Messed up Mythology and Folk Tales -

[BoobWhiskers]

One I've always found interesting is Sedna, who's an Inuit goddess of the ocean and sealife. It varies a bit regionally, but the general tl;dr is that seagulls make pretty garbage husbands.

Spoiler

Once there was a young woman named Sedna. She lived in the Arctic with her mother and father. She loved her mother and father very much and was very content. Her father was a skilled hunter, so he provided very well for his family. Sedna had plenty of food and warm furs to wear. She liked the comfort of her parent's home and refused to marry. Many Inuit men desired Sedna for a wife and asked her parents for permission to marry her. But Sedna refused them all. Even when her parents insisted it was time for her to marry she refused to follow tradition and obey them.

This continued for quite some time, until one particular Inuk came to visit Sedna. This man promised Sedna that he would provide her with plenty of food to eat and furs for clothes and blankets. Sedna agreed to marry him. After they were man and wife, he took her away to his island. When they were alone on the island, he revealed to her that he was not a man at all, but a bird dressed up as a man! Sedna was furious, but she was trapped and had to make the best of it. He, of course, was not a good hunter and could not provide her with meat and furs. All that Seagull could catch was fish. Sedna got very tired of eating fish every day.

They lived together on the island for a time, until Sedna's father decided to come and visit. Upon seeing that his daughter was so unhappy and that her husband had lied to her, he killed Seagull. Sedna and her father got into his kayak and set off for home. Seagull's friends discovered what they had done and wanted to avenge the birdman's death. They flew above the kayak and flapped their wings very hard. The flapping of their wings resulted in a huge storm. The waves crashed over the small kayak making it almost impossible to keep the boat upright.

Sedna's father was so frightened that the storm would fill his kayak with water and that he would drown in the icy waters that he threw Sedna overboard. He thought that this would get the birds to stop flapping their wings, but it did not. Sedna did not want to be left in the water, so she held tightly to the edge of her father's boat and would not let go. Fearing that she would tip him over, the father cut her fingers off, one joint at a time. From each of her finger joints different sea creatures were born. They became fish, seals, walruses, and whales.

Sedna sank to the bottom of the ocean and there became a powerful spirit. Her home is now on the ocean floor. If you have seen her, you know she has the head and torso of a woman and the tail of a fish.

Sedna now controls all of the animals of the sea. The Inuit who rely on these animals want to maintain a good relationship with Sedna, so that she will continue to allow her animals to make themselves available to the hunters. Inuit have certain taboos that they must follow to keep Sedna happy. One of these says that when a seal is killed it must be given a drink of fresh water, not salt water.

If the hunters do not catch anything for a long time, the Shaman will transform himself into a fish. In this new form, he or she will swim down to the bottom of the ocean to appease Sedna the Sea Goddess. The Shaman will comb the tangles out of Sedna's hair and put it into braids. This makes her happy and soothes her anger. Perhaps it is because Sedna lost her fingers that she likes to have her hair combed and braided by someone else. When she is happy, she allows her animals to make themselves available to the hunters. Animals do not mind giving themselves up to provide food, clothes, and shelter for the Inuit.

 

[Crustyguy]

Odysseus hanging bunch of slave women for banging some suitors was pretty weird.

 

[ExsanguinateHorizon]

These are just a little silly instead of dark.

Korean: a gumiho (Korean fox spirit) was trying to marry into a human family to better pick them off. Villagers kept finding farm animals dead with no wounds but their livers missing. One night the to-be husband followed the woman around at night and saw her enter one of the barns, where she dipped her arms into a barrel of sesame seed oil, stuck them up the ass of an ox and horse and pulled out their livers to eat on the spot. They chased or killed her depending on who's telling it, and I don't remember what the moral is.

Sioux (I think): Rabbit got some ducks to listen to him singing with their eyes closed and strangled two before the rest escaped. He wanted to take a nap so he made his bunghole guard the ducks while they cooked, but a pair of foxes stole the roasts. When Rabbit woke up he used a stick from the fire to burn his own anus for failing to protect the roasts. Then he went for a walk and kept finding bits of tasty fatty meat which he immediately ate, but actually was finding and eating parts of his cooked intestines that were falling out. He complained about his foolishness and tied up the ends of his tatty bung into a knot, and that's why your asshole has wrinkles.

 

[Stoneheart]

Just a friendly reminder the brother's Grimm fairy tales are meant to be the "cleaned up" versions of classic fairy tales. And cleaned up by the standards of the 19th century.

In some well known classics there's fucked up stuff like the ugly step sisters in Cinderella sawing their feet down to try and make them fit into the glass slippers or sleeping beauty is basically fucked in her sleep and it's the birth of her child that wakes her up .

1. thats not true, they just use the version they got from a very christian female Innkeeper, so the gore was a bit toned down.
There is also a super antisemitic tale that maybe came from a local church.
2. im pretty sure the sawing of is still in the book, its atleast in the version i have. I have to go to their Museum when the lockdown is over so i will see whats cannon and whats not first hand.


The germanic tales are not that fucked up. the greek myths on the other hand ohh boy, thats alot of incest and getting raped by all kinds of animals...

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

Ever heard of Old Man Coyote?

Spoiler: Trickster's Penis

And again he went on. He came to a very fine piece of land there. There he sat down. He felt sleepy, so again he laid down. There he slept. After awhile, when he woke up, he awoke when he was lying flat on his back. When he looked up, unexpectedly, something was floating there. He said, "Hohó, this thing that they have hoisted up is the chief's banner. The people must be having a big feast, as they have hoisted the chief's flag," he said. Thus saying, as he was about to sit up, unexpectedly, his blanket was missing. Unexpectedly, it was his own blanket. There it was. When his penis erected, that blanket he had sprung up, and thus it was doing. He said, "My younger brother, you will lose the little blanket. Fetch it back for me," he said, and he took hold of his penis. As he did this, it became soft and fell. He put his penis in a box there. He kept on coiling it up, putting it into the box. Finally, he reached the end. There he found his blanket.

Then he carried the box on his back, and on he went. In time he came to a lake there. Unexpectedly, women were bathing on the other side. The princess was with her friends. And he said, "Hąhą́, pretty soon I'll have sex here," he said. And this is what he did. He took his penis out of the box. And he said to it, "My younger brother, you are going for your princess. The princess' friends are lookouts, so lodge there really well in the princess," he said, and he let it go. When it went, it slid over the surface of the water. "Šišiši my younger brother, come back, you'll scare them away," he said. Then he did this. He put a stone around its neck. And again he sent it. So it sunk, and got all the way to the bottom. Again he took a stone, and a smaller one he put around its neck. Again he sent it, and it went along making waves. "Again, younger brother, come back, you will drive them away," he said. And again for the fourth time, he put a weight around the neck that was just about right. Then he sent it. And then it went. And then in time it went directly for her. This time it went. This time it touched the princess and all her friends, and they cried out and jumped out, but the princess was the last one. She lodged herself on the bank, but there it lodged in her really well. Her friends came to her there, and tried to pull it out, but they failed. There they could not budge the thing. All of the men who were strong tried, but they could not budge the thing. Finally, they gave up.

Then they said, "The old woman knows many things. Go after her," they said. They went and got her. They brought her, and she stood by there. "Waną́, it's Kunuga," she said. When the princess is knocking ashes out of her pipe, all of you are bothering her," she said. And she did this. The old woman owned an awl, and she took it out. And she straddled Trickster's penis. And she used an awl to repeatedly stab his penis as she sat, and singing loudly, she said,

​

Kunu ne ninegi,		Kunu, if it is you;
Šorojere,		Pull it out,
Šorojere!		Pull it out!

she was saying. While she was doing this, it suddenly sprang up. The old woman was thrown a great distance. Unexpectedly, across the lake, Trickster laughed out loud. "Homely, nasty old woman that she is, I tried to have sex, but you have made it bad," he was saying.

Archive
Stories like this make me wonder how much folklore is actually ancient fanfiction.

 

[Newman's Lovechild]

Loki [got] fucked [by] a horse and had [an eight-legged horse that Odin rode around on]

Details, details.

 

[GenociderSyo]

Details, details.

Translation 1:

Spoiler: Wall of Asgard

During the first war, the Vanir had reduced the walls of Ásgarð to rubble.

After the gods had established the nine worlds, a master builder came to them in Ásgarð. He offered to build a fortification around Ásgarð that would be secure against the giants, even if they should come from the direction of Miðgarð. The builder promised to complete the job in three seasons, and as payment, he asked for Freyja to be his bride, and to receive the sun and the moon.

The gods assembled in council and came up with a counteroffer. They proposed that the builder would receive his payment only if he completed the job in one season and did so without assistance from any man. The builder's payment would be forfeit if the job were not completed on the first day of summer.

The builder agreed to the offer if he could use his stallion, Svaðilfari, to help him on the job. Loki convinced the gods to accept this offer to make their world safe from attacks by giants. Oaths were made and witnesses invoked to bind the agreement.

On the first day of winter, the builder started work. By night, he hauled the stones with Svaðilfari, and by day, he set the stones in place. All the Æsir were amazed at how quickly the work progressed. At the end of winter, the walls were so high that they were impregnable.

Three days before the beginning of summer, only the entrance to the walled fortification remained to be done. The gods assembled in council to decide what was to be done. It was clear by this time that the builder must be a giant. No one else could have completed the work so quickly. The thought of losing not only Freyja to the giants, but also the sun and the moon, was too much to bear. Something had to be done. The gods agreed that the person most responsible for this decision was Loki. They declared that Loki would face death if he did not devise some scheme to cause the builder to forfeit his payment.

That evening, as the builder drove Svaðilfari out for more stone, Loki, in the guise of a mare, ran out from the woods towards the stallion and neighed at him. When Svaðilfari realized what sort of horse the mare was, he went wild with desire. He tore apart his harness and chased after the mare. The mare ran into woods with the stallion close behind, and the builder chased after the two of them, trying to catch the stallion. All night long, the three tore through the woods.

The next day, not much work was completed. When the builder realized that the job was not going to be completed on time, he fell into a giant rage, verbally abusing the gods for their trickery. The Æsir could see now that the builder was a giant in disguise, and they revoked their oaths and called upon Þór to pay the giant his wages. But instead of Freyja, the sun, and the moon, Þór paid off the giant with a blow from his hammer Mjóllnir, shattering the giant's skull into fragments and sending him down to Niflhel.

A number of months passed before Loki was seen again. His romp with Svaðilfari had resulted in him giving birth to a foal. He returned to Ásgarð leading the colt. The colt was gray and had eight legs, and was called Sleipnir. He was the best horse among gods and men. Loki gave the colt to Óðin.

Óðin will ride Sleipnir into battle at Ragnarök.

Translation 2:

Spoiler: The Fortification of Asgard

A certain smith arrived at Asgard one day and offered to build the gods a high wall around their home to protect them from any who might wish them ill. The smith (certainly a giant himself) said he could complete his work in a mere three seasons, but demanded a steep compensation: the hand of the goddess Freya in marriage, as well as the sun and moon.

The gods took counsel together. Freya was adamantly against the giant’s terms from the start. But Loki suggested that the builder should obtain that which he desired, although only if he could complete his work in a single winter, with no aid from anyone but his horse. After much deliberation, the gods consented to Loki’s plan. Of course, the gods had no intention of actually giving Freya away, nor the sun or the moon; they thought that the task they demanded was impossible.

The giant smith, however, agreed to their terms, provided that the gods swear oaths to ensure that, if their conditions were met, they would fulfill their end of the bargain, and that he himself would be safe in Asgard while he worked.

The builder set about constructing the wall, and the gods marveled at how quickly the structure was raised. What was even more perplexing to them was that the giant’s stallion, Svadilfari seemed to be doing almost twice as much work as the smith himself, hauling enormous boulders over considerable distances to add to the edifice. When the end of winter was only three days ahead, the wall was strong enough to be impenetrable by almost any enemy, and – alarmingly – lacking little before it was finished. Only the stones around the gate had yet to be put in place.

The anxious gods seized Loki and rebuked him for giving them such foul advice. They threatened him with death if he couldn’t find a way to prevent the giant from finishing his task and making off with their beloved goddess Freya and the sun and moon, bringing neverending darkness and dreariness to the Nine Worlds. Loki pleaded with the gods to spare his life, and swore an oath that he would do as the gods desired, come what may.

That night, the giant and Svadilfari ventured into the snow-draped forest in search of stones. Along their way, a mare, who was none other than Loki in disguise, whinnied to the stallion from a short distance away. When the stallion saw the mare, his heart wasn’t the only organ that was roused by delight and lust, and he snapped his reins and bounded into the woods after her. The mare ran all night, and all night Svadilfari chased after her. When morning came, the giant’s horse was still missing, and the now-despairing giant knew that there was no way that he could now finish the wall in time.

The Aesir then paid the giant the wages they deemed he deserved: a fatal blow from Thor's hammer, which shattered his head into pieces no bigger than breadcrumbs.

Meanwhile, deep in the forest, Svadilfari had caught up with Loki, who soon gave birth to a gray, eight-legged horse – Sleipnir, who became the steed of Odin.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

There's an Old Man Coyote story about his anus guarding ducks. I refuse to believe these aren't ancient fanfics made by an ancient lolcow. Kappas were already weird enough with their anal obsession.

There's also a story where he eats a laxative and one where he gets pregnant. That last one was probably made by an ancient fujoshi.

 

[Scarlett Johansson]

Hestia i know was goddess of the hearth but iirc I don't remember anything she did

My favorite Japanese myth is the yukionna. But the one I think is interesting is granny tongue sparrow

 

[EnemyStand]

Nothing Egyptian yet. Cool, cool. This is from memory so feel free to correct the details.

Spoiler: How Horus Became King of Egypt and Also His Dad Somehow

Seth was a dick. Yeah, he was a god, but he wanted to be king. Only, he wasn't. His brother Osiris was. "Yo, Osiris." said Seth one fine day. "We never hang out anymore."
"Yeah, because you're a dick and you like darkness and sandstorms. That's some Hot Topic shit right there." Osiris responded.
"Yeah, but I'm you're brother. Seriously, let's hang out."
Osiris was convinced. "Well, that's true. Okay."
While hanging out, Seth chopped up Osiris into pieces and scattered the pieces all around Egypt. Then he was all like ,"Muahaha! Now I'm king and unless Isis rebuilds Osiris like Exodia to BTFO me, no one will stand in my way!"
Isis then flew off to (re) build her sweetheart from the ground up. She reassembled the pieces of Osiris and resurrected him. Well, except for one piece.
"Um, where's my dick?" Said a very confused Osiris when he woke up.
"Yeah, couldn't find it. You know how I said 3 inches was average? Yeeeeeeaaaaahhh...let's just say you're lucky you're my brother or I'd have left your ass a long time ago. A catfish probably ate it or something. Also I had a baby."
"...WHEN?!"
"Just now. And you're the father." This was too much for Osiris, so he fucked off to the Afterlife to pal around with Anubis, protect the dead, and dodge the child support payments. Meanwhile, Isis told Horus that Seth was a Very Bad Man and he needed to defeat Seth and become king of Egypt. Seth was not happy about this. So their armies fought for 80 years, until Seth got clever.
"Inhale my dong enhancement child!" Shouted Seth at Horus in rape. Horus however caught Seth's semen and tossed it into the river. The rape attempt made Horus a little testy, so he decided to prank Set by jacking off on a head of lettuce and giving it to Seth.
"Yo Seth," said Horus ,"no hard feelings about the whole trying to rape me thing."
"Yup!" chortled Seth, devouring his favorite food. He was secure in the knowledge he was king as he believed Horus had failed to defend himself against Seth's splooge. Then the other gods showed up and told them both the constant warring was bullshit, and said they needed to figure out a king today.
"Well, I raped Horus so he's my bitch." Said Seth proudly.
"Seth's cum, is this true?" Asked Ra.
"Nope!" Shouted Seth's cum from the Nile.
"Akshually," akshuallied Horus," you're MY bitch uncle."
"Nu-uh" countered Seth.
"Yeah-huh" said Horus' cum from Seth's tummy.
"Well...fuck you, Egypt is still mine because reasons!"
"You know what?" Said Ra in sick-of-this-shit "A boat race will decide this once and for all."
"That sounds reasonable." said Horus and Set.
"THE BOATS ARE MADE OF ROCKS!" yelled Ra.
"Lolwut?" Said Horus and Seth. Seth decided not to cheat for once, and was cucked when it turned out his boat sank because no duh. Horus decided to paint a wooden boat to look like rocks so won the boat race, as Ra was apparently too dumb to provide the boats and know that rocks don't float under any circumstances. Or Isis truenamed him, whichever. So Horus kicked Seth out of Egypt and Seth eventually grew to be fine with ruling the desert, unless he killed Seth and Seth went to hang out with Ra on his magical skyboat and fight Apophis. Oh, and Horus became so kingly he ended up being both Horus and Osiris at the same time and then fucked Isis who was now his sister, wife, and mother all rolled into one.

 

[Positron]

What part of Greek mythology isn't fucked up?

Apollo fucked some guy and the guy turned into something. I forget.

That might be Daphne. She turned into a tree because she didn't want to be raped by Apollo. Hyacinth is a guy that Apollo loved and accidentally killed.

Apollo skinned a dude alive for challenging him on a flute-playing contest and loses. The previous owner of flute was Athena, a vain bitch who discarded the instrument because she doesn't want to puff up her cheeks playing it.

 

[XYZpdq]

How about a nice Native American Tale:

Spoiler: Teeth in the Wrong Places

When Coyote was roaming around for adventures, looking for great deeds to do, someone told him of an evil sorceress, an old woman who lived with her two wicked daughters. Many young men went there to sleep with the daughters, who were very handsome, but none was ever seen alive again.

Coyote said, "That's just the place I want to go."

"Be careful," said the person who had told him about it. "Whatever you do, don't sleep with these girls. It would kill you, or so I've been told."

"How could sleeping with two pretty women kill a man?" thought Coyote, and off he went.

The old woman was very nice to him when he arrived, her two daughters were very beautiful.

"Come in, come in, the mother said. "You're a good-looking young man, just the kind of person I'd like to have for a son-in-law." Coyote went into the tipi with his bow and quiver. "Sit down, sit down," the old woman said. "You'll get something good to eat. My daughters will serve you." The girls brought Coyote many good dishes-buffalo hump, tongues, all kinds of meat.

One of the daughters, the older one, said: "You sure are handsome." Coyote thought to himself: "My informant was wrong; these are good people." By nightfall, Coyote was full of good food/and getting drowsy. "You must be tired after your journey," the old woman said. "And it's cold outside. Lie down to sleep between my two daughters-they'll keep you warm."

Coyote snuggled between the two girls. He felt amorous, but he wondered. In the dark the face of the younger girl b.rushed his; she was whispering in his ear: "Pretty soon my sister will ask you to sleep with her. I'm supposed to ask you too, but you mustn't do it." "Why not?" asked Coyote.

"The old woman is a witch," said the girl. "She's not really my mother; I'm her prisoner, though the other girl is her daughter. This witch has put teeth into both our vaginas, and when a man comes to visit she gets him to copulate with us. Then these teeth take hold of his penis and chew it to bits. Once he puts it in, he can't pull it out no matter how hard he tries. You should hear those poor young men cry; they cry until they die."

"Why do you tell me this?"

"I like you and I hate doing the old woman's dirty work. After the poor young men are dead, she takes all their things. She likes robbing them, but she likes hearing them die even better." "I don't believe you." "Then listen. Do you hear the noise?" "Yes, I do hear it, a strange noise." "It's the grinding of the sharp teeth inside our vaginas." Coyote heard the grinding. He believed what the girl said.

Coyote and the girl pretended to sleep. After a while the older girl, the old woman's daughter, pulled at his sleeve. "Strong young man," she whispered, "you must be hot for us. Let me 'make you happy. Get on top of me. Quick, get into me;" Coyote could hear the teeth gnashing furiously inside her vagina. "I've been thinking of nothing else since I first saw you, pretty one," said Coyote, "but let me get my clothes off." "Hurry up," said the impatient girl. "Don't dawdle. Put it in!" Coyote took hold of a thick, long stick still warm from the fire, and stuck it deep into that wicked girl's vagina. "Oh, a real man at last," said the girl, "how good it feels. A real big one for a change!" The teeth inside her were chewing, and wood splinters were flying out of her all over Coyote. "Whew!" he thought. "This is really something!" Quickly he grabbed an arrow from his quiver and thrust it deep into the girl before the teeth could snap shut. The teeth closed upon the shaft near the feathers, but it was too late: the arrowhead had already reached the evil girl's heart, and she died.

Then Coyote went over to the old woman and killed her with his knife. He told the younger girl: "You've saved my life, so come with me and I'll marry you." "How can you?" said the girl. "I'd like to be your wife, but I have these teeth in the wrong place." "I'll take care of that," Coyote told her, "so come on." They started off for Coyote's house and walked all one day. When evening came, Coyote build a brush shelter for the two of them. He put sage into it for a bed. "Now I'm going to make love to you," he said.

"No, never!" said the girl. "It would kill you." 'Well, of course, first I have to knock your teeth out," said Coyote. "And not the ones in your head!" So he knocked out the teeth in the girl's vagina--except for one blunt tooth that was very thrilling when making love. They were happy, Coyote and this girl.

I should read more stories about Coyote, he seems like a total Chad

 

[GenociderSyo]

I should read more stories about Coyote, he seems like a total Chad

Enjoy. I collect Native American Folklore, Asian Folklore and Norse Folklore some of it is INSANE.

Spoiler: Trickster's Penis

And again he went on. He came to a very fine piece of land there. There he sat down. He felt sleepy, so again he laid down. There he slept. After awhile, when he woke up, he awoke when he was lying flat on his back. When he looked up, unexpectedly, something was floating there. He said, "Hohó, this thing that they have hoisted up is the chief's banner. The people must be having a big feast, as they have hoisted the chief's flag," he said. Thus saying, as he was about to sit up, unexpectedly, his blanket was missing. Unexpectedly, it was his own blanket. There it was. When his penis erected, that blanket he had sprung up, and thus it was doing. He said, "My younger brother, you will lose the little blanket. Fetch it back for me," he said, and he took hold of his penis. As he did this, it became soft and fell. He put his penis in a box there. He kept on coiling it up, putting it into the box. Finally, he reached the end. There he found his blanket.

Then he carried the box on his back, and on he went. In time he came to a lake there. Unexpectedly, women were bathing on the other side. The princess was with her friends. And he said, "Hąhą́, pretty soon I'll have sex here," he said. And this is what he did. He took his penis out of the box. And he said to it, "My younger brother, you are going for your princess. The princess' friends are lookouts, so lodge there really well in the princess," he said, and he let it go. When it went, it slid over the surface of the water. "Šišiši my younger brother, come back, you'll scare them away," he said. Then he did this. He put a stone around its neck. And again he sent it. So it sunk, and got all the way to the bottom. Again he took a stone, and a smaller one he put around its neck. Again he sent it, and it went along making waves. "Again, younger brother, come back, you will drive them away," he said. And again for the fourth time, he put a weight around the neck that was just about right. Then he sent it. And then it went. And then in time it went directly for her. This time it went. This time it touched the princess and all her friends, and they cried out and jumped out, but the princess was the last one. She lodged herself on the bank, but there it lodged in her really well. Her friends came to her there, and tried to pull it out, but they failed. There they could not budge the thing. All of the men who were strong tried, but they could not budge the thing. Finally, they gave up.

Then they said, "The old woman knows many things. Go after her," they said. They went and got her. They brought her, and she stood by there. "Waną́, it's Kunuga," she said. When the princess is knocking ashes out of her pipe, all of you are bothering her," she said. And she did this. The old woman owned an awl, and she took it out. And she straddled Trickster's penis. And she used an awl to repeatedly stab his penis as she sat, and singing loudly, she said, Kunu ne ninegi, (Kunu, if it is you); Šorojere, (Pull it out,) Šorojere! (Pull it out!) she was saying. While she was doing this, it suddenly sprang up. The old woman was thrown a great distance. Unexpectedly, across the lake, Trickster laughed out loud. "Homely, nasty old woman that she is, I tried to have sex, but you have made it bad,"

Spoiler: Trickster Loses His Penis

There as he was going about, there, unexpectedly, as he was going, something right by his side sang, saying,

"What are you packing Trickster? It's your penis that you're packing!"

"Howá!" he said. "What a bad one he is. Furthermore, what does this one mean to say? He himself has full knowledge of what I am carrying," he said. Then again in a certain direction it said right by his side as he went along, again unexpectedly,

"What are you packing Trickster? A pair of his testicles!"

he said. "Howá! what thing is it that is saying this? He is watching me as I go around. I will pack my pack correctly," he said and he emptied it out. Then he overturned them. He placed them on his own back. Then he put his testicles next to his back. Thus it was, and most unexpectedly again it was everywhere he went. Again, unexpectedly, it was right by his side:

"What are you packing Trickster? You are packing your testicles underneath! You are packing your testicles underneath!

"Howá! what a bad thing it is that teases me. He must have watched my pack," he said. Again he fixed his pack. He put the head of his penis on top. Thus he did and quite unexpectedly he went forth. Again, unexpectedly, from his side,

"What are you packing Trickster? You are packing your penis. Your penis head is on top, Your penis head in on top!"

he said. "Howá! what is it that says this?" he said. He jumped towards it, but it ran away. "Ti ki ti ki ti ki ti ki," it said. It ran into a hollow tree. It was a chipmunk that had done it. "You will die, you homely thing that said that. Hąhą́, my younger brother, you may attend to him as he has teased you for a long time," he said. At some point, he took out his penis. Then this he used to probe the hollow log, but he could not reach the end of it. Again he took out more of it and probed again. Again he did not reach the end with it. Again he took out some more and unwound it. Again he probed into it. Again he could not reach the end. So now he took out all that remained of it. The box was emptied. Again he did it, he probed into it. Thus it was. He could not reach the end. So then he came there and he probed as far as he could, but still he could not reach it. "Howá!" he said. When he took it out, unexpectedly, the penis was brought out a little short on the end. "Hohó! what a great injury he has done me. What a shame! I'll teach you!" he said. He kicked the log to pieces. There he tramped the chipmunk flat. Unexpectedly, there it was in a pile, all gnawed up. "Hohó, what an important instrument his has deprived me of. Hąhą́, what am I saying? I will make instruments for the people," he said. There the penis lay. He took up the part of the penis without the foreskin. This one is what the people will ever call a 'arrowleaf'," he said. There in a lake nearby, there he threw it. Then again there he took one of the things gnawed off in the water and said, "Henceforth, people will call these 'potatoes'," he said. Then he took one again and said, "This the people will call the 'turnip' henceforth," he said. Then another one he took and said, "The people will ever call this 'artichoke'," he said. Then he took another one and said, "The people will ever call these 'ground beans'," he said. Then he took another one and said, "These the people will ever call 'dog teeth'," he said. He took another one and said, "These also the people will ever call 'sharp claws'," he said. He took another one and said, "This the people will ever call 'rice'," he said. He threw one into the water. Then there he took the end of the penis and said, ("This also the people will ever call 'water root'," he said. The square part he meant, the end. He meant what was left of the butt end of the penis, which was a little long.

Then thus he did, and left his own box there. Just the way men's penises are now, his had become that way. That is why men's penises are so short. If Chipmunk had not gnawed to pieces this penis, it is said that the first born would still be that way. The first borns would have to carry their penises on their back, it is said. If their penises were that way, it would not be good, so purposely, Chipmunk was made to do it, it is said. That would not be good, so this is the reason why they did it to him.

Spoiler: Coyote and his Mother-In-Law

Crow said, "I shall hunt deer." The people camped out to hunt, all the women camped out. They went out till they settled down to camp at Luwa'iha; the men were out hunting deer. Coyote was married to Mountain-Quail Woman, a young woman. Coyote said, "I do not want to have you camping out with me. It shall be my mother-in-law who will camp out with me. You stay home!" said Coyote. "I do not wish to camp out with my son-in-law," said old Mountain-Quail Woman. "All the old women have gone camping out. Go camping out! Go camping out! Camp out with him!" said the young woman to her mother. The people did so, camping out to hunt deer. The old woman started to camp out, to camp out with Coyote, while Coyote's wife stayed right at home. The women built camping-out houses, built at Luwa'iha with mā'du grass, with dead bark of pine trees, and with bark of bottom oak; they laid mā'du grass on thick on their houses. Also Mountain-Quail Woman built a house for Coyote.

The Crow people hunted deer together with the Blue Flies. The Buzzard people were there in great numbers, and others hanging around. Now they hunted deer and many deer were killed. They packed them home to the camping-out houses. The Blue Flies, Crows, and Buzzards did not really hunt deer, they looked for deer carcasses. They found a deer that was long dead. Crow said to Blue Fly, "I have found a deer carcass." "It is I who came upon it first," said Blue Fly. "I found the deer carcass. I saw the deer," said Crow. He disputed with Blue Fly. "It is I who came upon it first," (said Blue Fly). "Look at what I have shot on it!" He had thrown his excrement way ahead of him. Crow said no more, for he was beaten. Blue Fly carried off home the deer carcass that had been found by Crow.

When it was dark every one came back from hunting deer to his camping-out house. and it was about to rain during the night. The old woman, Mountain-Quail Woman, had a big vulva. Coyote had his bed on the east, over there on the east side of the house, while the old woman lay across from him on the west. It rained during the night, the water came pouring down on where Coyote was sleeping. "O mother-in-law! I am nearly dead frozen," said Coyote. "Hê!" said the woman, "I put lots of straw over your place of sleeping, son-in-law! Why should it leak?" (Coyote had said to himself,) "I wish that her part of the house should not leak!" "Your place of sleeping does not leak," (said Coyote). "I should like that we sleep together with heads and bodies averted from each other, mother-in-law!"

"Turn your head away to the south, turn your head away to the south!" (she said). "I am nearly frozen to death," said Coyote. "I never heard of son-in-law and mother-in-law sleeping together with heads and bodies averted from each other. People never have that happen to them," said the old woman. The young woman did not carry about a vulva; (the old woman) carried all of it about and Coyote had seen the vulva. "You will put a rock acorn-mortar between our feet and I shall turn my head to the south," said Coyote.

The old woman turned her head to the north, while it kept on raining during the night. He put a rock, a rock acorn-mortar, between them. "Leak, leak! sleeping place! Do not leak! Mountain Quail Woman's sleeping place!" said Coyote to the rain. It did so to Coyote's sleeping place; there was much water all over it. "Do not leak (on her bed)!" In the middle of the night he caused the old woman to fall asleep. She did so. Now the old woman was sleeping, snoring. "O, away with mere talk! Shall I go on arguing about it?" Coyote got up from his bed on the ground and spread apart her loins. Now he copulated all night with his mother-in-law, pushing her about. The old woman did not wake up.

When it was nearly daylight Coyote ran off home, having, finished copulating. She was like a frog, for all her fat had been taken away from her. Coyote arrived home, running east to his, wife. The (old) woman ran home after him. She ran ran back east after him and arrived home. "Husband! Do not call me mother-in-law!" (she said to Coyote). Mountain-Quail Woman was pregnant. "So that is why you told me to go out camping with yourself! You intended to act in that way!" Mountain Quail Woman threw the children into the water but Coyote did not follow his children.

Spoiler: Trickster's Anus Guards the Ducks

Away he walked. As he walked along there, unexpectedly, there was a lake and unexpectedly, the lake was full of ducks. He ran back there. Secretly, before they had seen him, a swamp being there, he went there. When he got there, he did a lot of grass cutting. He made a very big pack out of it. And he packed it, and he went there to this lake. He went along the edge of it. The ducks saw him. "Koté, Trickster is passing by over there. Koté, ask him what he is doing," they said. They hailed him. "What are you carrying?" they asked him. He did not answer. They asked again. When they asked for a fourth time, he stood up. "Weyi," he said. "What are you packing?" they said to him. "What a thing you have asked, my younger brothers. Now my stomach is filled up with songs. I'm packing along some bad songs that my stomach could not contain. I have not sung them in a long time. Therefore, right now I have a great many songs in me. I am packing some. I have not seen any people on my trip. Who will dance for me if I should sing? Therefore, I never did sing for a very long time." And those ducks said, "Koté, suppose we ask him to sing? Then we would dance, wouldn't we?" "Koté, let it be so. I enjoy dancing very much. I haven't danced in a long time," some of them said. "Koté, let's do that," they said. And they said to him, "Trickster, older brother, if you will sing for us, we will dance. We have been desiring to dance. We don't have any of these, the songs," they said, the ducks said to him. "My younger brothers, you have spoken well. It will be so. I will make a dance lodge," he said. And they helped him. They made a long house there. They made a grass lodge. And they made a round drum. Then he told all of them to come in. They all went in.

And when he was ready to sing, he said, "My younger brothers, this is the way to do it. When I sing and have them dance, this dance is always the first that I have had them do. I am going to sing one song. Up to the end of it, not one of you shall ever open his eyes." "Howo," they said. Then he began to sing. He said, "Ha, my younger brothers, if any of you should open your eyes, your eyes will turn red," he said. While he himself was sitting, yet he told them to dance. In time, one of them came with its wings flapping. "Gwo!" it said. "Gwo!" it said, again and again one of them would do the same. In the singing, sometimes it would sound like his mouth tightened up. Sometimes again one would cry out. Then he would tell them to dance harder. Finally, a duck which they used to call by the name gįsge, one of this kind, he secretly looked at him. He opened his eyes only the least bit. Unexpectedly, he was wrenching their necks, thus he was doing. He could bite them and also twist their necks. Therefore, thus he did. His mouth was nearly closed. He sang and as many as he reached, he killed. And Gįsgenįka (Old Squaw Duck) said, "Hąho, he is killing us. Some one of you try to save yourselves." He quickly went out through the smoke hole. There they crowded themselves out of the smoke hole. They also struck Trickster with their wings and they also scratched him. With his eyes shut, when he put forth his hands in their midst in order to grab them, he grabbed one apiece with each hand. These he choked to death and he closed his eyes, whereupon they all suddenly escaped. He had hold of two of them. When he looked at what he had, unexpectedly, he was holding a scabby mouthed duck by each side of its legs. He thought that he had hold of two of them. Then, "Hąhó, this is the way that men do, and they will be drinking soup," he said.

Then he made fire, and he made himself sharp pointed sticks. And some he roasted in that manner. And some he covered over with ashes. "And I shall be very anxious waiting for them. As it is, I shall sleep. When they are cooked thoroughly, I shall awaken," he said. "My younger brother, you keep watch, I am going to sleep," he said. "If you should notice anything, drive them off," he said. He was talking to his anus. Then he lay with his anus towards the fire and he slept.

As the little foxes came along, they scented something. "Hąho, there must be something here," they said. They turned their noses to the wind and as they were coming along, unexpectedly, a fire was smoking there. When they had looked, there were pointed sharp sticks all around the fire. They came with stealth and when they had looked, unexpectedly, there was someone sleeping. "Koté, this is Trickster. He is sleeping. Let's eat. Be very careful, you might wake him. We will eat," they said. And then they came there. Unexpectedly, he quickly expelled gas. Po, he made it say. "Koté, he must be awake," they said, and then they ran back. "Koté, I think they are asleep," they said. "Koté, it must be a bluff. He is always doing something," they said. Thus they were saying, and again they came towards him there. It did it again. He expelled gas. Again they ran back. Thus they did three times. They came there again for the fourth time. Once again he expelled gas. Just the same, they did not run away. Still harder and stronger he expelled gas. Just the same, they did not run away. He did this again the third time. Po! Po! Po! he made it say. It was very loud, but they did not run away. It did it again for the fourth time. Po! Po! Po! Po! he made it say. Four times thus, but they began to eat the roastings one apiece. Now this, Trickster's anus, did thus — Po! — continuously. It was very loud. Finally, they ate up all the roastings. They came again to the roastings under the ashes. And thus it was making, Po!, but they ate a great deal. Again they ate it all up. Then they did it. They nicely replaced what he had cooked under the ashes only. Then they quit the place.

Then he awoke. "Hohó, about now what I cooked must be cooked to a crisp," he said. As he felt around there, he got hold of a foot. When he pulled it out, he came away with only the foot. "Hohó, thus the cooking usually is when they are thoroughly cooked," he said. He felt around again for another one. Again when he took hold of one and when he pulled it out, (139) it was only a foot that he came away with. Again he said, "Hohó, what I've cooked must be well done. I told my younger brother to watch the roast. Some good cook he is," he said. He kept going on and on. When he sat up, unexpectedly, the roasts on sticks were gone. "Hohó, those covetous friends must have done me wrong," he said. And when he had poked around the fire, unexpectedly, the fire was only full of bones. "Hohó," he said, "surely these covetous homely things have disappointed me; but also, you homely thing, what have you done? I told you to watch. You shall know about this (punishment). You have not done right. I shall burn your mouth. Consequently, you won't be doing anything with your mouth," he said. He took up a brand and burned the mouth. He burned himself in the anus. Then repentantly, "Tuwį! tuwį! hagagasgeižą, I have made myself smart so. For this I am called wakjąka. The others have talked me into it. It's just as though I had done something," he said. There Trickster had burned his anus. He put burning firewood to it.

Then he went somewhere there. As he was going along there, unexpectedly, something went by. He trailed him. As he was going along, to his surprise, there he found a piece of fat. "Hohó, someone has gone by here packing something. He must be packing something he had killed," he said. As he said this, he picked up that piece of fat and ate it. It was very delicious. "Hohó, this fat is such a delicious thing," he said. Again as he was going along, he again found another piece. Again he ate it. "Hohó, these fat things are such a delicious thing," he said. As he was going along, unexpectedly, it was he whom he had discovered. He was finding the fat parts of his own guts. The anus and the fat part of his guts had fallen out of him. Because he had burned it, the burning had contracted it. "Hohó," he said. "Very truly have they spoken when they have called me wakjąka. The others, by such talking, have turned me into such." And he fixed it. A large part of the skin was lost. Therefore, he had fixed it, but the skin pulled together in wrinkles. So he made it in ridges. So they are. The anuses of people are made in ridges they have said.

 

[JektheDumbass]

He mentions Sedna but expands a bit on inuit beliefs.

Spoiler

so that's why the sun doesn't have tits

 

[Scarlett Johansson]

We also got Eris and her golden apple, Queen Maeve, Baba Yagami, Yoshitsune, Himiko, etc

 

[John Titor]

Japanese mythology explains why the sun and moon are never seen together because the moon god Tsukuyomi was invited to a banquet substituting for the sun goddess Amaterasu. The goddess Ukemochi was the host and summoned food by spitting or shitting it out. Tsukuyomi was grossed out and killed her for it and Amaterasu never forgave him for that.

Amaterasu's story was a good one. Not bad at all. She got so shy she hid in the cave. The other gods were like "Bitch why you hiding we ain't got no sunshine!" and she was like "Fuck off imma nap" so they're like "Let's get a band together" so they formed a real shitty version of Fleetwood Mac and performed music outside of the cave. It was loud enough for Amaterasu to be like "Fuck is that noise?" so she opened the door and stepped outside and laughed.

I never understood why Athena was mean. The shrine maiden got raped even tho it wasn't her fault so Athena turned her into Medusa instead of killing the rapist. Its just maddening why she would do that.

A variation I heard was that another goddess started a ruckus by performing what may basically be a strip show.

One Medusa depiction I found interesting was in Fate/stay Night where it acknowledged that Medusa was unfairly victim blamed and bonds with another rape victim.

 

[Newman's Lovechild]

Coyote and his Mother In Law

...

What?

 

[IAmNotAlpharius]

...

What?

Seems like he was a furry degenerate.

 

[Fromtheblackdepths]

What about the Inuit idea that the personification of souls will suck out your body.