Notorious murderers or criminals who are lolcows -

Dave.

We can’t expect god to do all the work
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I want to know some infamous killers or school shooters or notorious criminals who are complete lolcows that are fun to watch whether through interrogation videos or through their media notoriety. I think one example of this, and my personal favorite, is Jodi Arias:
To give you a TL;DW Jodi Arias is a woman who murdered her "ex" as she calls him (though technically they weren't even dating to begin with) because he didn't take her on a vacation trip. The first story after her arrest was she wasn't at his house during his murder. Second story was he was accosted by masked assailants and the reason she didn't say anything was because she was ashamed because she ran off like a coward (even though that contradicts the voicemail she left on her ex's phone). The third story was that he was an abusive boyfriend and she killed him in self-defense and the reason she didn't mention any of this was because she's not good with police and she wanted to protect her ex's character. It's a wild trip and I recommend watching the video and other media footage of her in her element it's pretty funny.

Another one I can think of is Nicolas Cruz:
This is a really long video but some of the content in it is pretty fucking hilarious. He tried to get out of a mass murdering spree by claiming he had demons in his head and the voices were telling him to shoot up a bunch of teenagers in high school. However, this video here paints a different picture.
"You're all going to die pew pew!" Notice the autistic speech impediment.
If you can get past the length of the interrogation he does some pretty wacky shit; he punches himself in the fact, he makes suicide gestures (not before looking at the camera), the voices in his head tell him to get a lawyer, there's a lot of things.
 

LargeChoonger

kiwifarms.net
Not the person herself, but the organization she spawned. Assata Shakur (real name JoAnne Byron) was a black militant and violent felon who escaped prison after being convicted of the killing of Werner Foerster. Enter Assata's Daughters, a loose collection of black women whose insanity can't quite be put into words. Come on, look at this
Screenshot_20210603-191850_Brave.png

Stuff you think you'd only see in an SJW cringe compilation is displayed loud and proud wherever they open their mouths
 

Strange Wilderness

kiwifarms.net
T.J. Lane

Shot up his High School where he was then tried as an adult and plead guilty to get three life sentences. According to Wikipedia:

After entering the courtroom for the sentencing hearing, Lane removed his dress shirt to reveal a white T-shirt which had the word "KILLER" handwritten across the front.[79] He smiled and smirked during the hearing.[79][81] After being sentenced, Lane said to the victims' families and the courtroom, "This hand that pulled the trigger that killed your sons now masturbates to the memory. Fuck all of you," while giving the middle finger to attendees

A couple years later he managed to escape prison but got captured a few hours later.

Anyone who throws their life away to be an asshole in Court for 15 minutes definitely qualifies as a lowcow.
 

Valhalla

kiwifarms.net
Casey Anthony called the cops in Florida recently for water getting spilt on her leg. Got everyone in an up roar that she could call for that, but not for her missing kid. She’s out here going to funerals for officers who have passed away. Apparently the state attorney Dave Aronberg met her for the first time at one for a young man. He said she called out his full name just to say “hi”. He had not met her before that, and was taken aback. He said she has not been living under the radar at all.
 

Steely Dan

Call me Deacon Blues
kiwifarms.net
There's a really good podcast that's fairly new that details funny/lolcow behavior murderers have exhibited called Lil Stinkers:


Highlights include:
>Jeffrey Dahmer's gay escapades; including getting banned from multiple bathhouses and getting sucked off in a library
>Dahmer watching Return of the Jedi and Exorcist III to psyche himself up to kill people
>Charles Manson getting in a money dispute with a fat black pimp
>OJ's entire life post-2009
 

Yet Another Wanker

Burn Heretics at the Stake.
kiwifarms.net
T.J. Lane
Killer T-shirt
My dude you forgot the best part of TJ Lane his cringe teenage angst poem.
In a time long since, a time of repent, The Renaissance. In a quaint lonely town, sits a man with a frown. No job. No family. No crown. His luck had run out. Lost and alone.

The streets were his home. His thoughts would solely consist of "why do we exist?" His only company to confide in was the vermin in the street. He longed for only one thing, the world to bow at his feet.

They too should feel his secret fear. The dismal drear. His pain had made him sincere.

He was better than the rest, all those ones he detests, within their castles, so vain. Selfish and conceited.

They couldn't care less about the peasents [sic] they mistreated. They were in their own world, it was a joyous one too. That castle, she stood just to do all she could to keep the peasents [sic] at bay, not the enemy away.

They had no enemies in their filthy orgy. And in her, the castles every story, was just another chamber of Lucifer's Laboratory. The world is a sandbox for all the wretched sinners.

They simply create what they want and make themselves the winners. But the true winner, he has nothing at all. Enduring the pain of waiting for that castle to fall. Through his good deeds, the rats and the fleas.

He will have for what he pleads, through the eradication of disease. So, to the castle he proceeds, like an ominous breeze through the trees. "Stay back!" The Guards screamed as they were thrown to their knees. "Oh God, have mercy, please!"

The castle, she gasped and then so imprisoned her breath, to the shallow confines of her fragile chest. I'm on the lamb but I ain't no sheep. I am Death. And you have always been the sod. So repulsive and so odd.

You never even deserved the presence of God, and yet, I am here. Around your cradle I plod. Came on foot, without shod. How improper, how rude. However, they shall not mind the mud on my feet if there is blood on your sheet.

Now! Feel death, not just mocking you. Not just stalking you but inside of you. Wriggle and writhe. Feel smaller beneath my might. Seizure in the Pestilence that is my scythe. Die, all of you.​

I'm no English major but just wow. We go from shitty rhymes to teenage angst to utterly banal cliché metaphors.
 
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