Go cry to someone else lol
I never want to "just check the farms real quick before going to bed" again.

Here goes my recap because my sleep is so unimportant.

00:30 Only thirty seconds in, and watching her armflaps giggle wildly as she pulls up her sleeves had me gasping real hard. My brain has so much oxygen now, I'm ready for what's next.

00:35 oooh she's gonna ask her viewers to give her topics, or questions, or stuff that she could talk about. Guess who's been listening to everyone screaming about how she has no content besides food and lahs and repeatedly throwing this exact idea her way ?

1:20 Apologizes for being Cuntlynn last video. Turns out she was hurt cause people were rude about the video showing her progress. It's been said and will be said again ; funny how no one believes you after you lied for six years. Even if your video proved anything, do you really think people would give you the satisfaction for such little effort ?

2:23 Doesn't taste mushrooms. No shit sherlock, you don't taste shit cause your single tastebud has been junked into oblivion and that's why healthy food doesn't bring that sparkle in your eyes like garbage food does.

2:36 First lipsmack ! Subtle but noticeable nonetheless. I'm tempted to count them throughout the video but I think it's considered self-harm at this point.

3:44 First carrot ASMR (and approx 10 lipsmacks)

4:20 The Laughing Cow cheese in Walmart can be found in the deli isle with, like, the frozen pizzas ? You're gonna tell me you see the pizzas and don't buy them ? :story:

Sanity update : i've given up already on counting the lipsmacks.

4:54 i don't give a shit about freshly, all I can focus on are her beetus fingers. Christ.

5:06 Still buying water bottles ! I sure hope EnvironmentaLynn AT LEAST has separated bins so her trash can be recycled.

6:30 Adressing the "Ass me anything", saying the person who photoshopped it accidentally messed up. No, gorl. They went out of their way to replace the K with an S. Accidentally messing up would be lying about anything and then contradicting yourself, and cover it up with yet another easily debunkable lie (then blame the haydurs, but i'm getting ahead of myself)


7:35 Oh, you're right. The bowling ball thing ? If we know you, that's nothing you'd ever say. You're really not the type to make false accusations of traumatic sexual abuse.

8:25 Now I'm distracted by her neglected nails. I guess gorl's been extra hungry for crunchy stuff.

10:33 YES, D&D ARE MAKING THEIR COMEBACK IN THE AMBERVERSE i mean i hope. Gorl has been letting herself look like a corpse without her one and only love around.

10:55 D&D used to live like an hour and a half away, and now it's just an hour away. Which, when you're Amber's size sitting in a car, is a huge difference. Kinda fantasizing about Becky getting in a car accident cause Amber just couldn't wait to see Dustin. This is what all these lip smacking and tongue sticking are turning me into.

11:43 Her lymphedema becomes hard as a rock, still not her rock bottom though.

Well, well, well, isn't she properly following a list, staying focused, not randomly rambling ? Almost like her ADD act was... an act. And she's obviously not on drugs for it, she would've bragged about it to validate her mentuls collection.

12:21 if you close your eyes and listen carefully, you can hear her skeleton whenever she moves

12:33 Not sure I misunderstood, but she orders Freshly nine times a week ? But there's seven days in a week, and two meals in a day (breakfast excluded and lol @ me who does this math thinking she has a normal eating schedule), so that's a least 14 meals, so what is she eating during these five last meals when it's not freshly ?

13:14 JFC that double tongue-sticking. I can't. I'm r e p u l s e d

It's funny that when she wakes up at night she checks if becks and twinks are still breathing because with her sleep apnea she's the one who needs to be checked.

16:37 Is it me or has she been sniffing/scratching/wiping her nose quite often ? Still sick, honey-boo-boo ? How's that immune system ?

17:10 She wants to dance and now, she has the stamina for it. I'm thrilled. Really. I've been suggesting dancing. I'm gonna loooooove it. Her ankles, knees, hips, spine though ? not so much. Can't wait. :tomgirl:

18:00 Smartlynn realizing after 29 years that eating slowly is better. She has decided to finally behave accordingly to her comments instead of being all smug and doing her own thing. I guess now she'll say mukbangs do help her because she talks to us so she eats sloooooow

20:06 I love how she still puts her dainty beetus hands on her face thinking we don't pay attention to the knuckles.

20:20 This bish really be acting like losing ~50 lbs and still weighing over 500 lbs has made her back problems disappear entirely. She can now try 5 dresses in a row and film it and her back just doesn't hurt anymore guise ! What an amazing progress ! Almost surreal !

22:30 "Comparing yourself to me is silly. That's like comparing Michael Jordans to a one year old toddler" I AM DEAD, watching this entire video was worth this simple moment. Never has she ever spoken truer words. My brain can't even find an english word to describe the satisfaction.

23:17 She's "not the type of person to celebrate other people's victories", she's the type of person who's gonna cry when other people don't celebrate her victories.

24:40 Wait... Becky's still sleeping right now ? Is this video recorded in the morning ? Is THAT her breakfast ? Or is Becky too drugged to wake up before the afternoon ?

Aaaaand my self-inflicted suffering has come to its end.

Hope I saved y'all some brain damage.
Reading the summary still causes severe brain damage because Amber.
Thanks for taking one for the team. 👊

Situation Type Deal Gorl

Fuck your feelings, nancypants
Big Al claims mook-bongs help because they force her to eat more slowly as she blathers on. She still eats very fast and her chewing is both ghastly and aggressive.

Word counts for yet another freshly meal she manages to make look like dog vomit. I know she's reading here because of the way her word choices fluctuate. Big Al, you will never escape - sorry, excape - your limited vocabulary, especially - sorry, expecially - when attempting to tell a story. You've relied on your crutch words and expressions for far too long and they are as much a habit as you lying through that piehole you keep stuffing food in.

As per usual: 1
Literally: 1
Starveeen: 1
Obviously: 2
Other YTers/people: 2
Someone supposedly asks/support message/friends: 2
Freshly: 3 (Finally owning up to what she gets in return for people using her link: 1)
Likes/dislikes/thumbs/negative/positive reactions: 3
Weight loss that she was not going to talk about on YT any longer: 3
OMG!: 4
Really/so good: 6
You guys/as you guys know/you know: 6
Actually: 7
Feeder porn (large bites while staring into the camera, etc.): 8
Rude/my feelings/feel:8
Trust me/I promise/honestly/be real: 8
Really: 9
GrammarLynn: 10
Incredibly horrendous table manners (not her in general poor manners): 10
Ayyynd: 20
Um: 20
So: 41
Like: 58
Foodgasms/lipsmacks/mm-hmm: 112

Turd Fergusson
Um, she used to be a dancer? Right....
Her dancing consists in flaring her arms like a lunatic and giggling her fat at the beat of music. The last time she was at a dancing weight was probably when she was 6. She is as much of as a dancer as she is world-class poet.

She would like to be like Whitney Thore, but that shtick has got old really fast. She is too tall to be in little people, Gina beat her to the post for being an annoying lesbian on 600 lb, “I am Jazz”, nope.

In My 600 lb life I observed, that it seems to take the every day effort to stay under a certain amount of calories to loose any weight at this size. If she fucks up like this a few times she'll be gaining fast. But that's no problem, because it looks like she doesn't intend to loose. And there's no plan behind it to fuck up, anyway. No plan = no failure. A gain-gain situation.

a llama weighs 450lbs

amber's hump #1 fan
she said in this video that it's "sthuper satisfying" when she's watching other people's mookbongs and they actually finish everything they're eating.

(wtf that's not normal wow)

her one and only true love is food, and she's going to die weighing over 500 lbs no matter how much she tries to bullshit the wino soccer moms who think she actually wants to lose weight.


I feel like off of lexapro my vlogs are better.
AOrchestrated that last mukbang to get people angry like shrimpgate so drama would pop off. Her idea flopped and barely any reaction channels or people acknowledged it because I think people are slowly losing interest in her.

All her videos since 2020 has been her sitting at the table or the den with the exception of her showing her weightloss in a skater dress. This is after she tells everyone she's lost 53 lbs and yet we have seen no activity or movement. She even went out with D&D but we got no footage because she most likely ate 3 days worth of her calories on date night.

Also I notice amber really pushes herself when destiny is involved lol. We always hear her talk about how she cant drive to Becky's family or something but will withstand 4+ hours in the car just to spend time with her. Same as when she forced herself to walk in to tjmaxx with D&D and could barely make it.