Obscure Laughingstocks -

SamSalamander34

Bad speller uses no punctuation ever so fuck off
kiwifarms.net
Both are myths. Circumcision reduces sensitivity of the penis and has no positive affects. The only real advantage is that it's easier to keep clean with no foreskin, but really any guy that bathes once a week wont have that problem for their entire life.
The only sure this is anteaters look gross I would rather a smooth penis with no for-skin cheeze ( I’m a girl)
View attachment 1063845
I don't even know how I'm supposed to react to this one.
I love that for her she looks so fun and interesting
 
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Derpfactor5

kiwifarms.net
Well, I was going to finish up a podcast episode on Santa, but, I think I'll do this instead. Hey BB, long time huh? Anyways, I randomly did a search my myself for the fun of it, and yes, I am Morgan James Gavin, and... well... Kinda disappointed in your lack of detail here man, I mean, really. Had I the mindset still I'd've done a deeper dive and found every detail. So, let's dig through the post and do some fact checking.

Not a regular user of Kiwi Farms so I was trying to make a thread for this guy, but this will do.

Bluebonnet:
So there's a few obscure lolcows I've encountered that only I and like 20 people I know have clowned on.
One of these is this guy named Morgan James Gavin. I've talked to him a few times, but he's not as online anymore as he used to be. I think he started getting attention when Keemstar and a few others were jokingly claiming Morgan's face was ColossalIsCrazy's.

Reply:
I'm not as online as I used to be because I got a job at Amazon after coming back from Great Lakes Recruit Training Camp, I was separated because I caught pneumonia and fell behind in training. To be honest, I don't think I was ever really famous, just a joke to be passed around every once in a while, but I'm over that. And yeah, that was fun while it lasted, the internet fame.


Bluebonnet:
I'm pretty sure this guy has mental problems, so I do feel somewhat bad when I make fun of him, but I must admit, the guy is just too hilarious.

Reply:
I do not have mental problems, but hey, outsider perception forms reality, so whatever floats your boat.

BlueBonnet:
He has two youtube channels, one he no longer uses: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUMSNNrL2288WXWO83YWJcA and one he still uploads to regularly: https://www.youtube.com/user/Getsutomo

Reply:
I actually have around five to six different channels... Here's a list:
1. D3A Raps
2. Test Channel
3. Morgan's vid Archive
4. Mojadoga
5. FuckingCrazyBastard

Sooooo... five. That last one I can't seem to access anymore. Le sigh.

BlueBonnet:
He also has a twitter where he used to @ Markiplier and Donald Trump as if they'd notice: https://twitter.com/MorganJGavin

Reply:
Again, two or three accounts, one for a gaming clan called Za, which went nowhere, and the previously mentioned one.

BlueBonnet:
He also fancies himself a musician and author. His books.
My favorite has to be "Messages to a really bad President", where he writes a few messages to Trump. I suggest reading the amazon preview of it, just so you can get a taste for the type of guy this is.

Reply:
Which I am, if you're going to reference one of the books, then mention all of them, again, lazy detective work. Also, that was written years ago back when I had the time to be ridiculously angry about everything. People do change over time, you know? I'm not the same person I was back in the day.

BlueBonnet:
As far as I know he has 2 nicknames, Dr3Arms and the Gavinator.

Reply:
Correction, I've got a few different ones: Dr. 3 Arms, Gavinator, Getsutomo, Mojadoga, and some others, meh, good times.


Blue Bonnet:
Suspiciously, a few of his books has positive reviews by Dr3Arms
Wonder who that is?
View attachment 1033139
View attachment 1033143

Reply:
Yeah, those were written back when I cared about other people's thoughts on my works. I've got better things to do, and yeah, I get the irony of this.

BlueBonnet:
He also has a Medium where he usually talks about Trump even more: https://medium.com/@MorganGavin_51298 . One of my favorites has to be "Hello, Presidick of the Divided States!"
His Medium articles are written as if directed to Trump, as if he'd read them.View attachment 1033154

Reply:
Again, don't post there anymore. I've got a blog: www.morgansmindcicles.com, and much to your surprise, I focus on things other than trump. Hooray! Progress.

BlueBonnet:
He also sold an album, one which included a song about working at a drive thru, however I don't have access to that album or the music, so here's some of his other music:

Reply:
Good god you're bad at linking things aren't you? The Album's called "Rise of the Three Arms" and it's not my best work, but I've got plenty of material and I'll eventually release a few other albums. I think I've got maybe 50 or so tracks recorded?

BlueBonnet:
Guess I'll just leave this post with some haha images.
View attachment 1033169
Reply:
WTF did this come from? Oh, twitter at one point or another.

BlueBonnet:
View attachment 1033174
Reply:
Wolfy... Whinny? God I don't remember her name at all. But, weirdly enough, this is one of the most circulated images of me out there. And nope, that's not photoshopped.

BlueBonnet:
View attachment 1033175
Reply:
Random selfie, I was curious about my neck for some reason.

BlueBonnet:
View attachment 1033178
Reply:
Ah, this! Well, for a few year my team and I would take part in the Relay for Life down in Hesperia, it's a 24 hour marathon/walk a thon fundraiser for cancer research, all for a good cause. Anyways, I think it might've been in 2009/2010 they held the Miss Relay competition, in which all teams would nominate a male member to dress up and go around the track and collect funds. Apparently, I fit the bill that year, and on the dress and wig went! I think I collected something like $500 for my team, again, cancer research, fundraising through the American Cancer Society, awesome foundation.

BlueBonnet:
View attachment 1033177
Overall, don't have as much stuff saved as I wish I did, but I hope this post leads to other people taking interest in this little freak.
Trust me my dude, I doubt anyone here's going to take any interest in me whatsoever, and for the most part, I'm very thankful that I'm simply irrelevant according to the internet, Any fame I've gathered have been a massive pain in my ass, which given every bit of stress you and your friends have put me through while trying to just build something of inherent value, made it almost completely impossible. I don't expect that anyone here's going to take pity on me, and I just don't care anymore about words on a screen, I really don't. You also missed citing my vine, tiktok, instagram, and a few other things, but outside of that, I've got a few final thoughts:
Looking back, I wish I knew then what I know now, and maybe that might've presented a different view point in my interactions with you. I know that, given your membership here, your perception of me won't change, and I don't expect it to.
I forgive you for everything you've tried to set out to do, and I'm fully aware that outside of acting a bit off from time to time, I haven't done anything that warrants your dislike of how I lived my life. After all, people will often try to tear down others because of jealousy of something or other. I honestly don't see what I've done with my life that warrants the kind of treatment I've received.
But hey, this is Kiwifarms, y'all would laugh at a dying man if it meant you'd be accepted.
 

Jewish Porn Hoe

kiwifarms.net
Richard Kulisz

Mostly inactive nowadays but I stumbled on this guy a few years ago.
Short version: The guy was some Loonix freetard with Stalinist politics, tons of genocidal fantasies and colossal hateboner for Eliezer Yudkowsky (the LessWrong guy). Went dark for a long time and if you plug his name into Google you can see he had private cow watcher club at one point.

And according to someone posting /cow/ he turned up again in the train watcher community because if one thing never changes it's fucking autism and it's attraction to trains.
 
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Man vs persistent rat

A good egg is a nice person
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Somebody I forgot about just posted a video and reminded me of his existence. DemoniusX is a Wings-style lifewreck who aspires to be the realist, edgiest dude in the world. His channel has been around forever, and has tried to ride the atheist, then anti-SJW waves for a while but with no real success and just a few people like me laughing at him.

In his latest video he reveals he got gout in his leg (very KF-friendly), and his trailer trash wife had to have her toes amputated, presumably from the 'beetus. I'd probably recommend this older video to start out on him, despite its 2018 date, it's a deep cut of olden-style self-righteous YT ranting:

 
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Pissmaster

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Somebody I forgot about just posted a video and reminded me of his existence. DemoniusX is a Wings-style lifewreck who aspires to be the realist, edgiest dude in the world. His channel has been around forever, and has tried to ride the atheist, then anti-SJW waves for a while but with no real success and just a few people like me laughing at him.

In his latest video he reveals he got gout in his leg (very KF-friendly), and his trailer trash wife had to have her toes amputated, presumably from the 'beetus. I'd probably recommend this older video to start out on him, despite its 2018 date, it's a deep cut of olden-style self-righteous YT ranting:

I feel like I've heard that name more than once, but never knew who he was. Hrm.
 

Man vs persistent rat

A good egg is a nice person
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I feel like I've heard that name more than once, but never knew who he was. Hrm.
He has a crazy amalgamation of traits enjoyed in other cows - the smugness of Dusty, the self-abuse of WARDAWG, the dumpster philosophy of King Cobra, I wouldn't be surprised if he seems familiar even if he's not, although he is ridiculous enough to have probably been linked around. I don't think he has a dedicated following but may be wrong.

Come to think of it, he looks a little like one of the guys in Rental Reviews too.
 

BlueBonnet

Fat
kiwifarms.net
Well, I was going to finish up a podcast episode on Santa, but, I think I'll do this instead. Hey BB, long time huh? Anyways, I randomly did a search my myself for the fun of it, and yes, I am Morgan James Gavin, and... well... Kinda disappointed in your lack of detail here man, I mean, really. Had I the mindset still I'd've done a deeper dive and found every detail. So, let's dig through the post and do some fact checking.
Don't know who tf BB is so I'm pretty sure you don't even know who I am

Edit: Damn I'm retarded, just realized BB is BlueBonnet
 
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Fanatical Pragmatist

kiwifarms.net
Deian Harak Salazar/Eternal Lotharia/Realjacobsalaz1/(a.k.a. "The CaoKaiser"): Self-described autistic, cousin-fucking, major case of TDS, erased from Nationstates, running for political office, believes himself the descendant of Cao Cao

www.nationstates.net is hot mess and breeding ground for exceptional individuals (even the moderation can be lolcows: Lol Reppy has a thread here) Pretending to run your own nation over forums can be entertaining when your sitting at a boring desk job on night shift or casual use on weekends, but something about this set up leads people to believe they are actual political/tactical geniuses in any capacity. As with any site on the internet, sometimes people disclose personal details. Sometimes those details arent pretty. Other times, bad behavior can get someone "Delete on Sight" (DOS), basically permabanned from the site.
But sometimes someone reveals personal details that are so bad they get their entire existence scrubbed from the site:
Ego Search for Deian Salazar

As you can see, Deian has had his nation (aptly named for his IRL legal name) completely scrubbed (by moderation, against his will). An egosearch for the nation "Eternal Lotharia" also brings up a similar result (even better with recent references to the incest-rape allegations & DOS). What could be so bad that they would scrub him for it?
Probably cousin-fucking:
Cao_Kaiser_01.jpg

Admitting to incestful relations with his cousin
Cao_Kaiser_02.jpg

Still sexually attracted to his cousin

Now, I don't have the screens to prove it so it didn't happen, but unofficially the sexual encounter with his younger cousin that he bragged about was not consensual.
What we *dont* know is also that it was reportedly in her bum. I am working to find if anyone has the original or even a ghost screenshot of this confession. HOWEVER; the fact that 1) his mega-DOS came right after being accused of raping his cousin 2) the fact he was scrubbed to a degree not even gifted to the most heinous of rule breakers should provide some suspicion of plausibility that yes, in fact he did rape his cousin.

(Also not the top 2 are both e-girls, 1 who is rumored to be a troon but I can't confirm)
He is colloquially known amongst his anti-fans and people who laugh at him/pity him as the the "Cao-Kaiser" due to his obsession with ancient China and Prussia. It also got quickly morphed into the "Cao-CousinFucker" for reasons mentioned above and "Cao-Cuck" for a dramatic e-girl saga (which I'm working to get some discord screens of). It all originated from this gem of a claim:

WE WUZ CHINEZE WARLAWRDS N SHIET!!!
Cao_Kaiser_06_descendant.jpg

>can trace his lineage back to ancient Egyptian Pharaoh Chinese Warlord
>doesn't know who is own father is

Why should we care about some twat who got BTFO'd from a gooberish corner of the internet that no one cares about?
Because this cousin-fucker is running for office:

CrowdPac: https://www.crowdpac.com/campaigns/391369/deian-salazar
Archived: https://archive.ph/H62XX
Another, less lulzy page:

It seems the special election has already passed, and it doesn't appear he got elected but I doubt his ambitions are over.

Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/user/Deiansalazar/ (mostly abandoned but more portland city council silliness)
Archive: https://archive.ph/gwSkQ

His Twitter page recently came back online following his complete erasure/BTFO'ing from Nationstates. Its full of novice-tier TDS (suddenly he acknowledges his Mexican heritage), but also some spicy Tulsi Derangement Syndrome too:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/realjacobsalaz1
Archive: https://archive.ph/kxg6T

Unruly Applebees Assistant-Manager shot:
etv3rergjoopkh52zptl.jpg
Most recent pic:
5IlSOz-G_400x400.jpg

"Gibsmedat ass, cus!"

Now I still have a lot of homework to do securing screencaps for this guy, but I figured he's worth a shout-out on KiwiFarms.
Maybe one day if he keeps in the public spotlight he will earn his own thread...
 
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behavioral swamp thang

poz load my neg hole zaddy uwu
kiwifarms.net
One of my favorites is a popularish (90k followers) tiktok'r named devil.is.burton. He used to go by the name devilseam. He middle aged ex military nu metal loser who lives in St. Louis. (niche - I wonder if he attends metal brunch at The Crow's Nest lol.)

I find him fascinting because
1) he is an ancient man extremely active on tiktok
2) he actively responds to hate, and goes as far as making fake accounts to spread the good word of his name lol
3) His most famous tiktok is a sound bite of him talking about being BDSM dom and telling the viewer what he would do to them. Mind you, this is an app primarily used by children. He never stops talking about BDSM and does duets (where two users make a clip together) with underage girls. I have entered his live chats numerous times, which consist of him directing absolutely anything to BDSM. Dude is cray.
4) Also, he's overweight and makes shit dancing videos. Plus, he is nice to watch because he is a techie and has nice equipment. Everything he makes is overly produced and HD.

^ Sorry if this is the wrong thread because technically tiktok is the internet. I have no idea I'm a newfag as y'all would say
 

JY's Tampon

kiwifarms.net
I saw Null retweet this. Not sure where to post this but....
Gay anti Brexit socialist Tweets his suicide note:
Screen Shot 2020-01-17 at 8.49.32 AM.png

Attention seeking success. Police found him and he's fine.
Screen Shot 2020-01-17 at 8.57.20 AM.png

 

UnimportantFarmer

kiwifarms.net
I saw Null retweet this. Not sure where to post this but....
Gay anti Brexit socialist Tweets his suicide note:
View attachment 1102309
Attention seeking success. Police found him and he's fine.
View attachment 1102311
Hopefully he'll be required to undertake a programme of treatment. The old style socialists loathed the European Community as a racket for the benefit of big business (in part correctly, in reality it's like Nicholas Ridley said, a German racket). The new style sort who call themselves socialists really are degenerate weirdos who support a sequence of exceptional identity politics causes. It is an obvious thing to say, but this 'Gav seems a perfect specimen of that. In times past, he'd just be an annoyance to his poor mother.
 

NIGGER ASS PEE POOPY RAPE

kill authoritarians
kiwifarms.net
outpsycho (Chris Carta), an aspiring rapper with 3 subscribers smearing his shit all over public restrooms in the name of the Insane Clown Posse:
there's plenty more videos of him committing crimes while doxing himself on his channel (some of them NSFW).

quotes from his and/or his friend's genius.com account:
"his is a fake profile thats made either by the pedo looking weirdo from norway or the ugly orphan useless with no parents, hiding in his bedroom trolling others and doin nothin but that cause he know there’s no future, hes a total waste of shit and turd, his goblin face looks like damn right fag sac?, crossedeyedsac pelase go die in a hole and and experience every form of horrific torture organizing pain infinite times |
Keep my dick up your faces , keep spending time on me ;‘( hahahahahaa p.S u fucks dicks cause all u do,,, hey fageyedsac meet outside so i will bash your face and fracture your skulls into particles,,,,u fuckin loser, who never made a single song just whinin and jealous, Isac hope u suffer and die horribly !"

"literally, ur a wanna satanist, and im sure satan wound;t want some ugly useless loser like you idiot , so go and in the room n hide in the dark bash your skull all over the computers equipment maybe ud spill some artery so we can all laugh hysterically at your death , i would even invite…..anyone basically,,,because ur a poor mens version Circus that’s full of deformed creatures like nutsac crysac diesac and suffer in torment and hell, Hail Azazel"

his friend:

not sure if this is worth resurrecting the juggalo thread
 

FriendlyManbaby

kiwifarms.net
I don't even know if this dude qualifies as even lolcow adjacent but I find him too fascinatingly bizarre not to tell someone about-

He goes by "wilbcazer", and I bumped into him playing Yugioh online- apparently he views the use of cards which are designed to be used together(IE archetypes) as a sign of weakness in and of itself. He describes people who uses such cards as "users" and himself as a "true duelist" which is weird enough, but from what I can tell he's been behaving like this for five years- he's got a facebook group and organization page he's been updating since early 2018, and I've found posts on blogs from 2015 where he tries to convince people to play some weird variant he's created that will encourage people to be "original". The most interesting thing to me is a post on the facebook group, because it hits on a lot of the points from his rant he gave me earlier, telling me this is a hard and fast belief, but despite despising everything about how yugioh is played... he's still here, playing yugioh, just going on weird rants and posting videos on youtube showing off his (rare) wins against people running decks that weren't made with a pathological need to not run two cards that have synergy.

1579578016825.png


You can see his weird obsession with being a "true duelist" and not a "user" all over the place. I might keep an eye on him, but he seems too "stable" in his bizarre behaviour to be worth keeping track of. Doesn't even have a twitter, so no plumbing that for additional nuggets. Just this weird obsessive yugioh fan, posting videos on youtube every so often, rants and updates to facebook, and near as I can tell, receiving almost no feedback. Facebook group has 27 likes and 30 members, youtube account has around twenty subscribers, it's like a glimpse of a weird, profoundly tismy ingroup he's set out to create.