Diseased Neo-Pagans / Witches on the Internet / Witchblr - SMT IRL, but with fatties

NoReturn

CEO Wash & Smash llc.
kiwifarms.net
Selections from the new TikTok thread:
To be fair to the Astrology broad, her Presidential election predictions were spot on. DEM ECLIPSES IN THE 5TH HOUSES MAAAAN.
also, another witch
 

Agarathium1066

My sense of balance is busted.
kiwifarms.net
I think the Nordic "worshippers" are even more cringe than the Greco-Roman stans. Venerating gods of a culture whose whole thing was being physically strong and self-reliant while being anemic deathfats with tugboats just makes me shake my head. Hell, if I'm not mistaken the Norsemen didn't even really worship their gods per se, they just saw them as what they should strive to be like. They had their shrines and prayers and stuff, but actually asking for shit? Odin and company had better things to do than hold the mortal's collective hand.
It's hard to really say with full accuracy how nordic peoples worshipped since a lot of what is known is through a Christian historian lens but it is pretty accurate that you really didn't 'rely' on them in any sense. You would do more offerings to ancestors most often and during certain holidays would offer things to the gods as well. If you wished to try to gain wisdom or guidance it was often wise to offer something that was liked by them.

Whether they listened or gave you anything is up to them. You're far more likely to interact with spirits and your ancestors than a god, as they've their own business and aren't always keeping an ear perked for a mortal's call. At least what is known now (and I've read at least) is that the gods are far more fond of 'doers' than passive people. They were also less willfully shitty to mortals than the Greek pantheon, though they had their moments. Overall they were a 'part of life' rather than what decides it all, a far more at arm's length kind've presence than abrahamic worship.

Solid chance that if they actually managed to somehow contact Loki or whomever they'd be called a fat nerd, and that's the length of it.
 

fuzzyrodent85

kiwifarms.net
Screenshot_20210218-082514.png
If taking screenshots gets you hexed, I don't want to be blessed.

Screenshot_20210218-083001.png
No, it's actually a gift from Aphrodite. She wants you to eat them. Munch munch.

Screenshot_20210218-084034.pngl
look guys I'm going to be set back a grade8)8)8)8)8)8)8)

Screenshot_20210218-131254.png
What is with these people and having sub par hygiene?

Screenshot_20210218-132718.png
Contracting herpes is a devotional act!

Screenshot_20210218-140124.pngScreenshot_20210218-140131.pngScreenshot_20210218-140137.png
Slather period blood on your boyfriend's penis. It'll cure his lack of a boner.

Screenshot_20210218-140250.png
>I'm only getting stronger and stronger. People should know not to fuck around with a witch.
Screenshot_20210127-220602.png


Screenshot_20210218-154215.png
Even other witches don't like these tumblrite wiccans.

Screenshot_20210218-162740.png
Who else is betting by "meditating" she means she stuck the rose quartz up her vagina?

Screenshot_20210218-190832.pngScreenshot_20210218-190839.png
MY favorite thing about Apollo is all the entertainment he has given me in the form of all his spergy worshippers. @NoReturn do you think Kiwifarms is sacred to Apollo? I mean, he fact that section 230 wasn't passed could be a symbol of his divine grace.

Screenshot_20210218-202845.pngScreenshot_20210218-202852.pngScreenshot_20210218-202858.png
. . .
I'm sorry, did you just say that your aunt wanted your to rape her?!?!?!?!

Screenshot_20210219-090825.pngScreenshot_20210219-090833.png
NO MEANS NO DON'T IGNORE IT! #metoo REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Screenshot_20210219-095659.pngScreenshot_20210219-095706.pngScreenshot_20210219-095712.png
She wants us to ask what her favorite things are, but I think I can guess what song she likes the most:
https://youtu.be/vKNcuTWzTVw

Screenshot_20210219-171849.png
Why does Aphrodite speak only in emojis?

 

EnemyStand

kiwifarms.net
View attachment 1934054
If taking screenshots gets you hexed, I don't want to be blessed.

View attachment 1934072
No, it's actually a gift from Aphrodite. She wants you to eat them. Munch munch.

View attachment 1934122l
look guys I'm going to be set back a grade8)8)8)8)8)8)8)

View attachment 1934125
What is with these people and having sub par hygiene?

View attachment 1934127
Contracting herpes is a devotional act!

View attachment 1934130View attachment 1934133View attachment 1934134
Slather period blood on your boyfriend's penis. It'll cure his lack of a boner.

View attachment 1934137
>I'm only getting stronger and stronger. People should know not to fuck around with a witch.
View attachment 1934143

View attachment 1934147
Even other witches don't like these tumblrite wiccans.

View attachment 1934148
Who else is betting by "meditating" she means she stuck the rose quartz up her vagina?

View attachment 1934157View attachment 1934158
MY favorite thing about Apollo is all the entertainment he has given me in the form of all his spergy worshippers. @NoReturn do you think Kiwifarms is sacred to Apollo? I mean, he fact that section 230 wasn't passed could be a symbol of his divine grace.

View attachment 1934166View attachment 1934168View attachment 1934170
. . .
I'm sorry, did you just say that your aunt wanted your to rape her?!?!?!?!

View attachment 1934175View attachment 1934184
NO MEANS NO DON'T IGNORE IT! #metoo REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

View attachment 1934190View attachment 1934191View attachment 1934192
She wants us to ask what her favorite things are, but I think I can guess what song she likes the most:
https://youtu.be/vKNcuTWzTVw

View attachment 1934206
Why does Aphrodite speak only in emojis?

This absolute lack of knowledge of your supposed religion is making me bash my head against my desk. This isn't your hex working, by the way, it's me trying to make myself literally retarded so I can not care. By the way, St. Peter's going to have a field day with you.
 

Agarathium1066

My sense of balance is busted.
kiwifarms.net
View attachment 1934127
Contracting herpes is a devotional act!
Aphrodite being personified as the Ultra THOT is so laughable, especially since she's utterly ruined the lives of women in the myths for smaller slights. She may be the patron goddess of prostitutes but there were also house gods of bowel movements, just 'cause they exist doesn't mean it's something to be proud of. Making your only value as a woman being the slimmest chance of having sex with someone is disgusting and degrading.

What in the fuck is a SWERF?
 

EnemyStand

kiwifarms.net
Aphrodite being personified as the Ultra THOT is so laughable, especially since she's utterly ruined the lives of women in the myths for smaller slights. She may be the patron goddess of prostitutes but there were also house gods of bowel movements, just 'cause they exist doesn't mean it's something to be proud of. Making your only value as a woman being the slimmest chance of having sex with someone is disgusting and degrading.

What in the fuck is a SWERF?
As I said earlier in this thread, Aphrodite was the Goddess of Mean Girls more than love (which was strictly eros or sexual love) and beauty. Long story short her tenets were fuck like a rabbit, be hot as fuck, and make beautiful works of art (arguably the only side of her that had actual value). As such, her worshippers were typically young ladies looking to snag a husband (and swap to Hestia as their patron once they were domesticated), whores, and artists.

I know he's a fictional character, but Dr. Fucking Steinman from Bioshock was a better worshipper of Aprhodite and he did the same shit these idiots did with his fake conversations with her. Sure, he went off the deep end and started doing some Pablo Picasso shit with women's faces but he tried to hit the three tenets. These women are just fat whores who like the idea of the Goddess of Hotness being their friend. Meanwhile, Jesus is wondering why those poor girls never call because he still likes them for some reason.

God hates witches and hates Christian witches even more.
God doesn't hate, but yeah, you can't be a Christian and a witch. You get what you see here, they fall out of the faith and start living a life of vengeance instead of forgiveness.
 

RazorBackBacon

kiwifarms.net
View attachment 1934054
If taking screenshots gets you hexed, I don't want to be blessed.

View attachment 1934072
No, it's actually a gift from Aphrodite. She wants you to eat them. Munch munch.

View attachment 1934122l
look guys I'm going to be set back a grade8)8)8)8)8)8)8)

View attachment 1934125
What is with these people and having sub par hygiene?

View attachment 1934127
Contracting herpes is a devotional act!

View attachment 1934130View attachment 1934133View attachment 1934134
Slather period blood on your boyfriend's penis. It'll cure his lack of a boner.

View attachment 1934137
>I'm only getting stronger and stronger. People should know not to fuck around with a witch.
View attachment 1934143

View attachment 1934147
Even other witches don't like these tumblrite wiccans.

View attachment 1934148
Who else is betting by "meditating" she means she stuck the rose quartz up her vagina?

View attachment 1934157View attachment 1934158
MY favorite thing about Apollo is all the entertainment he has given me in the form of all his spergy worshippers. @NoReturn do you think Kiwifarms is sacred to Apollo? I mean, he fact that section 230 wasn't passed could be a symbol of his divine grace.

View attachment 1934166View attachment 1934168View attachment 1934170
. . .
I'm sorry, did you just say that your aunt wanted your to rape her?!?!?!?!

View attachment 1934175View attachment 1934184
NO MEANS NO DON'T IGNORE IT! #metoo REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

View attachment 1934190View attachment 1934191View attachment 1934192
She wants us to ask what her favorite things are, but I think I can guess what song she likes the most:
https://youtu.be/vKNcuTWzTVw

View attachment 1934206
Why does Aphrodite speak only in emojis?

"How Hephaestus Handles My Little Space."
That poor god was born ugly, tossed out of Olympus, broke every bone in his body on the way down, got constantly shat on by all the other gods during his life, and then got saddled with an ungrateful bitch of a wife who mercifully started fucking around with Ares. He has suffered enough. Do not make him take part in your weird kink bullshit.

Aphrodite being personified as the Ultra THOT is so laughable, especially since she's utterly ruined the lives of women in the myths for smaller slights. She may be the patron goddess of prostitutes but there were also house gods of bowel movements, just 'cause they exist doesn't mean it's something to be proud of. Making your only value as a woman being the slimmest chance of having sex with someone is disgusting and degrading.

What in the fuck is a SWERF?
Aphrodite IS an Ultra Thot, she's just also the Turbo Bitch variety as well. As @EnemyStand has hinted at, she's pretty much the ultimate Mean Girl.

These bitches also tend to forget that "sex workers" in ancient Greece and Rome were slaves who had no choice in the matter.
 

PuffyGroundCloud

Steak Connoisseur
kiwifarms.net
"How Hephaestus Handles My Little Space."
That poor god was born ugly, tossed out of Olympus, broke every bone in his body on the way down, got constantly shat on by all the other gods during his life, and then got saddled with an ungrateful bitch of a wife who mercifully started fucking around with Ares. He has suffered enough. Do not make him take part in your weird kink bullshit.


Aphrodite IS an Ultra Thot, she's just also the Turbo Bitch variety as well. As @EnemyStand has hinted at, she's pretty much the ultimate Mean Girl.

These bitches also tend to forget that "sex workers" in ancient Greece and Rome were slaves who had no choice in the matter.
Hephaestus is a good boi and did nothing wrong (:_(
 

NoReturn

CEO Wash & Smash llc.
kiwifarms.net
Fuzzy you should xpost these yourself, they're astounding.
What is with these people and having sub par hygiene?
NO MEANS NO DON'T IGNORE IT! #metoo REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
These people are just emotionally stunted adult-children. Half their "gods" are just magical replacement parents they can also fuck. They want someone/something to grant all their wishes, to do things for them, and who will never tell them no, and they think they deserve this because they're spechul.
 
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discombobulate

kiwifarms.net
”temples of my religion were whorehouses” generally isn't a good thing.
It's also factually wrong. Pretty much all of the reports of "temple prostitutes" were from outside-looking-in and bad translations. When you interpret everything in the most salacious light possible then what holy woman isn't a prostitute? It's not that far from "those Ancient Eastern priestesses were married to the gods and bound in ritual marriage through their representatives and we assume they had sex because what's the point of marriage but sex?" to "Catholic nuns are sluts because they're married to God and what's the point of marriage but sex?" The only religion that survived into times well enough that we know their practices included something similar are the devadesi in Hinduism, whose weirder practices are geographically limited and originated in desperation. Ignorant Westerners also ascribe it to miko in Shintoism but it wasn't a religious practice. It turns out that once the government decides they want to control non-state religious activities, those non-sanctioned priestesses who hold no other skills and suddenly have no home might have to sleep around to survive. It's also a damn good story for a prostitute who wants some extra money for the fantasy.

In a nice bit of parallelism, I'm willing to bet that most of these women have to sleep around to survive as they also have no skills.
 

A Sign

YEAAAA BARN
kiwifarms.net
What is with these people and having sub par hygiene?
Because "Washing every day is SUCH a white people thing" said by some black celebrity
Contracting herpes is a devotional act!
"Unless ur a a cis man then DIE! little boys, little girls, and WOMYN sex workers only uwu" "If u don't have sex with me and my rotting genitals u are LITERALLY KILLING ME AND SEXPHOBIC" no bitch your crotch rot is killing you cause you refuse to use the meds given to you.
These bitches also tend to forget that "sex workers" in ancient Greece and Rome were slaves who had no choice in the matter.
And I think young boys were amongst that? but 9/10 troons are "proud MAPS uwu" so ofc they are okay with that.
 

Syaoran Li

White Trash Weeaboo
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
God doesn't hate, but yeah, you can't be a Christian and a witch. You get what you see here, they fall out of the faith and start living a life of vengeance instead of forgiveness.

Rated you disagree for the bolded part

Otherwise, you're spot on the rest of your assessments. "Christian" witches are a paradox if there ever was one.
 
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