Megathread Phil F.A.Q 2.0 - Bigger, Longer and Uncut.

[NobleGreyHorse]

He loves maps as it allows him to apply that data in levels of detail he likes i.e. the way we know every postal code in the land but nothing about the regional dish of the Yoai

So basically, he would be a really shite gamemaster for a tabletop RPG campaign.

"You learn that this cave system is TOTALLY FULL of orcs! Here an orc, there an orc, everywhere an orc orc!"

"Okay, so what do they eat? Or whom do they find to rob out here in this extremely barren desert with constant blowing sand and an ogre supposedly running things?" (Yes, that's a Greta reference)

"Uh... uh... shit... have a plan, Philip... THEY PUNCH NAZIS! OKAY?"

 

[Mogambo]

You know, I always forget Phil's actual age. He's actually younger than Chris, but not by much. The funny thing is, he looks older than he actually is, most likely the result of shitty lifestyle and even shittier hygiene. But the funny part is how desperately he tries to hang on to youth trends. He was crashing youth shelters well into adulthood. I can't help but wonder if he's going to keep living like this into his 40s. Assuming he doesn't die of a heart attack or something first.

So basically, he would be a really shite gamemaster for a tabletop RPG campaign.

Heh. That's a bit of an understatement. If he ever got into tabletop RPGs he'd be the weirdo who homebrews some bizarre and narrowly specific scenario and throws a hissy fit whenever players don't do exactly what he wants. Fuck, nah, he'd make some unplayable thing where he just rants about Dwarven economics for three hours.

A while back it was said that Phil knew about gaming at school but thought it was childish and beneath him. While I tend to take anything and everything Dusty said about Phil with a grain of salt, that at least had a ring of truth about it. Phil is an edgelord and constantly needs to seem "cool" and "adult." Hence his fixation on S&M despite being scared of sex. Phil would think gaming is "immature."

There's a certain irony to that given that more than a few of us on the farms have demonstrated familiarity with Warhammer, M:tG and tabletop RPGs, whereas Phil is covered with tattoos that look like they were designed by an 11 year old and wastes taxpayer dollars on impulse buys like mall ninja shit and rainbow flag t-shirts. Yeah I spend too much money on plastic Orks, but how I spend a few hours a weekend doesn't really matter when I have a job, a house, a car, a girlfriend, and most importantly my friends, since gaming is a rather social past time. Phil doesn't have any of that. He remains a perpetual teenager, but without any of the fun of being that age.

For the life of me, I can't understand how a man who has all the free time in the world can be so boring and lonely. He could at least read some books, or maybe try to actually learn Spanish. As much as I make fun of the bastard, its actually rather quite sad.