Messed up Mythology and Folk Tales -

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IAmNotAlpharius

Al Capone didn’t pay his protection money
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Mythology and folk tales can be messed up. Often, thanks to Disney, this is largely forgotten by the general public. For example, they depict Heracles not as a son born from one of Zeus many flings but essentially a fallen god. In Cinderella the ending is completely different... The sisters maimed their feet by chopping of their toes and when they’re discovered by the prince he makes the mom dance in heated iron shoes until she died. It’s understandable since it’s for kids but it’s still irritating since many assume that’s how the tale really is and I hate disneyfication.

Lesser known legends can be just as messed up too. According to the Guarani, the supreme God with the help of the moon goddess Arasy created humanity and the entire universe. He also created the spirit of good Angatupyry and Tau the spirit of evil. Eventually, Tau lusted over a human woman, fought an epic battle with Angatupyry for seven days and seven nights, and then after beating the forces of good, took the women, and forcibly impregnated her. Their children would be cursed for Tau’s actions and from that point on would fuck with humanity. Of the seven children imo the most messed up one is Kurupi who has a prehensile penis -basically like an elephants trunk- so long he could tie it around his waist. He could apparently even extend it through small cracks in the windows or under doors in order to rape women in their sleep.
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What messed up myths do you all know about?
 

Troon Carey

they called me white devil, now they just say fag
kiwifarms.net
Mythology and folk tales can be messed up. Often, thanks to Disney, this is largely forgotten by the general public. For example, they depict Heracles not as a son born from one of Zeus many flings but essentially a fallen god. In Cinderella the ending is completely different... The sisters maimed their feet by chopping of their toes and when they’re discovered by the prince he makes the mom dance in heated iron shoes until she died. It’s understandable since it’s for kids but it’s still irritating since many assume that’s how the tale really is and I hate disneyfication.

Lesser known legends can be just as messed up too. According to the Guarani, the supreme God with the help of the moon goddess Arasy created humanity and the entire universe. He also created the spirit of good Angatupyry and Tau the spirit of evil. Eventually, Tau lusted over a human woman, fought an epic battle with Angatupyry for seven days and seven nights, and then after beating the forces of good, took the women, and forcibly impregnated her. Their children would be cursed for Tau’s actions and from that point on would fuck with humanity. Of the seven children imo the most messed up one is Kurupi who has a prehensile penis -basically like an elephants trunk- so long he could tie it around his waist. He could apparently even extend it through small cracks in the windows or under doors in order to rape women in their sleep.
What messed up myths do you all know about?
IF that's a myth then why do you have a picture of a taxidermized one HUH?
 

Pixy

Yo, buddy. Still alive
kiwifarms.net
There's this one Aboriginal Australian folktale about where all the colour in the world came from; I forget most of the details, but it culminates with a rather innocent bird being pierced by a spear or some other makeshift weapon by another bird, and its bleeding out releases colour everywhere.

We also have Tiddalik, the frog who drank up all the world's water. Again, a spear or some other weapon was used by animals to pierce his bloated body and releasing all the water.
 

horrorfan89

I do love a good joke!
kiwifarms.net
Just a friendly reminder the brother's Grimm fairy tales are meant to be the "cleaned up" versions of classic fairy tales. And cleaned up by the standards of the 19th century.

In some well known classics there's fucked up stuff like the ugly step sisters in Cinderella sawing their feet down to try and make them fit into the glass slippers or sleeping beauty is basically fucked in her sleep and it's the birth of her child that wakes her up .


Edit to say damn I'm kinda ninjaed on this but my point still stands
 

Scarlett Johansson

My lawsuit was settled
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Apollo fucked some guy and the guy turned into something. I forget.

Hera was jealous and bitter about Zeus being a real pimp nigga so she became murderous and scorned.

Amaterasu's story was a good one. Not bad at all. She got so shy she hid in the cave. The other gods were like "Bitch why you hiding we ain't got no sunshine!" and she was like "Fuck off imma nap" so they're like "Let's get a band together" so they formed a real shitty version of Fleetwood Mac and performed music outside of the cave. It was loud enough for Amaterasu to be like "Fuck is that noise?" so she opened the door and stepped outside and laughed.

I never understood why Athena was mean. The shrine maiden got raped even tho it wasn't her fault so Athena turned her into Medusa instead of killing the rapist. Its just maddening why she would do that.
 

Megatardingo

Le lava cola u mad
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Apollo fucked some guy and the guy turned into something. I forget.

Hera was jealous and bitter about Zeus being a real pimp nigga so she became murderous and scorned.

Amaterasu's story was a good one. Not bad at all. She got so shy she hid in the cave. The other gods were like "Bitch why you hiding we ain't got no sunshine!" and she was like "Fuck off imma nap" so they're like "Let's get a band together" so they formed a real shitty version of Fleetwood Mac and performed music outside of the cave. It was loud enough for Amaterasu to be like "Fuck is that noise?" so she opened the door and stepped outside and laughed.

I never understood why Athena was mean. The shrine maiden got raped even tho it wasn't her fault so Athena turned her into Medusa instead of killing the rapist. Its just maddening why she would do that.
Apollo fucked a guy and the guy turned into a flower, his name was narcissus and apollo named the flower he turned into after him, which is where the word narcissistic comes from. I think it was also said that guy was Apollo's one and only true love.

Hera did all sorts of vindictive stuff but not to Zeus, to his lovers because she was a weak-ass hoe and couldn't beat her husband. Also I think they were related in some way (cousins or something) and zeus raped hera in their first encounter because hera didn't give no fucks about him, he turned himself into some sort of birbo and once hera was all "omagah so kyute" nigga was like "surprise I'm not cute I'm the guy you rejected" and raped her in an incel-fueled escapade.

Zeus as the famous zoophile he was also fucked Europa, some pretty maiden, after turning her into a cow and turning himself into a bull to escape Hera's gaze and coome in peace. Zeus had some weird furry fetish guaranteed.

Edit: I gotta edit because I'm a fucking exceptional individual and the way I typed it sounds like Apollo turned people into flowers when he fucks them with magic dingle (they don't). It's just that his lover died and as his heart was broken the only way he could see to mend it was by turning his loved one into the most beautiful flower he could think of and naming them after him to be a remembrance of his lost love. He also never reciprocated the love from Apollo, he was just a fuckbuddy (or they didn't even fuck, can't member but they probably fucked) and was infatuated by his own beautiful reflection.

Edit2: No I'm a fucking exceptional individual and mixed 2 myths, Hyacinth is the nigga apollo fucked, narcissus is another nigga that got turned into a flower but narcissus turned into a flower as a punishment for breaking echo's heart (a nymph) by nemesis (and aphrodyte's shape). Damn bro my alzheimers is getting worse.
 
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Amber the Hedgehog

kiwifarms.net
One of my favorites isn't fucked up by itself but does give contrast to others in it's category. In many myths mortal men come across goddesses bathing and that leads to interesting results. My favorite is a Finnish one:

One winter day an older gentleman was walking on a bridge when he notised a beautiful woman in the water bathing. At first he didn't think much about it, just someone getting clean, but soon realized that something odd was going on. Not only was the water freezing but the river stream was strong enough pull a grow man under, and yet she seemed completely comfortable and having relaxing time. After a moment of utter confusion he realized that this wasn't just some ordinary woman but Vellamo the wife of the water god. So he said hello while giving a polite compliment to her looks. She said hello back and wished good luck to rest his days. He continued his walk, she continued her bath and he had a long and happy life filled with good luck.

I just find so amusing how nothing happens. It's just a short polite moment between strangers. In most myths this situation gets people hurt and more often than not badly. Like here multiple times mentioned greek myths Artemis turned the guy who saw her into a deer and made his own hunting dogs tear him apart. Athene other hand blinded the guy who saw her but then felt that was overreaction. So she gave him ability to see into future but did not give him his regular sight back for some reason.
 

JektheDumbass

kiwifarms.net
Apollo fucked some guy and the guy turned into something. I forget.

Hera was jealous and bitter about Zeus being a real pimp nigga so she became murderous and scorned.

Amaterasu's story was a good one. Not bad at all. She got so shy she hid in the cave. The other gods were like "Bitch why you hiding we ain't got no sunshine!" and she was like "Fuck off imma nap" so they're like "Let's get a band together" so they formed a real shitty version of Fleetwood Mac and performed music outside of the cave. It was loud enough for Amaterasu to be like "Fuck is that noise?" so she opened the door and stepped outside and laughed.

I never understood why Athena was mean. The shrine maiden got raped even tho it wasn't her fault so Athena turned her into Medusa instead of killing the rapist. Its just maddening why she would do that.
I assumed the Medusa thing was because the ancient Greeks were like the Middle Eastern people and thought rape was the woman's fault. I know they didn't think women were sapient beings.
 

Megatardingo

Le lava cola u mad
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Athena turned arachne into the spider after the girl hung herself from losing in a weaving match.

I thought it was interesting that Aphrodite and Hephestus got together
Let's jog that alzheimers a bit: Hephaestus and Aphrodite were set up by Hera who was trapped in a chair of Hephaestus creation and was granted a wish by her to get free of her binds. Hephaestus was also Hera's half-aborted waman-only baby (because Hera wanted to prove she din't need no man and could have a child on her own after being jelly that Zeus had Athena out of a headache without her input). He got thrown out of olympus for being an uggo child by Hera and in a conde de montecristo epic style revenge he sent her the throne as a poisoned gift, after being trapped they asked Hephaestus to free Hera and he said "lol no" to which Aphrodyte offered herself up to whomever could free Hera from her throne. Now this brought the attention of Ares which was a sucker for Aphrodyte's pusspuss so he tried to laid siege to Hephaestus but nigga couldn't breach Hephaestus defenses so he went home with his hands empty, Hermes just went there to mediate and just owned Hephaestus with fax and logic and convinced him to just fucking let Hera go, get some sweet goddess of love pussy AND return to Olympus and that was an epic win in everyone's book.

He also got cucked by Ares plenty of times but I don't remember if he knew and didn't care or if he didn't. So Hephaestus without a shadow of a doubt was the original incel god.
 

PuffyGroundCloud

Is that a MICROAGGRESSION????
kiwifarms.net
Let's jog that alzheimers a bit: Hephaestus and Aphrodite were set up by Hera who was trapped in a chair of Hephaestus creation and was granted a wish by her to get free of her binds. Hephaestus was also Hera's half-aborted waman-only baby (because Hera wanted to prove she din't need no man and could have a child on her own after being jelly that Zeus had Athena out of a headache without her input). He got thrown out of olympus for being an uggo child by Hera and in a conde de montecristo epic style revenge he sent her the throne as a poisoned gift, after being trapped they asked Hephaestus to free Hera and he said "lol no" to which Aphrodyte offered herself up to whomever could free Hera from her throne. Now this brought the attention of Ares which was a sucker for Aphrodyte's pusspuss so he tried to laid siege to Hephaestus but nigga couldn't breach Hephaestus defenses so he went home with his hands empty, Hermes just went there to mediate and just owned Hephaestus with fax and logic and convinced him to just fucking let Hera go, get some sweet goddess of love pussy AND return to Olympus and that was an epic win in everyone's book.

He also got cucked by Ares plenty of times but I don't remember if he knew and didn't care or if he didn't. So Hephaestus without a shadow of a doubt was the original incel god.
He knew he got cucked by Ares, so he made a bed that binds people so Hephaestus trapped both Aphrodite and Ares to the bed when they banging and brought them to the hall.
 

Megatardingo

Le lava cola u mad
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
He knew he got cucked by Ares, so he made a bed that binds people so Hephaestus trapped both Aphrodite and Ares to the bed when they banging and brought them to the hall.
Oh yeh I forgot about that, you's totally right. Man the greek mythos was a fun wild ride.
 

The Fair Lady

Blind spider waifu
kiwifarms.net
You could fill this whole thread with Greek myth so I'll mention something different.

The Indian god Ganesh(a) has an elephant head and while there are a bunch of stories as to how he got it, the most popular one goes like this: Shiva's wife Parvati was home alone and created a child out of the earth to guard the house while bathing. Shiva came home, Ganesha refused to let him in, and Shiva cut his head off in a rage. Then he found out Ganesha was his son, realized he goofed, and was asked by Parvati to go out and cut the head off the first animal he saw as a replacement. Said animal happened to be an elephant.
 

GenociderSyo

Syo
kiwifarms.net
How about a nice Native American Tale:
When Coyote was roaming around for adventures, looking for great deeds to do, someone told him of an evil sorceress, an old woman who lived with her two wicked daughters. Many young men went there to sleep with the daughters, who were very handsome, but none was ever seen alive again.

Coyote said, "That's just the place I want to go."

"Be careful," said the person who had told him about it. "Whatever you do, don't sleep with these girls. It would kill you, or so I've been told."

"How could sleeping with two pretty women kill a man?" thought Coyote, and off he went.

The old woman was very nice to him when he arrived, her two daughters were very beautiful.

"Come in, come in, the mother said. "You're a good-looking young man, just the kind of person I'd like to have for a son-in-law." Coyote went into the tipi with his bow and quiver. "Sit down, sit down," the old woman said. "You'll get something good to eat. My daughters will serve you." The girls brought Coyote many good dishes-buffalo hump, tongues, all kinds of meat.

One of the daughters, the older one, said: "You sure are handsome." Coyote thought to himself: "My informant was wrong; these are good people." By nightfall, Coyote was full of good food/and getting drowsy. "You must be tired after your journey," the old woman said. "And it's cold outside. Lie down to sleep between my two daughters-they'll keep you warm."

Coyote snuggled between the two girls. He felt amorous, but he wondered. In the dark the face of the younger girl b.rushed his; she was whispering in his ear: "Pretty soon my sister will ask you to sleep with her. I'm supposed to ask you too, but you mustn't do it." "Why not?" asked Coyote.

"The old woman is a witch," said the girl. "She's not really my mother; I'm her prisoner, though the other girl is her daughter. This witch has put teeth into both our vaginas, and when a man comes to visit she gets him to copulate with us. Then these teeth take hold of his penis and chew it to bits. Once he puts it in, he can't pull it out no matter how hard he tries. You should hear those poor young men cry; they cry until they die."

"Why do you tell me this?"

"I like you and I hate doing the old woman's dirty work. After the poor young men are dead, she takes all their things. She likes robbing them, but she likes hearing them die even better." "I don't believe you." "Then listen. Do you hear the noise?" "Yes, I do hear it, a strange noise." "It's the grinding of the sharp teeth inside our vaginas." Coyote heard the grinding. He believed what the girl said.

Coyote and the girl pretended to sleep. After a while the older girl, the old woman's daughter, pulled at his sleeve. "Strong young man," she whispered, "you must be hot for us. Let me 'make you happy. Get on top of me. Quick, get into me;" Coyote could hear the teeth gnashing furiously inside her vagina. "I've been thinking of nothing else since I first saw you, pretty one," said Coyote, "but let me get my clothes off." "Hurry up," said the impatient girl. "Don't dawdle. Put it in!" Coyote took hold of a thick, long stick still warm from the fire, and stuck it deep into that wicked girl's vagina. "Oh, a real man at last," said the girl, "how good it feels. A real big one for a change!" The teeth inside her were chewing, and wood splinters were flying out of her all over Coyote. "Whew!" he thought. "This is really something!" Quickly he grabbed an arrow from his quiver and thrust it deep into the girl before the teeth could snap shut. The teeth closed upon the shaft near the feathers, but it was too late: the arrowhead had already reached the evil girl's heart, and she died.

Then Coyote went over to the old woman and killed her with his knife. He told the younger girl: "You've saved my life, so come with me and I'll marry you." "How can you?" said the girl. "I'd like to be your wife, but I have these teeth in the wrong place." "I'll take care of that," Coyote told her, "so come on." They started off for Coyote's house and walked all one day. When evening came, Coyote build a brush shelter for the two of them. He put sage into it for a bed. "Now I'm going to make love to you," he said.

"No, never!" said the girl. "It would kill you." 'Well, of course, first I have to knock your teeth out," said Coyote. "And not the ones in your head!" So he knocked out the teeth in the girl's vagina--except for one blunt tooth that was very thrilling when making love. They were happy, Coyote and this girl.
 
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