Musical LOLcows -

CowboyCrocket

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One of those things I like to watch when I want a laugh. Also this video goes into detail about these guys and the night they did their legendary performance.


From what I heard they've gotten a little better and sound more like a band.
 
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Ancani

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kiwifarms.net
I forgot about Varg, definitely a guy who can do no right.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Varg_Vikernes for reference
Honestly, early black metal had a lot of lolcows.

Everyone, just look up a band called Mayhem on Wikipedia and marvel at the sheer batshittery.

Also, I'd argue that Emilie Autumn is an example. I love her music but godDAMN. I'm on my phone right now so I'll have to go into detail later, but fuck.

EDIT: I see she was already mentioned, oops. That said, I still have to give you all a bit more detail on EA, because she's...well, she's fucked up.

One thing she's well-known for is her claim that her family died in a fire. This has been proven to be completely untrue. She also claims to be descended from Alice Liddell (also untrue), and that Emilie Autumn Liddell is her given name (it's not; it's Emily Autumn Fritzges, IIRC). She's flaky as hell regarding projects and her treatment of fans, and her portrayal of mental illness is actually pretty fucking offensive a lot of the time--while she claims to be fighting oppression, she actually glorifies the everloving shit out of mental illness, and milks the fact that she's bipolar for all it's worth (which, speaking as another bipolar person, is kind of awful).

Oh, and she's a total radfem.

Basically she's like a Tumblrina who happens to be fairly talented and attractive, and found some degree of success...but hasn't matured at all (despite being in her mid-to-late thirties last time I checked).
 
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KingGeedorah

The Monster From Planet X
kiwifarms.net
Nequam Sonitus - Noise/Art/Bothersome/SilentHillcore
Not really music to be honest, but they have a Bandcamp!

Some live performances...

Get spooked guys.
 

Gerion

kiwifarms.net
Thank god someone's mentioned Blood on the Dancefloor. I once pissed away an entire Sunday afternoon looking up Dahvie Vanity's various enormities. That the guy is like 33 and still scene as fuck is bad enough, and then you find out he rapes underage girls. If you're unfamiliar and of a mind, why not take a look at "Call Me Master", a revolting treatment of BDSM made infinitely more sickening for knowing its author:


I've seen mentions of Emilie Autumn but, IMO, Amanda Palmer out-lolcows her by a mile. How about her scheme to get musicians to play at her live shows for free on her tour? She called her band the Grand Theft Orchestra, knowing very well what a fast one she was pulling. Or the time she wrote sympathetic doggerel poetry for the Boston Bomber like a day and a half after the event, epitomizing too soon. Or the time she backed violent rapist Jian Ghomeshi until her fans almost finally turfed her, and she came to her senses and flip-flopped? AFP is either a god-tier troll or a lolcow on Chris's level that can play piano and sing kinda-ok. I know which one I'm betting on.
 

AnOminous

Really?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
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How about her scheme to get musicians to play at her live shows for free on her tour? She called her band the Grand Theft Orchestra, knowing very well what a fast one she was pulling.
Don't forget she pioneered the use of kickstarter as a scamming tool to get money for what any real touring musician who presumably has a career of sorts should already be doing on their own.

Neil Gaiman can do better.

Even if he is a Scientologist.
 
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WonkeyDong

Lord Of This Lockerroom
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Normally I wouldn't accept karaoke losers as true musical LOLcows, but those clips have that special something....

Here's another key figure: the late Wesley Willis, who recorded something like thirty CDs worth of repetitious (and usually NSFW) rants about superheroes, cartoon characters, McDonald's food, and similar subjects, all using pretty much the same riffs on his factory-preset Casio keyboard. Apparently he was a close friend of the aforementioned Mr. Fischer:

He knew he was bad, I hope, I still chuckle at suck a cheetas dick though
 
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Ancani

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Eh, while Amanda Palmer has some definite lolcow tendencies and definitely needs to grow up (and this is coming from a fan, mind), I'd say Emilie Autumn is worse. For one thing, Palmer's only really gotten noticeably lolcow-ish over the past few years, from what I've seen, but Autumn's pretty much been like this her whole career. (See also: Trisol.)

Plus Palmer has some degree of lyrical depth beyond "I HATE MEN AND AM TOTES BIPOLAR U GUISE!!!!11111 LOL SO CRAZY", and having seen both of them live, I can also say she puts on a much better live show, in that hers actually includes her actually making music. Autumn's shows are basically her doing karaoke of her own songs--she does sing them, but all the instruments are prerecorded. Even her violin, for the most part (I think she took it out for a few songs but for the most part it was canned). And keep in mind that Autumn got her start as a violinist, and actually is pretty skilled there--you'd think she'd put some actual focus on the thing she's really, genuinely good at, but nope. :(

Finally, there seems to be a lot more active malice coming from Autumn. Palmer seems more clueless than outright malicious to me (though she's incredibly clueless, to be fair), but Autumn just seems cruel a lot of the time, so I really can't bring myself to pity her in any way, ever--I just kind of laugh and roll my eyes at her batshittery.

So while Palmer is a bit of a lolcow, I'd say that if you had to compare her and Autumn, the latter is worse. (And honestly, I'm not sure why there's as much comparison between the two as there is, since aside from having somewhat similar aesthetics and belonging to the same basic genre, there's really not a lot in common between their music. Again, this is speaking as someone who listens to both of them.)
 

Gerion

kiwifarms.net
Finally, there seems to be a lot more active malice coming from Autumn. Palmer seems more clueless than outright malicious to me (though she's incredibly clueless, to be fair), but Autumn just seems cruel a lot of the time, so I really can't bring myself to pity her in any way, ever--I just kind of laugh and roll my eyes at her batshittery.
OK, maybe I'm speaking from a place of ignorance. I was a Dresden Dolls fan back in the day, and went from being quite positive on AFP to actually having it in for her as I watched her stumble from one PR nightmare to another. Emilie Autumn was my ex's thing, and while I heard a lot of it while I was with her, none of it sank in, as her music is decidedly not for me.

Whether Amanda Palmer's cowishness comes from malice or ignorance is unknowable, but I have a feeling that she's got quite the mean streak. I wouldn't want to work with her.
 
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Ancani

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Fair enough. I personally never quite got a genuinely malicious vibe from her, but I also had no clue she even existed until 2009 or so, so I guess my experience is a bit limited too.

One last thing on EA, incidentally. She has a tattoo on her arm that is, allegedly, her "cell block number" from her time in a mental hospital (or "asylum," as she insists on calling it). I've never been to a dedicated psychiatric facility, but I'm pretty sure they don't actually have those. (She also claims One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest is an accurate portrayal of the current state of psychiatric care. Make of that what you will.)

Oh, and EA and AFP both have some of the most cringeworthy fanbases around, so...there's that too

Also, I know black metal has been brought up, but I can't remember: was Dead, from Mayhem, ever mentioned on his own? Because holy fuck, if his life story didn't end with him shooting himself, he would be a fucking lolcow king. (He kind of is anyway, honestly.)
 
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KingGeedorah

The Monster From Planet X
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Varg is pretty Cow like himself. Remember when hijacked that car, got a bunch of weapons, and tried to flee the country?

This was after being allowed leave during his prison sentence for murder.
 
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Dudeofteenage

Mister Standfast
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Varg is pretty Cow like himself. Remember when hijacked that car, got a bunch of weapons, and tried to flee the country?

This was after being allowed leave during his prison sentence for murder.
It's probably just me but I find it incredibly ironic that the name Varg has chosen to go by now that he lives in France is Louis Cachet. The name Louis is so popular in France because it was the name of the semi-legendary French King Clovis (which gets Latinised into Ludovicus, which then became Francified into Louis), who was mostly famous for converting to Christianity and establishing France as a Christian state. Clovis not only established Christianity in a large and important area of Europe, he is also indirectly responsible for its export to other parts of Europe - Charlemagne was a political successor to Clovis.

So Varg has chosen to use the name of somebody famous for abandoning Paganism and spreading Christianity. It's pretty deeply ironic. I wonder if he knows this?
 
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