Personal Lolcows

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Admiral Piett

Kanberra Konvoy Korrespondent
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 30, 2015
Sort of, not really a personal lolcow perse. But I am a big fan of JSC and their analysis of police interviews. The one which stands out to me is Cliff here. Cliff killed his wife on Christmas, and stabbed his step-daughter before handing himself into police. What follows is a five hour interview of a very angry man sperging the fuck out. about supposed police corruption, his own totally real military acumen, the child support lady and how his marriage failed. Obviously a total bummer he did actually end the life of someone. BUT, it's funny to see him tangentially draw all these antagonists into his life to somehow shield him from what happened ala Classic Chris.

 

RainwaterDrop

🌺𝒜𝓁𝑜𝒽𝒶 𝐻𝒶𝓌𝒶𝒾𝒾🌺
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 10, 2021
My personal theory is that people like this got everything handed to them in life, and then got on tumblr/twitter and saw it was trendy to be marginalized, but they didn't actually have anything bad going on in their life so they blew everything out of proportion and began calling abuse at the tiniest things.
Rich losers are still rich, and likely sheltered and spoiled, kids. The sheltered ones usually also have daddy issues and feel like rebelling against daddy whilst enjoying the money and privileges that come with being their kids. So they turn out to places like Twitter, Tumblr and become radicalized, "marginalized" retards that believe they are oppressed and suffer for nothing!

The other type of spoiled kids are the egotistical ones. Just try doing anything that puts these fuckers in a slight position of submission and be greeted with anger, slurs and other pleasantries. I'm friends with a guy who worked in a place full of them, and he got some rich kids fucking lashing at him for harmless shit like pointing fingers, the way he described these retards made him sound like he was going to shoot up the place before quitting lol!

If there are no lolcows that you can identify in your life does that make you the lolcow?
Depends, you might be lucky to have a good circle of friends that aren't losers. Or just a small, tight knit circle, like these older folks that have around three or four friends and just enjoy their lives!
 

thejackal

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 30, 2017
Jaiden Grayson, "the leader of CHOP", also a parent to a three year old son that will not in any way turn out well. She is legit one of the most crazy people I have seen online. She went to Evergreen college, I don't think she graduated, but still explains quite a bit.

 

Product Placement

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Joined
Dec 1, 2020
Jaiden Grayson, "the leader of CHOP", also a parent to a three year old son that will not in any way turn out well. She is legit one of the most crazy people I have seen online. She went to Evergreen college, I don't think she graduated, but still explains quite a bit.

View attachment 2842116
What kind of drugs gives someone body movements like that when they are talking?
 

thejackal

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 30, 2017
What kind of drugs gives someone body movements like that when they are talking?
Man I dunno. She is perma stoned, drinks a lot and I believe is also on a bevy of RX drugs. She isn't a munchie tho and doesn't really discuss it. She's just batshit insane. Glad you took an interest in her I'll post more of her stuff in this thread she's fucking bonkers. The "code switching" she does between ghetto black girl and the real version of her (raised by a white mother in the burbs of Seattle) is wild. She also fancies herself a singer and does absolutely horrible renditions of Amy Winehouse style songs. She tried to be a full time "activist" last year (give me money for unhinged rants was the extent of it) and gave up to try this singing thing. Her baby daddy is long gone and she claims she's engaged to this new guy (he goes by "staysafeknox" on social media. He's a total cornball brother himself that wears a beanie 24/7 tim pool style to hide his completely bald head. he has no job and is studying to be a "programmer", which from what I've seen he's in a "intro to programming" online class that he hasn't progressed beyond. he's as much of a programmer as she is a singer. between the two of them they are trying to raise this three year old and it's just completely sad for the kid, he doesn't stand a chance. he's been out of town for two weeks and she will leave her apartment in the middle of the night to go drink or do her bullshit and leaves the kid alone, it's ridiculous. I have no interest in pozloading my negholep to that degree but CPS would probably be interested.

The fucked up thing is that the city of Seattle actually had her at the negotiating table to end CHOP/CHAZ, it's like what???
 

wee woo wee woo

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 30, 2021
so i have this "friend" who is insufferable. she's an incredibly terrible person. first of all, she is well aware that servers practically live off of tips and still continues to call tipping "a waste of money". she always talks about how she has family issues, but her life is practically perfect. seeing as she gets everything that she acts for and has nothing to show for it except a selfish attitude (as expected). she's super mega religious (allegedly). although, she most certainly doesn't act like it. she litters, lies, and overall is just a terrible fucking person. she's refusing to get vaccinated because she thinks the vaccine is "the marking of the beast". like, what the actual fuck is wrong with you? on top of that, she won't wear a mask in public areas and constantly bitches about them. due to her being selfish, she gave my family and i covid. our christmas was fucking ruined all because of her. she'll always try to use me to write papers for her because she's so fucking illiterate that she can't even pass sophomore english. lastly, she bashes every single one of my interests. basically, i don't feel comfortable around her anymore. she just pisses me off at this point. the only reason that i'm still remaining friends with her (call me a terrible person) is because she's my ride to work in the morning.
 

Someone's Account

Jolyne, Jolyne, Jolyne JO-LYNEEE!!!
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Joined
Jul 9, 2020
Tell me if this comes off across as powerleveling, but here it goes:
I have come across this certain species of lolcows in my personal Discord. One or two of which made a hasty generalization/shitty take on how STRAIGHT PPLZ support incest [How most Tumblrites would blame shit on LE EVIL CIS HETZZ], then when a friend of mine pointed that not all straight people act that way, another one swooped in and said "Well, she didn't mean ALL straight people!!"

Slightly tempted to tip them off by doing an Uno-Reverse card on them and go: "THOSE DAMN HOMOS INDOCRINATING OUR YOUTH BY TURNING THEM GAY!!" and hoping for them to defend themselves, in which I'd go "But I didn't say ALL Homos!" :unholy:

Honestly a weird way to start off the New Years by eavesdropping on discourse, but cheers!

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Sketch Turner

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 27, 2021

I don't know if this is the right thread for it, but looking around in case he's already been mentioned before, he seems to even have had an account here: @Tsuka Hiira

Known this guy for a little while now, he does stupid shit like this and constantly changes his name (and personality keeps shifting as though to fit in other places). He's fairly known for being a creepy, over-the-top cutesy piece of shit within the legacy Windows and other tranny-adjacent circles. Used to be a troon himself and then stopped because he got kicked out of everywhere for creeping on people and hosting pity parties.

He's interesting to say the least, while he produces nothing too special of his own, it's just funny seeing him fuck up everything he touches. The guy's living in some sort of adult care home, I think, from what he's said before.
 

Micotil 300

💕 an enigma 💕
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 21, 2021
Maybe you guys were right and I need to meet some new people.

All of the "New Year, New Me" bullshit reminded me of another one. I present the Saga of Elliot (not her real fake name).
I met this girl in fourth grade or thereabouts, and we were kinda-sorta friends. She was the type of "friend" to hang out with you and then proceed to talk shit about you and your family to the entire class. We fell out of contact when I switched schools, but we ended up going to the same high school.

Our kinda-sorta friendship continued, and grew stronger once she started paying more attention to me and my ex after learning that I was an "uwu lesbian." She's always been a compulsive liar, but I had chalked more of that up to age rather than personality. Some of the things she told me about during this time included an "ongoing court case" against her sexually abusive, professional clown (no shit) father, and frequent incidents of assault by co-workers, one of which caused her to lose her attraction to men (this is unbelievable only because all of this came to light a day after she was in on a conversation with me and my gf about our experiences relevant to that).

Due to the fickle nature of high school relationships, my girlfriend and I eventually broke up, whereupon my kinda-sorta friend began pursuing my attention relentlessly. She eventually backed off when I told her I had no interest in dating anyone at that time, but we stayed friends until graduation, when we began seeing less and less of each other. We still texted fairly frequently, and I followed her on social media. When we were 19-20 or so, she came out as FtM. I supported "Elliot," even though the whole thing didn't sit well with me. We met up at one point during that time, and "he" told me an incredibly OTT story about a massive drug overdose and an inpatient rehab stint that led "him" to realize "his" true identity. This was at the height of it being trendy to be trans, and I thought, "Yeah, whatever," but I was not in a position to be running people off at that time.

Shortly after "coming out," we fell out of contact again. "He" had begun talking about a vague surgery, more or less heavily implying that it was gender reassignment and even beginning a GoFundMe campaign to pay for it, and then vanished off of social media for a long time. Recently, she has returned with gastric bypass surgery and an entire story about how she "was never really gay or trans; her abusive ex-husband forced her to be a man, honest!!!" while seeming to forget that she told me and likely others an entirely different story. I haven't called her out on it; I just sit back and watch the shitshow. In all honesty, I feel bad for her. She needs help to try and establish some sort of identity and be content with normal amounts of attention like everyone else.

Tl;dr: Befriended a girl in elementary school who already had baby red flags, reconnect in high school, learn she was raped by her clown father, and her boyfriend, and her co-workers. Wants to have the gay like me. Comes out as trans bc "overdose and psych hold, uwu,"collects money while alluding to it being for GRS, disappears and comes back still a woman who got gastric bypass surgery, claims the LGBT-LARP was all because of an abusive ex-husband she was married to for six months.
 

wee woo wee woo

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 30, 2021
alright! i posted in here a couple of days ago about this problematic "friend" i have. since i'm going to be sharing tons more info, we'll give her the fake name "kate".

kate and i originally became friends because we had this equally toxic friend. sometimes, we'd reminisce about how terrible she was and swear that we'd never become like her. of course, that didn't happen.

kate will practically do ANYTHING for attention. from physically harming herself to straight-up lying, she will stop at nothing. we'll be going about our day perfectly find and then she'll go "my depression switch just got flipped". she claims to have every possible mental illness. she also claims to have add and adhd at the same time. correct me if i'm wrong, but i don't think that's how that works. kate is one of those people who think having an eating disorder is quirky. from someone who still battles with self-love and eating disorders, it's just the slightest bit triggering, though mostly irritating when she says "i haven't eaten anything today because i'm so fat!" or "i threw up my dinner because i'm so fat!". from someone who has past experience with this bullshit, you don't go around and tell everybody. you certainly don't bring up your eating disorder for no reason around people who are still attempting to recover.

another thing she'll do is stalk my previous friends and her previous friends. i understand the occasional checking social media pages of past friends, but she does this at every chance she gets. also, she never shuts the fuck up about them or her ex's. yet she continues to claim, "i'm totally over them, though." listen, i don't mind if she does this shit to her old friends, but doing it to mine is a whole new level of fucked. one thing i've learned is that you need to get over it. if you used to be friends with somebody, you don't keep talking shit if the strings are already cut. if you decide to reminisce about them, you don't look back at the fucking fights unless they're super toxic and you want to stop yourself from falling back into that web.

i've practically lived at her house since august so i was pretty close with her family. this might just be me but, i don't think that you can post about how you're the black sheep of the family followed up by family photos.

anyway, the more i think about it, the more i realize that she's actually a bit of a psychopath. any friends that i do have, she attempts to tear our relationships down. she'll either talk badly about them in front of me, putting me on the spot to talk bad about them, or she'll send me their posts and make fun of them. this is partially my fault since i'll occasionally vent about them to her here and there, but it doesn't mean that i hate them.

despite claiming that she's a black sheep, she'll tell her family all of my business. hundreds of secrets that i've told her, her mother knows. god, it pisses me off. one time, she told me that she'll tell her mom that my mom's drunk and yelling at me so "can she please come over?". you're literally making my family look fucking awful, you know that, right? she doesn't care. she'll do anything for her own personal gain. okay, i'm a sixteen-year-old high schooler. i'm bound to get up to shit here and there. one time, i invited her over when my parents went out of town and we had a couple of drinks. she told her fucking mom. i think that's probably rule number one of high school, don't tell your fucking parents about the illegal shit you get up to.

i feel like i can't distance myself from her. anytime i'm going to meet up with a friend, she always has to come with. the other day, i saw my childhood best friend who i hadn't seen since before the pandemic. of course, kate asked to come with. i, reluctantly, said yes. my childhood friend, we'll call her "grace". grace is really good at pretending to like people. after grace had to leave, kate gushed about how grace loved her so much. she's one of those people who will bring up religion and politics at any opportunity she gets. including when she's meeting my friends for the first time. every single one of my friends, except for her, is an atheist liberal and part of the lgbt+ community. obviously, she's just trying to start shit with them. if you read the last thread i made about her, you'll know that she and i work together. after all, she's my ride. kate's done my hair a handful of times since her mother is a hairdresser. afterward, she'll parade me around our fucking work and ask everybody there for approval. "doesn't her hair look so good? that's because i did it!". one time, i got a compliment on my hair from a co-worker who isn't particularly fond of me. from across the fucking room, i swear this bitch has dog hearing, she shouts "I DID IT!". seriously, are you that fucking desperate for any sense of approval?

kate constantly invades my personal space. listen, i'm not one for physical contact unless i initiate it. on multiple occasions, she's come up behind me at work and hugged me. anytime i shove her off, she'll get pissed off and ask why i don't love her. by the way, we're not dating. even if we were, this would still be unacceptable behavior. when we aren't at work, she'll always try to lay on me. a couple of times, she's even gone as far as attempting to kiss me. did i mention that she's a christian who doesn't think the lgbt+ community is real? everyone in my ear is telling me that i desperately need to cut her off. listen, i know. however, i know that if i try, there's gonna be tears and possibly blood. sorry for any spelling/grammar errors but i just needed to hardcore vent lmao.
 
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Salty Squid

Salmonella Superspreader
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 11, 2019
There's this weeb girl either me or one of my friends always ended up in the same online circles with, no matter what hobbies or fandom. So she's become kind of a personal lolcow for us and I check up on her from time to time voluntarily now.
As of recent, she decided to do what every internet attention whore does when they've gotten too fat and/or old for bad cosplays (also a past endeavor of hers) but still want attention from men who jerk it to anime girls, and jumped on the Vtuber train. Since she trained her voice doing bad anime song covers in a fake uguu kawaii voice a long time before that already she fits right in.

That's not the tip of the spergberg though, so here's other some stuff I know she's also been up to in the past or even still does today:

  • Being a massive coomer. Used to post nudes on a private twitter account and gave them to randos for free.
  • Having a rape fetish and writing shota (young boy) rape fanfiction for kids show fandoms such as Pokémon and Gravity Falls. She also posts on her other NSFW account about her fictional husbands and how much she wants to rape them.
  • Buying a body pillow with a sexified human version of Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls on it.
  • ERPing with teenagers, often as equally underage characters from franchises like Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy.
  • Participating in bullying a girl with cancer over some fandom drama until said girl an hero'd (or byuu'd). Went out of her way to harass the friends of that person further.

I've thought about making a proper post on her in one of the VTuber/anime/cosplay threads but since she's a small fish in those ponds (with about 1k-2k subscribers on average on all fronts) and milk has been trickling slow lately, I thought I would post her here instead.

TL;DR: Woman with a floundering VTuber career and some pedo tendencies kept coming back into my online life, has become my laughingstock by now.
 

Piccolo

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Joined
Mar 11, 2021
If you have plenty of time to waste the “indie” podcast scene is a treasure trove of mental illness. There is absolutely zero barrier of entry so the most delusional and fragile of losers will host a show with no topic and put it out for no one to listen to. They’re kind of like youtubers, except that their hopes of internet fame is infinitely more hopeless.

In my experience they shutdown the moment you interact with them in any way. They can’t handle even the slightest ribbing, and even if you play nice with them they get all shy at the prospect of someone actually listening to their shitshow. The few that I have managed to have interactions with do make me think that podcasts are just therapy for the nutcases who can’t afford it.

Also, I’m not sure why they call themselves indie because most of them join a “network” where they circlejerk and pretend to listen to each others shows.
 

thejackal

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 30, 2017
Jaiden always looks like she's squeezing out a turd when she performs. She's played in front of about a dozen people a few times now. Maybe she really will transition from "leader of CHOP" to big time music star!

dumpor.com-downloaded.jpg

God she's fucking nuts. Her fiance is MIA lately and she's been vague posting about how shitty men are. Her kid wakes up to this madness every day.
 
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FinnSven

kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 31, 2021
Well, I held forth about Joe Baldwin, the second most exceptional user of the thankfully now defunct Chavscum board, allow me to flail the bladder about the most exceptional user on the entire board.

Robfalcon.

Now there's a name that sends CS veterans running in terror. Robfalcon. Real name Robert Sandel, iirc. Robfalcon was kinda like Chris, except British, older, and for Sanic and Pokemon read black metal and wrestling. He overshared just as much too and had a way too big an opinion of himself. He even did a THAT IS MY HOUSE style written tour of where he grew up. He was 37 years old at the time (this was about 12 years ago) and he used to try really hard to ingratiate himself with the membership of the board but his creepiness, oversharing, and grudge-holding alienated everyone.

I think he may legitimately have been a special boy, but I don't know, and I'm not qualified to say.

He used to share uncomfortable "cosplay" of himself which was mostly low effort and touched up to include the bits he wanted to make with MS Paint.

You know that "how do you do fellow kids?" meme? He actually tried that at one point claiming to be a "DJ" called "Dinlo Harrison" for reasons that are unfathomable.

He often reminisced about how the dang dirty bullies, when he was at school, used to tie him to a tree and leave him there. He called that tree the "tree of woe" and posted photographs of it then and now. Yes. Tree of Woe. Like in Conan the Barbarian.

He used to make inept films with machinima and action figures. When these were criticised he'd take it way too personally and lose his shit. Thus inviting more trolling etc. He'd even make action figure films where thinly veiled avatars of himself beat up the dang dirty trolls.

He worked nights at a petrol station and complained often about how hard it was. I've worked at a petrol station on the night shift in the past when I was a student. It was a fucking doss. Robfalcon managed to get fired from this for being too useless.

That was Robfalcon.

No idea where he is now. Thank fuck.
Ah, Rob.

I e-knew him for longer than that as he still came over to leelad.net, an offshoot forum still trying to win arguments 5-8 years later.

A couple of people found after being sacked from the petrol station for being useless, he managed to get sacked from ASDA thanks to the floor supervisor sticking labels to his back.

He ended up working at Lidl and tried to pull internet women by claiming to be a manager there.
 

No Batty Boys in Jamaica

Rude bwoy nah promote no nasty man, dem haffi dead
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 4, 2021
Not going into details, but about 10 years ago a friend of a friend got doxxed on Tumblr. She was fat and ugly and my friend asked me if there was anything I could do (fat girl was my friend's DUFF).
I grayknighted and told her to stay offline and not engage with the trolls in any way. Delete all accounts, then put up new ones in a month with max privacy settings and no face pics. The trolls would most likely move on.
It worked.
 

Ginger Piglet

Burglar of Jess Phillips MP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Ah, Rob.

I e-knew him for longer than that as he still came over to leelad.net, an offshoot forum still trying to win arguments 5-8 years later.

A couple of people found after being sacked from the petrol station for being useless, he managed to get sacked from ASDA thanks to the floor supervisor sticking labels to his back.

He ended up working at Lidl and tried to pull internet women by claiming to be a manager there.
I think I did post on Leelad a couple times but got bored and wandered off elsewhere. Though I do remember that board basically being Robfalcon trying to get one over on the dang dirty bullies and everyone else laughing at him. Repeat ad infinitum.

But seriously, answer me this. Was he actually a special boy?
 

FinnSven

kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 31, 2021
I think I did post on Leelad a couple times but got bored and wandered off elsewhere. Though I do remember that board basically being Robfalcon trying to get one over on the dang dirty bullies and everyone else laughing at him. Repeat ad infinitum.

But seriously, answer me this. Was he actually a special boy?
He was very special.

It seems that at some point around age five, he came off his bike hard head first into a brick wall.

It seriously appeared to be a case of brain damage, like the archetypal farmhand who was kicked by a horse,