Personal Lolcows -

Marco Fucko

~~~
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Bruh, I click that twitter link and this is the third tweet down.
There's so much weeb shit, loli shit, and other assorted hentai at the very beginning of his page alone, that I can see where this is heading.
That screengrab is actually a joke about another anime/right wing twitter poster named Lucas. He was grooming a 13 year old and like 2 or 3 years later she stepped forward and leaked a bunch of his communications with her.

The core reasoning behind the joke is that his entire brand/air was that of wholesomeness, and then it turns out he attempts to groom a kid and was also dating a then underage tranny for a time.
 

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tardaghast

kiwifarms.net

Highlights:

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Basically this person OD'd on blue pills and just went so far off the deep end I'm worried he's going to snap on someone IRL.

There's also public harassment posts in there about the dumbest shit imaginable.
Don't you have a pregnancy kink?
 

Kiwi Lime Pie

The tasteful summer treat. 🥝🥧🐈
kiwifarms.net
I don't think anyone, in the history of the Star Wars fandom, has ever looked at a lightsaber duel and said "You know what would make this even cooler? Some 80s new wave music!"
As much as the content in the official video for Spandau Ballet's Gold might not mesh well with Star Wars, I can oddly see Rufus somehow squeezing the song and his own interpretation of it into one of his scripts -- even if it was nothing more than a song played/sung in a backwater cantina the main characters are hiding out or otherwise relaxing in.

The fact that Rufus comes up with such bizarre, out there, head-scratching ideas for his scripts and plots is what makes these posts so entertaining and amusing. How he behaves in the real world based on his headcanons is icing on the cake, except maybe for those that have to deal with his Star Wars spergery and improper behavior. Thanks for finally sharing, @TheImportantFart

I'm super pro-2A but these people are cancerous turbospergs.
I'd like to believe the average person accepts people exercising their 2A rights provided that the gun-holders act responsibly when it comes to their weapons. I agree that these die-hard activists seem to be more interested in in-your-face confrontations and attention-seeking than they are gun rights and 2A activism.

One such person in my region felt it was a good idea to open carry on the sidewalk outside of a high school. Sure, it was legal, and he stayed outside the defined weapon-free school zone, but it still prompted a lock-down and call to the police because schools take no chances when it comes to student safety and guns ever since Columbine. Yes, the guy made sure he stayed within the law, but stunts such as this tend to convince people -- especially those on the fence about 2A issues and topics -- that gun owners are irresponsible and need as many restrictions as possible to protect both themselves and the general public from them even though most gun owners prefer not to make a spectacle out of their choice to own and carry a weapon.
 

TheImportantFart

Henry Assman
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
@TheImportantFart @CWCissey

Rufus Wars: Behind the Scenes Special.

I guess that Rufus may have got the idea of a Death Star Star Destroyer from this piece of fanart found on Artstation:

I thought it was something he came up with himself, but it’s entirely possible. The rest of those scripts were plagiarised from a multitude of sources, so I’d actually be surprised if there was something original in there.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Big Nasty

Travis Touchdown Cumsock

What an absolute travesty.
kiwifarms.net
oh btw here's his magnificent chimpout on the second account he snuck back in on, after being banned from my server

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meanwhile his damning, shocking, life-ending screenshots he's been gathering...are these

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This is fucking comedy gold and I can't get over it sorry :story:
 

the_masked_man

and that's the tea, bitch.
kiwifarms.net
Theres this gal i know, shes a full on female version of the typical weeb neckbeard. She believes she's a magical girl and angel, is only attracted to anime girls and hates female characters that are adored by fans (an example: she said she hates Marnie and Lilie from pokemon because theyre cuter than her and the fandom loves them). Is disabled and spends all of her disability check on video games on steam and anime figures. That's about it for now
 

DCM90

Voltor for Glick
kiwifarms.net
I just found old photos from a good ol personal lolcow when i was in college back in 2009.
He was my neighbor ( i lived in a student apartment complex) from what i remember he was in some special needs program (he has assburgers) and lived with some other autistic fool who was a lolcow in his own right too (sometimes they would fight and yell at eachother outside in the recreational area, it was golden).
He was from Dubai. From what people that knew him closely told me is that he's pretty much a bastard son and dead to his father and that his brother (who owns part of United Emirates Airlines and some big ass hotel in Dubai, he's an oil prince like the rest of his family, Im pretty sure he's a bastard/unrecognized Al-Falasi) felt petty for him, so he sent him to CA (Redlands) so he could develop independent adult life skills and go to college, shit like that.
One day i saw him cross dressing making a fool out of himself in a parking lot , he would yell out loud "is okay im gay!" (he wasn't really a homo, but he said and did that shit because he knew it could get him killed in Dubai and that people reacting in confusion or ignoring him in America was an alien/liberating experience to him). He was also obsessed with women footware/foot fetish.
He told me once his brother or father have a personal harem. And I remember the day after Osama Bin Laden's death he was telling everyone "ohh im sad my uncle just passed away";)
 

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lurk_moar

Wears a lab coat but curses like a sailor.
kiwifarms.net
My personal lolcow is a tard with ADHD who I briefly worked with at a tard factory, then copies me by going back to college.

Enter Tardette. I knew her from riding the bus in late elementary school , and she was a Walmartian when I worked there.

I got fired from Walmart. I am so bored being unemployed. With unemployment insurance. they basically want you to take any job or goodbye benefits. I was so desperate for work that I applied at a local job not knowing it was the local tard factory. I take the job. I did not work with Tardette until all shifts combine. Tardette found me on Facebook, added me, and refused to STFU whenever I logged on, so no more Facebook for me.Tardette has the personality and conversation skills of a NPC townsperson in an RPG. Not only do her social skills suck, but she sounds like she inhales helium and laughs at everything.. Me being fed up working at a tard factory applies to the local community college, Tardette wants to too.

Tardette being a hypersexual tard like our favorite female lolcow gets terminated for dating the manager. The office manager went out on a couple outings like a movie and dinner with Tardette. Tardette thinks they are just friends, I think this is completely ethically wrong. After her termination work makes her she a psychologist. I get a break from Tardette until second year of college. Oh yeah in this period she gets a job at a daycare then gets laid off. Since when do daycare s lay off?

She takes up culinary. Hallelujah the angels are singing. She is more obnoxious than a crack monkey ODing on crack, meth, and caffeine at the same time. You can hear the little bitch laugh in the cafeteria since it is the only place close enough to study and work on homework before and after class. Her classmates hate her, and she gets bullied. They only let Tardette bake cookies and make salad. Before I left for my internship, she needed help assembling motherfucking burgers. The two culinary aids were always with her and never left her alone.

Enter Spring semester. I am off to my internship gaining the skills I need for my real job instead of theory and book knowledge. Enter Tardette again. She barely passed fall semester with C’s. Now, Spring semester grades, she fucking failed computer applications and got a D in a culinary class. Tardette bitches and moans that she did nothing to nobody, so why would they put her on academic probation? I told her she needs to make up those classes, and that you need a minimum 2.0 GPA to graduate college. After I told her this, she refused to take my advice by repeating those classes. It’s all in the student handbook online.

Her study habits are deplorable. She hangs out at Walmart all the time after school, never studies while waiting for the bus, or watches YouTube videos about culinary skills. On top of that, her time management skills suck donkey balls. Example she will take the bus home from college, then call the buss again to shuffle her re-tarded ass to the gym which is a block away from the motherfucking school. I told Tardette that the school has a gym, and that she can keep her gym clothes in a motherfucking locker. She doesn’t listen. I gave the little tard advice on how to succeed in college, but she would rather pretend she is in the sped classes again and not real college.She hates how the straight A students pick on her. Tardette wants me be a sous chef, and tells me that after she graduates from culinary she will go back to college for gen ed classes. I asked why. Her response I don’t know which is her answer to everything.

Take two August. Tardette had an appointment with her advisor. Advisor didn’t mention anything about repeating classes or GPA but about a tutor. Tardette will have a rude awakening when she cannot graduate. The classes this year will be even harder yet. Will Tardette make it to Spring semester? Is a ethical to give a sub-70 IQ person student loan debt?

Random thought. Tardette collects tugboat for ADHD. She can only work part time. Won’t a chef’s salary if I am super duper :optimistic: cut her tugboat off?
Update. The semester is not even over yet, and Tardette was withdrawn from her classes because of low GPA. She has another meeting with her counselor next week. She told me how wonderful she was doing this semester. She is hopeful that they would let her back during the spring semester. Proof that the Dunning-Kruger effect is funny and real. :story: Up next in the Tardette saga, wait I never took out student loans and they keep calling me. Also, can’t find a job because not even the tard factory wants my re-tarded ass back.

Edit: She. Failed. Every. Single. One. Of. Her. Classes. This. Semester.
 
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ZXO

Blowin' on that indo, GameCube Nintendo
kiwifarms.net
Big Red.

He was a neighborhood haunt with the usual asperger's/autism tango. Built like Lenny from Of Mice and Men. He had, on multiple occasions, produced variable lengths of rope to tie kids to trees with. He had been seen carrying anything from walking canes to a big ass golf club. If he could swing it around, he owned it. Also everywhere was a wrestling wring and everyone needed a tombstone piledriver. We stood up to him eventually as a group of 5th graders and bombed his ass with rock laced snowballs. After a while asked us to stop, said he was proud of us, and invited us over to get free porn off his Xerox copier. He was pretty friendly after that and would randomly give us porn he printed out. I think he ended up in the military somehow but went AWOL. Haven't seen him since.

I have another but man its fucked.
 

An Sionnach Seang

Justin Bieber shit's like a cat!
kiwifarms.net
another one involving Autistic Accountant (or as I've now dubbed him, Rocket Man, since he has habit of compulsively dashing to the door and back as if he has a rocket up his arse)
previous | previouser

when I went into work this morning I nearly tripped over him, as he was sat on the floor in front of the main door to the unit

there was something very odd about that, and sure enough, soon we could hear him making noises; he was quite literally bawling, had to be dragged upright (he had apparently lost the ability to stand up of his own accord), and taken to the break room to calm down

the reason? he'd tripped on the pavement on the way into work, and his umbrella and lunchbox had gone flying, and both had been damaged; to him, this was a total disaster

when a colleague reassured him "could have been a lot worse, you could have hit your head" his reaction was "maybe that would have been for the best"

he was given a task on the shop floor to take his mind off it, and settled down over the course of the day, but he spent the whole day under a funk; when he left, six hours later, he was still morose, whinging about it raining outside, yet not accepting the spare brolly offered to him, and when he talked about having 'emotional scars' from the fall that morning it took all my self-control not to laugh or show a visible reaction

he is the textbook definition of the term 'manchild'
 

Billy_Sama

♂Love and Muscle in Heaven♂
kiwifarms.net
On a video game forum I was on some Turkish poster call Siyah Beyaz would ask pointless and irrelevant questions that only a Autistic person would post. His questions usually involved about japanese video games and anime and how it was never released in Turkey and everyone would get annoyed and make fun of him till he got banned.

I remembered him because another forum was talking about him and someon posted his Yahoo Questions account with amusing questions of why gets banned from online forums. If people want to read his questions of a autistic madman go ahead.

 

lurk_moar

Wears a lab coat but curses like a sailor.
kiwifarms.net
Update. The semester is not even over yet, and Tardette was withdrawn from her classes because of low GPA. She has another meeting with her counselor next week. She told me how wonderful she was doing this semester. She is hopeful that they would let her back during the spring semester. Proof that the Dunning-Kruger effect is funny and real. :story: Up next in the Tardette saga, wait I never took out student loans and they keep calling me. Also, can’t find a job because not even the tard factory wants my re-tarded ass back.

Edit: She. Failed. Every. Single. One. Of. Her. Classes. This. Semester.
Breaking news. Tards get special privileges and treatment. Failing an entire semester still gets you a degree and not having to repeat classes like normal above room temp IQ humans. Tardette will graduate this Spring. Up next nobody would hire an immature 5 year old with straight F’s the final year.

Edit: People are working their keisters off to make a 3.8 GPA, yet a tard who goofs around and earns a 1.25 GPA gets the same degree. This is what’s wrong with America.

Edit 2: Rules don’t apply to tards.
 
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Cheemsburbger

kiwifarms.net
Several months back, an iFunny user made a bot that could be used in chats. This bot had several functions, including a command that would reveal the alt accounts of a user. Over a year ago, the iFunny devs rolled out an anti-harassment measure. Every time you signed into a device, the app would remember the device. Therefore, all accounts you make on said device register as one account to the system. This is where the "block all users" function comes in. Instead of being used as it was intended, it became an exposing tool. Both of these functions remained dormant until about a month or two ago, when someone used the alt finder on a notorious user

ConservativeGirl has always been a sort of private lolcow, completely oblivious to the fact that most of her 10,000 subscribers are only there to laugh at her narcissistic ramblings and atrocious hot takes. She claims to be a devout Christian as well. One day, someone discovers the bot and uses it. Two other accounts pop up: rape_rp_sub and sub_rape_rp. Connect the dots

I did not save the famous image of her shoving a hairbrush up her pussy because I'm only 90% sure she's 18 and I can't confirm the toe-sucking picture is actually her boyfriend. She was also not the only target

This also happened to TBestIG, who got exposed for drawing/commissioning/jacking it to otter porn
 

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Buxinator

Just an average joe
kiwifarms.net
For some reason I am still participating in a Facebookgroup for (wannabe) authors. Their behaviour is... interesting. Someone claims that Hollywood stole his story and another one raged extremely hard about a funny posting about atheism and challenged the whole group to debate him on that before going on a rant and lecturing everybody about morale and religion
 

Agoraphobic Bullshit

The Town Crier and Boozehound
kiwifarms.net
My personal lolcow is a guy I roomed with in college. At the time, he worked on oil rigs and was out of town 80% of the time, but just needed a place to lay his head during time off and store his stuff. The arrangement suited the other roommates and I just fine since he still insisted on paying his quarter of the bills.

Almost immediately, we noticed that this guy made some... odd claims. Like that he was kicked out of a gang one province over and they wanted him dead, he used to make meth, etc. We knew this was all bullshit since we'd gone to high school with him and he was kicked out of chemistry for being what the teacher called "dangerously moronic). He was forced into taking remedial biology instead and didn't even get to dissect a frog. He also asked very loudly in English classes if the book/poem/play we were studying was about being gay until THAT teacher told him that asking that question over and over just made him look gay himself.

Anyway, back to college. We often had to force this man to shower. If we didn't, he actually never would. He explained that his natural scent attracted the laaaadies. I told him that as a lady, it did not. He decided I was gay, which actually made the whole rooming situation easier since he tried to hit on anyone vaguely female he thought would have him.

He slowly got into Illuminati conspiracy theories and sperged about them hard. If you told him you weren't interested or wanted to change the topic, he would chimp out and throw various small projectiles, slam his door, and pout. We did this often as it would mean we didn't have to hang out with him that night.

The last straw was when he set another roommate's area rug on fire in the living room because he wanted to test if it was flame resistant. The rug gave no indication that it would be fire resistant. In fact it was a polyester fur monstrosity. We told him he had to move out.

Since then, our special boy has developed a theory that people shouldn't keep pets as all animals should be wild. He set his parents' chickens free and they kicked him out. Adding onto that, he believes that all animals fall in love, marry, and are monogamous. This is especially funny since he grew up on a farm.

Now he's a soundcloud rapper. Did you know that rap can bet off key? I do now.
 

Adamska

Last Gunman
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
My personal lolcow is a guy I roomed with in college. At the time, he worked on oil rigs and was out of town 80% of the time, but just needed a place to lay his head during time off and store his stuff. The arrangement suited the other roommates and I just fine since he still insisted on paying his quarter of the bills.

Almost immediately, we noticed that this guy made some... odd claims. Like that he was kicked out of a gang one province over and they wanted him dead, he used to make meth, etc. We knew this was all bullshit since we'd gone to high school with him and he was kicked out of chemistry for being what the teacher called "dangerously moronic). He was forced into taking remedial biology instead and didn't even get to dissect a frog. He also asked very loudly in English classes if the book/poem/play we were studying was about being gay until THAT teacher told him that asking that question over and over just made him look gay himself.

Anyway, back to college. We often had to force this man to shower. If we didn't, he actually never would. He explained that his natural scent attracted the laaaadies. I told him that as a lady, it did not. He decided I was gay, which actually made the whole rooming situation easier since he tried to hit on anyone vaguely female he thought would have him.

He slowly got into Illuminati conspiracy theories and sperged about them hard. If you told him you weren't interested or wanted to change the topic, he would chimp out and throw various small projectiles, slam his door, and pout. We did this often as it would mean we didn't have to hang out with him that night.

The last straw was when he set another roommate's area rug on fire in the living room because he wanted to test if it was flame resistant. The rug gave no indication that it would be fire resistant. In fact it was a polyester fur monstrosity. We told him he had to move out.

Since then, our special boy has developed a theory that people shouldn't keep pets as all animals should be wild. He set his parents' chickens free and they kicked him out. Adding onto that, he believes that all animals fall in love, marry, and are monogamous. This is especially funny since he grew up on a farm.

Now he's a soundcloud rapper. Did you know that rap can bet off key? I do now.
I'm surprised he was able to work on an Oil Rig at all given how hideously dangerous they can be to its workers. Especially the old ones out in the sticks that haven't been completely modernized.
 
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