Opening a 90's Time Capsule *Nostalgic* - 7/22/19

Whale Lake 2

Your Favourite Tchaikowski Ballet
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While Amber was born in the 90's, this box is not for her. She is too young to remember a lot of this shit. Since I am an 80's boomer, I had more nostalgia than she did. The fact that she didn't even recognize the Windows 95 solitaire icon was all I needed to see. By the time she started to meaningfully use a PC, it was probably operating Windows ME or later.

So 90's gorl.
Bold of you to assume she ever started to meaningfully use a PC: remember her 1k+ dollars Netflix machine?
 

Bookish

kiwifarms.net
Yikes @ the anachronisms. We would've said, 'swagger', still back then, not swag. This is cute, but doesn't interest me in the slightest from someone born in 1990. It would've been a tad more interesting from an 80s baby, who was really going through their adolescence at that time..instead of being a very young kid most of it. I'l check out the vid when a palatable reviewer posts on it - I think just about everyone would've preferred a meal plan update and a weigh in.
 

EvaBraunsGhost

I was like - whuuuuut???
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View attachment 853374

I can never get my head round how utterly ball-achingly *stupid* this lump is...$25 for that tiny pile of junk?‽
Decluttereeen' out the window then!

She really is a retailers dream... throw $5 worth of yard-sale stuff in a box, give it a snappy name and our gorl is 'liveeen'

Is she really that dumb that she thinks this is actual 90's stuff?‽ 🤔
 

Tammy Larsen

Tube turkey panic attack
kiwifarms.net
Is she in a hotel bathroom? That doesnt look like E&R bathroom and why would the rest of her house not have good lighting?

Wait is our gorl on vacation?! target and cheescake factory to go yas gorl!
I think you’re right, this is very reminiscent of the manic motel room target haul from last year with the tic tac aggression. She’s also mentioned a few times that they don’t have a target where they live.
 

Guardsman42

kiwifarms.net
Well we can rule out a hospital bathroom I think. <It crossed my mind>

But it definitely has a hotel bathroom look and standardization. To be honest; outside of a giant stack of mattresses, nothing else can hold her weight but possibly, a toliet. It is likely they rented a handicapped room at a decent hotel because nothing else accomodates her.


What's tat white thing behind her? That bitch is not in that house. There is no way. In some homes I could see it being a laundry shute, but that ain't it, sis. Where is she? Don't make me watch, I don't want to.
I suspect it's actually a small storage cabinet. Some hotel bathroom designs have them, they have the little bars of soap etc in them. It's part of why I doubt it's a hospital bathroom. <Though it would be hilarious if she had to film on a bariatric toliet at a hospital>.

10/10 I bet they went to a handicap hotel room, to basically hose her down. That would be a hilarious thing to do..and probably the only way they can hose her down as well any more outside of a pool.
 

Whatthefuck

kiwifarms.net
Well we can rule out a hospital bathroom I think. <It crossed my mind>

But it definitely has a hotel bathroom look and standardization. To be honest; outside of a giant stack of mattresses, nothing else can hold her weight but possibly, a toliet. It is likely they rented a handicapped room at a decent hotel because nothing else accomodates her.




I suspect it's actually a small storage cabinet. Some hotel bathroom designs have them, they have the little bars of soap etc in them. It's part of why I doubt it's a hospital bathroom. <Though it would be hilarious if she had to film on a bariatric toliet at a hospital>.

10/10 I bet they went to a handicap hotel room, to basically hose her down. That would be a hilarious thing to do..and probably the only way they can hose her down as well any more outside of a pool.
What do you want to bet this was filmed the day of the trip to the ER that was an hour and a half away and what Becks had to go back into the house to get was this waste of fucking money? I think we cracked the code. They probably stayed in a hotel after the ER visit. Mystery solved as far as I'm concerned.
 

L_I_F_T_E_D

kiwifarms.net
OPENING A 90’S TIME CAPSULE *NOSTALGIC*

Because I hate myself and my blood pressure enough to watch things so YOU DON'T HAVE TO:

- Toiletlynn explains that the "best lighting" is in this bathroom, and it already has a seat (so she doesn't have to stand, of course)

- The gruesome twosome went to Target (but this video is NOT called "TARGET HAUL"?)

- It was purchased near the "figger-een area situation". Ask any Target employee where the "figger-een area situation" is and they'll gladly direct you.

- Didja know she was born in the '90s? (Or are you a MathLynn and need that spelled out based on the given year and her known age?)

- "Is the '90s coming back?" (She says, praying that time can revert to when she wasn't close to 600 elbees)

- Over a minute in - the box is finally opened.

- 1:40 - Hamber scratches her dainty meat-pawed fingernails over something and makes that ear-grating sound come out. Skip to 1:58 if you enjoy having ears. (I SMELL A NEW ASMR VIDEO IDEA THAT WILL BE HEAVILY REQUESTED!)

- Amber learns how marketing works because the box says to "open in 2019" which is THIS YEAR OMG THANK GOODNESS IT HIT THE SHELVES OF TARGET AT THE RIGHT TIME!

- Almost three full minutes in, and something is actually opened from within the box.

ITEM #1 - GEL PENS (neon colors)
ITEM #2 - DECK OF CARDS (from nostalgic Solitaire computer game)
ITEM #3 - A PAD OF PAPER (with AOL/AIM design)
ITEM #4 - A CUP (has no idea what the logo/design is from)
ITEM #5 - FANNYPACK (her fanny has been so packed that no fannypack would ever fit her)
ITEM #5B - LITTLE BUTTERFLY HAIR CLIPS (story of her historical messy-hairbuns)
ITEM #6 - SLAP BRACELET (with evidence that her "wrist" somehow can still accomodate such a thing)
ITEM #7 - STICKERS (oh FFS we do not need you DESCRIBING EVERY STICKER)
ITEM #8 - TEMPORARY TRAMP STAMP TATTOOS (all of which could be applied at the same time across the vast expanse of her flesh-folds)
ITEM #9 - TRADING CARDS (yes read EVERYTHING on ALL the cards to stretch out this video - even though it SOMEHOW didn't reach 10:00; you're slipping, GreedyLynn!)

- Amber will be putting everything back in the box so Necky can get the SAME EXPERIENCE! Then it will be placed in a box never to be seen again!

- No weigh-in.
 

Okami Green

Negative Person™
kiwifarms.net
View attachment 853374

I can never get my head round how utterly ball-achingly *stupid* this lump is...$25 for that tiny pile of junk?‽
Decluttereeen' out the window then!

She really is a retailers dream... throw $5 worth of yard-sale stuff in a box, give it a snappy name and our gorl is 'liveeen'

Is she really that dumb that she thinks this is actual 90's stuff?‽ 🤔
You know damn well that all of the shit is just going to sit around her room until she finds a new girlfriend to move in with. Becky will cling to one of them like it's a cherished relic of one of her 1k deceased relatives.
 

idosometimes

kiwifarms.net
Whoever makes these garbage boxes does it with the knowledge that many people like Amberlynn will buy them. They are tailored to someone like her who has no knowledge of anything, but wants to be "groovy" by jumping on the nostalgia train even if they remember none of it.

History lesson for the kids: slap bracelets are from the 1980s. Kids still had them in the early 1990s, but they were knockoff cheap ones by that point. and mostly dead.
if she went back to Cheesecake Factory that was a quick end to the weight watchers diet
Weight Watchers says chicken is zero points, remember? That means she has to eat a gargantuan portion of orange chicken. Weight Watchers commands it!
 

Haesindang Park

kiwifarms.net
Does she have a roll of fat hanging off her hand?

I wonder if she still feels anything in her hands. Once the numbness kicks in, she needs to panic. On the bright side, without her hands, she won't be greedy because she can't hold and show off her hoard without her hands.

EDIT: Forgot to mention she will eat less without her hands. She will finally lose the weight then but this sounds rather optimistic.
 
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