Movies so bad, they're horrible. -

[Connor Bible]

Sure, there are bad movies. There are bad movies that are just "normal bad", and they're mostly forgettable. There are "so-bad-they're-good" films like the work of Ed Wood and The Room, which manage to be entertaining in spite of, or perhaps because of their flaws. There are guilty pleasures so bad that they appeal to some deeply buried part of our psyche that gains perverse satisfaction from it.

These are NOT those films.

These are films so fundamentally broken, so haphazardly constructed, so dreadfully thought out that nothing could save it, not even a snippet that gets millions of views on YouTube. They fail to appeal on any conceivable level, even as guilty pleasures. They are simply abysmal.

Open up. Tell of the horrors that you have seen!

 

[cypocraphy]

"Lady In The Water" for me.

 

[BatNapalm]

Zombie 5: Killing Birds
Zombie Nation
My Soul to Take
Ballistic: Ecks VS Sever

I also thought Paranormal Activity was a bag of balls but it is really popular with kiddies who had never seen a horror movie before and are terrified of doors moving slightly and people laying in bed.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I saw a film a while back called Recon 2023: The Gauda Prime Conspiracy that was so all over the place that I couldn't even give you a good summery of what it was about. My guess is some guys got together wanting to make a movie, but couldn't decide between and alien warfare movie, a cyberpunk movie, and a porno.

 

[Mourning Dove]

Whenever Birdemic isn't boring me out of my mind, it makes me facepalm to the extreme.

 

[Judge Holden]

The works of Uwe Boll:

All are painfully bad to the point of pure unwatchability without any of the "charm" you find in movies made by directors who for all their ineptness had some degree of passion (or which featured actors who had some degree of passion), and got progressively worse as boll literally tried to spit in the face of people watching his shit

As I said in the "Least favourite movie" thread

Loathsome movies for the same reasons listed above, loathsome desecration and despoiling the image of historic game franchises simply to make a buck through german film laws, and an utterly Loathsome and pathetic specimen of humanity who deserves nothing but contempt and disgust. There is literally nothing positive I can say about him or his work, and everything negative.

The Works of Zelzter/Fryberg

needs not to be said

The works of the Asylum

When your actively trying to make a movie a shit as possible it loses all "so bad its good charm" and becomes pure unwatchable crap.

Monster a go go


The uncompleted half of what was already one of the shitter films of it's era, made exponentially worse as it was rushed to cheap drive-ins with some hastily filmed scenes to "fill in" the billion or so plotholes

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny

As I watched this film (before rifftrax did their version) I was subject to a frankly nauseating assault on my senses and sanity I had not felt since I was 10 years old and watching the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre for the first time. Honestly I suspect this film might be the work of some unspeakable demonic entity who designed it to spread madness and despair through the world.

Children Of The Living Dead

The worst zombie movie EVER. and yes that includes Uwe boll's shit. Its effects, acting, dialogue, story, cinematography....literally fucking evrything are leagues bellow birdemic level shite. Theres a damn good reason the screenwriter issued a heartfelt apology for this movies existance.

Worse yet its concept was responsible for the despicable Night of the living dead 30th anniversary edition which frankly violated the original classic with "super kewl and scary" new music, effects, and newly filmed scenes which manage to drag one of the finest movies ever made below the level of ZaAt.

All highlander movies after highlander 2

Honestly, I enjoyed Highlander 2 but after that, the movies became utterly loathesome and unentertaining in every way, culminating in "the source" which.......yeah it was on the level of Children of the living dead.

On the subject of Sean Connery....

Sir Billi

Words....cannot describe...only trailer

[youtube]a20oRLJ4v4s[/youtube]

why connery....WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

The Hottie and the Nottie

Just watch the fucking thing

 

[Pikonic]

Batman and Robin.
Not even Rifftrax could make me finish it.

 

[BatNapalm]

Batman and Robin.
Not even Rifftrax could make me finish it.

I saw that in theaters as a kid. And no, I didn't like it. Nobody did.

On the subject of the Asylum. The only movie of theirs I remember seeing was Atlantic Rim and man that was full of cringe. I get that these things and SyFy channel movies only have a budget of about one million dollars (though I've seen infinitely better films made with so much less), but why is that an excuse not to put a single iota of thought in the scripts?

 

[_blank_]

Oooohhhhh seen too many horrible movies to recall them all...

..instead I will expose you all to possibly one of the most infuriating movies I've seen recently: Delta Force Commando.

[youtube]MjZagm-fUng[/youtube]

Yes. They stole TWO excellent action movie titles and crammed them into one. It's like a cornucopia of 80s B-list action stars (and the original Shaft), told to act while being paid in warm beer and cheap hookers. The trailer above pretty much covers most of the highlights, except the ending, which literally felt like they were running out of film to record on and just slapped it together in the last two minutes.

 

[Something Vague]

American Rabbit... no, seriously, it isn't even funny.

 

[A-Stump]

 

[caffeinated_wench]

http://i.ebayimg.com/t/Spiders-Web-A-Pigs-Tale-2006-Animation-Movie-DVD-/00/s/MTYwMFgxMjEz/z/Ev8AAOxyxSNRmg0k/$T2eC16FHJGoFFvohSJ5!BRmg0jeuP!~~60_35.JPG

Good lord. Even the CGI on the cover is horrible-looking. Usually those look far more impressive.

Okay, how about... The Garbage Pail Kids Movie.
And I made a thread on the animated Titanic films, but those could also fall under being hilariously bad. It all depends on the person.

 

[Francis E. Dec Esc.]

Monster a Go Go is one of the few MST3K episodes I find unwatchable. The movie is just so bad even Joel and the Bots can't salvage it.

 

[caffeinated_wench]

Although it's TECHNICALLY a game, the movie that came with Animal World Soccer is really fucking terrible.

[youtube]LBdvkjK92-Y[/youtube]
If you want something that isn't an hour and a half long but will make your eyes bleed, look no further.


EDIT: Anything by Phoenix Games and Dingo Pictures, really.

 

[A-Stump]

Although it's TECHNICALLY a game, the movie that came with Animal World Soccer is really fucking terrible.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBdvkjK92-Y
If you want something that isn't an hour and a half long but will make your eyes bleed, look no further.


EDIT: Anything by Phoenix Games and Dingo Pictures, really.

WAT

 

[caffeinated_wench]

Although it's TECHNICALLY a game, the movie that came with Animal World Soccer is really fucking terrible.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBdvkjK92-Y
If you want something that isn't an hour and a half long but will make your eyes bleed, look no further.


EDIT: Anything by Phoenix Games and Dingo Pictures, really.

WAT

Exactly.

Those are just the tip of the iceberg.
Oh yes. It gets worse.

Also, The Last Airbender. (Again, this can be funny, but only in the right mindset and depending on whether or not you're watching it with someone.)

 

[Picklepower]

Freidburg Seltzer movies (I don't even need to explain, I know that's a cliché thing to say, but its true)
The Doom Generation (pretentious, un interesting characters, feels like the poor mans Natural Born Killers)
Duck: the carbine high massacre (an unfunny Columbine comedy, that pretends to be a satire of the exploitive media, WHILE BIENG EXPLOITIVE ITSELF. And its shot on shitteo)
Zeitgeist (bad conspiracy doc)
What the bleep do we know? (bad new agey doc/ad for a cult)
Bamboozled (A Spike Lee movie that is like a parody of a Spike Lee movie, I don't have enough space to point out all the flaws)
Charlies Angels Full Throttle (I remember liking the 1st one, the 2nd is un watchable)
8 Crazy Nights (liked it as a kid, as an adult, good godbear)
Superman 3 (I would rather re watch any Superman movie, Man of Steel included, then this, its like a movie made out of pointless deleted scenes)
Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever
American Rabbit (Im not just saying this because its Chris's favorite, but it was really, painfully boring and I couldn't finish it.)

 

[caffeinated_wench]

Freidburg Seltzer movies (I don't even need to explain, I know that's a cliché thing to say, but its true)

Duck: the carbine high massacre (an unfunny Columbine comedy, that pretends to be a satire of the exploitive media, WHILE BIENG EXPLOITIVE ITSELF. And its shot on shitteo)

Oh god, Freidburg and Seltzer... Can those two just stop already? Or at least watch the movies they're trying to parody? Maybe then they'd come up with something clever.

I've actually never heard of Duck. I never thought I'd see "Columbine" and "comedy" in the same description.

 

[José Mourinho]

Skyline.

 

[spaps]

American Rabbit.
American Rabbit.
American Rabbit.
Did I mention American Rabbit?
Because American Rabbit.

die american rabbit