Personal Lolcows -

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Massively Strong Greed

Thanks for the money, dummy!
kiwifarms.net
Disclaimer: I don’t have much beef with this guy so I’m not going to dox him.
Caffeine-addicted atheist at a Christian high school, loved Rick & Morty, hated Apple and was highly critical of Nintendo, pirated Cuphead and refused to buy it even after saying it was one of his favorite games, very vocal about his political views. Low-key disliked by most, but he had me to talk to and, if you can believe it, a girlfriend.
Edit: remembered that there is apparently a hole in his wall caused by him raging at Rainbow Road in Mario Kart Wii.
 
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Murgeruni

Phyrnus Giganiggatus
kiwifarms.net
Continuation on my post about Paul with some other stories. For context, Paul is a fat autistic kid that goes to a card store I like that throws tantrums, is racist, and hates other kids with disabilities. Autism elitist.

A few months ago Paul came to me for advice. I had tried to be a bit nice to him prior, however this sympathy wore off completely a few weeks after this conversation. Paul was a man of romance, though he has had no luck with the opposite sex despite trying endlessly. He, however, only chases after 10s when he's a 2 in both personality and looks. I tried to explain to him that not only did looks equate to complete compatibility, but he also needed to think of himself as a stock. He had barely any value now since he never really worked on things, but if he got in shape, started socializing, and picked up some skills he'd add value to himself as well as boost his confidence. What followed was an incel rant that'd make Elliott Rodgers blush with all the fixins' such as calling women "self cleaning fleshlights", "cumgutters", and, my favorite, "Chadfucking exceptional individual monkeys". His outburst would ultimately get him flailing his arms and banging on the table enough that he almost got kicked out of the store and he was nearly drenched in sweat.

Story two. I wasn't involved in this one, I was sick with the flu at the time, though a friend documented this. Paul had accidentally bent one of his prized cards at the time, some $50 ultimate rare he sharked some kid out of, in the middle of a match with a black kid. Paul attempted to shift the blame to the kid in order to get him to extort him, to which after a third of the store sided with the kid, Paul got all mopey and kept mumbling to himself for the rest of the night. Apparently he was crying to himself at some point after he talked to the owner to try to get the black kid banned and the owner said it was out of his hands. To this day he will not let black kids touch his stuff, even though this was entirely his fault and the kid did nothing wrong.

Paul is pretty universally disliked at this point but there is still a shred of sympathy left. Honestly I think he is going down the path of CWC and it might be interesting to see what happens in 2 or 3 years. I still have some less interesting stories, but if any other funny ones happen, I'll just toss them up here.
 

YachieKicchou

kiwifarms.net


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See this spergy bitch? She runs the Elite Dangerous discord. Or did, I don't know what the current status of that is. Their boyfriend is/was in control of almost all the Elite Dangerous online resources.

It's been literally years since this stuff happened so I'm just kind of going over it the best I can. A lot of stuff was never archived and people have largely forgotten but Rhea was basically this figure in the community that was pretty hated, but had their hand in a lot of cookie jars alongside their boyfriend. One of those people who managed to get where they were by being the first one there rather than the most talented or useful person.

I dunno if they're a troon or not.
 

WULULULULU

We call this a difficulty tweak!
kiwifarms.net


View attachment 2337597

See this spergy bitch? She runs the Elite Dangerous discord. Or did, I don't know what the current status of that is. Their boyfriend is/was in control of almost all the Elite Dangerous online resources.

It's been literally years since this stuff happened so I'm just kind of going over it the best I can. A lot of stuff was never archived and people have largely forgotten but Rhea was basically this figure in the community that was pretty hated, but had their hand in a lot of cookie jars alongside their boyfriend. One of those people who managed to get where they were by being the first one there rather than the most talented or useful person.

I dunno if they're a troon or not.
Jeez, Elite Dangerous? Was there not outrage few weeks ago about the game being buggy? If that is the case, I think the duo have done something regarding it.
 

07.

https://archive.ph/
kiwifarms.net
He might not be a full on lolcow, but he keeps my interest; this gentleman goes by the name Ramboraph4life on YouTube, at the start of each video he states "hey folks, it's Matt once again." full name Matt Scott Roehler .
His Rants can be found on YouTube, it's as if he's an unironic Avgn even going on verbal tangents about "fuckass suck a fuck." And other somewhat disconnected phrases. Ramboraph4life enjoys to rant I would recommend you watch A playlist created by a fan of Matt's.
One of the first videos or Rants of his I watched was titled "Rob Zombies Halloween Epic Rant."
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As you can see he's quite prolific he posts 3 to 4 videos somedays, somehow he's maintained this output since early to late 2007.
He has a now abandoned Twitter account: https://twitter.com/ramboraph?lang=en (X)
As well as a Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ramboraph4life
apparently he has asubreddit for promoting his content. Yet for the most part the Reddit is baren. https://www.reddit.com/r/ramboraph4life/
Links to social media:
(X)
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NoonmanR

kiwifarms.net
This person is definitely what i would consider a Minor lolcow.
Foxhack(Alias: David Silva, source: Twitter https://archive.md/wip/TV58n) is Mexican national(though he might be living or planning on moving to somewhere in Tennessee, of all fucking places.) Furry that has a long history of being a childish little bitch everywhere he goes. He has a very passionate hatred for Donald Trump, and it's more than obvious as to why. Despite this, and his overall Social Justice Warrior type attitude, he'll swear up and down to you that he is a conservative true. You might, keyword MIGHT know him as a fan translator, and he likes to brag hard about it, thing is he only did a few NES games, like Samurai Pizza Cats(Furshit lol) and Kid Dracula, but this is apparently enough to warrant acting like he was on par with fucking Aeon Genesis or Tomato in terms of importance. These days, i think he's moved on to professional translation, but the source for that is him begging for a job on his website, foxhack(dot)net (archive.md is giving me a 403 error, he may be blocking it from archival, beware accessing it directly.) so who knows if he got it.

What makes him minor is how stereotypically furry he is. He's incredibly fragile, and will start the typically OMG I LITTERALLY CANT EVEN IM LEAVING FOREVER shit furries often do if he is challenged in any meaningful way. He also doesn't seem to have much interest in anything outside of furry and LGBT shit.

Unfortunately, it seems like alot of the stuff i wanted to mention about him is missing, he has a habit of going into DFE often so it might be gone. Take it with a grain of salt, but the stuff i can't show you amounts to threatening to sue bootleggers because he had a custom title screen made for Kid Dracula(and getting mad when people tell him that's not how shit works), saying that he used to be toxic like most mexicans(and indeed, your average hispanic doesn't abide by this lgbt and furry shit) until he saw the light, and saying it's his god given right to be a citizen of the united states, despite not being in any way a related to the country.

Of course, it wouldn't do to have a case for a lolcow without ANY proof. I do have one particularly glaring example to show, it's during his tenure over at TCRF(The Cutting Room Floor). He made an article about some Final Fight game, and someone made a few grammatical edits to the article. This was enough to cause him to have a meltdown, as he felt being the creator of that article meant he was the sole owner of it, and could do as he saw fit. When the admins shut this line of thinking down, he pulled the IM LEVING 5EVA shit, only to stick around until about 2018 or so.
(Page edits, the tantrum is at the bottom)
https://archive.md/9ol6O
(Him bitching at the guy, under "Final Fight Streetwise(Xbox)")
https://archive.md/wip/jutGi
(Guy thanking the admin for sticking up for them, under "Thanks :)")
https://archive.md/wip/ws2BQ
 
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This is a throwaway

kiwifarms.net
This is a shot in the dark but a friend of a friend who is a ""writer"" just published this book on amazon and THIS SHIT READS LIKE MY IMMORTAL. Wish I was joking. I honestly recommend giving this shit a read just for giggles because several lines of this had me in absolute stitches because of how damn bad it is. The first story in this book is what I imagine having Alzheimer's will be like...Reading it is like sitting at the receiving end of a feeding tube which is shoveling poorly half baked pop-culture references down your throat. You stop and wonder why your grandchildren don't visit you anymore as your mind attempts to void itself from existence through oxygen deprivation and lead paint vapors. There are slow burns and short bus rides. This story is a long haul on a burning short bus.

Here's the amazon listing if you're so inclined.
 

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Mister Mint

Gentleman Rapist
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
This guy I've interacted with, Rob, was a lolcow of the highest fucking order back in his heyday and if it were still 2016 I'd submit him for consideration as a full-fledged lolcow.

Youtube atheist, Magic The Gathering sperglord, possible methhead, probable pedophile, creepy, terminally unemployed, ridiculously argumentative, dumb as rocks, got his kid taken by CPS, high pitched, 5' 4" manlet with permanent TDS. The stuff dreams are made of.

His Internet Presence

His lolcowdom peaked around 2015-2016 and has been mostly wiped off the internet, sadly. He ran an Atheist youtube channel called Beyond Gods that makes any other autistic Skeptube channels look like Christopher Fucking Hitchens. He got "signed" onto a "Youtube Network", SkepticTV (who, at the time of writing almost has 2k subscribers after 7 years. Good job, go get 'em fellas!) and he was pretty proud of that. Rob's channel had a whole 80 subscribers at this time so, suffice to say, he was hot shit and he knew it. People tuning into his livestreams would get to see Rob, a disheveled little man in his mid-forties, talking into a camera that's so hazy with filth it looks like the camera itself was forged out of forehead grease and zit pus.

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Sadly, his downfall began when he made a typically thoughtful video called "Gay For Jesus" in which he put on red lipstick, mascara, a blonde whore wig, made his voice higher somehow, and affected it with a faggy lisp and started looking into the camera telling everybody how much he loves Christ, wanted to suck Jesus's cock, and about his desire to get pounded in the asshole by His hard ramrod.

His peers on SkepticTV maybe weren't the most talented atheist youtubers in the game, but they still felt that a guy dressing in shitty drag and making a video that boils down to "everyone that believes in Jesus is a fag. That's the joke." is possibly bringing their overall quality down. Several of his peers made videos on the subject and Rob eventually took down the video despite not actually wanting to or even understanding to this day why this video was disliked. However, even without this video his days were numbered as almost any collaboration with other Skeptics always went as follows:

Skeptic: Brings up a point.
Rob: Makes a retardedly obvious or juvenile point about it.
Skeptic: points out that Rob's take is objectively fucking stupid
Rob: gets submissively defensive
repeat


Rob was quickly dropped from SkepticTV. Although his shitty show limped along without them, Rob never got his enthusiasm for it back and, eventually, abandoned it. He later started a shitty PS4 streaming channel where he mostly played Friday The 13th:The Game but after that was a dismal failure he also wiped that.

He's now on twitter still screaming into the void about Trump and announcing to the world the deeply embarrassing dating sites he's joined.

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Rob In Real Life

Rob was an avid Magic The Gathering player. He loved playing at local comic stores with people half his age, playing against opponents largely aged 9-19. Unfortunately this posed some problems for Rob. First, he was horrible at MtG. Second, he didn't mix well with others. Thanks to these problems he ended up getting kicked out of every comic shop in his town. The first, for being too argumentative and yelling "I GOT FUCKING MANA SCREWED, I GOT FUCKING MANA SCREWED, FUCK YOU!!" at a literal 11-year-old that beat him. He then endlessly argued with the owner of the store to prove he isn't argumentative for the next four days. Another, for showing a picture of "a penis" to a 13-year-old (the identity of the person who belonged to the penis is unknown, it may or may not have been Rob's own), and at another store he decided to kind of combine the two together and yelled "I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SUCK MY DICK!" several times to a 12-year-old he was losing a round of Magic against.

But comic shops aren't the only hotbeds of autism Rob gets himself kicked out of. Stories got back to me from the local Bernie for President campaign HQ that Rob was volunteering there, only to get shitcanned for being found watching porn on his phone in a dark, empty room in the campaign office. He then took it out on Bernie personally, apparently, and volunteered for the local Hillary for Pres office instead where they tolerate and respect people like him.

Rob has been out of my field of view for years now but, to my knowledge, was unemployed as long as I knew him and subsisted entirely on government cheese and a subsidized ramshackle apartment with no desire to substantially better himself in any way, even if it meant getting his daughter who was taken away from him by CPS back.

He'll always be lolcow greatness that slipped through my fingers because I didn't bring him here in his golden years. But Rob could still have the same fate as other public masturbators and even, ironically, Jesus Christ himself - a second coming.
 

TransylvanianPZ

kiwifarms.net
There is this page I found on instagram called @afun.offical that is like this Black Nazi type thing. They have their own we wuz kangz version of aryans called "zamints" and they use star wars symbols and music for their kang nationalism.
 

gikoneko

Internet lust machine
kiwifarms.net
I used to go to a tech school for computer stuff and I had these hilarious classmates. They were so easy to milk it's crazy. They were all atheist, nihilists, unwashed, and exceptional. They would foam at the mouth at the mere mention of Christianity (and only Christianity) They also, depsite saying that they were purely logic and felt no emotion, would get super angry over dumb shit that was obvious trolling. I wish I was still in contact with them or knew of an online presence because they were pure gold.
 

SomeDingus

A bad influence!
kiwifarms.net
Knew a kid from the Special Ed class in Highschool. Him and his twin brother were always super fun to hang around because of their random outbursts regarding various topics, such as Smash Ultimate not being rated T for teen. He has a YouTube Channel with some gold on it. He should be 21 now IIRC. He’s honestly a pretty sweet kid as long as you don’t mention Peppa Pig or some other nebulous trigger.
 

FrogMann

kiwifarms.net
Got a personal favourite I like checking in in every now and then. Jewish social justice exceptional individual who claims being “omnisexual” (bisexual but if you want to be a snowflake about it) and is basically just a genderspecial cis woman who wants so badly to be trans for the oppression points it gives her on the internet. You would think being jewish would be enough but apparently not. Don't mind the following status lads just a burner twitter so I get access to the juicy private twitter content as well.

link to her 'carrd' aka a shitty attempt at promotion (archive) - I highly recommend looking through the art pages here, its pretty incredibly shit for a 20 year old
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e/em/eirs jesus fucking christ

Some highlights of threads as well for your enjoyment (x) (x)

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also some bonus content of their shitty furry art enjoy
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I know there's not too much in this post but most of the shit on her page is just exceptional minecraft youtuber bullshit I like to laugh at, thought I'd bring over some more universally funny as shit things to share, enjoy
 

NoFreePasses

gimmie $1000 for a tablet
kiwifarms.net
I have a lolcow who's head I'm living in rent free.

Ally (which is her first name on Facebook) saved the details and kept photo documentation of my non-kf persona because she thinks that "I'm a threat to women", not exactly what she said but it's what I heavily believe to be the truth.

Ally got me banned from a discord because she blew up a minor incident to be a BIG FUCKING DEAL and was waiting for a moment to exploit to make herself look good.

Ally's a drama queen, believes she's black (also raps for a living), interested in Chris-Chan drama to make her life look better and is legitimately karen crazy.

The only thing stoping me from making a thread about her is my life. Do I really want to go down the rabbit hole? I don't have the time or will for that, nor do I want to give her attention. To me, she's just a crazy obsessive lolcow who has me live in her head rent free.

Ally also has a Kiwifarms account because how else can you know about the personal army advice that's posted above the reply box?
 

Bad Take Crucifier

It was the most unholy thing I had ever seen
kiwifarms.net
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"Special Agent DustyPoncho" is some leftist ween who joined the forum after the CWC merge, tried to troll for a couple of days, and left after being mildly doxxed almost immediately. His username on Kiwifarms is the same name elsewhere. He isn't worth a thread, just a short post. (I also haven't seen him come back since people started posting links to his external accounts on his profile.) This is a good lesson in cyber security basics. Don't go on Kiwifarms with the same username you use everywhere. Google will link it all back to you.

According to Reddit he is a "Discord Celebrity." I don't know what Discord channels he's actually in, but I'm sure they can be found. According to this publicly available pastebin, his Discord ID is @Special Agent Dusty Poncho#2886 ... I'm curious if anyone has seen him in their groups or heard of him, he seems like a delusional activist.

He likes saying "Post proof" and "___ isn't real". He's annoying enough that Redditors have complained about him
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https://archive.md/BgcRD

He is a smug socialist tranny, according to a Redditor.
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https://archive.md/DRGCr

He made some weak attempts to shit up and derail Chris-Chan threads after his arrest, presumably to get clout in a Discord group. Most of his posts sound like an AI bot, or just very unskilled trolling. (He made his KF profile private, but they show under search by username.)
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He attempted to troll A&H, demands forced vaccination and has TDS.
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Before he made his profile private, people were dumping the links to his other publicly available accounts. (Again: Don't join KF with the same name you used elsewhere)
Steam: https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198046631477 - https://steamid.io/lookup/76561198046631477
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/sting_auer/popular-tracks
DOTA account thing: https://www.dotabuff.com/players/86365749
YouTube account (no videos): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9Ojuj1lza_pyxKMSJxQZ0g
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He has a Steam group with a Discord link, but the link is expired. :(
https://steamcommunity.com/groups/TheMothHatGang

A handful of interesting comments can be found online under his name.
Someone is an edgy boy.
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Nerd got his hecking Moderna like a true wizard
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He's been thinking about guns.
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That's all. He might be a Discord lolcow, but I'm not going to dig into it. Just figured I'd share since he was run off of the site really quickly after he failed to ween.
 

Cateloaf

ssj2 Gokuchu
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I have a very juicy personal lolcow who I’d unironically call “CWC lite”. He’s 32 years old NEET on tugboat (unemployment) for years maybe even a decade. He’s a sperg like Chris, but unlike Chris, he’s a middle school dropout. I've asked him once why doesn't he actually try looking for a job or trying to get a high school equivalent training to get a degree, he blamed the system. He still lives with his mom (we’ll get to her a bit later). Since he lives with his mommy, he pays a part of the rent, and the rest of his tugboat goes into consoomer Nintendo collectables. What I mean by collectables is old Nintendo cartridges, not for sale promo stuff, on top of the newer video games that get released. He can very well have several versions of the same game. He’d pay hundreds of dollars and get in debt just to buy his stuff even if it meant to buy stuff from overseas (like Japan ...etc). He has a mountain of Amiibos, most of which are doubles of what he already has. He has opened and unopened versions of them. This guy has 10+ 3DS consoles and he’s very proud of it. Currently 3 Switch consoles. Moreover, he stores an unopened drink just because it is FFVII themed or unopened Mario themed cereal box because it has an amiibo NFC chip. This guy would actually go on debt for all this stuff. On top of that, he’s friends with workers and managers of his local gaming stores. He’d call them to ask them to keep him some posters and sometimes promotional stands. It’s endless really. (:_(


Since he lives with his mom in a small apartment, he has nowhere to store all this shit. His mom is also a hoarder like Barb. She’s a deathfat who can’t even walk to go to her room. Her life is all about playing WoW, eating, and sleeping. She’s an unironic sugar addict who spergs out when not given sugar. She’s barely made the effort to even lose weight, and when she does, she gains it back. Both live in a codependent environment. Both rarely shower. Neither of them has plans to live in a better home. The mom doesn’t at all have a property under her name and they have been living on rental for decades. They don’t even have a car despite living in a rural area. And sadly, they also have cats that they keep unvaccinated and locked inside all the time.

Why I call him “CWC lite” is, because unlike Chris, he had a GF for a few years, and she obviously dumped him and he doesn’t expose himself online. But in all, He’s very much like Chris. He’s in fandoms of Nintendo games, Sonic, FF … etc. On top of that he’s a huge weeb in every way possible which also includes J-music (he spends his day watching Anime). He’s a Dragon Ball and Pokemon sperg (Thank fuck he didn’t make Gokuchu), so yes, he has a huge shelf of Dragon Ball manga. Writing all this is just making me think …. What the fuck. Tell me if you want more:stress:
 
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Zhoban

Bougie von Savage
kiwifarms.net
This fucking pedophile from Pulaski, TN named Justin Wilbanks.
Justin Wilbanks.jpg
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The guy's a school teacher who can't nail down a job for over a year. See that fresh tattoo that looks like it's ready to bleed out sooner than the jailbait in the picture? Yeah, that's the girl's birthday, just missing the "2002". This 40-year-old man announced he was kicking boots with a student within a week of her turning 18 last year. I'm sure the parents and Hampshire Unit School were ecstatic. Oh, but him plowing students is okay, because he says he's not racist, but he doesn't like girls over 21 - or fatties. So, she's already halfway out the door.
 

yasscat

yass.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I have a very juicy personal lolcow who I’d unironically call “CWC lite”. He’s 32 years old NEET on tugboat (unemployment) for years maybe even a decade. He’s a sperg like Chris, but unlike Chris, he’s a middle school dropout. I've asked him once why doesn't he actually try looking for a job or trying to get a high school equivalent training to get a degree, he blamed the system. He still lives with his mom (we’ll get to her a bit later). Since he lives with his mommy, he pays a part of the rent, and the rest of his tugboat goes into consoomer Nintendo collectables. What I mean by collectables is old Nintendo cartridges, not for sale promo stuff, on top of the newer video games that get released. He can very well have several versions of the same game. He’d pay hundreds of dollars and get in debt just to buy his stuff even if it meant to buy stuff from overseas (like Japan ...etc). He has a mountain of Amiibos, most of which are doubles of what he already has. He has opened and unopened versions of them. This guy has 10+ 3DS consoles and he’s very proud of it. Currently 3 Switch consoles. Moreover, he stores an unopened drink just because it is FFVII themed or unopened Mario themed cereal box because it has an amiibo NFC chip. This guy would actually go on debt for all this stuff. On top of that, he’s friends with workers and managers of his local gaming stores. He’d call them to ask them to keep him some posters and sometimes promotional stands. It’s endless really. (:_(


Since he lives with his mom in a small apartment, he has nowhere to store all this shit. His mom is also a hoarder like Barb. She’s a deathfat who can’t even walk to go to her room. Her life is all about playing WoW, eating, and sleeping. She’s an unironic sugar addict who spergs out when not given sugar. She’s barely made the effort to even lose weight, and when she does, she gains it back. Both live in a codependent environment. Both rarely shower. Neither of them has plans to live in a better home. The mom doesn’t at all have a property under her name and they have been living on rental for decades. They don’t even have a car despite living in a rural area. And sadly, they also have cats that they keep unvaccinated and locked inside all the time.

Why I call him “CWC lite” is, because unlike Chris, he had a GF for a few years, and she obviously dumped him and he doesn’t expose himself online. But in all, He’s very much like Chris. He’s in fandoms of Nintendo games, Sonic, FF … etc. On top of that he’s a huge weeb in every way possible which also includes J-music (he spends his day watching Anime). He’s a Dragon Ball and Pokemon sperg (Thank fuck he didn’t make Gokuchu), so yes, he has a huge shelf of Dragon Ball manga. Writing all this is just making me think …. What the fuck. Tell me if you want more:stress:
m o a r
 
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