Polyamory -

[autisticdragonkin]

What do other kiwis think about polyamory
I think that it is good from a utilitarian perspective because it allows for people to get higher quality romantic partners and thus generates an increase in net utility

 

[Johnny Bravo]

The idea that one can have romantic feelings about more than one person should be a no brainer. I was roommates with a group who were in a three-way romantic relationship and they were all pretty chill about it. It's the kind of arrangement you'd have to work out with your partners to make sure everyone is okay with it, which they did. I'm not sure if they're still together.

Legally I can't think of any reason to be against it, except maybe that it's close to polygamy, by which I mean one man with many wives. Polyamory isn't necessarily the same as you could have a mix of men and women. I don't have a political stance on it because I don't feel I have enough information.

Basically, do whatever you want.

 

[OtterParty]

I was roommates with a group who were in a three-way romantic relationship

dude you got cucked

 

[Johnny Bravo]

dude you got cucked

They shared their weed with me so it was all good.

 

[Bokrug's Basement]

I can barely manage a relationship with one person.

 

[Johnny Bravo]

I can barely manage a relationship with one person.

I think a lot of people have that problem. This is what I see as the main obstacle preventing polyamorous relationships from ever becoming mainstream, that people are just unpredictable and hard to get along with, not to mention most of us prefer to spend our energy on just one romantic partner.

 

[AnOminous]

I think a lot of people have that problem. This is what I see as the main obstacle preventing polyamorous relationships from ever becoming mainstream, that people are just unpredictable and hard to get along with, not to mention most of us prefer to spend our energy on just one romantic partner.

More people in relationship = more shit to go wrong

 

[exball]

I don't think I would do it, it could possibly work for some people.

 

[EI 903]

It can work, but it's a bigger pain in the ass to manage than monogamy. Time sharing and more-people-more-problems issues are the most common ones.

 

[melty]

I guess idealistically I can see it, but most poly people are drama cows with a ton of issues.

 

[Bogs]

You can't be two people, so you shouldn't see two people. If you want to be with someone else, then you probably should probably quit the one you're seeing.

 

[autisticdragonkin]

You can't be two people, so you shouldn't see two people. If you want to be with someone else, then you probably should probably quit the one you're seeing.

But what if two people will get enough enjoyment from being with you for a smaller time period such that taking diminishing returns into account there is a greater net utility from seeing multiple people. Then you are altruistically being polyamorous

Legally I can't think of any reason to be against it, except maybe that it's close to polygamy, by which I mean one man with many wives. Polyamory isn't necessarily the same as you could have a mix of men and women. I don't have a political stance on it because I don't feel I have enough information.

Why is polygyny (one man with many wives) a bad thing

 

[Bogs]

But what if two people will get enough enjoyment from being with you for a smaller time period such that taking diminishing returns into account there is a greater net utility from seeing multiple people. Then you are altruistically being polyamorous

You're not taking into account things like devotion and jealousy. Also cut up that first sentence.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

seems that most people that are poly spend more time justifying being poly than anything

 

[ChuckSlaughter]

You're not taking into account things like devotion and jealousy. Also cut up that first sentence.

I never get jealous and demonstrations of devotion are just reassurances for an insecure partner i couldn't give a fuck about them. I think the strongest argument against the arrangement is the difficulty of maintaining a normal relationship. Tbh I don't think guys get much out of dedicated relationships period but falling in love happens and you know it's going to hurt your partner to have a bunch of side chicks so.

seems that most people that are poly spend more time justifying being poly than anything

I fucking hate when someone tells me they're poly for some reason, like I don't care, I'm not shocked, I'm not that impressed you have more than one set of genitals to play with and using the 17 syllable word polyamorous feels tumblr-y to me which is a serious turn off.

 

[melty]

Hulk Hogan is right. I'm not gonna say anecdotes are really evidence or anything but I know a lot of poly people for some reason. I wish I didn't and when I meet new people who tell me they are poly it is a huge red flag.
Think about it; the way most people date, you are generally in one relationship at a time, maybe two or three casual relationships if you are trying to meet someone you want to date or you're a cheating shit. You also have a similar past where you were dating one person at a time. So your drama is limited to the person you are dating now, and the few people you dated in the past.
When you're poly, this multiplies exponentially. The drama never fucking ends. One of my friends broke up with 3 different women, all long term relationships, in the course of two weeks; breaking up with one person is hard enough, can you imagine breaking up with three? Like I said, the drama multiplies exponentially.
There are clear exploitation issues. One guy I knew was dating two women; one was much older than the other who was barely 18, to the point people thought the first woman was the second's mother. Both girls were free to date other people but the relationship was obviously exploitative to the point that the younger girl ended up literally running away and cutting off all ties to the couple. She was barely mature enough to be in a mono relationship, much less that situation.
It's not just men that use polyamory to exploit other people. In another situation, one of my male friends was dating a girl who decided she wanted to open up the relationship. My friend is a massive cuck so he agreed to it, though it pretty much only resulted in her banging a bunch of dudes she met online because he was a shy person who wasn't great at meeting women, which she knew. She didn't give a shit about him and was obviously just using him to pay for her apartment and lifestyle while banging other men. Eventually they broke up and he got into sex clubs, where he met a married poly woman. Her birth control failed and he got her pregnant, and she divorced her husband, and now he suddenly has a baby with this random sex club woman.
I know that sounds ridiculously over the top and exploitation can happen in any mono relationship. But I so rarely see remotely functioning poly relationships. Like Hulk said, poly people spend a shitton of time justifying being poly. They are emotionally immature. They don't understand moderation, and have an immature view of sex. They have broken lives they try to fill up with more people without improving the connections they already have. You can see this in people like Zayn, who admits to not getting tested for STDs, and my male friend. In an ideal world, it would be great to have whatever sex you want without any consequences; in the real world that doesn't work. Zayn, and my friend and many other poly people choose to ignore this in favor of short term satisfaction. It's very much an "I want everything and I want it now!" attitude.
I will say I know one functioning poly couple; I don't know much about their lifestyle because they don't talk about it incessantly like most other poly people. I'm pretty sure their gig is that they each occasionally pick up strangers at clubs, but don't juggle multiple relationships all the time.

 

[autisticdragonkin]

Also cut up that first sentence.

If there were two women who wanted to be with one man and the functions for the amount of utility (pleasure) that they get per hour with him were both ln(h) with h representing the amount of hours he spends with them and he has a total of 8 hours a day to spend with them then the formula for net utility would be ln(h)+ln(8-h) then the highest net utility would be at spending 4 hours with each woman. Therefore independent of the utility that the man gets from being with each woman the system which gives the maximum total utility for the women is for each to spend 4 hours with him each

 

[ChuckSlaughter]

If there were two women who wanted to be with one man and the functions for the amount of utility (pleasure) that they get per hour with him were both ln(h) with h representing the amount of hours he spends with them and he has a total of 8 hours a day to spend with them then the formula for net utility would be ln(h)+ln(8-h) then the highest net utility would be at spending 4 hours with each woman. Therefore independent of the utility that the man gets from being with each woman the system which gives the maximum total utility for the women is for each to spend 4 hours with him each

Most couples with no kids just spend their time eating pizza rolls and watching netflix stoned anyhow.

 

[autisticdragonkin]

Most couples with no kids just spend their time eating pizza rolls and watching netflix stoned anyhow.

Raising kids will also be more efficient due to economies of scale

 

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

Raising kids will also be more efficient due to economies of scale

Yeah, until that kid hits middle school. Rumors get around. How sensitive do you expect his peers to be when they notice that his mom seems awful friendly with a lot of different men?
I guess more people in the dynamic means they can all pitch in for therapy.
Gotta agree with @AnOminous; relationships are tough enough without an additional set of insecurities and problems to work through. I'm not opposed to the idea of poly, per se, but I've never seen any evidence of it working in practice. What I've seen is a half-dozen couples with breathtaking trust issues who all insist that their experience with poly "isn't typical". Without wanting to seem judgmental, poly seems like the kind of thing a couple resorts to because their relationship with each other can't survive on its own merits.