Post videogame things that wouldn't be acceptable today. -

[Overcast]

The first Sly Cooper would not get the E rating if it came out today. Mostly due to all the smoking. The fact that they got away with that in the early 2000's is a bit surprising. The story was also pretty intense for a game aimed at children.

Hey kids! My name’s Sly Cooper! And my parents got horribly murdered by a deranged robot owl who’s been stalking my family for generations and is obsessed with wiping out my entire genetic line!

Also I have the hots for the Interpol officer trying to arrest me!

 

[Elysian]

The remake of the first Postal game changed the ending from the main character shooting up an elementary school to them shooting up an Air Force base and then walking through a spooky churchyard.

 

[Jeff Boomhauer]

Despite how much Nintendo likes to port the NES game featuring Mr. Dream, they'll probably never make another Punch-Out!! game again. Granted, there's not a lot you can really do with the series, but still.

The only way I could see it not getting Nintendo in hot water is if the main character were a POC beating up a bunch of mean, white dudes and "non-stereotypical" POCs.

And they're definitely never going to use a celebrity like Mike Tyson to promote the game, but that's beside the point.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

I'm surprised the Bethesda Fallout games have schools in them. It's especially weird in Fallout 4 because that came out a few years after Sandy Hook. Persona 2 Innocent Sin didn't get a Western PS1 release because of Columbine but Bethesda can get away with letting you run around a middle school with guns. I know video games were under more scrutiny in 1999, but still.

 

[Dysnomia]

I don't care if Nintendo wants to say she was just a healer, this babe is sucking and fucking Link to full health.

I'm convinced that such an allusion could never be in another Zelda game which is sad as it showed the devs had a sense of humor.

Even as a kid I knew something was up with these sluts. And the old lady that refills your magic. Link's getting himself some GMILF action.

 

[Cardenio]

Despite how much Nintendo likes to port the NES game featuring Mr. Dream, they'll probably never make another Punch-Out!! game again. Granted, there's not a lot you can really do with the series, but still.

The only way I could see it not getting Nintendo in hot water is if the main character were a POC beating up a bunch of mean, white dudes and "non-stereotypical" POCs.

And they're definitely never going to use a celebrity like Mike Tyson to promote the game, but that's beside the point.

Punch-Out Wii did very well commercially, believe it reached 1 million units sold. I'd be surprised if they don't eventually port it over it to the Switch.

For sure the series will never get another sequel as saucy as the SNES Super Punch-Out. I can understand how people could be offended by that game. One of the Black Boxer's coaches even tells him to "Shuck & Jive."

 

[Jeff Boomhauer]

For sure the series will never get another sequel as saucy as the SNES Super Punch-Out. I can understand how people could be offended by that game. One of the Black Boxer's coaches even tells him to "Shuck & Jive."

Surprised someone on Twitter hasn't made a crusade about Heike Kagero being homo/trans/what-the-fuck-everphobic.

 

[Cardenio]

Surprised someone on Twitter hasn't made a crusade about Heike Kagero being homo/trans/what-the-fuck-everphobic.

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That's what was cool about the Punch-Out games, yes it was the Japanese (fun fact Miyamoto designed the boxers of the arcade games) but the game designers weren't dicks and mocked themselves. Piston Honda and Kagero are total stereotypes, it's all in fun. Only nationality I could see getting asspained by Punch-Out are Frenchies for Glass Joe and they deserve to get laughed at.

Punch-Out Wii is a great game with a surprising amount of content. Don't think anyone's gonna fond over the OC Boxers like "Disco Kid."

 

[Massively Strong Greed]

That's what was cool about the Punch-Out games, yes it was the Japanese (fun fact Miyamoto designed the boxers of the arcade games) but the game designers weren't dicks and mocked themselves. Piston Honda and Kagero are total stereotypes, it's all in fun. Only nationality I could see getting asspained by Punch-Out are Frenchies for Glass Joe and they deserve to get laughed at.

Punch-Out Wii is a great game with a surprising amount of content. Don't think anyone's gonna fond over the OC Boxers like "Disco Kid."

I think Disco Kid was the only original character in that game unless you count Giga Mac. They'd need to make at least 11 more OCs for a new game if they wanted to pander to the woke crowd.

 

[Borax Bozo]

I don't care if Nintendo wants to say she was just a healer, this babe is sucking and fucking Link to full health.

I'm convinced that such an allusion could never be in another Zelda game which is sad as it showed the devs had a sense of humor.

Nothing quite like that, but Wind Waker does allow you to hit on the Rito child Medli at one point as a semi-secret option...

 

[MaxPayne]

I feel like caesars legion in fallout new vegas being a joinable faction and practicing slavery while treating women like breeding cattle would stir up a lot of shit today.

https://youtu.be/w0vIybiy0XM

https://youtu.be/NyeTaXv6o4Y

 

[An Ghost]

Speaking of Caesar's legion, the only companion who was going to be sympathetic to the Legion got cut. Ulysses didn't make it into the final game at launch despite being in promotional art. According to Sawyer, he had too much dialog to fit on physical discs. The character with the second most is Cass, the alcoholic basic country white girl who they literally had to patch to make shut the fuck up. So imagine you find out the only black companion is working for the bad guy, his dread locked tribe became literal slaves or crucified, and then they cut him out of the game. And worst of all, he thinks history is important and loves America. Sickening. He's even named after Ulysses S Grant! When he does make it in the game, he's literally the cause of all the courier's problems and launches a nuke. Because you ruined his life. That said, I love Ulysses. The loss of his original dialog is a shame because I love his voice. He doesn't make everybody's top 10 characters list but he's up there for a lot of people.

Let's compare him to Fallout 4's token companion: Preston Garvey. Everybody hates him. He's either on everybody's fuck off list or too dumb for a mention. He's entitled and pathetic and literally says after he loses his friends, he's gonna let himself die. Not kill himself, just die. He doesn't even want revenge! He worships the idea of minute men in a shallow impersonation of farmers with muskets. Nothing about founding fathers or 1776. Just hurh pointy hats. But he makes it into the trailer, is the first companion you meet, and is the go to in the fall back faction. This is the character the game really wants you to have. He's soft and shitty when what we really want is another Ulysses: a man who is tough as he is smart and isn't afraid to stand up for, or die for, what he believes in. Fallout NV is 10 years old and I still think about it everyday.

 

[knightlautrec]

Ballz
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ballz ballz ballz ballz lol

Snatcher
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Snatcher is fucking bad ass. IIRC it has a line about degenerate trannies switching genders and being gross and Woolie from Zaibatsu handwringing over it in their LP of it.

Haunting Ground as a whole. A busty 18-year-old girl with absurd jiggle physics and skimpy clothes getting chased around by crazy people - a couple of whom she’s related to - with major themes of rape and sexual abuse? Yeah, not a chance.

It's hilarious because most of the hard-core fans of that game? Are women. (Same with Rule of Rose) We like Fiona and her outfit (that cowboy alt one is stupid but cute) and Dani is a fandom favorite. It's a niche one fandom wise but I assure you the ones writing fanfics and fanart and cosplaying after all these years? Aren't dudes.

 

[L50LasPak]

That bit in Maniac Mansion where you steal a hamster from a (literal) retarded kid. You have the option of putting it in as microwave, and turning said microwave on. Which causes the hamster to explode, and your character will say something to the effect of "Woah, cool!" As if that was already psychotic enough, after doing this you can go up to said retard and tell him that his pet hamster is dead, at which point he will react like... well, a retard who's pet just died horribly. On top of this you can take the fucking corpse of the hamster from the microwave and show it to the guy.

I think you'd be hard pressed to find just about anyone these days who thinks something like that is a funny prank. Unlike all of the Current Year stuff most people are complaining, I think even the most hardcore gore hounds tend to draw the line at pointless animal murder. I could see something like that maybe happening in like, Postal, but Maniac Mansion doesn't have anywhere near that kind of tone.

 

[Massively Strong Greed]

That bit in Maniac Mansion where you steal a hamster from a (literal) retarded kid. You have the option of putting it in as microwave, and turning said microwave on. Which causes the hamster to explode, and your character will say something to the effect of "Woah, cool!" As if that was already psychotic enough, after doing this you can go up to said retard and tell him that his pet hamster is dead, at which point he will react like... well, a retard who's pet just died horribly. On top of this you can take the fucking corpse of the hamster from the microwave and show it to the guy.

I think you'd be hard pressed to find just about anyone these days who thinks something like that is a funny prank. Unlike all of the Current Year stuff most people are complaining, I think even the most hardcore gore hounds tend to draw the line at pointless animal murder. I could see something like that maybe happening in like, Postal, but Maniac Mansion doesn't have anywhere near that kind of tone.

It’s weird how inconsistent the Nintendo censors were back in the day. Maniac Mansion has blood all over the title screen, Abadox is full of blood, the Water of Life in Kid Icarus still looks like wine (even though it’s sake)...

 

[SITHRAK!]

C&C: Generals would absolutely be haram in $CURRENT_YEAR.
Beijing being nuked, and CCP being portrayed as commies
AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!
Sandniggers being portrayed as terrorists
Being an actually good game

US Laser General or Chinese Nuke General.
All others were a waste of time.
This was the last good RTS, all others since have been shitty clickfests with no actual strategy in order to try and crack the Korean autist market.
Except maybe Dawn of War.

 

[Punished “Venom” pH]

Games & Franchises that would not have gotten off the ground:

Ice Climbers
Whomp ‘Em
North & South
Wild Guns
Phantasmagoria
Oh, and the Atari porn games

 

[Marissa Moira]

That bit in Maniac Mansion where you steal a hamster from a (literal) retarded kid. You have the option of putting it in as microwave, and turning said microwave on. Which causes the hamster to explode, and your character will say something to the effect of "Woah, cool!" As if that was already psychotic enough, after doing this you can go up to said retard and tell him that his pet hamster is dead, at which point he will react like... well, a retard who's pet just died horribly. On top of this you can take the fucking corpse of the hamster from the microwave and show it to the guy.

I think you'd be hard pressed to find just about anyone these days who thinks something like that is a funny prank. Unlike all of the Current Year stuff most people are complaining, I think even the most hardcore gore hounds tend to draw the line at pointless animal murder. I could see something like that maybe happening in like, Postal, but Maniac Mansion doesn't have anywhere near that kind of tone.

Yeah that wouldn't pass today's standards.

I mean by modern standards he should at least have the decency to teabag the hamster's corpse in front of the kid.

 

[Massively Strong Greed]

Games & Franchises that would not have gotten off the ground:

Ice Climbers
Whomp ‘Em
North & South
Wild Guns
Phantasmagoria
Oh, and the Atari porn games

Wasn’t Whomp ‘Em a localized version of a Journey to the West game?

 

[Punished “Venom” pH]

Wasn’t Whomp ‘Em a localized version of a Journey to the West game?

I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest