Not Cows - Eccentric Internet individuals that are not cows but are funny to watch

Woke Blue Muttlema

DMs might be open, but your heart is not
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
While I doubt this is a new concept to anyone that has spent long enough on this website and others similar I have reached a little bit of a conundrum I wanted to share with the fair denizens of this shithole. There is a thread for those staring at the abyss of cowdom and there is a thread for those that seem are incapable of becoming one due to their self-awareness. Hence:
If there is a lolcow and an anti-cow, there must be a no cow.
If a lolcow can be determined as an individual that is unable to commit to their endeavours for consistently getting of their own way, the opposite must be an no cow. A no cow, in my not expert opinion, is someone that exudes autism trough their endeavours but has the drive and commitment to do them and allow them to be appreciated on their own over themselves.
Often you realise that lolcows have objectives but trough their own doing blossom into cowdom (ex. Dobson wanted to be a Disney idea guy, got big in Deviantart and allowed his talents to deteriorate) while no cows are able to ride the attention they receive into a dedicated following even if it is ironic.
In my not expert opinion, a legend such as Terry A. Davis could be considered a proto-no cow because his following usually came from a place of respect and fascination down the line. Not to mention that the advent of social media has made more obvious the difference from consumers and creators. Hence the second principle of the no cow.
Lolcows consume. No cows create.
What really separates the geniuses from the rest is the little outliers, and in the age of the Internet there is no bigger outlier than autism both as a barrier and a push to do. Regular cows become content with wasting their existence staring at a screen and avoiding reality in many ways. No cows use the tools they have to create something that can outlive them. One of the key things that makes us sapient is wanting to create a legacy and I think the key factor of a no cow is proceeding with that legacy no matter how out there it might be to us mortals.

With that out of the way I would like to present you my candidates for no cows and invite you to post your own.

1. Tamers12345
But Dr. Muttlema, I hear you say, he has a thread. But, but, he has to be a troll. I can tell you that I don't give a single fuck if he is for real or not because I have been seeing him for a very long time and if there is someone that proves my point is him. For those out of the loop, Tamers12345 is a youtuber that has spent the last nine years uploading AMVs, vlogs and animations of Sonic Underground and he thankfully is just starting to get some attention. Much has been discussed about how he is an obvious troll, since his level of autism is just unbearable, but you just can't fucking produce this kind of content as a joke for almost a decade just because. Tamers' main line of content are his animations that, for the most part, are supposed to be the continuation of Sonic Underground made on MS Paint, GIMP and text-to-speech for the voices. His longest video to date 'Sonic Underground The Movie: Battle with The Boys' last for over an hour and is legit one of the best shit I have ever seen. Over all this time he has managed to get 10k subscribers and many youtubers have made videos on him to capitulate the lore.
YouTube
Twitter
Patreon
itch.io
Lore Wikia
A playlist with the lore videos in order. The second movie is coming soon.
A less complete playlist with only the animations.

2. Lazerbot
But Dr. Muttlema, he also has a thread. A thread that is not even a page long. Lazerbot is the writer and main artist of Tails Gets Trolled, a cornerstone of Internet culture and mentioned by anons as "something you owe yourself yo read at least once". A copyright nightmare featuring classic shounen tropes and self-aware Deviantart humor that grows on you the more you read it with one of the most creative powerups on the Neutrals and some good action composition done in MS Paint. Hardly a new sight for any seasoned veteran.
Deviantart
Facebook
Patreon
Lore Wiki
You can watch up until Episode 8 here officially dubbed.

3. I Chose Hampture
The dream of a self professed mad scientist, The Engineer, to create a utopia for hamsters based on Bioshock's Rapture and Columbia (that came later). The project has been going for a whole decade and has seen major improvements, not without its controversies of course.
Blogspot
YouTube
newproject2
Twitter
Hamcam
Hambunker
Novels The Engineer wrote.
Shit The Engineer has used.
 

Woke Blue Muttlema

DMs might be open, but your heart is not
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
A name that for some reason completely skipped my mind and could be an analogue of the great Terry would be Doug Coulter, a retired government contractor that has dedicated the last couple fo years to create a DIY nuclear reactor on his basement.
A community of people teaching and helping each other create everything but Tesla death rays.
Checking this fella reminded me of the time when Vice had at least readable articles. They were still shit but it was slightly more tolerable.
 

El Sátiro Sordo

kiwifarms.net
For me, I'd say Score PN and The Sphere Hunter.

They're both major Resident Evil spergs and Sphere Hunter is even a troon but aren't really lolcows per se. They make entertaining videos and Score PN in particular seems pretty chill and kinda based.
Sphere used to be a porn cow who had a horrible experience with Christian xxx. It seems he gave her an STD.
I also heard that she used to do webcamming. She was so miserable that, in one occasion, she cried profusely while masturbating until climax for her followers.

I don't say this trying to argue that she is indeed a cow, but to show that it is possible to climb out of the pit.
 
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Syaoran Li

They're Coming To Get You, Barbara!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Sphere used to be a porn cow who had a horrible experience with Christian xxx. It seems he gave her an STD.
I also heard that she used to do webcamming. She was so miserable that, in one occasion, she masturbated until climax while crying profusely for her followers.

I don't say this trying to argue that she is indeed a cow, but to show that it is possible to climb out of the pit.

Yeah, I think the Sphere Hunter's a great example of a redeemed lolcow.

I honestly feel bad for her and her experience with the porn industry. Doesn't Christian XXX have HIV now? I remember there was an article on the Farms that mentioned it.

I honestly hope she didn't get pozzed by him.
 

Woke Blue Muttlema

DMs might be open, but your heart is not
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
It has occurred to me that is the great scheme of things not cows are often, if not most of time, raw creators that have managed to take adversity or a lack of instruction in their fields to create something truly special. Not cows operate on the same boundaries of outsider artists and I am confident most of the greats would be considered that way if the Internet operated when they were alive.
Considering only a handful of the people mentioned as outsider artists are still active/alive such as Justo Gallego (former spaniard monk that has been trying to build a cathedral by himself without permits) or Viper (none of you bitches even smoke crack) that mostly leaves these outsider cows existing online on venues such as YouTube, Deviantart, Tumblr and similars.
One of the greats on my opinion is raysipeladygaga, an elderly man that makes several videos daily parodying pretty much everything while characterized since 2011.
 
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Gaear Grimsrud

kiwifarms.net
Then there's Professor Geek. He's your typical right-wing comic book guy. Bitches about Brie Larson and such.

I can't stand the guy cause he's so goddamn dogmatic about the source material.

Joker isn't exactly like the comic book character, so It's instantly trash, even though I haven't seen it.


The new Batman will be trash, even though I haven't seen it.


It doesn't matter if the Aquaman movie is good or not, cause it's not 100% accurate to the comic book character.


Not exactly a lolcow I guess. Just really humorless and obnoxious.
 
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