Polyamory on Tumblr - another name for cuckoldry

[wheat pasta]

I'll powerlevel a little too, my ex gf and the mutual friend of ours I introduced to her years ago decided to get together... while the guy is in a relationship with his slutty gf who loves to sleep around and pull the 'muh polyamory' card. He and my ex are actually about to go meet up and I'm looking forward to the ensuing drama when his polyamourous pansexual genderfluid (seriously) girlfriend inevitably gets jealous because now he's the one getting some side action.
I've always wanted to watch a polyamorous couple break down in real time...

 

[autisticdragonkin]

I understand how someone may want it but I don't understand why tumblr loves what is at its best the institution that is prevalent in saudi arabia

 

[*Asterisk*]

I understand how someone may want it but I don't understand why tumblr loves what is at its best the institution that is prevalent in saudi arabia

What the hell are you talking about?

Polygynous societies such as Saudi Arabia keep their families together because they do the exact opposite of Tumblr poly couples. Marriages are arranged by the family, are hierarchical, very authoritarian, patriarchal, and specifically not started on a foundation of romance.

How the hell else did you think they could do this shit sustainably for thousands of years?

 

[Pepsi-Cola]

Concubinage has been a cultural trend in fundamentalist Islam for years, in fact, it's expected of powerful/prestigious/important Muslim men to have multiple wives.

Usually, it goes that the man's first wife is the woman he loves and treats as his "wife" wife, if that makes any sense, and the other wives, called his "Secondary Wives", are sort of side attractions and are treated as more like a status symbol or, um, "play thing", if you get what I mean.

So, to put it in basic terms, any Tumblrite who tries to equate polyamory relationships to what goes on in the Middle East is full of shit.

 

[AnOminous]

So, to put it in basic terms, any Tumblrite who tries to equate polyamory relationships to what goes on in the Middle East is full of shit.

They're morons and are literally worshipping actual patriarchy when they do that.

 

[on a serious note]

I have to admit I don't "get" polymory, and god knows this thread isn't making it any more attractive. It seems like trying to split a check between multiple friends. All the negotiating and bargaining and bitchy "hey I only got ___!" But applied to every facet of a relationship.

That's supposed to be easier than dealing one on one? Obviously none of these idiots has dealt with a committee.

polyamory reminds me of doing a large group project and having everyone trying to edit the Google Doc all at once

 

[Salted caramel tears]

Going to powerlevel here as well I had a ladyfreind who had a ex who was into polyamory and he ended up dragging her into some weird sex group.

She told me that at first was willing to get it a go but quickly found out that polyamory is pretty much a magnet for fuck ups who think they can use it as a crutch for not being able to maintain a normal and healthy relationship with just one person.
That and the whole sex group thing was just simply a cult were the members were too smug and self righteous to figure out that the dodgy middle aged couple who were running the group were simply exploiting them for their own amusement .

 

[melty]

Oh look, another "poly advice" blogger whose personal life is a massive trainwreck
http://polyamorydiaries.com/in-over-my-head-why-i-almost-begged-brad-to-be-monogamous-with-me-again/

Spoiler

Focusing on my breath. That’s what they say you should do, right? When you think you might stop breathing because life hurts so bad?

Brad’s aunt and cousins are in town. They stayed late last night trying to understand why in the world Brad and I would agree to something we knew would cause each other so much pain – having sex with other people.

“Why? There’s already so much pain in the world without intentionally adding more to your plate,” they said.

It was a valid question that came at one of the toughest times to give a valid answer.

I cried harder and longer last night than I have since my dad died. I don’t know what triggered it – their questioning of us or the fact that Brad had sex with Carrie for the fourth time that morning.

Mostly, I guess it was the wine I had before bed last night. I got so “tipsy,” I started taking my clothes off in Ben’s bed in front of Brad. I was mostly joking and teasing them, but as always, secretly hoping to incite a threesome. As usual, it didn’t work. Brad left, and I followed him to bed.

Cuddled up next to him, I started sobbing – something I’ve been doing more regularly these days… but this cry felt more intense than all the others before it. It was accompanied by an intense sense of fear.

I had accidentally seen a message from Carrie pop up on our computer saying that for a split second before she turned her light on to go to bed, she’d wished Brad was there waiting in it so she could “crawl up next to him.” Brad responded that he wished she could “crawl up next to him and sleep next to him too.” (Brad keeps forgetting to figure out how to disable his Facebook messages from popping up on our screen, so I wasn’t trying to spy on him.)

That was it. That was all it took for me to fall apart. I’d actually been pretty okay with the surprise “booty call” Brad got around lunchtime yesterday. The last couple of times he’s gone to fuck her, he’s been really nice to me before and after, and it’s made it so much more bearable. I suspect part of the reason he was so mean to me the first two times he had sex with her is he still feels subconsciously (because of his programming) that he has to hate me in order to make room in his heart for someone else. Like he thinks he has to be mad at me to justify having sex with someone else.

So, as usual, it wasn’t the sex that bothered me. It’s that, for the first time, it seems like Brad is falling in love with someone, and she is clearly falling in love with him. And, to make it worse, she’s not interested in polyamory. While she hasn’t exactly led a monogamous lifestyle, I can tell she wants him – all of him – in a monogamous way. And it scares the shit out of me.

Breathing… breathing. So, I clung hard to him last night, while he attempted to sleep. Every time I thought I was done crying, involuntary, body-quaking sobs would come rolling back.

It was the first time I’d experienced jealousy as gripping, terrifying fear. I just couldn’t identify exactly what I was afraid of. Abandonment, sure. Ultimately, probably, the fear of being alone. But most clearly it seemed to be the fear of replacement and the fear of not measuring up to her, of being inadequate or less than her.

He kept assuring me he still loved me, but none of his assurances were enough. I know he loves me like family. I know he means it when he says he’d die for me. But I know he doesn’t love me sexually the way he loves her… maybe he never has. And I don’t know why – especially after just trying to convince Brad’s family that “it’sjust sex” – but his aunt and cousin were right, there is something magical about sexual love, and knowing that he’s been able to get it from her in a way I suspect he’s never gotten it from me… kills me. It makes me feel like something is broken in me. Like I don’t have the magic that she has.

I know that’s silly, because I’ve experienced that magic with Ben. So I know I have it. I just don’t know that Brad and I have experienced that kind of sexual magic with each other to the degree we’re experiencing it with our new partners. And that’s a painful realization.

What if what his cousin and my sister said was true? What if Brad and I were just never really that in love? What if we’re just not soul mates? What if that’s why we wanted to be polyamorous? Because on some level we new we could connect better sexually with other people? And if we were never really “in love” with each other, why do we stay together, they both asked.

I wanted to say what they said was just a result of their monogamous conditioning… but I don’t even know what’s true anymore.

I do know that even if it’s true that we are more sexually compatible with other people, it doesn’t mean I want him to disappear from my life. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone other than my daughter. The thought of him leaving, feels like the thought of my soul getting up and walking out of my body.

I know that sounds “codependent,” but I don’t even care. He is my family. He is my BEST friend in the world. We created LIFE together. Fuck… I’m crying again.

Ugh… I’m back to my original conclusion… Why does it matter if the sexual energy with our new partners burns brighter than perhaps it ever did between Brad and I? Sure, sexual chemistry and passion is a vitally important part of life. But so is the family bond I have with the father of my child. I pray to the universe I can stay connected to him, in one loving way or the other. I pray to god, I can always have a place in his heart and a place to rest my weary head on his chest.

Last night, I caught myself tempted to beg Brad – “Let’s start over. Let’s pretend none of this polyamory stuff ever happened. Let’s just go back to you and me.” But I knew it was too late. I did ask him hypothetically – “if I were willing to stop having sex with Ben, would you stop having sex with Carrie and go back to monogamy with me?”

He confirmed my worst fear – “No.”

Of course, he’s asked me the same question several times over the last few months – “can we be monogamous again?” – and I’ve said no. I’ve seriously considered it, because as good as the sex is with Ben, I’ve often felt it wasn’t worth losing Brad over. But ultimately I know monogamy wouldn’t solve our problems.

Now I feel like Brad has come to that point of no return with me. I think he understands now that there’s no turning back. Even though we feel like our hearts are being raked over red-hot coals, we can’t take it back. We can’t change horses midstream. We have no choice but to stay on this path now. We’ve tasted the world – we’ve tasted familial love and we’ve tasted sexual love… we want both. We’re not willing to give up either.

Surprisingly, one of the commenters actually sounds like a reasonable and thoughtful person instead of a bleating SJW asspatter!

Spoiler

Of course he said "no" after you had refused - on multiple occasions - to acknowledge or help him with the emotional pain he was no doubt experiencing over you sleeping with Ben. You claim that it wasn't worth losing Brad in order to keep having sex with Ben, yet what did you continue to do? Only once you experienced that pain yourself did you understand what you were putting Brad through - oh and NOW you're willing to stop having sex with Ben? Despite the promises polyamory claims to offer, monogamous people who are well and truly committed to their partners and the success of their relationships do find ways to reinvigorate each others' lives. They don't just look for a new one.

If you're happy with this lifestyle, that's fine. I've tried it with my wife, both of us having other partners. I was excited about it. I read all the books, I was enamored of all the flowery philosophical aspects of it, believed in "more love," as so many polyamorous individuals claim. Then as I experienced it myself, seeing how my wife reacted to seeing messages between my lover and myself, noticing how I felt when I woke up in the middle of the night, her talking with him for hours on end, the real, hard truth settled in. These exterior relationships were fulfilling no exterior "needs," that could not be fulfilled by the other partner. They were escapes. Instead of dealing with problems directly, we were supplicating ourselves with the admiration of another. Instead of valuing the relationship we have spent years developing, we're trying to avoid it by actually creating more problems.

Given a straightforward, honest look at and examination of the language and methods used by polyamory advocates, I feel that even without experience with polyamory, one can sense the underlying spirit of manipulation and subterfuge present in its community. It focuses on romantic concepts, such as one's "withheld darkness" being discovered in another, about being able to be "one's true self." About adding "more love" to the world. All concepts that appeal to one's romantic senses without much need for examination.

As Maria said, Polyamory sounds beautiful and artistic in theory - there is no doubt that the philosophy has won over many (albeit easily swayed) hearts - but the reality is that you're only subjecting your partner and yourself to an unhealthy amount of unnecessary suffering instead of buckling down and figuring things out between the two of you to make things work. There was a way back, but now that you've stepped on Brad's heart to satisfy your sexual desires, I'm betting he's only willing to do the same to you. As I said, digging your own graves. That being said, if you're really in that much pain over your partner sleeping with another woman, I would suggest you stop having sex with Ben on your own and asking him again. Hopefully he'll be a better person than you, and value the life he's built with you over the superficiality of the sex he's getting with Carrie.

As Maria said, Polyamory sounds beautiful and artistic in theory - there is no doubt that the philosophy has won over many (albeit easily swayed) hearts - but the reality is that you're only subjecting your partner and yourself to an unhealthy amount of unnecessary suffering instead of buckling down and figuring things out between the two of you to make things work. There was a way back, but now that you've stepped on Brad's heart to satisfy your sexual desires, I'm betting he's only willing to do the same to you. As I said, digging your own graves. That being said, if you're really in that much pain over your partner sleeping with another womuan, I would suggest you stop having sex with Ben on your own and asking him again. Hopefully he'll be a better person than you, and value the life he's built with you over the superficiality of the sex he's getting with Carrie.

But what do I know. I'm just a random dude on the internet.

Sorry for all the tl;dr, I didn't want to pick through it and honestly it's all just an incredible clusterfuck. The whole blog reels between self-righteousness and narcissistic cries for attention.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

TL; DR- If maintaining a relationship with one person is too complicated for you, trying to multiply your problems by a factor of 2 or 3 isn't going to help the situation.

 

[neverendingmidi]

Oh look, another "poly advice" blogger whose personal life is a massive trainwreck
http://polyamorydiaries.com/in-over-my-head-why-i-almost-begged-brad-to-be-monogamous-with-me-again/

Spoiler

Focusing on my breath. That’s what they say you should do, right? When you think you might stop breathing because life hurts so bad?

Brad’s aunt and cousins are in town. They stayed late last night trying to understand why in the world Brad and I would agree to something we knew would cause each other so much pain – having sex with other people.

“Why? There’s already so much pain in the world without intentionally adding more to your plate,” they said.

It was a valid question that came at one of the toughest times to give a valid answer.

I cried harder and longer last night than I have since my dad died. I don’t know what triggered it – their questioning of us or the fact that Brad had sex with Carrie for the fourth time that morning.

Mostly, I guess it was the wine I had before bed last night. I got so “tipsy,” I started taking my clothes off in Ben’s bed in front of Brad. I was mostly joking and teasing them, but as always, secretly hoping to incite a threesome. As usual, it didn’t work. Brad left, and I followed him to bed.

Cuddled up next to him, I started sobbing – something I’ve been doing more regularly these days… but this cry felt more intense than all the others before it. It was accompanied by an intense sense of fear.

I had accidentally seen a message from Carrie pop up on our computer saying that for a split second before she turned her light on to go to bed, she’d wished Brad was there waiting in it so she could “crawl up next to him.” Brad responded that he wished she could “crawl up next to him and sleep next to him too.” (Brad keeps forgetting to figure out how to disable his Facebook messages from popping up on our screen, so I wasn’t trying to spy on him.)

That was it. That was all it took for me to fall apart. I’d actually been pretty okay with the surprise “booty call” Brad got around lunchtime yesterday. The last couple of times he’s gone to fuck her, he’s been really nice to me before and after, and it’s made it so much more bearable. I suspect part of the reason he was so mean to me the first two times he had sex with her is he still feels subconsciously (because of his programming) that he has to hate me in order to make room in his heart for someone else. Like he thinks he has to be mad at me to justify having sex with someone else.

So, as usual, it wasn’t the sex that bothered me. It’s that, for the first time, it seems like Brad is falling in love with someone, and she is clearly falling in love with him. And, to make it worse, she’s not interested in polyamory. While she hasn’t exactly led a monogamous lifestyle, I can tell she wants him – all of him – in a monogamous way. And it scares the shit out of me.

Breathing… breathing. So, I clung hard to him last night, while he attempted to sleep. Every time I thought I was done crying, involuntary, body-quaking sobs would come rolling back.

It was the first time I’d experienced jealousy as gripping, terrifying fear. I just couldn’t identify exactly what I was afraid of. Abandonment, sure. Ultimately, probably, the fear of being alone. But most clearly it seemed to be the fear of replacement and the fear of not measuring up to her, of being inadequate or less than her.

He kept assuring me he still loved me, but none of his assurances were enough. I know he loves me like family. I know he means it when he says he’d die for me. But I know he doesn’t love me sexually the way he loves her… maybe he never has. And I don’t know why – especially after just trying to convince Brad’s family that “it’sjust sex” – but his aunt and cousin were right, there is something magical about sexual love, and knowing that he’s been able to get it from her in a way I suspect he’s never gotten it from me… kills me. It makes me feel like something is broken in me. Like I don’t have the magic that she has.

I know that’s silly, because I’ve experienced that magic with Ben. So I know I have it. I just don’t know that Brad and I have experienced that kind of sexual magic with each other to the degree we’re experiencing it with our new partners. And that’s a painful realization.

What if what his cousin and my sister said was true? What if Brad and I were just never really that in love? What if we’re just not soul mates? What if that’s why we wanted to be polyamorous? Because on some level we new we could connect better sexually with other people? And if we were never really “in love” with each other, why do we stay together, they both asked.

I wanted to say what they said was just a result of their monogamous conditioning… but I don’t even know what’s true anymore.

I do know that even if it’s true that we are more sexually compatible with other people, it doesn’t mean I want him to disappear from my life. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone other than my daughter. The thought of him leaving, feels like the thought of my soul getting up and walking out of my body.

I know that sounds “codependent,” but I don’t even care. He is my family. He is my BEST friend in the world. We created LIFE together. Fuck… I’m crying again.

Ugh… I’m back to my original conclusion… Why does it matter if the sexual energy with our new partners burns brighter than perhaps it ever did between Brad and I? Sure, sexual chemistry and passion is a vitally important part of life. But so is the family bond I have with the father of my child. I pray to the universe I can stay connected to him, in one loving way or the other. I pray to god, I can always have a place in his heart and a place to rest my weary head on his chest.

Last night, I caught myself tempted to beg Brad – “Let’s start over. Let’s pretend none of this polyamory stuff ever happened. Let’s just go back to you and me.” But I knew it was too late. I did ask him hypothetically – “if I were willing to stop having sex with Ben, would you stop having sex with Carrie and go back to monogamy with me?”

He confirmed my worst fear – “No.”

Of course, he’s asked me the same question several times over the last few months – “can we be monogamous again?” – and I’ve said no. I’ve seriously considered it, because as good as the sex is with Ben, I’ve often felt it wasn’t worth losing Brad over. But ultimately I know monogamy wouldn’t solve our problems.

Now I feel like Brad has come to that point of no return with me. I think he understands now that there’s no turning back. Even though we feel like our hearts are being raked over red-hot coals, we can’t take it back. We can’t change horses midstream. We have no choice but to stay on this path now. We’ve tasted the world – we’ve tasted familial love and we’ve tasted sexual love… we want both. We’re not willing to give up either.

Surprisingly, one of the commenters actually sounds like a reasonable and thoughtful person instead of a bleating SJW asspatter!

Spoiler

Of course he said "no" after you had refused - on multiple occasions - to acknowledge or help him with the emotional pain he was no doubt experiencing over you sleeping with Ben. You claim that it wasn't worth losing Brad in order to keep having sex with Ben, yet what did you continue to do? Only once you experienced that pain yourself did you understand what you were putting Brad through - oh and NOW you're willing to stop having sex with Ben? Despite the promises polyamory claims to offer, monogamous people who are well and truly committed to their partners and the success of their relationships do find ways to reinvigorate each others' lives. They don't just look for a new one.

If you're happy with this lifestyle, that's fine. I've tried it with my wife, both of us having other partners. I was excited about it. I read all the books, I was enamored of all the flowery philosophical aspects of it, believed in "more love," as so many polyamorous individuals claim. Then as I experienced it myself, seeing how my wife reacted to seeing messages between my lover and myself, noticing how I felt when I woke up in the middle of the night, her talking with him for hours on end, the real, hard truth settled in. These exterior relationships were fulfilling no exterior "needs," that could not be fulfilled by the other partner. They were escapes. Instead of dealing with problems directly, we were supplicating ourselves with the admiration of another. Instead of valuing the relationship we have spent years developing, we're trying to avoid it by actually creating more problems.

Given a straightforward, honest look at and examination of the language and methods used by polyamory advocates, I feel that even without experience with polyamory, one can sense the underlying spirit of manipulation and subterfuge present in its community. It focuses on romantic concepts, such as one's "withheld darkness" being discovered in another, about being able to be "one's true self." About adding "more love" to the world. All concepts that appeal to one's romantic senses without much need for examination.

As Maria said, Polyamory sounds beautiful and artistic in theory - there is no doubt that the philosophy has won over many (albeit easily swayed) hearts - but the reality is that you're only subjecting your partner and yourself to an unhealthy amount of unnecessary suffering instead of buckling down and figuring things out between the two of you to make things work. There was a way back, but now that you've stepped on Brad's heart to satisfy your sexual desires, I'm betting he's only willing to do the same to you. As I said, digging your own graves. That being said, if you're really in that much pain over your partner sleeping with another woman, I would suggest you stop having sex with Ben on your own and asking him again. Hopefully he'll be a better person than you, and value the life he's built with you over the superficiality of the sex he's getting with Carrie.

As Maria said, Polyamory sounds beautiful and artistic in theory - there is no doubt that the philosophy has won over many (albeit easily swayed) hearts - but the reality is that you're only subjecting your partner and yourself to an unhealthy amount of unnecessary suffering instead of buckling down and figuring things out between the two of you to make things work. There was a way back, but now that you've stepped on Brad's heart to satisfy your sexual desires, I'm betting he's only willing to do the same to you. As I said, digging your own graves. That being said, if you're really in that much pain over your partner sleeping with another womuan, I would suggest you stop having sex with Ben on your own and asking him again. Hopefully he'll be a better person than you, and value the life he's built with you over the superficiality of the sex he's getting with Carrie.

But what do I know. I'm just a random dude on the internet.

Sorry for all the tl;dr, I didn't want to pick through it and honestly it's all just an incredible clusterfuck. The whole blog reels between self-righteousness and narcissistic cries for attention.

Facinating. A tiny voice of self awareness screams in the void of this twat's empty skull, and is smothered in the cradle.

 

[Sailor_Jupiter]

Kimchi... Isn't equating Korean saurkraut with polygamy cult-rural a-poop-ration?

Seriously. :x

 

[BarberForLife]

No apparently she's half Korean and that's her real life nickname too.

 

[Sailor_Jupiter]

No apparently she's half Korean and that's her real life nickname too.

I can't believe that...

Well, I stand corrected, then. (But if I was Korean, I'd still be hopping-mad about it.)

 

[ActualKiwi]

And now BBC writers are pushing it...I don't even.
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20160623-polyamorous-relationships-may-be-the-future-of-love

 

[OriginalName]

And now BBC writers are pushing it...I don't even.
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20160623-polyamorous-relationships-may-be-the-future-of-love

I'm going offtopic here, but quite a few people have lost all of their trust in journalism lately. With articles like this, it's easy to see why.

One legal expert argues that polyamory could be considered a sexual orientation, if it helps define a person's identity (Credit: Olivia Howitt)

Things like this have the capacity to make Ernest Hemingway roll in his grave a hundred times over.

 

[Argonian Scum]

Oh, excellent. Now every mentally ill person trying to self-medicate/act out with hypersexuality can tell their therapists to fuck right off, it's their "sexual orientation." No, your boy/girlfriend isn't a manipulative asshole, they cheated on you because they literally just realized they're naturally polyamorous and if you get upset or dump them, you're certifiably a kweerfobik bigot. Wonderful.

 

[Urban Superstition]

Hypersexuality isn't even officially recognized as a mental illness, and yet these people are trying to say that a relationship-destroying, potentially dangerous condition/symptom of something bigger should just be accepted and left to fester?

 

[Melkor]

Hypersexuality isn't even officially recognized as a mental illness, and yet these people are trying to say that a relationship-destroying, potentially dangerous condition/symptom of something bigger should just be accepted and left to fester?

There's a word for that. It's called nymphomania.

 

[Ellinika]

I'll powerlevel a little too, my ex gf and the mutual friend of ours I introduced to her years ago decided to get together... while the guy is in a relationship with his slutty gf who loves to sleep around and pull the 'muh polyamory' card. He and my ex are actually about to go meet up and I'm looking forward to the ensuing drama when his polyamourous pansexual genderfluid (seriously) girlfriend inevitably gets jealous because now he's the one getting some side action.
I've always wanted to watch a polyamorous couple break down in real time...

So what ended up happening?

 

[wheat pasta]

So what ended up happening?

Fucked if I know, he hasn't said a word to me. I'm gonna check next time I get ahold of him.