[Nov 25] Phil Threatens His Neighbor - Fends off Sexual Assault - Needs Bail Money

break these cuffs

The weak should fear the strong
The first of the month is in a couple days. Phil will have his tugboat by then. But yeah, if his stupid ass did hit his neighbor with the baton, he's going to have alot more to worry about than going to jail. He's probably going to get hit with a assault with a deadly weapon charge, as well as premeditated murder (hopefully) if everything he has been crying about is true. Also, it's nice to see that Phil finally understands that no one likes him, nor has his back. If he does go to jail, I hope the neighbor presses charges, as well as anything else. If Phil is dumb enough to have slingblade post bail, well, he shouldn't have high hopes for that because we all know toren will just take the bail money and buy booze, just like Jim Lahey and Randy Bobandy.
I only wrote that because the title originally had October, haha.
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MuuMuu Bunnylips

But hold on, Phil, I thought you were an internationally-wanted terrorist killing fascists on the streets of Portland? Why would the police arrest you for this, but not any of your many other infinitely more badass crimes? Surely... you weren’t... lying to make yourself feel better about your failed life?
Nah, the communist spiders from Dimension Zeta have hacked his account again.

Alex Krycek

russian bot
I know it differs from state to state but aren't the collapsible batons illegal in some states unless you have a security licence? I know that even in states with lax laws if you hit someone in the head with one, even in self defense you can get an assault charge since it's intended area is like the rips, shoulders, etc.

I mean I doubt he even owns one but just a passing thought.
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break these cuffs

The weak should fear the strong
I know it differs from state to state but aren't the collapsible batons illegal in some states unless you have a security licence? I know that even in states with lax laws if you hit someone in the head with one, even in self defense you can get an assault charge since it's inter area is like the rips, shoulders, etc.

I mean I doubt he even owns one but just a passing thought.
An Oregon lawyer says no. Different states do concealed carry differently and in Oregon it is a Concealed Handgun Permit. It doesn't apply to anything besides handguns. Oregon law states the following:
ORS 166.240 said:
(1) Except as provided in subsection (2) of this section, any person who carries concealed upon the person any knife having a blade that projects or swings into position by force of a spring or by centrifugal force, any dirk, dagger, ice pick, slungshot, metal knuckles, or any similar instrument by the use of which injury could be inflicted upon the person or property of any other person, commits a Class B misdemeanor.

(2) Nothing in subsection (1) of this section applies to any peace officer as defined in ORS 133.005, whose duty it is to serve process or make arrests. Justice courts have concurrent jurisdiction to try any person charged with violating any of the provisions of subsection (1) of this section.
So if Phil went to the dumpster behind the hospital and found enough of his balls to ever actually carry an asp, he's likely committing a crime. Sauce: https://romanolawpc.com/expandable-collapsible-batons-legal-oregon/

Well done you fat sped. I didn't look into Oregon open carry laws, but we all know he'd never do that.


Godmaster Reverend
True & Honest Fan
I actually do think part of this story may have happened. For all Phil is a massive coward, he's also a bully who loves to punch down ("La Migra!"). This neighbour reminds Phil of his father, which may just be Phil doing his "oh no I'm gonna get raped!" act, or it may indicate that the guy is significantly older. If Toren is to be believed, the guy may be schizophrenic, and Toren certainly likes to taunt him. The property management company wanting to wash their hands of the situation may mean that they've basically said "you've got to sort this out yourselves," and Phil, being a tard, took that to mean "we're not going to do anything about this."

Now, Phil seems to be asking for bail money conditionally ("send bail money if I get arrested"), which doesn't sound like the usual e-begging. He also irritably notes that "people need to stop fucking telling me how I should have handled it," which suggests maybe a note of regret. And it seems out of character for Mr All-Cops-Are-Bastards to express fear of the police. In other words, I think for once, he genuinely believes he has done something that puts him at risk of being arrested and he may actually need bail money.

So, my theory is this. There was some argument with the neighbour and Phil decided to threaten an old man with his newest penis substitute. The neighbour threatened to call the police, which Phatty hadn't considered. After violently defecating, he waddled back upstairs and sobbed in terror for an hour before composing a status update that he hoped would express that Izzy Hell was defiant to the last and conveniently leaves out specifics of how the encounter ended. In the meantime, he blubbered to such friends as he has about the incident and they pointed out that it was fucking stupid to threaten a vulnerable man with a dubiously legal weapon.


Identifies as an attack helicopter
It's so fucking hard to tell with Spud since he lives so much in fantasy land. Combine that with his dick chop being a huge flop and him being a boring faggot since then, it's entirely likely he just manufactured this as something to bounce and squeak about. If anything happened I'm guessing the neighbor might have said something directly to him whereas before he kept his comments under his breathe or only gave Phil disgusted looks. At most Phil garbled something incomprehensible and waddled away while trying not to piss himself, :optimistic: I know. Especially about the not pissing himself part.
He just recently imagined the same stupid scenario he loves to fantasize about...the farms planning or being caught in the act of invading fatfucks hovel, and him being a badass saying he kicked/stabbed one of us. He does this shit when he's not getting attention in hopes of someone entertaining his delusions. I like how he's telling people that they should quit telling him how to handle this situation, when the reality is that no one ever retweeted or replied to his post. The more Phil mentions about his neighbor, the worse I feel...for his neighbor that is. Dude must have a shitton of patience to have to continually deal with two delusional idiots who believe they're women, with one going on about him spying on. Phil, and the other one saying he hacked their WiFi. I cant wait til dude straight up socks Phil in his mouth, maybe he will knock his teeth out

Phil had to smoke some pot and pass out on someone's couch after all that excitement.
Phil, you have no friends, and no one to have your unwashed back. Not even toren is your friend. Would be funny though if people did agree to confront Phil's neighbor with him, only to leave Phil all by himself at the doorstep.

Also, it looks like Phil has finally embraced/joined ISIS. Wonder when he's going to become an hero after he miswires his pressure cooker bomb and blows himself up.


Mergin' n' spergin'
True & Honest Fan
Awwwww, did your neighbour tell you to knock it off with the tarding about at all hours, Phil? But I thought you were a tough Antifa Supersoldier, not a fucking jessie who breaks down in tears when the old man downstairs tells you off?

Ps: threatening elderly and infirm people isn't a good look (no matter what bullshit you make up to excuse it). Might wanna knock that shit off, Phil. Your landlords are much more likely to side with the elderly and infirm guy than they are with the screeching fat idiot that's been the cause of numerous complaints since he moved in.

Just stop and take a step back for a minute, dude. Word of serious advice here. The world is not your woke paradise, and your landlords exist to make a profit whether you like it or not. Unless you want to be homeless again, stop pissing off your neighbours (and definitely don't attack them, ffs). You can scream transphobia all you like but it won't keep a roof over your head. Take a reality check. You were homeless for long enough. Don't do this to yourself just to get attention. You're too old to play the homeless queer kid victim, and you won't get another chance of housing anywhere near as easily (and it wasn't 'easily') again. People aren't interested in saving you or paying you any attention at all, no matter how many oppressions you claim. Get a fucking grip and start acting like a competent adult. Keeping your housing should be the number one priority in your life, even if it means giving your neighbour a wide berth. I mean, you can always get a fucking job and then you'll have enough money to rent somewhere else, but far be it for me to suggest such a ridiculous idea.

Cue DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO KIWIFARMS post. Anything for more attention, I suppose. He really is annoyed that the dick flip didn't get him the world cup or something, isn't he?


Your genderfeels is a beetle: a ladybug beetle
True & Honest Fan
Shit did not happen. If Phil had a collapsible baton at all he'd have made videos for us to laugh at.

And at no point did Slingblade complain of someone stalking his car. Indeed I doubt if he still has a car at all.
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