Diseased Neo-Pagans / Witches on the Internet / Witchblr - SMT IRL, but with fatties

[leadhanded]

You forgot to make random squiggly lines a sigil of power with lyrics from the Offspring's songs. I have created on myself in support of your emoji spell.

Spoiler: Sigil

View attachment 1378796

Out of curiosity what do you think of those self-identifying Christian witches like the one that just got posted here?

Oh, buddy, do I have something for you;

 

[Moguro Fukuzou]

Very fun thread to read through op, I didn't think this whole witch aesthetic I sometimes saw popping up had legit (using this term loosely) practicers. Knowing the rough makeup of tumblr users., much of it is probably inspired by the several popular witch related shows/movies that many grew up watching. I too greatly enjoyed Sabrina the Teenage witch, mainly because of Salem, but never went through a witch phase.

I'd also attribute shows like Wizards of Waverly Place or the Halloweentown movies as a starting point of interest in witches for those raised on a Disney channel diet, something I know a lot of Tumblr falls into.

 

[Meowthkip]

This image sums up what it's like going into a new thread on this forum, honestly.

 

[BoobWhiskers]

Not tumblr, but I'm sure it's the same general people. A new forum site popped up recently and in a thread entitled 'where my witches at' I came across this (and the whole damn thread of 9+ pages is shit like this, all the 'hangout' threads are people dropping in to brag about how much of a snowflake they are and then never speaking again):




So much for witch or wizard, now there's gender-neutral wxzards! Unfortunately, I regret to inform you this person's age is also listed as 29.

 

[Death Knight Of Mor]

https://youtu.be/j_ekugPKqFw

 

[NoReturn]

Not tumblr, but I'm sure it's the same general people. A new forum site popped up recently and in a thread entitled 'where my witches at' I came across this (and the whole damn thread of 9+ pages is shit like this, all the 'hangout' threads are people dropping in to brag about how much of a snowflake they are and then never speaking again):

View attachment 1444075


So much for witch or wizard, now there's gender-neutral wxzards! Unfortunately, I regret to inform you this person's age is also listed as 29.

WXZARDS? Why is X the designated "queer letter"?

 

[Aaa0aaa0]

WXZARDS? Why is X the designated "queer letter"?

Due to Malcom X changing his name to reflect his lack of knowledge on his family history and culture and to make a statement, I presume. Its also the edgiest letter, so that helps.

 

[RanchRanchLover]

This doll is mentally unstable: https://katiesspiritualadventures.tumblr.com/

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

This doll is mentally unstable: https://katiesspiritualadventures.tumblr.com/

I'm confused. Does she actually have kids and is pregnant or is it imaginary?

 

[Chamulum]

All of those images constantly makes me question why mental institutions have gone out of favor. We clearly need to bring them back, especially for Orc Thot.

Also Frankincense is expensive as fuck and generally used for arthritis, but I guess larping Weeaboo spells is more important. Again, don't these bitches usually yell 'Smash Capitalism' and shit? Yet you always have to spend a ton of money for their made up spells? Actually let me see.

View attachment 1417522
I'm sure you can find these cheaper, but the fact my first search brought this up makes me chuckle a bit. I guess if you can afford this for $50 to do Weeb spells, you can afford all the other useless shit tumblr witches want you to have like quartz and a hivemind personality.

I've gotten mine for a couple bucks. You can also buy frankincense resin for 3-5 dollars. I doubt someone is that dumb to buy incense for 50 bucks. There are better things to buy.

 

[NoReturn]

I'm confused. Does she actually have kids and is pregnant or is it imaginary?

Looks like it's imaginary and the babydaddy is King Arthur.
Or some specific fictional version of the guy. Can someone confirm?

My grumpy astrally pregnant ass still uncomfortable no matter what I do: Fuck
Arthur petting my hair trying to comfort me: I know my love, but remember that’s how you got in this situation.
Me laughing my ass off: I fucking love you.
#astral husband #the once and future husband

Anonymous asked:
Hello, I'm new to your blog and I think I'm astral pregnant, actually it's not planned, I still don't know if I am but I'm having like cramps, mood swings and cravings for fruit and that's the thing, when I'm going to get my period I get chocolate cravings I've never got fruit cravings. Any advice and/or tips? Anything to consider? Thank you

I would firstly consider you relationship with the baby’s over parent. Astral children are work like real children are. Cravings can be a big sign as well . Like when I’m astrally pregnant i always crave dill pickle chips with popcorn. Also depending on the kind of being the other parent is they might have special needs. Like I’m fae spiritually/astrally so some of my children need wing care. Also idk about you but I also always feel massively pregnant when I am despite my size. Feel free to message me with any specifics.

She also apparently believes that she has another historical figure as her ex-husband.

So… I just finished doing a presentation on my ex husband at my work for their history club. What even is my life?

but who could this mysterious "Nathan" be?
Digging a little further we see this reblog:

brassandblue

• while reading nathan hale’s biography I continue to learn wonderful things like:
• he was a really chill dude, thoughtful but not incapable of a sharp quip
• he was a PHYSICAL UNIT who WRESTLED HIS CLASSMATES and no one could beat him
• able to adapt well to Yale life, this nerd worked his butt to the bone
• outspoken and happy to engage in intellectual discussion, other classmates looked up to him (and not just because he was tall)
• and despite his religious upbringing he enjoyed drinking and gambling with good friends

I will post passages from it this weekend

katiesspiritualadventures
Yup lol that’s my fiancé. ❤ I know this isn’t spiritual related just yeah. I’m proud of my baby and wanted to share.

That's right folks. She was in an "astral" relationship with real-life historic figure Nathan Hale; A spy for the US during the revolutionary war who was executed by the British in 1776.
They have four astral children together:

Anonymous asked: Hey, I hope you don't mind me asking... how is your spiritual family now? According to your description, you are still with Nathan, but your latest posts are about Arthur. What happened to Nathan? Did you two divorce?

I don’t mind you asking at all. My life has been just so busy recently with my new job and moving that I haven’t updated things properly. 1. Yes Nathan and I are divorced after he continued to cause the same issues repeated and would not agree to any help or try to make it better. Then after he did several things I refused to forgive and I finally had enough and it was over. So yes I am with Arthur now. 2. Everyone otherwise is good. Arthur is great with the kids and they utterly adore him. And I now have 2 girls, two boys and twins on the way with Arthur. Lydia, Kathleen (from my past life), Ector and Christopher. Then we are thinking of naming the twins Persephone and Nicholas. 3. Kathleen after remembering her proper past life has now aged up to a young adult and is going to do a sort of renewal of vows with my past life husband. 4. Because of the said unforgivable things Nathan did his brother Enoch had taken his place as my spirit guide. And just FYI we are still on good terms with Nathan’s family and Arthur regularly makes sure they can go visit them. Any other questions please feel free to ask.

 

[WinchesterPremium]

Looks like it's imaginary and the babydaddy is King Arthur.
Or some specific fictional version of the guy. Can someone confirm?

We get a picture. Or rather a tictoc video.

Spoiler: Baby daddy

An image search tells me this is King Arthur from "Quest for Camelot", assuming that she isn't just using a random picture for King Arthur. That is my guess at least, there are enough differences that it could be a different source.

If you're going to waifu the dude at least pick his cute anime version....

 

[NoReturn]

We get a picture. Or rather a tictoc video.

Spoiler: Baby daddy

View attachment 1446143

An image search tells me this is King Arthur from "Quest for Camelot", assuming that she isn't just using a random picture for King Arthur. That is my guess at least, there are enough differences that it could be a different source.

If you're going to waifu the dude at least pick his cute anime version....

Spoiler: The virgin Quest for Camelot

vs.

Spoiler: the chad Fate

 

[Meowthkip]

The first panel just sums up everyone covered in this thread so well.

 

[WinchesterPremium]

View attachment 1447202

The first panel just sums up everyone covered in this thread so well.

I just checked out r/witchesvspatriarchy. It apparently has 200k subscribers, but most of the top posts focus on the "Vs patriarchy" plot making them less entertaining .

Spoiler: Spoony Emoji Spell

Witchy PYD tumblr

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Found on witches vs patriarchy

Another gem:

I bet my left asscheek that this didn't happen

 

[Sebben Crudele]

I bet my left asscheek that this didn't happenView attachment 1448195

And that old lady... Was Albert Einstein.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

Found on witches vs patriarchyView attachment 1447829Another gem:View attachment 1448147
I bet my left asscheek that this didn't happenView attachment 1448195

What the Fuck is FARTs and why do libs make everything poo poo pee pee farting

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

 

[Meth Until Death]

Rightio, I'm willing to take a bullet here. Some say that you should not stick your dick in crazy. I say nay, coward, stick your dick in crazy and fuck the crazy out them. What brave and righteous souls amongst you shall take up this holy crusade to turn thy whore into thy housewife?