Personal Lolcows

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Personal_lolcow

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 8, 2021
Not sure if this really merits a new thread but have any of you ever unintentionally befriended a lolcow?

I have had the pleasure of being around a few lolcows in a server I used to frequent and I found their antics really amusing. But I was faced with the dilemma that if people keep shitting on them they would just leave and so would my entertainment. So I routinely made sure to praise them or be nice whenever possible in order to keep them around. This lead to some weird situations however where they thought we were genuinely friends and then I felt bad for them so I would play along. Weirdly, forcing myself to be nice to them psychologically just made me actually start liking them and I did genuinely consider them friends.

I'm reminded of something I saw once regarding Lolcows, they need at least some support or they will leave, so I ended up being that support. But if anybody has advice on how to be supportive whilst also maintaining that distance I'd be happy to hear some advice.
Was the server named Derelicts?
 

Flying McDaniels

It gives you wings
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 24, 2014
I wrote about my former friend Franky in this thread about a year and a half ago.

As it turns out, the poor guy had schizophrenia. Not too long after I quit talking to him he "found religion" , started talking about how he was too powerful to exist in this world and how he God placed him in the world to destroy it, a bunch of other schizo stuff, then ran all over town (it's a small town) chasing the Devil. By the time the police found him he was naked, wrapped in a bedsheet, and praying in the middle of the road. He resisted arrest and was committed for a couple weeks while they tried to get him on the right balance of meds.

Well, schizo meds may have caused Franky to quit hallucinating that he was fighting the Devil, but they didn't do anything to his rampaging ego. Because he was moments away from becoming a crushing success, he decided to spend his gubmit monies on a $300 suit. Then he decided he was going to carry the suit with him everywhere he went. Then he lost the suit. Probably his piece of shit dopehead mother sold it while he was spending time at a friend's. However, Franky decided that said friend was the one who stole it, and so he banished that dude and everyone else in that social circle (including me) from his life.

Last I heard, the dude had gained a ton of weight and no longer did anything but play freemium games on his phone. He still thinks he's set to be a crushing success at life, though - he's just waiting on God to speak through him or something. Any minute now...
 

AnOminous

Only the rarest and smuggest of Goodmans
Retired Staff
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Last I heard, the dude had gained a ton of weight and no longer did anything but play freemium games on his phone. He still thinks he's set to be a crushing success at life, though - he's just waiting on God to speak through him or something. Any minute now...
Sounds like a Lucas Werner in the making.
 

Micotil 300

💕 an enigma 💕
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 21, 2021
I have a bunch of personal lolcows/friendcows! Maybe I need to reevaluate the company I keep... here's some summaries!

-- The 32-year-old near-NEET (she's employed, occasionally, briefly), genderspecial, autistic, BPD queen... king... person? She's a Furry, and ships herself with fictional characters (and will get in fights with people about it). She showed up at my house while I was out with another friend and started sobbing to my mom about how everyone hates her and she has no friends. She was in her 20s, and I was a teenager. This was not a one-time occurrence. Spends the money her rich, "horribly abusive" parents give her on toys, clothes, and conventions, and then complains about how awful and unfair they are because they give her rules and tell her to maybe think about doing something.

-- The homeless (voluntarily, due to an unwillingness to actually DO anything) MtF transgender woman. She came to my parents house to visit for a few days, which became nearly two weeks when my parents finally said she had to leave. My dad got her into a program to help her get a job and a place to live, a program that had a huge waitlist and was hard to get into in the first place), in a matter of days. She quit the program in about five days to go couchsurf some more. She is currently in a sexual relationship with a demon. Or possibly Jason Voorhees. Tried to get me to join in a polyamorous Furry relationship, but only if I was OK with consentual-non-consent.

-- The 60-year-old man who began stalking me, let himself into my apartment, got banned from the store I worked at for being creepy, moved to Texas, moved back three years later, found me, and showed me a scar on his neck from "trying to kill himself, probably because he missed me so much." I haven't seen him in a few months, but I can't say I'm sad about it.

-- The 38-year-old dude who was sexually attracted to wolves and once told me he found "large winter dogs" attractive. He thought if you "had a canine gene" you could impregnate a dog and create a werewolf. Drunkenly admitted to me that he was having "thoughts" about his girlfriend's German Shepherd. Don't know where he is nowadays. Probably either prison or dead from being mauled by a nonconsenting large winter dog.
 

Joe Swanson

Hey Peter
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 23, 2019
I have a bunch of personal lolcows/friendcows! Maybe I need to reevaluate the company I keep... here's some summaries!

-- The 32-year-old near-NEET (she's employed, occasionally, briefly), genderspecial, autistic, BPD queen... king... person? She's a Furry, and ships herself with fictional characters (and will get in fights with people about it). She showed up at my house while I was out with another friend and started sobbing to my mom about how everyone hates her and she has no friends. She was in her 20s, and I was a teenager. This was not a one-time occurrence. Spends the money her rich, "horribly abusive" parents give her on toys, clothes, and conventions, and then complains about how awful and unfair they are because they give her rules and tell her to maybe think about doing something.

-- The homeless (voluntarily, due to an unwillingness to actually DO anything) MtF transgender woman. She came to my parents house to visit for a few days, which became nearly two weeks when my parents finally said she had to leave. My dad got her into a program to help her get a job and a place to live, a program that had a huge waitlist and was hard to get into in the first place), in a matter of days. She quit the program in about five days to go couchsurf some more. She is currently in a sexual relationship with a demon. Or possibly Jason Voorhees. Tried to get me to join in a polyamorous Furry relationship, but only if I was OK with consentual-non-consent.

-- The 60-year-old man who began stalking me, let himself into my apartment, got banned from the store I worked at for being creepy, moved to Texas, moved back three years later, found me, and showed me a scar on his neck from "trying to kill himself, probably because he missed me so much." I haven't seen him in a few months, but I can't say I'm sad about it.

-- The 38-year-old dude who was sexually attracted to wolves and once told me he found "large winter dogs" attractive. He thought if you "had a canine gene" you could impregnate a dog and create a werewolf. Drunkenly admitted to me that he was having "thoughts" about his girlfriend's German Shepherd. Don't know where he is nowadays. Probably either prison or dead from being mauled by a nonconsenting large winter dog.
You really should meet some new people
 

beanbag in a hurry

Got sick of the ALR pic, look at this cat instead.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
I just found out about this guy today, and was surprised/disappointed to not see anyone mentioning him.

His name is Daniel Schütz, otherwise known as Jeremy Fragrance. He's a German 'fragrance reviewer' (he smells and sells perfume) that's apparently somewhat infamous for shilling his overpriced perfume and generally acting very strange.
An average video on his youtube channel is usually about something pertaining to fragrances (theres a lot of top 10/5 videos) where he starts off by twirling around, and the comments are overwhelmingly positive. In the video "My Gay Past" (which is a very convoluted video where he talks in circles about having a past where he lied to cover up a rape suit and how he reconciled using religion that ends with him shilling another cologne after a run on sentence) he straight up admits to deleting all 'negative' comments. As with pretty much every straight (yes, he's straight) male beauty Youtuber he has a lot of videos and items catering to "alpha" males and has a bit of an obsession with the 'sexiest' perfumes. There's also a few obligatory sexual harassment claims.
In the past, he made a video about how he was totally quitting YouTube you guise. He then proceeded to make more videos and delete the old one. Apparently half the fragrance community hates his ass and the other half love him.

His German channel has apparently made him a bit of a meme over there. I like this one
"I also jack off, but I [laughs], but I… I do it for strategic reasons. And I… I don’t cum. So, um, it’s definitely part of my daily life."
He has a tendency to repeat things and explain them strangely. I thought it might be the language barrier, but in this video it seems like he does it in German, too.

So while his main YouTue channel looks pretty average from a distance (like i said, I just found out about this guy; don't give enough of a shit right now to watch) there's a multitude of deleted videos from him.

He got into a bit of drama for overestimating how big he was. He has his own perfume company he shills (Fragrance One) and made a controversial video about how he was going to triple the price.

His TikTok has some weird videos on it. Most are just "guys check out this fragrance" but he also posts videos like, uhh.. these (If someone has a good way to put tiktok vids on here please let me know)
(i dont think posting JEREMY FRAGRANCE MEMES 3 is credible but there's a specific TikTok i wanted to post)

The way I tried to write about him doesn't feel tat cowish though, but he's funny enough for a few videos
I hate to necroreply but oh my god, so much yes!
Ever since I got into fragrance he has been my pet cow for a few good years now.
The guy is a major narc and a coke head, I suspect that's why he can't cum.
Memba those DMs he sent to that one big tiddied insta hoe?

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Chris D'Elia recently reacted to him on his podcast:
 
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Kiwi & Cow

Master of shitposting
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 21, 2018

ThejetermanRBLX​

is a lolcow I knew since about the Google+ days, back then he would beef with Bronies/Mariotards from a community titled "Anti-Sonic Enterprises". Recently he caught the spotlight because he's a groomer, my man is going places I tell ya.
Just in case, here's the timestamp 10:47, but you can skip to 12:38 if that dude bores you, it's kinda the intro that gives context to the full picture.

Also it's the first time ever he's mentioned on the farms, so welcome:
ci09ah0uwaar-gj.png
 

RainwaterDrop

🌺𝒜𝓁𝑜𝒽𝒶 𝐻𝒶𝓌𝒶𝒾𝒾🌺
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 10, 2021
-- The 32-year-old near-NEET (she's employed, occasionally, briefly), genderspecial, autistic, BPD queen... king... person? She's a Furry, and ships herself with fictional characters (and will get in fights with people about it). She showed up at my house while I was out with another friend and started sobbing to my mom about how everyone hates her and she has no friends. She was in her 20s, and I was a teenager. This was not a one-time occurrence. Spends the money her rich, "horribly abusive" parents give her on toys, clothes, and conventions, and then complains about how awful and unfair they are because they give her rules and tell her to maybe think about doing something.
I know a loser bitch like that lol! Not powerleveling, just an acquaintance that is such a retard that she is fucking hilarious with her shenanigans lol!

Imagine that girl you described, but not a furry and with MovieBob's grasp on politics. Has a fucking portfolio of self-diagnosed mental ilnesses, honestly she must have BPD or Narcissism to a degree because she is fucking moody as shit and lashes out when people propose doing something she doesn't like, like ordering pizza instead of burgers when hanging out, whines about her "abusive" family that finances every retarded idea she has, and considering that she has Chris' work ethic they usually fail less than a month after lol!

The most hilarious thing is that I see her somewhat frequently as she is a friend of a friend, and everytime I see this crazy bitch her life changed completely and she is still on the same spot she was before, like a fucking Simpsons character lol!

You really should meet some new people
Sometimes you don't really have a choice, like with relatives. Even cows find themselves nice people to love, and then they become a pain to whole fucking families lol!

Same with those friends of friends that nobody really likes but they tolerate out of respect for the friend who brought them in!
 

A Pile Of Fucking Ashes

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
I know this one person who was in an online community I'm part of (obviously I'll be vague about which one as to not powerlevel). For the sake of convenience, I'll refer to them as "Z". They're a nonbinary individual who is usually calm now, albeit a little off at times. But back in the day, if you did ANYTHING that made Z think you were somehow "harassing" them, then they'd chimp out, deactivate their twitter, send their friends after you and start spreading lies about you.

An example: at one point, Z unveiled a little something in a video on Twitter, and a random person (we'll call them "W") replied with an edit with shitty fart sound effects over it. Z was confused and offput at first, with W continuing to reply with shitposts. You know, just some harmless trolling. So what did Z do? Did they laugh along? Did they ignore it and move on? Nope, they did exactly what I detailed. Deactivated their Twitter, chimped out on Discord, and sent a huge blocklist filled with W and their friends (some of which, mind you, had absolutely nothing to do with the drama.) telling everyone to block these people. W and their friends decided to do a little more trolling, finding themselves in the perfect spot to farm some lulz. They proceeded to go off on various hijinx making fun of Z, much to their chigrin. Z's partner (who we'll call "A"), made a bunch of melodramatic posts calling W out, to which W and the others called THEM out on their own bullshit. Another friend, Y, did something similar, got called out, and deleted their post. Eventually, it all died down, but Z never fully recovered from that dumpster fire. Ever since then, the drama would occasinally flare back up and start the whole cycle over. Each rekindling was shorter than the last, and eventually both sides just got tired and stayed away from each other.

This isn't the only time Z has chimped out, however. Oh no, there's more. I direct you to a particularly grievous incident where they falsely accused someone of grooming them (we'll call this individual "T"). The little evidence they DID have showed some odd behavior, but nothing indicating ACTUAL grooming. It was mostly just their own words and not much physical evidence. Unsurprisingly, T refuted all this, pointing to Z's mental health and being generally taken aback that Z would turn on them so suddenly and without warning. Apparently, T and Z had been close friends for a while, and this stab in the back came out of nowhere. They encouraged Z to get help (surprise, they didn't [at least not really]). There was more to it, but it was pretty clear that Z had no smoking gun to prove their claims. Eventually it all died down, and the incident was forgotten by most. That is, except by T and Z, who have not spoken to each other since the incident. I still for the life of me figure out why the hell Z threw away their friendship with T all for some clout.

In recent times, Z has been much less of a lolcow. They figured out at some point that chimping out would only make more enemies, so they've mostly closed themselves off to just their circle of friends along with the fans who didn't leave during all the drama. Frankly, following them is just more depressing than lulworthy now. Mentally unstable, had a shitty childhood, suicidal as hell, just generally messed up in the head. Hence why I've kept their online identity a secret. I'd rather not start a whole thing between them and the Farms, I was involved in the drama myself and frankly I'd rather shove my dick in a shotgun and pull the trigger than watch yet ANOTHER dumpster fire break out. So, if by some freak chance you happen to know who this person is and the incidents I'm talking about, then I'd rather you keep it a secret as well (though I suppose you could DM me about it if you know and want to talk about it.) AKA if you know, you know. I know that nobody is probably gonna know, I just wanted to make sure.

Just wanted to finally get that story off my chest, though I will admit I got a few lulz from the whle experience.
 

Chaos Theorist

It would be spiteful To put jellyfish in a trifle
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jul 6, 2017
Mine is someone I know personally. To avoid power levelling I'll be vague. He was a regular cynical dude once and a really good friend. Life happens, we all move away but we keep in touch.

Then a tweet of his goes viral and he suddenly thinks he's an internet celebrity. He turns into everything we used to laugh at. Constant virtue signalling, always having the correct opinion (especially after he retweeted a joke by someone with wrongthink and was doxxed (yes, I will always spell it with two x, you'll never change that)), one of the internet good guys who bullies strangers because they don't follow the fashion rules of "rum" Twitter or because that person is poor, oversharing about the troubles with his ex-wife on Facebook, and becoming the Mondeo man we always swore we'd never become.

Don't have anything much to do with him now but do drop in on his Twitter occasionally just to see how far he's fallen.

TL;DR Former friend is now on the right side of history
What is rum twitter and the modern word for Mondeo Man is probably Deano
 

Adamska

Last Gunman
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 3, 2014
I'll just ask this question since I can't find the answer via googling: is there a reason why people just write letters of the alphabet instead of fake names when they write about people?

Just wondering, since I see it often enough and never could find it when I look it up.

Now to get into the post; I always find it funniest when the lamest and lowest effort shitpost gets reactions like this. Losing your shit over a stock fart effect is pretty kino.
 

ShitInMyMouth

Shit/Shite/Shitself
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Nov 14, 2021
What is rum twitter and the modern word for Mondeo Man is probably Deano


British cunts who think they are edgy BANTER LADS but all have to have the same benign politic and cultural opinions.

Hot takes about jeans and shoes top level BANTER.

All about those Twitter numbers. It’s really really sad.
 

A Pile Of Fucking Ashes

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
I'll just ask this question since I can't find the answer via googling: is there a reason why people just write letters of the alphabet instead of fake names when they write about people?

Just wondering, since I see it often enough and never could find it when I look it up.
I don't know why other people do it, but I did it to give it another layer of anonymity
Now to get into the post; I always find it funniest when the lamest and lowest effort shitpost gets reactions like this. Losing your shit over a stock fart effect is pretty kino.
Agreed. At the time I was a pretty exceptional individual and sided with Z initially, but I eventually saw through the bullshit and distanced myself. It was pretty stressful then, and there was a lot more that happened, but looking back it truly was something glorious to behold.
 

NUTCHUGGER

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 24, 2021
-- The 32-year-old near-NEET (she's employed, occasionally, briefly), genderspecial, autistic, BPD queen... king... person? She's a Furry, and ships herself with fictional characters (and will get in fights with people about it). She showed up at my house while I was out with another friend and started sobbing to my mom about how everyone hates her and she has no friends. She was in her 20s, and I was a teenager. This was not a one-time occurrence. Spends the money her rich, "horribly abusive" parents give her on toys, clothes, and conventions, and then complains about how awful and unfair they are because they give her rules and tell her to maybe think about doing something.
What is it with rich genderspecial NEETs that leech off the people around them while simultaneously calling abuse? I also have a few personal cows like that. The biggest one is a 22 year old who has literally everything handed to her and says she can't get a job because it would stress her out and stress makes her want to kill herself. Fat as hell due to never moving and eating fast food multiple times a week, desperately wants to be skinnier because she wants to look like an anime character yet refuses to do anything about it because it's too hard. Anyone who criticizes her for being lazy is an abuser.

My personal theory is that people like this got everything handed to them in life, and then got on tumblr/twitter and saw it was trendy to be marginalized, but they didn't actually have anything bad going on in their life so they blew everything out of proportion and began calling abuse at the tiniest things.
 

Micotil 300

💕 an enigma 💕
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 21, 2021
I have another one, which comes with religious fanaticism, coronavirus, and manners that would embarrass Veruca Salt.

This one is my sister's friend, not mine. I have no idea how those two became friends anyway; she is an insanely devout (emphasis on the "insane") Christian, and my sister is... not that. Actually, this might lend an explanation to why they're friends. The "WTF?" started when she stopped talking to my sister for a week because "God told her that [my sister] was an operative of the Devil sent to her to tempt her to do bad things" but rather than run as God had told her to, she decided that it was her job to "direct my sister to the light." My sister wasn't having any of that nonsense, but they stayed friends.

They both work together at the same place, but her friend refuses to wear a mask and won't get vaccinated because the vaccine is the "Mark of the Devil, being spread to poison the souls of the majority of the population." They work with old and disabled people, mind you, and the only reason she gets away with this is because her mother is the boss or something. Well, she got herself a case of the 'rona, passed it along to my sister (she's vaccinated), and that's why I didn't get to see my family this Christmas. She also went to the Christmas party at their work before her quarantine was over, and tried to get my sister to go with her.

Besides the Satanic panic, she is just a rude, inconsiderate person in general. She litters, talks down to people, throws tantrums at work, and doesn't leave tips when they go out to eat because she "already paid for the food." My sister has explained numerous times that that isn't how it works, but still ends up "forgetting something" at restaurants and running back in to leave a tip for the waitstaff. She can't just say, "I'm leaving a tip," or her friend yells at her for "wasting money." Her family is rich, ours is not. I probably don't even need to say that their friendship is strained.
 

Glass Sealing

it’s a different castlevania pic so it counts
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 10, 2020
I hate to necroreply but oh my god, so much yes!
Ever since I got into fragrance he has been my pet cow for a few good years now.
The guy is a major narc and a coke head, I suspect that's why he can't cum.
Memba those DMs he sent to that one big tiddied insta hoe?



Chris D'Elia recently reacted to him on his podcast:

I’m kinda iffy on it now, he very clearly seems to be doing a bit imo
 

Xenomorph

I pulled off your wings..and I laughed
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Nov 15, 2014
I used to know someone who was an exclusive furry (as in he had no interest whatsoever in sex with humans and was openly repulsed by the idea) but was obsessed with "porn" of cartoon animals, dinosaurs, dragons, xenomorphs from the Alien movies, etc. and it wasn't good enough if the furry characters were bipedal anthropomorphs; that was "too close to humans." He was only attracted to quadrupeds, whether they be cartoons or real wild animals. Fortunately, he was much too slow to catch one in real life, and will most likely die a virgin. It's too bad he had no interest in social media because he'd make a hell of a cow.
I feel personally attacked