchy's hand, and rose to his feet. Punchy nodded, and motioned to a helicopter waiting for them all. Magi-Chan took a deep breath, and walked over to it, ready for his new life to begin.


EPILOGUE


Wild stared at Bubbles' empty locker. In his hand, he held Zapina's nametag. He was tasked with the duty of assigning the lockers to the new members of the Chaotic Combo: Bionic, Darkbind and Zapina. The mayor had been heartbroken to hear of his son's accidental death once the Slayer's base mysteriously exploded, but had reassured himself that all they needed to do was move on. Wild looked on at the locker, and couldn't help but chuckle. He had let another woman that he loved die...and now he was being entrusted with the safety of a 14 year old girl, thrust into the role of the city's protector. He threw the nametag down in disgust, and punched at the locker, biting his lip in rage.

...

"Punchy, sir!", Jason cried, rushing over to Punchy's dorm. Punchy dropped his single dumbbell, and turned to face Jason, cigarette placed between his lips.

"What is it?", he asked, annoyed.

"Brace yourself", replied Jason. "Our scouts recovered some real interesting pieces of salvage from the wreckage of the facility complex". Jason placed two objects on Punchy's workbench, beaming.

Punchy walked over to inspect the objects. They consisted of a clawed robotic arm...and a single bionic eye.

...

Blake downed another shot, turning to the bartender and signalling for another. The bartender tutted, rolling his eyes. "Sweetie, don't you think you've had enough?", he said.

"Mitch, I don't pay you for your lip, I pay you for that life-affirming nectar. Now, do it", responded Blake miserably. Mitch complied with a sigh, turning to the news story on the television.

"Shame about the Sonichu family", he said. "All wiped out...they say it was the Slayer's final shot against the mayor."

Blake snorted, and formed a half-smile. "Hey, Mitch?" he asked. "You want to hear something funny? Right now, the closest the mayor has to a son is...well...me. And I haven't heard from the mayor at all. Not since he banished me for disagreeing with his stupid idea. Ain't that the funniest shit you ever heard"

Mitch rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, sweetie", he said, returning to polishing his glasses.

...

Blazebob closed his apartment door behind him, and plopped himself down onto his favorite armchair. He took a newspaper from the nearby coffee table, and started to survey it. Chloe, already lain across the sofa clad in her work clothes; sans jacket, which she had discarded, yawned and stretched.

"Oi, bruv", she said. "Me and this cute boy from the office need the apartment for a while tonight. Wishin' no disrespect, would it be alright if you...y'know...sod off for a coupla hours?" she giggled with a wink.

Blazebob looked at Chloe with an embarrassed smile. "Just don't do anything...or anyone...you'll regret, sis", he said. Chloe looked to the side, and then cleared her throat.

"Bruv?" she asked. "Do you get the feeling something...well...really bad is about to happen?"

Blazebob paused. "I...have my faith", he responded. "And sometimes...faith is all you need".

...


Magi-Chan looked out at Silvana's grave. He hated that he could only view it from afar, away from the city limits, but for now it would have to do. He was disturbed by a presence, but to his relief found that it was only Megagi.

"Hey", he said, concerned. "When all this is over...we can never return to a happy carefree life, can we? I mean...it will be better, once the new mayor takes over...but we'll always carry the mental scars, won't we?"

Megagi shrugged at this. "I always assumed that was the price of victory or something. So...you ready for it?

Magi-Chan turned from Silvana's grave to the imposing Cwcville city skyline. "The system cannot win..." he whispered, shaking his head. "Let's never lose sight of our goal. We're fighting a monster...and the one thing we don't want is to become monsters ourselves".

Megagi patted Magi-Chan on the shoulder, and the two headed back to the bunker. Somewhere in the city, a mayor stared out, happy that at least all the dissidence in the city had been quashed forever.

How very wrong he was.

Cold Hearts

Spoiler

COLD HEARTS

Emerging from the burning vehicle, a lone figure hobbled forward, tripping over the weight of a numb leg. He stumbled into a lamppost, long since inactive, and gazed back at the wreckage. He was a tall gentleman in his late 40s, dressed in a once-pristine suit that had become tattered and torn. The man took a step forward, before grunting in agony. The adrenaline of the crash had distracted him from what became a searing pain in his abdomen. He felt at the source of the pain, and inspected his hand, finding blood.

"Shit...", grumbled the man. This would prove to be something of a setback. He could seek medical attention...no...not in this city. Not now. He could be caught in the crossfire, come across someone who wanted him dead...what really mattered was delivering his message, nothing else. Maybe it was by chance, but he knew of a shelter only a few blocks from where he had crashed...there was no time to waste.

Dragging his useless leg behind him, the man kept on going, fuelled by an intense sense of purpose. The city roasted around him. Gunshots echoed throughout the city, and the occasional explosion rocked its very foundations. Suddenly, the man stopped. Ahead of him, someone...a Rosechu, although which one he simply couldn't say, was on the ground, screaming in pain. She had been caught in some kind of explosion, and the man was impressed that she was still alive. Below the Rosechu's waist...was nothing but a slowly leaking crevice, her limbs separated from her body. She looked up at the man, eyes almost completely glazed over. "Please..." she gasped. "Help...please help".

The man knelt by her, and shushed her gently. "Please...just relax" he said in a fatherly tone. He took her head in his hands, and the Rosechu closed her eyes, feeling a sense of comfort. With one quick movement, the man took the Rosechu's head, and cranked it hard to the side, hearing a loud crack as he did. He moved his arms in the sign of the cross, and continued on his way. There was nothing anyone could have done for her...but at least now she was out of her misery.

Finally, the man reached his destination. It was an old abandoned bar, "Grisby's". The man reached into his breast pocket, producing a set of keys, and dragged himself over to the cellar outside of the bar. He turned the key in the lock, and opened up the doors, closing them behind him as he descended down a long series of stone steps.

The place was just as he left it. He always had a contingency plan. The video camera was still pointed at the large plush chair in the corner, and the man managed to get himself to it. He pushed a button on a tiny remote attached to the cellar key, and the camera whirred to life. The man clutched at his wound, trying to estimate how long he could hold out for...but decided it no longer mattered anymore. He would tell his recipient what they needed to know, by hook or by crook.

"My name...", began the man. "...is Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc...senior. I am otherwise known as Giovanni, the leader of the syndicate Team Rocket. I have...killed many people. Even before this ghastly revolution. I implore the viewer of this recording not necessarily to condone my actions, but to understand my motivations. I...had a son. He was murdered by a psychopath, although sometimes I wonder if my actions had indirectly led to his death".

Giovanni paused. He swallowed, hoping to maintain a dignified manner, although inside he was screaming. "The science department of my company was working on a permanent solution to the problems posed by the homosexuality vaccine...we could have found a way for my boy to live his life without constant injections...constant fear for his life...but the mayor's office vetoed the idea in favor of inventions that suited the needs of a madman. So...we complied, on the promise that our research was only put on a temporary hiatus. Three months later, and I saw my only child dead. That's when I decided to find another solution".

Giovanni reached around his neck, pulling an unusual pendant out. "The catalyst...", Giovanni muttered. "Our work needs to be completed. Everyone else that knew about the project is either dead or aligned with the people who can't be trusted. That's why..."

A crash from upstairs interrupted Giovanni's speech, followed by footsteps rushing down the stone steps. Rising from his chair, Giovanni turned to face the intruder. He breathed a sigh of relief. "You..." he said. "Thank God. I thought you were...no matter. You want this, don't you? Take it. I'm already dead. But before you do, I'd like you to listen to a proposal. One that would suit as all..."

---

ONE MONTH EARLIER

Bryan opened up his third bottle of Reeb for the night, and sighed contentedly. He liked this feeling. No sense of urgency, no worries for the future, no entitlement whores ruining his day. Just sharing a couple of beers with his adopted brother, just passing the time.

This is how it may have looked to the outside world. However, as far as Bryan was concerned, Willie-Marcus *was* his brother, no ifs ands or buts. The two were certainly an odd couple, to say the least, but that didn't matter to them. Bryan remembered when Willie-Marcus was introduced to the Manajerk family, when both boys were eight. He was a scrawny, sickly boy, with more than a fair share of problems. Having suffered from Hirschprung's disease for some time, Willie-Marcus needed an ileostomy bag at all times, and since the age of six he had been fitted with a pacemaker for his weak heart. Finally, to prevent scoliosis, Willie-Marcus needed a backbrace surgically fused to his spine, to prevent paralysis or death.

Bryan remembered Willie-Marcus' first day at school. A bully was tormenting the poor boy, joking that he was more machine than man, a "robot from the neck down". Two things had happened that day. Firstly, Bryan faced his first suspension from school. Second, the bullies never made fun of Willie-Marcus again, remembering the boy whose teeth had been literally kicked down his throat. Since that day, the brothers were as thick as thieves. As they grew, Bryan became the star college quarterback, and Willie-Marcus graduated Magna Cum Laude. Since leaving home, they made it traditional to meet up at Grisby's every Saturday for a beer or two, just to catch up.

"So, you hear about the mayor's son?" asked Bryan. Willie-Marcus paused, on edge as always. "The hedgehog?", he replied. "Yeah...heard the Sweetheart Slayer trapped him underground and...killed him with some kind of bomb. His whole family....gone in the blink of an eye. Hey...you don't think this has anything to do with..."

Bryan waved his hand dismissively. "No..." he said. "They made it clear that this Slayer was acting alone. And, hey. Don't worry about those guys. It'll die down. It has to."

Bryan took another sip, and stretched. It had been a long day. He checked his Rolex (having never lost a fondness for gold), and downed his beer. "Hey, come on, bro. Only ten minutes left of happy hour, let me get you another..."

The window overlooking the brother's booth smashed inwards, and a figure burst through, knocking Willie-Marcus to the floor. He gasped and turned pale in shock as Bryan, having avoided the attack, shielded his eyes. "BRO!!!" he shouted, heading for his downed brother, and suddenly staring down the barrel of a large handgun. The gun belonged to a sharp-dressed man with a suit and shades, with tidily-combed hair and a tight-lipped expression.

"B. Manajerk", he addressed. "My name is Trebor Capman, and I represent the Coalition. It seems you and your brother don't want to help us out in the upcoming revolution?"

Bryan looked down at his convulsing brother, and swallowed, hoping to resolve the situation calmly, though he could feel himself breaking out in a cold sweat. "Mr. Capman..." he began. "I respectfully refused the offer because I just want a quiet life. I was assured that my decision would not be held against my brother or I. Now please...let me get some medical attention for my brother".

The three heard a wooden thud as the bartender exited the storeroom, brandishing a baseball bat. "Honey, I don't know *what* your problem is, but you had better..." he began, getting cut off when Capman casually fired his pistol, the bullet narrowly missing Mitch's head and shattering a bottle of whiskey behind him. "Okay..." he quietly stated. "Okay, no need for...for that..."

Capman turned the gun back to Bryan, and smirked. "You know, you're right.", he sneered. "The gent did assure you your safety, but I guess he didn't take it personally. I kinda did. If you aren't with us in fighting the good fight, then you may as well be shining the mayor's boots. Now, say goodb...."

Capman's body suddenly jerked several times before his body crashed to the ground, dead. Dazed, Bryan looked down at the body. It had been riddled with several large bullet holes. Instinctively, Bryan turned to the window, but saw no trace of any gunman. The streets, the rooftops, the windows...everywhere was deserted. He shook his head, and turned to his brother, motioning to the bartender.

"Mitch, call 911, get an ambulance and the police! I've got a real bad feeling about this..."

---

Wild slumped in his chair, rubbing at his temples. The very last thing he wanted to hear was something like this. The Slayer was dead, this was supposed to be all over. They couldn't handle something like this. Not so soon after...he bit his lip, trying to remind himself of Bubbles' last words to him. He wanted to be strong. For her, and for the new team. They were brought together so quickly, and none of them were ready to investigate something like this. Zapina was enthusiastic, and trained night and day but...hell, she was still a kid. Bionic seemed okay, but Darkbind had only recently been carrying his dead beloved in his arms moments after the revelation that she had murdered several innocent townsfolk. And Angelica...well, was still being Angelica. A knock at the door startled him, awakening him from his thoughts, but he cleared his throat to regain his composure. "Come in", he responded.

The door opened, and Zapina trotted in, tray of beverages in hand and displaying another one of her trademark coy smiles. Wild had no idea why she did that so often. Was it to relieve tension? Force of habit? Whatever it was, it was unnerving. "I brought you all some coffees!" she said cheerily. Wild rolled his eyes, accepted his mug, and dismissed Zapina to her spot in the meeting room table. "That's right..." he thought. "Got a meeting to host". He looked around at all the faces staring expectedly at him. He felt like shit, and guessed that he probably looked like it, too. Five o'clock shadow around his face, bags under his eyes, quills shaggy and unkempt...but he didn't care.

"Assassination attempt at Grisby's", he said with a tone of authority. "Would-be killer said something about a coalition before trying to kill some reformed PVCC members, getting gunned down by an unknown force. Only clue we have is that the intended victims were approached about joining this coalition by a 'charming Southern gent' weeks before the event". The room became alive with concerned murmurs.

"Art they truly reformed, as thy claim they art?" spoke up Darkbind. "Verily, 'tis mayhaps an ingenious ploy..."

"Now, what would be the point in that?", asked Wild antsily. "Cause a commotion for the sake of, what, intimidation? We all know the mayor's too proud to let something like that affect him." Darkbind returned to his seat, frowning. Bionic cleared his throat.

"So, what do we know about the victim?" he asked. "That could give us a couple of clues..." Wild shook his head as Bionic trailed off.

"Former PVCC member, disappeared off of the face of the earth when they disbanded." Wild responded. "Besides that, nothing." Wild sucked his teeth in thought before speaking. "Search around the crime scene, see if you can find a trace that will lead us to the assassin's killer", he said. "Maybe that'll point us in the right direction. Meeting adjourned."

Angelica looked around in confusion. "But, shouldn't we..." she began, only to find Wild stare daggers at her direction.

"I said...'meeting adjourned'", he whispered in a veiled threat, before storming out. He headed to the locker room, taking another sip from his mug. He looked down at it seeing 'Feeling Vine' written on the side, before chucking the mug on the floor in fury. It wasn't the same without Bubbles. If she was here, she'd tell him to sort his shit out...she'd be his rock once more. He leaned against his locker, and exhaled, to try and calm himself down.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" came a voice, startling Wild. He turned, and saw a figure in the shadows. "When you can't protect the ones you love. Know the feeling."

"How did you...?" asked Wild, to the figure's amusement.

"That's not important right now." it said. "What is important is what's coming. Many people will die, Wild. You and I can stop it all. But I need to know I can trust you."

Wild frowned. "Who are you?" he asked.

The figure stepped out from the shadows. He was a bronze-colored Sonichu, with goggles and a brown cape, drill pendant hanging from his neck.

"Just who in the hell do you think I am!?", he asked.

---

"Is this...how you welcome...all your guests?" asked Simonchu, Wild's vines wrapped around his throat. Though clearly suffocating, Simonchu kept smiling, disturbing Wild greatly.

"You...did you think I forgot!?" demanded Wild, snarling at his prey. "You played a major part in the death of the mother of my child...and now you want me to work with you!? I should kill you where you stand!" With a whir, Simonchu brought his arms crashing down against the vines, ripping them apart effortlessly.

"So why don't you?" he dared. "Is it because deep down you know something seemed off? Do you know why she was killed?" Wild's mouth dropped open in furious shock, he was about to speak...but nothing came out. Simonchu shook his head in response. "Pride?" he asked. "Is that what your mayor taught you? We couldn't have Simonla, so neither could anyone? You are so naive..."

Simonchu strode over to the benches by the lockers, undeterred by Wild's attempt on his life. "Bro...I mean, Evan's last words to me before he was taken away still ring in my ears. He told me...Be not the Sonichu that I believe in. Be the Sonichu that believes in yourself. I...didn't know what that meant for so long. But now I think I finally understand. I ran, Wild. I ran away from your mayor and your twisted executioners, but in the end I think that's what Evan wanted. He was happy, you know? Happy that the crisis had been averted."

Wild frowned. "Crisis?" he repeated. "What the hell are you talking about!?" Simonchu stared at Wild, showing something in his eyes. Fear? Hope? Whatever it was, it brought a chill down Wild's spine.

"The catalyst...the spark...and the base" said Simonchu, almost hypnotically. "Those three elements...Simonla was the only one who knew them all. She had stumbled upon something that...corrupted her. Turned her into a power-hungry madwoman. She hid that as best as she could, but we knew. She was planning to wipe you all out, Wild. So that she could turn herself into a God. We had to put her down before it happened. I...hated myself for so long...but I was finally able to convince myself that it was over, and that the beast we killed was no longer my sister. Only...I believe she may have had a contingency plan. Think, Wild. Was there anything strange that she said to you, or did to you before her passing?"

Wild paused in thought. "Simonchu..." he began. "I...I believe that...*you* believe what you say. But, that doesn't matter. You are still a murderer in Cwcville walls. I promise you that we'll examine the circumstances behind Simonla's death. However, you must be taken into custody."

Simonchu snorted condescendingly. "You're half-right, Wild", he said. In the blink of an eye, Simonchu extended his right arm, the drill on his arm appearing to grow six times its normal size. Wild adopted a defensive stance, but Simonchu instead of attacking rammed the drill down into the floor, vanishing from sight down a long tunnel. Wild rushed over, only to find the tunnel cave in behind Simonchu. In despair, Wild punched a locker, causing it to open. He stared as the locker; his own, he realized; showed a photo of Simonla staring back at him.

"It's not true, baby..." whispered Wild. "Tell me it's just not true..."



Meanwhile...



"SAMMY! REPORT!" bellowed the Leader. The Coalition had been on red alert for the past few hours, trying to eliminate any sense of a paper trail leading back to them. Anything on Capman had been destroyed, anything that could possibly lead him back to the Coalition. Spies had infiltrated Cwcville's boys in blue for this very purpose, and their hard work had been paying off.

Checking his notes, Sammy calmly listed everything off. "Well, sir, as best we can see Capman was acting alone. Could be out of some warped loyalty, could be because the boy didn't want to wait. Whatever the reason, he was given no such order to eliminate the Manajerk brothers".

The Leader nodded, turning to Jason, who was laid back as always, leaning in his plush chair confidently. "And how about our newest project!?" he asked. "What's sort of progress are we making!?"

Jason beamed back proudly at the Leader. "Well, sir", he answered. "Why don't you see for yourself?"

The door to the briefing room opened up, and a figure walked in, accompanied by a thick cloud of smoke. The whole room gasped in amazement as the Punchy took a seat, extinguishing his cigarette in a nearby ashtray. Producing another cigarette from his pack, Sammy instinctively reached for his lighter, only to have Punchy wave back Sammy...whilst still keeping a hand on his cigarette. Producing a lighter of his own, Punchy's metallic arm lit his cigarette, and combed back his dreadlocks, the steel fingers acting so smoothly. With one motion, the arm lifted up Punchy's eyepatch, to another stunned look from the room.

"I must apologize for being so cynical, Jason", said Punchy, as his bionic eye scanned the room sporadically. "This...this feels good".

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Spoiler

Grisby's seemed a lot emptier than before. The attempted assassination had driven away quite a few customers, but Mitch didn't seem to mind. For one thing, there was still customers like Inos who very much enjoyed a little bit of danger (brought a sense of excitement to his otherwise boring life) and Blake, who wouldn't stay away from this place for the world. "'nother Reeb, please Mitch!" cried out Blake jovially. Mitch tutted, shaking his head at Blake whilst smiling. He knew the phases Blake went through with drinking. First he was a fun drunk, then a depressed drunk, then finally an aggressive drunk. Mitch learned to adapt to this, finding convenient times to serve Blake and make sure he didn't get start too many fights with the customers. Whatever happened outside of Grisby's, as far as Mitch was concerned, was someone else's problem.

"Comin' right up, sugar!", sang Mitch, flicking off the bottlecap to the Reeb and sliding it towards Blake's outstretched hand. Blake brought the bottle to his lips, and took a long swig. "Ambrosia..." he said. "Or at least, I hope so. If I get the heaven and they don't serve booze like this, I'm walking to Hell with my head held high!" yelled out Blake, almost losing his balance on the barstool. Mitch couldn't help but chuckle. There was something bothering him, however.

"Honey-bun?", asked Mitch. "I know it's really none of my business, but did you manage to talk to your daddy? I know this was eating you, so..."

An uncomfortable silence filled the bar, as if Mitch had farted in church. Blake took another swig, displaying tight lips and an uncomfortable frown. "He didn't say much", said Blake eventually. "Just...it was nothing personal, but he had dreams of him and his son having fun and enjoying each others' company, and in those dreams, his son wasn't...well...black." Blake licked his top teeth as he nodded in a quiet rage. "I'm not proud, but I got kind of...indignant to that. The mayor just held his hands up and said that it was nothing personal. These were visions from God, and it wasn't up to him, it was up to destiny. Takes a real son-of-a-bitch to pass the buck to God, right?"

Mitch looked away. "I wouldn't know, hun", he lied, remembering his exact thoughts concerning the mayor's stance on homosexuality. Mitch was in the closet, and he knew it. But if he came out, he'd be subject to that terrible vaccine, have his lifespan halved, rely on daily injections to avoid...no, this thing had to pass. Surely not even the mayor could be stubborn enough to overturn a decision that clearly benefited no-one. Mitch felt a tap on his shoulder.

"I'm all tuned up now", came a shy, yet bitter voice. Mitch's eyes lit up, seeing this as an opportunity to break the tension. He nodded, and came out from the bar to the open mic area. He tapped at the mic to grab the attention of the room, before speaking up.

"Ladies and gents, we've got a real treat for you tonight!" announced Mitch. "Fresh off of her tour, I bring you the one, the only, Jiggliami! Live and unplugged!" Jiggliami walked on, accompanied by polite applause. She was dressed in overalls and a checked blouse, far less glamorous than the gowns she was famous for wearing onstage, and was carrying an acoustic guitar.

"Thanks, Mitch!" she said, taking a seat. "Although, if possible, I don't want no-one to mention my tour. Did a lot of stupid things there, just want to start anew with songs from the heart. This one goes out to everyone who's ever done something stupid, with only themselves to blame.

The room went quiet as Jiggliami began to play, solemn riffs echoing across the walls as she sung in a sad twang.

"#I woke up last night,
with a little ringin' in my head.
It was one giant fight before we~
went to bed.

I don't remember what I said,
I just remember the pain.
So, darlin', why bring up
who should get the blame?

Whatever happened to...
planning our lives?
Doesn't seem so long ago,
that we promised to thrive.

Talk of staying so close,
talk of us growing old.
When did these hearts
grow so cold?"

With a final strum, Jiggliami finished her song. She was met with another spatter of polite applause. "Thanks", she said half-heartedly, as she returned to the bar, six-string slung across her back. Awestruck, Blake stared at Jiggliami, mesmerized. Mitch, noticing, began to frown.

"Sweetie, I know what you're thinking, and it's a bad..." he began, but Blake paid no attention, rushing over to an empty stool next to Jiggliami. The singer looked up, and flashed him a tolerant smile.

"You like the song?" she asked, in a tired tone.

"Like it?" asked Blake. "It...spoke to me! It's so different to get a tune like that, y'know?" Jiggliami chuckled, taking another sip from her glass.

"It's crap", she said. "I know I'm not a gifted writer, I just want to distance myself from whatever the hell it was I was singing on my tour. All this sugarpop bullshit...one day I just decided to sit down and write about my own experiences. I know it ain't exactly catchy, but..."

Blake shook his head. "That doesn't matter to me", he said. "As long as you were singing from the heart. It was sad, and beautiful." Blake sat there, and then tutted to himself, as if he just remembered. "Sorry, didn't introduce myself, I'm Blake!"

Jiggliami extended her hand. "I've heard of you", she said. "Ain't you the brother of the guy who gave his life stopping the Slayer?" Blake looked taken back, but continued.

"Well, kinda." he said. "I wasn't that close with him. We had our disagreements before, and never really resolved them...I guess family is family, however."

"True..." agreed Jiggliami, before letting an awkward silence come over the two. "Y'know..." she said. "It's probably just a work in progress. The song, I mean. You obviously relate to it, and I don't exactly have a producer telling me what to sing any more...you want to meet up again sometime? We could...perhaps...bounce a couple ideas around, see if we can't make the song better?"

Blake was speechless, but eventually nodded. "I'd like that...I would." he said. The two shared a smile.

Across from them, a lone figure stood tall on the Cwcville rooftops. With precision and speed they dismantled a large-caliber sniper rifle, placing each part carefully into a suitcase. Tonight was a good night...no-one had to die. Let's only hope it'll stay that way, they thought. Let's only hope they all realize it's for their own good...

---

"Gotta tell you, I expected this place to look a little more..." said Blake, picking up a trophy and examining it carefully. "What's the word? Platinum records on the walls, uhh...collections of stuff". Jiggliami giggled as Blake snapped his fingers, trying to find the mnemonic.

"Tacky?" suggested Jiggliami with a sly smile. Blake returned the smile, embarrassedly. "No, no...glitzy, I guess", he replied, putting the trophy down. The apartment, although large with polished hardwood floors, was cosy, and gave off the impression that its owner preferred simple living to showing off. The bookcases were filled with a mixture of science fiction and thriller books, and were situated next to a comfortable leather lounger and glass lamp. The TV was modestly-sized, with DVD collections standing either side. Blake pulled one out and inspected it. "Amores Perros?" he asked. "What's that about?"

Jiggliami smiled. "My all-time favorite movie", she said. "It's Mexican, the title means something like love's a bitch. You'd love it. It's cynical, yet really beautiful." Blake nodded, returning the DVD to its rightful place.

"I wouldn't have thought you'd enjoy something like that", said Blake. "Your songs...they're all..." Jiggliami giggled once more, and waved her hand dismissively.

"My producer wrote those songs for me and Blanca", she said. "Apparently there's no place for someone to sing if they aren't singing about all the Hallmark goodness of buying shit for your young love, making babies at age 15 so you can buy more shit for them, and so on, and so on, and so on". Jiggliami continued to laugh, but Blake could see a sadness in her eyes.

"Hey...if it's any consolation, I prefer your new stuff" said Blake, putting his arm around her. "I think there's a real niche for it!" Smiling appreciatively, Jiggliami sighed contentedly. A comfortable silence followed. With Blake's arm still around her, Jiggliami turned to him, their eyes meeting, staying there for some time. Blake leaned inwards, Jiggliami following, and their lips touched for the first time. Accompanied only by the sounds of the rain hitting the apartment windows, the two embraced.

...

"Blake...seriously, it's okay", said Jiggliami, concerned. At the foot of the bed, Blake sat with a mixture of self-pity and confusion. "Really...I'm not taking it personally", continued Jiggliami.

"I just don't..." began Blake. "This really doesn't happen!". Looking to her side, Jiggliami moved over to Blake, putting a reassuring arm around him.

"Look", she said. "Maybe we just rushed into it. Maybe there's too much pressure. Whatever, okay? It's fine..." Blake stood up, and stormed away. "Blake, please..." said Jiggliami. "Stay with me. Just because of...that, it doesn't mean we can't spend time with each other."

Blake froze at the door. "Jiggliami", he said. "This isn't personal either. It's just...I need to be alone right now. I've got a lot I need to think about". Without another word, Blake slammed the door, leaving Jiggliami alone in her bedroom.

Stepping outside into the rain, Blake held his head down, heading down the sidewalk for nowhere in particular. The apartment had a nice ocean view, he noticed. Especially in stormy weather such as this, it had such dark beauty. Maybe that's why Jiggliami chose it, he thought. In the distance, he thought he saw a lone Squirtle down on the dock. Popping its head out of its shell, it looked around, opened its mouth in a large gaping yawn, and just as quickly as it had popped out its head, it returned to its shell. "Huh..." said Blake, strangely intrigued. Realizing his thoughts had been interrupted, he kept on walking, wondering where he'd end up, and if he could figure out any answers.

---

"Focus!" barked Punchy. "We can't afford detection. Not now. After tonight, we'll have the mayor's office on the ropes. I know the mayor. He's too fatheaded to admit wrongdoing, much less defeat, but this should be enough to sway the citizens of Cwcville somewhat, and send the mayor's personal guard into confusion". Lighting another cigarette, he inhaled with an immense feeling of satisfaction, as if relieved from pain. "Onto the truck, quickly!"

Wes and Megagi picked up the pace, lifting the crates determinedly and hauling them into the back of the awaiting truck, where Mypoe fidgeted, eyes darting to her sides. Punchy noted Mr. Turdijerk, the newest recruit of the Coalition, mop his brow and rest his hands on his knees, out of breath.

"Is there a problem, Turdijerk?" inquired Punchy facetiously. Turdijerk shook his head hurriedly, and looked up at Punchy.

"Sir, I'm ready and willing to serve the cause", he said dutifully. "But why are we looting this warehouse? What could possibly so important that it would serve the movement so?". In response, Punchy walked over to one of the crates loaded up in the truck, ripping off the top. He grabbed a handful of papers, and thrust them into Turdijerk's nervous face.

"You see these?" he asked. "Each name is the name of a prisoner taken by the mayor, now locked up in Cwcville Penitentiary. Jews. Homosexuals. Communists. Atheists. Each one arrested by the mayor simply for their beliefs. Our Leader intends to release these names, make them public. Make the public eye see how much of a joke the mayor is."

"I get that..." came a voice, revealed to be Wes, as he carelessly chucked another crate into the back of the truck. "But why spare the lives of the guards? Surely if a bootlicker to the mayor is taken out, everyone wins, right?"

Punchy looked over at the unconscious guards, felled by a single punch to the back of the neck. He paused. "We had no reason to harm them", he answered. "For all we know, they were simply brainwashed by the mayors' lies, and may see the light once we reveal his true colors. And if they don't....well, I trust that you can take care of them, am I right?"

"Of...of course!" replied Wes, as Megagi smiled and nodded in affirmation. Punchy watched intently as the last crate was loaded onto the truck.

"Alright, now, let's head back to the base. We need..." began Punchy, cut off when Turdijerk's head suddenly jerked to the side. His body fell down, leaking slowly as it fell, hitting the floor weakly as a crimson stain grew over the floor. Punchy's body sprang into action, as his bionic eye scanned the entry wound at Turdijerk's head.

"The shot was fired from...the second building at three o'clock. Go! I'll see to the sniper!" cried Punchy, rushing forward as Wes and Megagi piled into the truck. Mypoe, not needing to be told twice, shifted the truck in gear and sent it moving swiftly out of the dock, leaving black skidmarks in her wake.

Quicker than a hiccup, Punchy darted ahead to the source of the shots, pressing his metallic arm in preparation. Approaching the side of the building, Punchy flipped forward, hitting the ground with his metallic arm and feeling it spring downward. The force propelled him high up into the air, which would have terrified Punchy if he still remembered what fear felt like, the momentum stopping just after he reached the height of the building where the shots came from. He grabbed the ledge and flipped over to the roof, immediately scanning the area for any sign of the assassin. All he could see was a door slowly close in the wind, but that was proof enough for Punchy. Dashing ahead, he shoved the door open....

A shot rang out, and Punchy fell forward down a single flight of stairs. Cautiously, the Sniper approached Punchy's downed body, holding a smoking handgun. Carefully, they examined Punchy's body. Almost as if on cue, Punchy's metallic hand unfolded, holding a squashed slug in it's grasp. The Sniper's eyes grew wide, but before they knew it, Punchy had sprang to his feet and had wrapped a steel hand around the Sniper's throat, lifting them up off of the ground.

"Not...very...smart." growled Punchy. He prepared to clench his arm and snap the neck of his attacker...but something stopped him. His arm felt unresponsive. Sensing an opportunity, the Sniper kicked Punchy in the chest, causing the red Sonichu to loosen his grip. Free from the chokehold, the Sniper dropped something that caused a smokescreen to engulf the area. Punchy scanned the area as soon as he could, but it was too late. The Sniper had disappeared.

Sighing, Punchy fetched a communicator from his belt. "Assassin was able to evade me", he spoke. "Will rendezvous ASAP. In the meantime, keep on the lookout for an average-sized Sonichu-eque figure clad in black clothing, obscuring their details."

Tapping the communicator, Punchy examined his metallic arm. Why had it hesitated? He would have to speak to Jason, see if he can fix the little tweaks. He was, after all, promised perfection. How else could he bring down the same system that had condemned his beloved to a miserable death? And who was that mysterious figure? Punchy decided these were questions for another time, and set a course for the headquarters of the Coaltion.

---

Sandy's eyelids slowly lowered as her father came to the conclusion of the storybook. "...and so the princess and the woodcutter's son married, and the kingdom became sunny once more. The golden goose continued to lay eggs filled with gold that the family gave away to the poor, and they all lived happily ever after", said Wild sleepily, as he closed the book.

"...love you, Daddy..." said Sandy, as her eyes slowly closed. Wild got up, and headed for the door, switching off the light and looking back at his sleeping daughter.

"I love you too, honey", he said sadly, thinking about all of the chaos that Cwcville had suffered recently. All of the murders, and now Simonchu was warning him about a danger far worse. He couldn't do it...he couldn't investigate Simonla. It would break poor Sandy's heart...but if a danger was coming, perhaps Sandy's life would be in danger once more...

Snapping out of his confusion, Wild headed downstairs. He opened up the drinks cabinet, and poured himself a small glass of bourbon, heading to his most comfortable armchair. Lounging back, he swirled the drink in its glass, staring deeply at the bronze liquid. "Simonla..." he muttered. "Did I know you? Truly know you?". Downing the glass, he sighed. Suddenly, a rap at the window startled him, turning to see Blake Sonichu standing at Wild's window. Confused, Wild rose and opened the window up. "Blake, what the hell are you doing here?" he asked sleepily.

"I...want to talk", he said. "About Bubbles. No-one knew more about her than you. She...she trusted you, man".

Wild said nothing, instead shutting the window, and heading the front door. As Wild opened up, Blake courteously nodded, heading for Wild's front room. Pouring Blake a glass of bourbon, Wild joined him. "Alright", he said. "Let's talk. Got a lot on my mind at the moment, maybe some company is all I need".

Taking a sip, Blake spoke up. "I...met someone tonight", he said. "We were alone at her place and I...couldn't stop thinking about her. About Bubbles, I mean. It felt like I was betraying her somehow. And then...that opened up a gate". Blake took another sip, and continued. "Wild...I never asked...how did Bubbles die? Please...I need to know. You were there with her".

Pausing, Wild looked at Blake. He was bedraggled, he was wild-eyed...Wild couldn't help but pity him. But still, he could not tell the truth to him. Not to anyone. "Slayer killed her", he said. "We were attacked by Metal Sonichu, the Slayer reprogrammed it or something. Before I tore it apart, it got a lucky shot in".

Blake snorted. "No..." he said. "Not to Bubbles. She was too smart for that. She couldn't have been killed by that hunk of trash. Please, tell me the truth, man". Wild sighed, opting to change tactics.

"It...was more than a lucky shot", he said. "Bubbles...she...took the bullet for Magi-Chan. She died so he could live. I'm...sorry to tell you, Blake". Looking straight at Wild, Blake paused, before looking down and shaking his head sadly.

"You're a good person, Wild", said Blake. "I...don't really know what I was looking from you, closure I guess, but I think you gave it to me. Thank you. Really. I'll...show myself out. Thanks for the drink". Hastily rising, Blake headed for the door. Looking at him go, Wild shook his head.

"What am I going to do?" he said out loud. He was startled by a familiar voice.

"Well, for starters you can stop whining. Honestly, you're giving me a headache!" came the voice. Looking around, Wild's eyes came to the mirror hanging above his fireplace. His eyes grew wide as his mouth hung open. "No..." he said. "How...how?"

In the mirror, Bubbles Rosechu looked back at him, smiling her sly smile. "Well, I think it began when you started to lose your mind", she said.

---

"You can't..." stuttered Wild. "You're dead...I saw you die myself!" Bubbles' form in the mirror giggled softly as she stood there, one hand resting on her hip.

"Wild, sweetie", she began. "It's no use arguing with me. You decide whether you see me or not. Why that is, I cannot say. Maybe you decided you couldn't live without me riding your ass over every decision you make. It's kinda sweet...you know...in a pathetic way".

Wild paced back and forth, conflicted. "Why..." he asked. "Why you? I never saw Simonla...or anyone else...why you? Why now?" Bubbles' smile faded as she eyeballed Wild with an intense glare.

"I was your rock, was I not?" she asked. "I kept you sane throughout all these lonely years. You couldn't talk to anyone else. Sonichu, Magi-Chan, Punchy, Angelica...all of them were stuck in their own little worlds. What you're seeing is a sad little attempt to cling to your last remaining piece of sanity. Don't be ashamed. It happens to a lot of people. Why don't you ask Patti-Chan?"

Confused, Wild raised a single eyebrow. "Who?" he asked, feeling foolish as he talked to the mirage in the mirror. In response, Bubbles snorted humorlessly, her tone cold and condescending.

"Wild, you remember how the mayor talked about how vital his team of advisers is?" she asked. "You remember how he always brought up the one member of the team, one Patti-Chan, to every discussion? Tell me...have you ever met this Patti-Chan?"

Wild's silence told Bubbles everything she needed to hear. Her face broke out in a sadistic half-grin. "Looks like you and the mayor have more in common than you think", she said. "But deep down, you've always had your suspicions. You've seen the early portraits of the mayor and his faithful companion. You've noticed how she matches the description he gives whenever he talks about her. Deep down, you know..."

"Stop it", interrupted Wild. "Stop it! This is the man that I follow. This is the man that *you* followed before...you can't be telling me these things! This...this isn't how you...how she would have reacted!"

Taken aback, Bubbles nodded, eyes narrowed. "That is true", she said. "Bubbles would not have been telling you these things. Not back then, at least. But she always thought logically. And now is the time when you need to think logically more than ever".

Looking back at the mirror, Wild frowned. "You're talking about Simonla, aren't you?" he said.

With another half-smile, Bubbles folded her arms. "The words are yours, are they not?" she said in a mocking sing-song voice. "You know that you need to investigate just what Simonchu meant. You need to uncover the truth." Hearing this, Wild plopped himself down in his armchair, defeated.

"But...Sandy." he replied. "This'll kill her, I know it will. I can't risk her knowing anything bad about her mother. What if..."

Dismissing Wild's protest with a simple wave, Bubbles spoke in a more reassuring tone. "She is her own person, Wild. She can be whatever she wants to be. If it turns out Simonchu was deluded, no harm done. If she hears that Simonla was indeed planning something, she has a strong father figure to rely on. She'll be fine, as long as you're there".

Wild nodded, drawn in by Bubbles' words. He looked up, and cleared his throat. "Bubbles..." he began. "Can you...can you stay? Just a while longer?"

Bubbles shook her head sadly. "You know this isn't how this works", she replied. "I'm here when I'm needed. Not when you want me. I'll see you again, Wild", she finished, as her reflection faded back into the mirror. Wild slumped in his chair. He at that point noticed a small tear in his eye, and wiped it hurriedly. At that point, he heard a knock at the living room door, and sprang around to find Sandy, standing in the doorway dressed in her favorite pajamas, featuring a cartoon mole with wide eyes saying 'I DIG naptime!'. She wiped her eyes and spoke in a daze.

"Daddy..." she asked. "I heard you speaking to someone. Is everything ok?"

Wild hesitated, and decided once more to speak another half-truth. "It was Blake, honey", he said. "He just left. Come on, you need to go back to sleep". As Sandy backed off up the stairs, Wild sank back into his armchair, and left his head to rest in his hands. He wept softly as hundreds of thoughts entered his mind all at once.

---

Barging into the laboratory, Punchy headed straight for the cloaked figure overseeing everything. Jason turned, only to feel a cold metallic hand grab him by the throat. Glaring at the terrified scientists, Punchy growled back at them. "Leave..." was all he said. The group wasted no time in vacating the room, leaving just Punchy and Jason behind. Hearing Jason splutter, Punchy pulled him in close.

"When I agreed to this experiment, I was assured full and total control over my artificial limb", he spoke. Softy, yet menacingly. "I hesitated. I failed to avenge the death of another Coalition member. The blood of Mr. Turdijerk is on your hands, Howell. Now, I want answers. Why...would...it hesitate?"

Through choked gasps, Jason managed to speak. "I...don't know...came off of...wreckage...please..." With one movement, Punchy slammed Jason's body down to the ground, leaning in closely as his hand gripped tighter.

"That is unfortunate", replied Punchy. "For both of us, I should say". Raising his free fist high up into the air, Punchy prepared for a strike.

"Wait...WAIT!!!" cried out Jason desperately. "Giovanni...the technology came from Giovanni...he knows...please..." Immediately, Punchy released his grip, leaving Jason to gasp for breath. Nodding, Punchy turned to leave the lab.

"Your dossier was correct, Jason", he said. "You can indeed work wonders under pressure. My apologies if I was too...brutal. Desperate times, however, call for desperate measures."

....

"Hmm...I'm n-I'm not quite sure I understand the question" said the mayor sleepily. Since heading deep underground to a secure bunker, most of the mayor's day involved him being dormant. The stress, he had claimed, had meant a very long recovery time, but his authority was still to be considered the highest, opting to have no-one serve as interim mayor for the time being. Clearing his throat and preparing to speak clearer, Wild addressed the mayor once more.

"I want to reinvestigate Simonla", said Wild, although he was sure he had already said this, he wasn't sure how much clearer he could make it. He toyed with the notion that the mayor wasn't paying full attention but...no, it must have been Wild being paranoid. "There are still so many things that we don't know about her, and I believe we need to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak".

"Mmmm..." mumbled the mayor. "I thin...from my experiences, what I think you should do is move on, Wild. You are clearly inconsequentially in love with Simonla, but we must all move on. I think you need to re-enrol in dating education, and find a new sweetheart there".

Wild stammered. The mayor wasn't making sense, and not just from an unusual usage of the word 'inconsequentially'. "Sir, with all due respect", protested Wild. "I'm not doing this because I can't let go or anything like that, it's just...things have happened. It's been brought to my attention how suspicious the circumstances were, and we need to..."

"Wild!" snapped the mayor, almost rising from his chair in anger, but deciding against it in the end. "Do not make me repeat myself. I am the mayor, so I am right. Y'all should know that. Now go home and play some video games to help you relax. Watch some Family Guy or some 'dult entertainment with Sandy. She isn't paying too much in the ways of attention to date ed, and we don't want to turn her into a dyke, now, do we?"

An uncomfortable silence gripped the room. "As you wish, sir", said Wild, bowing respectfully and then leaving the mayor's office. As Wild kept on walking, he kept his eyes forward, being careful not to look to his left, no matter how tempted he was.

"So, what are we going to do now?", he heard. Wild appeared to ignore Bubbles words, instead reaching for his cell phone. "Ah, good plan", continued Bubbles' form. "Don't want anyone to know you've officially gone nuts".

"'We' aren't going to do anything", said Wild, talking to his phone but looking out of the corner of his eye to where Bubbles appeared. "I'm going to respect the mayor's wishes and go home".

"You're listening to the advice of that guy?" said Bubbles' form. "I'm sorry, were we in the same room? Heh, of course we were, I'm a part of you. Look, my point is, he told you to go and watch porn with your daughter to stop her from being a lesbian. Hello? Reality check?"

"It's just...it's just a little cabin fever from being underground, that's all", said Wild, although his tone was unsure. In response, Bubbles giggled condescendingly.

"You are in so much denial right now" she sighed. "Fine, I'll meet you halfway. He said what you need to do is get over Simonla. Move on. Now, I ask you, what'll make you move on better than making peace with her brother, finding out her true colors and preserving her memory? We can call it...part of the cleansing process".

Wild's cell suddenly sprang to life. Shocked, almost dropping it, Wild noticed that information about the Cwcville library was being displayed on his screen. "How did you...?" began Wild, prompting another giggle from Bubbles.

"Honey, how many times do I have to tell you? I'm not the real Bubbles. I'm just part of you. I didn't do anything, so by process of elimination..."

Wild stared at his hand. "You're...controlling me..." he gasped. Bubbles' giggling ceased immediately.

"Yes. But you're controlling me", she said humorlessly. "Way in the back of your mind, where all the good stuff lies. Now stop blaming others, least of all your dead best friend. You want this, Wild. You need to do this".

With those words, Bubbles vanished. Wild stared at his cell for the longest time, before hurriedly leaving the premises.

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Spoiler

Hands shaking, Wild pressed the library card down on the counter, sliding it to the clerk. He cleared his throat, hoping to make himself as inconspicuous as possible.

"Yes, um, the holder of this card has..." he began, swallowing and clearing his throat, visibly shaken by the words he was about to speak. "...passed away. I need to find out if she had any outstanding loans. Just so I know to...clear any debts...and make sure my beloved can rest in peace...."

The clerk rolled his eyes. He was a teenage boy, sprouting acne and experimenting with facial hair. He looked like he was itching to end his shift and go home to an evening of video games and Reeb beer, happy to just have the library as a reference on his resume.

"Whatever, man", he said. "Here's the list of outstanding loans we've given the cardholder. Just return these to avoid the late fees". As he spoke, he turned the computer monitor, showing Wild the list of outstanding books. Wild could not help but stand there enthralled. He could not believe that Simonla, the woman that he had known intimately, the mother of his child, the one whom he had promised his life with, had invested in these. 'Cleared Smoke and Broken Mirrors: The science behind the magic'. 'Blood is the Key: Superstitions to Eternal Youth'. 'Rituals Explained'. Each book made Wild shake his head in disbelief. Simonla had invested in finding out the truth in dark magic. Her ways went against the methods preached by the mayor. Maybe this...no...no, this can't be, thought Wild. It's the way she was brought up. The way that ECGville taught her, he thought. She must have been clinging to the old ways, or else looking for a comparison between them and the true way of thinking as taught by the true and honest mayor of CWCville...

"That's bullshit and you know it", came a voice. Wild didn't need to look, instead sighing loudly.

"I knew Simonla." he said., annoyed. "She would never...", opening his eyes to view the clerk's confused reaction, Wild cleared his throat. "Can't a guy mourn in peace?" he asked sardonically. "Don't you have some goddamn work to do?". Taking the cue, the clerk retreated to the back, hoping to find some sort of work to distract him from this awkward situation.

Wild walked to a quiet, unoccupied area of the library, muttering under his breath. "It's not true", he said. "Simonla was brought up in ECGville, with that stubborn, naive hedgehog Simonchu. This talk of these voodoo-esque beliefs, these superstitions...she was just looking for something to compare to what we preach".

Bubbles' form giggled, and shook her head whilst rubbing her temple. Her form doubted Wild, and Wild was visibly affected, most likely because he knew her words were really coming from his own subconscious thoughts.

"Is that so?" asked Bubbles."What about the mayor? What about his Curse-ye-ha-me-ha techniques? What about his 'forgiveness blessings'? What about the fact that everything he wills comes into existence thanks to his friendship with two thirds of the holy trinity? How do you truly know that the mayor's way didn't in some way influence Simonla's bizarre decisions?"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Wild, prompting an uncomfortable silence throughout the library. Thinking quick, Wild cleared his throat. "You're talking too loud", he said to the confused onlookers. "This is a library, we need silence". With nary but a few irritated tuts, the library returned to its usual hustle and bustle. The form of Bubbles continued;

"We both know what we need to do now", she said. "These books. They'll give us insight as to what she, and *not* the inhabitants of ECGville, were thinking. Time is of the essence..." she said,. as Wild, in a zombie-like trance, headed home, home to where Simonla's influences lay.

...

Bill looked up at the wallchart. A blurry, unfocused image stared back at him. He scoffed, and took another swig of whiskey. "You..." he muttered to no-one in particular. "You just couldn't leave me be...". With another long chug, he paced up and down the lab, knocking over a few beakers in his drunken stumble. Feeling a few tears form, he wiped at his eyes, even though he was alone. Crying was unmanly. He couldn't risk his masculinity in CWCville. Boys were to be boys, and girls to be girls. Anyone else was a Tomgirl or a Tomboy, and Bill couldn't hope to become the former. Unmanly behaviour meant that you were a Tomgirl and nothing else. Bill hated the term, and couldn't see why a few moments of remorse couldn't be considered an act of universal humanity, as opposed to one that necessitated the compulsory wearing of a dress and makeup. He stared at his whiskey bottle accusingly.

"You..." he growled. "You'll be the death of me!" With this, he chucked the bottle over his shoulder. After which, he paused. The lack of a smash disturbed him. Although he was clearly inebriated, he wasn't so far out that he couldn;t tell what was going on around him. He turned slowly to see a large red Sonichu looking back at him, holding the empty whiskey bottle in one strong metal arm. Emotionlessly, the red Sonichu stared back at Bill's terrified face.

"Well", said Punchy. "That all depends on if you can give me the answers I want, doesn't it?" he said.

---

Holding the whiskey bottle menacingly, Punchy approached Bill's cowering form. Stumbling back in a fearful and drunken daze, Bill tripped over an upturned chair, landing hard on his forearm. Too intoxicated to let the searing pain register, Bill dared not take his eyes off of Punchy, who purposefully pressed down hard onto Bill's forearm with a single boot.

"Now listen up, because I'm in a bad mood today" began Punchy. "You were the lead designer of the entity known as Metal Sonichu. You may recognize its fine handiwork" Flexing the metallic arm in a demonstration, Punchy glared down at Bill, who was too terrified to notice a trickling stream of vomit rolling down his own chin. "I want to know everything about it", demanded Punchy. "And if I find out that you've omitted anything..."

"It was my finest piece of work!" spluttered Bill. "Advanced AI...I could make it aware of everything...an immortal learning machine capable of adapting to its environment in a heartbeat..." Sniffing back tears, Bill continued, speaking from the heart. "That idiot Giovanni and his whiny little brat...they thought they knew what perfection was...they had no idea. But then Sonichu came along...and my work...it disappeared. Of course I had a plan B, but by that time..."

Surprising Bill with a hard press onto his arm, Punchy gritted his teeth as Bill let out a shriek of pain. "I didn't ask for self-pitying whine" said Punchy. "Tell me more about this advanced AI!"

Whimpering, Bill looked down at the floor. "The base..." he whispered. "He took it...I'll never see..." With another searing pain in his arm, Bill realized he needed to provide answers to his calm, yet furious, assailant. "The Metal Sonichu was designed to adapt, to learn...and to think", he said. "It of course needs time for this to happen, everything does...but over the course of time, it can pick up the best of human traits whilst discarding the worst. It would become the model citizen, the gold standard for Cwcville...no, for the world!"

Scoffing, Punchy stepped off of Bill's arm. "Well, it looks like it's not doing its job", he sneered. "It froze up on me, this arm...as I was about to rid the world of a hindrance to a righteous cause."

Rubbing his eyes in astonishment, Bill gazed at the metallic arm. "My God..." he whispered. "So soon...it's...it's actually working" Punchy looked back at Bill, and raised a single eyebrow with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance.

"I thought I told you not to omit anything" said Punchy, calmly, but showing all of the hints of a veiled threat. In response, Bill nervously cleared his throat, eager to offer an explanation.

"The...Metal Sonichu is comprised of more than just steel and wiring", he said. "It's an experimental new bio-mechanical organism engineered to survive at all costs. Each cell contains a fragment of data, and these cells can multiply at an alarming rate. We...I...had hoped this would aid in its maintenance and that the metal Sonichu could repair itself over time. Since you've grafted the arm onto your body the cells appear to be...I guess you'd call it awakening! The memories of the metal Sonichu, its...its AI, would live on...through you!"

For an uncomfortable period of time, Punchy looked back at Bill, then, to Bill's surprise, Punchy started to chuckle. "Is that all?" stated Punchy sardonically. "I see...thank you for your cooperation". Immediately, Punchy grabbed at his metallic arm with his one organic hand. With a guttural scream and a single movement, Punchy tore the metallic arm from his socket. Wires flailed as a mixture of oil and blood sprayed over the floor of the lab. Smiling, Punchy threw the arm down at Bill's feet as the scientist lay there in shock. To follow, Punchy gripped the bionic eye, and plucked it from his head, it detaching itself easily under Punchy's controlled grip. Clenching his fist, the eye crumbled under intense pressure as Punchy reached into his coat to grab what appeared to be a small blowtorch. Lighting it up, Punchy took it to his arm socket, cauterizing it with only a single wince of pain.

"Oh...sorry" stated Punchy. "Did you just see your dreams die before your eyes? We've taken all sorts of notes on these fantastic items. I know a man who can recreate them, without all the troublesome AI getting in the way. Enjoy your scraps, Schwartz." Turning to leave, Bill shouted back at Punchy through tears.

"You still have the cells in you!" he screamed. "They'll still attempt to take over you!"

Not even breaking his stride, Punchy laughed back. "Let them try", he said. "I'm not going to let anything, man, beast or machine, defeat me."

Clutching at the metal arm like a child's toy, Bill fell to the floor and wept silently.

---

Giovanni rolled his eyes. He knew he had to humor the mayor for a quiet life, but still...in spite of the mayor's notorious stubbornness, he had to find some sort of compromize. Nobody could see to such an insane request.

"I am afraid the technology you speak of is...quite non-existent at the present." explained Giovanni. "Perhaps *instead* of..."

Slamming his fist down onto the desk with a grunt, the mayor looked at Giovanni with a mixture of anger and quiet terror. "I d-don't pay you for excuses, Giovanni..." he squealed. "I pay you for the things that happen when I tell you to do what I want!"

Giovanni looked at the spot where the mayor had smashed his hand down, and took a mental note of the spot he would need to sanitize later. The mayor believed correctly that image was vital, but simultaneously erroneously believed advertisements on television which told him that all he needed to improve his image was excess of body spray. As such, his refusal to bathe was noted by all those around him, and the overwhelming stench of aerosol deodorant offended the nostrils of anyone unfortunate to speak to him. Giovanni especially, who believed the aroma resembled a subtle combination of rotting garbage on a hot summer's day, doused in gasoline and pus from an open wound.

"Indeed", managed Giovanni eventually. "However as stated in my contract, which my lawyer has assured me you agreed to readily, my assistance is limited to everything which is physically possible to create. Thus, whilst I can certainly see the benefit of creating 'some kind of machine' which 'finds whoever doesn't agree with the mayor and kills them', I am unable to acquiesce".

Screwing up his face in a method the mayor liked to call intimidating, his Chaotic Combo entourage looked worriedly at him. Speaking up, a lone Rosechu cleared her throat.

"Excuse me, Mr. Giovanni sir?" asked Angelica timidly. "But...we had a friend once...a...lost soul, who didn't walk the same holy path as the beloved mayor. Yet his abilities were surely God-given! He had the power to perform miracles, to scan Cwcville to see if anyone was engaging in sinful activity".

Giovanni raised an eyebrow. "I am a man of science and not God, child" he said with a sigh. "Please get to your point".

Producing a large mug, Angelica placed in on Giovanni's desk. It said 'Never MIND!' written across it, the latter word written in bold purple. "This mug belonged to the blasp...I mean, our former comrade" said Angelica. "I assumed that since you had cloned our dearest friend Saint Sonichu, you could surely do the same for Magi-Chan, but for making him a better sheep to the flock".

Feeling his smile raise in a half-grin, Giovanni inspected the mug. "Interesting theory..." he mused. "I admire your thinking, child. My scientific department shall see what it can do. Mr. Mayor, you pick your friends well. Now, if you'll excuse me..."

The mayor appeared confused, but noting that Giovanni was finally seeing things his way seemed good enough for him. He and the rest of the entourage left the room as Giovanni span back in his office chair, reclining slightly. "Is there a problem, boy?" he asked.

Wild, standing his ground, cleared his throat. "I'm here about my late partner, Simonla Rosechu" he said. Giovanni chuckled as he turned his chair around to face Wild.

"You have me at something of a disadvantage, my boy", he said. "I don't believe I've ever met that woman". In response, a book fell onto Giovanni's desk, flung by Wild. It opened with a clunk.

"The books she was reading", he said. "The philosophies within very much coincide with the philosophies of your very own Team Rocket. Technology with the power to control the world. Technology to give one the power of magic. I...I don't see this as a coincidence".

Taking the book, Giovanni flicked through. "Hmmm", he murmured. "Now that you mention it, boy, I think I remember someone who went by that name. Blond, if I remember right. Had a thing for geology...She came to me once with an interesting proposition. She had heard tale of our rather unsavoury exploits...tale of our ambitious plans to use technology to become..." he waved his hand airily, "Gods...pfft". Chuckling, he set the book down. "We had long since become a legitimate business", finished Giovanni. "She was wasting her time; as are you, my boy".

Wild glared at Giovanni. "If you're lying to me..." he said, noting Giovanni's cool-as-cucumber demeanor and stopping. Giovanni shook his head and smiled.

"You'll what?" he asked. "You'll come after me? Go ahead. I grow tired of life anyway. My dreams were shattered, my son taken from me in the blink of an eye....there is nothing you can do to me that'll hurt more than the pain I suffer every day".

Wild paused. "We shall see" he threatened. In response, Giovanni's smile faded. "Indeed we shall", he said. "Now, my boy, I have a rather busy afternoon scheduled".

Wild strode out, leaving the book on the desk. Inspecting the mug once more, Giovanni felt his smile return. That foolish mayor...perfect cloning? If such an act was possible, he'd be able to see junior smile once more...no...only one thing would work now. Wishing to waste no time, he headed down the hallway to the elevator. Looking around cautiously, he typed in a secret code on the display, and the elevator's doors slammed shut as it sprung to life. After a lengthy descent (Giovanni didn't mind, it more often than not gave him time to reflect), the doors opened. Greeting a large imposing man in a khaki uniform with a salute, Giovanni headed into the main control area. The atmosphere was cold and dark, computer monitors seeming to provide the only source of illumination. Each monitor was arranged facing the windows of a large test chamber, which Giovanni could only see in silhouette.

"General Clawdorf!" barked Giovanni. "My workers need light. How else can we complete this project?". The man in khaki approached Giovanni in an emotionless march.

"My apologies, Mr. Giovanni" said Clawforf. "But we should conserve power wherever possible. We do not yet know how finite the base's lifespan is at present, and..."

"Clawdorf..." said Giovanni. "I will keep it active...I know I will, I *will* find a way. But please, we need light". Saluting Giovanni, Clawdorf marched over to a fusebox, flicking a switch. The test chamber lit up. Suspended from the ceiling of the vast chamber, Giovanni watched the large machine bathe in light. Wires connected up to what appeared to be a giant chair made of some kind of glowing stone. It sparkled unnaturally, appearing to resonate.

"Clawdorf...let me see him" said Giovanni, sadly. Clawdorf saluted once more, and pressed a button. The chair lowered from the ceiling, and turned as it reached the window to the observation area. As Giovanni approached the glass, he saw the man. Doctor Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik. Stripped naked, and bound to the arcane device, tubes poking out of several points of his body, some leading to the machine, some from the walls which appeared to be the only things keeping him alive.

A single eye gazed back at Giovanni as the other stared into space, vibrating uselessly. "K...kill me..." said the doctor. Feeling a chill run down his spine, Giovanni sadly shook his head.

"Old friend...I am so sorry" whispered Giovanni. "This device...this...base...it needs ether. Yours was the only one that appeared to sustain it long enough for...for us to sustain you. You knew that sacrifices needed to be made. I...I hope one day you can forgive me...if we may find the spark and the catalyst...we can save you...and Naitsirhc. I promise...I will try, friend".

"Mr. Giovanni!" said Clawdorf. Giovanni waved back dismissively at the general.

"Yes, yes, I know", he said annoyed. "Ivo...I...shall see you soon". As the doctor felt the machine lift to the ceiling once more, Giovanni turned, and headed quickly for the elevator. Snatching a clipboard from General Clawdorf, Giovanni felt the doors close. Knowing the ascension would be as lengthy as the descent, he began to cry. For his son, for his friend, and for the monster that he had become.

---

Who's the little critter who lives in the hole?
Hey, hey, kids! It's Mikey the mole!
With Snuffles the frog and Valerie Vole,
Hey, hey, kids! It's Mikey the mole!

Eyes staring intently at the television set, Sandy bobbed her head back and forth to the jingle of the cartoon. As the wide-eyed mole finished his dance and waved at the viewers, Sandy couldn't help but wave back. She didn't have very many friends at school, the teachers having said that she "doesn't get along well with others", Sandy found solace in immersing herself in the bright and colorful world of her favorite cartoon character. She took a sip of cocoa, not noticing a smudge of marshmallow on her nose, and sighed contentedly. Daddy had been so busy recently, and it had made her feel a little left out, but she figured that as long as she wasn't in his way, he'd get by. After all, Daddy knew everything, didn't he?

A slam of the front door made Sandy jump, almost spilling cocoa on the couch. She heard a pounding on the door frame, and the voice of her annoyed father. "I know, goddamn it!", it went. "It's not like ...", the voice trailed off as Wild cleared his throat, walking into the living room. "Hi, sweetie", he said. Ordinarily, Sandy would be overjoyed to see her father, but something seemed a little off. Daddy's hair was all disheveled, and he had so many rings underneath his eyes, which were all red and twitchy. He was smiling, but his smile was all shaky, like it was made of jello. Sandy wanted to giggle, but something inside her told her that it wasn't the best time.

"Aw, honey, you made some cocoa all by yourself!" said Wild, proudly. Sandy blushed modestly. "I just did what you always did, Daddy", she beamed. "I mixed it all up in the pot, then I poured it into the mug! I used those thick glove things that look like alligators so my hands wouldn't get burnt."

Wild chuckled. "Those mitts?" he asked. "Good thinking. Hope you remembered to turn off the stove and..." he froze, staring at the mug of cocoa. "Honey...", asked Wild, his smile gone. "Where did you get that mug?"

Sandy looked at the mug. It was plain, but for a message on the side, reading "Whatta HOLE lotta love!", the second word topped with grass, like it was made of turf. Sandy shrugged. "It was...just around, Daddy", she said. "Is there a problem?".

Wild paused. He spoke, trying to keep his cool, but ultimately failing. "You're goddamn right there's a problem, kid", he said. "Did I...Didn't I tell you not to use that mug? I could have sworn I did..."

Sandy paused. Her father hadn't used the bad words again, had he? He never did...not even when Sandy was in trouble. She felt tears well up. "But, Daddy...", she said. "This mug was the only clean mug left in the..."

"I don't give a SHIT if it was the only clean mug there!" bellowed Wild, causing Sandy to cower. Sandy tried to speak, but all she could do was whimper and start to weep silently. Wild looked at his daughter, and sighed in disgust with himself. "Hey...come on, stop it...SHUT UP!!!", he yelled, suddenly turning his head to the side for the final outburst, as if speaking to someone who wasn't there. Shaking his head, Wild sat down next to Sandy, who instinctively edged away from him.

"Come on...I'm sorry", he said. "Really...really, I'm sorry for yelling, sweetheart. I...I said the bad words, and I shouldn't have done. That mug...belonged to your mother". Sandy still continued to cry as Wild reached out, patting her on the shoulder. Sandy flinched, which made Wild feel a knot in his stomach, but he persevered. "I...I just miss her, you know? I lost sight of what really matters for a moment. What...really matters, heh..." Wild again turned to his side. "Yes, I'm aware..." he said, suddenly realizing that Sandy had stopped crying in puzzlement. "I'm just...talking to my brain" he said, again not technically lying. Wild was finding that he was becoming good at this. "Some adults do that, when they get tired, or mad...but..." Wild trailed off. He didn't know where he was going with this. He turned to the television.

On the television, Mikey the mole had just fallen headfirst into a can of white paint that he was applying to the ceiling of his hole. Standing up, the paint spread over his body. Mikey tried to remove the can, but it was stuck. Sandy giggled quietly, unsure if she was allowed to laugh in her father's presence. Wild spoke softly to his daughter. "So...what's going on?" he asked. Sandy looked back at her father. "Snuffles is scared because he heard that the ghost of the white knight is haunting his pond" she said.

Wild looked back at the TV, and tried his best to get into it. "Oh no!", he said dramatically. "Now the mole looks like a white knight ghost, with the helmet and the...and the white paint thing..." Sandy giggled and nodded her head. They watched as Mikey tried to look for help, waving his arms around and moaning. As they watched, Sandy could have sworn she heard her father say "Don't worry...I won't forget...", but didn't think too much of it.

...

"I'm...happy that you came back", said Jiggliami, patting at Blake's hand. "I know I've asked you, like, a hundred times already but...are you sure you're alright now?"

Blake kissed at Jiggliami's shoulder blade as he answered. "I found out what needed finding out", he said. "So much has been happening, and all at once. But...it isn't fair to take it out on you". Jiggliami hummed in satisfaction. Blake's appearance at her door had surprised her greatly. He had flowers in tow, and had rented a DVD collection, the works of Pedro Almodovar. "I know you like Spanish stuff", he said. Jiggliami had been too focused on Blake's return to correct him. The two had a long talk. Jiggliami explained that she didn't want anyone to break her heart again, be it out of selfishness, out of self-pity, or whatever Blake was feeling. Throughout it all, Blake had nodded, and said not a word, leaving Jiggliami to wonder whether Blake was listening at all. Her fears were put to rest, however, when it came to Blake's turn to speak. He had been honest with Jiggliami. He had told her about Bubbles, about their break-up, about her death, about wondering just who he was...and who he wanted to be. He had apologized for being an ass, and had wanted one more chance.

They had been laying with each other for a while now. The movie had long since ended, and now all they were doing was listening to the birds outside as a breeze blew in through the window. "You know..." said Blake. "I'll make up for...the mishap the other night, anytime you're ready". Jiggliami giggled, and kissed at Blake's hand. "I kinda like what we're doing right now actually", she said with a smile, turning her head to Blake. "You know...me too", said Blake, giving her a quick peck.

"So, how long do you want to stay like this?" asked Jiggliami. Blake shrugged. "I dunno..." he said. "I guess until we get hungry and have to cook lunch or something?" Jiggliami tilted her head. "My cell's just on the nightstand, we could just order Chinese", she suggested. Blake chuckled. "You're a quick thinker", he said. "I like that".

...

Three blocks away, the Sniper's hands were shaking. As the digital display shone in the masked face of the Sniper, they wiped the sweat out of their eyes. Three minutes remained, and the plastic explosives in the back of the truck could take down a large portion of the city. Opening the bomb, the Sniper noticed a series of wires. To the shock of the Sniper, all were colored black. Whomever planted the bomb did not want any interference. The Sniper shook their head, however, and slowly and carefully traced the pattern of the wires with a single shaking finger. Nodding their head, the sniper took a pair of pliers out from a small knapsack. They positioned the pliers around a single wire, and shut their eyes as they clamped. The display stopped at twenty seconds. The Sniper sighed, and hopped out of the back of the truck. The next course of action would be to drive the explosives as far away from Cwcville as possible, hopefully...

"That's far enough, boy", came a cocky voice. The Sniper heard the cock of a handgun, and raised their arms. Looking to the side, they saw a purple Sonichu standing there, holding a pistol to their head. He had lighting bolt emblems on his side, as if tattooed to his fur. "Name's Swift", he said. "Coalition doesn't place too much faith in me now that they have the...'genuine article' if you will, but now it looks like things are about to change. Take your mask off".

The Sniper slowly lowered their arms, reaching to the back of their head. Swift smiled as the Sniper undid the strings at the back of their mask. Swift grinned. The Sniper was just too predictable. That's precisely why placing the truck in the underground parking lot wasn't exactly stealthy. Sure, a little mass hysteria, a little bombing downtown, it couldn't hurt the cause. But capturing the one entity that's been making the life of the Coalition a living hell...well, that's worthy of accolades of praise. His mind focusing on the admiration of his peers, Swift lowered the gun for a split second, failing to notice the twinkle in the Sniper's eye.

That was all the time the Sniper needed. With just a clenching of the hand, a dart launched out of the elbow of the Sniper's suit. It implanted itself in Swift's neck, and he fell to the floor choking. The Sniper smiled beneath their mask as they picked up Swift's fading body, throwing him the back of the truck and slamming the door. The tranqs would last for hours. By that time, the truck would have made it out of the city to a safe place, ready to blow up remotely. How humane for the poor bastard, thought the Sniper. He'll be violently blown to smithereens...yet he won't feel a thing. Hotwiring the truck, the Sniper sprung to action...

---

Tightening the final screw, Jason wiped his brow. "Alright, Punchy.", he said with a satisfied smile. "That should do it". Looking over the procedure, Sammy and Wes-Li stood with their arms folded.

"I don't see why you're so damn happy, Jason", snorted Wes-Li. "We nearly lost our most brilliant general because you were too lazy to test the first piece of scrap that you grafted to his..."

"That's enough, Wes-Li", interrupted Punchy. Coolly, but in a manner that made Wes deathly silent immediately. "I requested that I be the test subject", continued Punchy. "What kind of man would I be if I didn't accept front-line responsibility on all important matters?"

Sammy smiled proudly. "Son, it looks like I taught you well. Now...the only thing that remains is to see if that scientist's theory holds any water. Whenever you're ready, son". Sammy gestured to the door of the lab. Punchy slowly rose from the operating table, and glanced down at his new arm. It appeared more streamlined, claws scrapped in favor of duplicating Punchy's organic gloved fist. The movements were more stiff, but Punchy knew he would get used to it. In spite of the best efforts of the Coalition, a new bionic eye proved impossible to produce, but Punchy took that in his stride. Following his mentor down the long hallway, Punchy came across the detention center. A single prisoner stared out at him, reptilian eyes following his movements.

"Don't ask me why, but this son-of-a-gun is loyal to the mayor and his office", stated Sammy. "Followed one of our scouts back here. Good thing we were able to keep it tranquilized". The prisoner stepped forward into the light. It was a bizarre creature, man-sized, yet insect-like in appearance. Its wings flickered as it poked a large curved claw out from the bars of the cell, hissing menacingly.

"I don't believe I'm familiar with these types", stated Punchy. "It looks like something that my former cohort spoke of long ago...but enough waxing nostalgic". Punchy leaned forward, facing the creature. "I know you can understand me, beast", he spoke, slowly. "I'm going to offer you a choice. You may leave this place right now. No-one will follow you, no-one will harm you. You may return from wherever it was you came. Or...you may attack me. Try and uphold some warped sense of duty. Your efforts will be fruitless, I assure you...but if it satisfies you I will not say a word". With that, Punchy opened the door of the cell. The creature looked puzzled, but cautiously walked out. Sammy gestured to the exit as the creature appeared to leave.

Suddenly turning, the creature dashed straight at Punchy, its single-bladed claw arching down straight at his head, letting out a shrill cry. In a single movement, Punchy grabbed the creature with his new metallic arm, holding it tightly by the throat. Pausing momentarily, Punchy flexed his fist. The creature slumped to the floor in a dead heap. "Good..." stated Punchy. "This arm seems to be more responsive than the last..."

Nodding courteously at Sammy, Punchy left the detention area. He couldn't help but feel appreciative for the first time in a while. Jason came through with the arm, Sammy was training him at a fantastic rate, Magi-Chan...well, he was playing his part to perfection as well. Everything was coming up roses. Which probably meant there was something he was overlooking...

...

Sandy skipped down the street, being careful to avoid the cracks. She had heard the old saying "step on a crack, break your momma's back", and hated the idea of her mother slipping up in heaven. She wondered what her mother might slip on up in heaven, or what she could land on that could break her back, oblivious to how morbid these thoughts were. Her thought process was interrupted by a crackly voice that cried out in surprise.

"My god!" cried the voice. It was husky, and made Sandy jump in surprise. An elderly gent emerged from an alleyway. His clothes were tattered and torn, his hair knotted in a way that Sandy had never seen, and his breath smelt funny, smoky and strong in a way that made Sandy's hair stand up on end.

"After all this time...you have finally come!" said the man. "You are Simonla's girl, ain't ya? I knew her! She wanted me to give you this..." The man reached into his coat, and produced a disk, placing it in her hand. Sandy noticed that as rough as the man was, the disk was in pristine condition, a very stark contrast. "But listen..." said the man. "You must never tell your father about this. Just watch this, and all will become clear."

Sandy frowned. The Cwcville schools never taught anyone 'stranger danger', focusing instead on more important issues, such as the entitlement of the (high functioning) autistics, or the struggles of the (high functioning) autistics, or the best etiquette for dating (preferably with a high functioning autistic). This being the case, she never found it odd that this nice man with the funny accent was giving her something for free, but she still wondered... "Who are you...and what's on this?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh...excuse me" said the man. "My name is Inos, and I knew miss Simonla from way back. She told me to give you this. It's...it's that little moley man! You like that little moley man, don't you, little miss? You should watch this right away!"

Sandy's eyes lit up. "That sound fun, Mr. Inos, but I should probably wait for my Daddy. He loves Mikey as much as me! I'm sure..."

Inos suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders, and leaned in close. "NO!" he screamed. "Please...please!!! Your mother was quite clear....you are to watch alone. Please...please promise your uncle Inos...." Sandy wanted to scream, but then looked into the man's eyes. They were bloodshot, and slightly wrinkled, but they shook with terror, and Sandy could see that the man was genuinely afraid.

"O...okay, sir", she said. "I'll keep it a secret". Inos relaxed, and let go of Sandy.

"Then be on your way, child", said Inos. "And remember, you tell no-one of this, hear?" Sandy nodded, and walked back home, taking a few steps before continuing to skip. Inos watched as she disappeared, and then retreated to the alley. He looked around, unsure of where, and then grasped at his neck.

"I did what you asked..." he said. "Now please...please get this thing off me!" He ripped at his sweater, and looked down at the heavy iron collar attached, watching as a red light flashed. "No..." he said in shock. "No...you promised me...you promised me if I gave it, I'd be free!!! Please...Please no!! Ple..."

Several spikes shot inwards from the collar, piercing Inos' neck from several angles. He fell face down in the alleyway, dead before he hit the floor. As Sandy skipped back home, her thoughts suddenly drifted to who that nice man was, before she thought of some more adventures she'd experience with Mikey. No-one would think of Inos again until his corpse was recovered a week later...

---

"....mmm?", muttered Jiggliami, her eyes adjusting to the light shining in as the drapes fluttered to a gentle breeze. She groaned, and slowly sat up, feeling a little groggy. She tilted her neck to the side, hearing a satisfying series of pops before yawning.

"Oh hey, I didn't wake you, did I?" asked Blake from the doorway. He was holding a tray with two plates, two modest-sized coffee cups and a French press. As he approached Jiggliami's bed, she gazed at the plates in astonishment. "Omelettes?" she asked. "Huh...fancy".

Blake shrugged modestly. "Not really", he said. "Just a recipe I picked up from when I was holed in with the Giovanni family. Couple of eggs, a few herbs, some Italian cheese, mushrooms, and a little prosciutto". Jiggliami accepted her plate graciously, and sampled the omelette, nodding with approval upon chewing.

"This is real good", she said in between mouthfuls. "Much better than some of the shit I get served sometimes. You're a rare one, Blake". In response, Blake chuckled, and poured Jiggliami some coffee. "What time is it?" asked Jiggliami, after a while.

Blake peered at his watch. "Just gone ten", he said, sighing with disappointment. "Should probably get moving soon, that Wild guy wanted to talk to me about something today. Something about what I know about the Giovanni family".

Jiggliami pouted in response. "Thought you were done with that asshole", she said. "Giovanni, I mean. Bringing him up now can't be good for you". Blake guffawed at Jiggliami's bluntness, but shook his head.

"So did I", said Blake. "It's just...there was something about the way Wild asked me. He seemed so damn...desperate. As if he wouldn't rest until his curiosity was satisfied.". Blake paused, staring into space, concerned. Jiggliami tutted.

"Do what you need to do, hon", she said with a tone of finality. "Just don't dig too much into the past. Don't know if you've noticed, but when you take things too seriously...it's kind of a turn-off". Blake turned to Jiggliami, and the two shared a smile.

"Hey", said Blake. "How bad could it possibly be?"

...

Laying prone on the edge of the rooftop, the Sniper waited. This had to be the right moment...and the right guy had to be here...

Upon hearing the unmistakable rumble of a Scania R470 truck, a smile formed beneath the Sniper's black mask. This was the same model the damned Coalition had used to transport that bomb into the city. It was a small lead, but a lead none-the-less. It wasn't a truck brand seen often in Cwcville, most fleet vehicles were the types that transformed into giant robots (one of the mayor's more eccentric yet effective initiatives), and the way that it stopped just at the entrance to the CWC Cola building, a gigantic skyscraper and the headquarters of Cwcville's soft drink empire, was more than a little suspicious. Looking down the scope, the Sniper watched as a lone figure emerged from the cab. Clad in a brown overcoat, tattered red dreadlocks flowing down his back, the figure strode around to the back of the truck. This was all the proof the Sniper needed that the hunch had been right. Smiling, the Sniper squeezed the trigger and watched as the figure...

...suddenly disappeared. As if it had never been there. Puzzled, the Sniper lowered the rifle, and was amazed to see that the truck wasn't there either. Just as soon as the wheels started turning, the Sniper felt the barrel of a gun pressed into the back. "Advantages of a psychic grid", came a gruff voice. "Illusions...and tracking. Get up".

The Sniper complied, rising up, and turning, hands above the head. Looking at the owner of the gruff voice, clad in a brown uniform and holding a submachine gun, the Sniper spoke, in a rough tone but with an inflection of superiority. "Sergeant Jerkhief", said the Sniper. "You're one of the top brass in the Coalition if I remember correctly. You joined to gain some kind of vengeance against the Mayor for taking away your beloved".

Jerkhief's eyebrow raised. "You're a woman, I see", he said. "Figures. When you want to deal some damage, you do it from a distance, too frail to do things up and personal". The Sniper lowered her arms, seemingly not intimidated by Jerkhief outgunning her.

"I understand your frustration", she said. "But if you try and take me to those poor deluded fools back at the Coalition...I will have to kill you. Nothing personal". Jerkhief paused, but then let out a booming laugh.

"I don't doubt that you will..." he said. "But...what about these guys?" On cue, the rooftop door sprang open, and a squad of Jerkops burst onto the roof, each aiming a pistol straight at the Sniper. Jerkhief grinned. "Kick your rifle over here", he said in a confident sing-song tone. "And let's talk. That's all".

The Sniper placed a boot onto the top of the sniper rifle, and then with a quick motion slid the gun over to Jerkhief. Jerkhief bent down to pick the gun up...but suddenly paused. He noticed a small plume of smoke rise from the gun. "Oh...shit..." said Jerkhief, as with a blast the gun exploded, covering the rooftop with a large flash of light. The Jerkops stumbled around, blinded, hearing hurried footsteps that gradually got much quieter. Rubbing the eyes on his cut and burnt face, Jerkhief barked out the order; "Find her and kill her!"

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Chris: The Madness Returns

Spoiler

After the incident at the Gameplace on October 28th and the incarceration of Barbara, Christian Weston Chandler falls into an irreversable bout of madness and is sent to an insane assylum in the outskirts of Washington D.C. to monitor his behavior since most of the jury at his trial viewed him to be a danger to the general well-being of Ruckersville. While initially rabid and agressive, upon hearing the news that he is to be sent to a place where they "can take care of you, and fix your problem" Chris falls into a catatonic state where he locks himslef into his fantasy world. But little does he know not even his dreamland is safe from reality.
Arriving at the assylum the orderlies have an extremely difficult time moving him from the car they transported him from to his small room, however after finding a forklift and a sturdy gurney they eventually succedd in moving Chris to his brand new home. His arrival does not go unnoticed, many of the orderlies and staff have heard of the death threats, the insane ramblings, and of his odd "habits". His case is of particular interest to his attending psychiatrist Dr. Iglesias who views that Chris could potentially becaome a normal member of society if he was just motivated enough. While Chris is initially non-responsive to any and all stimuli, the few times that Christian attempts to make any form of communication (often under the influence of strong drugs) he only speaks of a strange land he calls "Quick Ville" filled with odd creatures. Chris eventually under recommendation of Dr.Iglesias, is allowed a few possesions: a pad of paper and a set of coloring pencils.
The prescence of stationary and pencils seems to have brought forth a breakthrough with Christian, as instead of describing his fantasy land in brief and often unsettling outbursts, he now draws out every single event that happens within his dreamland in great detail. Dr.Iglesias interprets this to a representation of what Christian believes and thinks.
As the months pass by and dozens of notedpads are filled with the often gory or disturbing imagery that Chris would scribble at random intervals, Christian describes how his Cwcville had once fallen under siege from the evil forces of a being named "Slaweel". He then goes to denote how his Cwcville was now a perfect place free from "Da homos and them dang dirty TROLLS!!!". Dr.Iglesias however notes something odd when Christian says this. He says it in almost insincere way, almost as if he isn't sure his utopia isn't as safe or perfect as he wanted it to be.
Dr.Iglesias pushes Christian for what is bothering him. Chris sighs and says:
"Now that all dem bad guys are gone...my city feels empty, everything has no meaning! And I know by GodJesus that dis be the work of dem dang dirty trolls!"
Dr.Iglesias at that point was about to point out the irony of chastising the people who were tormenting him of not tormenting him enough, but he had an idea...a way possibly...to help Chris with his problem. He knew that it was a long shot and that it had been years, but at least he could try calling his old friend.
Leaving Christian with an especially strong-willed orderly, Dr.Iglesias ran to his office and starting rapidlly searching his office for the number of an old colleage of his. it wasn't until he accidently knocked over an old imitation Ming vase did he find the number hidden among the shards of fragile white and blue porcelain. He walked over to his phone and dialed the number. The phone was finnaly answered at the third tone.

"Good afternoon this is the office of Dr. Maximillian Blauespitze, how may be of service to you?"
----

"And this is where you will be staying, and please call me me Max, Maximilian is what my father calls me"
The child psychiatrist was showing Chris around his detention center, indicating the various tasks Chris would have to do will staying in the care of Dr. Blauespitze. Chris was primarily unresponsive to Max's tour only mumbling and occasionally sighing at random intervals not taking any attention to his surroundings.
"He's probably just a bit fazed that he has to work to stay here" thought Max in remembrance of the deal that he and Dr.Iglesias had set up.

Chris plopped down on his bed and began to stare at the wall in an eerie manner, looking as if lost in his own world. This sight was unsettling to Max, and he decided to let Chris by himself for a while.
"I wonder if he knows how lucky he is to be put in this facility" Max thought to himself as he walked away from Chris' room. "
"I doubt he even knows how much of a risk it is to put a dangerously unstable man in this facility, but Pedro wanted me to try my treatment on him, hoping to make Chris into a sane human being"
Max chuckled to himself knowing that even the best psychiatrist with the greatest amount of resources at his disposal would never amount to anything. Christian was simply too preoccupied with the past, too dependent on his memories of happiness and too focused on grudges long since forgotten by others. For Chris maybe forgetting is the true solution to his problem. Maybe what he needed is a brand new start...
*CRASH*
"What was that?!" exclaimed Max An orderly was running towards the direction Max was just walking away from. He then began to hear a series of distant yet, comprehensible screams.
"THEYRE AFTER ME!!! THEY WANT ME DEAD!!! THAT MURDEROUS MARY LEE WALSH IS OUT TO GET ME!!!! SONICHU PLEASE SAVE ME!!!!!!!"

Max sighed, this was not the first time a patient had acted in this manner. Max hurried down to Chris' room. The orderlies were struggling to keep Chris' from bolting out the door. He as writhing as if he were being chased by some monster with his eyes rolling about in their eye-sockets, drool coming out of his mouth, and a faint smell of feces permeated the air.
"Sedate him, and cart him to the therapy room I would like to begin his treatment now."
The orderlies complied and a nearby nurse with auburn hair filled a small syringe with a dose of tranquilizers, just enough to knock out a man of Chris' stature. The orderlies held down Chris while the nurse administered the shot, but she recoiled when Chris made eye-contact with her.
"Aiiiiivvvveeeyyyyy...." Chris said in a dazed tone.
The nurse stepped away from Chris scared that a crazed lunatic had just referred to her by her old name...the name she wanted to forget.
"Is something wrong Valerie?" Max said in concern to her behavior.
Wiping away the tears of fear from her eyes she said "No it's fine I was just a little scared" She placed the used syringe in a nearby receptacle and mumbled that she had to clock out early, talking about "an urgent appointment". Sympathetic, Max let her leave, knowing that they weren't used to grown men acting so strangely.
As the orderlies carted Chris away to the western wing, Max frowned as he something scrawled on the
ground with feces. It was a crude drawing of something Dr. Iglesias described as a "Sonichu" a sort of creature Chris was focused on more than anything. Writing this down on his notes he sighed as he tried to tidy up the room, and headed to the therapy room.
---
Chris stirred from his sleep. He couldn't remember much of the few hours but all he knew that he wasn't at home playing Little Big Planet. He was about to get up from where he was sitting, but found that something was restraining him.
"Now don't fuss, those restraints are for your own safety"
Chris focused his vision towards where the sound was coming from, but could not see anything.
"Oh I'm sorry I forgot you needed these"
Chris felt a pair of hands place his glasses on his face. Chris now with his full vision restored looked around at his surroundings. He was in a room that looked very much like a living room, with a fireplace, bookshelves, and lots of interesting curios. Chris felt his hopes life up as he searched for a television, but felt his heart grow heavy as he realized there was no colorful box full of magical pictures to gawk at.
"Chris do you know why you are here?"
Chris said nothing.
"You are here because your memories are holding you back"
Chris still did not respond.
"We're here because I am going to help you forget all those memories, and let you start anew"
Chris looked up and said in a strained voice "And what can y'all do to mak-uh make me forget?"
The man smiled and pulled out a small yellow pendant. It was an incredibly ugly and tacky bauble made out of cheap clay, but to Chris it was like looking into the most beautiful object in the universe.
"Chris I want you to focus on this, okay"
Chris nodded, and stared on as the pendant began to gently move side to side. Watching it was very relaxing to Chris...almost as relaxing as stroking a My Little Pony. Chris felt himself slide out of the room into nothingness on focused only on the swaying motion of the pendant.
"Alright, Chris please stay focused it's only a dream"
Chris felt irked at this "It's not a dr-dream it's, uh...a memory...and it makes me ANGRY!!!!"
"Come now, Chris we need to focus. Focus on your past, your memories what do you see boy?"
Chris concentrated on his memories, and saw an image of his city in a beautiful landscape. Suddenly the mood changed and he saw his city burning, being engulfed by flames and crumbling. He saw a battle, swords and blood being thrown everywhere with the voices of the injured and the dying ringing in his ears as a horrific and bloody battle waged in his dreamland destroying and defiling his land turning everything into ashes. The scene changed to a throne room in a grand hall with Chris standing over a woman kneeling in pain as the room around them crumbled into pieces.
"Fire! I see f-f-fire! It's bur-r-ning me! I'm in hell!"
"Forget it! Abandon that memory! It's unproductive and unpredictable! Remember what made you happy! Remember the good times!"
Chris focused as he saw the faces of a old woman, a aging store manager, and a young woman with auburn hair flash before him before disappearing.
"I can't...th-they don't me to uh forget...."
The scene once again changed to the burning city and the bloody battle within it, but this time more vivid and bloody than before...

"Chris we can't keep fighting like this! This isn't a war, it's a massacre!"
"I don't care Patti, we must persist in making my world safe from da trolls"
"NO CHRIS!!! Discard that delusion. Go to your dreamland. Go back to happy times."
"I'm working on it! But th-this is HARD!!!"
"Your preference doesn't matter! Now where are you Chris?"
The scene changed into a more bright and colorful scene. He was in a beautiful glade with flowers dotting the forest floor with a large and a serene river making an opening through the canopy. He looked at where he was sitting and saw a checkered blanket under him with drinks and food spread about the blanket. Also sitting at the blanket was Sonichu, his pride and joy.
"I'm at, at a picnic...with SONICHU!!!"
"Wait...what? That's not right...he's not supposed to be there..."
But Chris noticed something wrong with where he was, and especially with Sonichu.
"What's wrong buddy?"
"Wrong...wrong, wrong WRONG!?!?! Nothing wrong father...NOTHING!!!!"
Sonichu began to cackle madly scaring Chris.
"Sonichu as mayor of CWCville, I de-demand to know what's wrong!"
As Sonichu opened his mouth to make a response a trickle of blood began to run from the corner of his mouth, dripping unto the picnic planket. He began to bleed from every orifice with his bodily organs flowing out of his mouth like a waterfall.
"What have you done, Chris?" Sonichu replied in a cold robotic tone as his head fully ripped open splattering the glade with blood.
Struggling to get up, Chris ran into the woods but as he ran the scene of beauty and tranquility began to change. The river began to run black, and was soon a fetid lake of hot scolding oil floating with the rotted remains of the forgotten creations of Chris. The trees withered and burned away as the sky turned orange and black. Soot and ash was falling from the sky. Chris couldn't stand it he screamed in horror.
"THEYRE HERE!!!!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! ANYONE!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!"
---

"Chris! Chris! Get a hold of yourself! It was just a dream!"
Chris opened his eyes and looked around him. The once tidy and elegant room was a wreck with chairs flipped over, books strewn about, and broken shards of porcelain and glass littering the floor. Chris noticed that he was no longer restrained.
"Now wh-what in GodJesus, uh happened here?" asked Chris
"You broke free of your restraints towards the end of your treatment...you were unable to forget much, and I'm afraid that this is not a very good sign of progress"
Chris sighed at this.
"I'm wo-working on it!" Chris exclaimed like a small child flailing his arms in a very awkward attempt of helplessness.
"I know you are Chris, but you have to work harder! You came here to forget what pains and restricts you, and if you cannot help me with that then I am afraid we are wasting our time."
An uncomfortable silence permeated after this statement.
"Well, I suppose it has been a long day you may as well get to bed you have a busy day tomorrow"
Max walked over to a small phone and dialed the head nurse in charge of Chris' wing.
"Nurse could you and a couple of orderlies please escort Mr.Chandler to his room, and be careful he isn't one to hesitate on using force"
---
Chris laid down on his small bed looking at the ceiling wondering about everything that had happened all these years. He thought back to his High School years, where everyone liked him and he never had to worry about anything. He thought of Megan, and of his sweethearts, and he thought of his home and family.
And then he thought of CWCville, his self-made paridise. He remembered he amazing adventures he and Sonichu had every day while Rosechu waited for them to return with snacks and drinks ready for their arrival. He thought of the respect and authority he had over everyone and how every action he made only brought happiness to the denizens of CWCville. But then he remembered the war...the bloody war...that changed...everything...
He could almost hear the clang of swords against shields and distant cries of the injured as if it were yesterday...
"Look at what you have brought upon this land Chandler!" spat an aging woman in a purple cloak
"Is this what your people deserve to uphold your twisted ideals?!"
Chris smirked and said "You poor f-fool, the citizens of Cwcville, need me to tell them what's right. an-and and what's right for them is to eli-eliminate those dam dirty trolls!!!"
The old woman looked down from the floating purple platform she made moments ago. The city was up in flames, and the battle under them looked not like millions of living beings individually fighting for what they believed in, it looked like a massive legion of swords and bloodied flesh. The inferno lit up the sky like a massive bonfire illuminating the city even though the power had gone out hours ago.
"And at what cost!? The lives of millions of helpless people!? The PVCC only wished to free these people! Let them live a life of freedom and equality!"
Chris seemed to grow angry at this and began to charge at the aging woman
"I AM THE TRUE AND HONEST MAYOR OF CWCVILLE!!!!"
The old woman readied herself for the impact when-
"Time to wake up! Come on people it's breakfast time! We got a full day ahead of ourselves!"
Chris wearily opened his eyes at the bright sunlight streaming from the dirty window and at the voice of Nurse Valerie waking up the patients to eat. The door opened as Valerie poked her head into Chris' room.
Without looking at Chris she quietly said "You have to get up, it's one of your tasks here to feed the patients..."
Valerie left quickly without another word leaving Chris confused to what she meant.
Chris stepped out of his room and looked at the people who were filing out of their rooms. They all wore the same simple white cotton clothesthat looked comfortable, but looked extremely unflattering. And each and single one of them was doing something peculiar. One man was twitching nervously scratching at his skin complaining about voice actors, a woman was busy scrawling out strange snake-human creatures on the walls with her bare fingernails, while another simply stared at the wall not showing any signs that anything peculiar was going on.
Chris then noticed something much more interesting wafting in the air. FOOD Chris began to rush foward the direction of where the smell was emanating from, shovng aside patients and rudely pushing them to get to the one thing he loved more than video games and his mother combined.
He walked into a large room with tables and chairs aligned in a pattern similar to a cafeteria with the strong delicious smell especially potent in the room. Already a few patients had bowls of oatmeal in front of them with a few nurses helping a few of them eat.
A crazed-looking woman with dead wispy hair noticed Chris and motioned him with a few rapid movements to a table with a few workers behind it handing out bowls of oatmeal. Chris waddled over to the table and held out his hands for a bowl when one of the workers laughed and said.
"Would take a look at dis fella! Brand new here and already expecting the best! Well buddy I hate to break it to ya, but this here food is only for the patients!"
Chris looked as if he were about to cry at this
"But I am a TRUE AND HONEST autistic! I have to eat food or else I will not find the en-energy to find my sweat-sweetheart from the, uh ground up to have my dau-daughter Crystal!"
The worker was about to speak in response of this absurd display of speech when a nurse with auburn hair crossly said.
"What is going on here?"
---

"Well? I want answers!"
Nurse Valerie looked peeved, she hated when the orderlies teased or abused the patients, no matter who they were or what ailment they had. Valerie looked at the scene in front of her.
The orderlies still had the bowl of steaming oatmeal tantalizingly out of Chris' grasp, while Chris had tears streaming down his cheeks and was whimpering at the harsh tone Valerie had spoken. The commotion did not go unnoticed by the patients and a young woman with dirty-blonde hair began to hysterically cry and sob.
Valerie quickly came to her aid hugging the young woman as if she were a young child and gently sung her a short, but comforting poem
“The boat is coming with its shiny stern.
With comfy seats and a propeller of stars.
So hush my little one, have no fear.
The man in the moon is the engineer...”
By the time Valerie had finished the poem the young woman was calmly nuzzled against Valerie's chest breathing softly.
"Wha-wh-why did that there song make the slow-in-da-mind lady all quiet?" Chris said in an attempt to make a conversation with Valerie.
Ignoring his idiotic term Chris used to describe the ailment of the patient, Valerie politely said without even glancing away from the woman in her care.
"Dr. Blauespitze sings this to the patients, I don't know why but it seems to calm most of them when they're having a panic attack so a few of the nurses often use it".
Valerie helped the woman up to her feet and guided her to a table with a friendly-looking nurse helping the others to eat. The young woman seemed a lot different after the song, she simply stared out into space ignoring the plate of food in front of her and scarcely blinking or paying heed to the others.
"Now then, why can't Mr.Chandler have his breakfast? As I recall although he is technically a worker here, he is still entitled 3 meals a day is he not?"
The orderly crossed his arms in a defensive pose, flexing his arm muscles in an attempt to shield himself from the nurse.
"Sorry, mum but we're all out of oatmeal for today and besides with this man's weight I doubt theres enough oatmeal in the world for him."
The other orderlies chuckled at his joke, but Valerie only frowned.
"That's quite alright then, I was going to go out for lunch anyways, I guess I'll just have to take Mr.Chandler out for lunch won't I?"
At once the man's smile was wiped from his face and he quickly said "But why would you want to take him? Look at him! He'd be looking you over even now!"
Valerie turned her head to look at Chris and noticed he was essentially eye-raping her focused only on her breasts and ass. Valerie had the urge to shudder, but she suppressed it, she couldn't let the orderly win this time...
Looking him straight in the eye she said in the most aggressive voice she had "Well perhaps if certain people would cook enough food for all the patients and take into account their daily nutritional intakes, I wouldn't have to take him out and have to do the job you are supposed to be doing."
With that she turned to Chris and motioned at him to follow her. Chris quickly waddled towards the direction she was heading, avoiding the gaze of the muscular orderly who looked both furious at Chris and abashed at Valerie.
---
"Tell Dr. Blauespitze that I am going to take Mr. Christian Chandler out for lunch today, and that yes I do have my tranquilizer kit in case he gets out of hand."
They were standing in a reception area in the Asylum, the room was decorated with tasteful furniture and small tables were covered in either toys or magazines for the interest of the people visiting the patients at the Assylum. Chris turned away from these as he thought that no one would come visit him now...not since the incident...

Chris focused his attention to the girl with the auburn hair who had confronted the orderly a few minutes ago. She was arguing with the receptionist and waving a clipboard around pointing out things that Chris could neither see nor care.
"I don't care if it's against code! This man was promised a meal plan and I intend to feed and care for every patient in this asylum!"
Chris was confused at what just happened. Why did that scary man and the pretty girl with the red hair hate eachother so much? Who was this girl, and where was she taking him? When was he gonna be able to play Little Big Planet? And why hasn't he been fed yet?
All these questions were pushed out of his mind when Valerie came up to him with a large tag with "006723" written on it. She carefully tied the tag around his greasy neck, careful not to make eye-contact with Chris. Chris was about to ask what it was for but she turned away before he could ask. She opened the door for Chris' in an attempt to avoid Chris' gaze and motioned him outside.
Sunlight streamed from the door and cast a bright yellow light as the call of birds and the soft whispering of leaves flowed into the room luring Chris' away from the miserable place he was stuck in and towards the light...
---

Chris had never really spent enough time outdoors, he was always too focused on the internet and on playing video games. But after spending the past few months in two different mental asylums with little contact with the outside world, the quiet tranquility of the outdoors was amazing to Chris.

The front lawn of the asylum had been manicured into an elegant garden, full of bright and colorful flowers in a wide array of colors. The grass wasn't cut too short and looked more like a meadow than a manicured lawn. The hedges were trimmed in a way that made them look as if they had grown in perfect geometric shapes. A small stream flowed throughout the garden coming from a small waterfall set in a shady end of the garden.
"It's beautiful isn't it?" Valerie said looking out upon the the large expanse of trees and flowers.
"Dr. Blauespitze wanted to make the front of this place look like more of a home than a prison, so he had all this made"
Chris stared at Valerie blankly unsure what to do.
"No matter how bad I feel, whenever I stare out at this garden I feel all my worries melt away,"
Chris continued to stare at Valerie.
Feeling uncomfortable at Chris' gaze, Valerie walked forward outside of the garden and into the street knowing that Chris would follow. However Chris proved to be an extremely stubborn person when it came to any form of physical exertion.
"Wh-why can't I j-just take uh, Son-Chu and dr-drive to the place we are g-going to uh, go to?" Chris said wiping a large amount of sweat from his forehead
Not mentioning the fact that she would never sit in Chris' car even if her life depended on it she calmly stated
"Because Mr.Chandler you are an inmate in an insane asylum, and I highly doubt that they would let a person in your situation to operate a vehicle in a highly populated area such as this."
Chris flapped his arms at this and loudly yelled
"But I am per-perfectly suitable and such to uh, DRIVING and TRANSPORTAION!!!"
Valerie regretted bringing Chris to lunch with her.
"Mr.Chandler could you please quiet down? You can't act in this manner in a public place"
"Bu-but dem dang dirty tr-trolls are SLANDERING me by tell-lling lies and mockery that I uh can't drive!"
Valerie frowned and continued walking to her favorite sandwich shop. The shops around them were a myriad of curios and hand-made objects. Furniture, books, rugs, you name it. Chris was completely oblivious to all the artistically crafted objects until they passed one store in particular. Chris' eyes grew wide and he pressed his greasy face on the glass looking at the colorful arrangement of objects on the shelves.
"Mr. Chandler we better hurry now, my lunch break is over in half an hour and I don't-"
Valerie noticed what Chris was so enthralled upon. Inside the shop were thousands upon thousands of toys, made with such artistic care that even a person like Chris would notice. Christian quickly saw his chance and ran off into the shop leaving Valerie flabbergasted.
"Chris! We don't have much time!"
Walking inside the store Chris looked at every single thing that they had for sale on the old antique shelves. There were stuffed animals sown by hand, dolls with their own set of dresses, train sets made out of tin, teddy bears with marbles for eyes, and other items that each made Chris feel like he was at home.
"Chris come one we have to leave!"
"Well hold on there missy! Maybe your boyfriend might want something here ehehehe"
Valerie looked towards the direction of the voice. Sitting in an old rocking chair was an extremely old man with a work apron on. Feeling insulted at the mere thought of her and Chris being considered something as vile as the old man had suggested, Valerie straightened herself out and adjusted her nurse's uniform.
"I am sorry sir, but this man is not my significant other. He is one of the patients under my care. I am sorry for the inconvenience but he is quite the wanderer as you can see."
The old man chuckled softly "Oh don't worry miss, we get a lot of strange folk in this shop and I was just foolin' with ya."
Valerie felt a twinge of guilt at snapping at the old man.
"Hey la-lady! Can you uh, get this f-for me?"
Valerie had not even noticed that Chris had left her side. Valerie looked at the box he was holding. It was a set of old fashioned-building blocks decorated in colorful patterns and shapes.
"I'm sorry Chris but they won't allow you to have this at the assylum"
Valerie was truly sorry about this. She felt that the patients at the assylum should at least be able to have a few possessions, but Dr.Blauespitze always insisted the opposite.
Chris hung his head and walked out of the store. Valerie smiled at the old man and the old man waved goodbye as she left the store, the doorbell tinkling at her departure.
---
When they finally reached their destination, Valerie lead Chris to a table set outside the sandwich shop and told him to not move from that spot. Still glum about not having his way Chris complied only out of spite.
Chris looked into the window of the shop as he waited for Valerie to come out with their food. It was a very modern looking shop, with the walls painted to look like metal, and pipes and gears running the length of the ceiling to give a very industrial setting. Chris lost interest in the interior and stared out into the street. It was a very sunny day and he could see most of the city and the surrounding countryside from here. He looked at every green hill that he could see and wondered which direction his house was.
On top of one of the hills was a very large building with smokestacks covering it like spires on a castle.The black smoke was quickly billowing out of the smokestacks forming a thick cloud above it turning a section of the sky a smoggy grey in direct contrast to the sharp blue all around them.
"I know I don't like it either"
Valerie had just returned from inside the shop with a tray with sandwiches, chips, and two Cokes.
"It's the one thing that doesn't belong, that damn power plant, I swear that thing is the most awful aspect about this area"
Taking a bite of her sandwich, she wiped her mouth and continued talking.
"I've never understood why they built that thing on that hill, you can see it for miles and it's so damn ugly."
Christian wasn't listening, he was focused on something he'd be meaning to ask her since they met.
"D-do you have a uh boy-boyfriend?" Chris stuttered nervously.
Valerie without hesitation said "No"
"But wha-what about that man in the fo-uh cafeteria who didn't give me fo-food? He seemed kind-kinda ticked off that I wa-was going with you to lu-lunch"
Valerie blushed slightly and said in a soft casual tone.
"Me and Mr.Parker have no romantic interest whatsoever, and besides even I did happen to like him in the slightest why would a person like me like him? It's utterly ridiculous! Me and him? Please!"
Chris ignored her short speech and said her the most creepy and disturbing voice he could unintetionally muster
"As often as birds tw-tweet, will you be my uh lovely hea-heartsweet?"
Nearly gagging on her sandwich, Valerie had to use every ounce of her patience not to scream in terror and run away from this disgusting obese manchild...but she couldn't...
Valerie responded in a stuttery voice full of fear
"Um, no...sorry I'm kinda...not interested in a...relationship..."
With that Chris stood up and walked towards the direction of the Asylum.
Valerie, grabbing her lunch sped to catch up after Chris.
"What in the world is wrong with him!?" she thought to herself as he waddled to the familiar hedges of the asylum.
---
It was midday in the asylum and most of the patients in the rec room keeping themselves entertained with the various activities the nurses had set up for the day. The room was a large and spacious and full of tables where the patients had a variety of things to do. In one end of the room a television was playing re-runs of an old show, but no one was paying much attention to it.
Chris entered the room quietly. he had just came back from another session with Dr. Blauespitze and he felt tired from all the standing up he had to do. It wasn't very different from before, the same images flashed before him as last time: The city, the war, the fire. But this time, the images were a bit more fuzzy and the details seemed less clear. Even Patti’s voiced seemed distant at the time.
Chris looked around the room and sighed. He hated social situations; he wasn't very good at interacting with people.
That's when he spotted her, the same lady who didn't buy him the set of blocks. She seemed to be arguing with the scary man from the cafeteria.
"...I don't care how good the film is Mr. Parker! The patients are not ready for that kind of film and frankly it may scare some of them!"
"First of all, the name is Gregg, only my father called me Gregg and he's dead! And second of all, these people could use a little something more exciting than the same shit you show them every Friday! I mean seriously, these guys may be a little off their rocker but they still get tired of the kiddy bull-crap you show them!"
Valerie frowned. She looked at Gregg. He had a face of fierce determination and looked like he wasn't planning to give in to Valerie. But deep down Gregg was nervous, he was always nervous when he talked to Valerie. Even though he towered over her and could practically crush metal trashcans with his arms the pale thin woman in front of him was the one thing that he struggled to keep his demeanor consistent.
Valerie turned to Gregg and in a matter-of-a-fact tone said "Tell you what Gregg, Friday night we are going to let the patients decide what they are going to pick. If they choose your film then we'll watch it."
Gregg smiled sheepishly knowing that even crazed lunatics knew a bad movie from a good one.
"BUT if they pick my film instead, then not only can you not suggest this ever again but you can't ever talk to me ever again!"
Gregg's smile instantly vanished and was replaced by a look of surprise. Satisfied with her response Valerie walked away, making sure that her pumps made as much sound as she walked away to make her departure even more dramatic than it otherwise would have been.
Chris bewildered at what just happened didn't know what to do. Immediately Gregg noticed Chris standing dumbly in the middle of the room.
"It's Christopher right?"
Chris in fear of this hulking man meekly said "Uh, uh..um no...my..in De-December of 1989, I were uh...um watching the Regency Square Bear Band PERFORM. When the Cum-conductor asked me my name, I told him "Chr-Christopher", but appa-apparently he was british um no wait he was eng-english, since he uh, uh, um, misun-misunderstood me and called me "Christian". And-and-and The name ch-change uh, um settled in."
Gregg unsure what to make all this crossed his arms and said
"Okay then...Christian, listen you skipped out on your morning duties. I covered for you since I didn't want that red-haired hag after my ass again for "inappropriate behavior" as she puts it, so you better pick up the pace right now"
Chris was perplexed "Du-duties?"
Gregg frowned and said "Yes, you have to work to stay here, most of the patients stay here on account of their folks paying for their stay. This hellhole ain't cheap you know."
"B-b-but isn't my m-mom paying for t-this?"
"No, she's in the slammer remember?"
Chris sighed and looked at the floor. When he lived with his parents his dad always made him do things that were extremely stressful and tiring. Once he made Chris pull weeds out of his garden in the hot, hot sun for almost an HOUR!!!
"Okay what I need you to do, is mop the floors in the hallway over by the bookshelves over there."
"B-but I don't WANNA!!! I have had a lot of S-S-STRESS and PAIN in my life, all because of my AUTISM!"
"I really don't care about your autism, you have to mop those floors!"
"But my AU-AU-AUTISM!!!"
At this Chris ran off into a hallway to try to escape the scary man and his horrific demand of long and tedious labor.
"Hey! Come back here you sack of shit!"
Chris ran down the hallway passing paintings of colorful displays of flowers and waterfalls painted by the patients. He ran out down the hallway using the path that Valerie had taken him in the morning. He ran and ran as fast and as long as he could. Gregg was quickly catching up.
"Hey stop! What the fuck man it's just a fucking hallway! It ain't hard to do!"
Chris ran into the reception room. The elderly receptionist covered her mouth and screamed. Chris threw himself outside into the bright sunlight and manicured gardens of the asylum. Chris ran across the lawn trample ling flowers along the way and knocking over rocks that were placed as borders for the flowerbeds.
"Wait! Stop! You're gonna get hurt!"
Chris paid no heed to this warning and felt himself trip and fall into the stream that ran the course of the garden. He laid on the ground, and as he laid the image of the lush garden and of the giant factory on the hill slowly darkened as he lost consciousness...
---

All was black. There was no sound. Nor was anything to see. It was just one giant void.
Chris could feel himself falling further and further into a deeper state of unconsciousness...wait no...that's not it...
He was really falling!
Chris could feel himself whooshing through the air, the wind whipping around him creating a deafening roar that hurt his ears. He feared for his life as he could see only a empty expanse of darkness all around him. Chris felt himself tumble and careen with the force of the air. Suddenly, as if the Universe sensed his fear of the empty world the landscape manifested before him, forming the ground, the sky and a light. He began to slow down, and by the time he reached the ground he gently landed on the soft grass.
Chris looked around. The scary man was gone! "W-well that wa-was quite the upsetting JOURNEY. But w-where am I?"
Chris looked around at his surroundings. Never had he seen such a bizarre place. He was standing in a forest clearing with gigantic flowers the size of trees and even bigger trees the size of skyscrapers.
While the trees' leaves were all were a bright colorful array of red, orange, and yellow that made it look like a forest in autumn, the towering flowers made it look like an insect's perspective of spring.
And Even stranger still there were hundreds of gigantic toys embedded everywhere covered with the moss and the roots of trees. The sunlight broke through the canopy in a soft dappled effect illuminating the forest floor in a pleasant way, providing much needed sunlight for the lacy ferns and colorful flowers that covered the ground. A small distance away a wide but shallow river full of crystal clear water ran through the bizarre landscape adding the gentle sound of rushing water to the birdsong already sounding throughout the forest.
"Th-this place seems...hmmmmm...fa-familiar..." Chris said to himself as he closely examined a giant glass marble the size of a cow trapped in the grasp of a large tree.
"It's about time you came," a smug voice said "I was beginning to think that you'd never arrive"
Chris faced where the voice was coming from. The creature standing in front of him was purple in color, and resembled a Sonic character with a few features of a Pikachu. He was standing in a very impatient and pompous manner as if he were waiting for Chris for a very long time and viewed his presence as an annoyance.
"M-Magi-Chan is that you?"
Chris was taken aback by the change in Magi-Chan's appearance since they last met. He was heavily emaciated, with light scars running along the length of his fur, crisscrossing his mangy body in a intricate almost pattern-like way.. His clothing style had changes enormously as well.
Instead of his usual purple vest, he was donning a set of leather straps held together by metal rings that formed a harness of sorts and in addition a biker helmet was perched on his head slightly tilted to the left.
"Yes, it is I Christian."
"Wh-where are the o-others? Whe-where is Sonichu? I wa-was hoping we could ZAP TO THE EXTREME!!!"
Magi-Chan shook his head and spoke in a foreboding tone
"Abandon that hope, a new law reigns in this land. It's very rough justice all around, we're at risk here You...be on your guard."
"Wha-what in GodBearJesus are you tal-talking about!? I am the TRUE and HONEST mayor of Cwc-cwcville!"
With that Magi-chan chuckled slightly.
"You've been gone for a long time Christian...so much has changed since you've left, no longer is this land a safe haven for you, or for anyone who survived your exploits"
Magi-Chan looked over at the forest, only pausing his gaze towards the river.
"Christian, you must find the truth about yourself and this land, the truth is the only thing that can save you. Without it all of Cwcville will be destroyed, make haste and be on your guard as you may later find that not all is well in this place..."
Chris sighed and plopped down, crushing several delicate ferns on his descent. "I don't kn-know what to do!"
Magi-Chan only replied in a single morbid phrase. "Seek and ye shall find they say, but they don't say what you'll find."
With that Magi-Chan slowly dissipated into thin air, leaving Chris alone in the forest clearing comforted by the light smell of blossoming zapbuds.
---

It had been an hour since Magi-Chan left and Chris' was still sitting in the same verdant forest clearing, staring into space as petals and leaves fell around him dreamily. Chris simply didn't know what to do.
"St-Stupid Mag-Chan doesn't kn-know what he's uh, uh SAYING!" Chris said in an annoyed tone. "Of course I know the TRUE and HONEST truth! I a-am the ma-mayor of Cwcville! I know eve-everything and such as!"
Deciding to confront Magi-Chan and accuse him of slandering his good name, Chris stood up and rushed toward the direction he had last seen him, forgetting that Magi-Chan had simply teleported away and that it would be impossible to trace him.
He waddled furiously through the colorful forest, not taking heed of his surroundings and ignoring the beauty and serenity of the entire area, as he far was too preoccupied in his childish anger towards one of his supposed beloved creations.
"Wh-when I find that there Ma-magi-Chan I am uh, uh, gonna make him-AGGHH!"
Chris exclaimed in surprise as he fell into the shallow river, creating a large splash that soaked the surrounding trees and plants. Chris lay there for a minutes trying to register what had just happened.
"No-now who in GodJesus put this dang uh, um...RIVER here in my p-path!?!?"
Chris screwed his face in concentration thinking of all the people who would purposely place a large moving body of water in his path to intentionally make him trip and fall.
"This m-must be the work of that there uh, um....DANG DIRTY troll CLYDE CASH! Or Ma-mary Lee Walsh! Or or or..."
Chris never got to finish his thought as at that moment the strong smell of cooking food wafted through the air, the smell coming from downstream the river.
"Mmmmmmm....smells g-good...."
Chris got up from where he had landed in the river, and began to wade clumsily in the clear and shallow waters.
---
Meanwhile in a small cabin in the middle of the woods, Kel was hard at work making a large amount of food. It was hard work always cooking so much food for so much people, but it was even harder to get it to them. She looked back at her handiwork and couldn't help and smile at all the hard work she had just completed. There was enough food for the small village on the other side of the forest.
The past few weeks had been tough for everyone in the Zapbud Fields. At first when they heard about the war and the sudden disappearance of the mayor they were thankful that they weren't in the city to witness the atrocities that they had heard about. Cut off from the city, the people in the rural areas of Cwcville had to subsist on what they could grow and gather from the Zapbud Fields, which despite the friendly looking-appearance of it all wasn't very much, and many families often went without food for days. This is where Kel stepped in. Before she viewed herself as a person of very little worth, a mere extra in the grand scheme of things. But Kel was smart, and she was resourceful.
Using her skills she could attain large amounts of supplies from both the city and the countryside. While most people would hoard their supplies in vast quantities, Kel did not. She only kept what she needed to survive, and gave the rest to those who needed it the most.
But there was a problem. The last few weeks the normally peaceful and beautiful forest was suddenly being visited by a series of dangerous and grotesque creatures. Kel was quiet afraid of them and could never get a good view of them, but all she knew that whatever they were, they were the incarnation of pure evil. But Kel had a mission to complete, and without her she knew that these people wouldn't have a chance.
She placed all the food and supplies in large plastic containers, and set them by the door. Tomorrow she would have to clear the path to the village of all those creatures in order to get there in one piece. She was nervous and scared. Gathering and hunting food was one thing...but killing those things was another...
At that instant she heard a clumsy knock on the door followed by a series of ragged breaths. Kel warily walked to the door. She never had any visitors. Ever.
As she opened the door she was greeted by an disgusting smell of sweat and body odor. But she instantly pushed the smell out of her mind when she saw who it was at the door. She gaped at the man.
"It-it can't be..." She said in disbelief.
In between breaths Chris announced to Kel "Y'all should k-know me by n-now but I am uh,uh Christian Weston Chandler, the crea-creator and writer of Sonichu"
Kel slammed the door on him.
---
"H-hey! I d-demand that you uh, uh OPEN this dang door!" Kel was shocked. After two years of no contact with the city, let alone the Mayor his sudden appearance was an extreme shock for Kel. She thought back to the rumors they had heard about Chris. Some said that he was killed in the war. Others said that he ran off. Other accused Chris of starting the war, while others blamed it on the PVCC. No one was really sure what had happened, but they only knew one thing: Chris had disappeared without a trace.
"C'mon! I'm h-h-hungry!!!"
Kel sighed, and opened the door.
"Hello...Mayor Chandler...can I help you?"
Chris responded to Kel by pushing the door open and walking in, leaving Kel offended at this act of rudeness "Um, EXCUSE me? Did I say you could enter?"
Chris looked at the ground and sighed, preferring to ignore Kel's protests against his rudeness. He looked around the cabin and noticed it was very different from when Chris had visited so many years ago.
Initially it was a very stereotypical girly looking abode decorated in gaudy shades of pink, but in the two years that Chris had been missing Kel had changed it to suit her needs. The walls were covered in a wide assortments of skins and furs, with weapons lined up against one wall.
In the small kitchenette dried herbs and meats hung from the ceiling while in the windowsill a jungle of vegetables added their greenery to the very survival-esque home. But the biggest change was in Kel. Kel had once been a very timid woman, preferring the company of her Pokemon to real people only speaking to other human beings when in battle or when buying food for her pokemon. The war had left Kel hardened like a diamond in the rough, her demeanor was more confident and poised to attack at the slightest provocation, she had long since abandoned her pokemon not wanting to risk their lives for the safety of herself.
"U-um-um I smelled that y'all have food in this here CABIN" said Chris motioning in a very awkward manner to the room around him.
Kel frowned. Her supplies were pretty tight with food as it is, and knowing the mayor he wouldn't be sated with a simple meal of wild mushroom soup. She suddenly had an idea. An idea that might rid her of the horrible creatures guarding the path to the village, and rid herself of the burden of the mayors presence!
"Tell you what" said Kel smiling with a sly smile "I'll give you your food, under one condition"
Chris straightened himself up and thought to himself "Oh boy, she has finally fallen for me! I knew she couldn't resist me! After all I did get honor roll at Manchester High School! My love quest is finally over!"
Kel continued to speak. "The road ahead is full of these horrible creatures and I need to get to the other side of Zapbud Fields"
Chris immediately began to whine. "B-b-but why? Can't you uh um k-kill them y-yourself?"
Kel anticipated this and imitated a demeanor of regality and poise "Matter of priorities. My alabaster skin needs protection from the disgusting creatures running amok amidst the environs."
Chris having no idea what Kel just had said hung his head and replied in a quiet tone clearly reflecting his distaste of having to do something for something he wanted.
"And h-how in GodJesus am I uh, um goi-going to ki-ki-KILL these ...creatures?"
Kel turned to Chris and continued her uppity demeanor. "I don't care, you must dispose of them or your sustenance will be postponed indefinably!"
Chris sighed and glumly stepped out of the cabin, not noticing the fit of laughter Kel was struggling to hold back.
---
Chris followed the small road winding through the forest, trying to find the creatures Kel spoke of and a means to dispose of them. He slumped along the road only thinking of what she meant when she said "horrible creatures". It perplexed Chris, as there were never any dangerous creatures in this place, the only real threat were the trolls. And he disposed of them a long time ago...
Chris broke down in pain as a sudden agonizing pain began to course through his head, he felt as if someone were driving a blade into his skull. Images and sounds appeared before him.
"And that's what the plan is essentially...any questions?"
Magi-Chan looked uncertainly at the room. "Wait he want us to...but that's...that's immoral...Magi-Chan, are you sure this is what the mayor wanted?"
Magi-Chan frowned slightly. He didn't like this plan either, it was a horrible crime against the people of Cwcville. But the wrath of the mayor was too great for Magi-Chan to handle, so he merely grabbed his arm digging his nails into his arm to hide the negative feelings he was feeling towards the mayor.
"Yes, it's the mayor's will and what is good for the mayor of Cwcville, is good for the people of Cwcville"
He could feel drops of blood forming from the small cuts he was creating to hide the shame in his face.
"Well I think it's a fucking great plan!"
The voice was from none other than the mayor's son, Sonichu.
"The people here need to learn to motherfucking toughen up! This is the perfect opportunity to show who the fuck is a true Cwcville citizen and who's just a dang dirty troll!"
The others clapped enthusiastically to Sonichu's sudden outburst. All except two. Magi-Chan and Patti
Chris suddenly found himself on the ground facing the the canopy of the trees. He was covered in sweat, and a foul smell was emanating from his pants.
"Painful is it not?”
Magi-Chan was sitting on a tree branch far above Chris, his scarred body resting against the trunk of the tree in a casual manner.
"W-what are YOU doing here?"

Magi-Chan chuckled slightly "Discovering the truth must be very painful to you isn't it? Discovering the truth is never easy, especially for a person as foul such as yourself. But it's just like a famous author said 'He who eats with the devil must have a very long spoon'"
Chris was confused. Why would an author have to eat with the devil? Chris then thought of something to make use of Magi-Chan's presence.
"M-Magi-Chan, as mayor of Cwcville I need your ass-no! ASSISTANCE to dispose of some crea-creatures a f-f-fair maiden told me to uh, um KILL so I can get so-so-some uh-um deli-delicious food so I may uh,um have the ENERGY to ha-have the hanky panky and finally give uh, um birth to my fated daughter Crystal."
Magi-Chan smiled slowly at this speech.
"You require my assistance to do more killing? Why if I do remember correctly that's how we got here in the first place. But I suppose helping you may force you to search for your truth, that or a good heavy dose of laudanum..."
Magi-Chan dug his long gnarled nails into the bark of the tree and slid down the tree, using his nails to slow down his descent.
"Wh-why didn't you j-just uh um, teleport down"
Magi-Chan violently turned at Chris and yelled "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO!!!"
Magi-Chan then proceeded to skip down a separate path humming to himself in a loud tone, as if he were trying to block out a noise he couldn't stand.

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Spoiler

They had been walking for over an hour in the deep forest. While Magi-Chan gracefully walked over the roots and leaves of the various trees and flowers that towered over them, Chris kept on tripping over every single branch and bramble that he faced.
"W-when I g-get to my off-office in the Cwcville M-mall imma have uh, um...um...Allison Amber cut do-down and mow this pla-place and make room for a br-brand new Mal-Wart full of uh, um potential sweethearts!"
Magi-Chan suddenly stopped in the middle of his tracks and pointed ahead.
A large blade had been placed in the middle of a forest clearing, as if waiting for someone to finally retrieve it. It had clearly been in this clearing for a while, already flowering vines had been creeping up the blade and to the hilt of the sword.

"The Blade of Misontric is always awaiting it's true owner, but I'm sure you'll do just fine...just don't go swinging it at me like a blind man in a match factory"
Chris placed his hand on the handle of the sword and pulled. The sword came cleanly out of the ground as if he were plucking a flower, rather than a massive sword out the ground. Chris looked at the sword in his hand. It was a short sword, but extremely sharp with lightning bolt designs engraved on the handle and blade.
Chris was ready to confront the evil plaguing the Zapbud Fields.
Chris dragged the blade of the sword along the ground, too tired from walking to carry it properly. Magi-Chan was still up ahead having a conversation with himself.
"I told you I can't do that mister....fine...okay...okay I'll flip over...be gentle...it hurts a little"
Chris had no idea what Magi-Chan was going on about, but he was extremely tired from having to carry such a heavy sword that had to weigh at least ten tons. Chris stopped for a small break trying to catch his breath. He looked at the sword that he had ripped out of the grasp of the flowering vine that had held it in place for so many years. How is it that he would kill anything with such an impractical weapon? He would rather have his Megatron pistol right now...or maybe he could ask-
"No" said Magi-Chan as soon as the thought formed in his head "I shall not kill anything for you any longer!"
Chris sighed. He liked the old Magi-Chan better, this new one was too scrawny and scarred and he scared Chris with his constant smiling and morbid speech.
---

Chris and Magi-Chan finally arrived at the familiar clearing where Kel's cabin stood, but something was wrong...the door had been blasted off its hinges and long scratch marks had been made all over the outside of the cabin. Even stranger still a foul and disgusting black tar had been sporadically splattered all over the clearing, covering the trees, flowers and giant toys that surrounded Kel's humble abode.
"Whe-where's my uh, um food!?" yelled Chris
"I wouldn't be yelling so hard He Who Must Not Be Named, you might attract someone, or something..."
Hearing only the words "yelling so hard" and "you might attract someone" Chris began to yell at the top of his lungs unbeknown to the thing happening behind him.
"WHERE IS MY FOOD!!! WHERE IS MY FOOD!!! WHERE IS MY FOOD!!!"
Behind Chris' a patch of black tar was moving strangely. The tar seemed to be rising out of its puddle and shaping itself into a sort of creature. Out of the ball of tar dead-looking leafy arms and legs began to sprout from it. A torso began to form, the black tar moving to show the form of the body. The out of the top of the unintelligible mess of dead leaves and black tar, two eyes in the shape of leaves sprouted moving it's gaze around the colorful forest covered in tar until its gaze met with Chris.
The abomination spoke in a gargled voice fueled by animalistic instinct "Pla-plau-tis-tic..."
Upon hearing this ghastly voice, all the color in Chris' face drained. He turned slowly hoping that whatever had made the noise was just another voice in his head.
"Augh! Wh-what in GodJesus is th-that's horr-horrible thing!?!"
The creature rushed at Chris swinging it arms at him. Chris moved out of the way, missing it's arm by a few inches. The creature looked at its arm for a few seconds and for a moment Chris thought it had given up due to his intimidating presence but only whimpered in fear when he noticed that long thorns began to sprout from its arms making it into a far greater threat than Chris had already seen.
"Plautis! PLAUTISTIC!!!" the creature yelled calling forth the rest of its brethren from the depths of the black tar.
Chris was surrounded in the ruined wood, scared of the disgusting creatures with the thorned arms.
"M-Magi-Magi-Chan!!! As your TRUE and HONEST crea-creator, demand y-you save me from th-these ho-horrible things!"
"I don't think I will be doing that,"
Chris looked up at the tree canopy and saw that Magi-Chan was casually once again sitting in a tree, taking care not to touch the disgusting tar that covered the bark.
"An-and why uh um in the hell not?!"
Magi-Chan looked at Chris with great disinterest and said
"Because this is your battle, and to have someone else finish the journey that you must embark on would only mitigate your growth."
"Wh-what do I do!?!"
"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU DO WITH A GIGANTIC SWORD!?!?"
Chris forgot all about the long blade in his hand. He clumsily brought the sword up above his head, trying to intimidate the creatures but only succeeding in looking like a awkward manchild waving a sword around. The creatures were not impressed and they began to advance further, using their shriveled roots as a means of travel.
Chris sighed. He would have to actually fight these creatures. Chris took a clumsy swing at the closest of the creatures and missed completely, instead hitting a tree and getting the blade stuck on the white speckled wood.
Magi-Chan was watching the entire thing from above, having a violent fit of laughter at Chris' inability to use a sword. Chris noticed this and became enraged. He ripped the sword out of the tree and charged at the crowd of thorned creatures and began to hack away at them blindly. Chris could feel the stinging thorns ripping his clothes and piercing his skin, and felt the trickle of blood down his skin. But little by little the feeling of dozens of arms covered in thorns hitting him subsided, and all that remained of the creatures were a few piles of dead vegetation and black tar oozing out of the piles.
Magi-Chan began to clap slowly.
"Bravo, so we may have a chance at being saved after all...Mitch owes me 3 CWC-Quarters for that."
"Uh-uh oh, is Mitch yo-your friend now?"
Magi-Chan looked around nervously and said "Yeah...my "friend"...something like that..."
Chris looked around at the carnage at destruction that laid before him.
"Wh-what were do-do-those things?"
Magi-Chan looked at Chris seriously for the first time since his arrival.
"Chris it's time for me to tell you what I know"
---
Magi-Chan calmy walked into Kel's cabin. Inside there was a scene of utter destruction, with pots and pans thrown about and glass littering the floor. There was plenty of black tar covering the interior of the cabin as well. Kel was nowhere to be seen.
"Hmph, it seems our dear friend Kel is nowhere to be seen." Magi-Chan said with great interest to the destruction that lay around him. "I suppose she won't mind if we help ourselves to her supplies"
Magi-Chan walked over to one of the plastic boxes that lay on theirside. Thankfully none of the vile disgusting goop had managed to enter the container, meaning that the food inside was still good to eat. Chris watched Magi-Chan rummaging through the box. Chris was confused.
"Um, um uh Magi-C-Chan? um who's K-kel?"
Magi-Chan turned to look at Chris.
"She was the one who promised you food? The one who owns this house? Remember?"
"N-N-No I can't s-say I uh um have"
Magi-Chan turned his attention to the food with a look of worry. The process was speeding up considerably, and soon nothing would remain of Cwcville...
"Alright, I got you a bowl of this mushroom soup. While you eat I want you to listen to every word I say. Your attention is paramount to the safety and restoration of this land"
Chris began to eat his bowl of soup with great gusto. It had been almost two hours since he last ate a large meal. While any normal person receiving a good meal and important news would take great care to listen to every word of their host, Chris seemed to seek an opportunity to interrupt Magi-Chan in between spoonfuls of thick broth.
"Cwcville is under attack,"
"N-no that's im-impossible, I done k-killed all dem dang dirty TROLLS!"
"It is under attack from a new menace, much greater than before"
"I'll just get the uh um uh the Cha-chaotic Combo to break them dead!"
Magi-Chan sighed, remembering the old group that once existed prior to Chris' sudden disappearance.
"Chris' the Chaotic Combo is no more, there was a massive schism after the..."
Chris dropped his spoon.
"There was a....WHAT!?"
Magi-Chan was not frightened, he had lost the concept of fear a long time ago.
"Yes a schism brought on by....um....I can't remember..."
Magi-Chan looked sincerely confused, this was the one thing he could remember more vividly than anything else! And now he couldn't even get the concept of the idea to grace his mind! What was going on?!
"B-by wh-what Magi-Chan!?"
Magi-Chan looked disturbed. He grabbed his arm in a sort of coping mechanism and began to dig his long nails on his skin. Tiny droplets of blood began to appear from the puncture wounds.
"Listen...something is wrong, I can't remember the details of...the schism...but I know someone who can. I haven't spoken to him in a two years...he may help you."
Chris tried looked at Magi-Chan intensely, but only managed to look like a dying flounder.
"W-who?"
"Wild Sonichu"
---
Magi-Chan was ahead of Chris leading the way to where Wild Sonichu was. Chris was frustrated. Magi-Chan was supposed to be the smartest person in all Cwcville, these kinds of things wouldn't have escaped Magi-Chan. Magi Chan probably caught the Aspergers, Chris thought and was about to back away from Magi-Chan when they both noticed something strange as they walked along...
The forest was changing slowly. The leaves on the trees were becoming brittle and falling off in great numbers leaving the branches of the trees bare. The giant flowers were wilting and turning into ruined effigies of their former selves. The water was beggining to run black full of unspeakable and disgusting fluids. Soot and ash fell from the sky, turning the once peaceful blue sky into a sharp orange and black.
Zapbud Fields was falling apart.
"Oh, no no no no...this can't happen yet! It's too soon!" Magi-Chan yelled looking in horror at the wasteland forming around him.
A tree red-hot from the embers falling from the sky collapsed behind them, but as it fell the same disgusting black tar that had proliferated in Kel's cabin burst out of it covering everything in a thick, smelly, viscous fluid. Out of the tar shapes began to appear...
"M-magi-Chan what in uh um Godjesus is goi-going on!?"
Magi-Chan said nothing, and motioned Chris to follow him. Everything around them was in chaos as the forest transformed itself into a wasteland of tar and embers. The same creatures that had attacked Chris before were now in greater number in this transformed Zapbud Fields.
"Ignore them Chris! If we do not make haste we will be late late late!!!"
Chris had no choice but to run for his life. They continued running until they reached the edge of the forest and arrived at a vast desert landscape covered in strange banded sandstone formations. Chris and Magi-Chan looked back at the area they had just left behind. The entire forest was on fire, and they could see that every river that ran through the area had been tainted by the black tar. It was truly a tragic sight to see such a beatiful paradise reduced into such a chaotic hell.
"Wh-who did th-this Magi-Chan? Was...it uh um...one of dem dang dirty TROLLS!? Was it...M-mary Lee W-walsh? Or that das-dastardly Clyde Cash!? Or perhaps it was..."
"I really do not know the answers that you are seeking Chris, If I could help you I would but...I having some....difficulties at the moment..."
Magi Chan looked around uncomfortably at this sentence. Having a lack of knowledge in any situation was new to him, and it made him feel vulnerable and defenseless.
"W-well then........" Chris sat down a tan colored rock once again unsure what to do.
"If you truly wish to seek answers, I would advise to seek the assistance of Wild, he was the one who knew the Zapbud Fields better than anyone else, and this new menace might be an old foe of his...perhaps you should give him a visit?"
Chris looked at Magi-Chan perplexed "Aren't yo-you going to uh um help me ge-get to Wild?"
"Wild and I aren't on the best of terms anymore, and he has a rather...unique way of treating his guests..."
Chris flapped his arms in exasperation "Then wh-what am I uh um supp-supposed to do!? This is out of my p-power!"
Magi-Chan frowned at Chris "Last time I talked to Wild he was going on a mission to apprehend Jason Kendrick Howell at his weapons factory, he was planning to cut off the PVCC's weapon supply"
Magi-Chan climbed on a sandstone formation and scanned the horizon. "See that dot over there? That would be Howell's factory, if anything that should be your first clue to look for Wild."
Chris sighed. The distance between where he was now and the factory had to be at LEAST one billion miles away. Chris wished he had Son-Chu with him, at least he could ride in the passenger seat while his hologram would do all the driving for him.
"Don't worry Chris, even though I will not be with you in person I will always be there to help you in any way I can"
And with a final manic laugh Magi-Chan teleported away, leaving Chris alone in the desert landscape.
---

Crossing the desert was no easy task for Chris and it took Chris several hours for Chris to finally arrive to his destination. Chris was hot, tired, and covered in scrapes from all the times he tripped on the small stones littering the desert but otherwise he was fine.
The factory loomed closer and closer and as Chris got nearer to it he could see the distinct features of it. It was an enormous complex done in an industrial Victorian style covered in thousands of smokestacks belching out dark green smoke into the sky. In addition to the smokestacks, thousands of brass and copper gears and sprockets were quickly spinning and rotating adding a little industrial beauty to the complex. But overall it was a very intimidating place.
Chris felt scared to even take a few steps towards it. But then he realized. Vanquishing the trolls that are destroying the beautiful land of Cwcville is the only way to find a boyfriend-free girl! Chris puffed out his chest and awkwardly marched towards the gigantic brass doors of the complex.

"STOP INTRUDER YOU ARE ENTERING THE DOMAIN OF WILD SONICHU, ALL WILL BE KILLED"
The voice emanated from a large funnel that looked very similar to a phonograph.
"I am THE Christian Weston Chandler, the TRUE and HONEST mayor of Cwcville! I de-demand to be uh um let in to this facility on acc-account of my autism!"
The phonograph said nothing. There was a slight whirring sound as a small panel slid down to reveal a tiny opening barely big enough to slide a package in. Out of the opening a mechanical looking insect flew out of it. The insect was made out of a variety of scrap and gears and had "Flash-Bulb 3000" engraved on its "body. It quickly darted towards Chris aiming it's large stinger made out of a brass hypothermic needle towards his soft, greasy flesh.
Chris tried to dodge the menacing insect but he was too slow for the cunning bit of technology and the mechanical insect stung him directly in the neck pumping him full of whatever was in its needle. Chris felt woozy "What...was....that..."
Chris felt himself fall as the world slowly turned black. Chris could feel himself being dragged by his arms against a rough metal floor. He was too drowsy to open his eyes but he could sense his surroundings in other ways. He could hear the whirring and clanging of machinery, feel the hot steam and vapor rising out of the floor, the clinking of chains, and the taste of metal in the air. Wherever he was it wasn't a safe place for a true autistic warrior such as himself.
"Wh-what....?"
Chris opened his eyes. He couldn't see who his captor was, but he could at least see his surroundings. He was in a massive room full of dangerous-looking machinery churning out sheets of metal, shaping them in a wide variety of shapes and then welding them together. Operating these machines were hundreds of dirty, tired looking people dressed in rags bound to their workplace with heavy metal chains. On a far wall of the factory floor a a massive poster the size of a football field loomed over the workers. It was an intimidating poster showcasing two very familiar faces. Sandy and Wild.
"EMBRACE INDUSTRY!!! EMBRACE EFFICIENCY!!! A BAD WORKER IS A DEAD WORKER!!! AND VICE VERSA!!!"
Several of the disheveled people operating the machines winced at the sound of the voice. It was truly a miserable place to be. Chris' captor stopped in front of a conveyor belt with several people were nervously assembling brass gears and bits of metal into more of the metallic insects that had attacked Chris.
In a cold robotic voice his captor said "This is your workplace. A bad worker is a dead worker. Work until you expire."
Chris felt himself being let go and quickly turned to see the face of the hulking behemoth that had kidnapped him. Expecting a face Chris was shocked to see not flesh and bones, but more gears and metal. His captor was a automaton. With a heavy metallic arm the automaton grabbed a nearby chain and strapped it into Chris leg, preventing his escape. The automaton then beeped once and swiftly wheeled away, possibly to capture more workers for this horrid place. "Oh look they found someone to replace Blazebob, about time too his corpse was starting to stink up the place."
"Don't be unkind now, we can't forget that every life is precious and we must take great care to honor those who have left us. What's your name child?"
Chris turned to the person addressing him. She was a small, kind-looking elderly woman dressed in a neat but threadbare dress. Her face and hands showed the signs and scars of a hard life but she still managed to put a kind smile for the new arrival.
"My name is Ch-Christian uh um Weston Chan-Chandler"
"Well then Christian you better hurry and get started on putting this contraptions together otherwise the foreman may come along..."
"B-but I cann-cannot work in this uh um uh um place be-because I have been through a-alot of STRESS on account of my AUTISM!"
"We'll the foreman doesn't care much about the plights of others and she don't take too kindly to..."
"But da da STRESS..and um um AUTISM!!!"
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?"
All the workers immediately shrank in fear. Several were shaking at the sight of the yellow electric hedgehog who had just stepped in.
"I said....WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?"
The old elderly woman meekly replied.
"I was merely showing this new arrival, on what he has to do...no harm done"
Sandy turned away from the woman. Chris looked at her. Like Magi-Chan, Sandy had changed quite a lot since when Chris last visited Cwcville. Once Sandy had been a bright smiling child with yellow-orange fur and loved to go shopping for sundresses like all women did. But Sandy looked different from then. Sandy was now addorned in a long black dress with a frill-like collar, and a Waspie waist cincher and leather apron and heavy black boots with dozens of straps. She turned to face the old woman. She was incredibly pale as well.
"No....harm....DONE!?!!??!!"
She struck the elderly woman across the face with a black wooden baton causing her to fall down on the ground weeping. She looked down at the old woman and sneered.
"Let this be an example to all of you! Inefficiency will not be tolerated! A bad worker is a dead worker, and vice versa!"
In a nasal tone Chris turned to Sandy and said "No-now why in GodJesus di-did you done hit that dere poor slow-in-da-mind woman?"
These words seemed to have a profound affect in Sandy, and she immediately began to shake and sob hysterically speaking in a panicky voice.
"I'm so sorry, so sorry! My mother, DEAD! My daddy...the mayor...made me do it....are you proud of me mommy....ARE YOU!? They told me to do it...do it...told me...NO I WILL NOT GIVE IN!!!!"
And almost as suddenly as it came, Sandy's sudden bout of remorse disappeared. She turned to Chris and slapped him hard in the face.
"How DARE you, speak to the daughter of a noble and illustrious hero of Cwcville like that! I should have you thrown in the furnace room for your insolence!"
"Bu-but I am the TRUE and..."
*slap*
"No! You are a swine that needs to be punished! I shall take you to see my father! He shall know the method on how to deal with people like you! Perhaps he'll let me keep your glasses as a keepsake!"
Sandy grabbed Chris' arm and took him away from the conveyor belt leaving all the workers with a look of worry.
"At le-least I don' have to um uh wo-work in that place any-anymore..."
---
Sandy was holding Chris' arm in a painful tight way as she led him down a long winding hallway covered in copper pipes and winding gears. The noise from the factory floor was a little less deafening, but not by much.
"Oh ho ho ho! When my father gets a hold of YOU will he be pleased to punish you! He just loves punishing inefficient workers!"
"B-b-but I have uh uh done nuthin' wrong S-S-Sandy, for I am the TRUE and HON-"
Sandy slapped Chris across the face, interrupting his whiny speech. The hallway ended with a large, ornate door covered in engravings of gears and chains. Sandy walked over to a small console with a phonograph funnel coming out of it and pushed a button.
"Father, it is I. I have found another swine who refuses to work. Some rubbish about being true and respectful or some dribble like that"
"I-I-I done said TRUE and HONEST!"
"SHUT UP YOU SWINE!!!"
Out of the phonograph funnel a third voice came out. The voice was tired and slow and reminded Chris of his mother when she woke up from her twelve hour naps.
"I had just woken up Sandy. What is so special about this drone of yours?"
Sandy paused for a moment thinking of a good reason to wake up her father.
"He annoyed me! Now let me in! I want to see you take care of this bumbling moron!"
Wild sighed. He hated getting up when he was in his post-lunch nap, he even hated having to speak to his daughter.
"Fine, come in Sandy I suppose now that you've woken me up we should deal with him."
There was a loud buzz as the massive door opened and Sandy dragged Chris in.
Inside was a large room the size of Chris' entire home with brass tables and chairs and a large ornate bed done in solid gold taking up a large portion of the room. But the most interesting aspect was the massive window that took up the majority of the wall space. Beyond the glass of the window Chris could see another room similar to the one he had been dragged out of full of massive cranes moving pieces of metal that had been manufactured in the factory floor being lifted up and welded together. Chris did not like what was being built and he felt a unexplained terror and fear at the cranes placing the metal together, and with every second he could feel his fear grow.
"So this is the worker eh?"
Chris turned to Wild. Wild had evidently just finished getting dressed. The industrial setting of the factory did not suit Wild well. Even though he was sharply dressed in a dark beige suit and top hat with goggles perched on top, Wild looked sickly and his quills and fur were darker in color than Chris' had remembered. He had also grown much fatter since he last saw him.
"Hmmmm yes, I see..."
Wild was inspecting Chris from all angles with a pair of complicated glasses with dozens of lens.
"Well Sandy I think you may have finnaly done something useful you have found-"
"W-w-wild why do you um uh uh need these slow-in-da-mind pe-people to work for yo-you, if you can use yer po-powers to to make your thing?"
Wild sighed and replied without making eye-contact with Chris
"Because making what I'm making is hard work, and why should I do something hard when I can just get people to do it for me? And besides by getting these people to work for me I can get them jobs where they would otherwise be doing stupid things like....and stuff"
Chris felt the grip in his arm slacken as Sandy fell into another fit.
"N-no-no they made me...do it...do it...so much blood..why why WHY!? Mother are you proud of me.....proud of me? ARE YOU!!??! I had to kill...them....I had to....why?"
Wild lazily walked up to Sandy and in a half-hearted tone said
"There, there dear it's all right it's not your fault it was the fault of those dang dirty trolls."
Sandy calmed down, but she was still twitching slightly.
"Father...you mentioned something about this man....what was it?"
Sonichu smiled slightly as he slumped down in a chair.
"Sandy, we have found the true and honest mayor of Cwcville"
And with a malevolent smile Sandy pushed a button on the wall.
---
The moment Sandy pressed the button on the wall a panel in one of the walls opened up and two menacing automatons wheeled out, sputtering smoke from out of a tiny smokestack on their head.
"Mr.Wild what is your request?"
Wild walked over to the two automatons and leaning against a column in the room lazily said.
"I want you to take Mr. Christian Weston Chandler over to the Furnace Room. He has committed many crimes against us, and he must be punished for what he has done"
Sandy was diddy with glee. She began jumping up and down singing wildly
"The fat man is gonna get it! The fat man is gonna get it!"
Chris was puzzled.
"Wh-what in GodJesus are y'all tal-talking about? I di-did nothing uh um wrong! I am as tru-true and honest as the sea is full of uh...um... fi-fishes!"
Wild turned to Chris, with an angry look in his eyes. The hatred was clearly visible to everyone in the room, and for a moment even Sandy's sadism was interrupted by Wild's malevolent stare.

"You truly don't remember do you? The war? The Operation you put together? The Fire?"
"N-No I do not! Wh-what is this slan-slander you uh um be spea-speaking about?"
Wild turned at Chris. Wild only responded by pushing him down unto the floor. Chris felt frightened by this sudden change in movement but something strange happened. The moment his head hit the cold marble floor his head seemed to split open as images began to flood into his mind.
"Th-the people of Cwc-cwcville are too wea-weak Sonichu...they need to be STRONGER, like uh um me!"
Sonichu looked at his father in admiration.
"You're right father, you are such a genius!"
Sonichu paused for a moment.
"But how can we make the people of your illustrious city stronger if the forces of the PVCC keep interfering?"
Chris sighed. He despised the PVCC, always going on with their mad ideas and preventing Chris from finding a boyfriend-free girl. But it struck him, a way he could make the people of Cwcville stronger...AND get rid of the PVCC.
"Soni-sonichu, the uh um solution is uh um SIMPLE!"
"Yes, father what is it?"
We need to*clang* out the *clang* and that*clang* only the *clang* remain *clang*
Chris snapped out of his flashback. His head was throbbing with immense pain. Sandy had been hitting Chris across the head with a brass pipe.
"Wake up! Wake up! How on earth can we dispose of you if you cannot feel the pain of an 890 degree furnace!"
Chris stirred
"Oh good, the swine has finally woken up!"
*clang*
Chris felt a strong blow on the side of his head. Blood trickled down his temple staining his favorite red and blue striped shirt.
"Now, now Sandy. I think you've tenderized this pig far enough oh my am I tired, I think I'm going to sit through this execution and simply take another nap. Good day Sandy, and goodbye Christian Weston Chandler"
Wild turned away from Chris and climbed into the gigantic bed immediately falling asleep.
"Well then, more fun for me then!"
The automatons grabbed Chris tightly around the arms and lifted him up.
"This way you pieces of corroded metal! I didn't design the lot of you for staying around collecting dust and grime!"
The automatons beeped and carried Chris away, following Sandy's path to the furnace room.
---

Chris sighed. Why was everyone being so mean to him? First Magi-Chan told him that he wasn't the TRUE and HONEST mayor of Cwcville, then that one lady...did something, Sandy had hit him, and Wild wouldn't tell Chris were Sonichu was! And worst of all, he was hungry again!
Chris sighed once more. He knew what was going on. They were all just jealous of how creative and talented he was, and wanted to bully him on account of his autism. Why did everyone he met love to play Kick the Autistic?
"Oh ho ho ho! The furnace room is my favorite manner of disposing of workers, did you know that? Sure it doesn't compare to drilling someone repeatedly, but I suppose this is fitting for what you did to everyone."
The hallway Chris was being dragged down was sloping ever so slightly down. The air has hotter and steamier down here, and Chris began to sweat profusely.
"I sti-still have no-no idea what you are uh um g-g-going on about!"
"Well it's simple, you are the one who-"
*BOOM!*
A large explosion tore through the room scattering large gears and jagged pieces of metal flying through the air. Sandy was knocked back and screamed as an automaton fell and landed on her legs
"Get off you horrific piece of garbage! You are hurting me greatly!"
Chris could feel the slack of his captors slackening, and saw that tiny gears had been embedded into the mechanisms of both automatons, effectively destroying them.
A group of figures emerged from out of the dust. The workers from the conveyor belt.
"He's here! Guys he's here the one that he called for!"
Chris looked at the person at the head of the group. It was the same old lady who had been struck down by Sandy. Sandy recognized her and began to scream in rage
"I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS YOU WHO DID THIS!?! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN AS FOOLISH AS TO HAVE LET YOU LIVE?!
The old woman grabbed a heavy bit of pipe and hit Sandy in the head, effectively knocking her out
“That's for before, you wretched abomination!”
The old kindly looking walked gracefully over to Chris and smiled.
"You have certainly caused a ruckus here young man! But never mind that...there's someone important here who wishes to speak to you, about this new evil that is destroying Cwcville"
Chris looked at the old woman.
"Ho-how can I tr-trust you? How do I know you uh um are not another dang dirty troll?
The old woman smiled once more, only pausing to adjust a pin of a neon green pickle on her dress.
"Well dearie, I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice"
And with that Christian followed her.
---
The passageway the group of escapees were leading him down was a dark and steamy place. Millions of pipes ran the course of the cramped passageway, wrapping around each other, twisting together, then separating into different directions in an almost vine-like manner. Leaking out of the pipes hot steam was leaking out of small leaks in the brass pipes. It reminded Chris of descriptions of the Amazon Rainforest he vaguely listened to in Manchester high.
Scrambling over a pipe the size of a tree trunk, Chris almost stepped on a large clinking object. It was a old. Rusty mechanical spider covered in gears and bits of metal. It didn't look like it was in the best of shape and the lightbulb that made up its thorax flickered weakly. It reared it's sharp fangs made out of metal at Chris. Chris jumped away at the sight clanging several pipes in the process.
"Oh don't worry about those dearie, they're just hiding out here to avoid being destroyed by that cruel man who now runs this place. Poor dears never even got a chance to show their full potential, which is why Jason outfitted them all to protect these passageways from those wasp-thingies."
"I w-w-wasn't afr- I wasn't afraid! I wa-was just DEMONSTRATING my str-str-STRENGTH and POWER!"
The old woman smiled at Chris and continued traversing the twisted passageway, leading the group deeper and deeper into the dark maze of the steamworks. It wasn't until a few hours later did they finally arrive at a large open space. Made out of pipes, an entire section of pipes had been re-arranged into a large spacious room with all the essentials for hiding from a sadistic psycho bitch with random bouts of temporary remorse and her lazy and cruel father. But Chris wasn't focused at the features of the room. He was focused on the sole person in the room, a man that Chris thought he would never had to deal ever again...
"Y-YOU!? You we-were the one who um uh called me?!"
Jason did not look well. Although he was still wearing his usual cape and eyepatch that he loved so much, he was thin and pale, covered in a patchwork of scars and bruises that looked like they would never heal.
"Yes....it is I...Jason Kendrick Howell...."
Jason's voice was weak and frail and he struggled to stay upright in the bed that had been fashioned out of discarded gears and pipes with several layers of blankets for comfort. Chris stared at the frail man in hatred. This was the man who was probably responsible for the destruction of the Zapbud Fields! He was a dang dirty troll who only existed to spread mockery and hurt his chances at getting a boyfriend free girl! Chris reached for his belt to grab his sword, but he noticed that the Blade of Metotric was not there.
"I assume...you are looking...for this?..."
Jason pointed towards a large sword covered in lightning designs. It was Chris' sword alright.
"A fellow by the name of 'Magi-Chan' gave it to me, saying that you would need it"
Chris was furious. Magi-Chan was working for the trolls! He couldn't believe it. Jason sensed Chris' anger and raised a hand to stop Chris from yelling.
"Do not worry Chris...I am here to help you...our interests are the same..."
"A-are th-they uh um REALLY!?"
"Yes...yes...they are....you see this is my factory-"
"THA-THAT YOU USED UH UM TO MA-MAK-KE WEAPONS FOR THE DANG PVCC!!!"
The old woman looked at this scene uncomfortably and said
"Chris, I'm sorry to tell you...but that is not true...Jason Kendrick Howell did work for the PVCC, but this factory used to be a factory for making....toys"
Chris turned to the old woman.
"And ho-how in GodJesus would you uh um know?!"
Jason Kendrick Howell looked at Chris and said in the most powerful voice he could muster.
"You and your creations have scarred this land Chris, corrupting it at every chance. We've all lived through hell these last two years and hardly any of us remain. While we were here burning and suffering from your neglect you were content in ignoring our cries. And even now you fail to acknowledge that fact...you are truly pitiful.
Chris sighed. He had no idea what Jason was going on about. Why was everyone accusing him of destroying Cwcville?
"But there is another problem on top of your neglect"
Chris turned to Jason in interest. Maybe the answers to the horrible creatures would be answered.
"A few weeks ago things got worse. More and more reports came in from around the land saying that areas of Cwcville were being completely wiped off the face of this land...with no knowledge of the source, except that every area about to be destroyed contains vast amounts of this mysterious...sludge"
Chris remembered the fate of the Zapbud Fields
"And now...your two abominations are constructing something from that very same corruption destroying this land...and I'm afraid they intend to release it upon Cwcville...we need your help in preventing them from doing this...to save Cwcville!"
Chris sighed. He hated work.
"Bu-but I cannot he-help you on account of my AUTISM"
Jason was not pleased at this.
"I believe you have blamed enough things on others rather than taking responsibility young man, and unless you want to be killed in a horrible slow death, I insist on listening to my plea"
Chris sighed and reluctantly listened "Al-alright..."
"As you may notice...I am incredibly injured...although my 'dark powers' keep me alive, they do not prevent me from being permanently injured..."
Jason lifted up his sheets to show the rest of his maimed body. Chris felt a shiver down his spine.
"When your ex-comrades Sandy and Wild came over to my factory intending to cease my non-existent weapons operations, they put me quite an ordeal. They tortured me, beat me, burned me...the works. But I could not die. No matter what they tried I could not die. So they tried disposing of me by dumping my body down into the steamworks...hoping that I would be forgotten."
Jason smiled
"It's a pity that they forgot that my creations do not abandon me so easily, the spiders that you no doubt saw in the corridor were my saviors. They saved me from an existence of endless torment. They brought me food, light, water, and even entertained me. They were a true comfort in the hell your creations threw me in"
Chris felt impatient at Jason's speech
"An-And wha-And what do you uh um want with me-e?"
Jason straightened himself a little taller in his bed and stared directly into Chris' eyes>
"There is one way to get me back to my old fighting self...I need Sonichu Crystals...and it just happens that Wild and Sandy have two in their possession"
Chris sighed. More work...
---
The passage way back to the upper reaches of the factory was even more treacherous than the one they had used to get to Jason's lair. They were on the hunt for the two Sonichu Crystals under Wild's and Sandy's possession. Jason was being carefully carried by one of the stronger escapees, but he would still occasionally groan in pain once in a while.
"God..ouch..dammit Christian....why did you have to make....ouch....your creations so damn....ouch...violent!"
Chris sighed
"My-my creati- my creations are no-no NOT violent!"
The old woman snorted out of earshot of Chris.
"An-And besides I cannot he-help it on account of my-my-my AUTISM"
Jason his face already screwed in pain from being moved from his room showed signs of anger and frustration in his face.
"Would you...ow...please stop blaming...ouch...your damn autism for everything!? Take responsibility for once in your life! Ouch!"
Chris sighed in response.
A faint orange light shimmered in front of them, slightly blocked by the millions of pipes. The sounds of churning gears and heavy machinery could be heard in the direction of the orange light. Jason motioned the group to stop. His face showed relief as they finally stopped moving, and the heavily muscled escapee gently placed Jason in a jumble of pipes perfect to sit in.
"Alright everyone, up ahead is the construction hall of this place, originally it was the place where the toys would be packaged and shipped but now..." Jason turned to Chris "Things are very different"
"And what are they building up ahead? I mean they must have captured us for a reason right?"
Jason had a dark look in his face.
"I'm not entirely sure what it is that they are building, but it must be put to a stop. The corruption that has been plaguing this land has started since that behemoth began getting built. But if we want any chance of disabling it, I need to be restored to my full potential."
The old woman turned to Chris.
"And that's where you come in dearie"
Chris stared at everyone in the passageway. A bit of water was dripping on his head from the pipes.
"Wh-what do you wa-want me to do?"
Jason motioned to the heavily muscled man who had carried him. The man pulled the heavy rucksack he had slung over his back and pulled out a jumbled mess of metal and gears.
"As it just so happens you are the only one of us who has the correct...stature...to mimic one of those confounded automatons"
Chris looked at the costume. It looked heavy and sharp, and he doubted it could play PS3 on it.
"And of course, in case things go wrong we will give you your sword and a person to escort you discreetly"
Jason looked around the room
"Any volunteers? Anyone? Come on people!"
No one stepped forward and an awkward silence rang out.
"Oh for heaven sakes! I'm almost ninety and I'm the one who has to step forward to protect this child!? Jason I shall do it."
Jason looked at the old woman uncertainly for a second
"Alright then Avery, stay a few paces behind Chris and make sure he doesn't give himself away."
Avery nodded solemnly
"Well then I think it's time you two go get those Sonichu Crystals and find a way to destroy that contraption that they are constructing!"
---
The room in which Chris and Avery entered was even larger than the factory floor that they had been forced to work in. It was also a lot more intimidating. There were massive cranes all over the room, picking up pieces of black metal and placing them unto the creation in the center. It was a very strange thing, It looked vaguely like a Gothic cathedral...but it it had a hull, propeller, and bow and coming out of the top of it was a massive funnel not unlike those found on ships.
"It looks...like a...."
Chris knew what it looked like.
"It's a-a-a tugboat"
Its menacing presence seemed to entrance both Chris and Avery for a few minutes. Avery snapped back into reality.
"Oh dear, we better hurry Chris and find those crystals for Jason!"
Avery rushed forward towards a large generator on the other side of the room. Chris was still staring at the Tugboat. The Tugboat frightened Chris and he felt lightheaded staring at it. He heard a distant voice
calling him. He looked up and waddled over to were Avery was. She was fiddling with the generator.
"Those poor fools, thinking that the Sonichu Crystals would suffice as a conductor for this contraption"
Chris heard a crunch of metal as Avery ripped two glowing crystal objects from the machine. The machine began to whine and make a series of loud and painful sounds. Gears and springs shot out of it at random, until it finally broke down.
Chris looked at the two objects in Avery's hands. They were Sonichu Crystals alright. They were both about the size of an orange, one was colored a cheerful sunny-looking yellow while the other was a vibrant and energetic green.
"I'm going to get these to Jason, you wait here and watch out for anything suspicious"
Suddenly a shrill voice sounded out causing both Avery and Chris to shiver in fear,
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE YOU SWINE!!!"
And standing above them in a scaffold with a bandage across her head, holding a heavy metal rod covered in sharp spines was none other, than Sandy and Wild.

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Spoiler

"Well!? I want an explanation!"
Chris and Avery whimpered in fear of Sandy's harsh voice that managed to sound over the deafening noise of the assemblage of the Tugboat. But Chris noticed something...Sandy was staring only at Avery...
"Well you miserable old fool!? What do you think you are doing with my Sonichu Crystals"
Next to her Wild yawned and in a tired voice remarked
"They're not just yours my daughter, or do you forget all I went through to get them from that disgusting and deplorable troll Jason?"
Sandy looked annoyed at her father
"But I'm the one who put them to use! I'm the one who designed the automatons! I deserve SOME credit!"
Wild yawned and saw Chris.
"You there, take those Crystals away from that worker and put them back in their place...and afterwards punish her yourself...I'm much too tired to do anything today "
Chris was confused for a second and then remembered that he was wearing the disguise Jason had given him. Trying his best to imitate the voice of the soulless automatons Chris put on an even more robotic and emotionless voice than usual.
"Yes, r-right away sir, I shall do this for you, be-because I am a robot"
Wild frowned for a second and Chris felt his hairs stand on end as fear slowly trickled up his spine.
"Sandy make sure to have that automaton checked out...It's voice module seems to have been damaged..."
Chris walked over to Avery imitating the automatons usual graceful glide. Avery mimed fear as Chris approached, and out of the corner of her mouth whispered.
"On the count of three, I want you to take these Crystals and throw them down the hole we came from..."
Chris nodded slightly
"One....two....THREE!"
Avery shoved the Sonichu Crystals into Chris' hands and Chris immediately broke into a run. Although he was very very fat and could hardly move his legs, Chris was far too motivated by the fear of Sandy and the Tugboat and made it to the hole they had come from.
"B-b-bombs away!"
Chris threw the two Sonichu Crystals down into the hole, seeing their yellow and green glow dissapearing into the dark passageway, swallowed by the intense dark. Sandy was not pleased
"WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING YOU RUSTY PILE OF SHIT!?!?!?"
Sandy began banging the wall with her fists in frustration while Wild opened his eyes from a brief nap.
"What is troubling you now my daughter?" Wild said wearily clearly indifferent to his daughter's troubles.
"THAT CUCKOO CLOCK REJECT JUST THREW MY SONICHU CRSYTALS DOWN THAT HOLE!!!"
Wild looked alarmed
"He did...WHAT!?"
Wild stared at Chris
"Who do you think you are!!!"
Chris pulled off his disguise, revealing his true form.
"I am-am the TRUE and HONEST m-mayor of Cwcville! And I am-am here to BREAK YOU DEAD!!!"
Wild and Sandy laughed.
"And what do you think you could possibly do old boy? You're just a mere manchild all alone in this world!”
Suddenly a deep and powerful voice emerged from the hole.
"He isn't alone, he has us!"
Rising out of the hole was Jason, but he looked vastly different from his previous form. He was tall and muscular and looked extremely healthy, his cape was blowing in the steam of the factory floor and he had a fierce look in his eye that showed an obvious sense of strength and determination.
Wild and Sandy were stunned.
"Y-you!? No that's not possible we disposed of you years ago!"
Jason laughed softly
"Never assume something has been fixed because you hid it away,"
Jason turned to Chris and handed the Sonichu Crystals back to him
"Here you go, you may need these some other day, but for now WE FIGHT!!!"
At the words a large group of disheveled workers streamed out of the hole in the wall, all wielding a series of make-shift weapons welded together from gears and pipes. All of them had the same fierce look as Jason.
A laughter ran out from the scaffold. Sandy was full of glee.
"What is so funny my daughter?"
"Hahahaha! Now I get to kill them all! Each and every single one of them is going to die from my hands!"
Sandy began cackling madly and pushed a button on a console. Hatches on the walls and ceiling opened up and out of the openings hundreds of automatons and mechanical wasps flew or wheeled into the factory floor, filling any space not taken by the Tugboat
Jason smirked.
"You think you're the only one with pets? Come on out my friends! It is time to re-claim your rightful place!"
Once again movement was sensed in the hole behind Chris, as the sounds of thousands of mechanical legs were clinking on the pipes. Jason's friends were coming to join the fight.
Chris was dumbfounded at the scene in front of him. This had never happened in Cwcville before.
"Kill them all! Kill every single swine you see! And bring me the head of Christian Weston Chandler! Both forces charged at eachother, and the sounds of breaking bones, ripped flesh, clanging metal, and broken glass now sounded throughout the factory floor.
A large automaton wheeled towards Chris with its fists raised to strike him. Chris raised his sword with trembling hands.
*CRASH!*
The automaton in front of him layed completely destroyed, crushed by Jason's incredible strength.
"You don't worry about these monstrosities! Find a way to destroy that thing"
Jason pointed towards the Tugboat, and Chris nodded running towards it.
Wild looked at the scene below him, and sighed.
"Looks like it is time for I to join the battle isn't it?"
Sandy looked indignant
"And what of me Father? I can assist you?"
Wild looked unconcerned at his daughter
"No, no you stay here and...supervise"
Wild removed his coat and jumped down into the chaos of the battle.
---

Although Wild was known around the factory for his immense laziness and hatred of stress, he surprised all of the escaped workers in the utter strength and speed he displayed as he joined the battle.
Wild lunged at the nearest worker and grabbed him by the arm. The worker screamed in fright as she tried to escape.
"Hmmm, you could use something to make you go quiet"
Wild pulled out a small green bean from his pocket and forced it down the throat of the worker and dropped her from his grasp.
She scrambled to her feet with a face of panic, unsure what was going to happen. A trickle of bloodran down her temple as a small green tendril burrowed its way out of her skull. The worker screamed in agony as thousands of leaves and stems forced their way out of the top of her head. She finally dropped to the ground dead, as the pile of vegetation wilted away in the intense heat of the factory.
Wild looked across the room searching for at a more suitable opponent. That's when he spotted him. A fat, balding man wearing an oil-stained striped shirt holding two spherical objects in his hands the size of oranges running towards the Tugboat. Wild ran across the room, knocking over automatons and workers alike.
Wild suddenly felt himself fly backwards as the force of something large and heavy hit him squarely in the chest.
"Thought, you could hurt him huh?"
Wild looked up from where he was knocked down. Jason looked down at him with a confident grin and unlike the other workers, was completely unarmed.
"I think it's time for us to finally settle this. Right now. To the death."
Jason smiled
"I would be insulted if you didn't"
Wild bent down and grabbed a pipe with a piece of serrated metal at the the end. Jason did the same.
"It's funny, but I always knew that this factory was never working for the PVCC I just wanted to-"
*clink*
The battle between Wild and Jason began. They were both evenly matched in every way possible. Anger and hatred burned through their eyes as they swung their weapons at each other. The others in the battle had formed a circle around the two to avoid getting killed or broken by the two fierce individuals. Whoever lived after this battle would be the ruler of the Steampunk Factory
Meanwhile, Sandy looked down at the entire scene with a look of utter discontent, but then she spotted her. The same old woman who had rebelled against her. Avery was facing off against 3 automatons at the same time, armed only with a club made out of gears and copper wire.
"Get back! Get back! I am not afraid to get my dress dirty!"
Avery saw the yellow figure flying at her from the corner of her eye.
"DIE YOU MISERABLE BITCH!"
Sandy flew at Avery from the scaffold, wielding a pair of rusty iron drills. Avery chuckled slightly
"I see the young lady has finally returned to her mother's old ways"
Sandy tried to swipe at Avery with her drills again.
"Poor child, full of remorse she cannot show because of the lies her father fed to her"
Sandy screamed at her
"MY FATHER DID NO SUCH THING!!!!"
"Then why do you suffer so much child? Why do kill all those people?"
Sandy began to sob in between attacks
"Because *sob* they *sob* my *sob* MOTHER!!!!! That's why *sob I HAD to kill them!!!"
Avery laughed softly
"You had to kill them? If memory serves right, you were convinced and then forced by your father to kill them...or did he?"
Sandy broke down
"No no no no no no no!!!! They...MADE ME DO IT!!!!!!! I didn't want to!!!! My mother...my mind!!!"
Avery walked over to Sandy with a look of disgust
"No, nobody forced you dearie. You made your own decisions that night by mutilating, torturing and then killing those four men and the sooner you take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming your misfortunes on others...the quicker you can move on..."
Sandy looked at Avery with a feeling she hadn't felt in years. Hope.
"I killed so many people...and I blamed my actions for so long...and the acts I've commited...it’s too much..."
Avery sighed
"The path to redemption is painful child"
"Well I am-"
*BBBBBBBRRRRRRTTTTTTT!!!!!"*
Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing at the sound. Literally the silence that permeated the room was an extreme contrast to what it was before. Chris was almost at the Tugboat, but something...was wrong.
At the hull of the Tugboat, like condensation on a lemonade glass, black tar began to appear on the Tugboat. The smokestack at the top of the Tugboat roared into life and began aggresively spewing out black smoke and red-hot embers.The black tar was now increasing in number and began to flood the factory floor. People began to scream.
"Hahahaha Yes! YES! Let the madness begin!"
Wild was laughing in glee at the sight of the Gothic styled Tugboat roaring to life.
Out of the tar shapes began to manifest. Chris could see people and automatons alike being ripped and torn into shreds.
Jason looked in horror at all this. The entire factory complex began to tremble. The Tugboat was beggining to move, using the black tar as a method of transportation while spreading it further. Gears and sheets of metal began to fall from the ceiling
"Chris! Chris!"
Chris ran towards Jason
"J-Jason Ken-Kendrick Howell! What do we-we do now!?" Jason looked at the destruction forming around him. The Tugboat was now crashing through the walls of the factory, scattering more gears and metal to the ground, adding to the chaos of injured and screaming people. Sandy and Avery were nowhere to be found.
"You must go see he who only helps himself!"
The shaking was getting worse and the cranes that had spawned the Tugboat were now crashing down on everyone "Wh-who is uh um th-that person!?"
A piece of crane fell and crushed Wild.
"Go to Cwcville Beach Boardwalk!"
There was a deafening roar as the Tugboat destroyed the remaining supports of the factory and the entire complex came raining down on Chris and Jason. Chris felt a heavy piece of metal fall on him and he felt the world go black as he drifted away.....
---
"........Chris............Chris? Chris!"
Chris opened his eyes. He could feel the cool rush of a gentle stream rushing by his side, and the sound of bidcall. He was facing Valerie and Gregg.
"Oh thank god he's alright! How could you do this to him!?"
Gregg looked indignant "Me?! He's the one who went running off when I told him to mop the floors, blaming his aspergers or something like that!"
Chris blinked for a few moments.
"Ho-how long have I been ou-out?"
"About an hour, why do you ask?"
Chris was puzzled. He was gone for at least A WEEK. Chris suddenly remembered something.
"Ca-can I um clea-clean that there um uh hallway now?"
Gregg looked bewildered, while Valerie looked concerned and said "Are you sure? You hit your head pretty bad when you tripped into the stream, I think it's best that you rest"
Chris looked at Valerie "N-no no I have to ah uh um work to stay he-here"
Gregg snorted "Well what about your AUTISM as you put it?"
Chris sighed "No-no I haz to ta-take respon-responsibility for my uh um ACTIONS and no-not blame it on other things or people...as such"
Gregg and Valerie stared at Chris as he left into the asylum. Valerie spoke first.
"I must speak to Dr.Bleuaspitzeh about this..."
---
"It's amazing Dr.Bleuaspitzeh! One moment Mr.Chandler is refusing to work and blaming external factors for his behavior, and now he's working hard and taking responsibility!"
Valerie was excitedly chatting away in front of Max who had just finished another therapy session with Chris. The yellow clay medallion that he would use in his therapy layed on his desk Valerie always wondered where he got such a gaudy bauble, but she couldn't help but feel like she'd seen it before...
"Yes, yes Valerie that's very good news. But unfortunatly Mr.Chandler has also neglected in his duty to forget the past. It's been 4 days since he has arrived at this asylum and his progress has been minimal"
Valerie frowned slightly. This was a common predicament for Valerie. Whenever a patient showed any signs of improvement, Dr.Bleuaspitzeh brushed it off and focused on the fact that they wouldn't forget their past. But Valerie thought that he was a brilliant man, and that he knew what was best for the patients.
"It's just that he seems so different from before, and this new change is so very sudden! I was just wondering if you knew about this"
"Hmmm I suppose change is a good thing, after all change is the first step in forgetting"
Valerie felt at a loss for words. She didn't know what to say.
"Well I have to leave now Dr.Bleuaspitzeh, today is movie night for the patients and Mr.Parker has an...interesting prospect concerning the nature of the film."
As Valerie turned to leave out of his office Dr.Bleuaspitzeh called out to Valerie
"Wait! Could you please call Mr.Chandler to my office! I had forgotten to tell him something that I meant to share with him!"
Valerie turned around
"Of course Doctor, I shall tell Mr.Chandler you request his appearance...but may I ask...why? I mean no offense but you had just had therapy with him, and the patients do get jealous if you spend more time with one than you do to the others."
Dr.Bleauspitzeh adjusted the glasses on his bony nose.
"A visitor requested to speak to Mr.Chandler and he must report to her immediately"
"A stranger? Who is it?"
"Some woman named Rochelle, she used to be his pastoral counselor"
Valerie felt a slight shiver down her spine
"And...this woman...what does she want from Chris..."
"I don't have the faintest idea, but familiar faces may steer Chris away from a path of madness"
Valerie bit her lip
"Well go on then Nurse Valerie, call Mr.Chandler and arrange an escort to take Chris to Mrs. Shoemaker's home"
"Right away Dr.Bleuaspitzeh"
As Valerie walked away, Dr.Bleuaspitzeh couldn't help but smile slightly.
---
Valerie walked down the hallway from Dr.Bleuaspitzeh's office. Her pace was quick and her white pumps made loud audible clicking sounds as she walked down the hallway. She didn't like that Chris had to see this Rochelle woman, after all usually patients aren't allowed to venture outside the asylum except for a few select occasions such as holidays and field trips, and even then they are usually accompanied by a team of armed orderlies.
Valerie entered the Rec Room, scanning the room for Chris. The patients were doing their usual routines: playing games, speaking to themselves, rocking backing forth, or just staring at the wall. She spotted him. He was sitting on a couch talking to a young woman with short black hair done in a bobcut wearing a long fake pearl necklace.
"Co-Come on! I uh um asked you on a date so you can be my-my-my swe-sweatheart!"
The young woman looked extremely nervous and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. She responded by shaking her head vigorously and muttering under her breath.
"OH CO-COME ON!!!"
Chris' outburst was the breaking point for the young woman, and she began to have a panic attack shaking and screaming on the couch. Valerie rushed forward and placed her arms around the screaming patient.
"There there Michelle it's going to be all right"
Michelle did not calm down. Valerie frowned as she started to sing softly to her the same poem that Chris had heard from her the first morning at the asylum.
"The boat is coming with its shiny stern.
With comfy seats and a propeller of stars.
So hush my little one, have no fear.
The man in the moon is the engineer..."
At once the crying and screaming of the woman stopped and like a zombie she stood up and walked away into a corner, staring at the white-washed wall without uttering a word. Valerie turned to Chris with an angry look.
"Why were you harassing that poor woman?"
Chris looked down at the floor
"I wa-was try-trying to attract a boyfr-boyfriend-free girl to make uh um into a sweetheart from the ground up so I can have the hanky pan-panky and no longer be a virgin with rage..."

"And what makes you think she'd say yes? She was obviously very uncomfortable by you! You even made her have a panic attack!"
Chris puffed his chest out and in a smug voice said "Be-Because I am STRONG and I uh um I am HANDSOME, but all da pretty girls do-dont notice me be-because y'all are too busy with your that
there uh um shopping and such as"
Valerie shook her head in disbelief. How could someone be so sexist and vain? Valerie decided against telling Chris off and changed the subject.
"Chris, Dr.Bleuaspitzeh wants you to go visit someone. He thinks it might be good for you."
Chris stood up straighter
"Is she-she a boyfriend uh um free girl?"
"No, her name is....Rochelle Shoemaker."
Valerie said her name through clenched teeth. There was definitely something off about this woman, but she couldn't put her finger on it...
Chris reacted by slumping his shoulders and sighing.
"Alright, I'll go-go talk to Rocky"
"Good, I've arranged an escort to take you to her house this afternoon. If you hurry you may be back in time for movie night!"
Chris looked around the room
"Whe-where is my my escort?"
"He should be around here...Oh no..."
Gregg Parker was walking up to them with a clipboard and a tranquilizer gun. Valerie groaned at the sight of him.
"I'm glad you're happy to see me"
Gregg laughed loudly.
"You're the escort Dr.Bleuaspitzeh picked to escort Mr.Chandler?"
Gregg looked abashed.
"Yeah, So? What's wrong with me?"
"Nothing, nothing....It's just you can be a little...reckless"
Gregg snorted
"At least I don't coddle the patients like you do."
Valerie looked at Gregg indignant
"Coddle them? I do not coddle them!"
"Really? Oh yeah, well what movie are you going to be showing them tonight?"
Valerie looked away in shame
"......veggietales"
Gregg leaned towards Valerie with his hand to his ear.
"Excuse me, I couldn't hear that?"
"Veggietales alright! I'm showing them Veggietales!"
Gregg couldn't control his laughter. Valerie shot Gregg a look of annoyance and said
"And what movie did you pick?!"
Gregg dramatically pulled out of his pocket a small DVD case.
"The Untouchables! It's a classic!"
Valerie looked aghast
"That film is much too violent for these patients!"
Gregg smiled at her protest
"Well as I remember our wager was that we can pick whatever movie that we want and it would be up to the patients to pick what they want to watch"
Valerie bit her lip
"Well then, I want to change my movie!"
Gregg chuckled
"Nuh uh, you made your choice cow you have to stick with it! Come on Chris we should get going"
Chris stood up from the couch and stared at Gregg
"Don't stand so close to me bud, you're giving me the creeps"
Chris took a step back
"Alrighty then, let's get going. I want to be back here in time to see Valerie's face twist with anger at her defeat!"
Valerie nervously laughed
"Please! These patients love me, they wouldn't give up my love for a better film"
Gregg chuckled again
"If you say so, alright come on Chris"
Chris hung his head and meekly followed Gregg out of the Rec Room
---

Chris stared at the metal wall of the van he was being driven in. It had been months since he had last seen anyone from his former life. After the incident at the Gameplace he had not spoken to anyone he knew. His mother was in prison, his few friends never visited, and until now he hadn't spoken to Rocky.
Chris felt himself be shaken around as the van drove over a rough patch of road.
"Sorry about that buddy, the road to this Rochelle woman's house is really bumpy."
Chris sighed and said
"Th-then can can you drive- then can you-you drive a bit SLOWER?"
Gregg laughed
"No can do, we gotta get there quick or were going to miss movie night!
And I'm not letting that uptight nurse torture those guys with another Friday of kiddy bullshit."
Chris looked out the front window to get a better glimpse of where they were going. They were driving along the countryside with trees and fields whooshing pat the van in a green-olive blur. He'd never been to Rocky's house before, Chris had only met with her at the Church. Chris felt comfort that he'd finally get to speak to Rocky, he knew that she would be able to get him out of that stressful place full of slow-in-da-mind people and mean jerks with vans.
The sound of gravel crunching under the wheels of the van told Chris that they were entering the driveway of someone's house. The door of the van slid open and the light of a sunny afternoon almost blinded Chris.
"C'mon Chris, the sooner you speak to Ms.Shoemaker, the better."
Chris sighed and stepped out of the van. He was standing in the yard of a sumptuous white house with light blue trimming. The house looked out of place in the countryside of Virginia and looked like something that would belong in the beaches of Maine. A windchime made of shells and coral tinkled lazily in the wind. The dorr to the house opened and an elderly woman with white hair and a light blue sundress decorated in starfish and shells greeted Chris with outstretched arms.
"Oh my goodness Christian it has been a long time!"
"Hmm...ye-yes it has bee-been..."
Rocky turned to Gregg Parker and introduced herself in a kind grandmotherly voice.
"Hello, my name is Rochelle Shoemaker but you may call me Rocky."
Gregg stepped forward and shook hands with Rocky.
"Uh, hello Miss Rocky my name is Greggory, but everyone just calls me Gregg"
Rocky smiled warmly at Gregg.
"Would you like to join us for tea? It won't be long"
Gregg smiled sadly
"No I'm sorry Miss Rocky I have a few errands to run while you and Chris are talking and I will be back soon"
"Well that's alright then dearie, I'll just pack a few tea cakes for when you return so you can eat them on the way back"
Gregg smiled in appreciation
"That's sounds very kind of you. Well I'll see both of you in a bit, you take care now Chris"
Gregg walked away from Chris and climbed into his van and drove away.
Rocky turned to Chris
"Well now, let's get you inside I want to catch up on everything that has happened!
---

The inside of Rocky's home was just a light and airy as the outside. The walls were painted white and covered with delicate paintings of coral reefs and tropical fish. The tables and mantelpiece were covered in glass figurines of dolphins and fish swimming. And in the corner a large aquarium full of brighly colored fish and seaweed cast shimmering lights across the room, making Chris feel like he was at the bottom of the ocean.
"Why don't you have a seat over on that chair there dear? I made us some tea cakes that I know you'll love!"
Chris plopped down on a white wicker chair with a cushion decorated in starfish. Rocky walked back into a room with a tray laden with teacups and delicate little cakes shaped like seashells.
"Now then...how has the asylum be treating you dear? I know such places are very cruel to such special and wonderful people like you."
Chris took a snack cake and bit into it. With his mouth still full of frosting he replied.
"Hmmmm....yes I do-dont like it ve-very much in that there place, they're been uh um very slanderous towards me and and uh um giving me STRESS"
Rocky frowned slightly and in a warm sympathetic voice told Chris
"Oh don't you worry, they are all just jealous of such a perfect little person such as yourself. You can't trust just anyone in that place, they could all be giving you stress for their amusement."
Chris frowned
"Li-like the-uh um those dang dirty TR-TROLLS!?"
"Yes, like the dang dirty trolls"
Chris fidgeted in his chair
"But wh-why uh um do the tr-trolls want me to have da pricklies?"
Rocky smiled once more and took a delicate bite out of a teacake
"Because, like I said before. They are all jealous of you and they want to bring you down. They know that you are always correct and they want you to suffer because they are always wrong"
Chris smiled smugly
"I-I am always uh um right aren't I?"
"Of course you are! Why do you think so many people love your comics!
Now finish the rest of those teacakes, I don't like the food that they are giving you there, what kind of man can live on simple vegetables and fruits?"
Chris grinned appreciatively and pigged out on the pastries on the plate only pausing when Rocky would stand up to bring more shell shaped teacakes.
---
"And that's why God want you to love yourself before you love others dearie"
Rocky smiled as she placed the tenth platter of shell-shaped teacakes in front of Chris. Chris' face was covered in frosting and didn't hesitate in helping himself to another teacake.
"Ye-yes I agree uh um Rocky, and I think that I am spe-special and smart en-enough to love my-myself"
A knock sounded on the door.
"Oh! That must be that Gregg fellow, I'll get the door."
Rocky walked to the whitewashed door engraved with designs of fish and Gregg stepped into the room
"C'mon buddy, it's time to head home say good bye to Miss Rochell"
Chris sighed
"Can't I-I-I stay uh um a little LONGER?"
Gregg smiled gently
"No I'm sorry pal, but they need you back in the asylum, maybe you can come visit again next week"
Rocky stepped forward
"And I can make more of those teacakes you love!"
Chris sighed once more and rose from out of the white wicker chair scattering crumbs all over the wooden floor. Rocky turned to Gregg
"Oh! Mr.Parker I almost forgot, here are those teacakes I had promised you"
Rocky handed Gregg a small bundle of teacakes wrapped in a blue hankerchief decorated with designs of coral.
"Uh...thanks but...how did you know my last name was Parker?"
Rocky looked away quickly and in a slightly nervous voice replied
"Oh, well...me and Dr.Bleuaspitzeh are great friends...and he tells me much of his employees!"
Gregg looked at her suspiciously
"Well, alrightly then...c'mon Chris time to go now."
Rocky hugged Chris tightly and whispered in his ear
"Now remember everything I've just told you today, and remember to always listen to Dr.Bleauspitzeh"
"I wi-will Rocky"
"Good, now hurry along now dearie, they must be worried sick!"
Chris climbed into Gregg's van and waved goodbye at Rocky from the back of the van. Rocky waved back with a large smile on her face.
When Chris and Gregg returned to the asylum and walked into the Rec Room, the furniture had been arranged and moved against the walls and hundreds of folded chairs had been set up in rows in front of a large projector screen. The patients were being seated into the chairs with different degrees of success. Some were screaming violently at the prospect of being moved, others were sobbing, and still others were almost catatonic and simply stared at the projection screen with a blank look.
"Oh there you are Mr.Chandler!"
Valerie rushed at Gregg and Chris. She looked at Gregg and frowned.
"Ready to lose our wager Mr.Parker?"
Gregg chuckled
"You may act like a mother to these guys, but you don't know them like I do miss"
Valerie bit her lip
"Alrighty then, let’s get this started."
Valerie and Gregg walked towards the front of the "theater" and stood side by side. Valerie cleared her throat and the room fell silent.
"Now, today we are going to have something different, we have two movies you can watch and you are all going to choose which you'd like to see"
Gregg stepped forward
"Now you can watch my favorite The Untouchables-"
The room burst into screams of excitement. Valerie stepped forward "OR! We can watch my movie"
Valerie held up her movie for all to see. The room fell silent. Valerie frowned.
"Fine! We'll watch The Untouchables!"
Valerie turned to Gregg with a furious look in her eyes
"If any of these patients wind up having nightmares you are going to be the one having to calm all of them down!"

Gregg chuckled
"I'm sure they can take it, now shush the movie is starting"
The room went silent as the film began. It was a story of Al Capone and the Prohibition in the 1920's. The movie was highly enjoyed by everyone, except for one person: Chris. The movie was too violent and too boring full of boring people talking about boring things and music that reminded him of his dad's old records. Chris slumped in his chair. He wished he was at Rocky's house again, she'd probably wouldn't make him watch this movie. Chris closed his eyes and could only hear the strange slang of the Italian mobsters as they gunned down a man. He couldn't stand the sound of gunfire. He thought back to Rocky's house, and remembered how pretty it was to be in a place that reminded him so much of the ocean. Chris slumped in his chair as he steadily grew tired. The sounds and thoughts of the ocean and of the movie bounced around in his head as he steadily fell asleep...
---
Chris felt himself drifting in the air. He felt himself rock back and forth gently. The little hair he had on his head was waving around.
"Where am I?" Chris thought.
Chris felt himself drift unto a sandy floor. Chris opened his eyes and looked around. It was nighttime already and the moon was full and bright. The clouds were making a strange criss-cross pattern that cast a strange wavy blue light on the ground. The plants were even stranger. The grass was long and wavy and moved in the air like seaweed, and the trees and shrubs were all leafless but their bark was a wide assortment of vivid pinks, oranges, and yellows and the rocks all had strange folds that made them look like colorful brains. Chris could hear the distant roar of the ocean from somewhere.
"Excuse me sir are you lost?"
Chris turned around
There was a train station behind him, covered in a strange lichen that looked very similar to barnacles. The wood looked bloated and waterlogged. But Chris wasn't paying attention at the trainstation he was more focused on the person speaking. She was a woman in her late twenties or early thirties with short blond hair under a cloche hat with a long string of pearls over a simple beige dress. Chris puffed his chest out and walked over to her.
"Um uh no, miss I am n-no-not! I am here wai-waiting for my TRUE and HONEST sweetheart! Maybe...you're ...her?"
The woman stepped back
"Um, no sorry I'm already spoken for..."
Chris insisted
"Hmmm yes...I suppose are-are ALL spoken for...for a while....what's yer name?"
"Allison, Allison Amber"
Chris creepily moaned
"Mmmmm....Allison...so what do you do...for fun?"
Allison placed the sign she had be carrying with her in front of Chris, in order to defend herself in case he pounced on her. Chris read what the sign said.
WOMEN'S RIGHTS NOW!
Chris felt his spirits rise.
"So uh um you are into da womans rights right?"
Allison fidgeted
"Yes...there's a rally at the Cwcville Boardwalk..."
"I can't w-w-wait to see you.....nekkid...mmmmmmm"
Allison shivered at his creepy nasal tone.
"You know? I think it'd be better if I walk...I hear it's good for the legs"
"Ma-maybe I can uh um comes with ya!"
"Oh, no no! It's much too far and you might get lost. Anyways...goodbye!
Allison broke into a run into the forest of coral-trees.
Chris sighed. She must have had been a lesbian or a dang asexual to reject him. After all who would deny Chris the hanky-panky?
A distant whistle sounded and a light came down the tracks. A train. The train was covered in bits of coral and barnacles. It came to a sudden stop at the train station and opened its doors. The cart was completely empty but Chris could see by the placard that it was headed towards the Cwcville boardwalk.
"May-maybe I can beat that lady to-to-to her stripping thingy in time to see her...mmmmmm...nekkid..."
Chris stepped into the train and plopped down unto a seat. The train seemed to sense him and immediately shut the doors and began its journey once more.
---

The trained rushed down the tracks whooshing past the surreal forest of coral and seaweed heading towards a giant glowing mass of lights in the distance. The entire cart was rattling and shaking ad the sound was deafening, but Chris was glad he didn't have to walk so far, it had to be at least a million miles!
"Enjoying our ride are we?"
Chris turned his head to the direction of the voice. Magi-Chan was lazily draped over two seats with his legs crossed, still wearing the absurd harness he wore last time they met
"Yo-You almost got me uh um KILLED at that fa-factory place!"
Magi-Chan smiled widely
"If you recall it was your very own Wild and Sandy who tried to do that, not me"
"But Wh-Why?"
"Things have changed Chris in the two years you've been gone and many of the wounds and scars from your old reign as mayor still run raw"
Chris sighed and remembered the advice Rocky gave him
"B-Bu-But Dr.Bluespit says uh um that ch-change is good, that it is dat there first step in for-fogetting"
"Change denotes neither bad nor good, all it means is that things are definably not the same"
"Ye-yes but Rocky says AHHH!!!"
Chris fell from his seat as a splitting pain in his head began and once more memories began flodding in
"Chris please don't do this! This is one of the worst things you could have ever thought of!"
Patti was running after Chris on his way to the mayor's office. Chris had an annoyed face
"Th-The citizens of uh um Cwcville need this, Patti! The PVCC an-and dere dumb and SLANDEROUS ideas are po-poisoning and corr-corr-crrupting my TRUE and HONEST city!"
Patti ran in front of Chris blocking his path
"If you don't stop this I will!"
Chris sneered at her
"And w-w-what ca-can you um uh do? You are my true and original crea-creation! You do-don't have da power over me!"
Patti stood up straighter and with more confident
"That's where you are wrong! I am my own person created by someone else, someone who actually cared for me! I decide my own fate! And I am planning to stop you no matter what the cost!"
Patti ran off as quickly as she could shoving Chris to the side.
"ILL GET YOU YOU YOU SLAN-SLAN-SLANDEROUS TROLL!!!"
Chris was on the ground of the train panting, sweat covered his face.
Magi-Chan stared at Chris with great interest.
"Truth hurts doesn't it?"
"It-It's not da trufth it's slande-slandrous lies made by da uh um TROLLS!!!"
Magi-Chan frowned
"Well, your destination is coming up I hope you manage to find 'he who only helps himself', as Jason put it"
Magi-Chan faded away like smoke as he teleported away leaving Chris alone on the train
Chris stepped out of the train and walked on the wooden path laid down on the sandy ground. He could see a short distance a town full of bright lights and loud music. He could hear the laughter and yelling of people in the distant intermingling with the roar of the ocean. Chris followed the path and noticed the music getting louder and louder as he walked towards the town.
As he reached the town a gateway with a sign proclaimed that he was entering "Cwcville Boardwalk". He entered the Art-Deco town with caution, afraid of what he would find there. The boardwalk was full of people dressed in similar fashion, all dancing and drinking laughing at the antics of the others around them. All the woman were wearing cocktail dresses with long pearl necklaces and had their hair cut in simple bob-cuts. The men all wore fancy double breasted vests with simple suits and wide trousers. Chris recognized the dance from his father, it was called "The Charleston"
Chris spotted a voluptuous young woman dancing by herself. Seeing his chance he rushed to her and bagan to dance awkwardly to the music behind her.
"S'cuse me but you're giving me the heebie jeebies!"
The woman turned around and both Chris and the woman gasped.
The woman had long thin lips and huge eyes that were extremely far apart by normal standards to the point that they were almost at the sides of her face. She looked like a...like a...
"You uh um look lika a F-Fish, but it don't ma-matter you an I can have da hanky panky uh um NOW!!!"
The woman stepped back. Chris noticed that everyone around him had the same fish-face as the woman
"Hey bub! I ain't no floozy for you to be creeping on! If you want any of that, go to the high-roller's cathouse!"
The woman lifted her nose and walked away.
Chris looked at the direction she had run off and noticed a large building done in Art Deco called "The Cat's Meow" covered in bright flashing lights. Perhaps that was the place she said he would find the
Hanky Panky...

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

How The Troll Stole CWCmas

Spoiler

Every CWC
Down in CWCville
Liked Christmas a lot

But the troll
Just north of CWCville
Did not

The troll hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season
Now, please don’t ask why. No one knows quite the reason
It could be that his duck had a bend off to the right
It could be, perhaps, that his girl wasn’t white
But I think the most likely reason of all
Was his scale of respect was two notches too small

But
Whatever the reason
His girl or his dick
He stood there on Christmas Eve hating the CWCs
Staring down from his cave with a sour troll face
At clutter covered windows below at that place
For he knew every CWC down in CWCville he’d see
Was busy now, booting up their PS3

“And they’re all crapping their briefs” He snarled with a sneer
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his troll fingers nervously drumming
“I must find a way to keep Christmas from coming”
For tomorrow, he knew…

…All the Tomgirls and boys
Would wake up when they’re ready. They’d rush for sex toys
And then! Oh, Julay! Oh, Julay! Julay! Julay
That’s one thing he hated, The Julay! Julay! Julay!

Then the CWCs, young and old, would sit down to a feast
And they’d feast! And they’d feast!
And they’d feast! Feast! Feast! Feast!
They’d start with Fanta and some rare grilled chicken
That’s something to make the troll’s blood start to thicken

And then
They’d do something he liked least of all
Every CWC down in CWCville, the tall and the small
Would stand together, with Guitar Hero playing
They’d stand side-by-side. And the CWCs would start swaying

They’d sway! And they’d sway!
And they’d sway! Sway! Sway! Sway!
And the more the troll thought of the CWC-Christmas-Sway
The more the troll thought, “I must stop this whole day”
“Why for more than twelve years I’ve put up with it now
I must stop Christmas from coming!
…But how?”

Then he got an idea!
An A-Log idea!
The troll
Got an epic win A-Log idea!

“I know just what to do!” The troll flipped a nickel
And he made a suit in the form of a pickle
And he chuckled and clucked “What a great trolling trick!
With the size and the shape I’ll remind them of dicks!

"All I need is a Hexbox..."
The troll looked around.
But Hexboxes are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old troll...?
No! The troll simply said,
"If I can't find a Hexbox, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his dog Jerk. Then he printed a sheet
He taped three sixty on a box full of wheat.
THEN
He called some kids fags
And laughed with a smirk
On a ramshakle sleigh
Where he hitched up old Jerk.
The troll said, "Go faggot!"
And the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the CWCs
Crashed to slumber in town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the CWCs were all dreaming that Ivy was there
When he came to the first house in the square.
"This is stop number one," The slanderous troll hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight hole.
But if Santa could do it, then so could the troll.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue
Where the little CWC crapped briefs all hung in a row.
"These crapped briefs," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Maple Nut Goodies! Lego bricks! Glue!
Little Big Planet! And Sonichu!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the troll, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the old fridge. He took the CWCs’ lunch!
He took the CWC-pudding! He took the bunched punch!
He cleaned out that fridge slick like a bola.
Why, that troll even took their last can of CWC-cola!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the troll, "I will stuff up the tree!"
And the troll grabbed the tree, and he started to press
When he heard a small sound like a sigh from some stress
He turned around fast, and he saw a small CWC!
Little Crystal McCWC, who was shorter than thick.
The troll had been caught by this little CWC daughter
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the troll and said, "Pickle suit, why,
Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"
But, you know, that old troll was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the gross sweaty troll lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head
And he got her a drink and he sent he to bed.
And when Crystal McCWC went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing he took
Was the great muscle bra.
Then went up the chimney himself, laughing haha.
On their walls he left nothing but one pixelblock.
And the one speck of food
The he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Then
He did the same thing
To the other CWCs' houses
Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other CWCs' mouses!
It was quarter past dawn...
All the CWCs, still in bed
All crashed into slumber
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up to the PVCC,
He rode up with his bag to empty!
"Suck dick fucking CWCs!" he was troll-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all the CWCs down CWCville will all cry BOO-HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned the troll,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the troll put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...
The noise then put the troll into a state of zen
``The man in the pickle suit got me again``

 

[Tommy_Wiseau]

This false and dishonest Sonichu stuff is tearing me apart, Mauvman!