My sexuality -

[silentprincess]

I'm very confused, I like men, but sometimes I find women attractive too. I don't know if this is just a girl crush, or whether these are real feelings for women. I hope this doesn't sound stupid, or makes fun of anybody in the this situation. It's just very confusing, and I've felt it for a while, I keep wondering if it has to do with the sexual abuse and being raped that has made me feel this way. Or if I have been harboring these feelings inside for a very long time.

If this has been rude to anybody, or is in the wrong section please let me know.

 

[Protoman]

I don't know much about your history or the stuff you talked about in regards to abuse you've suffered, but it's clear you've been through quite a lot. That sort of thing makes figuring this type of stuff out very, very hard, i would presume. That being said, no one can answer this sort of thing for you but you, and you have no one to answer to but yourself. If it turns out you're straight or gay or bisexual or whatever kind of -sexual you happen to be, don't let anyone make you feel ashamed of it, and don't feel bad about being confused. You have no reason to apologize to us or to anybody for asking these kinds of questions. All that matters is that you figure out who you are and that you're able to be comfortable with whoever that might be.

So I guess my advice is to just keep thinking about it without worrying about whether it's right or wrong or if you're going to offend someone by feeling a certain way. Just try and get to a point where you're comfortable with being you.

 

[The Hunter]

As a bisexual, I can tell you it's no big fucking deal. You like girls? Go for it. No one's gonna judge you except yourself. And if you feel like you can't do it? Then it's not right for you. Of course sexual abuse can play a big factor in sexuality, but just be yourself and you'll be happy.

Unless you live in Uganda or Russia or something. In that case, keep that fact under wraps and leave the country as soon as you can.

 

[Have a Pepsi]

I'm mostly into girls, but I'm also into certain guys. I don't really know what makes me like a dude, but, I digress. Maybe you're bi? But once in a blue moon, a heterosexual can crush on or fall in love with someone of the same gender, or a homosexual can crush on or fall in love with someone of the opposite gender. It's certainly not common, but, it happens.
Hope that helps.

 

[Trickie]

While I feel like sexual abuse can screw around with your sexual desires, there's also quite a lot of people who are only "mostly straight", and I wouldn't be surprised if it was simply that. Even though most straight people say they're attracted to the opposite sex, there are still people most would say that they'd "be gay" for.

The most important thing is that you not allow your sexual feelings to be tainted by shame. It can only hurt you in the long run.

 

[Some JERK]

I remember some exercise in psych class where you indicated on some scale where you were between "absolutely, 100% straight" and "absolutely, 100% gay". Apparently the point was that if you indicated that you were on either extreme end, you were probably lying or in deep denial about something.

Which makes sense to me. I'm secure in my heterosexuality, but as such, that allows me to see why certain members of the same sex are considered sexually attractive without feeling weird or threatened about it, which, paradoxically means that I can't in all honesty say that i'm 100% hetero.

I guess...

 

[Chikinballs]

I remember some exercise in psych class where you indicated on some scale where you were between "absolutely, 100% straight" and "absolutely, 100% gay". Apparently the point was that if you indicated that you were on either extreme end, you were probably lying or in deep denial about something.

Which makes sense to me. I'm secure in my heterosexuality, but as such, that allows me to see why certain members of the same sex are considered sexually attractive without feeling weird or threatened about it, which, paradoxically means that I can't in all honesty say that i'm 100% hetero.

I guess...

I dont think anything short of sexual activity with the same gender, or at least fantasies in some cases, makes you less than straight. Saying "yeah, hes handsome" is perfectly acceptable unless youre in middle school or are emotionally stunted.

Nobody here can tell you the answer you seek. I would suggest finding two gay friends and arrange some oral and some anal. If you climax and then vomit, youre straight.

 

[Varis]

Sexuality is a very complicated subject, and I can relate to being confused about your orientation. I was 15 when I first started questioning mine, and while I've concluded that sex with women isn't attractive to me, I'm still uncertain about sex in general. I'm 27 this month, btw. These things take time, I guess?

I'll stop hijacking your thread in a sec, but it might help if you figured out whether your feelings towards her are romantic or sexual. I don't know how, though. I'm still learning myself.

 

[hellbound]

I'm very confused, I like men, but sometimes I find women attractive too. I don't know if this is just a girl crush, or whether these are real feelings for women. I hope this doesn't sound stupid, or makes fun of anybody in the this situation. It's just very confusing, and I've felt it for a while, I keep wondering if it has to do with the sexual abuse and being raped that has made me feel this way. Or if I have been harboring these feelings inside for a very long time.

If this has been rude to anybody, or is in the wrong section please let me know.

It's pretty widely accepted these days that sexuality is not something that can be placed in just a couple categories. Kinsey used a seven-ranked scale decades ago, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual, 6 being exclusively homosexual, 3 being equally attracted to both, and other ranks falling between. That's probably even way too coarse a scale.

Personally, I have zero desire to have sex with or even kiss another guy, but there are dudes who I think are fairly hot (Jason Statham, anyone?). I wouldn't call that bisexual, but it obviously means I'm not 100% attracted only to women. My point is, don't worry about putting yourself in a category. Be attracted to who you're attracted to, love who you want to love, and have sex with (willing) partners you want to have sex with, if and when you (and they) want to. A lot of the time, finding a label is just a pointless pain in the ass.

As far as abuse and it's link to bisexuality, I actually don't know. My ex was pretty seriously abused at a few points in her life, and she was definitely straight-up bi (she cheated on me with a girl, and then after we broke up she got married to a dude, divorced him, and shacked up with a chick), but as they say the plural of anecdote is not data.

 

[Pikonic]

It's very common for bisexuals to prefer one sex over the other.

I love me some penis, but if a lady comes by, things might happen.

 

[Pikonic]

TMI warning:
I was sexually assaulted at 19. I meet wet to the cops because the guy was someone I once considered a friend. He was also a teaching major an I didn't want to ruin his life. So I never got that sense of justice that victims sometimes say they get when thy see their aggressor in court.
About a year later I told my sister, and started therapy. I wasn't in a relationship sexually or romantically for another 4 years.
It took some time, but I was able to be with men again.
I don't think event like that can change sexual preference.

 

[JeffMangum]

Honestly, I don't want to tell anyone. It's nobodies business, but my own. No disrespect for people who are public about it though.

 

[Chikinballs]

TMI warning:
I was sexually assaulted at 19. I meet wet to the cops because the guy was someone I once considered a friend. He was also a teaching major an I didn't want to ruin his life. So I never got that sense of justice that victims sometimes say they get when thy see their aggressor in court.
About a year later I told my sister, and started therapy. I wasn't in a relationship sexually or romantically for another 4 years.
It took some time, but I was able to be with men again.
I don't think event like that can change sexual preference.

from talking with my sister, i learned that experience in formative years can influence sexuality quite heavily. that doesnt apply to your scenario, though. its too bad you didnt put that person away though.

 

[exball]

Honestly, I don't want to tell anyone. It's nobodies business, but my own. No disrespect for people who are public about it though.

Gay.

 

[DC 740]

As a guy, I'm not 100% sure on flirty feelings or whatever (I'm sure that sounds lame). What I can tell you is that there have been men I have been very loyal to; it's not love, but a deeper understanding of each other. I don't know how to fully explain it.

But with time, they've either left, died, or have changed. I never felt a physical attraction but we could spend hours together. Like a pack of wolves, I guess.

(Or they could have been gay and I had no idea)

 

[_blank_]

First of all, there is no reason for you to apologize. You're not being rude in the slightest for asking for advice.

Speaking for myself, I am a boring heterosexual male. All the same, I am able to believe that other men are attractive, but that doesn't mean other than I have a defined view of what I think is attractive or not. That isn't to dismiss your viewpoint - just saying that it isn't abnormal or irregular or anything.

Above all, as I mentioned to another board member not too long ago, you just need to be true to yourself. This is the year 2014, and anyone who thinks you should act or perform in a way of their choosing is a dipshit. Be confident in who you are, and let the opinions of anyone else come a distant second, if at all.

 

[HG 400]

I'm very confused, I like men, but sometimes I find women attractive too. I don't know if this is just a girl crush, or whether these are real feelings for women. I hope this doesn't sound stupid, or makes fun of anybody in the this situation. It's just very confusing, and I've felt it for a while, I keep wondering if it has to do with the sexual abuse and being raped that has made me feel this way. Or if I have been harboring these feelings inside for a very long time.

If this has been rude to anybody, or is in the wrong section please let me know.

Just bang a lady or two. You'll figure out pretty quick if it's your cup of tea or not.

 

[hm yeah]

you really shouldn't worry about it so much. find a skill to develop to base your identity on instead of your sexuality.

(yeah i know you probably don't base your identity on your sexuality, but see, my point is you shouldn't worry about it too much)

 

[Zim]

Good news! You live during the most accepting period of time in human history so far so feel free to explore whatever. You also don't have to apologize. This forum seems to be a good place to talk about things like this since this is an open and generally friendly forum.

 

[Pine Tar]

All I can really say is get some practice in. Speaking as a man, there would be nothing more awkward then finally getting intimate with someone you love and realizing you don't know what you're doing.