New email from May 1, 2013 -

[Marvin]

Someone named mormonjesus (who do we know who's mormon??? just sayin... ) dropped this in IRC:

Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness. And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess). Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

But I prattle or digress.

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless.

Sent from my iPhone
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler

Enjoy.

 

[random_pickle]

Someone named mormonjesus dropped this in IRC:

Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness. And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess). Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

But I prattle or digress.

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless.

Sent from my iPhone
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler

Enjoy.

I wonder what Amy has planned for Christard

 

[AtroposHeart]

Are you sure this isn't fake? Torturing a figure representing God just so blasphemous for Chris

 

[Judge Holden]

So chris now admits to wanting to personally torture god because he blames him fr his failures and doesnt get his way in life

Oh chris chan, never ever change

 

[NegaCWC]

I want to post on the CWCki but first I need to know its authenticity. Are you certain that this is real? If so, when was this written? Does the thread's title refers to the day in which it was written or the day in which it was leaked? The way he talks about Bob suggests to me he was alive at the point it was written but then again I can't be sure.

 

[PolterBob]

If this email is TRUE AND HONEST, it looks like our manbaby has fully turned his back on GodBear and is desperate enough to ask Satan for a girlfriend.

And then what will he do when even Beelzebub doesn't deliver? Will he become a Moonie (someone will tell him that the cult will hook him up with an arranged marriage to some female in a mass wedding ceremony. That alone will make Chris want to convert)?

I wonder how Barb feels about having a minion of the Devil in her house? Someone please inform her.

Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life?

Hasn't Rocky ever mentioned anything about the story of Job to Chris?


I know someone who's a pagan priestess, and the very mention of Chris' name gives her the willies. I bet she'll have dry heaves if I told her that Chris is contemplating becoming a pagan. Imagine Chris prancing around all stark nekkid at a pagan ceremony, with his bent pickle sticking out erect as he lust-boners at all the nude females before him, hoping there's gonna be a blood orgy coming up.

 

[cypocraphy]

So like...we have Wicca Chris now?

Also, if Marvin posts it, it's legit.

 

[FreeBitch]

Someone named mormonjesus dropped this in IRC:

Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness. And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess). Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

But I prattle or digress.

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless.

Sent from my iPhone
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler

Enjoy.

I have no fucking clue where he musters the stamina, tenacity and patience to type on a goddamn iphone.

 

[Marvin]

Are you sure this isn't fake? Torturing a figure representing God just so blasphemous for Chris

Nah, it's legit.

I want to post on the CWCki but first I need to know its authenticity. Are you certain that this is real? If so, when was this written? Does the thread's title refers to the day in which it was written or the day in which it was leaked? The way he talks about Bob suggests to me he was alive at the point it was written but then again I can't be sure.

I leaked it today. That's the day it was sent.

I have no fucking clue where he musters the stamina, tenacity and patience to type on a goddamn iphone.

This. It blows my mind. But then again, he wrote that long thing in animal crossing on a gamecube.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Lol. Seriously dude learned NOTHING about Christianity. I am not a follower nor did I learn much going as a kid. But Jesus shit isn't given to you on a silver platter. That's just stupid and unrealistic. Also a lego of God???? That's just weird.

Side Note- Why say you're sending it on the iPhone? Is that automatic?

 

[Judge Holden]

My, my, my. Chris finally turning to the dark side and about to declare war on godjesus him...themself.

All because god has yet to deliver him a brainwashed sex slave, take all trolls, christorians, and other assorted jerks to his personal rapecamp in hell, and force the people of earth to bow down to him

God I hope Chris goes full retard again on this

 

[DJAndyMD]

SMH. He just finds new ways to verify how pathetic he is. Torture or destroy a Lego Minifigure he made in the image of God? Then again, is he referring to God God or what he sees as a god.

 

[BlockyStyle]

Chris's sources of knowledge about Christianity: Borb and tv. And I bet Family Guy accounts for most of that.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

So is this the beginning of a God Quest or something, trying to find the best school of spiritual thought?

I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness.

Yet he has never thought about what heaven, hell, and a fulfilling spiritual life means to himself, just the impressions others lay on him. No surprise.

Also, Chris trying to be PC via "magick" is funny for some reason.

I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it.

It's like Paradise Lost, only stupid.

I admit, I am not perfect.

Except for all those times I am perfect.

But I prattle or digress.

The only truth he's spoken in the last few months.

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless.

Hmm, so he wants to keep his options open at Wesley Mem, after blasting and belittling the pastor, Rocky, the congregation, and God Himself. Also no surprise.

 

[JULAY]

Someone named mormonjesus dropped this in IRC:

Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

Sent from my iPhone
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler

Enjoy.

CHRIS WANTS TO TORTURE AND KILL GOD!

Someone should tell him about the Passion of The Christ... Might give him some ideas. Also, someone should tell him that if he becomes an atheist, it's pretty much the same as killing God. Then, he might parasitically latch on to some atheist group and find a replacement Rocky.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Someone should tell him about the Passion of The Christ... Might give him some ideas.

He doesn't need to watch it; he's already felt the scourge and the crown of thorns on his head.

 

[xlk]

As a Christian, I wonder if Chris can even grasp the concept of God.

 

[Hyperion]

I think Chris watched Bedazzled.

But Chris isn't the only internet famous homosexual to renounce their fabulous ways and convert to a new faith.

 

[homerbeoulve]

Someone named mormonjesus (who do we know who's mormon??? just sayin... ) dropped this in IRC:

Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness. And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess). Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

But I prattle or digress.

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless.

Sent from my iPhone
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler

Enjoy.

Shine on you, crappy diamond.

 

[BillRiley]

Someone named mormonjesus dropped this in IRC:

Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

Gotta wonder what the webpage "Phil" sent him was. Have the Wiccans replaced the Lady with Sonic the Hedgehog?

I like magic(k).

Here Chris imagines Doug Henning leading a church service.

"And now, before the lesson, my amazing Disappearing Jesus trick!"

*applause*

I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness.

Unsurprisingly, Chris appears to not have fully internalized Bob's death yet. We can only hope he didn't wish him into Cwcville like he did to poor Patti.

And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess).

Gonna haveta start a 'Chris and Pantheism' page if this keeps up.

Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life?

Gee, Chris. Maybe God is just sick of you trying to sic him on your imaginary enemies. Hell, I'd have visited you with a plague of pickles by now if you'd kept pestering me about 'da dang dirty trolls.'

I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

Whaaa...? What the...so the first commandment is just something that applies to other x-tians? And he'd torture God in a fit of 'tard rage if he could? Just when I think Chris-Ch­an couldn't get any more bizarre...

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after.

I am eagerly awaiting the inevitable 'Kaka's Wiccan Basics' video.

The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless.

Oh yes. Please do that, Chris. I'd love to see how the new pastor deals with that.

Enjoy.

Thanks, Marvin! This is the funniest thing I've read in months.