Personal Lolcows -

Glass Sealing

He/him lesbian (V*MPIRES DNI)
I decided I’d make a post. This is the guy I mentioned in SJW Art. It most likely won’t make too much sense if you don’t know about Metalocalypse and it’s gonna be pretty spergy tbh

I first met them on a Metalocalypse discord server (literally, it’s just called ‘Metalocalypse Server’) and they’re the owner. They seemed nice enough, but then...

Ok, so this guy’s deal: they’re a DID system (already giving me raised eyebrows) that’s mostly fictives. There’s around 10 of them. The other big thing is that the entirety of Metalocalypse Twitter hates him, apparently. According to him, this is because he’s a DID system, because his system version of Seth (more on that later) is Japanese-American, and because he had a big chimpout on Twitter in April that may have actually happened but I cant find. In case you are wondering, they are almost an adult. (their roles say they’re 18+ so i’m assuming his birthday was at some point) Yes, i know this post is half about me for using light mode

However, the actual reason is most likely because he can’t go a minute in a conversation without mentioning how misunderstood his fictives are, without getting triggered by something, and because his two favourite kins are the objectively worst characters in the show.

On to their system members.
They’ve made a Carrd detailing each one. Highlights include Glass Joe, Don Flamenco, Super Macho Man and Pizza Pasta from Punch-Out, the entirety of Snakes ‘n’ Barrels except Pickles (all from when they were in their prime, not the fat washed out ones they’re supposed to be in the time of the series) a Rudol von Stroheim lookalike and ‘another JoJo’s fictive’ i cant figure out who it is. When we joined another server, they posted a somewhat updated version:
and they also explained their backstory behind how they got these hoes in:
lol at skwisgaar getting “”Banished”” because he’s an asshole but your system members are .... everyone else. Also lol at the idea you can willingly push a personality out if you suffer from DID. I’m sure actual people with DID will be thrilled to find that out

All of these are basically a moot point though, since the ones they focus on most are Magnus Hammersmith and Seth. They don’t seem to mind canon Seth (although they woobify him) but they don’t like canon Magnus much. Not for the fact he is objectively a controlling asshole who got kicked out of the band and got revenge by kidnapping and torturing one of the members (and producer) but because he’s coded to be a Jewish stereotype.
(the guy being pickles literally only responded like this to them. it started when Sean posted his art and pickles just basically went “cool” and sean responded with like 3 paragraphs)
As for Seth, he LARPed about why it’s Pickles’ fault he’s an asshole and Seth dindu nuffin wrong.
Basically, Pickles is an alcoholic drug addict. In an episode where he goes to rehab, it’s revealed the reason for this is his brother burning down the garage and blaming it on him, which his (already neglectful) parents believed. side note to give you an idea the kinda gets Seth is supposed to be, when Pickles had to forgive him to get out of rehab, Seth made him give him a fuckton of money just cuzz.

They made a defense of Japanese-American lizard lover Seth (and also shitted on Black Pickles, ignoring the ambiguously brown pickles that’s one of his fictives apparently)


Also, they’re triggered by Rockso. Pick one sean

(edit formatting. also i missed a few screens but this will do)
Last edited:


brb smashing up local tescos
Knew a guy online since at least 2015 who ended up becoming your stereotypical troon lolcow as of sometime last year. He's like Twitch Deer minus the otherkin stuff and from the looks of it, had his insecurities as a man taken advantage of by other trannies. I stopped talking to him around late 2016 and just recently saw what he had been up to all these years later. At first, I found the ridiculousness of the situation to be hilarious as he had all the stereotypes of your typical agp; the picrew profile, alphabet soup flag, obsession with anime traps, interest in coding etc, any trope you're thinking of and he definitely checks it off one way or another. I showed a couple of my friends his steam profile and they also found it funny as well. I genuinely wonder what would've happened if I hadn't ghosted him years ago. There's a chance I could've intervened but who knows, that's all in the past now. Lolcows can be an absolute joy to mock at with their own incompetence as a human being, but the only reason why they're like that is because they had no one to stop them from going insane. For him, there was no one else but trannies and other crazy people in his life and thus, he is the way he is. Still feel a tad bad about it though, ended up losing a friend to insanity that MAY have been preventable.
reading that post makes me want to put my socks in the trash

Yaoi Huntress Earth

My avatar is problematic.
Remember Roger? The guy I mention who had superpowers and made up stories about his uncle and brother being out to get him. He sometimes comes over to my section of the building (I got a promotion) to do work. The thing with Roger is that he likes to hear himself complain. He'll say he has hiccups and we suggested he drinks some water and hold his breath and he says he's tried that despite the fact that he hasn't done either in the last ten or so minutes. He can really try your patience.
  • Lunacy
Reactions: I Love Beef


I have committed numerous war crimes
The most vibrant lolcow I've ever meet was a weird, borderline insane girl with the attention span of a fruit fly. I've meet her on the glorious internet when I was a bit younger and it took me a while to realize how much of a shitshow she actually is. Would be hard to tell you everything about her chronologically, so let's focus on the most crazy bits.

- has forced/tried to force anyone she has ever meet into a sexual roleplays. If you refused, she would start accusing you of hating her and being a big meanie.
- somehow managed to get into arguments in every single forum or group she was in, to the point of having multiple arguments daily.
- if confronted on her behaviour, she would start manipulating you about how sad and depressed she is, how everybody hates her and how she is going to kill herself.
- was horribly oblivious as to why people don't like her, even if you straight told her.
- a weed smoker and a drunk, to the point her mother begged her to stop. She never did, later telling me how she's going to try shrooms.
- was apparently assaulted by her coke addict friend when home alone with her. She left psychically undamaged, but mentally, she has repeatedly told me to have paranoia over that friend to the point of being afraid to leave the house or going on public transport. At this point I'm not even sure this story is true or if she's making shit up. Also, she still hangs out with people actively doing hard drugs.
- the paranoia thing: she was convinced everybody was talking bad about her at all times, enough to actually call-out people and stir drama.
- she has used trauma from that "accident" as a go to reason as to why she cannot find a job and move in on her own.
- claims to have a borderline personality disorder yet has never been to therapist. Also says that "drugs are bad!" and she won't take any medicine because it won't help.
- recently has been buying candles to perform rituals to forget about someone, apparently.
- I also vividly remember her complaining to me about the size of her labia.

As for positives, she's actually quite a skilled artist and her art really is decent, but that talent really goes to waste with such a deranged personality.


Being really into gaming I seem to come across a lot of weird people in the same circles as me, and at my local tabletop game store where I go to play D&D I met this one guy who’s middle aged, autistic, lives with his elderly parents and is starting to remind me of OPL a bit. He’s a brony and loves cartoons in general particularly the new woke ones like the She-ra remake and Steven Universe, he’s converted to Catholicism (was raised in a secular household afaik) and is religious to a ridiculous degree, like he’s rather smug about it at times and is friends with a bunch of priests. He made a vague Facebook post saying something about gender dysphoria too so a troon out seems imminent.
  • Horrifying
Reactions: Broseph