Personal Lolcows -

Ciscoipphone

They're GRRREAT!!
kiwifarms.net
I don't really know him but he is a career coach for some people I am colleagues with. https://www.linkedin.com/in/jonathan-tesser-a2a1852/

Lolcowish behavior - he started a sperg thread by calling Indian women 'little yodas' :story:

little yoda.JPG



Some reactions:

little yoda sperg.JPG
 

Woke Blue Muttlema

DMs might be open, but your heart is not
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Strap on lads and lasses, I should have done this a long time ago but between real-life responsibilities and my own procrastination, I decided against it until now.
Over a month ago someone on /x/ posted a story about a very interesting Facebook cult, using the word 'cult' on its arguably lightest tone.
Here's the thread.
Here's a video reading the important posts and the way I found the thread.

In case you want the nitty-gritty details: Anon talks about how he discovered a boomer obsessed with Batman that "groomed" him into joining a cult. The cult was centered on writing prompts for a big project centered on making stories to inspire justice. Many characters get involved and Anon gets his ass out but the cult still exists. It was posted on January 19th of this year.

Now, why is this a personal lolcow?
The last post by Anon named the guy directly as one Brucius Li Wainwright, not his real name btw. The name kind of ringed a bell with me and decided to look it up. Not even three letters in my search bar predicted the full name worrying me immensely. Lo and behold, one of my mates (not particularly close tho) is friends with this guy and he was every bit as spergy as Anon had foretold.
His profile
131898647_727626701488153_2804665080809787737_o.jpg
Allow me to formally introduce you to Brucius Li Wainwright, Founding Father and Executive Prime Minister of Cultivation and Recruitment at The Coven of the Iron Furies, a group of impressionable and disenfranchised youths to write angsty poems about society and larp as fictional characters.
 
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Angry New Ager

Farting for God soon
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
One of my all-time favorite personal lolcows has largely retired. She finally learned to keep her insanity under friendslock, and I'm not interested in any of the same shit she is, so becoming friends with her to watch her keep cowing along just isn't going to happen.

Her last big public display of cowishness was when she got into lolita fashion, despite the fact she was over 50 years old, weighed almost 300 lbs, and looked like somebody's insane, catpiss-smelling auntie even in normal street clothes. She used to pontificate about the finer points of the fashion on the LJ lolita communities until somebody finally posted pics of her looking like an absolute hot ita mess. Nobody had known what she looked like before then, so the reactions were priceless.

Eventually, she lost enough weight to fit into burando, and by "fit" I mean "get it on her body." She also used to brag about her sewing/alterations skills, which she applied to an extremely in-demand dress to make it bigger, basically ruining it. Pics of the result circulated widely in the EGL community, and she became a lolita legend for fucking up that dress.

Anyway, I hadn't seen her around anywhere in a few years, so I thought I'd see what she was up to. Turns out she's now way off into Transformers, of all things. Why? Fuck if I know. She buys the figures, poses them for pics, writes erotic Transformers fanfic. IDEK.

She's now almost 60 years old, and when I first encountered her in the Harry Potter fandom back in 2004 she was in her early 40s. Back then, I thought it was pathetic that a woman her age was writing lengthy essays pontificating on what it really meant to be a Slytherin, or showing up at cons in short-skirted "Slytherin schoolgirl" costumes (and remember--she was 300 lbs).

Her previous fandoms had included a lot of anime, so she was also a total weeb, and spent years claiming to be half Japanese (despite being from West Virginia, and having a classic hillbilly face). She also converted to Judaism in her 40s, and made a huge display of using Hebrew words wherever she could, and decided to be the Bestest Joo Ever by following frum modesty standards (including covering her hair, despite not being married). That lasted until she'd lost just enough weight to cram herself into lolita, at which point she completely abandoned it.

God, she was a great and massive cow, back in her glory days. It's too bad she finally took her haters' advice and started keeping everything private, because she'd be totally threadworthy.
 

BEz939

kiwifarms.net
It’s a convoluted mess to explain how I got to know about this kid, but he ticks all the right boxes for a future lolcow. He’s “bisexual” and claims a variety of mental disorders, including one he’s probably made up. I can’t find jack shit about Dysgraphia or whatever it’s called. Also the bog standard spectrum shit and ADHD. Also a commie, supported sanders, that shit. He usually spends his time chatting on the internet about his loser hobbies. I think if I dig up more dirt and let you guys bully him we can get a new lolcow
 

Autistic Kiryu

kiwifarms.net
There's this girl in my college that has some severe lying issues, she literally lies about something every time she speaks. One of her most consistent (and funny) lies is that she's been studying at a special NASA program since she was 17, despite not knowing shit about space other than Carl Sagan stuff. She has been creepingly stalking me since our second semester, changed majors so we could share more classes, and calls me honey every time we talk, despite my obvious lack of interest. She barely has any internet activity, so no lolcow potential, but still funny and a meme in my faculty
 
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BEz939

kiwifarms.net
I need to start off my explaining how I met this guy. I am a member of a bunch of discord servers, and people know me as a prick and a cyber bully. One day, two years ago, I get a mystery DM from a teenage jewess. She wants me to fuck up someone’s life. I say sure, okay. She then tells me this massive fucking story about her ex boyfriend and current “friend” named something something (not sure if he’s worth doxxing just yet) who broke up with her because he didn’t know if he was ready for dating. Now, she’s spiteful, so she wants revenge. She has me pose as a friend of hers named Pierre, and invites me to this tiny group discord session. Now, this unidentifed future lol cow is nice to me, and we kinda develop a friendly relationship. I pretend to be nice to him, be his friend. I end up being able to help his “venting” so now I have access to this retard faggot teen’s personal life. It’s hilarious.
 

kirua

Just your local lurker.
kiwifarms.net
I understand this serves to make me look worse as well, but, oh well.

I'm a notable artist in a small fanbase and good friends with another artist, her being much moreso. My friend, "Wilma", has dealt with people acting like groupies and vying for her attention from fandom to fandom. This one is no different.
Introduce "Beth". She's an 18-year-old self-professed autismo with a tendency to only see others as stepping stones to get closer to Wilma. I didn't know who Beth was (wrt to obsessing over Wilma), so when she requested to follow my twitter account, I let her in. When she DM'd me I entertained her, being open to befriending people. I still did not realize she was a harasser, and only thought she was a bit weird, maybe socially awkward to a fault.
She asked for my discord, and when she got it, she blew up my messages asking about Wilma.

- Asking for her paypal so she could give her money (in hopes that Wilma will be friends with her then)
- sending me weird sexual scenarios of them
- trying to buy me gifts simply because I was friends with Wilma
- complaining about not being "in" enough for the "inner circle" (it's not. It's a group chat of Wilma, me, and my girlfriend. we're all just friends and have a group chat because we built the fandom up off our own backs, before it existed)
- messaging my girlfriend to ask why Wilma or I wouldn't reply to her
- found Wilma's address and sent her "gifts" of ... Beanie Babies

Wilma has blocked Beth at this point, because Beth has her address and they live in the same state. I haven't. I think she's too much fun to laugh at despite the stalking, but I'll probably block her once she has realizes Wilma's blocked her and has a psychotic break.
 

fishercat

good for health, bad for education
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I have an autistic coworker who saw a Star Trek magazine on the racks next to the registers and then went from cashier to cashier sperging about it, asking what they knew about the franchise, if they liked Star Wars instead, etc. When he showed up at my register I thought that "I've never watched Star Trek" was a pretty blatant way of saying "fuck off" but he did it again a few days later.

He's been known to organize food and other items in extremely obsessive ways when he's bagging, to the point that he slows everything down because he wants everything to be just right. Then he'll tell the customer what's in each bag, as if customers don't have eyes.

He also wanders off a lot. Like, if we're in the middle of a rush, he's suddenly nowhere to be found, or you can suddenly hear the manager snap at him to get back to work because whatever he was meandering towards isn't important.

I've taken to calling him Captain Autismo in my head.
 

FaXmachine

Custom Facts
kiwifarms.net
Someone called Iain Lee, hes a British celeb. Worked with Rickey Gervais and Sacha Baron Cohen before they were famous, a programme called The 11oclock show. He's a "former" drug addict though he has recently slipped back into cocaine. He used to drink too as one of his vices. He buys frivolously then gets rid of the things once bored.

He went working on The 11oclock Show to various other places, mainly radio, The Lost Podcast and long term radio shows. He's been let go from most, now he streams on Twitch and bullies his frail viewers hes gained via acting out for sympathy (muh depression), he to the ignorant may come off as caring but the nastiness shows its face even a short amount of time. Oh his Twitch channel he originally and likely still does hate the chat, anything that can directly talk back, he does allow callers but they are shouted down, hung up on, call racists for having differing opinions. The chat is more locked down than your typical Wings chat even. If you see his stream he seems to be begging for money.

There's threads dedicated to him on a forum called Digital Spy, its not to unlike the Farms, tamer though: https://forums.digitalspy.com/discussion/2384705/iain-lee-and-katherine-boyle-on-twitch

There is threads for the various radio shows he did such as:
 

AlphaKilo

Abyss Gazer
kiwifarms.net
I joined a contest in a school different from mine and won the 3rd place. So, I went to the schools days later to grab my trophy and some money given by them. Hours later, someone popped into my Instagram DM. He is a dude from that school wanting to befriend me and asked me to teach him English because my contest involves stuff related to that. He tried several time to convince me that I should meet him but I obviously declined. He talks that he is bullied for no reason and other BS. He wanted to move into my school for some reason and I told him there's some empty seats in my school from people who moved schools. Before I blocked him, he told me that he will move into another school.

Fast forward to the first day in my junior years (11th grade), I was busy doing some design job for the class. Then, a new dude came into my class and sat beside my seat. Imagine my shock that it's the retard that I blocked months ago. Not even a day and he became the lolcow of the school for asking girls to give them their LINE IDs (yes it's widely used here) and phone number. He is very desperate, asking several girls to hang out or some shit like that. This doesn't sit well with everyone and several people including me knows that he is hated in his previous schools. A friend of mine who happens to be in the same primary school with him is very furious when finding out that the retard moves into our schools. He told me about how much of a creep he is. It's not helping that he tries to be in the cool kid's clique. Of course they rejected him, he is not even cool at all, just stubborn. I am fortunate that he changed class due to some re-rolls.

List of dumb shit he has done includes: Asking girls for their numbers to this day, acting as a cool kid, being an unfunny piece of shit, asks for a fight but declined to fight at all, insulting a very chill student only to get beaten up by him, asking a girl out in front of the class group chat, being a creep, and lastly, he is probably a schizo.

I dug up infos related to him and found out that his parents posted their phone number and home address online. His ask.fm account is pure schizophrenic - he is very obsessive towards a girl in his primary school and being very weird overall. I have compiled a file of his infos I can find online and shared it to my friends for some giggles. Jesus Christ, I am responsible for all of this. If only I blocked him from beginning, there's a chance that he won't move to my school at all. But at least everyone had a clown to laugh at,
 

verygayFrogs

kiwifarms.net
I've been keeping an eye on this troon for a while. She's mostly active on TikTok under the name "thetwospiritpagan." Her entire account consists of vagueposts directed at her mother/sister/other family who make public Facebook posts in reply. They're basically having a fight between Facebook and TikTok that's been going on for weeks. The posts that aren't directed at family are autistic ramblings about MS, disability, nonbinary shit, or an array of other SJW topics. My favorite part is how they abruptly cut off because she doesn't understand how to end a statement in a way that's not awkward.

View attachment 1940447

TikTok
YouTube
Facebook


Some highlights:

This is her wedding video in which she marries another disabled troon. Her and her family had a huge fight about this that spanned many tiktoks and many more Facebook posts.

View attachment 1940453

Did a bull fuck a human?
 

averagetoid

kiwifarms.net
Daftworld.
If you're a fan of Daft Punk (those people who dress up like robots), you've probably heard of him.
Basically, he's an obese hyper-obsessed French person who dedicated his entire life to uncovering the personal life of Daft Punk.

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He's about 30-40 years old. Daftworld discovered his love for Daft Punk when he supposedly listened to one of their songs, One More Time, in 2001. After that, he's basically hoarded every single piece of Daft Punk related merchandise. He enjoys trying to post others content as his own, and copyright flagging anyone who posts it elsewhere on YouTube. This is his channel, he's been banned a couple of times though. No idea how he's still at it.

1616012569280.png


He first met Daft Punk at the premiere of their animated movie "Interstella 5555", where he literally painted himself blue (as a "cosplay" to one of the characters in Interstella 5555) to get him past without a ticket to the event. Next, he tried to steal one of the huge posters of the movie off of the theatre hallways. Guy-Manuel yelled at Bangalter to come have a look at this guy painted in blue, and Daftworld knelt in front of them and began to cry "like a child discovering his gift under the Christmas tree". What a fucking weirdo.

Daftworld has also attempted to post the address of Thomas Bangalter, to zero avail. Another obsessed fan tried to send a letter to this address, and had their letter returned with a "return to sender, no address" sticker. He stalked Bangalter's wife while she was giving birth to her son in the hospital, and has multiple pictures and videos of him basically harassing Guy-Manuel.

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This wouldn't be as much of a terrible thing, except the fact that Daft Punk have tried and have begged for people to allow them to maintain secrecy so that they can live normal lives. Daftworld has posted tons of spy videos of Daft Punk's producers, basically everywhere he can try to find them. God knows what he would do if he saw both of them.

Obviously, this guy is pretty much fucking insane. He's gone on record saying he has no personal life, no friends, and rarely ever goes outside. His entire living space his filled with Daft Punk merchandise, head to toe. Toys, vinyls, CD's, tickets, posters, clothes. This guy needs help. I really don't know if I should feel sorry or if I should laugh at this weirdo
 

Jeff Boomhauer

Yo.
kiwifarms.net
I once had a fat, cat-lady type of nerdy co-worker at my job.

She was incredibly two-faced. If you did her a favor she'd act sweet to your face and call you "My hero!" and shit like that, only to talk about how dumb you were behind your back.

She had real life Girl-On-the-Internet-Syndrome, where she'd autistically jump up and down and act like a child about anything nerdy, like Nintendo games and Star Wars.

Her diet was fucking horrifying. She was known to eat an entire packet of hot dogs, a half of a loaf of bread, and a two liter of Mountain Dew for lunch. I'll also never forget the day she ate an entire bag of fish sticks in one day, mainly because I slipped on a frozen one she left on the ground.

When some of the older, male co-workers would talk about how much they liked Trump/hated the left (which, to be fair, was annoying and exhausting because that's pretty much all they'd talk about), she whined to the HR rep about how it was "creating a hostile work environment", simply because she was on the opposite side of the political spectrum.

She constantly called in sick, claiming she had every condition under the fucking Sun. Conditions I distinctly remember her saying she had:
1. Diabetes, to excuse her long restroom breaks (despite the fact that her diet was fucking horrifying and there were other diabetic co-workers that said she showed no symptoms).

2. Asthma, which I could believe except I never saw her use an inhaler.

3. High Blood Pressure.

Finally, the higher ups got tired of her constant bullshit and warned her of potential consequences for her actions. She quit a week later, saying she was "being harassed".

Her Facebook isn't set to private, but it's mostly full of woke bullshit.
 

nakamuratoni

kiwifarms.net
There is an incompetent physician named Joel Glickman. This guy is a mask nazi. He claimed studies say “masks work” and some CDC bullshit that supports his claim. I can guess he was referring to low-level observational studies that provide little or no evidence to back up such claim. He failed to mention that there is another group of studies, which consists of randomized controlled trials, systemic reviews and meta-analyses, that conclude the masks don’t work against viral transmissions, have multiple health risks and that group spans over 50 years. Masks are PPEs. Just having a “physician” title does not make him a PPE expert. That would be industrial hygienist. That guy believes he has the right to bully others for not wearing masks and tells them they should not be working if they don’t wear masks. He is 64 and yet he acts like he knows everything when he really doesn’t. How is this guy still in the business of medicine? I’d say he is in a wrong job.

Surveillance video: https://www.bitchute.com/video/nd9tSH383K3M/

WebMD: https://doctor.webmd.com/doctor/joel-glickman-B77553A9-15DE-4592-9AA7-AF858D1D028C-overview
 

BATHMETHAMPHETAMINE

kiwifarms.net
I think my current one is (https://idolomantises.tumblr.com/.) Its hard to explain her because its about her repeating pattern of behavior, double standards, smuggness while hiding shit that makes her look bad etc instead of just outstanding immediate crazy: getting in fandoms or involved with topics - causing shit by acting like retard, digging old shit, stirring drama and shit and pissing everyone off and acting like she didn't do anything when shit hits the fan and being overall smooth brain.

Like there are for my knowledge some callout posts about her and shit, but those are mostly about autistic fandom shit so idk are those interesting.

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There isn't anything too juicy to post because shes on tumblr 24/7 when she isnt sleeping and posts all the time and all funny shit disappears or arent much special without the context of what she said/did earlier and how smug and holier than thou she acts despite doing same shit she screeches other about.
 

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