Containment Now that Chris-Chan's story is coming to a conclusion, who/what should be in the movie about his life?

Sprawy Handlowe PPHU

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Nov 24, 2021
Despite being produced as one 72-hour film, the Chandler Saga would be split into three trilogies: an Original Trilogy, a Prequel Trilogy, and a Sequel Trilogy.

Original trilogy: comedy mainly based on Financhu crisis and Sonichu. Ends on the transgender thing starting point.
Prequel trilogy: drama mainly about early ears, birth of Sonichu, y'know "poor kid, let all be fine, ok?"
Sequel trilogy: a fucking horror thriller branch about raping Barb, agressive behavior of Blue Heart and his madness.
 

GENERAL MAO

big big lego mind
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
It is Chris as Neo and the bullet dodging seen is him turning into a girl but awake as Jesus christ the savour while waking up in prison, and as he put his flip flops on he says "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubblegum." as he gets ready to hit the weights and run the division.
 

忠勇真

Loyal Brave True
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Nov 24, 2020
Jonah Hill as Chris.
Betty White as Barb.
Kristen Stewart as Meghan Schrodinger.
John Goodman as Michael Snyder
Shia LaBeouf as the voice of Sonichu.
Seth MacFarlane as vocal talent for the horde of other imaginary friends.
Kristen Schall as vocal talent for female animated characters.
Bryan Cranston as his attorney.
Ryan Reynolds and Seth Rogan as the arresting officers.
Narrated By Phil LaMarr.
Directed by Wes Anderson.
With Michael Bay as director of photography/special effects.
For me, it would be:
Chris Pratt as Chris
Betty White as Barb
Bill Pullman as Bob
Zooey Deschanel as Megan
John Goodman as Michael Snyder
Timothée Chalamet as the voice of Sonichu
Seth MacFarlane as vocal talent for the horde of other imaginary friends
Kristen Schaal as vocal talent for the female imaginary friends
Bryan Cranston as his attorney
Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling as the arresting officers
Mila Kunis as Bella
Directed by Denis Villeneuve
Written and Produced by Denis Villeneuve, David Lynch and Alejandro Jodorowsky
With Wes Anderson as Executive Producer
Filmed entirely in 4:3 35mm and 4:3 IMAX 70mm to preserve the integrity of Denis Villeneuve's creative vision.
Original trilogy: comedy mainly based on Financhu crisis and Sonichu. Ends on the transgender thing starting point.
Prequel trilogy: drama mainly about early ears, birth of Sonichu, y'know "poor kid, let all be fine, ok?"
Sequel trilogy: a fucking horror thriller branch about raping Barb, agressive behavior of Blue Heart and his madness.
This is a good structure for the Chris Chan Saga.
And even if the Sequel Trilogy will end with an insane man raping his mother, we can all agree it would still be better than that other Sequel Trilogy (but I have to admit, at least the eighth film is really great even if the other ones in the trilogy were disappointing).
 

thegooddoctor

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 14, 2015
Nobody because it’s a stupid idea and I doubt people would care enough to make it a success, The story while very strange and unconventional is just too odd, detached and ultimately depressing now for people to me emotionally invested in the misadventures of an the OG Internet lolcow. Even now, Chris isn’t Rain man, and is more or less completely unlikable and an unsympathetic protagonist, which is another huge detriment against making a movie about his life experiences.
 

GENERAL MAO

big big lego mind
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Nobody because it’s a stupid idea and I doubt people would care enough to make it a success, The story while very strange and unconventional is just too odd, detached and ultimately depressing now for people to me emotionally invested in the misadventures of an the OG Internet lolcow. Even now, Chris isn’t Rain man, and is more or less completely unlikable and an unsympathetic protagonist, which is another huge detriment against making a movie about his life experiences.
you lose faith, Chris has never let us down do not doubt him in his darkest hours, he will not fail us... he is built different failure is not an option.
 

Undersideofcwcspillow

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 16, 2021
Nobody because it’s a stupid idea and I doubt people would care enough to make it a success, The story while very strange and unconventional is just too odd, detached and ultimately depressing now for people to me emotionally invested in the misadventures of an the OG Internet lolcow. Even now, Chris isn’t Rain man, and is more or less completely unlikable and an unsympathetic protagonist, which is another huge detriment against making a movie about his life experiences.
People also keep acting like chris's entire life can be adapted into a film, when really just a few days in his life is enough to fill up 2 hours.

Also, like you said, a general moviegoing audience would give 0 fucks about chris. A movie that's nothing but memes and references to obscure shit would be horrible.

The best thing to do would be a broad strokes film that uses a lot of chris's behavior and personality but makes it accessible to the average viewer.
 

忠勇真

Loyal Brave True
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Nov 24, 2020
Assuming they are into the Chris Chan Saga, Denis Villeneuve should work with David Lynch and Alejandro Jodorowsky to adapt the entire saga as a nine-part epic with each part being around 8 hours long, all produced as one three-week long film divided and released in nine instalments in nine years. Despite being produced as one 72-hour film, the Chandler Saga would be split into three trilogies: an Original Trilogy, a Prequel Trilogy, and a Sequel Trilogy.

The films would be released in 2-3 hour cuts on standard cinemas as a Standard Edition with the full 8-hour Special Editions being released exclusively in IMAX. The 8-hour Special Editions would also have intermissions every two hours with each quarter of the film having its own episode title of sorts.

Villeneuve would capture the grandiose epic feeling of the Chris Chan Saga while Lynch and Jodorowsky would bring in the weirdness and creepiness.

It should be told as an unbiased, yet cautionary retelling of the entire Chris Chan Saga, down to the most minute details.

And the Chris Chan Cinematic Universe can be expanded with spinoff TV shows or movies based on Sockness, Bella and many more, as well as an Adult Swim cartoon adaptation of Sonichu, taken directly from the films as they would also adapt the Sonichu Saga in poor animation true to the artistic "genius" of Chris Chan.

The Sonichu animation and the VFX would all be done in the Philippines, with MS Paint animation and 16-bit VFX similar to GMA Network's Daig Kayo ng Lola Ko. With the VFX and animation keeping the iconic cheapness and crappiness of Daig Kayo ng Lola Ko; a show that airs on national TV with even worse production values than most random unknown YouTubers, with animation worse than 12 oz. Mouse and CGI worse than Sega Genesis graphics.
No, it isn't some random schmuck making YouTube shitposts or some random public access TV show, it's a major network TV show with big-name celebrities attached, yet it looks worse than random shitposts on YouTube, to the point that they unironically use MS Paint and Comic Sans, as well as the CLANG from Berserk (2016).

I do not know who should star in this saga but it will be the ultimate epic known to cinema. And it would also be some of the longest films to be released in mainstream cinemas, as well as the longest film split into multiple parts. For the 10th Anniversary, the films would get re-released in an omnibus cut that shows the Special Editions of each film back-to-back in chronological order in the span of 3 full days.

After the home video release of the films, they would also be available on streaming as a TV series with each season covering one movie in four episodes that are two hours each (covering the eight hours of the Special Editions). These four episodes combined would actually still be longer than WandaVision, which is just 10 minutes short of being 6 hours long, and it's 9 episodes; it would still take more time to marathon an entire season of New Girl, though, comparing to another show on Disney+.
These Special Series Editions may be the only feasible way to release the Special Editions while not sacrificing the quality too much, with each disc containing an episode of the series.
The Blu-rays will have both the standard theatrical film and extended TV series versions.
Scratch making the Special Editions 8 hours long, they should be 12 hours long with an intermission every three hours. And yes, this would mean the Special Series Editions would have three-hour long episodes.
This would total each trilogy being 36 hours long (one-and-a-half days long) while the entire Chris Chan Saga would be 108 hours long (four-and-a-half days long).

For the record, 12 hours was an estimated runtime for Alejandro Jodorowsky's version of Dune due to the massive length of the script and storyboards.
Also, The Lord of the Rings: The Motion Picture Trilogy combines is about 12 hours long in its Extended Edition.
 
Last edited:

Michael Janke

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 18, 2021
a documentary wouldn't work.
maybe a docuseries like Tiger King might work better because the liquid chris saga by itself could its own episode.
i want David Cross as Cole Smithy
 

DiscoRodeo

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 10, 2020
Tim Dillon as Chris Chan, Ellen Page as Elliot Page as Sonichu, Harry Styles as Liquid Chris
 

Shibaru

Martinis, Girls and Guns.
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 11, 2018
Would it be kinda fucked up if we got Arnold Schwarzenegger to play Liquid Chris?
 

Justin d Tipp

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 6, 2021
For me, it would be:
Chris Pratt as Chris
Betty White as Barb
Bill Pullman as Bob
Zooey Deschanel as Megan
John Goodman as Michael Snyder
Timothée Chalamet as the voice of Sonichu
Seth MacFarlane as vocal talent for the horde of other imaginary friends
Kristen Schaal as vocal talent for the female imaginary friends
Bryan Cranston as his attorney
Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling as the arresting officers
Mila Kunis as Bella
Directed by Denis Villeneuve
Written and Produced by Denis Villeneuve, David Lynch and Alejandro Jodorowsky
With Wes Anderson as Executive Producer
Filmed entirely in 4:3 35mm and 4:3 IMAX 70mm to preserve the integrity of Denis Villeneuve's creative vision.

This is a good structure for the Chris Chan Saga.
And even if the Sequel Trilogy will end with an insane man raping his mother, we can all agree it would still be better than that other Sequel Trilogy (but I have to admit, at least the eighth film is really great even if the other ones in the trilogy were disappointing).
Chris Pratt is a bit too action centric. (To me, he's like the contemporary version of Harrison Ford. Guardians of the Galaxy=Starwars, Jurassic park=Indiana Jones) Honestly, I'm not sure Hill is the right answer either. CWC is going to be difficult to cast... Someone threw out the idea of Paul Giamati earlier.

I agree with your change to Zooey Deschanel and addition of Mila Kunis

Timothy Chalamet would be interesting,
I was thinking Shia for the over the top intensity...we are talking about a combination of a Sound barrier breaking hedgehog, with an electric mouse that can summon lightning.

Not sure of the licencing rights, but we could see about using Ben Schwartz as the voice of Sonichu.... Just to give it some dimensional merge canon.

I'm sure since he's been in custody, he's been court ordered talk to a shrink. So maybe casting someone like, Gary Busey or Steve Buscemi as the state psychiatrist.
 

Frank D'arbo

LET'S HAVE A TOAST TO THE GIRL IN AISLE 10!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 30, 2018
The only two that could make it work would be John Waters or Todd Solondz.

Cronenberg.
Only if we include the Jullay shit because chris without his shirt on is definitely body horror.
 

NashSuvorov

One minute can decide the outcome of a troll.
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 20, 2021
Jesse Plemons as CWC, Michael Bowen as Bob and Barb is a mentioned-only character or played by Anna Gunn.
 

Juan But Not Forgotten

Friendly mexican ghost
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 7, 2017
It's not really coming to a conclusion till he gets a real sentence, not some probation bullshit. But Maggie Gyllenhaal should totally play Megan
 

忠勇真

Loyal Brave True
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Nov 24, 2020
The only two that could make it work would be John Waters or Todd Solondz.


Only if we include the Jullay shit because chris without his shirt on is definitely body horror.
Another good option would be Chloe Zhao.
The Chris Chan Saga would have to be an arthouse epic with blockbuster elements and an ensemble cast.
It would still have tons of comedy, given the subject matter, and even some horror, but the films would be an arthouse period drama spanning generations.

Chloe Zhao has proven that she can make a great blend between arthouse and blockbuster elements with comic relief, with Eternals being a really amazing if divisive film.

And if 12 hours per film is too long, it would have to be six hours per film, with an intermission in the 3-hour mark and each film being released in a TV series format with one hour per episode and six episodes per film, where one season would cover one film.

Chris Pratt is a bit too action centric. (To me, he's like the contemporary version of Harrison Ford. Guardians of the Galaxy=Starwars, Jurassic park=Indiana Jones) Honestly, I'm not sure Hill is the right answer either. CWC is going to be difficult to cast... Someone threw out the idea of Paul Giamati earlier.

I agree with your change to Zooey Deschanel and addition of Mila Kunis

Timothy Chalamet would be interesting,
I was thinking Shia for the over the top intensity...we are talking about a combination of a Sound barrier breaking hedgehog, with an electric mouse that can summon lightning.

Not sure of the licencing rights, but we could see about using Ben Schwartz as the voice of Sonichu.... Just to give it some dimensional merge canon.

I'm sure since he's been in custody, he's been court ordered talk to a shrink. So maybe casting someone like, Gary Busey or Steve Buscemi as the state psychiatrist.
Benedict Cumberbatch as the state psychiatrist would be good.

The film's score would have to be done by Hans Zimmer.