Erwin Rotten
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2018
This makes me imagine the scene like that part in Dennis the Menace when he's feeding the homeless man beans. But what's weird is that I read past this part and don't remember it.So Cora wakes up, and the alien has stolen a random bag of groceries from somewhere. Inside is some brownie mix, a can of Cheez Whiz, a can of corn, a jar of olives, and a jar of pimentos. Because no human being would possibly choose to eat Cheez Whiz, we're treated to a scene in which the alien has to open up the tin so Cora can drink from it like a soda can and stuff her face full of cold canned corn.
What I've noticed in these authortuber books is that they don't know how to give out exposition. They will either stop the story to tell everything or stop the story so that two people have a conversation that's all about the exposition. This is why I say she should have copied Supernatural because that show always has moments where they have to explain the lore and stuff, but the story continues and we retain the tension required to keep the audience invested.The story grinds to a halt as Ampersand dumps information onto Cora about who he is, why he's here, what he wants, etc. This shit is so boring it's hard to pay attention but Ampersand got his ass suddenly dropped on Earth and isn't part of the group of aliens that have been hanging around for several decades but refusing to communicate. Ampersand has been on Earth for about a month but because he's run into Cora and she's willing to help him, boom she's now his 'mediator'. Cora wants to find her family which got kidnapped by the government supposedly.
All she had to do was watch an episode, flick her bean to Dean, and mimic the style after. Boom, done.
It's not that hard, but these people make it seem impossible.
You don't understand. Cora has the power of Mary Sue. That's an amazing ability that everyone loves to see in action. It's tots meta.Then she says this: "My hope is that I can use my ability to communicate with you … as a bargaining chip"
Ffffffffuck it's not an ABILITY this is not a SKILL you just started TALKING to him. The government isn't going to VALUE you because ANYONE can do what you're doing. Ampersand can get anyone to listen to his stupid Microsoft TTS if he wanted.
I always thought she was brown until I read that sentence, and it really puzzled me. Why make Cora a beaner if she's not going to represent the brown people Lindsay thinks is marginalized? Why make her a white woman, who's the oppressor of these marginalized people according to Lindsay? Or is Lindsay the type of progerssive who says "stay in your lane" so she's not able to write about the brown expeirence?She also says this, which is amusing considering state troopers took one look at her and tried to arrest her: "As a young white female of the species, I’m less likely to be looked at with suspicion by others, especially men."
At least that Men in Black thing was foreshadowed in the beginning, so credit where credit is due.I've reached the point where normally I'd stop reading. I'd return this book from wherever I got it, because it's failed to capture my interest. So far Cora thinks her mother and aunt got taken by the Men In Black because they worked for them. Ampersand had mind controlled her and tried to get her to break into a headquarters of Google (seriously) and into a basement but she broke free and....I think decided to steal a van she found in the parking garage that happened to have a sleeping Ampersand in the back? He wakes up, knocks out the state troopers, he explains shit in his beep boop manner.
But yeah, I couldn't believe the Google thing either. And it's not like she makes any political commentary about Google. She just goes "Cora is walking around Google, trying to blend in" and that was about as deep as it went. I wish she made it more like when Plankton was controlling Spongebob, so Cora has her legs stiffly shifting from left to right, which would have made me love the book, but alas, we can't have nice things because Lindsay tried to play this straight and made it gay.
I don't know if anyone else saw the movie Diary of the Dead, where in the end they say this dude is named Micheal, like the archangel, and I could totally see Lindsay dropping something like that on the reader. Something where her mom is like "We named you Cora after my favorite story as a little girl, where Kora was taken by Hades to the underworld. It's just like how we have to live under the radar, you know. In the underworld of southern California."Also the Esperanto shit is explained as government code words so I guess it's not even a connection the audience is meant to figure out. I expect Cora to eventually talk about how she was named after Persephone.
This is the part that made me think Lindsay wrote this book backwards. She wrote the beginning last and the later parts first. Why would she think that aliens can create the ability to communicate with humans hundreds of years ago but then these same aliens who've been in and around Earth for just that long somehow don't realize that they can communicate? This is the "lack of communication" cliche from romance novels, but done as poorly as possible.So there was a group of aliens being held for like 40 years but the aliens never bothered to communicate and there's some "oh shit if only they knew some English they could have understood humans better" but goddamn the aliens willingly ignored 40 years of attempts to communicate while Ampersand banged out his version of Google Translate after barely having contact with humans. I think the aliens studied humans several hundred years ago, including language, and so Ampersand made a translation program that works for all human languages since they're 'so similar' so yeah the book is presenting that it's both very easy to figure out human languages and impossibly hard.
Either that or Ampersand is now a Gary Stu. Or... I don't know what the alien version of it is. Gir Spock?
I would have loved to have some humor in this story, but it seems Linsday either never wrote a funny thing in her life or she removed all charm from this book thanks to the sensitivity readers going "oh, you can't have humor here, because humor is offensive". This is why I have no idea what she took from Invader Zim. At least have Ampersand enjoy a taco.Stepping back a bit, this book sucks because I don't know why I should give a fuck about these characters. Cora wants to find her mom who might be somewhere. Oh, her aunt is free and okay. Ampersand wants to find the aliens that have been sitting on their butts for 40 years and ignoring their Duolingo notifications because he wants to retrieve some 'genome' from X alien group gets it from Y alien group. I don't know what these things are and they don't sound interesting. Ampersand is just boring as fuck. Normally when you have such a serious character that is a fish out of water, you have some funny moments sprinkled in like discovering sugar or hmmm....Cheez Whiz? Just throwing that out there. But Ampersand just explains crap over and over and over, sounds like Microsoft TTS and has the personality of one too.
As for the genome thing, it's a macguffin. I can't remember if it was her or someone else on Channel Awesome who demonized the macguffin, but if it was her, it's damn ironic.
Damn, she put her twitter on private, but The Weekend album "After Hours" was a sort of pop concept album about a star starting from the bottom, going to the top, then entering self-destructive behavior to fall back to the bottom. It's actually interesting to look into since it makes homage to moives like Casino and Uncut Gems, mixed with a psychedelic feel to it. I think Todd could have done it justice, but Lindsay would just reiterate what she found from this article because I noticed Lindsay just copy and pastes things from other websites to make her scripts, like how she did with the explaination of the term "canceled". It was word for word out of the wikipedia page.Don’t remember that Weeknd thing. What was that supposed to be about?
That's exactly what Lindsay fans want, especially 40% of her trans audience.Isn’t Rogue’s thing that she can absorb the powers of those she touches…and potentially kill them while doing so?
Write a character without their race in mind?! I can't believe Lindsay was a diet Nazi back then, according to her current standards. Sure, that's a colorblind liberal take that basically everyone agrees with because racism is not a good thing, but that's totally what a diet Nazi says!A little off topic but I just reuploaded Lindsay's The Craft review and it's interesting to see her stance on writing and casting race, when these days it'd get her cancelled... Again.
Around six minutes in she starts talking about the token black chick who is perfect and flawless, who only has problems because she's black... And 2011 Lindsay calls this a bad thing, especially since the racist girl is openly racist and obviously no one would ever be like that. Also, that you shouldn't write black characters, just write characters without race in mind and just cast whoever you want.
If Linsday knew from current Lindsay, she would know that you're supposed to mention gayness and blackness and everything non-white and non-cis and non-male so that you have more representation for the marginalized groups. And yes, that is actually her position. She went over that with her talk about bi-erasure because apperently it's bad for a bisexual to date or marry as if they are straight, because this removes their bi status, and that reduces the LGBT numbers(trust me, this kind of nonsense is maddening if you follow it), but then Lindsay was like "it's okay for me to do it beause I'm me and I know that I'm still bi."
I also have to rewatch The Craft review because it would be interesting to see how Lindsay reacts to witchcraft and the wiccan themes in it. I'm sure she ignored it all because it wasn't popular on tumblr at that time, but we shall see.