post your irl run-ins with crazy people -

[ULTIMATEPRIMETIME]

everyone's got that one story. some of you may have had a homeless man stop you on the sidewalk to rant about jews or something for about an hour while huffing glue, or maybe you met a hitchhiker on the side of the road dressed up as one of jesus' disciples, handing out random nicknacks (that he probably stole) to show how selfless and enlightened he is. we've all interacted with crazy people and it's usually pretty funny when you don't think they're about to rape and murder you. post these interactions here because this website is about laughing at crazy people and these people dont quite fit the personal lolcow criteria.

heres one of my experiences:

Spoiler: Midnight Chats With A Drunk White-Trash Wiccan

there was this one lady who called me in the middle of the night while clearly under the influence of multiple substances. it was both one of the most magical and most terrifying phone calls i have ever received in my entire life, and i may never have another one like it. just as it should be.

so lets rewind to about a month ago. i'm in my room finishing up some homework at like 12 o' clock at night when my phone starts ringing. although i didn't recognize the number, i answered it anyway on the off chance that it could have been important.

boy was i in for a ride.

the call started off painfully awkward, with both me and the caller stumbling on top of each other asking who we're speaking to. (her lines will always be in italics)

"hello?"
".. hello?"
"who is this?"
".. hello"
"who am i speaking to?"

the mysterious caller paused to gather her scattered thoughts into a semi-coherent question. she started talking over me, demanding to know if i was the one having an affair with another woman who i will refer to as "sarah".

"uh.. hey. who is fucking sarah."
"excuse me?"
"i just.. wanna know if you know who that is..."
"i dont know a sarah, i think you have the wrong number. goodby-"
"-bullshit i have the wrong number! sarah is a good girl!"
".. who is sarah?"
"... what?"
"i'm asking you who sarah is. i don't know a sarah."
"... your gonna hook up with sarah?"
"no, i'm not dating sarah."
"buuuuull shiiiiiiit. how old are you?"
"why do you want to know my age?"
"HOW OLD ARE YOU?"

at this point i'm starting to get really confused and a little nervous. all sorts of questions fill my mind, but i can't get out any answers from this mysterious caller. does this woman think i'm cheating on her friend or something? how did this woman get my private number? is she fucking drunk?! sometimes, you gotta answer somebody's questions for them to even consider yours.

"i'm like 19"
"OOOOOHHH shiiiiit... you still have a chance... i'm like... fuckin'... 28..."
"have you been drinking?"
"NO... i only had like... a little bit. it doesnt count..."
"oh okay that explains things."
"... how old are you?"
"i literally just told you i'm 19."
"OOOOOH shit.... sarah is like... fuckin 14..."

jesus the fbi is going to come to my house because they will hear this phone call. the conversation only gets more bizarre as time goes on.

"... excuse me? who even is sarah? i keep asking you."
"sarahs my cousin... im trying to help her out."
"help her out with what?"
"i just thought i'd help her find somebody... do you think she's hot??"
"i'm going to call the police now."
"no don't"
"i am not going to date your underage cousin."
", asshole. sarah is tooooo fuckign good for you..."
"i do not feel comfortable right now-"
"SARAH is TOO fucking hot for you.. SARAH haaaas the BEST TITS... fuckiin... the BEST ASS-"
"-i'm really not interested-"
"- she's the BEST... fucking... friend ever-"
"-do not call me again-"
"-and she's too good for youuuu~~~"

this fucking lady, man. like, i know she's intoxicated and all but how many people try to hook up their underage cousin over random people on the phone?? and then she gets all offended when i tell her no?? however, as it turns out, the pedo-pimping was apparently only a ruse. its purpose is to mask our caller's true motive.

"you could get into serious trouble for something like this."
"weeelll nooooo shit... youre smarter than you look... because you know what??"
"what?"
"i wanna tell you a little secret."
"what is it?"
"(...this isnt really about sarah.)"
"why are you calling me then?"
"i just wanna have a talking buddy."
"... a talking buddy?"
"weeeell like i dont wanna like fuck or anything-"
"-i didnt even remotely imply that-"
"- my boyfriend doesnt like it when i do that... so i just want to talk, you know?"
"... uh okay-"
"talk to me. say somethiiing."
"i am sayin-"
"*puts her mouth up right into the phone speaker* SAY SOMETHIIIING."

alright, so she's lonely and so high/drunk she probably shouldnt be held accountable for the bullshit she's spewing out. she's probably mostly harmless, and this is way more entertaining than what i was doing before. so fine, i'll bite. let's have a good midnight chat. it's a friday night, what could possibly go wrong?

"okay, fine, god. uuuhhh, what movies do you watch?"
"oh my god i looove horror movies."
"yeah horror movies are pretty coo-"
"-did you ever watch the labyrinth?"
"yeah i've seen some of it, it's a pretty good movie-"
"-haaa i don't think you even watched it."
"well i'm saying i did."
"prove it."
"... really?"
"prove it. prove it prove it prove it-"
"-alright, alright. you know that one scene with the monster, and he like has the eyeballs on his hands? he's at that table of food and the girl takes that grape?"
"*scoffs* like... .. like... im not trying to be rude... but that is like... the least relevant part... of it. the movie."
"but it proves i watched it though?"
"yeah but... like..."
"what other movies to you watch?-"
"-how old are you?"

i would pay to listen to her review movies while drunk/high

"... i've told you like 3 times, i'm 19."
"OOOOHHHH shit."
"yeah"
", you're... you're way too fuckin young for me kid... i'm like 28"
"wait- excuse me?"
"look sorry to break it to you, but i aint in your league, sweetheart"
"i am not fucking trying to date you."
"buuullll shit... if you dont want me then why did you call me?"
"... YOU are calling ME."
"... i am?"
"yes."
"... buuulll shiiiiit."

this went on for awhile. she started asking for my name and then she talked about boring personal details that i dont want to share. sarah came up again and i quickly changed the subject without her noticing. we start talking about philosophy and shit until this disturbing event happens:

"haaa *starts yelling at a figure in the distance* I SEEEE YOOOUUU. COME OUT. "
"where are you even at?"
"im... you know... in a field"
"you're in a field?!"
"yeah, just in a field."
"is anyone with you?"
"nnnope"
"how did you get to the-"
"-hold on talking buddy i need to take a piss. hold on."
*i hear rustling noises like she's putting the phone down or something*
"*distant yelling from her* WOOOOOOOO"
"STOP LOOKING AT ME, FAGGOT. I SEE YOU."
"*she picks the phone up* oookay im done"
"what was that all about? is someone there?"
"yeah theres a guy. he's there."
"maybe you should go somewhere safe-"
"do you accept me mike"
"what?"
"mike tell me i'm good. no one believes me. ACCEPT ME."
"uh why-"
"ACCEPT ME. accept me accept me accept me accept me-"
"-okay jesus i accept you there"
"thaaank you. do you respect me?"
"i guess"
"i needed to hear that mike THANK YOU."

references to "the man" would be brought up periodically throughout the entire call. later, we started talking about seinfeld for a good half hour until she just spews this out mid-conversation:

"wait.. how old are you again?"
"do you seriously not remember the other five times?"
"yeah."
"i'm 19" (lol here it comes)
"OOOOHHH shit. you're still young."
"not really-"
"-just shut the fuck up for a sec i wanna, like, pass on my wisdom to you. okay, mike?"
"yeah okay, shoot."
"sooo the important thing about girls... is that... like.. they can take it in the front... AND the back... sometimes at the SAME TIME..."
"... uh okay. thanks for sharing."
"you need to REMEMBER that, mike.."
"okay, i will. thanks for telling me."
"... god, your voice is so hot" (yeah i sound like a real fuckmonster)
"uh... thanks?"
"do you believe in magic?"
"what?"
"do you believe in magic, mike?"
"uh, yeah sure"
"are you wiccan?"
"why, are you a wiccan?"
"yea. what's your wiccan name?"
"uh, my wiccan name is uh... dovahkiin."
"dovahkiin, huh?"
"yeah its dovahkiin"
"mmmmm.. yeah..."

im sure she wanted my Unrelenting Force real bad, but she can't have it. that belongs to my beautiful and stunning wife Brianna Wu, who i casually name-dropped mid-conversation just to get her to stop creeping on me. this REALLY pissed her off.

"yeah my wife helped me pick out the name."
"wait... your WIFE?! you're MARRIED?!"
"well, of course!"
"WHAT IS HER NAME?!"
"her name is brianna wu and we've been together for 3 years"
"PUT HER ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!!"
"why are you so mad?-"
"-SHUT THE FUCK UP AND PUT BRIANNA ON THE PHONE!!!"
"no."
"PUT HER ON THE PHONE!"
"i thought you just wanted to talk and you had a boyfriend-"
"PUT BRIANNA ON THE FUCKING PHONE, MIKE."
"okay she's listening in"

i dont remember what she said but most of it didnt make any sense and i couldnt tell whether or not she was shittalking my beautiful wife or me. it turns out she was actually mad at me and she was on BRIANNA's side because i'm such a cheater piece of shit, which implies she really was trying to hit on me when she has a boyfriend. i think i tried pointing that out to her and she just physically could not understand her hypocrisy and kept yelling at me instead. then she pressed the wrong button and hung up by accident, but couldnt figure out how to call me back (she hung up by accident another time but i called her back because the call was too funny to end there). it was getting really late so i just didn't call back. and that's my story.

 

[Mapache]

When I was I'm highschool i was walking back from the store when this this man who was trying to scale my neighboors wall noticed me. He began to talk about the Holy healing powers of lemons (my neighbor had a lemon tree in his backyard) and something about how he can fight government dumbing us down wit fluoride with vitamin c. He tried to get me to help him scale the fence.
I didn't want to get involved with crazy so I just ignored him. I think he was also the same guy who would shove trash like food wrappers and condoms into the neighborhoods mailboxes while in his underwear.

 

[Tismo]

Really mild experience, but one time I was ringing the door to my house (didn't have keys at the time), when a lady warned me to watch out, I turned back and I saw this crazy old motherfucker with messed up hair and torn-off clothing, just mumbling to himself and wobbling awkwardly through the street. He stopped, looked at me and said "Hi". I just replied hello shitting my pants, and when the door opened I just skeddadled the fuck outta the scene.

Funniest part was that the guy what being followed by a cop really slowly, that was in some kinda segway thing. It made me wonder if it was really that hard to restrain him and take him to a mental hospital or something, lol.

 

[fire_fly]

I have two.

Spoiler: drunk fisherman

Back in my sophomore year of high school, my friend and her brother came to my house to spend the night, and all of us- me, my brother, my friend, and her younger brother- all went to Wal-Mart for some reason, I can't remember. It was dark out, but we still walked since it was right down the road.

On the way home, we passed by this restaurant that had closed for the winter (I lived in a tourist town) and there was this drunk guy staggering around the parking lot, carrying around a 24-pack that only contained maybe 2 cans. He came up to us while we were waiting for the light and started saying all this nonsense about how he'd fished all the sharks out of the water behind the restaurant (it was a putrid, nasty little pond that contained only snakes and maybe alligators because Florida). And we just all stood there, listening in terror, until the light changed and we could run across the street.

Spoiler: ILLUMINATI

This is the worse of the two, and much more recent. I apologize if I've told this before, I can't remember if I have.

At my full-time job, I work long stretches of time alone. Usually, particularly in the location I was working at when this happened, this is totally fine. Sometimes you'll get rushed and people will bitch, but that's to be expected.

One day, this older woman came in, hauling five huge duffel bags, and she asked to use our phone. I let her, thinking she wanted to get a ride or something, and she pulled out a planner, found a page, and dialed a number. I was working while I kept an eye on her, and I kept hearing bits of her conversation, and it was insane.

She was trying to find a room that had whiteboards on every single wall (there was a name for it but I forgot and I don't care enough to Google it) so that she could... write eulogies from memory..? To get into the Guinness Book of World Records? WHAT?

Eventually she hung up, having made an appointment to meet the principal of this school, and then she turned to me and started talking. This conversation was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced, and it's hard to articulate exactly why because it doesn't really sound all that scary. She didn't rant or rave or attack me, she just said really crazy shit to me.

She talked about how her family was really high up in the Illuminati and she was running from them because they would send people to come and rape her, and she talked about the same shit conspiracy theorists talk about... And all I could do was just stand there and go "Uh huh, uh huh". The thing that made it terrifying for me wasn't just what she was saying, but the fact that she was so calm about it. It was like she was talking about the weather. And I had the thought, "You know, I'm alone, and she's got all these bags and I have no idea what's in them."

Finally, after she'd grabbed her massive duffel bags and left, I locked the door, went in the back, and called my manager at our other store, to let her know what had happened. I broke down and cried for twenty minutes and I didn't care whether or not customers were walking away while I had the door locked.

When my coworker showed up later that afternoon, I told her I was leaving early and when I explained why, she laughed at me. Fucking nice.

 

[Handsome Pete]

Spoiler: Shablinky

A few years ago, I was waiting for a bus when a man with a skunk-stripe afro approached me and introduced himself as Shablinky. He didn't look like the most pleasant of conversation partners, so I just nodded politely and tried to go back to ignoring him. Shablinky was a talker, though, and launched into a rambling tale about how he had traveled here (i.e. Pennsylvania) from Harlem, where he was a noted jazz guitar player. Had I, he asked, ever heard of this guy called Jimi Hendrix?

I still wasn't willing to pursue this conversation, but I nodded.

"I'm better than Hendrix!" he spat. "I trained Hendrix!" He was getting angry. There was no sign of the bus. "Watch this!" he insisted, and in an instant his anger dissipated and he struck a pose, jazz hands and all. "You liked that?" An edge creeping back into his voice. Foolishly, I nodded again.

"Well then you owe me five dollars. I'm puttin' on a show for you! That ain't free!" He had been inching toward me through his entire monologue, and now he was so close that he risked igniting his hair on my cigarette. I had no cash on me, and I told him that. He wanted me to take out my wallet and prove it. This felt like a great way to get my credit card stolen. Where the hell was the bus, I wondered, and I must have glanced down the street because he immediately exploded, "Don't look for the bus! Look at me! You owe me five dollars!" Shablinky wasn't angry anymore. He was on the verge of becoming stabby.

Now, I'm no fighter, but I was prepared to run like a little bitch if it came to it. We were on a busy street. This was a nice neighborhood. There was a gas station right across the intersection, and the guy who worked there was friendly enough. If it all went to hell, I told myself, I could get out of this.

But it was all moot, because right about this time another guy was walking down the opposite side of the street, and Shablinky pointed at him. "You see that guy?" he asked. "That guy sucks BLACK DICK!" Shablinky took off chasing the alleged dick-sucker, and I never saw him again.

EPILOGUE: Months later, I was meeting a friend at a bar. He arrived late, looking harried and exhausted. "You won't believe the day I've had. I was waiting for the bus, and this guy comes up and says his name's Shablinky..."

 

[The Dude]

A couple years back I was working overnight security at the Greyhound Station downtown. My first weekend working there we had a guy from Chicago or something who was totally fucked in the head. He had apparently ditched his handler several months back and was going all across the country. Apparently most of the time he was fine, but there would be times he'd lose touch with reality and have episodes of some sort.

He had apparently come into the station, ordered a bus ticket, then slipped into one of his episodes. He would bother other people waiting in the terminal, try to take other people's baggage claiming it was his, hover around people, things like that. He had gone up to the ticket counter and said that he needed help because someone had attacked him earlier. The police came and he was uncooperative with them, though they had been able to get his mother's phone number back in Chicago and she said he'd disappeared months ago and that she'd get on the soonest plane that she could and come get him, and would we please keep him there until she came.

All this happened before my shift and the guard I relieved told me about it and said to keep an eye on him. Throughout the night he started bothering people again, he emptied out his dirty clothes onto the floor which I made him pick back up like a parent with a child, he tried to get into other people's luggage, he'd ask me for help in a really soft voice and when I asked him what he needed he'd back away frightened like I'd just yelled at him and asking "What? WHAT?!", the other people threatened him and I had to make him sit in a corner all by himself like a child in time out to save him from being assaulted, one guy came up to me and told me to "do my job, or he'd beat the guy" to which I replied that if he attacked a clearly mentally ill person that I would call the police and have him arrested for assault.

It kept going that way through the rest of the night, but then the crazy guy kept trying to leave. I'd have to chase him down and make him sit back where he was, reminding him that his mother was coming to get him. Any time he'd try to talk to me he'd do the paranoid "What?!" thing and back away from me, except one time when he got mad when I told him to sit back down and he said "Don't treat me like a child!" I told him that if he didn't act like a child then I wouldn't treat him like one, pointing out him throwing his dirty clothes around and bothering people, and informing him that the other people wanted to beat him for bothering them and touching their things.

Finally, I came back to where he was sitting and he was gone. All his things were there, but no crazy guy. As far as I know his mother never showed up and his things were in the lost and found for months before they were donated to charity.

I had to deal with a lot of crazy people there because the homeless shelter was just a block away, plus your typical scum of society who travel by bus. I'll share some of my other stories some time.

 

[RV 229]

I once went to explore a small town populated mostly by wiccans. They had a couple of bookstores and shops that sold crystals and new-age music and things like that, so it wasn't very impressive. Strange, since every time I heard people in my area talking about the place, they seemed genuinely scared of it.

Anyways, the weirdest person I ran into was a conspiracy theorist running one of the shops, who INSISTED to me that McDonalds cloned their meat. This guy would not let up on this, he really wanted me to believe it. I eventually told him, "sorry, man. Cloning is way more expensive than slaughtering actual cows, y'know?" His response to that was "If that's so, then why does McDonalds clone it's meat!?"

He also tried to tell me that blue goldstone was actually purple goldstone, so I guess he was also colorblind. I just kind of excused myself from his shop.

 

[Rabbit Bones]

At one point, I was a cashier, and we had a sale where everything was $.10. People were buying hundreds of tacky, polyester, out of fashion tops and Hanna Montanan jeans. Anyway, this woman comes into my line with two carts full of clothes. Great. I start ringing things up, and she has a calculator on her phone and is adding the total up. She apparently didn't think about sales tax, because after like two hours of scanning and bagging her shit, she starts screaming at me about how the total on her calculator didn't match my register. I was so cheesed by the whole thing I offered to get my floor manager who could give her a 101 class on how sales tax works. She ended up yelling at him about it as well, waving her phone around. Eventually the store manager came over and said she could either pay what the register says, or she can leave, he isn't selling her massively marked down items tax free. She actually went out in the parking lot and called HQ. I voided the sale and dragged all of her shit back to the sales pile (It's what it was. It was just piles of clothing they'd brought out from the stock room on fork lifts and dumped on the floor. She came back in an hour later all red and upset because HQ said she had to pay sales tax. I told her I'd tossed all her shit back in the heap and she'd have to go get it again, and she went super crazy. They had to escort her out.

 

[Cable 7]

I've never ran into crazies but I've heard some really weird shit about people my brother has met in the bus :powerlevel:
Closest I can think is this one guy in my area is kind of this community celeberty. He walks down the street in a fedora dancing while walking and alwasy waving and tipping his hat when ever he lets a car pass by him. The kids a fucking ledgend and honestly, first time I saw him, I thought he was high on fucking ecstasy.
But nope. He's got the :autism:

 

[TheMightyMonarch]

I've met a lot. But one time, a lady walked passed my house and yelled "Everyday is God's birthday!"

 

[The Joker]

I go into detroit on an almost daily basis, everyone here is crazy. Just last week I was on the bus and a creepy looking white man was telling everybody that Joni Mitchell was his girlfriend.

 

[Keerakh]

the closest to crazy I ever encountered was this one guy on the bus once, like a year and a half ago, who was clearly listening to music and apparently dancing while he was sitting in his seat. The best part was his dance moves (mostly partially-choreographed arm flailing) matched the music I was listening to (I've Been Thinking About You by Londonbeat, amusingly enough). I kept myself from looking directly at him, but I could see his movement from the corner of my eye, and from the front mirror thing on the bus.
I told my sister, who I live with during the school year, about it. She said "I think I might know who you're talking about. I'm pretty sure the bus drivers have told him straight out to stop it, that he was disturbing the other passengers."

After my last final exam during my first semester, a month after I first encountered him, I was listening to the song I was that day again while waiting for the bus. Lo and behold I saw him outside, through the University Center's windows, full body dancing in front of the door. it was a nice end of semester gift from reality I guess.

 

[Rabbit Bones]

I used to have deadlocks (I'm white) and some guy at Home Depo said I was a nigger lover who needed to go back to Africa.

 

[Curt Sibling]

There's tons of "care in the community" people in my city. We frequent a Subway which is host to a whole gang of crazies, whom we dubbed "The Rebel Alliance"...

Each one of these dudes is a real "Bonkerzene" addict. Foremost among them is a Scrooge-lookalike who smells like a billion shite-onions and claims flat out he invented
both Star Wars and taught Michael Jackson music. What's more, he constantly asks if we have ever heard of his novel "The Stiletto Killer", which sometimes changes title
into "The Lipstick Murders"...We suspect he might even be some murderer from the 1970s or suchlike...There is definitely something very off about this cat. He smells like
ass, and always gets too close to people, his whispery rasp of a voice is sketchy as hell. He sits for hours, writing on pads of paper, and one day when he shuffled off to the
restroom, we decided to sneek a look at his page of text...What he had scribbled was merely indescribable runic scrawl...Of the kind that only pure insanity can allow...!

Once again, this guy is only one of a large bunch of indivually mad people who we see all the time...There are others.

 

[Magnum Dong]

I've got two, both are on the mild side.

1. At a bus terminal in South Jersey, had a man sit near me as I waited inside. Drunk hobo in his 60s. Strikes up a convo, seems weird but it's whatever. After some talking he asks me about myself. I don't wanna do this, so I lie, but he can see through it. He tells me I "owe" him information about myself. Scared, I talk. I tell him I'm a student and what career I'm headed toward, and he gets ecstatic. He says he has a 'friend' in the industry, talks about them and shows me their LinkedIn, and tells me that if I tell him my full fucking name he'll contact this friend and encourage them to let me intern with them. I'm like "fuuuck that" and politely refuse. He gives me another lecture about how I won't get anywhere if I don't make connections. The convo ends.
>tfw a homeless wino tried to teach me the value of networking

2. On a Greyhound, I end up sitting behind a fat scraggly-bearded guy in his late 20s. He tries hard to make friends with me and the people near us, and I roll with it, because he seems like a normal dude. I made a mistake. Over the next 6 hours, a lot happens. He shares a lot of personal life story info and says he hasn't showered in 4 days. He offers for me and the guy next to him to move into his house, keeps repeating "this is the best bus ride I've ever had" and talks about me and the other guy as if we're the closest thing to friends he's got, plus he shows signs of... interest in me. A lot of compliments plus hounding me for details about my sexuality, it's not subtle. After a point, I can't tell if he's just awkward or delirious from lack of sleep or what's wrong, but I can smell him, and I'm creeped out. Anyway, the bus ride eventually ends, and he tells me to add him on Facebook as I'm stepping off.
>tfw I still know his full name, just found his Facebook, and one of his recent posts is a Minion meme

 

[fire_fly]

I just remembered another one, from back when I was in high school.

Spoiler

I used to take guitar lessons in a music shop in the little downtown area of the city I was living in, and on this particular day, I went in alone and I was going to meet my family at the used bookstore down the street afterwards.

A little backstory: the city planners did a God-awful job because there was an incredibly shady Greyhound station and a poorly-run homeless shelter in this nice little area with shops and restaurants. Everyone who's ever spent time downtown has a story like this. Because FLORIDA.

So I'm walking down the street with my guitar case, and this sixty-something-year-old homeless guy stepped in front of me, right near the bookstore, and asked, "Is that your guitar?" Now, looking at this guy, he'd obviously been through some shit, because half his face looked like melted wax (not like burn scars, like that's just how his skin looked) and one of his arms appeared to have been torn off above the elbow. I nodded, too scared to do anything else. And then homeless dude asked, "Are you a rock star?"

I shook my head, went around the nearby bench, and ran into the used bookstore. I told my mom and my brother about what had happened, and then my stepdad when he got there, and I refused to leave until we were sure that this guy was gone.

 

[Handsome Pete]

waiting for a bus

Greyhound Station

I was on the bus

this one guy on the bus

bus terminal

incredibly shady Greyhound station

I'm detecting a pattern.

 

[The Joker]

I'm detecting a pattern.

This is what we get for saving money and using public transportation...

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I'm detecting a pattern.

I developed a theory that some people ride the bus because they are legally barred from operating any sort of vehicle or machinery while not heavily supervised. I rode the bus home from college for maybe a few weeks before deciding I didn't want to be buried in someone's backyard. Weirdos everywhere.
The dude I was most worried about turned out to be notorious for being spectacularly creepy. Older dude with red hair that I think looks like and older, doughier, Beast Rabban from Dune or maybe a thinner Baron Harkonnen. Everyone else thinks he looks like Kramer, which is where he gets his nickname from. I don't know how to explain the vibe he gives off, but he is clearly not a well adjusted man. It wasn't until many years later that I learned he was in trouble with campus security for taking pictures of girls on campus and posting them online, and there is a rumor that he is no longer allowed to have a Facebook due to this. I found out multiple friends of mine have been repeatedly harassed by this guy, and he even has a file in DSPS absolutely crammed with tons of harassment reports made against him. He is never paired with female tutors or notetakers. Literally every school administrator knows his name, but for some reason won't kick him out (which surprises me because Chris Chan got suspended for being sped-creepy and this guy is borderline rapist creepy ) The local transit has temporarily banned him on occasion. You say "Kramer" and the whole bus knows who your talking about.
So yeah, buses. I don't go on them.

 

[Keerakh]

shit i got a few that i can remember

i once fought a guy that was dressed as jack sparrow.

when i was 17 i was institutionalized and there was a kid that wouldn't stop singing the mcdonalds jingle. would not ever stop. he said his dad hit him. i could see why. another person there was like 16 and acted like he was eight. one kid saw demons. one kid was just kinda there and wasn't touched in the head in any sort of way. i liked him. one kid introduced himself by saying "hi my name is ty and i tried to overdose on sleeping pills." i liked him too. i almost fucked this one girl my age that was there, but then she was really crazy and i did not give her the dick.

leaving a gas station some bald guy asked me if i had a cigarette. i did not. he then told me several times that his name was jeff, that i looked like kurt cobain, and that he had really good weed. he had about four teeth in his head, and he had that real crazy look in his eyes. you can always see crazy better in blue eyes. he asked me if i knew any hos, which i did not. he asked for my phone number which i gave for some reason. i was halfway into my car as he continued trying to tell me how great his cocaine was. i didn't pick up the four calls he made after i managed to actually leave. another time before that i tried to leave a gas station some dude swerves his subaru outback to the gas pump directly adjacent to me. the driver hops out his car. he also had no hair and blue eyes, but reminded me more of a christmas elf than a crackhead. the first thing he does as he gets out of his car is waves a snickers bar with no chocolate, which didn't even know was a thing, like it was a gun and asks me if i wanna check out the recording equipment in his car. i told him no.

yet another time at a fucking gas station, some young folk had their music blaring. not a problem to me, but it sure was to some old hag. i overheard her asking the cashier if he could get them to turn it down and i kinda chuckled to myself as i went to look for what shitty alcohol i wanted. i guess she wasn't cool with just whining about it to the clerk so she sauntered over to me, the only other person inside and on the opposite side of the building and said something along the lines of "i'm not bitching, but [bitching]." i kinda stopped listening to her and said "idunno."

when i was real young i went outside to find the neighbor's retarded child in their yard, down to his skibbies and about to be completely nude. "jeffery NO!" i shouted, but there was no stopping him. he also ran around dressed as spider man at one point.

That last one reminds me of when I used to live in Nova Scotia back when I was around 8.
There was this really young kid on our street who had no boundaries. A couple times he was after pulling down his shorts and waving himself around. Most of us chuckled but still, we were grossed out by it so we all cleared the road and went back into our houses. My mom saw through the window and said "why didn't you tell him not to do that?" TO which I replied, "His mom told him a half dozen times, you think he's gonna listen to me?"