MY NEW WEIGHT LOSS PLAN - aww shit here we go again, 08/07/2020

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How long until Amber's Noom coach blocks her?


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how now brown cow

kiwifarms.net
Why is she doing this when intuitive eating is working for her? Hasn't she lost 400 pounds just listening to her body? She is going to quit this so fast. Weighing every day will be triggering, or she will realise she was already doing all the things the noom app suggested, and she felt resentful having to hold the hands of people who didn't know anything about dieting, oh and she will know more than the diet coach and just think "what am I paying for, you know?"

I would like it if she went on a rant about how people who watch her videos with an ad blocker on are effectively stealing from her, and saying "you wouldn't steal from a shop, so why would you steal from a youtube artist? this is my work, and when you steal from me I need to make more content, and with the amount of time and effort it takes to make this content, it just ends up not as great as it could be. And all the haters complain about my videos not being professional enough. Well if you're watching with an ad blocker, you're part of the problem, and you have no right to complain"

please amber?
 

Turd Fergusson

kiwifarms.net
I dug around a bit more and the colours represent calorie density, with green being the least calorie dense foods and red being the most calorie dense. They recommend that you eat 30% of your food from the green group, 45% from yellow and 25% from red.

The algorithm which calculates your calorie "budget" is designed to give a weight loss of 1-2 lbs per week. Amber would need to stick with it for at least a couple of years just to go from deathfat to "normal" morbid obesity.

Relatively neutral review

I looked at the information and it is not a lot different than other diet programmes where you log you food that then provides a calorie count. Amber might stick to it a bit longer, perhaps a few weeks, for the following reasons. She is housebound from the surgery and cannot go to grocery stores and might stick to a list of food appropriate for the diet, and more importantly, she cannot go to restaurants for the same reason. Unfortunately, as soon as she is more mobile, all bets are off.
 

a llama weighs 450lbs

amber's hump #1 fan
kiwifarms.net
i've seen a few noom commercials and i believe they try to ~stand out~~ from other diet bullshit scams by saying they focus on the psychological causes of being a fatass. maybe they can do some group therapy sessions while meth mommy is still squatting at amber's.

her weight is 485? didn't she say in one of her recent twitter Q+As that she's lost 100lbs and is continuing to lose? when did the queen of exact numbers of her weight down to the decimal point weigh 585 lbs?
 
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Turd Fergusson

kiwifarms.net
her weight is 485? didn't she say in one of her recent twitter Q+As that she's lost 100lbs and is continuing to lose? when did the queen of exact numbers of her weight down to the decimal point weigh 585 lbs?
I believe that just before surgery she posted that she was 503 pounds. Who knows how much she weights now? We never get a straight answer.
 

Smoovy Jay

kiwifarms.net
Curvycaloriies 2.0 electric buggalo.
Curycaloriies 2: Electric Buffalo
Found a review of Noom. Here's what they say about pricing:

Amber was very, very dumb to not take advantage of the free trial. If she isn't just bullshitting that part.

The reviewer says it's pretty decent with a few flaws, and that the psychological aspect of it does make a difference. But they also lost a normal-person 20 pounds over 100 days. Unfortunately for Amber, her psychological problems are way too deep to be helped by a self-directed app and a questionably-qualified coach that you can choose not to engage with at all.
She is getting the first two weeks free but she’s too dumb to understand that. She’s likely quit by now but is also too stupid to deactivate her account so she will be charged the $150. She said she’s paying for WW still because she doesn’t like to cancel plans. Fuck she’s dumb.
I looked at the information and it is not a lot different than other diet programmes where you log you food that then provides a calorie count. Amber might stick to it a bit longer, perhaps a few weeks, for the following reasons. She is housebound from the surgery and cannot go to grocery stores and might stick to a list of food appropriate for the diet, and more importantly, she cannot go to restaurants for the same reason. Unfortunately, as soon as she is more mobile, all bets are off.
I have to disagree. She’s been essentially housebound for a couple years because she can’t drive and can’t walk anywhere. After she fully recovers from surgery, she’s not suddenly going to be popping into the local shops and cafés, she’ll still just be sitting atop pillow mountain couch ordering from delivery apps and making Becky go get her stuff. Hambeast will never be mobile.
 

ducktales4gameboy

archive what you want to remember
kiwifarms.net
So she said she would binge 4K calories at night, let’s do some calorie comparisons just for funsies since she doesn’t say what she would eat. (And I have a hard time imagining what 4K calories looks like)
I present the following concept: a box of something frozen and fried like onion rings where a serving is 3 pieces for 300 calories and you get 30 in a box. Nobody's going to run an oven for 45 minutes for 3 onion rings so she cooks the entire box justifying it as leftovers. Amber being amber and terrible food being terrible food, she's not going to stop after a serving that takes her less than 60 seconds to consume. The entire box will be gone before any satiety instinct kicks in, because if you eat faster you get more food, right?

This is such a common thing in America that a lot of frozen foods manufacturers have reworked their labels to also show calories for the entire box in an attempt to beat the stupids over the head with the idea that eating the entire thing is a bad idea.
 

Noom Boom

kiwifarms.net
I think the colour coding is not to do with the colour of the food but the colour grouping in

'Red Flag' foods - Foods which are high in fat. salt or sugar
'Yellow/Amber flag' Foods - foods a that are a bit naughty
'Green Flag' foods which are healthy and you can eat in bountiful amounts

Doesnt the new WW plan have Red, Amber and Green foods?

also
You could've just asked ;)
 

FatalTater

Fattest Among Thousands, Altogether Lethargic
kiwifarms.net
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I dug around a bit more and the colours represent calorie density, with green being the least calorie dense foods and red being the most calorie dense. They recommend that you eat 30% of your food from the green group, 45% from yellow and 25% from red.

The algorithm which calculates your calorie "budget" is designed to give a weight loss of 1-2 lbs per week. Amber would need to stick with it for at least a couple of years just to go from deathfat to "normal" morbid obesity.

Relatively neutral review

So it's colour coded macro counting, basically. Yes this will totally work :optimistic:
 

KiwiKunt

Amber is my screaming pillow.....
kiwifarms.net
It seems, based on the hard work of the Kiwi researchers, the diet is EVERYTHING that Amber hates - There are restrictions, it involves calorie counting with weights and measures, she has to weigh herself everyday and she has to COMMIT.

Also a lot of forums that discuss it seem to think the 'dedicated coach' is a bot
 

mekalekahi

It would mess up my metabolism
kiwifarms.net
I've always said amber will not make progress on her weight as long as she has access to her own money,a car and Becky and now she doesn't even need Becky cause shes in lexington with uber eats and delivery. I still stand by the fact that she lost the initial 50lbs or whatever during the time Becky was at risk of driving on her meds. Cause its funny how amber stagnated when Becky became herself again.

I predict she will last 1 or 2 days and be over it because she hates to be portion controlled or calorie restricted in anyway and it stops her from eating anything she craves. One of her meals from a place she gets takeout is probably 2000+ cals.

She seems very very comfortable at her current weight cause she seems more mobile and she doesnt have to work nor does Becky care about her size. its just so blatantly obvious that she does this to seem like shes changing her life for the viewers but off cam shes eating takeout all day long and sitting around doing nothing day in and out.
 

Preview Pain

I am Karen's Dying Hard Drive
kiwifarms.net
Just thinking aloud... and definitely being redundant...

I've been watching several lectures this last month on diet and the hormonal response of eating. I just got done watching a few on fasting and diabetes/insulin resistance/obesity from Dr. Jason Fung. The science is all there and the solution slaps you in the fucking face if you dare look for it. However, every lecture I've watched is about strictly the scientific hormonal response of being obese or sugar/simple carbohydrate dependent. Cold, hard science.

None of the lectures address the psychological aspect of eating and the drug-like consequences of not just bingeing, but eating junk food or for pleasure in general. Dr. Fung goes so far as to say that the "lack of willpower" is not to blame and that being obese isn't an individual's fault - they're sick. That the fucked up leptin/ghrelin (hunger hormones) response obese people (and binge eaters, I gather) face, which drives them to be hungrier more often and towards unhealthy foods/portions isn't their fault. That obesity and many of the complications that come with it are 100% reversible. However, don't you think that feeds into the notion that many addicts have of: "I can quit whenever I want"?

Keyword: want

I think many obese people (and people who eat too much in general or have addictive personalities) can only benefit so far from such leniency from people like Dr. Fung. Many people eat to "feel good". It's that habit of "feeling good" that makes them forget the negative consequences of any bad habit - weight gain, sugar crash, light headedness, diabetes, etc. It's a psychological crutch and if it's removed it has to be replaced with something else.

Amber's at a point in her life where there might not ever be an option to replace that emotional crutch of eating. She's quite housebound without any of her old stuff to fill her need to keep busy to stay away from food for any period of time. She's got a tool in her hand that has the ability to deliver food right to her doorstep and even less space between her in the refrigerator/snack closet.

It's really horrifying to think about: having nothing but food and a caretaker to bring it to you because it's truly all you can do. Ultimately because you voluntarily fed the habit despite learning it was not good for your health until it was completely out of your control.

tl;dr - the Cagening of Amber Reid gets tighter everyday
 

Amber’s period hole

Point blank period hole.
kiwifarms.net
I believe that just before surgery she posted that she was 503 pounds. Who knows how much she weights now? We never get a straight answer.
So, her lady plumbings weighted 30 pounds? Because there’s no way she lost weight through calorie counting or portion control. The only way she has to lose weight is removing body parts. She started with a hysterectomy, what’s next? Maybe a lobotomy, but I don’t think they would be able to remove that much weight.

And if she says j*urney one more time, I swear to god.
 

pistolwhipped

kiwifarms.net
I think we all know that deep down, Amber doesn't want to actually lose any weight. Her whole brand and personality revolves around how obese she is. She's afraid of success and probably doesn't want to have to deal with loose skin removal either, and of course she's afraid of confronting the trauma and psychological issues she has that cause her to binge. That's why she refuses to take the advice of professionals, quits every legitimate diet plan, and chooses to pour her time into stupid fad diet programs that lack any sort of actual accountability. Gorl is doomed.
 

DefCon Dumb

Confronter of Cryptoid Cuntiness
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I'm going to give her this one - if she was only at stage 1B with her cancer, the weight loss wasn't due to that. But it was certainly not due to sustained, sensible effort of any sort on her part. She had a few UTIs & a throat infection. Often with a bad enough UTI, your appetite drops off & eating/drinking with a sore throat can be too painful for a person to do more than take in a minimal amount of drinks. And let's not forget some antibiotics cause diarrhea as well as cause appetite to be suppressed.

We can see, (her upper arms in particular), that she did lose weight in the fall. It's also clear that she's stalled. I'd really like for her to explain what mindful eating means to her - how does she react when she thinks she's hungry? What decision making processes does she go through? We won't get that though - she excels at giving us empty verbiage.

Can she lose weight with Noom? Sure - she can easily drop a couple of pounds a week. Will she? I don't think so. Like any stubborn 2 year old, she'll dig in her heels & look for excuses. Any diet plan she's talked about easily results indecent weight loss.... assuming you follow the plan properly.

She won't - by Wednesday, she'll find reasons to quit. She might latch on to the fact that Noom isn't meant for eating disorders. Ironically, she could be down 7-8 lbs., not feel hungry, be doing well on the plan... but she'll still quit.

That's the one thing we can always count on with Amber - quitting. I swear if she could, she'd quit peeing mid-stream just because it works relieving her urge to go.
 
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