Personal Lolcows -

Monika H.

J̷̯̀ų̸͝s̷̖̏t̴̥̒ ̴̠͝M̴̜̽ó̴̧ń̶͎ì̷͖k̵̺̕a̷̲͝
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Not even my personal cow but a friends. Eastern European old school Runescape streamer with a chubby Arabian girlfriend. My buddy sends me links to his twitch stream whenever there is drama going on between him and the girlfriend.

Highlights:
  • He was apparently a virgin until 27
  • They live in Amsterdam, I think
  • His sister sounds like a ghetto white girl even though she is also presumably from EE
  • Chat thinks he's a literal cuckold because he walked in on two arabic guys groping his gf, now say his baby will come out black and spam trihard
  • If his gf unplugs the ethernet cable he will call the police
  • He continuously wanted to end one argument so he could go get weed before it got too late (probably around 30 minutes)
  • They've only been in a relationship for a year, 6 months online and 6 months IRL
  • The gf tries to isolate him from his family and asks him why he gives his sister so much attention
Goddamn, this posts reminds me of a Moravian relationship blogger that although he's a pretty cool guy, his personal life is a disaster for the whole world to see.
In a sense this makes me shudder because it's basically a dark mirror of my life.
Basically:
  • He lives with his girlfriend and his sister (a bit like me, only that it's SIL in my case)
  • Said girlfriend and sister are much older and huge controlling bitches and when they are not fighting for dominance they ally against him
  • It turned out his big sister used to "bad touch" him and this actually called for a police/teen service investigation
  • Both women don't work or do anything of sorts
  • They are lesbians too and cuck him regularly
  • Worse, they insist to include him in. He says he never accepted, but you never know
  • They basically yell and screech whenever he tries to do something without them
  • They estranged both their families

What makes it sad it's that not counting his semi-regular breakdowns, he's a genuinely dedicated guy who helps everyone who writes him.
Yet his actual relationship is a disaster.
Oh, the irony.
 

FuckedUp

Cartoon Graphics Hater
kiwifarms.net
  • He lives with his girlfriend and his sister (a bit like me, only that it's SIL in my case)
  • They are lesbians too and cuck him regularly
...how's that even possible? I get closeted men/women having hetero partners, but his "girlfriend" is openly lesbian. She's just someone he knows, not a girlfriend.
 
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Monika H.

J̷̯̀ų̸͝s̷̖̏t̴̥̒ ̴̠͝M̴̜̽ó̴̧ń̶͎ì̷͖k̵̺̕a̷̲͝
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
...how's that even possible? I get closeted men/women having hetero partners, but his "girlfriend" is openly lesbian. She's just someone he knows, not a girlfriend.
I should have put it better: I called her a lesbian, but she's not really one nor she is heterosexual or bisexual. From what I put together, she's one of those people who literally fuck everything in their mile that breathes. She fucks both siblings without any decency or romance whatsoever.
 

Monika H.

J̷̯̀ų̸͝s̷̖̏t̴̥̒ ̴̠͝M̴̜̽ó̴̧ń̶͎ì̷͖k̵̺̕a̷̲͝
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Ah, a whore, the town bicycle.
More or less, but as of now she seems happy with her "relationship".
Really, it sends a shiver down my spine when I think that if I had played the wrong cards, I would have ended up in the same situation.
When I wrote the guy I was almost ashamed to let him know I have a similar situation but unlike his mine is healthy and not such a shitshow.
Serves as reminder it takes a few wrong turns to go off the deep end.
 

DietMtnDew

kiwifarms.net
I used to go on this really small, now mostly defunct forum back in 2006-2010 and I got a lot of lols from some of the folks on there. There's this one loon who has been keeping an entire log of her life stating that it is "for her lover to read" for no reason on this site, which has a journal feature. It looks like over the years a hard-working mod pulled her thread from the Random forum and gave her an actual journal. Sometimes it looks like she has conversations with herself. There's over 600 pages of her entire, bizarre life.

827877


Regulars on the forum started off by asking her why the fuck she's keeping her correspondence on a public forum if she's so worried about it being compromised, then they just started outright ignoring her lunacy.

Over the years she has become progressively more paranoid and erratic. She switched her screename from 771200 to "backdoor" and claims that there are people reading the chip in her arm via public toilet

827874


She believes her whole family is under surveillance, that her identity has been stolen, all kinds of crazy shit. Her original posts followed the model of "I'm just using this tiny ass forum to talk to my partner", but her posts are nothing like this anymore

There is also this skitzocow who also minds her business and sperges out on the forum, but... well more in the senseless bible verse spouting way wtih lots of gaudy images peppered in.

828066
828073
 

CivilianOfTheFandomWars

Tanith’s Worst and Only
kiwifarms.net
This dude named Mark who my dad and his friend Rob worked for a long time ago. Every single time Dad and Rob hang out, they shit talk Mark for hours. He’s their lolcow. I probably get my Kiwi tendencies from my Dad.
Mark is a jeweler in Santa Fe who is a complete fraud and moron. He steals gold from clients but ordering more than needed and keeping the excess. He does something to the stones, I don’t remember what. This would be a big problem, but he doesn’t get clients because his work is so shitty. He can’t sell any pieces and the only reason he’s still in business is because his wife is rich and also stupid.
And he’s terrible at jewelry. There’s this technique where you make tons of little metal beads and heat up the piece just enough to have the beads stick and creat this textured effect. It’s very challenging because if you heat for a second or so more than needed, you fuck up the piece. Not Mark, he solders that shit on. It looks horrible.
His workspace is a bench made of 2x4s he has set on fire multiple times, some Tupperware to hold shit, and a plumbers torch. Nothing professional at all, but he still thinks he’s a master goldsmith.
Rob and my dad actually send emails to each other shitting on Mark and making proto-memes about him. For example, Mark’s shop had a big rock with a hole in it outside the parking lot of the strip mall thing he was at. He had this postcard made to advertise. The rock was bought by some dude in Texas, and Rob sent Dad a “fixed” version of the postcard with the rock blocked out by a white square.
I’m watching two almost 60 year olds have their own lolcow, and it’s beautiful.
 
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FuckedUp

Cartoon Graphics Hater
kiwifarms.net
Just FYI, I'm in the same major (CS obviously :roll:) as the kid I mentioned earlier, so it was KINDA plausible that he'd take the same required class first summer term.

Guess who showed up to the second day of the same upper-level math class I'm taking that's not even required for our major?

I'm sorta optimistic because attendance is once again mandatory and this professor is notorious for being hardass. She gave him most disapproving stare possible when he walked in 50 minutes late :)
 

KingFrampt

The scourge of man
kiwifarms.net
Knew a guy back in like 2013/2014 who I used to play on Halo Reach with but I knew him IRL too. If I ever had to take a piss and he happened to be pissing too he'd often try to cop a look at my cock. One time I was like fuck it I'll just piss in the stall instead and he tried to make me use the urinal, he was fucking weird.

Whenever I'd play with him online with other friends he would get extremely angry if you made autism jokes i.e. replacing words that rhyme with autistic with autistic. basically just dumb shit, and usually led to me and some other guy fucking with him for a bit because everyone would just be annoyed with him.

Eventually he became a brony like all autists do, went to college and started talking to another one of my friends. Which is unfortunate for me cause I finally managed to shake the cunt off after like 2014.

When he turned 18 he got kicked out of his home because he did something degenerate (I can only assume he was wearing his sisters clothes or something) and went to live with his grandparents where he naturally turned into a furry + tranny

I still bump into him every now and then and recently had to spend a couple hours with him cause he couldn't take a hint and fuck off
 

AbyssStarer

kiwifarms.net
Minor updates as class is about halfway done.
Trooni is the only person in this class who's technically in level 2, yet his art is invariably the absolute fucking worst in the class. He has no ability to accurately shape subjects. His faces look like those terrible "How to Draw Manga" books that populated the shelves of Michael's in 2006.
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He claims he's just better at drawing instead of what we're doing, but his best work for the class so far has been his master copy. (copying a piece of classic art as a way to learn from it)
Trooni also told me once that he can't draw men because he doesn't like the aesthetic quality of men like he does women. Well, fine, plenty of people like that, but he said it in such a vague meandering way I got a weird feeling from it.

I have had the unfortunate fate of speaking with Trooni sometimes. It's near-impossible to carry a conversation because he doesn't want to hear from anybody but himself. He'll talk over you if you try and contribute to the subject and he'll look agitated if you do manage to get in a sentence. God forbid I do anything but affirm whatever bullshit he's spewing.

Other small oddities:
  • I'm pretty damn sure the teacher doesn't like Trooni that much. Trooni likes to say stuff when we're critiquing and he mumbles and pitches up his voice so much it's hard to hear or understand him. Usually the teacher just pauses for a second and says "alllright."
  • Trooni sits really stupid at his easel. He sits hunched over in a chair and holds his arm up. The teacher keeps telling Trooni to lower his work and stop wiggling around and fucking up his perspective, but he doesn't. No wonder his pieces look like complete crap.
  • He tried to tell me he worked at Sephora.
    :story:

  • He claims to have sold some of his pieces online
    1562773481685.png
  • On multiple occasions Trooni has taken the teacher to the side and had the campus police come to the classroom to look around.
  • His body tics have escalated to jumping out of his chair and running a short distance while hunched over.
  • He told me sometimes evul men ask him if transitioning hurt, and he was pissed off he still "gets that." At the time he had noticeable mustache and beard hairs on his face. :roll:
  • There's a guy in the class who has autism, whatever, he keeps to himself. One time in the cleanup room, Trooni asked the guy about it and then was like "YAY ASPIES!" just like this:1562773384095.png
I don't think much else is going to happen for the rest of the class, but holy fuck he is pathetic. Some of the women in class are friendly and polite with him, I dunno why because he's impossible to talk to, but maybe he can tell I don't fucking like his annoying ass.
 

Gingervitis

kiwifarms.net
Goddamn, this posts reminds me of a Moravian relationship blogger that although he's a pretty cool guy, his personal life is a disaster for the whole world to see.
In a sense this makes me shudder because it's basically a dark mirror of my life.
Basically:
  • He lives with his girlfriend and his sister (a bit like me, only that it's SIL in my case)
  • Said girlfriend and sister are much older and huge controlling bitches and when they are not fighting for dominance they ally against him
  • It turned out his big sister used to "bad touch" him and this actually called for a police/teen service investigation
  • Both women don't work or do anything of sorts
  • They are lesbians too and cuck him regularly
  • Worse, they insist to include him in. He says he never accepted, but you never know
  • They basically yell and screech whenever he tries to do something without them
  • They estranged both their families

What makes it sad it's that not counting his semi-regular breakdowns, he's a genuinely dedicated guy who helps everyone who writes him.
Yet his actual relationship is a disaster.
Oh, the irony.
Can you link this to me? This seems like a hell of a thing to read about.
 
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Monika H.

J̷̯̀ų̸͝s̷̖̏t̴̥̒ ̴̠͝M̴̜̽ó̴̧ń̶͎ì̷͖k̵̺̕a̷̲͝
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Can you link this to me? This seems like a hell of a thing to read about.
He just went DFE (again) last weekend sadly.
Can you read Czech? Maybe I got some screens in Czech, otherwise I'll have to dig for stuff in English.

EDIT: Maybe I have some screens of stuff of last Christmas, in English.
I wanted to post them but stuff happened in my life too and I had quit the Farms for a while.
If I find them I'll post them here.
 

Chaos Theorist

It would be spiteful To put jellyfish in a trifle
kiwifarms.net
I only met this guy today and I don't even know his name, but this is literally the only place I could talk about him properly.

It was my first day at a new job today. Polexia is moving up in the world. I was working with someone who was training me when this Guy walks right up to us. He is wearing a too-big button down shirt which is not tucked in and which in fact has a large brown stain on the front, like he spilled coffee down himself. Just from his fucking face I can tell he's not right.

"How are you today?" she asks. "Inquisitive, thanks!!" he says. Oh. Good. Fucking. Lord.

He loudly and proudly informs us that he submitted an application a week ago and has come to check up on it! Because it's not like this is 2019, companies love when you disrupt the flow of business like that!

He's got the autism voice. Well, I should say the Asperger's voice. The vocal pattern, inflection, and volume just loud enough to be uncomfortable. My trainer radios for a manager and we wait, smiling at this guy with supreme discomfort as he tries to make witty conversation. It's immediately apparent that not only does he have the classically autistic lack of social graces, but some poor well-meaning soul (likely his mummy) has drilled into him the importance of being friendly and confident at all times, and he is going to live and die by that advice. He does that extremely irritating "trick" where he reads my nametag and addresses me by name. It's times like these where I miss the jobs that didn't require one. He's acting like a cocky little shit in a way that I usually expect to be followed by an inquiry into my sexual availability.

The manager finally comes, saints preserve us. He re-uses his oh-so-clever "Inquisitive, thanks!" line, which gets a startled chuckle from the manager just like it got one from my trainer. She politely and kindly explains to this sperg that the hiring manager is not in, but she will take his name and make sure his application gets looked at. Oh, I forgot - right after his little inquisitive joke, he said "I'm your new favorite!" and in a stage whisper said "I won't tell the others!!!!" Ha ha fucking ha, I'm going to die.

He continued to have a chat with the poor manager for a few minutes while my trainer went to show me something else. However his voice was so goddamn loud that I couldn't tune him out. He said that he's almost "resorted" to working at a Wal-Mart, but how this job would be so close to his house, it's perfect! Oh, there's a second location too? Even BETTER! Even closer to his house, that'll work out so well for him. Something about bragging about his work ethic, at this point I was really trying to pay attention to my trainer and not get sucked into the black hole of cringe that this guy was producing around himself.

I mentioned him in passing to the manager later. She said that she'll pass his info to the hiring manager, and he can make that final decision. I truly doubt that this guy could do any good in even the most entry level customer service position, so it's not likely he'll be hired, but it's been a long time since I was that genuinely rattled by the sheer force of secondhand embarrassment.

Anyone remember the secret Gamestop footage where Chris-Chan was buying the Pokeball and explaining to the associate all about Sonichu and how he was da creator and all of that shit? Honestly, it was exactly that sort of discomfort level, except I can't m.il.k any real Kiwi points from the encounter with this sperg.
What's a female version of a A-Log?
 
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Monika H.

J̷̯̀ų̸͝s̷̖̏t̴̥̒ ̴̠͝M̴̜̽ó̴̧ń̶͎ì̷͖k̵̺̕a̷̲͝
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Can you link this to me? This seems like a hell of a thing to read about.
Found some!
I had to heavily edit those because it was a conversation and threads I had posted in, but I should find better stuff soon.
IMG_20190712_211233_614.jpg

This dude got it
IMG_20190712_211904_451.jpg
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IMG_20190712_211327_171.jpg
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My reaction
IMG_20190712_211151_977.jpg
 
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DietMtnDew

kiwifarms.net
1563130468870.png
I come across Bignick on tinychat all the time. He's nothing special, just a gay deathfat who can't read. Someone made a twitter of quotes from him.
He definitely has some kind of mood disorder, and he takes a lot of medication for anything from bipolar, to rotting armpits. He often falls asleep in his desk chair on camera, and plays secondlife when he's not working at mcdonalds.

841165

841166
 

FuckedUp

Cartoon Graphics Hater
kiwifarms.net
Just FYI, I'm in the same major (CS obviously :roll:) as the kid I mentioned earlier, so it was KINDA plausible that he'd take the same required class first summer term.

Guess who showed up to the second day of the same upper-level math class I'm taking that's not even required for our major?

I'm sorta optimistic because attendance is once again mandatory and this professor is notorious for being hardass. She gave him most disapproving stare possible when he walked in 50 minutes late :)
Oh God, today the professor caught him fucking around on his phone (no electronics allowed, I said the professor was a hardass). The professor had none of his shit and made him sit in the front of the room (again, hardass). So then he started throwing an autistic bitchfit and immediately got kicked out of class. :lol:
 

niconiconecro

the jncos stay on during sex
kiwifarms.net
There’s apparently a whole community of anime findom roleplayers on twitter. I’m not sure how it works but like they’ll post stolen art and link their paypal/circlepay and a bunch of hashtags announcing things like other fetishes and that they’re a catfish.
 
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friedshrimp

uwuu
kiwifarms.net
Would you guys consider a lolcow somebody who spends all their online time complaining about really innocent stuff, claiming how they're "bad" and people should be forbidden from liking?

Apparently "bad" things this person wants banned:
-Pride and Prejudice
-Dogs
-Non-Americans
-Han Solo
-The Addams Family
-Most Disney movies
-Junk Food
-Wicked
 
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