Orbiter Michael Bijan Afghani / Samantha Afghani / CWCIslam / @Coupon11 (*) - Tried to convert CWC to Islam; Incel to Troon to Muslim pipeline; hamster-killler; "bring on the doxxing [sic]"; absolute lunatic; FAAFO. !جولي

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Spooky Bones

I am a deceitful person. Be wary of my intentions!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 29, 2019
(*) PLEASE NOTE: The user @Coupon11 on the Kiwi Farms is not the same person as a former troll on the Spore Forums by that name (real initials Z.D.W.) who lives in Tennessee, has a new baby girl, and is now a prolific Redditor. For reasons that remain inscrutable, “our” Coupon stole this guy's name. The original Coupon was a faggot on video games as a kid and is a bit of a reddit faggot today but has nothing to do with this, please leave him alone.

This thread was a major community effort and will be updated as further information is discovered or clarified. See credits below for co-authors and contributors.

11/8 - Word to the wise if you're going to go into their Discord... weird shit and gayops afoot.

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Well, I've seen worse looking troons...how bad can this get? Pretty darn bad.

QVEM IVPPITER VVLT PERDERE DEMENTAT PRIVS
Those whom Jupiter wishes to destroy, he first deprives of reason.

Introduction.

With that out of the way, Michael Afghani (DOB 5 April 1999) of Allen, Texas is an autistic and generally troubling individual of half-Persian extraction and a student at UT Dallas. Michael is, to summarize, an incel turned troon turned Islamist and the man behind the bizarre attempted “saga” of converting Christian Weston Chandler to Islam. As we have learned to expect, looking into Michael's Internet footprint revealed degeneracy and hilarity in roughly equal proportions. While Michael's attempts to convert Chris to Islam appear to pre-date the Merge, and vague rumors of this activity circulated among those in the know, he only came to wider public knowledge after writing an immensely cringey letter to Chris while the latter was jailed for committing incest with his mother. As should come as no surprise whatsoever to anyone who knows anything about how Chris usually reacts to people trying to “help him,” Chris brushed him off in rather hilarious fashion.

This religiously-motivated weenery might have faded into the mists of obscurity had not the young Mr. Afghani, as @Coupon11, and an associate who's IRL identity, we are withholding due to being a minor, as @Kattzeow (now banned), gone on to the Kiwi Farms in a desperate quest for attention. Much like a gender-swapped version of Isabella and Louis, they did not meet with a good reception and, while not quite as spectacularly as their predecessors, they began to sperg out, taunt the Kiwis, and essentially beg to be doxed. His repeated outright invitations to dox him aside, Michael's statements in various Discord leaks confirm that he does, in fact, think that getting doxed is not a good thing, contrary to his boasts here.

Like so many swaggering, overconfident morons before him, Michael's galaxy-brained activity on the Farms has lead to the revelation of much deeply unflattering information and, one cannot ignore, a number of parallels to a certain fungus-infected student of another Texas university. Not unlike Bella, he has pronounced gender issues, has been the subject of a Title IX investigation for sexual harassment, engaged in bizarre unhygienic behavior at his university and, last but not least, has boasted about torturing hamsters and alluded to being in favor of adult/child sexual interactions.

Also not unlike Bella, Michael comes from a privileged background and many of his family members are impressive and successful individuals in their respective fields. Also not unlike Bella, not to mention Sean, Chris himself, and many other cows afflicted with developmental issues, Michael's mom had him at an advanced age: 43 years old which, unless IVF was involved, is approaching Old Testament miracle status (natural pregnancy has a 1-2% chance of success at this age and, as is repeatedly demonstrated on the Farms, is associated with lifelong developmental issues, particularly autism.) So, born with every advantage except for this unfortunate predictor of autism, Michael seems to have gone off the rails completely in his teens, going from being observed as a potential mass shooter during high school to getting involved with exotic drugs and trooning out age 17 to, finally, converting to his own spergy interpretation of the Muslim religion (and a quite different one from his family's.)

Suffice it to say, we've got a real live one here, folks. So once more, pour yourselves something stiff and let's dig in!

Persona

Despite his young age, Michael has an extensive history and rather unique persona which has left a length and degenerate footprint on the Internet. Born in comfortable circumstances to a Persian father and American mother, who passed away when he was 20, Michael found himself in terminally-online circles starting very young (in fact, musing just today on the Kiwi Farms about how hard it is to lumberjack a young person's Internet, with reference to Chris, but of course, as is often the case with people who get involved with the seaweed-haired granddaddy of all lolcows, this reflected himself.)

At the tender age of 17, Michael fell down the transgender rabbithole, no doubt due to influences from that same sphere working upon his fragile developing masculinity. He legally changed his name to Samantha at age 18, barely a month after his birthday, and went off to college with a transgender (and highly sexually confused) persona. He got involved with drugs and with promiscuity, talking about an addiction to DMT (a very powerful psychedelic but not known for being addictive), flouncing around campus in his best rendition of a twinky femboy, and at one point, “sucking five different cocks in a week,” a phenomenon known to troonologists as "pseudobisexuality," where an autogynephiliac so gets off on the idea of being a woman that he develops a lust for men despite not being a homosexual.

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None of this, of course, made Michael feel any better about himself, so he decided to detransition and changed his name back at age 19, no doubt to the relief of his parents. However, he went from one overwhelming preoccupation to another. His father's side of the family having fled Iran after the downfall of the Shah, Michael had at least a tenuous connection to the Islamic faith, but this would become his next preoccupation in his very early 20's. Interestingly, his family origin would suggest that his interest would lie in Shi'ite Islam, but he instead sought out a conservative form of Sunni Islam, perhaps because it was more accessible online and in real life (there are many times as many Sunni mosques than Shia ones in the Dallas-Fort Worth area) but also likely to agitate his parents.

Michael continues as a student at UT Dallas, at least by his account doing rather well there as a Chemistry major with a GPA of 3.6, but struggles socially and, generally speaking, in transitioning to adulthood. Encouraged by his parents, he's had a few part time jobs, mostly in food service, where the presence of pork has been a serious obstacle for him. Muslim jurisprudence differs on how much involvement one may have with preparing pork products for others, but Michael has moved this from beyond religious scruples into an autistic preoccupation. These days, he spends his precious hours trying to convert a profoundly autistic transsexual Internet personality to Islam, whining about his lack of a girlfriend, or proselytizing other transsexuals in his discord server in between manually retyping long Wikipedia articles.

Home Life

The house that Michael current resides is in a comfortable part of Dallas.

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How does someone who lives in half million dollar house live? Like an absolute goblin.

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Next we find a Qu'ran (a book Michael professes to read but doesn't understand) a collection of bottles, beakers, tubes, and other glassware that we can only imagine what floral effervescence he cooks up alone while weeping in verse. Michael has registered a perfuming company (Jupiter Fragrances Inc., DUNS #039730691, reg. 11 September (lol) 2020), a traditional Persian trade, but probably manages to fuck that up to. Given his prior interest in recreational drugs, too, his extensive glassware collection might be considered worrying in completely different ways.

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Rounding out our journey by the bed, and in case you thought the association between incels and piss bottles was merely a meme, our Alchemical Autist needs only the freshest sample of the Golden Liquor that ever flows from one as EXCEPTIONAL as himself. Why should it go down the toilet and waste it, nay our Fearless Furfuck recycles it like his Hero Chris Chan into what form we can only pray never to smell.

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While Michael is out trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girlfriend at a Pork-free jobsite he tries his hand at becoming the next Christian Dior combing herbal essence to no doubt entice the opposite sex to look his way, pay attention to him, to help him find his JULAY. The small bottles he pours his concoction into the vials wondering if this is the one that will help him find his WIFE, that or cause him to go blind.

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His slovenly hovel of a room is cluttered with useless garbage, a chair with rags on it's handles (probably to tie up really anything with a pulse from escaping), boxes of trash and powders of god knows what and why.

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Potential School Shooter?

Michael was a strange guy from the start, and, like so many antisocial weirdos before him who were unable to adapt to society, he was bullied for his odd behavior in High School. Perhaps not enough.

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All claims of finding it to be a big joke aside, it seems this bullying, and the social isolation it caused had such an effect on Michaels daily life that he began to plot violent revenge against his classmates. Perhaps fortunately, being terminally online and having no filter, Michael shared these feelings online, which was understandably distressing to his peers, one of whom was so shaken that she had a breakdown during the exams because she thought Michael was ready to go Columbine on his class.

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This disturbing behavior came to the attention of his teachers and school administration, and Michael was investigated but found to be just a tryhard and not a credible threat (due to what we know of Michael it's likely any attempt would have made Couch Cuck look like Anders Brievik) but the administration advised the teachers and students to break off all contact with the creepy little shit after his graduation. Michaels school shooter obsession didn't leave him though, and after his failed attempt to get Chris to convert, he found himself looking into other troubled humans, and he would bore his discord friends and creep them out with his habit of copying by hand Wiki articles. Michaels inability to even make eye contact, let alone talk to girls, led him to online incel forums:

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Here, his shooter fascination led him to discovering a bit of a kindred spirit in the Isla Vista shooter and king of the incels, “Supreme Gentleman” Elliot Rodger:

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Thankfully for all involved, Michael has always been too much of a coward to confront actual humans who could fight back, and instead chose to take out his frustrations and homicidal tendencies on smaller victims, who couldn't fight back. That's right, Michael is another fucking hamster killer. What is it about autistic Chris weens from Texas universities and torturing hamsters?

Trooning Out

As per his own admission, he has had a unhealthy 'hyper-fixation' on gender as a concept. This eventually snowballed into him deciding to undertake transition, as did so many of his peers in the gender-confused hellscape that is Generation Z. The reason for this is not so simple to explain though, there are multiple contributing factors. Firstly is the classic autogynephilic trope of “wanting to be the gf”, which he has explicitly mentioned before: very much the classic incel-to-troon pipeline. But, another and more unique key factor is a certain run-in with the law that was a defining factor in his life. You may be forgiven in thinking he spent time in the clink or at the very least was threatened with arrest, but no. Michael was yelled at by a cop over the phone. That was it. Having an unpleasant phone-call was apparently so scarring an incident to Michael, that he just could not cope, and somehow became transgender as a coping mechanism. He is an individual who is incredibly weak willed, who constantly needs assurance and guidance that he now gets through Islam; being told off must have been akin to getting 100 lashes for this poor delicate boy.

However, it was not to last. While he did commit to the trans identity by legally changing his name to 'Samantha Afghani' in 2017, self-administering estrogen between Dec 2020-June 2021, trying to chemically castrate himself (more on this in a moment) and more, he was always somewhat disillusioned with it all. He tried and failed to detransition in 2018 (despite changing his name back to Michael) but unambiguously doing so only when he said shahada and converted to Islam in June 2021. Yes, our autistic little imam wannabe who's been reaching out to Chris has been a believer for under six months. Not just a classic example of the “zeal of the converted”, but perhaps an explanation as to why he was ignorant of such basic concepts in the faith as what time maghrib prayer is (it's evening, not 10PM, that's time for isha.)

Michael got his titty skittles but thought it wasn't enough. Since getting troon surgery is expensive and involves interacting with the adult world, Michael decided instead to seek out Internet “eunuch” communities, where other deranged faggots shared plans and techniques to mutilate their own junk. Michael settled on a totally sane and rational alternative: chemical castration, involving injecting chemicals normally used to sterilize brewery equipment into his own testicles, because if it's good enough to sterilize brewery supplies, it's good enough to sterilize him. In telling his friends online about his plan, Michael went into detail, and being the caring guy and totally not psycho hamster killer he is, just in case anyone else was tempted to try this new procedure, he was careful to recommend that you should make sure you are fully insured beforehand, just in case injecting caustic chemicals into your balls causes unwanted complications. Like sepsis. Or gangrene.

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College Life

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To paint the scene for what his general university life is/how Michael perceives his scholastic studies this screenshot sums it up perfectly:

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To summarize this whole arc, due to his delusional autistic brain, Michael sees University as a way to combat his sinning of constant masturbation, but as a hopeful stepping stone to getting him in that so sweet jannah he desires. Though unlike everyone else who goes to school to figure out what career/bettering themselves in education, it seems that our coom-brained hero only sees it to advance himself in Allah's graces while complaining life isn't fair for a “hard-working Islam”. We can directly compare and contrast his feeling on Islam and his studies in chemistry as he seems to try to compare the two on a seemingly regular basis using really nonsensical analogies trying to prove his point that indeed the Quran is used in daily life and science can pretty much explain everything. The following are some of the most nonsensical points.

Another aspect of Michael is his obsessive compulsion to study/to write out his notes an learnings to the whole discord community. A lot of what he types and writes is taken from wikipedia or his college classes, When copying articles pertaining to a whole range of different topics most including chemistry and the 1970's (which he obsesses over like @Dom Cruise over the 2000's, but at least Dom was alive for those) he types these articles out completely hand instead of copying and pasting them like anyone else would do, subjecting his Discord mates to a never-ending cavalcade of irrelveant facts. At certain points while he continued (and still does to the time writing) has neglected himself forgetting to eat, hygienic care, and sleep to get these things done, when questioned about it, he explained it as it keeps himself occupied and a way to keep himself from “sinning for Allah” and using “studying” as a means to keep himself from drinking and using pornography.

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One other aspect that he also consistently claims about is how other students/scientists who don't follow the Qu'ran or are atheist are doing much better than him and can't understand it:

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When he's not able to study he consistently goes off the rails in the discord server, when arguing with his dad, or having to work like everyone else he consistently cries and has autistic spaz-outs these are some of the complaints and outbursts that our mentally handicapped friend has.

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Speaking of which, this super scientist also believes that working out makes his brain wired up as it helps his “brain-flow” and that it would be sinning since going during the pandemic goes against “The law”

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But remember our lad is an intellectual of highest caliber couldn't do any wrong.

Employment

It is no surprise that Michael has proven himself to be not only inept at school work and the religion he himself idolizes, but another aspect not yet explained until now is his ineptitude at working consistently at a job while simultaneously at school. Unlike most people who can balance between the two, Michael seems to think he is entitled not to work and in order to pass himself in jannah with his 72 houri, he must study and not stand behind a counter flipping burgers and touching pork.

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Another important aspect to note that plays a key role into all of this is his job hunting/interview skills. A lot of what he posts on discord is always a “I don't know if I got the job” or “I was too nervous” which is rightfully due common in the modern day world, as it is a cut-throat market. HOWEVER it needs to be noted that instead of learning how to cope with said problems or practicing it like most sane-minded people, he instead goes and wings it, and complains for attention. When called out for his pedantic behavior he seems to pull back his word and tries to justify himself or make as many excuses as possible in order to make him feel less as a perpetrator of his own design, and a victim of circumstance. However, even with all the ineptitude that doing these interviews Michael seems to have the “Blessing of Allah” as he consistently hired and during our small investigation we discovered several places of employment that explain not only the exceptional misconceptions about working, but also the ineptitude of research in job-hunting, the following are the most important places that we came across.

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One of the earliest Job-scapades we noticed and started to delve a little deeper on was his short stint at a pizza place. He had only been working at the place for a little while, and it is to be believed that he was only a delivery-boy. However it became increasingly clear in his Discord conversations he had an grave aversion to delivering pepperoni pizza (something which all but the most hard-line Muslim authorities do not consider haram as there is no contact with pork through the pizza box.) So averse was he, in fact, that he contemplated running away from home to make a point in the style of a 14-year old girl:

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Even his fellow Discord spergs thought he was being foolish and impulsive, not to say rude, for leaving in the middle of his shift, but Michael was unable to summon the courage to do anything more than leave his manager a Post-It note and scurry away when out of sight, not even 4 hours into his shift, leaving an entire work space unaccounted for and understaffed, ruining the days of not only his manager harder but the minimum-waged employees that were there also. He would, in typical grandiose manner, speak of this as a “sacrifice” and no doubt another way to guarantee himself access to his promised 72 houri.

Despite throwing away this opportunity, Michael got on his feet pretty quickly and began working at an ice cream shop.

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What was his "pickle", do you ask? One related to the one in his pants, it appears.

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Is that our hero couldn't stop being horny with so many uncovered women around: they were an occasion to sin. While most of his peers would consider this work environment a truly epic win, Michael skulked around like a weirdo and avoided his cute coworkers as much as possible.
So, lacking gainful employment to take up his days, what was a newly devout young man to do?

Project CWCIslam

On the 13th August 2021, Michael started a new Discord server for his latest crazy scheme. Heedless of the risks involved with screwing around with one of the highest profile degenerates on the Internet during the most high-profile moment in his life, Michael would not only leave this Discord open to the public but "BOOST" it on a daily basis on public Discord leaderboards.

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They also set up a GoFundMe as well to defray the (minimal) expenditure involved in setting up a P.O. Box for their venture. This was a reasonably wise step, but, as should be obvious by the existence of this thread, just about every step tht would follow was disastrous from the perspective of maintaining privacy. Not only was their Discord left open to cater to Michael's need for constant validation, but, they couldn't resist crowing about their failed op, first to the CWCki Discord, and then to the Farms, where Michael immediately began to demand recognition and that the CWCki, the BibleQu'ran of weens, be updated to include him:

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This understandably lead to their being mocked, but also to curiosity. Rapidly, the PO Box was uncovered as was the Discord.

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Initially, this was assumed, especially with Michael's ignorance of Islam, to be an elaborately constructed failtroll. As the rabbit hole grew deeper, it became apparent that it was not. Like many weens, Michael began to fantasize about becoming the next Clyde Cash soon after learning about Chris like all the other products of Geno Samuel and the CWCki that have disgraced themselves in the past 90 days. But unlike other weens and would-be trolls, Michael was imbued with convert's zeal and a religiously-motivated savior complex, and seems to have wholeheartedly believed in his cause not only as a way to use Chris as a stepping-stone to e-fame but to eternal salvation. He believed that not only should he convert Chris to Islam, and not only that it would be possible, but that it was the right thing to do. Why, you may ask? It's simple.

He's a Chris kinnie.

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He outlined this view to several members of the Lunar Module (for those wondering: a splinter Discord from the Generic Server, which in itself is a splinter from, of all things, the /r/drugs server) Discord on August 13th, 2021. Several of the resident users (understandably) responded negatively to this, and told him to cut the shit.

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Their pleas went unanswered.

At 8:54 PM CDT that night, Michael first proposed the idea of starting an official project to convert Chris to Islam in #lunar-general-🌚. Emboldened by absolutely no one's response (the first reply came three minutes after he had already talked himself into creating the CWCIslam server), he created the server, shilled an invite, and was then met with thunderous (virtual) applause.

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Project CWCIslam was no longer a twinkle in dear Michael's eye, but had now been given the gift (curse?) of life. The gayop had officially begun.

President Moon (moon unit#8755), the owner of The Lunar Module, first posted the invite in the official CWCki discord server (this will come into play later.)

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Michael, dumbass that he is, got the brilliant idea to post on the Kiwi Farms, after all, CWCKi Forums, right? Because nothing bad can happen from doing that...r-right? His friend validated this, saying that it “would be good idea [sic].” This was during the time period where Dear Leader had locked registration from new users, though, and Michael didn't have an account here, so he just resorted to spamming the DM inboxes of members of the CWCki Discord.

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Which rapidly caught him a ban, and if that gaggle of autists and zoomers will ban you for weening, you know that you've got problems.

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The day is now August 15th, 2021. Let's switch back to the CWCIslam Discord, which is now in its infancy. Around 50 members have joined by this point, most of them from Michael recruiting in both the CWCki server and various Muslim Discord servers, giving a potent mix of spergy CWC enthusiasts, spergy Islam enthusiasts, and trolls. The first letter was being drafted on a Google Doc, with dubious levels of progress:

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Skunt_TV, Z-list streamer, owner of the CWCki Discord and potential lolcow candidate himself, joined the CWCIslam server to tell Michael that his gayop was a terrible fucking idea and he shouldn't go through with it, which is something akin to being dragged to an intervention by a barfly.

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Michael's galaxy-brained (and misspelled) response was:

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Undeterred by this, Michael now reconsidered the idea of shilling on the Kiwi Farms, hoping that we would make “[his] accomplishments well known and help [his] goals.” In his incredibly naïve worldview, the Farms are a place for people like him to congregate and share their autistic trolling plans. To me, anyway, this beggars belief, especially consider there's a disclaimer at the bottom of every lolcow thread stating that we're not an autistic Illuminati and those who think we are will be ridiculed, and the Kiwis were at that very moment engaged in eating alive a number of individuals who had thought themselves to be just such an illuminati, but it's been well established by this point that Michael has a very difficult time following well-intentioned advice, and that weens inevitably fuck around and find out.

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"Kiwifarms is a pretty big deal! If they recognize you, you're big in Christory!"

Fast forward through a few months of whining and Islamic shenanigans: Michael sent the now-finished letter off to Chris, and proceeded to enter the first CWCIslam Kiwi Farms thread. But he wasn't met with the warm welcome he expected.

Kiwi Farms Visit

The first thread Project CWC Islam created on the Kiwi Farms was by @Kattzeow (some Reddit/Twitter troon, promptly underage b&) on 10/13/2021, posting a letter the group had received from Chris in response to their reaching out to him with proselyting and Quranic verses. Michael, who had been sperging out on his own in a frankly bizarre thread he made about doxing not being a big deal (an opinion he has already abandoned, and one that will certainly depart entirely when he realizes he's been doxed and threaded like so many overconfident faggots before him). The incredible hubris shows up in his lack of understanding not only around doxing and it's consequences, but about what inevitably happens to people who do stupid stuff around Chris. Tempting fate, Michael stated “if someone tortured hamsters then it's a simple matter of calling up the police, school, work, media etc and saying “this person tortured hamsters””, a subject to which we will return later. Despite being summarily dismissed by the Kiwis as a gargantuan faggot, he continued to goad and taunt, autistically repeating the same misconceptions about doxing and decried becoming the next ILJ. He ultimately changed his Kiwi profile picture from his pretty face to an unflushed turd and ceased his posting. It is now known this was part of his strategy to 'starve the farms of information' so we would become bored and move on. That 'experiment' as he described it didn't work out quite like he expected.

Parallels to ILJ

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As might have occurred to you already, the similarities between Michael and Isabella Loretta Janke - the self proclaimed 'best troll on history' - are frankly startling. (Indeed, he also has a lot of similarities with Sean Walker, the 'final protagonist of christory'.) It's such an unsettling set of coincidences of personality defects and circumstances, that were this a TV show, you'd accuse the writers of running out of ideas.

To begin with, the obvious: an insecure, gender-confused, edgy autist living in Texas in their early 20s, with a discord-based cult of personality, who sought to influence Chris Chan for their own lulz - who as it turns out comes from a rich family, was born so late into their mom's lives as to probably be an accident, and have a slew of personality disorders so long as to cause any psychologist to just call it quits. Also like Bella, Michael exhibits a lot of sexually abnormal behaviors, in his case they seem to be an addiction to masturbation and (ahem) unusual pornography, as well as a “hyperfixation on gender” - both of them also received a Title IX investigation from their universities for harassment of other individuals.

Like Bella, Michael's family is full of rather successful people; Michael Janke being a glowie of some high renown, and Michael's father having built a good life for the family in the tech industry after fleeing Iran. His brother is a successful patent attorney. Both he and Bella clearly got the short end of the genetic stick: hardly surprising seeing as both of their mothers were well past middle age when they had them. There have been numerous studies showing that having children at so advanced an age leads to developmental disorders. Also like Bella, Sean, et all, he also has a fascination for the “old internet”, despite having been less than a squirt in his dad's scrote back when “the old internet” was a thing.


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You tell 'em, anon!​

And also like Bella, his involvement might have gone ignored if not for his instance in sticking his fist further into the feces and constantly involving himself with the farms, taunting users to dox him, and just generally painting a target on his back. He is not ignorant to these similarities with Bella, but in particular he obsesses about one particular aspect of her:


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Huh, he sure is preoccupied with her torturing hamsters. Good thing the similarities end there, right, and he would never do such a thin- OH.

Oh yeah. He also tortures hamsters. You cannot make this shit up. Stick around to read about that!

So, to any zoomers reading this and thinking about cementing your place in Christory by fucking with CWC; do not bother. Chris is a severely sick individual who has done the unspeakable; he is paying the price for it. All you do by messing with him is painting a target on your own back. This is not a place of honor - no highly esteemed lulz are commemorated here - nothing valued is here. If you spend your youth trying to manipulate one of the most infamous individuals online, chances are you have some dinosaur-sized bones in your closet. You don't want any of that infamy, do you? Look to Janke and Afghani as cautionary tales.

The Gory Details

There are no two ways about it; Michael is a seriously deranged little fucker. If he was just an incel-troon-islamist, it would be funny, but at the end of the day kind of harmless. But like any other gutfuck coward, it never stops at just that; as will be elaborated on, Michael is a man with no innate empathy, no internal drive other than fear and self-preservation. This combo manifested itself into sickening behaviour, which he now desperately tries to distance from himself, albeit poorly, because the second he thinks he is in private company (the Lunar Module server), he freely admits to his perversions. Most disturbingly however, he admits readily to killing small animals for “stress relief”. He explains in his own words:


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Why is it always fucking hamsters? They are apparently among the most often abused animals by budding psychopaths, presumably because they can be easily and discretely obtained for such experimentation, but according to Michael…how was he supposed to know any better than to not torture animals? Anyone else would have done the same thing!


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He blames his hobby of torturing small animals on the fact that he was an atheist, and God never told him no, an opinion that even the most fundamentalist of deontological moral systems would have trouble with: even as an irreligious person, Michael was not without role models that, oh, I don't know, didn't torture small animals. Presumably. His rationale is that Islam provides a rulebook as it were for how to live life; without religion, what’s to stop him from “being mean to animals.” So, given his constant need to be told what do do, it should come as no surprise as to why he eventually stopped torturing animals:
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(Ask any Kiwi with experience in that part of the world whether animal cruelty is more common here or in Muslim countries.)

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Like any good coward, Michael also refuses to see what is wrong with his actions; in his mind, torturing animals is a natural thing that anyone would do if not for the light of Allah to show them the way. As such, when he is treated like a freak for having tortured animals, he cannot see why that may be, and instead he feeds his own delusional persecution complex instead.

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No sane person thinks like this. No one gives half a fuck, no one is saying this. He tries to use his Muslim identity as a shield from criticisms about his own personality. But don’t worry guys, he is totally reformed now, and his shitlicking personality has been reformed. He will never torture mice or hamsters again. They are fully safe in his custody. And on that note, here’s a fun fact: Michael the hamster torturer currently owns a hamster!


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It's worth noting that in his episodes of copying Wikipedia articles by hand, he also copied several articles about Hamsters. Draw your own conclusions about that, but it's probably worth saying that you'd have this guy hamster-sit for you like you'd have Shadman babysit your kids.

Family Relations

Clearly, Michael is someone who wants attention, constantly. Good or bad. A lot of this was aimed at his long suffering parents, who Michael believes treat him terribly, despite them letting him live at home rent free and paying for his tuition. Life is just not fair for Michael, whose parents don't tolerate his constant bullshit and won't just allow him to act out how he wants, pushing him to try and make something of himself instead of whining online.

Michael's bullshit, habit of finding any excuse not to work, and general spergery has created a lot of family conflict and seems to be wearing out his fathers patience, which result in Michael crying about this horrible oppression and his family not understanding him to his friends online:


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As noted before, he's even contemplated doing a troubled-teen style runner from his family, but seems to be too cowardly and dependent to actually pull it off.


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Everywhere Michael has gone, he has become known for his attitude of “the world isn't fair”, his lazy and entitled attitude, generally emotional weakness, and way of giving in at the slightest stress. These attributes don't bode well for his survival long in the big bad world and seem to have fed into a cycle where the more he depends on his parents the more he resents them, and vice versa. His primary way of expressing his resentment seems to be by behaving in ways that maximally embarrass his parents. This, of course, couldn't be accomplished if his parents were out of the loop on his degeneracy, so Michael would leaves clues for his parents to find, and he would regularly cycle reddit accounts, after leaving passive aggressive messages for his family, one literally from the username u/ScrewOffDad!

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I dunno, maybe his family was spying on him because he was clearly unstable and they wanted to head off the possibility of him doing something really stupid and dangerous. Perhaps it is only due to his parent's nosiness and the grace of Allah that he wound up sending weird letters to a retarded mother-raper instead of shooting up a school. It's clear that his parents care for him, as parents do, despite his deficiencies, but Michael shows exactly zero appreciation for it, although they still let him leech off them like a parasite and live at home at 22, unable to hold down a job or manage his own finances in an adult way. His parents even tried to rein in his posting embarrassing shit online, which obviously didn't work out very well.

Any attempt at “adulting” for Michael seems to have ended up in total meltdown, like when he hid in the bathroom instead of finishing his shift at Taco Bell because he somehow didn't know they served pork until his manager told him to handle some and he sperged the fuck out. While religious dietary restrictions are something that deserve respect, walking out of the job and not even having the courtesy to tell anyone where he was going, let alone finishing his shift, all while giving a play-by-play to other retards on Discord, shows a lot about his character.


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Reminiscent of Bob's response.


Given the cultural zeitgeist in the late 2010's, a trend seemingly ready-made to agitate his fairly conservative parents was for Michael to turn troon, which he did at the tender age of 17. Unsurprisingly this complicated things at home but Michael's longsuffering dad seems to have put up with it and continued to show care and concern, as a father should.
Despite its early success as a “fuck you Dad”, Michael's foray into the stunning and brave world of genderbending lost some of it's shock and cachet as, after his mother died, Michael's father had more things on his mind than his trooned out “trans-daughter”, so, after an incident in which Michael got told off in epic style by a cop for being a creep, Michael moved onto the next thing he could think of to piss off his Dad: he converted to Islam. Not just Islam, but hardcore Sunni Islam (while his father is moderate, westernized, and, being Persian, almost certainly Shi'ite.) This planted the seeds for Michael's quixotic quest for a fast food job where he doesn't have to interact with pig products but, more germane to our interests, his bizarre attempts to convert Chris to Islam.

This private information is unavailable to guests due to policies enforced by third-parties.


"PROJECT CWC ISLAM"
html + attachments (448.09 MB) https://anonfiles.com/L6j3wfOeu6/Project_CWC_Islam_10-17-21_zip
"THE LUNAR MODULE"
html + attachments (1.07 GB) https://anonfiles.com/n4jd97Q9ue/The_Lunar_Module_html_att_10-26-21_zip
html (46.5 MB) https://anonfiles.com/D3JcM6Q1u4/The_Lunar_Module_html_10-26-21_zip
csv (6.26 MB) https://anonfiles.com/h7JcMdQaub/The_Lunar_Module_csv_10-26-21_zip

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CREDITS
Co-Authors: @DiscoRodeo @easy @Greasy Spoon @Nuka Victory @Procrastinhater @Reverend @Spooky Bones @Syntaxion @WhoTheFuckIsZeroTwo; Contributors: @Aeon Path @GumballFapper @Marmalady @Mendicant @Taylor Swift's Ghostwrite
 
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Pee Cola

it's a real drink
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 27, 2020
This is literally the 2nd lolcow thread I have ever made, first in PG. Isabella was my first and was in CWC. Let's hope MBA doesn't warrant a forum.
It's a top quality OP, especially given this is only your second ever PG thread. Here's hoping this one turns out to be a little less lively than your first.

Edit: Oh sweet Jesus... this one also has a hamster.
(:_(
 

Spooky Bones

I am a deceitful person. Be wary of my intentions!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 29, 2019
Also I'm considering possibly joining the military.
I can imagine security clearance being ... problematic. And not because of your faith, they'd have loved you, especially if you have some proficiency with Farsi or Arabic, but unfortunately, you pissed that away to fuck with a retard online.

As they say, Michael, "fuck around and find out." You cannot, in the most literal sense of the phrase, say we (and others, including even chromosome warriors of the quality found on the CWCki Discord) didn't tell you so.