Lolcow Mike Sparks / "Sparky" / JamesBondIsReal / dynmicpara - Wants to make tanks fly, believes James Bond is real, and Jace, if Jace was real

Tranhuviya

Degenerate Robot
kiwifarms.net
Lt. Mike Sparks, ret. is a member of the Tennessee House of Representatives and a retired marine. He is also a fucking loon.

Mike is many things, however.

the bell tolls for thee.png


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WHO IS GOOD GUY?
WHO IS BAD GUY?


Mike is very concerned with the course of our modern military today, but his statements are very odd. His "1st Tactical Studies Group" appears to be merely a series of bombastic rants from him, with some odd statements throughout:


People have encountered Mr. Sparks on the internet before, often in very confrontational contexts.


Mike continues to be a very odd personality, to this day. It is unlikely that he will not be such in the immediate future.
 
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Tranhuviya

Degenerate Robot
kiwifarms.net
Um, well. More on Mike.

Mike is also apparently a conspiracy theorist, or at least interacts with them - believing in Nazi UFOS that Ian Fleming apparently had contact with. This video also provides us with two rare things with Mike. A glimpse of the man himself - and a inside look at his room, circa 2013.

Mike's Room.png


As of this point, I am unsure whether or not Lt. Mike Sparks ret., is a veteran or not.
 

YankeeTrader

I believe Brad Watson to be "a hack fraud"(47)
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Um, well. More on Mike.

Mike is also apparently a conspiracy theorist, or at least interacts with them - believing in Nazi UFOS that Ian Fleming apparently had contact with. This video also provides us with two rare things with Mike. A glimpse of the man himself - and a inside look at his room, circa 2013.

View attachment 142319

As of this point, I am unsure whether or not Lt. Mike Sparks ret., is a veteran or not.
Well if he's really he same one as the Rep Mike Sparks, then he doesn't. His official gov't bio has zero military service mentioned.
 

Bassomatic

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
So being a bit of a rifle collector I had to poke my head in the amazing idea for a new weapon.

Wow, that was long and this is the high lights.

Some cliffs to spare everyone sperging.
He cites things that aren't true, related or an issue.
He literally uses youtube videos showing a James Bond Video game as evidence
He spends a good few paragraphs rambling about gun control
He likes Daniel Craig because he played James Bond
He mentions the Secret Service (who protect the POTUS and deal with cash crimes) has the initals SS... you know like the nazis! This proves the NWO.
ISIS is scared of shot guns and wants to ban them from war
He cites himself as an expert and quotes himself
Loading a rifle from stripper clips good. Loading a mag with stripper clips that goes in the rifle is awful and lazy engineering (if it comes off or not the part of a gun that holds ammo is the magazine so he's saying the same thing is good idea but if you can do it when a magazine is out of the gun is bad) then doesn't expand on this
Because we don't take old SKS and tacticool them out is why troopers in the Stryker combat vehicle die.
One time an M4 carbine was shot and ceased to function, this is proof of poor engineering.
We have people in the military who's job is to learn the weapons of other nations. But we should also do this for the police incase of invasion and they can't get to the swat bunker, cops should know to to use Russian heavy machine guns and chinese rocket launchers. This is common sense.
Any non camo gun is useless
Sport shooting is stupid and we shouldn't do safety classes for fire arms in the military they should hand you a gun and teach you how to fight with it. Marksmanship is stupid (Marines are very boastful of their shooting skills)
It's common for 8mm Mauser and smaller bullets to be dodged by people when you snipe them. So 50 cal sniper rifles for us all
Sniper rifles can damage a ww2 tank so probably good for today's tanks
Black Hawk Down taught us, air crews should have his magic rifle
.45ACP is stubby as a round and can't kill people due to it.
Pictures of Ronald Reagan, FDR and JFK with fire arms, this is proof they were good presidents
Here's the email address to some random person in the army send them a message to tell them my ideas are great.
 

Techpriest

Praise the Machine Spirits
kiwifarms.net

So I've been sitting on this crazy ass motherfucker for a while and going after more obscure lolcows related to military spergs, but I think I've found the quintessential. Without further ado, I present to you Sparky, the man who wants to make a flying tank, thinks James Bond is real, and believes in nearly every conspiracy theory out there.

Mike Sparks claims to be a graduate of Liberty University with a degree in history teaching, before he went into the military - and at least someone with that name has written some articles for the Marine Corps magazine, and he's also been credited with several articles, and even a few books. As far as I can tell, Sparky has indeed served in both the Marine Corps and US Army Reserve, though I doubt that he served in the Reserve very long judging by the conduct he usually shows right now.

Sparky has been at this since the late 90's early 2000's, with the earliest sperging I could find about him from old usenet posts recorded by google. Suffice it to say, I'm merely scratching the surface right now with my research on him, but I think this post from fucking 2007 on him is an accurate summary of his particular brand of autism.



Suffice it to say, time has not proven him a mad genius, in fact it's proven him among the most persistent and autistic milsperg of them all - for nearly two decades, which puts him as active longer than plenty of famous cows, including OPL.

So far I've determined that Mike has about 2 or 3 websites, his primary one for his in no way affiliated with the military at all "First Tactical Research Group (Airborne)" and the second his “James Bond is REAL” site. He also has no less than six YouTube channels, all of which are fucking *magical* in their own special way and have a separate bit of autism special to each of them (And I will probably still dig up even more later on, so stay tuned to this section because this is a fucking goldmine of lol’s and autism - especially in the comments section. Sparky also takes his autism outside of YouTube, and has gotten to a certain amount of collective awareness on most military forums or boards.




Not to mention, a few April Fools Jokes about him.



Sparky went through a bit of a dead period between around 2012 to 2014 in terms of content, though he’s resurfaced recently as an internet personality to a degree, offering an interview to Red Pill Reports [5] The real meat of his content still comes from his old sites, though his various facebook accounts are still active and viable, as I’ll post here with a summary.

According to his LinkedIn page, this is his personal facebook


Facebook for the 1st Tactical Research Group (Airborne)

Facebook for ‘James Bond is Real’

Outside of Facebook, his YouTube has been the real source of content for Sparks, and I’ll give you possibly the most infamous video he’s ever made


Along with links to his various YouTubes, because seriously, there’s a gold mine here and I’m only scratching the surface. Note this list is subject to change at any point because the man has a fucking assload of accounts, and I spent three hours ferreting out these


CONFIRMED:

Dynmicpara

Dynmicpara2

Dynmicpara3

Lieutenant Sparks USAR


PROBABLE:

No More Narcissism 101

RavenTactical


Moreover, despite this OP already hitting two pages of content, I’m quite sure that I’ll be able to add more to in time, and I’m leaving a few links here to also help with people discover the magic of sparky such as:




His magical entry level HTML skills



His amazing fanfiction

And more to come
 

Splendid

Ignore mods. Report and negrate their posts.
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
He seems to have worked in the Marines doing supply stuff for about seven months before leaving according to one source. I have no idea how you leave after just seven months, but whatever happened seems to have inspired a lifelong hatred of the Marines.
 
Yet another dude who has either never served or served very little in a bureaucratic function yet considers himself the God-Child of Sun Tzu, Kutuzov and Erwin Rommel.

There are a bunch of dudes like this everywhere in the militaria world, but this guy just throws it all out there for everyone to see instead of keeping it limited to dumb forum posts or his own personal fantasies.

I will say I enjoyed his autistic-as-all-fuck James Bond fanfic. I might have to do a dramatic reading of it one day.
 

Techpriest

Praise the Machine Spirits
kiwifarms.net
Ah, the Military cows. I have a weird fascination with them, since I stumbled across the "stolen valor" callouts videos on youtube.

This dude looks more like a skitzo cow, tho. His ramblings and ideas are fucking nonsense.
Fun fact - Mike *might* be stolen valor, or at least a washout among washouts claiming to have been far more important than he once was, which is the same thing in a lot of people's minds.



Back in 2010, someone created a wordpress blogspot and then dropped it when they discovered Sparky had indeed served in the military and luckily for me it is still up. Mike then responded to this post with this -



I think it speaks for itself. The site also had another fun picture of Sparky by the way.

 

AN/ALR56

Meu avô era do DOPS
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I think the best autism he wrote was that army helicopters are being shot down because they are painted desert yellor or green.
Also he created a flying tank to avoid making the army ask for us airforce airlifts.(like the us airforce would or could give the finger to the army if they asked for transports)
 

Big Nasty

ASSHOLE
kiwifarms.net
Oh boy! Kiwi Farms is back, and with a Mike Sparks thread!

On and off, I've been doing army stuff and been connected to army stuff since waaaay back, and Sparky is a special favorite of mine.

Well, back in the early 90's Sparky apparently was pretty lucid. Together with some major called Charles Jarnot, he co-authored a book to promote the concept of airmobile mechanized infantry equipped with lightweight tracked armored vehicles. I have read this book and can say that I think the proposed TOEs for these "air-mech" units are actually pretty neat.
 

Techpriest

Praise the Machine Spirits
kiwifarms.net
Oh boy! Kiwi Farms is back, and with a Mike Sparks thread!

On and off, I've been doing army stuff and been connected to army stuff since waaaay back, and Sparky is a special favorite of mine.

Well, back in the early 90's Sparky apparently was pretty lucid. Together with some major called Charles Jarnot, he co-authored a book to promote the concept of airmobile mechanized infantry equipped with lightweight tracked armored vehicles. I have read this book and can say that I think the proposed TOEs for these "air-mech" units are actually pretty neat.
Yeah, Air-Mech Strike right? I heard it kinda got panned, though some of the ideas in it are worth looking into, the situations given where they would be more effective than conventional forces are very limited and specific in scope.

Anyway, here's a screencap of some more Sparky.

 

Splendid

Ignore mods. Report and negrate their posts.
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
So for those who don't know, this is an M113:

It's not at all aerodynamic. It's a fucking armored box on treads.
It's old as shit. It was introduced in 1962, and has since been replaced in most roles by the far superior Bradley IFV. The Bradley is in turn so old that the army is gearing up to replace it with something else. The only reason why the M113 is still in service is that it's unusually tall and roomy, which makes it better for some specialty tasks (carrying mortars, etc. But not front line troop transport.)
It's super thinly armored. At close ranges, and AK47 can punch through the hull. Also, the armor is made of aluminum, so it can catch on fire.
This is the vehicle that Mike Sparks believes the U.S. Army should be based around. He wants to magically make it narrower and reduce its weight, then load it up into helicopters and fly it around. He also seems to like the idea of making this thing capable of flying under its own power with some sort of bolt-on wings or something similar. The futility of trying to get an armored metal box airborne should be pretty obvious.

tl;dr. The thing in the picture is old, shitty, and cannot fly. He wants it to fly.