Lolcow Myles Bukrim / @MylesBukrim / mylesbukrim.com / ShadowOfMyles - Minesweeper Online Beginner Pro/Ex-Speedrunner with a "dark secret"

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moseph.jartelli

Yello Mello Custard. Dripping From A Dead Dogs Eye
kiwifarms.net

He was much more 'human' then. Its like an alien inhabits him now.

Also, fellow cow Dylan Guptill apparantly had some interaction with him.
Screenshot_20210130-102057_YouTube.jpg


Looks like @LiveFromNS and I were on the same wavelength this morning. Lol
 

LiveFromNS

JIMI
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net

He was much more 'human' then. Its like an alien inhabits him now.

Also, fellow cow Dylan Guptill apparantly had some interaction with him.View attachment 1883001

Looks like @LiveFromNS and I were on the same wavelength this morning. Lol
Hilarious! Yeah, as I said I just decided to spend some time rifling through his channel and grabbed all the "personal" vids, then I hit the video I just posted, watched it and it struck up the urge to post a diatribe here.

That vid though kind of killed my mood so not going to review his other videos I grabbed right now. I wasn't expecting to have the Dark Secret revealed to me in depth.

But I will upload them all in the thread over coming days just to have them embedded here. Save @Ellesse_warrior from taking it on! LOL
 

Ellesse_warrior

Plz dox thumb
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Hilarious! Yeah, as I said I just decided to spend some time rifling through his channel and grabbed all the "personal" vids, then I hit the video I just posted, watched it and it struck up the urge to post a diatribe here.

That vid though kind of killed my mood so not going to review his other videos I grabbed right now. I wasn't expecting to have the Dark Secret revealed to me in depth.

But I will upload them all in the thread over coming days just to have them embedded here. Save @Ellesse_warrior from taking it on! LOL
I have his videos backed up too just in case
 

R00T

Help. R*pe.
kiwifarms.net
>feels that I've been checking his page daily multiple times hoping he'd upload a Mylesball video and you beat me to it,
>also feels about the old channel

Like you I've been pulling the old videos, but I took a break
1612066618795.png

I have almost to 2008 I think?

Your assessment is fantastic! I truly cannot find much to add to it, but here are some points I thought I could talk about.

GPA stands for grade point average, and its silly math. Each class you take adds up to a decimal with the typical "highest" average being a 4.0 (what he got in high school). Some classes can be weighted to bolster a GPA due to difficulty, meaning you can get a B (80-89/100) and still get a 4.0, but it usually requires you to get at least an A (90-100). That gets a bit harder in college due to life and work becoming more involved, so a 3.5 (what he said his average was) is seen as really good. He has never seemed to me to be cognitively challenged so I imagine he was in your typical classes which would've been relatively difficult.

Migraines are something that I'm always skeptical about because a lot of people use the term as "bad headache" when it usually means "headache so debilitating you find it difficult to function." Growing up I would have them once or twice a month and the pain was so unbearable all I could do was curl up in a ball and pray. I also knew someone who had chronic ones and when I discussed it with him the only reason he was able to function was because he had grown so used to them because they happened daily. Myles does not come across as someone who lies and the cause behind migraines can be so unique from person to person I wouldn't doubt the stress of constant pain and being told you may not be able to do the thing you love could cause them.

On the subject of cheating I studied a little further and found that his actions are not something atypical.
This is where I found out about him cheating in Super Mario 64, and the speedrunner, Cheese, in the video sort of addresses it. People like Myles are really good and they can prove it, however they want to reach that next milestone. Its something that requires a high level of skill and consistency which is difficult to control, but also a high level of luck which is impossible to control. In this case people become frustrated because they know they can do it but keep getting held back in some way. Myles did what he did because he was tired of missing the goal. Its more a moment of weakness than indication of him being a bad person I think, and the fact that he was open about it just shows that it wasn't something he was proud of doing.

I agree wholeheartedly on Myles being someone that's fun to watch because of mannerisms and actions. I giggle when he lifts his shirt up and throws on the shades or when he does the finger pointing to Jesus but if I'm honest every clip of him shooting hoops leaves me in absolute awe. The consistency shows dedication and practice which a person like Russel Greer could never achieve.

I'm just glad other people enjoy him! He was well liked in every community he's been a part of as well and I certainly look forward to his uploads!
 

Catmannjew

"fuck you, you fake satanic jew."
kiwifarms.net

This got you so bothered.

I am not sure where I ever said "I think he is lying and faking" because those were two separate comments. For a cow, he is not malicious nor does he make go out of his way to attack anyone {that I have seen, but for being ten years to shift through} His only wrongdoing so far is lying about a speedrun? He is very likable for having all of the signs and makings of a skitzocow.

I disagree, this is the right place, he fits the bill for the perfect cow; and that is this cult idea he has, passing knowledge necessary to transcend, and the autobiography. How he makes his videos. You do not make such big claims and not back them up, so that will come up, or come up again.
 

R00T

Help. R*pe.
kiwifarms.net
This got you so bothered.

I am not sure where I ever said "I think he is lying and faking" because those were two separate comments. For a cow, he is not malicious nor does he make go out of his way to attack anyone {that I have seen, but for being ten years to shift through} His only wrongdoing so far is lying about a speedrun? He is very likable for having all of the signs and makings of a skitzocow.

I disagree, this is the right place, he fits the bill for the perfect cow; and that is this cult idea he has, passing knowledge necessary to transcend, and the autobiography. How he makes his videos. You do not make such big claims and not back them up, so that will come up, or come up again.
as it stands I don't necessarily know if the cult talk is going to amount to much. The "knowledge" he wants to share with the world that I've gleaned is how he worked through his problems over time and didn't let them hold him back. Its less a mystical "I was sent by G-d to save the world" and more like something you'd see from a life coach. Transcending in this case would be overcoming your problems. I would agree that the autobiography is a little out there but it sort of fits his idea of him believing what he has to say is important.

Also he is clearly a person of habit which explains the video set ups. He's probably shot a ball at a hoop thousands of times to the point it just goes in every time, the same way he played mario kart levels until he could beat each lap to a precise hundredth of a second. The videos are the same way. He has his outline and he sticks to it.

I'm personally going to hold off saying he's a skitzocow since he just seems like he's awkward socially and hasn't brought a level of intensity like Brad Watson or Kenda.
 

LiveFromNS

JIMI
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
This got you so bothered.

I am not sure where I ever said "I think he is lying and faking" because those were two separate comments. For a cow, he is not malicious nor does he make go out of his way to attack anyone {that I have seen, but for being ten years to shift through} His only wrongdoing so far is lying about a speedrun? He is very likable for having all of the signs and makings of a skitzocow.

I disagree, this is the right place, he fits the bill for the perfect cow; and that is this cult idea he has, passing knowledge necessary to transcend, and the autobiography. How he makes his videos. You do not make such big claims and not back them up, so that will come up, or come up again.
LOL, no not bothered. My post was mainly to provide some analysis and my viewpoint on Myles. Perhaps lying and faking was improper of me to say. I meant more that perhaps you or others may be doubtful about his physical challenges and conditions or the severity. When I watched the vid I posted, I decided that he wasn't faking or embellishing, just the opposite. He could have used his situation in many ways, to garner sympathy, get a free ticket to be an ass, try to profit off it with gofundme or patreon etc. Something a lolcow would do. Just look at Russell as I mentioned. His less serious disability is flaunted by him a fair amount of time and he uses it to gain an advantage when, in reality, it only affects his appearance and ability to communicate well verbally. But he thinks it is something that should make him untouchable and have privileges and special treatment.

I guess it comes down to just what is a lolcow or what makes a person one. I am sure we all have different people who we consider fit the bill, and others we do not. There has been talk of his videos being performance art. I look at his "cult idea" and the "transcending" to be more along that line, or just word salad he uses.

His videos are fun to watch, he is odd, but doesn't appear to be a scumbag or deviant or harmful to others, which most of the lolcows, at least ones I follow in that section of the board, seem to be.

Whatever ultimately happens with the thread and where it ends up is not my call, but from my viewpoint, he doesn't fit in to the lolcow section, at least not yet.

I do apologize for intimating that you felt he was lying or a faker. I will agree though, he is a very interesting character and I hope he continues putting out videos.
 

Catmannjew

"fuck you, you fake satanic jew."
kiwifarms.net
as it stands I don't necessarily know if the cult talk is going to amount to much. The "knowledge" he wants to share with the world that I've gleaned is how he worked through his problems over time and didn't let them hold him back. Its less a mystical "I was sent by G-d to save the world" and more like something you'd see from a life coach. Transcending in this case would be overcoming your problems. I would agree that the autobiography is a little out there but it sort of fits his idea of him believing what he has to say is important.

Also he is clearly a person of habit which explains the video set ups. He's probably shot a ball at a hoop thousands of times to the point it just goes in every time, the same way he played mario kart levels until he could beat each lap to a precise hundredth of a second. The videos are the same way. He has his outline and he sticks to it.

His basketball videos are amazing to watch. I look forward to more mylesball. I like him, he will be fun to watch.

You can tell he is very neat, very orderly, look at his closet. everything including his website is also neat and in order. I was hunkered down for 15 minutes of rambling and got about 3? Straight to the point.
He is the skitzocow without the schizophrenia. Especially that autobiography thing, and Transcending.

That does not make anything he has done any less entertaining.

LOL, no not bothered. My post was mainly to provide some analysis and my viewpoint on Myles. Perhaps lying and faking was improper of me to say. I meant more that perhaps you or others may be doubtful about his physical challenges and conditions or the severity...

I do apologize for intimating that you felt he was lying or a faker. I will agree though, he is a very interesting character and I hope he continues putting out videos.

:eli:
Never anywhere, did I state, that I am "doubtful about his physical challenges and conditions or the severity" or that he is lying, or whatever else you thought. May I suggest you stop thinking so hard.
 

Ellesse_warrior

Plz dox thumb
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
New Myles ball:
 

LiveFromNS

JIMI
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
So, when he mentioned he was Valedictorian in the last video I posted, I thought I would search a bit to see if I could find anything related to that. I didn't, but a result came back from Sept. 17, 2015, a post here on the Farms by @Silver in fact. I checked the OP of this thread and see it wasn't mentioned, I just came across it and it is massively long so haven't even read it, but as it appears to be quite detailed and possibly informative, I am bringing it over to the thread. I am assuming you didn't know about this previously @R00T? Unfortunately due to the serious length, when I tried to post it I reached a character limit. So I split it up.

My favorite Not-A-Lolcow Lolcow of all time: Myles Bukrim, aka ShadowOfMyles, once the biggest name in the Super Mario 64 and Mario Kart 64 challenge communities. I say "once" because of two things: 1) just as time goes on, these types of communities see less action from old names and more action from new people that are more popular in different circles, and 2) it was discovered earlier this year that his 17-minute 16-star run of Super Mario 64, at the time a world record and considered to be one of the bigger feats in SM64 gaming, was faked.

It's one of those stories where those two distinctive parts that come together in order to create the fantastic whole. Trying to figure out the best way to weave these two parts together is tricky. I'll do my best to make it an interesting tale, especially for those of you who don't pay attention to the communities of SM64 and MK64 (or have never played those games). It's a bit text-wally, but I think it's kind of absolutely hilarious and I'd recommend you (yes, you!) to read it if you're into such things.

Here's a little bit of bait to convince you to read: He claims he understood that he needed to address his cheating when an "antelope of death" appeared to him in a dream. I am not making this up.

Spoiler: long
The first thing I need to discuss is the relevance of Myles. I've been on-and-off following bits of the SM64, though not so much the MK64 community. Some cursory research on the biggest Mario Kart 64 fansite, mariokart64.com, shows that he is ranked very highly on the shortcut circuit, 7th worldwide for combined shortcut times and with the majority of his shortcut times still in the single-digits, even to the point of still holding records on three specific categories/courses. His non-shortcut times are less impressive given the rank he's in, but you'll notice that the overwhelming majority of his non-shortcut times have the "God" standard. The standards page shows that the God ranking is basically saying that the time in question was exceptionally, impressively good. I don't know enough about MK64 to know how truly impressive these times are, but the fact of the matter is that the MK64 knows what they're doing, and rated him accordingly. I know just from osmosis that he was responsible for discovering many a shortcut and time-saver. On David Wonn's site, an old-ass video game glitches/tricks site that is eternally mired in the early 2000s and indeed hasn't been updated since 2006, a special page dedicated to MK64 (as David Wonn was a dedicated Karter himself) discusses time-saving tricks and glitches. Under one exceptionally awesome trick (skipping a significant portion of Rainbow Road), Wonn said that "Many notable karters have accomplished this amazing feat, including Davey Alseike, Alex Penev, Myles Bukrim, Steven Zwartjes, Ben Miller, David Wonn, Mike Simmons, and Greg Ihnatenko." So we know just from looking that Myles was a significant player in MK64.

In Super Mario 64, he is similarly lauded as being one of the best players. On the Records page of sm64.com (a similarly outdated site, though it was updated this year to discuss the allegations of Myles cheating and I know the site creator is still somewhat active in the SM64 community), he shows up a hell of a lot as holding, or being tied for, several records. He shows up many times on the fastest star times record and, indeed, in 2008, the person who runs this site lauded him publicly on the front page, when Myles' speedrun was made public:
"Last month the legendary Myles Bukrim completed an amazingly clean 16-star run, finishing the entire game (from first gaining control of Mario to Bowser's final star) in a mere seventeen and a half minutes. [...]

[...] Thus, Myles' video beats the fastest available video by a minute and a half. Star choices and times for various videos are available on this page, including an old run Myles himself made in 2005.

We've already seen how Myles dominates the races, but his star times are also top notch and on the last update he passed Thiago in our points ranking. Congratulations Myles!"

Also in about 2006-7, the SM64 community on GameFAQs (which was at the time one of the bigger SM64 communities) hosted a Video Quiz, where one user issued challenges to members, who had to upload videos of them performing these feats to Youtube. The quiz lasted something like two years, and one of the principle ideas was "anyone can participate in any video, people can join late if they want, drop out, etc". For a long time the lead was held by Youtube LPer BikdipOnABus, mostly due to him being a long-term member of GameFAQs and therefore entering the contest early on, as well as consistently uploading videos every week. But when Myles entered the game much later, he did very, very well at every task he entered, often winning the timed ones and getting points for completing the others. He slowly crept up to Bikdip in points before finally surpassing him at the tail end of the game. The final scores were Myles with 6478 points, and Bikdip with 6416 - a difference of less than 100 points, but a difference nonetheless, and a very significant difference considering how long Bikdip had been in the game compared to Myles.


With all this in mind, the million-dollar question becomes: If he's such a talented player, why did Myles cheat on the speedrun?

The exact form that the cheating took was documented in this Reddit post. Basically, he spliced together two videos at a point where Mario wasn't on screen and the music had temporarily faded out, thus making it difficult to tell that the splice had taken place. (If you look at the rest of the reddit post and some comments, you can see exactly how devastating this was to people who had lauded Myles and his for-a-long-time-world-record run for the six years since it had been uploaded.)

But the splicing point is... questionable, at best. For anyone here who doesn't know the dynamics of the game, the 16-star speedrun is a glitch speedrun where Mario collects only 16 stars instead of the 70 he normally needs to beat the game. He needs 70 stars because of overworld doors in his way that won't open unless he has specific amounts of stars, and the final staircase to Bowser loops endlessly unless you have 70 stars. Due to the flawed nature of collision detection and an oversight in Mario's jump physics, it's possible to use glitches to push Mario through the doors he should otherwise be trapped at, and bypass the loop point on the so-called "endless" stairs. It's 16 stars because this is the minimum you can have and still be "able" to beat the game through glitches. So you'd think since these glitches are very important to the execution of a 16-star run, that the splice would be maybe in the middle of the run? No... rather, the splice is as Myles enters the very first level. There's a common speedrun glitch before he gets to the first level that makes it take 20 seconds from when you can control Mario to when he enters the level instead of 40. Like, seriously, there is not enough material prior to the splice to make it worth anyone's while. And considering the context of when this run was released - it was a full minute and a half faster than the at-the-time-fastest 16-star runs. So even if Myles had trouble with either side of the splice enough to warrant doing the splice in the first place, why should he, when he would still have been faster than either of the world record times available then?

The answer is what, in my eyes, makes Myles a lolcow.

The Mario Kart 64 forum (of the mariokart64.com website mentioned earlier) discovered the splice with this post, made earlier this year. I'm not going to make you read through pages of small font and SM64 sperging to find the results, but the general reaction is "If it's true, that's really sad." and "I'd like to hear how Myles defends this." There is one post by someone that strikes me as interesting, here:

Did Myles ever explain his whole side of the controversy yet? I mean, am I the only one who sees that as a big deal?

I liked Myles, but I have to admit now looking back it kind of makes sense. Just how he presents himself in videos and such, I find it hard to explain. Being that I'm a psychic by profession, I inadvertently practice a lot of "rogue psychology" and have gotten more than adept at picking up on peoples' nuances. Thinking about it, maybe I'm making the connection after hearing the accusation, but it seems to line up fairly well. Does anyone else understand what I'm getting at? Just his propensity to aggrandize himself, it's very out of place from others in his league.

Funny, now that I think about it, it's really not that hard to make a run like that. Just do 100 practice runs and cut together the best bits and pieces. Makes me want to do it just to see how close I can get to the WR. Of course I'm not the type who would get anything but a guilty conscience from claiming it to be anything other than what it was, I'd still find it fun and good practice if nothing else.

I'm really disappointed though. Myles is a guy I've always felt was good deep down despite all his offsetting nuances. Maybe there's more to it I'm not seeing. Set the record straight, Bukrim!

(The SC WR History will sure be rewritten if this turns out to be true..)
The "psychic" shit is not interesting to me. But he is onto something with his assessment of how Myles presents himself in videos. (Myles made a lot of videos showcasing new strategies in both MK64 and SM64.) He doesn't commentate or anything, he just does the videos, but one thing that always bothered me was the fact that he has this flashy, obnoxious little intro (you can see that here) to his videos, despite it just being... a fan thing... videos of a game. This was in an age before LPs had taken off and these kinds of video intros were common. Let me state, too, that one reason for its bothering me was the fact that he included this intro in nearly every video he did for the video quiz. A video quiz, where timing is everything on half the videos. It just struck me as unnecessarily pretentious, like "oh, I'm not gonna bother giving you a video that's easily time-able because it includes ONLY the quiz material, you get to time it yourself, quiz-maker :)" and even in 2008 when I was a 13-year-old Silver following the video quiz in real time this bothered me immensely. So I totally get what this guy is saying about the way Myles presents himself. And, indeed, he'd turn out to be onto something.

Some people in the comments argue that Myles never presented his run as "single-segment" (i.e. recorded in one sitting). But someone brings up the following comment by Myles on another forum:
Well, I lost two runs on the last Bowser throw. Those were two of the most frustrating experiences of my gaming career. I sat the controller down gently to keep from breaking it and breathed slowly until I calmed down enough to turn the TV and N64 off and walk away with some sanity regained. Then I waited a good week or so both times before trying again. Needed some time for the pain to subside, of course.
So Myles was intentionally deceiving people by presenting everything as if he had done the run single-segment, as the entire speedrun community interpreted it. What does he have to say on the matter?

Three weeks after the news broke: he breaks radio silence in the SM64 thread to say the following:
A quick response to break the ice:

On January 16, Mark Jones was kind enough to inform me of the Super Mario 64 allegations brought against my 16 star run. I knew people would talk about this, but I thought this was the only video in question.

This morning, I checked my facebook and learned that people here were questioning my integrity in "other games". I worked today, so this is the first opportunity that I've had to address this as I didn't realize I was being questioned for anything else.

This weekend, I'll have more time to provide a detailed response. Normally, I would not address a crowd, but you guys are discussing this in a rational manner. I tend to receive the mob treatment most other places on the internet, so I prefer not to discuss sensitive topics there.

See you on Saturday.
Notice the "I tend to receive the mob treatment most other places on the internet". I don't know what these places are, but it just reminds me of the old adage, "if you meet a jerk in the morning, you met a jerk. If you meet jerks all day long, you're the jerk". What the hell could he have to say that gets him the mob mentality? He's a speedrunner, and we all kind of expect them to be a little autistic. But he's also fantastically talented and has garnered respect on GameFAQs and this here Mario Kart 64 forum because of it. Plus, he's an old user of the internet, having been active since like 2004; you'd think after 11+ years (many more, I believe) you would know how to not be ganged up on on the Internet. I did. So how might Myles be drawing negative attention to himself?

Notice also Myles' excessively flashy signature, with a big-ass banner advertising his common handle. This falls in line with his flashy intro to his videos, and becomes kind of part of a bigger picture later on in this story.

The following day, after this, he posted with a slightly more in-depth explanation on the allegations that he shouldn't be trusted in regards to his Mario Kart records because, quote, "I would argue that I am the most proven Mario Kart 64 player in this place." Again, let that set the tone.

Another commenter makes a reasonable argument calling out Myles' fallacy in his post:
EDIT: Before I forget, you said nothing up until this point because you didn't think this accusation would affect your standing in other games you play, and maybe it won't, but did you really think that this board would simply let a cheating accusation on one of the site's most well respected players simply fall by the wayside? And that just because it wouldn't affect your kart standing mean that addressing the issue isn't important? There's no way that would happen.
In Myles' next post, he admits to cheating. His admission also comes with some several... interesting facts...

This is the only time I've ever cheated for a competitive website. Not that I expect anyone to believe that, but it's true. I don't even know what alcohol tastes like. I've never smoked and I've never done drugs. I'm a 30 year-old virgin. I've never even kissed a girl. I went all the way through college and graduated cum laude without cheating a single time... but I did cheat in a video game once
smiley.gif
Uh... huh. I don't disbelieve you, but... well... this confirms the "autistic sperg with no life outside video games" theory.

He continues with his justification for cheating:
As this discussion continues, I will get into more specifics. I uploaded a ton of SM64 videos to youtube from May 2007 to May 2008. I set 63 consecutive single star WRs during that time. I saw a number of fatal signs that cheating was growing out of control in this game and finally accepted that I had wasted my time playing as the champion from 1999 to 2008. Finally, my heart for this game shattered within my rib cage never to be repaired and I gave in to what so many others were doing.
As someone who looks at a lot of SM64 content on Youtube and elsewhere, I have not noticed these "fatal signs". Outside excessive amount of glitches, cheating is basically impossible in Super Mario 64, and the fact that Myles' run stood uncontested for 6 years is a testament to how it's so difficult nobody even bothered to think that he had. So, what the fuck? What signs of cheating was he seeing? He never expanded on this and the world doesn't fucking know, and it's just a useless excuse because it doesn't have any basis in reality.

As people respond saying that they've lost respect for him, Myles makes his fourth post to claim he's never playing video games ever again and DRAMATICALLY puts a big fat red X through his signature banner. So you've got a little bit of a drama queen/attention whore complex going on here. But believe me, Kiwis, the rabbit hole goes far deeper. User wheatrich puts it best in his response to this post:
I am leaning towards not ever playing a video game competitively again and having all records removed (mario kart 64 included). I think it's best.
in case you haven't realized it yet, you are the only one that thinks this.
He makes a quick post to basically show he's alive and he'll be back "next weekend" to discuss the allegations in more detail. User no control responds in a pretty honest manner:
But what is happening here...this topic is complete BS. Myles cheated, wants to make a dramatic exit and everyone are begging him to stay....how we people work, it is amazing.

1. Myles got caught (he confessed nothing).
2. Evidence is there, all he can do is CONFIRM.
3. Life story + wannabe dramatic exit.
4. People saying at least he confessed (no he didn't, HE WAS CAUGHT), bagging him to stay.
5. Delaying to explain the situation.

This has all the elements of BS story.

When Myles returns, his justification is nothing short of beautiful. It's too long for me to quote. You really have to take my word for it and read it yourself. Some choice passages:

Immediately after that post, I deleted my forum account and became Ex Member Myles. I don't know whether it was a dream, vision, or something that actually happened, but God did light up the sky and speak to me. Then, I became as large as the universe and hovered in blackness, seeing all of the stars. This took place in the AM hours of January 23rd 2003. Seems more like a dream/vision, doesn't it? That's fine. I'm willing to concede that after all these years.
Wait, what the actual FUCK IS THIS NONSENSE?

This, friends, is where Myles is confirmed in Kiwi as a lolcow. He's nothing short of horribly delusional.

The post he mentions is part of a topic he posted (and linked to) in 2007 where he gets all butthurt about something or other and makes a dramatic exit from the community. You don't have to read it now. I'll discuss it once I'm done dissecting this 2015 post. (This is, incidentally, why I called Myles' story two-part: the 2007 crazy and the 2015 crazy are two separate but related things.)

Immediately after deleting my forum account, I looked myself in the mirror and said:

"These people do not have enough respect for you. Leave this place, become legendary, and cheat. Cheat in such a way that you become more and more legendary off of the false video. Then, return to this place and maybe someday you can realize your goal of having your times removed."
Completely, utterly delusional and full of himself. Despite the fact that he could easily have practiced hard enough to make the 16-star video legit by real means. But no, he had to cheat in order to be respected. What in the unholy name of fuck is the thought process here?

That was the only time God spoke to me, but since then I've had countless dreams/visions of myself flying through the sky and dominating the Earth like a super hero. I've even had a few dreams of myself flying out of the atmosphere into darkness. Beginning last year, I started to have dreams with evil creatures following me up into the sky. Just one week before caivs discovered the splices, I had a dream where I took flight over a field. A creature ascended toward me from the nearby forest. As the creature approached, I looked at it and said:

"Ah, the antelope of death. It's because I cheated in Super Mario 64. This will need to be addressed soon."
THE FUCKING ANTELOPE OF DEATH
If you take nothing else out of this tl;dr post, take that. It's amazing. It's ridiculous. It's beautiful.

That brings us to the present time. I do have to admit, I wasn't expecting to get caught. I thought I would be making a confession soon.
Sure you were.
SOURCE: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/obscure-laughingstocks.277/post-980471
 

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"I did have my 8-9 inch penis out in my home by myself today when I woke" schizo from Fairbank, Iowa
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