Megathread Phil buying edgy shit megathread - Your tax dollars at work

[The Dude]

Spud got a shocker
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Spoiler: Close up

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That's not a Taser Phil, you stupid mong. That's a stun gun. Tasers actually fire two little barbs connected to wires so they can be used from a distance. Stun guns can only be used at contact range. Plus Tasers are expensive, often as expensive as real firearms, whereas stun guns are usually cheap, both in cost and in quality. But its pretty fitting that Phil would go with the cheap knock-off alternative instead of making an effort to get the real, quality item.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Phil bought a stun gun out of solidarity with fellow fat white male pedophile Jonathan Yaniv.

 

[THOTto]

I give it a week before he shocks himself while larping. Fried potatoes anyone?

 

[Club Sandwich]

looks like a Stun Master knock off - could be Vipertek, which makes copies of the original design and aren't terrible (and certain models are actually fairly decent). super cheap stunguns are terrible and a fire hazard waiting to happen since the crappy batteries or the crappy capacitors can degrade and if the device is crappy enough, cause an unintended arc... which can cause potent fires.

Spoiler: more info

stunguns work on the operating principle of fast discharge capacitors (think specialized components that power a professional's camera flash - extremely bright, extremely hot) bridging a gap in a circuit with an arc, this portion of the broken circuit is "filled" with something - or someone - that is electrically conductive. they are rated for a limited lifetime number of uses as the electrolytic properties degrade with use. likewise the battery has a short life due to the nature of the device - typically 4C rated cells in cheaper models will not last more than few dozen firings. and pointlessly discharging a stungun in the air can damage the electrodes with the extreme heat transition in atmosphere - remember they're meant to be pressed up against a person when fired.

 

[UselessRubberKeyboard]

looks like a Stun Master knock off - could be Vipertek, which makes copies of the original design and aren't terrible (and certain models are actually fairly decent). super cheap stunguns are terrible and a fire hazard waiting to happen since the crappy batteries or the crappy capacitors can degrade and if the device is crappy enough, cause an unintended arc... which can cause potent fires.

Spoiler: more info

stunguns work on the operating principle of fast discharge capacitors (think specialized components that power a professional's camera flash - extremely bright, extremely hot) bridging a gap in a circuit with an arc, this portion of the broken circuit is "filled" with something - or someone - that is electrically conductive. they are rated for a limited lifetime number of uses as the electrolytic properties degrade with use. likewise the battery has a short life due to the nature of the device - typically 4C rated cells in cheaper models will not last more than few dozen firings. and pointlessly discharging a stungun in the air can damage the electrodes with the extreme heat transition in atmosphere - remember they're meant to be pressed up against a person when fired.

It'll be broken and useless in a couple of days, then, after Phil's spent all his time zapping it into the air in his room because it makes him feel powerful to pose with it. Shoulda gotten a tattoo of a stun gun instead (and probably will).

 

[Club Sandwich]

It'll be broken and useless in a couple of days, then, after Phil's spent all his time zapping it into the air in his room because it makes him feel powerful to pose with it. Shoulda gotten a tattoo of a stun gun instead (and probably will).

maybe - to be fair, it isn't hard to get a decent stungun for even $40... they are fairly simple devices afterall and even a no name chinesium knockoff is going to be "meh" unless it's a complete ripoff (filled with rocks).

i'm more surprised he thinks he'll be in a position to even use it since jabbing someone with a stungun isn't especially easy and the shocking pulse is momentary - in some circumstances people can be insulated from the effects with thick clothing or even just a layer of tin foil. stunguns are intended as an escape weapon during a grapple. it's why it's popular for women to force someone to let them go so they can make an escape - grapplers tend to want to bring in a victim closer to achieve superiority in the hold.

police use tasers instead of stunguns because stunguns are not reliable enough for policework and not safe enough for close-in use vs a baton or just simple grappling techniques.

 

[AnOminous]

looks like a Stun Master knock off - could be Vipertek, which makes copies of the original design and aren't terrible (and certain models are actually fairly decent). super cheap stunguns are terrible and a fire hazard waiting to happen since the crappy batteries or the crappy capacitors can degrade and if the device is crappy enough, cause an unintended arc... which can cause potent fires.

Aren't most of these things cheap ass junk which will just piss off anyone menacing enough to need to defend yourself against and guarantee you're not just getting your ass kicked but getting it kicked real good?

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

maybe - to be fair, it isn't hard to get a decent stungun for even $40... they are fairly simple devices afterall and even a no name chinesium knockoff is going to be "meh" unless it's a complete ripoff (filled with rocks).

i'm more surprised he thinks he'll be in a position to even use it since jabbing someone with a stungun isn't especially easy and the shocking pulse is momentary - in some circumstances people can be insulated from the effects with thick clothing or even just a layer of tin foil. stunguns are intended as an escape weapon during a grapple. it's why it's popular for women to force someone to let them go so they can make an escape - grapplers tend to want to bring in a victim closer to achieve superiority in the hold.

police use tasers instead of stunguns because stunguns are not reliable enough for policework and not safe enough for close-in use vs a baton or just simple grappling techniques.

This is all entirely hypothetical as Phil will never be in any situation where he's being grappled, or even physically threatened. Much in the same way that the average LARPer who fucks around in the forest with plastic swords will never actually be in a real swordfight, Phil will never be involved in a situation where a stungun would be any use to him. His sole experiences with physical combat are the time he got his ass beat for being a dipshit at that Occupy protest, and the time he beat up his disabled mother for not letting him get what he wants.

 

[Club Sandwich]

Aren't most of these things cheap ass junk which will just piss off anyone menacing enough to need to defend yourself against and guarantee you're not just getting your ass kicked but getting it kicked real good?

IIRC from my LEO days, roughly 5-10% of people are immune to surface electrical shock when they're flushed with adrenaline due to the way their skin and muscles react to the ATP dump adrenaline provides. most people will experience muscle spasms and pain and a vanishing small number can be seriously injured with burns, tears, heart failure, or being set on fire. poorly made or underpowered stunguns are ineffective at best, or provoke an adrenaline dump at worst, in which case you're in for a bad time.

stunguns are meant as an escape device, originally intended for purse-snatchers and the like that might try and grab and hold onto someone to mug them or something, and the stungun offers a way to cause instantaneous pain enough to loosen or break free of a grapple to escape the situation. it isn't meant to incapacitate, generally, but the better quality models can incapacitate an attacker for several seconds to minutes.

Spoiler: in depth

the Taser offers stand-off ability for the officer involved in a less than lethal encounter where a duty weapon would be inappropriate or inconvenient. compliance with Tasers however is hit or miss just like with stunguns, and the inability to reliably penetrate Michelin Men and sonambulating potato people makes using them a less than lethal tool to be used out of a toolbox containing your hands, OC Spray (like Red Sabre), a baton, a less than lethal shotgun load, or your duty weapon.

stunguns aren't used by police (as far as i've ever seen) because they require you to get in close with someone who is already non-compliant and possibly combative. this puts the officer in danger of a grapple if that officer skipped arm and leg day, or is smaller than the offender, or if the offender is wearing thick clothing, has a non-standard reaction to electrical shocks and gets super saiyan powers, or is on PCP or something and starts hulking out. combined with the danger of putting yourself (eyes, throat, ears, nose, genitals, your duty weapon, grabable bits of uniform like the belt, your utility knife, etc) in that close makes the stungun a complete nonstarter for police.

all that being said, Vipertek is widely copied, and for good reason as their high-end professional stuff is actually pretty good. the VTS-989 for example is carried by some animal control officers and used to be available for most police officers that worked riots in and around LA and SF. however it didn't take long (around 1993?) for backup guns to become more commonplace on regular uniformed offiers, and the Air TASER 34000 hit the market and more or less killed off the use of stunguns for police and military entirely.

 

[AnOminous]

poorly made or underpowered stunguns are ineffective at best, or provoke an adrenaline dump at worst, in which case you're in for a bad time.

And I'd almost guarantee anything Spuds buys would be poorly made and as underpowered as his brain.

 

[Damn Near]

Spud got a shocker
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Spoiler: Close up

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still looking mad fuckin' re.tarded

 

[The Dude]

still looking mad fuckin' re.tarded

Nothing Phil could ever do, say, wear, or own will ever change the fact that he's a mental defective. Even when he's covered head-to-toe in black tactikewl clothing and cheap knock-off tactical gear, hiding his fat face behind a balaclava, his eyes always give away the fact that he grew up riding the little yellow bus to school. His eyes and his body language will always be a dead give away that he's a re.tard, and there's nothing he can do to change that, nothing he can do to make others believe that he's a real badass and not just some LARPing manchild in cosplay.

 

[CheesyBoy]

And now we wait for him to actually use it on someone, most likely himself.

 

[Adamska]

Still proving you have to borrow a handler's guns due to being too retarded to actually own a gun Phil. Still not remotely scared of the tard who got owned by a skinny hippie.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

still looking mad fuckin' re.tarded

I wonder how long it took him to stick all those shitty doodles up on the wall in the new Spudcave

 

[UselessRubberKeyboard]

Nothing Phil could ever do, say, wear, or own will ever change the fact that he's a mental defective. Even when he's covered head-to-toe in black tactikewl clothing and cheap knock-off tactical gear, hiding his fat face behind a balaclava, his eyes always give away the fact that he grew up riding the little yellow bus to school. His eyes and his body language will always be a dead give away that he's a re.tard, and there's nothing he can do to change that, nothing he can do to make others believe that he's a real badass and not just some LARPing manchild in cosplay.

I still haven't worked out which eye we're supposed to look at, as they're always going in different directions from each other.

 

[break these cuffs]

I still haven't worked out which eye we're supposed to look at, as they're always going in different directions from each other.

One eye on the stinkditch, one eye on the revolution

 

[The Dude]

And now we wait for him to actually use it on someone, most likely himself.

Phil will always be more dangerous to himself than he is to anyone else due to his utter incompetence. A paste-licking tard like Phil has no business having access to weapons of any kind. A Nerf gun is the only weapon-like object Phil should be allowed access to.

Still proving you have to borrow a handler's guns due to being too exceptional to actually own a gun Phil. Still not remotely scared of the tard who got owned by a skinny hippie.

Exactly. You'd think that if Phil were actually prepping for a civil war/revolution that he genuinely believes will soon be coming, he'd be buying things like ammunition, magazines, and a firearm better suited to combat than a piece of shit pocket pistol. The fact that he's ordering stun guns from his Bud-K catalog proves two things:

1. That he doesn't actually own any firearms and has just been borrowing his playmate's guns to look powerful and cool, and to try to fool people into believing that POS SCCY is his.
2. All the black clothes, the knock-off tactical gear, the Bud-K stun guns and mall ninja knives, the batons, the pepper spray...all just props for Phil's pathetic power fantasies. They're something tangible to help make his fantasies feel more real and for him to pose with to hopefully get attention/impress people/intimidate Kiwis.

I wonder how long it took him to stick all those shitty doodles up on the wall in the new Spudcave

He's definitely put more effort into that angsty teen "FUCK YOU DAD!" wall than he has in being a productive member of society or earning his own money.

I still haven't worked out which eye we're supposed to look at, as they're always going in different directions from each other.

Phil's derp eyes are the ultimate truth of who Phil is. They instantly give away the fact that he's mentally a child and lacks the capacity to make the intelligent decisions required to be independent and have autonomy. You look into those dull cow eyes and you realize that Phil is a man who really should have a tard wrangler, or at least someone responsible to handle his finances.

 

[waffle]

Stun guns kinda hurt but like @Club Sandwich said, they are only actually good for breaking contact. To be honest I think that rely only works because they surprise people when they don't expect to get shocked out of nowhere. They're really common around here, and just about every woman I've ever know has bought one and thought she was invincible afterward. I've had to shock my self with them several times to prove that they don't do shit other than kinda hurt. The better ones will leave a little burn where the probes touched you.

 

[AnOminous]

Nothing Phil could ever do, say, wear, or own will ever change the fact that he's a mental defective. Even when he's covered head-to-toe in black tactikewl clothing and cheap knock-off tactical gear, hiding his fat face behind a balaclava, his eyes always give away the fact that he grew up riding the little yellow bus to school. His eyes and his body language will always be a dead give away that he's a re.tard, and there's nothing he can do to change that, nothing he can do to make others believe that he's a real badass and not just some LARPing manchild in cosplay.

A tard could be a badass like Blaster of Master Blaster or Dim in A Clockwork Orange, but Phil is also pudgy and weak and looks like his legs can barely support his huge bulk. He is obviously at a glance not just dumb, not just mentally off, but a complete weakling as well. Even a skinny hippie could sense his weakness and was disgusted by it enough to deliver him a beatdown he is still angry about enough that he's always waving around penis substitutes.

You look into those dull cow eyes and you realize that Phil is a man who really should have a tard wrangler, or at least someone responsible to handle his finances.

It's really a waste to give tard bucks to Phil because he's too stupid to spend them. When you have a tard like Phil, he should be put in a group home and they should evaluate tards like this for whether they can sort glass or do anything at all. Phil is dumb as pig shit but he could probably work on some kind of line with an overseer.

If you give him money it just enriches shitty prison scratcher tattoo artists and the vendors of defective mall ninja bullshit. He should be limited to some kind of commissary without tard shit in it or not given money at all.