My project to use 24/7 outdoor music broadcast to repel urban hoodlums - don't let your memes stay dreams

millais

The Yellow Rose of Victoria, Texas
kiwifarms.net
Ever since I read those articles about using classical music at high volume and infinite loop to chase urban hoodlums and bums out of bus stops and public transit terminals, I have been inspired to install a similar PA/sound system to reduce loitering, drug-dealing, and trespassing in the vicinity of where I have to park my vehicle during the day. But due to lack of electrical conduit wiring, I was stymied in my efforts until two weeks ago, when everything could finally go into motion.

The area is zoned as commercial so nobody can hit me with late night sound complaints and I got the all-clear from the local police department just to be sure, so the system is ok in terms of legal footing.

I have physically installed the first two broadcast units of the system (hopefully I will get total coverage once I can scrounge up some more parts), so in terms of mechanics, it's up and working right now in two areas of roughly 750 sq ft and 350 sq ft respectively. And it has rained a whole lot since I installed the system with no problems, so I think the setup is sufficiently weatherproofed.

I'm using a bunch of old desktop computer speakers bundled together and hooked up to an old MP3 player for a broadcast unit in lieu of purchasing proper outdoor speakers and PA broadcast system, so unfortunately the sound output is not ear-rapingly, deafeningly loud when the music itself is soft.

So I have selected a playlist of music that is consistently loud in volume (no pianissimo, no decrescendos) and also offensive to the ears of the urban youth (ie no strong beat, no English/Spanish vocals). Unfortunately this rules out a lot of classical music because it's too quiet or has a lot of soft/quiet movements and the hoodlums can just bring their boombox and blast their music louder to cover up the speaker output.

So far I have trimmed the playlist down to about 4-5 hours of very loud stuff that the hoodlums can't cover up like military marches, waltzes, polka, and big choral performances, since those types of music don't have any quiet bits and are always at 100% forte/fortissimo volume. It seems to be doing a good job of chasing off the hoodlums so far. Only a few days after installation, they already made one attempt to destroy the louder of the two units, but after some slapdash repairs, this has had the memetastic effect of adding an amusing "ear-rape" type distortion effect to the very high pitch or very loud parts of the music without reducing the volume at all. Since then, they have given up at destroying the units and only made one futile effort to bring all their boomboxes on one night to outspam my system. To my surprise, it's made more of a difference in two weeks than two years of calling the police to remove the junkies and hoodlums.

Because of the success of the initial two broadcast units, I have become something of an overnight folk hero to the people who legitimately work in the area, who so far do not suspect the second stage of the project: surreptitious injection of politically incorrect and offensive meme music into the playlist. So far such classics as "Ain't I Right", "Dixie", and "Erika" have made it onto the playlist, with much more to come. Unfortunately nothing too explicit will be suitable for the playlist, so I can't add songs like "Stand Up and Be Counted" unless there is an instrumental rendition out there. There's a lot of Yugoslav War meme music and the various dank ISIS/Al-Qassam nasheeds that I would like to add on the playlist too, but unfortunately a lot of it has a pseudo-rock type beat that I'm afraid will not be so unpleasant to the ears of the hoodlums.
 

millais

The Yellow Rose of Victoria, Texas
kiwifarms.net
Holy shit? So you're a goddamn super hero in your free time?

I would include Glenn Miller's classic "In the Mood". Allegedly, if it is heard ten times in succession, it can induce a powerful rage in the victims.

Godspeed!
I would love to add classic 1920s-1940s jazz to the playlist, but I'm afraid the snazzy syncopation and especially the simple 4/4 beat of the later classics are too forgiving and kind to the ears of the urban youths. Instead, I have settled for some of the overly sentimental/humorous crooning performances of the French and German chanteurs/chanteuses of the same historical period, which has similar melody but more conventional rhythm and also very embarrassing and uncool ambiance for these ghetto toughs to listen to. Also recently added about 30-45 minutes of 1920s-1940s Afrikaner polka/waltzing music (called Boeremusiek), which is like a cross between ragtime, zydeco, and very early jazz, but it's ear rapingly loud on the broadcast system and very uncool to listen to.

Fascinating... no seriously. Where did you read these articles?

Also, please continue this research because I might finally have found an easy way to drive out the nigress cunt that lives above me.
I can't find the thread, but a while back ago, someone posted a thread in the News subforum here about how some animal psychologists did a study on what types of music chimpanzees like, and it turns out chimpanzees like rap and hiphop but absolutely hate classical staples like Bach, Mozart, and Beethoven. Someone mentioned in the replies that this is exactly like a Rutgers University study from the early 1990s that discovered that they could cause a huge reduction in vagrancy, loitering, petty crime, and even violent crime in dangerous areas like bus stops and subway stations by blasting classical music on loop. I looked into it more and apparently for a long time, it was very popular for municipal governments to use this kind of musical "crowd control" to reduce trouble spots, but now it is out of fashion because it's apparently racist to demonstrate that hoodrats and ghetto gangbangers can't stand "white folks music". Also doubly racist because we now know that these same hoodrats share the same musical taste as fucking chimpanzees.

Because my setup has a rather diverse and eclectic playlist I can't really tell for sure which type of music punishes the niggers the most, but I believe the "nuclear option" has to be little children's songs or lullabies blasted at ear-rape strength volume. That was my backup plan if the initial playlist did not work. But little children's songs would drive me crazy too, so I was very glad I didn't have to resort to it. I guess it's important to pick a music that doesn't drive you crazy in the process, since that would somewhat defeat the whole point of the setup. Like I would go crazy too if the playlist was 3 Mozart concertos and 2 Beethoven symphonies on loop, so I added in a lot of variety for my own personal sanity.

That's downright heroic but you're gonna get your car jacked cracka
Ha ha, no. This is Texas country. I bring a firearm with me to work.

This is amazing...keep us updated!
It's a very amusing setup in that I win either way. When the music keeps the hoodlums away, that stretch of the neighborhood is a safer place. If they insist on hanging around out there, they have to listen to my ear-rape playlist at all hours of the night and day. It always makes me happy to remember that even when I am sleeping in bed at night, there's a hoodrat or junkie or transient being bombarded with 2 hr 45 minutes of Red Army Choir album or 40 minutes of Nazi Wehrmacht marching song compliation or 1980s Afrikaner patriotic music or Confederate tunes.

I absolutely wish I could get a wi-fi network set up over there so I can watch the security camera footage from anywhere on my phone like HWNDU, but unfortunately wi-fi network is out of my price range for this project.

suggestions:

- serbia strong (remove kebab)
- hava nagila
- pizza theme from spiderman 2
Good suggestions. Absolutely I plan to add Serbia Stronk, and Hava Nagila is an amusing choice to counterbalance all the Nazi songs currently on the playlist. Like currently, I have the anti-commie Marty Robbins ballad "Ain't I Right" to offset all the Soviet and East German choral songs and marches.

Next time I adjust the system, I will take a screenshot of what's currently on the playlist to avoid duplicate suggestions.
 

Basketball Jones

kiwifarms.net
a study on what types of music chimpanzees like, and it turns out chimpanzees like rap and hiphop but absolutely hate classical staples like Bach, Mozart, and Beethoven.
Also doubly racist because we now know that these same hoodrats share the same musical taste as fucking chimpanzees.
Oh my god :story:

There is no joke or punchline in the universe more perfect than this.
 

millais

The Yellow Rose of Victoria, Texas
kiwifarms.net
I should have taken pictures of the original setup before the first attempt to destroy it. You know how sometimes they will install a non-functional "placebo" button at pedestrian crosswalks and elevators in order to give you the illusion of control over a completely automatic system?

Originally, I rigged up this fake wireless remote control complete with blinking lights and nonfunctional volume control and track selection buttons, which I then attached to the wall at chest-height beneath the loudest broadcast unit. The remote lasted one or two days before the hoodrats destroyed it in rage, but I was not motivated enough to rig up another convincing placebo replacement.

So in its place, I taped up this fake "playlist request sheet" that had the usual inner city "need mo' money fo dem programz" spiel about community engagement, like explaining that the new sound system was a municipal public service initiative to improve the neighborhood for the hoodrats, who as fine upstanding members of the community are graciously given an equal say in choosing the weekly updated playlist by writing down their requests in the blank table below. After a few days, the "request sheet" was absolutely covered with the titles of all these hiphop and rap tracks with ridiculous names like "Black Youngsta Twerk Yo Ass" or things like that. But when the playlist did not change the very next day, they chimped out and temporarily knocked out the broadcast unit and its protective cage with a brick or something (after which it has become stuck on the ear-rape sound setting as I previously related).

So since then I have removed the fake "playlist request sheet" and replaced it with a sign that says "SORRY, MUSIC WILL CONTINUE UNTIL BEHAVIOR IMPROVES :) NO REQUESTS THIS WEEK"

Of course they will be getting no requests ever, but I may replace the fake "playlist request sheet" in a month or so just to see if they are still hanging around, as I can't view the security camera footage live, so I don't know what goes on there when I'm not physically present. If they write something on the sheet, I'll know they're still being tortured by the ear rape.
 

EurocopterTigre

S-stop staring at my exhaust ports and tail rotor~
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Do you have the soviet national anthem in there?
You should also consider 'Come Out ye Black and Tans' and 'The Foggy Dew' if you're looking for folksy-ish stuff
The songs used by the US Army for psyops during Operation Nifty Package to flush Noriega out of the Vatican's embassy are also worth checking out.
Military stuff: Grün ist unser Fallschirm, Blood on the Risers
'It's a Long Way to Tipperary'
If you really want to push your luck:
 
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Kiwi Jeff

Like♂You
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
This isn't a song, but it's the first thing I thought of when it comes to loud.

I'd also recommend the Liberty Bell if you don't already have it because it's a fun song.

The Extreme Paintbrawl soundtrack might work well for repelling people too.
 
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break these cuffs

pic related: its me and my bitch
kiwifarms.net
The songs used by the US Army for psyops during Operation Nifty Package to flush Noriega out of the Vatican's embassy are also worth checking out.
Get some of that swedish deathmetal.
Our psyops guys used to play all sorts of metal for us on training ops and said it was just the playlist they would use in country because the locals hated it so much.
 

Wake me up

CωC Club founder
kiwifarms.net
Can you give a simple technical overview in case someone wants to reproduce your brilliancy? I'm particularly interested in how you made your monkey-proof protective cages and if the entire thing is self-contained (does each unit have a cheap MP3 player for storage)?

This is very interesting, keep us updated but also stay safe... it might be easier to hit you in the head with a brick than to break your speakers with one. The same type of people would try both. If I were you I'd disengage from the meme songs and indirect communication via requests. You've attained your goal, maybe don't compromise it by overstepping and leaving you vulnerable to complaints and general revenge? You've won already, don't let it turn sour out of hubris.

I have always thought that dumbasses are "allergic" to good music. Thanks for proving the fact! It must cause them to confront their limited brains when they can't easily digest a song, and since they're absolute shit they'd rather REEEE away like a vampire to sunlight rather than listen and maybe learn something new.

Of all things, I think it's the musical phrase length that disturbs them. These subhumans probably have a very limited "mental breath" so they can't form more complex phrases than "I eat now" or "I need sleep". My theory is that a complex phrase from classical music literally does not fit inside their brain patterns (in the same way a 32-bit computer cannot run 64-bit programs).
 
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