New Years Resolutions 2019 (lolcow edition) -

[JambledUpWords]

Write lofty goals your lolcow of choice would want for 2019

Or/and

Write realistic goals for your lolcow of choice for 2019

Example

Amberlynn

Unrealistic

• Lose 350 pounds
• Have no loose skin/joint problems/wrinkles afterwards
• Post revenge pictures on Instagram to try and get Destiny back
• Get Destiny and move to Florida
• Able to eat however she wants and never gain the weight back again
• Everyone finds her pretty and guys start hitting on her more than ever before

Realistic

• Gain 30 pounds or more in January
• Finally hit the 600 pound mark
• Get takeout daily
• Spend $500 per Torrid haul
• Become bedbound
• Have at least one major health scare

 

[Guts Gets Some]

Barb

Realistic: RIP 2019

Chris

Unrealistic: Have to face his own consequences this year

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

Steven Assanti
Unrealistic: get to healthy weight

Realistic:
Begin his transition into Stephanie.

 

[BerriesArnold]

Chantal Sarault/Chantal Show/Foodie Beauty/Chantal Marie/etc...

Unrealistic:
Not lie
Reach the top of Mt Everest in one piece

Realistic:
Lie
Give up at the bus stop across the street from her apt, on the way to Mnt Everest

 

[The Shadow]

MovieBob

-Gas the mayonnaise ghouls
-Ensure a superior future by remaining a virgin

Dan Harmon
-Vasectomy (please God)

Dobson- STOP DOING SEXIST CRAP!

 

[El Porko Fako]

Jake Alley

Unrealistic

• Actually Transition
• Trim xer beard
• Buy that cute blouse
  
• Get a job
• Move out of the basement
• Admits to being Jake Alley and accepting that their identity was indeed discovered

Realistic

• Jack pulling the plug on their godforsaken twitter for being a sociopath
  
• Go for more cry walks
• Leaving the basement to go get tendies.

 

[YourMommasBackstory]

Yanderedev

Unrealistic:

• Make a decent demo and run a kickstarter campaign for his game
• move out from his parents house
• become a decent human being with a good lifestyle

Realistic:

• REEEEEEEE so much E-mails!
• Ask mom for tendies
• Fap on anime lolis

 

[Marco Fucko]

Jerry Peet

Unrealistic

• Admit he's not a real tranny
• Or start transitioning
  
• form a relationship with someone while actually living with them
  
• Stop bitching about Josh Scorcher
  
• Get a real job

Realistic

• Get another E-gf
• Make another spergy, multi hour long rant about children's entertainment
• Make up more stories about being stabbed/robbed/raped/beaten
• Continually bitch about Josh Scorcher and other more notable people

 

[Frank D'arbo]

Pray that I don't halal.