Mothering Forum - Breastfeeding, anti-vaxx, and co-sleeping, oh my!

[Azafran90]

Hello. We are possibly at the beginning of the unschooling journey. My son is almost 13, we live in the UK.

I looked into it a few years ago when my son was struggling with being at primary school. He's now done just over a year at secondary school and, although things were better for a while when he started, he's just had almost 2 weeks off (again) due to 'feeling unwell'. He is bright and has so much potential but I think traditional school isn't the right environment for him to learn and it's making him ill and depressed and demotivated to learn.

His form tutor called me on Friday and said (not in a threatening way) if he isn't in on Monday we'll need to have a meeting to discuss what is going on and what the school can do. I told her some of his issues - the main ones being he's having to learn Shakespeare which he finds boring, his science teacher makes the kids spend the whole lessons copying stuff down off the board, and he is finding French lessons too easy because he was moved down a set at the end of the last school last year. A bit of background - they lump French into the humanities subject area and as he wasn't doing so well in the other humanities he got moved down for all humanities so had to be moved down for French too. French is one of the few subjects he excelled at/has a talent for/interest in and he was very upset when he learned he was to be moved down a set. School assured me he wouldn't be left behind but he says the work is too easy, he's completing it before all his classmates and gets fed up with having to ask for more so doesn't bother any more. What can the school do? I can't see them changing the English curriculum for him (Shakespeare is a core part of the English GCSE apparently), or moving him up for all the other humanities classes if he isn't capable of engaging in them. The science thing was an issue last year too (different teacher as well) and I got the impression I'm not the only parent to bring that one up.

I know if I talk to my friends about his issues they would say "well, he has to go to school, we all have to do things we don't want to do" or "if he likes French that much could you enrol him in some sort of outside of school lessons?" Yeah, he just loves school so much he wants to do more when he comes home - NOT! My son would just refuse to do anything like that. He left the cub scouts because it was 'too much like school'. I'm still indirectly involved with the scout group and the scout leaders tell me he would probably like scouts because the activities tend to be led/decided by the young people. But he doesn't even want to try now. Anyway, I'm rambling.

So now I'm at a junction where I'm seriously considering taking him out of the school system.

My biggest concerns/fears are:

- He will lose touch with his friends - though he plays with them online and that is their main interaction outside of school, he doesn't have that many friends anyway, and 2 of them are sons of one of my friends so there will always be opportunities to connect with them in person too.

- He will be at home by himself for most of the day and I'm worried he will become isolated - I am a single mum and now work full time. I can come home at lunch-times to check he's doing ok and we can keep in contact by text message/whatsapp if he needs me. For the moment he will want to spend most of his time playing games on his pc anyway. He's been fine with this arrangement over the last two weeks but that obviously isn't enough time for the novelty factor to wear off. He has complained in the past of feeling lonely

- He won't go outside. We had a cracking summer here last year and he spent almost the whole of it in his bedroom on his pc. I'd be surprised if he didn't have a vitamin D deficiency of some degree and should probably get that checked out.

- If he decides just having a break was enough and he wants to go back to school after a few months there won't then be any spaces available in his year group at the school, and he will have to attend a different school that he won't have any choice over and could be the school he adamantly did not want to go to.

I still need to look into what the home schooling/unschooling culture is here and how much support and resources there are, particularly if I'm not going to be around to take him to any groups or gatherings as I assume most are weekday/daytime when I'll be at work. I do know there is a supportive home school community though.

He has craved independence for a long time and it's partly why primary school was so hard for him as it was too geared towards protecting the younger kids at the unnecessary expense of restricting the older ones. But I've also been guilty of hovering and over-protection.

Sorry for the essay, thanks for reading. I think I just needed to write down everything going through my head and invite any thoughts or input from anyone who cares to comment.

ay, lmao!

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

That post really shows the main undercurrent of unschooling--their kids shouldn't be forced to do anything boring. Yeah, Shakespeare isn't always the most interesting for a 13 year old, but he's one of the most important English writers ever! You can't have a good English literature curriculum without Shakespeare.

But that's the thing: all schooling will, at some point, be boring. Even interesting things have boring parts. Even video games have grinding before it's fun.

There's more to her post----her son seems like a potential future NEET:

If you're a single mother and your child does nothing at home but play video games, he's not a good candidate for unschooling. Unschooling requires a highly motivated child, doubly so if they're not being supervised.

 

[Piga Dgrifm]

Unschooling is generally a bad idea since it usually devolves into doing absolutely nothing, and homeschooling isn't feasible if you're never at home and don't have a tutor of any sort.

 

[Maggots on a Train v2]

"My son is basically a genius, but can barely pass most of his classes. It must be that something is wrong with the minutiae of all his classes. Luckily, I can do a better job than all these teachers, because I am also a genius. I guess we can just skip all that learning shit and let him play vidya all day. He couldn't possibly need friends, or daily supportive contact with his father."

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

"My son is basically a genius, but can barely pass most of his classes. It must be that something is wrong with the minutiae of all his classes. Luckily, I can do a better job than all these teachers, because I am also a genius. I guess we can just skip all that learning shit and let him play vidya all day. He couldn't possibly need friends, or daily supportive contact with his father."

Reddit is full of the son--'I'm so smart that I'm so bored in all my classes and that's why my grades are bad!' It's true that not every smart person is going to get into Harvard because that takes both smarts and immense dedication, but they should be able to maintain a B- average. It's always accompanied by an autistic lack of understanding of having to do things you don't like.

 

[FarmerKhourtney]

This thread is so old but I found it really interesting. When I had my first kid in 2012 I had a lot of issues and ended up reading some of these mothering posts. And all I have to say is it can be very troubling for a new mom. But they’re also full of just insanity gold. Then as the kids get older, the threads start to be about- my kid is 6 and refuses to stop nursing. My kid is 8 and my husband wants him out of the bed. Etc etc the way they parent babies and toddlers creates nightmare children
I’m LATE. But I was glad to see this thread

 

[verygayFrogs]

Massive super huge powerleveling but here goes because it STILL pisses me off

Spoiler: You have been warned...

I had a major bust up with these cunts. My kid is in her early teens, started using social media, so I did a Google search of her name to check the paper trail and make sure she wasn't acting like a lolcow. Only one thing popped up: a mothering forum post asking posters what the strangest children's name they've heard is. A very active post with mothers bitching about random children's names, the same holier than thou cunts who try to outdo one another by tit feeding their 10 year olds. Well, my kids name was mentioned (it's a unique 1920's name), with her surname, even stating which school my kid was in at the time. Then three pages of them debating how she'll grow up to be a stripper and a whore, she'll be on drugs by 10, she'll be raped, I should be shot. It was fucking savage.

I messaged a moderator asking them to remove the comments because seriously...first thing that pops up on Google, not pleasant if she finds it, plus it had her school attached. The moderator basically told me it's my fault for choosing her name and to not take it seriously. It's just women having a bit of fun, all mothers together. Much fun, such . Lots of rape.

It got taken down by the school who had lawyers intervene.

Anyway, sorry again for the :powerlevel::powerlevel::powerlevel::powerlevel::powerlevel::powerlevel: and sperging. I just hate these self righteous cunts.

Not exactly powerleveling if it was directly involved with them. You were trying to be an actual parent and they wouldn’t comply with a reasonable request of taking down a forum bullying a literal child so others got involved. Simple as that

 

[Crimewatcher 44]

When you apply Mothering.com in the real world:
http://caselaw.findlaw.com/ct-superior-court/1606303.html

That mother shouldn't have any contact with that child, not even supervised, until she deals with her issues in therapy. Her constant fixation on the abuse that didn't happen will definitely mess that kid up psychologically.

 

[GenociderSyo]

Quite some time ago was asked to do a deep dive on the Mathis Family. Ended up losing my outline and notes so this has taken more time then it should have. The harsh backlash she got from the blatant forcing of her son to do this documentary and do tons of protest caused her to DFE. She privatized much of the proof from her caringbridge page and youtube, but luckily people were questioning here before this happened.

Questions about this mother began way before Coy and the transgender arc began on the mothering forum and other locals. There is a pretty solid bunch of people stating that her choices in the homebirth and later lack of true medical care for her children lead to Lily's disabilities. It is interesting she will see gender doctors for Coy to make puberty stop, but not to save her daughter from permantly disability due to what appears to have been untreated RSV.

Users on Mothering Forum called her out way before this all became a shitshow for her son:

Spoiler: More from Mothering Forum

Spoiler: 2004

• Joined forum in October
• It appears she joined right after giving birth to the oldest daughter and she quite enjoyed going way to TMI in that birth story. She doesn't take long to show that she quite enjoys ligitation by posting about restaurants trespassing women feeding uncovered. She also very quickly shows how anti medicine she is. She also loves to rile up posts and make shit up that she forgets about even in the same thread. Once she riles a thread up she disappears.
• She of course is an antivaxxer and antidoctor and very against the PKU test:
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• She of course decided like all these moms to do "elimination communication" at around 6 months old.
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• Crying supposedly neurologically damages children:
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• On breastfeeding until they are in school and just randomly blurting out she was molested:
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Spoiler: 2005

• She has now decided she must have a child in March and needs fertility drugs. She of course does not want to go to a doctor and wants to find out a way to do this with gaining pills off others or OTC.
• There is a deleted post around this time trying to garner attention in the Post-Partum Depression forum it appears it was deleted becaused users were stating she needed help ASAP because of something she said. The users were all telling her to stop and get medical and psychological help. She also claims in this post now that she used to be anorexic. She also during this stated her husband was abusing her and attempting to force her to have sex. She was also using something called TTC at this time to try to get pregnant since she was determied to be pregnant by March.
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• Why yes it is totally normal to wipe out a boob and shove it into a 6 year olds mouth in public...not abnormal at all...
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• She supposedly was put on Lexapro for depression around this time, but then complained it was too expensive.
• She decided why not go cloth toilet paper to save waste!
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• When medical advice is needed the appropriate place to go is the forum when your anti-doctor:
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• There is multiple threads she made about restoring her husbands foreskin...
• She did giant ebegging posts stating she couldn't pay bills or get groceries. Then never sent any of the packages out blaming flesh eating gingivitis that she wanted to cure with breastmilk:
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• She also wished to become a homebirth midwife herself.
• When asspats ran dry again she came up with a new story about having a misscarriage at 14:
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• She wants to eat the placenta at her next delivery:
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• She states she runs an in-home day care but has no items for it and wants people to send her them.
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• She ebegs every month to pay her bills and now is ebegging to move.
• She can't get pregnant because her husband's swimmers aren't potent enough so she wants people to send her free feritlity drugs.
• She suddenly decides she doesn't want her dog anymore so asks for people to buy it from her. This story changes depending on the forum its in to be hates dog, gotta pay to keep dog and not allowed to keep dog.
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• There is a deleted post from her confirmed later by users to be her getting Clomid from Mexico for fertility.
• She ebegs again cause she "wants something." She won't say what and states her husband won't give her the money for it. This is during the mexico Clomd thing.
• And the self-diagnosis of the 14 month old daughter for autism begins:
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• She decided to open up a website shop called Dakota Dreams which sadly is lost to DFE.
• She supposedly would wear bracelets against circumsicion and put bumper stickers on all their cars.

Spoiler: 2006

• For the triplets she wanted their birth to not even have a midwife at it and wanted a midwife willing to assist her by NOT SHOWING UP to the birth:
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• More of her placenta ideas:
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• When triplets were confirmed she realzied she needed a midwife not UC/UP.
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• It appears by this time she WAS being called out on her ebegging enough to make it mentionable:
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• On naming the triplets:
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• Birth plan:
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  • Examples given to her

Spoiler: Example 1

Dear Dr.

I have chosen you, our medical advisor, and you, our birthing facility staff, as the people I want to attend me when my babies are born. I have chosen the HypnoBirthing method of quiet, relaxed, natural birth. From all of our prior discussions, I truly believe that you will do your utmost to help me attain my wish for a joyous, memorable and most satisfying natural birth possible.

The information that follows is a copy of my birth preferences. I have given careful consideration to each specific request in the plan, and I feel that it represents my wishes at this time. I realize that as labor ensues, I may choose to change my thinking and wish to feel free to do so. I understand that these choices presume a normal pregnancy and birth. Should a situation arise that constitutes a medical emergency, please know that you will have my complete cooperation after I have had an opportunity for an explanation of the medical need and have had sufficient time to discuss the decision with my birthing companion. I wish to have clear explanations of all suggested procedures, of the progress of labor is it is assessed, and of any possible special circumstances if they occur. In the absence of special circumstances, I ask that the following requests be honored.

Please attach this to my prenatal record and make it available to all physicians/staff who may be attending the birth should you not be attending us.

Your support and understanding are very much appreciated.

Birthing Preferences

For Hospital Admission

• I request:
  • The patience and understanding of caregivers to support my wish to refrain from having any practice or procedures that, in the absence of a medical emergency, could unnecessarily stand in the way of my having the most natural birth possible.
  • The opportunity to discuss my birth preferences with my assigned nurse
  • To self-hydrate and decline routine IV prep upon admission.
  • Natural means of inducement, moving to minimum doses of artificial induction only if medically urgent.
  • To have an LDR room with a shower, subdued lighting, music and quiet tones.
  • To have only intermittent monitoring of FHR after the mandatory twenty-minute strip at admission.
  • To have the following persons present during my labor:
    • Doula
    • Sister
    • Parents
  • To have the following persons present during birthing:
    • Doula
    • Sister or mother
  • To have no telephone calls relayed – only messages
  • To respectfully decline to participate in the taking of pain scale information.

During First-Stage Labor

• I request:
  • The patience and understanding of caregivers to support my wish to refrain from having any practice or procedures that, in the absence of a medical emergency, could unnecessarily stand in the way of my having the most natural birth possible.
  • To have only necessary hospital staff.
  • That staff refrain from references to “pain, hurt, etc…” and any offer of medication or labor-enhancing procedures unless requested.
  • To be free of blood-pressure cuff between readings.
  • Manual intermittent monitoring after pattern is established.
  • Internal monitoring only in the event of medical urgency.
  • Nutritional snacking if labor is prolonged.
  • Freedom to walk and move during labor.
  • To change positions and assume labor positions of choice.
  • Minimal number of vaginal exams – with permission – to avoid premature rupture of membranes.
  • That labor be allowed to take its natural course without references to “moving things along” or “augmenting labor”.
  • To use natural oxytocin stimulation in the event of a slow or resting labor, and to be accorded the privacy to do so.
  • To be fully apprised and consulted before the introduction of any medical procedure – augmentation, amniotomy, membrane stripping, etc…
  • To enjoy the shower.
  • To forego epidural if both babies are head-down.
  • If special circumstances arise warranting epidural, to delay the insertion of the epidural catheter as long as possible and to keep the catheter un-medicated until necessary.

During and Following Birthing

• I request:
  • The patience and understanding of caregivers to support my wish to refrain from having any practice or procedures that, in the absence of a medical emergency, could unnecessarily stand in the way of my having the most natural birth possible.
  • To birth in the LDR room absent a medical necessity requiring a transfer to the OR.
  • If transfer to the OR becomes necessary, to have an LDR bed available in the OR if at all possible.
  • That natural expulsive pulsations of the body be allowed to facilitate the gentle descent of the baby, with mother-directed Birth Breathing to crowning. Birth companion will offer prompts. No coaching.
  • Use of HypnoBirthing breathing techniques – not other methods.
  • To assume birthing position of choice that will least likely require an episiotomy.
  • Episiotomy only if necessary, and only after discussion.
  • That I or my birth companion receive the babies if at all possible.
  • Cords to be clamped and cut only after pulsation has ceased.
  • To be allowed the opportunity to immediately breastfeed Baby A upon his birth, while delivering Baby B.
  • To be allowed the opportunity to immediately breastfeed Baby B upon her birth to assist placenta delivery.
  • A wait for natural placenta delivery.
  • No cord traction, manual removal or use of pitocin for removal of placenta unless necessary.
  • That companion be allowed to remain with mom in the operating and recovery room in the event of a C-section.
  • That companion hold the babies after c-section birth and bring baby to mom for viewing and eye contact. In absence of urgency, companion continues to hold the babies.

For Babies

• I request:
  • Babies to remain with mother and birth companion after delivery
  • Delay use of ointment in baby’s eyes to allow optimal sight for bonding.
  • Do not circumcise baby boy.
  • Do not administer vitamin K absent a medical necessity. If vitamin K becomes necessary, discuss with myself and/ or birth companion first, then oral vitamin K to be used rather than an injection if available.
  • That babies stay with mother during recovery and throughout the hospital stay.
  • Breastfeeding several times during the first few hours of babies’ lives.
  • Breastfeeding only. No bottles, formula, pacifier or artificial nipples.
  • If babies are delivered premature and a feeding tube is required, that babies only be given mother’s breast milk.
  • If one or both babies require placement in the NICU, to keep both babies together and in one isolette/ crib if possible.
  • To be fully apprised and consulted before administering any medicine or tests to either baby.

I thank you in advance for your support and kind attention to my choices. I know you join me in looking forward to a beautiful birth and celebration of these new lives.

Spoiler: Example 2

Goal: Healthy mother & baby

It is our goal to have a natural, vaginal delivery without the use of medication for labor induction or pain management. If complications or medical emergencies occur, we understand that this plan may have to be diverted from to protect the health of baby and mother. We would like for all procedures to be discussed with us prior to being performed, including why it is necessary, risks, benefits, and what alternatives are available.

Labor & Delivery Preferences:

• Do not induce labor
• Do not rupture membranes
• Do Not offer meds – we are aware that they are available
• •Intermittent External fetal monitoring only
• No IV or heplock
• Freedom to eat and drink as needed
• Freedom to use shower/tub as needed
• •Freedom to use any position to deliver
• Touch baby’s head as it crowns
• Prefer tearing – do Not perform an episiotomy

Post Birth:

• Wait for umbilical cord to stop pulsating before it is clamped and cut
• Place the baby on mother’s belly immediately after birth, unless baby is in distress
• Perform all newborn procedures while the baby is on mother
• Wait two hours prior to giving eye ointment
• Deliver the placenta without use of Pitocin
• We would like to be released from the hospital as soon as possible.

Baby Care:

• Baby is to be breastfed only – do Not offer our baby artificial nipples at any point
• 24-hour rooming-in with our baby.

In the event of a C-Section:

• Prefer to avoid general anesthesia
• Use multi-layered suturing
• Companion is to stay with Lauri during procedure
• Allow Lauri to have at least one unrestrained hand to touch the baby
• Baby is to stay with companion while Lauri is being attended to

• Nothing like getting meds in mexico and/or sent from random people online:
  • From the Mayo Clinic:
    • "Domperidone is a medicine that increases the movements or contractions of the stomach and bowel. Domperidone is also used to treat nausea and vomiting caused by other drugs used to treat Parkinson's Disease. Domperidone is to be given only by or under the immediate supervision of your doctor."
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This medication she is speaking of is illegal in the US.

"Domperidone is not currently a legally marketed human drug and it is not approved for sale in the U.S. On June 7, 2004, FDA issued a public warning that distributing any domperidone-containing products is illegal. FDA also issued an Import Alert instructing FDA field personnel to detain shipments of finished drug products and bulk ingredients containing domperidone, and refuse admission into the US. FDA took this action because of the concern about the potential serious health risks associated with the use of domperidone by lactating women to enhance breast milk production.

The serious risks associated with domperidone include cardiac arrhythmias, cardiac arrest, and sudden death. These risks are related to the blood level of domperidone, and higher levels in the blood are associated with higher risks of these events. Concurrent use of certain commonly used drugs, such as erythromycin, could raise blood levels of domperidone and further increase the risk of serious adverse cardiac outcomes."

But what do doctors know when your on Mothering Forum and can go buy a medicine in Mexico.

Spoiler: 2007

• She was told to brew Kombucha for her children since she couldn't breastfeed 4 at once.
• She never put up the birth story of the triplets as far as I can see and it is known that at 3 months they had RSV from other posters.
• At about 5 months she suddenly needed a Dr. for the daughter that ended up being SERIOUSLY disabled:
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• A month later supposedly there was PT involved and they needed to fund their own arm splints for her:
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• There 6 month old daughter was on vallium for some reason (this is prior to seizure activity):
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  • She also states during this thread the daughter is blind.
• She does not want to put her daughter on the prescirbed seizure meds when its confirmed the daughter is having infantile spasms:
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• This appears to be when she decided to do photography and she begged for parents to bring their infants up to 6 months to her and picture home-births.
• She also did an asspat post about why oh why did i take my baby home isntead of getting her treated and now shes all disabled (It was discussed by people once she started the Coy shit that she purposely would not get RSV treated in Lily):
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• And shes tired of her pets and moving again:
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• And back to the Autism (Her daughter is 3):
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• She really isn't meant to have a bunch of kids bet shes kicking herself for taking mexican fertility drugs.
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• And shes on the move again (Kids are Dakota 3 and Triplets about 10 to 11 months at this point)
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Spoiler: 2008

• More Autism fun:
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• Of course shes an un-schooler:
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• She taped the 20 minute birth of the triplets and wanted to sell videos for $40:
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• From the mother's own posts about not being in any stopping of behaviors and having "consensual living" shes probly just a brat and the doc knows it (Normally wouldn't question it but its odd that shes somehow found a disability or abnomrality in all 4 of her children to showcase):
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• Her hypoxia addled daughter was having pulse oxys below 85 and setting off alarms SO lets go to the forum and talk about it!
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• Brain Damaged daughter has escalating siezures best bet is find a chiro!
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• Munchie Mother doctor shops to get someone to do a full spinal mri on a 4 year old for a birthmark (she had to go to new york from texas to do it). She didn't get results she wanted but its okay Mathis forgets quickly about her newest freakout for asspats by EBEGGING!:
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• Now she has EDS and thinks her daughter does to:
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• Just think of the tax payers money she got to use for this since all their behaviors and even her daughters disability are her fault:
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• And PT has dropped her daughter because the mother refused to do the therapies required (They wanted her in a stander etc and the mother wouldn't agree to it so they dropped her since the mother was refusing therapy). Wouldn't most parents want to see their child gain what little indepdence they could? It is healthier to be in a stander especially since their daughter already is having issues with breathing:
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Spoiler: 2009

She began to disappear at this point seemingly to not get the asspats she wanted anymore since people were very onto her stories and ebegging by now:

• Lily and confirmation she homebirthed the triplets.
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• She wants to breastfeed Lily now:
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Spoiler: 2010

• And on to baby 5:
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• After posting the birth story later she disappeared off the forums completely.

It seems that she used to run an infant photography business which was DFE'd at the same time. Cannot post some of the images since the ones she pinned were of nude infants. Here is their promo video though:

The twitter still exists and was being used up until 2013. It appears multiple pictures on it were reported for being nudity of children and adults and she found offense to them removing nude infant photos from her twitter.

Birth Story​

She of course is a homebirther because what woo isn't. BTW this child she homebirthed and oddly enough the severe disability didnt show up until around the time another homebirther noticed their child was disabled. Must be a theme.

The homebirth water birth video is now deleted but it involved EMS having to be called:

The entire caringbridge page for her daughter Lily which involved said video and story has been shit down to require permission from her to view it.

But of course this story begins even BEFORE the birth where she was obtaining medication from Mexico called Clomid since she was unable to reproduce naturally.

Prior to her belief that Coy was transgender she had already gotten all of her children Autism diagnosises or at the very least was saying all but him with autistic. This can be seen in a now deleted interview by Lisa Work a woman who has rebranded her entire self multiple times.

It appears that the most likely cause of Lily's issue was untreated RSV as per a news consultatnt for CNN.

There used to be a website with a good deep dive into her and they brought up multiple inconcistences in her story about her disabled daugther.

She is also known to be quote an ebegger who used both news outlets and indiegogo to ask for and gain money:

There is nothing creepy at all about indiegogo goals involving coming to see your daughter or the fact 22 people paid $500 to come see her disablded daughter:

In regards to Coy:

GLAAD of course has not removed this interview even though Coy and her family have disappeared:
https://www.glaad.org/coymathis

And here is the petition against the school:

Spoiler: An Interview with Kathryn Mathis

This week, I am talking to Kathryn Mathis, of Sweet Feet Photography. I asked Kathryn for an interview because I think she is a pretty remarkable mom, which I think you will see as she shares about her family and her dreams.

Welcome Kathryn! First off, why don’t you tell us a little about you and your family.​

I am a mom of 4 amazing, wonderful, awesome children (and one on the way!). Dakota is 5 1/2 years old and has Autism. Coy, Max, and Lily are 3 1/2 year old triplets. Coy is our special little neuro-typical child. Max is also on the Autism spectrum. Lily had a very bad brain injury as a 4 month old and is about like having a 1-2 month old baby, but is so much fun (and feisty!). I work full time at home as Lily’s nurse as well as being a professional photographer outside the home. My husband, Jeremy, is a full time student at two colleges and should be done with school in Spring 2012.

I am amazed by how you juggle being a mom to FOUR kids, running your business, taking care of a special needs child, and having 3 three year olds. How do you do it all?​

I’m not sure sometimes! It can get very overwhelming at times and certain things continuously get neglected (ie; our laundry never gets put away) to make time for other things, but I’m slowly finding a balance.

I also know that you don’t really get to “do it all” – how could you? So, what things do you let yourself neglect to make sure you are spending time expressing yourself as an artist?​

I would say the house gets neglected the most. I envy organized and clean spaces. I’ve managed to keep our house clean, for the most part, but there’s always dishes and laundry to be done, toys to be picked up, floors to be mopped. It’s tragic how little my floor gets mopped.

What would you say your big dream is?​

To be successful and happy with where I’m at. I have big business aspirations that I will be overjoyed when I eventually get them all done, no matter how long it takes. My big big dream is to become known as THE newborn photographer to go to. To have people fly from other states for me or fly me to them, because they love my work that much.
http://web.archive.org/web/20170214044756/http://visionarymom.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/1.jpg

What did you want to be when you grew up? How does your real life today compare?​

Interestingly enough, I wanted to be a Neonatologist that specialized in special needs babies. While I’m not a Dr, I did end up in the health care field and work 24/7 with my special needs kiddos. I also dedicate part of my photography business to volunteer photography of special needs children, infants in the NICU, and terminal (or passed) children.

When you are really in the zone, being productive, being an artist, running your business and doing all the things you want to be doing, what does a typical day look like?​

Lots of tv for the kids, lots of root beer for me, ha! That is typically how the day goes when I have things I need to get accomplished though. My office is set up right next to the kids playroom, so they play and get to watch favorite shows while I work. When I don’t have a ton of things to do and I can pace it out a bit, I’ll work for a few hours during the day, then I’ll generally start back up when the kids have gone to bed.

Do you feel like parts of yourself have been neglected since becoming a mom, or like things have moved to the back burner, so to speak?​

Kind of. Because I have so many children and due to their special needs, I’m not able to go anywhere by myself. That makes it really difficult to get out of the house, ever, since Jeremy has such a demanding school schedule as well. It can get hard being cooped up so much with no possible escape. It can be hard, but I think it will get better as they get older.

What do you wish you had more time for?​

Trying out all the new things I want to do in my business.

How do you squeeze in time for yourself, your art, your passions?​

One day a week is scheduled for me to do something, uninterrupted. Whether it be a photo session, getting my hair done, or something like that, I have the time for me. I don’t always take it, but it’s nice to have there. During each day, I have an hour or so where the kids have to sit quietly and read or draw while I work on what I need to.

How do you tap into your own creativity and passions in those times when you feel tired and worn out from your mama duties?​

That is a very hard question and I can’t say I’ve figured out the answer yet. One of the ways I spark my passion is by looking at what my idols are doing and thinking about how I could get there and what I would have to do.

Do you ever feel guilty for wanting time away from your family? How do you deal with that?​

I do feel guilty sometimes, particularly because I don’t ever get time away from them, except when I’m working or getting a haircut. I know that a relaxed mom is better to them than a strung out one because I’m so stressed. It has been hard getting myself to believe that though.

What would you say is the single most important thing that helps you balance who you are as a mom and who you are as an artist?​

Online support of other photographer friends/moms has been essential for me. We bounce ideas off each other and help each other stay focused and challenged.

What gives you hope and inspiration?​

My kids. They have inspired a lot of my ideas and designs.

What do you see for yourself in this next year with regards to your business and being a mom?​

This next year should be very interesting for both my business and me! Our new baby is due in June, so I think the couple months afterward might be a bit slow, but I have lots of aspirations for the months leading up to that and then into 2011. My goal in the next few years is to become only a newborn photographer. I absolutely adore working with newborns, there is just so much amazing art you can create. I know for the mom part of it, I will eventually break down and ask for outside help. That is going to be hard for me, because it’s just not ME.

What are your biggest hopes and dreams for your family?​

Really, just everyone being happy, no matter what they do.

How does your making art help make those dreams come true?​

I think it definitely shows our kids that you can do what you want if you put your mind to it, that you can have a job in what you love, and that you don’t have to sacrifice joy to have a career. It’s also important to me to show our girls that women can do more than stay at home, if that’s what they want. There are no limits to what they can do.

Thanks so much, Kathryn, for taking the time to talk to us. The thing I am loving about what you have to say is that no matter what our dreams are, no matter what our circumstances, make the time for your own dreams – it is so worth it!​

Kathryn Mathis is the owner/photographer of Sweet Feet Photography. Get unique, relaxed, and beautiful portraits of your family and have a great experience while doing it. Sweet Feet Photography works hard to make your memories matter!

Spoiler: Few Videos that Exist from Father's Youtube

Continue to Deep Dive of Coy's Documentary

 

[GenociderSyo]

Had to tackle the documentary in its own post since hit the word limit when trying to bring in the mothering forum deep dive.

Not long after the documentary came out and the backlash it caused she completely disappeared off the internet. She obviously in the documentary was pushing and agenda that was being further bolstered by the Trans community itself.

​

Spoiler: Documentary Deep Dive

The documentary itself is narrated by Michael Silverman of the Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund that was the CEO of this company doing all the work for the family. He discusses before the documentary even begins that he warned her that this becoming public could blow up in her and her family's face.

When first interviewed the family the father is wary to be a part of it and places it on the mother this later becomes clear that you must parrot what the mother wants when things start to break down later in the documentary.

Coy is a 6 year old who has been a year now using the girls bathroom instead of the boys since his mother made a big deal to the school that he was transgender. A year later the school rescinds there decision and this is why the documentary exists. One reason Coy may be wanting to use that bathroom is it is shown that the mother reads him stories stating that boys can use the girl's bathroom if they are a girl. The mother is the one enraged by this decision on the schools part because sending a transgender girl to the boy's bathroom will lead to them being killed. She tells her son these things at six years old that transgender people die if they go to certain bathrooms.

The parents got married when she was 17 and he 21, supposedly the children had been born before they got married so she had children young. They decided when Coy was 18 months old that he decided he was a girl because he liked pink things and dresses. The mother states she grew up as a christian scientist and was told to be against doctors and medical advice.

According to them in this photo you can tell shes unhappy about being in boys clothes:

Supposedly at 5 years old he asked when they would take him to the doctor to cut his penis off. Now a five year old would not really know the differences downstairs unless told and shown them, so to ask this he was either prompted, it's a lie, or he was being taught some pretty explicit things at five years old.

They found a gender therapist (Tara Eastcott, Psy D) LGBTQ Colorado Listing at 5 years old to start him transitioning due to him getting upset when told to join the boys line at school. When the therapist asks her questions she just ignores it and plays the therapist tells the mother well its just because shes uncomfortable, though she shows no lack of comfort she just shows boredom.

Coy : "I wish I was a girl who could turn into a bird." It's obvious she believes being a girl is required to do this and that seems to be a taught behavior.

One of the parents in the "support group" has a son who wants to be non-binary supposedly at about 7. She spends the bit crying because he doesn't like the name she gave him and wants a new girl name. She is more upset that she spent a long time choosing a name then anything.

They wanted to do this bathroom ruling to set a precedent under THEIR child's name. The school had decided as well as the district lawyers that Coy could not use the girl's bathroom but he was welcome to use the GENDER NEUTRAL bathroom that already existed or the boys room or the single use staff restrooms. They just wished their son to use girl's bathroom and not the one that already existed under ADA for gender neutral/transgender children. In response Mathis pulled ALL her children from the school and got the LGBT lawyer discussed earlier. One of their arguments was that though Mathis took the kids out voluntarily on her own that they were excluding Coy from the school due to not letting him use the girl's room. The school stated that it was untenable to keep him using the girls room as he grew older it would make other students and their parents uncomfortable to have a boy there.

It appears in a letter from the staff that the district wanted the child using the gender neutral bathrooms, but the school was going against this to possible please the parents and they got caught:

The mother states that she pulled the kids after this letter, but its clear earlier she has already pulled them from the school via what the LGBT guy said. So now they would be homeschooling and developing their OWN curriculum for them.

The LGBT guy in conjunction with the mother has decided that they are making a public announcement about them following a civil rights complaint to Colorado. The father is not home often during day because he is in college to be a media relations person and interning. He warns them that they need to be prepared psychologically for this since it will become national news and that their neighbors, etc. may have issues with them afterwards. The father is worried about vilance but LGBT dude is like we have to educate the public because of the widespread misinformation about trans people. Once again its confirmed the mother is the driving force behind this.

Colorado Gold Rush the Gender Identity Center of Colorado is LGBT dudes next stop to talk to a not very passing trans woman about the bathroom thing hes doing with the 6 year old.

The Older Transgender tells a story about security telling her to leave the lady's bathroom and then her "telling" them about the law and them apologizing.

The grandmother seems logically enough to realize their choices could hurt Coy.

The LGBT dude decided that the way to do a case with a 6 year old bathroom was to break the case on the steps of the state capital building with the mothers blessing.

This is a conversation the mother has with Coy about "breaking the news":
Mother : "We are going to talk to a TV show about what the school is doing remember?"
Coy : "Why?"
Mother : "So that people know that what the school is doing isn't right. And maybe the school will change their mind if they know that a bunch of people know that what they are doing is wrong. "

And another:
Mother : "If someone comes up to you and asks are you a boy or a girl what do you say?"
Coy : <Shrugs>
Mother : "You just don't know? What are you?"
Coy : "Girl."
Mother : "Well, so why wouldn't you say, I'm a girl."
Coy : "I don't know. I just don't know about anything."
Mother : "You're so dramatic."

When the mother is asked during the public statement at the capital if she thinks shes going to make things worse for Coy by publicizing she says no that if there's temporary negative things maybe but that people will know it wasn't their fault and that they weren't the reason it went public.

The LGBT dude finds out shes reaching out to media without permission and giving out emails and stuff for private conversations and he tells her to stop that they need to assess the outlets this is going to. He also stated that this keeps them less safe if they are giving their private information all over since they are already receiving hate mail and he wanted to keep the hate mail going to him instead of the family. But Mathis lady just wanted it all to be her not the LGBT dude funding this.

When interviewers come they are told that Coy likes to talk about kid things and not the gender stuff which is more proof this is being shoved onto her by the parents.

The TLDEF then used Coy with the mother's consent as their spokesperson and scapegoat and media image.

They won a trip to comic-con out of all this for some reason. It is interesting to note that she does not dress like a girl to go there. Up until now the mother was spinning a tale that she refused to leave the home without a dress and pink on and that she refused to wear pants.

Couric : "It's weird to see yourself on television do you like it?"
Coy : "Not so much."
Couric : "You're not going to school anymore, sweetie, with your schoolmates do you miss your friends at school?"
Mother doesn't let her talk and goes straight to the they are setting her up to be harassed and bullied by having her use the gender-neutral bathroom and not the girls room. She says this as she is making this entire thing national so EVERYONE knows about her son and his issue now.

News comments about it:
"I'm the mother of an eight year old I do not want my eight year old to go to a girls bathroom at school and see a penis."

They had gone international with this story without the schools knowledge and the school made a media statement that the actions of the Mathis's were unreasonable. They stated that they had bypassed going through any civil rights channels and decided to make this a publicized event. The civil rights jurisdiction as well was against their decision to go to the press stating that it is unhelpful to cases and that it complicates things. He also stated that the Mathis's went against the integrity of the civil rights process. The school stated that they would not be a part of a public event about this issue and refused all interviews.

One of the news outlets stated
"The family decided this since when they state he started transitioning it was before Coy could even speak, read, write, or know anything about gender sex and sexuality. God knows what he will face in years to come all because his parents, who are now devouring media interviews like a starving glutton, have a fetish."

The husband is starting to get annoyed at whats beginning to happen. The mother has reporters waiting for and interview she now does not want to do because on their Facebook they had a poll for viewers to vote on their opinion of the matter. This poll to the mother meant the reporters were "dicks." This is due in part to her ignoring the fact that the LGBT dude wanted to vet people before interviews and her own obsession about being on TV. Coy refused to do the interview stating she was done doing interviews. Her mother made her do it so she refused to answer any questions.

Coy does answer one question when asked what she would say to friends about now being a girl instead of a boy she flat out states that he never had that conversation and turns to his mom to ask her if she remembers if hes supposed to have had that conversation. The mother states shes misremembering and it did happen.

There was also this interesting quote from Coy which shows just how she herself doesn't understand this all:

Coy is getting tired of all the shit and starting to act up. It becomes more obvious as things go on that the mother is orchestrating this all and making her do the interviews and such and that she has no interest in being a part of it.

Conversation about it:
Coy : "I don't want to do this anymore."
Mother : "Do you realize how important this is? Why are we doing this? Coy, listen...Do you need to take a nap?"
Coy : "No."
Mother : "I'm done with you come downstairs. I don't have time for this crap." She then picks up Coy and forces her to join them downstairs.

During the next scene she forces her to put the mic on and during it her skirt goes up she tells him to "Cover up his stuff." She is finally bribed with ice cream. And then the mother kicks the reporter out stating Coy doesn't want to do it now.

They type of comments the parents got were that they were child abusers and that the mother wanted to create a "Tranny CP Kid".

The LGBT fund states that the ultimate decision of releasing all this information on Coy was in the parents (Mother's) ultimate decision and that they had no idea it would cause additional harm to her.

The therapist discusses that the parents had taken away from her something that many trans people do called "going stealth" which allows them to transition seamlessly without anyone knowing who they were before. The therapist states that they should have enrolled her in a school that didn't know her as a girl so they would know nothing different so that she could live as a girl deceitfully.

The 6 year old brother's comment on this is:
"Robots feel weird when they see a girl or a boy change their gender or when they change their self."

Because the mother won't send her kids to school shes moving to a new town under then pretense that the kids aren't being allowed in school where she is which is false since she removed them cause she was angry. It is obvious this was a last minute decision in how they are just packing the day the uhaul arrives. The mother plans to keep fighting the school that shes no longer in the district of because SHE wants to set a precedent.

The husband is the only one seriously attempting to better himself by working and educating himself and the wife is resentful of him for this. She's also annoyed at having to spend so much time with her kids.

The mother has them lying and stating Coy is a girl in all areas thinking no one will find out.

A year now has passed and they are still at it and the mother gets upset if things aren't about Coy only, she doesn't care how this order would affect other people it's only will it be my image on it and my son's name attached. She wishes to destroy her sons privacy for her fame.

The mother controls what the father should say in interviews and gets upset if her orders are not followed. She states that because her husband was going to school and doing a job while she was doing all this that it wasn't important to him.

The Father ends up moving out because of how the mother is being. She made him call up the LGBT Dude to let him know about it cause she pulls every string.

The findings over the fight from the civil rights union was that yes Coy was discriminated against, but because of the families actions and timelines nothing could be done.

The LGBT dude states this ruling means that they won for all locales including restaurants, etc. They of course force the kid back front and center and the face says it all:

Once they won they dropped out of the media and DFE'd everything on the internet pretty much. Oh and the mother is planning to become a pediatric nurse now. According to the documentary she had stopped her education after High School.

Un-Schooling

Her belief on un-schooling should add more to this since it proves how against schooling she is. She probably never wanted these kids in school but could not deal with four kids at once. If she gets the school in trouble she then supports her personal belief in un-schooling even more.

The Civil Rights Ruling​

A PDF of the ruling is attached.

It's a long read but worth it it points out things the mother did not represent or flat out lied about.

Spoiler: Long Bullet Point Breakdown of Ruling

• Kindergarten had no girls/boys room, it was a unisex stall in the classroom, so the entire basis of the case was a lie.
• The complaint was published on the 59th day of a 60 day window.
• For some reason it feels like the judge was not impartial. There is no reason to start the response naming the gender orientation of every person in it:
  • 
• Parents state that Coy non-verbally expressed being transgender at 18 months by playing with girl toys and choosing to wear feminine clothing.
• The parents state that she refuses to leave the house unless dressed as a girl (This was proven false in the documentary.)
• Mathis requested the school bring on Trans Youth Family Allies, but the school did not.
• There was no big reveal like the parents make it seem it was just Coy is a girl with a small workbook and class explaining how people can be different.
• It appears that though they were supposed to be using the kindergarten bathroom that Coy was instead using the girl's bathroom for the older students at his mother's request. This was done without the school's official knowledge.
• The school sought legal advice since though no decision had been made Coy was using the girl's room. The district attorney reviewed the guidance about the issue and decided that it was not permissible for Coy to use the girl's room.
• The first graders used the restroom in pairs and Coy would always choose a girl to go with.
• Mathis immediately removed Coy and family from the school when told the district had stated he had to use the boy's room or a gender-neutral bathroom. It is stated in this ruling that this proves that the SCHOOL was unwilling to review its decision when it is clear the mother did not even allow this to happen.
• Mathis had medical documents made to state Coy was female and used this as proof that the School was discriminating.
  • 
• The LGBT Legal Fund stated that since intersex infants cannot have sex determined via outward genitalia then no infant can.
  • 
• The LGBT Legal Fund states that if Coy used the boy's room he'd be bullied and that if he uses the girl's room he will not. Though the District fought that there is no proof on this manner it was taken as fact.
• The LGBT Legal Fund states that Coy is the only one who's feelings matter in this situation and the fact that other students and their parents will be uncomfortable holds no baring.
• The LGBT Legal Fund fights that though the birth certificate states male the parents ability to get a passport in another state stating female means shes already transitioned legally, medically and socially to a female.
  • 
• The LGBT Legal Fund states that unless they check the physical gentialia of every student to make sure they are using the correct restroom they cannot make a basis on this one child. They also beleive that physical genitalia does not denote sex.
  • 
  • 
• The LGBT Legal fund also states that by not using the girl's rooms she does not get to socially bond with other female students. They also state that is was refusing her the ability of the most essential human function (going potty).
  • 
  • 
• It is stated that the school refused to mediate with Mathis when it is also clearly stated earlier that she IMMEDIATELY removed her children from the school before any discussion could occur.

Some media responses to the documentary:

Current standing of the ruling:
States are beginning to pass laws that places that allow what was ruled here must have a stated policy on a red sign outside the bathroom:
"The red signs will say "NOTICE," as well as the following in bolded black-on-white text: "This facility maintains a policy of allowing the use of restrooms by either biological sex, regardless of the designation on the restroom."

This also came out around the same time as the documentary: