Pronoun Dressing Room - Test drive new pronouns by inserting them into classic literature!

[melty]

Pronoun Dressing Room is a gem I found from Kylie Brook's Polyamory group thread. Maybe it's not a lolcow but it's a pretty similar kind of fun stupidity to the Genderbread world creator. Here the aim is to make up new pronouns, and the site inserts them into famous works of literature like Alice in Wonderland so you can see if they flow correctly. They helpfully have premade categories like "Astronomical" and "Avian". The classic works of literature also have trigger warnings in case you happen to be triggered by "Mention of food" or "Mention of unnamed sister." Why not give it a try?

https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/shitlordshitself-png.48390/

 

[autisticdragonkin]

Iku was beginning to get very tired of sitting by audrakcels sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twiceaudrakcell had peeped into the book audrakcels sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, "and what is the use of a book," thought Iku "without pictures or conversation?"

So audrakcell was considering in audrakcels own mind (as well as audrakcell could, for the hot day made audrakcel feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by audrakcel.

There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Iku think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!" (when audrakcell thought it over afterwards, it occurred to audrakcel thataudrakcell ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Iku started to audrakcels feet, for it flashed across audrakcels mind that audrakcell had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, audrakcell ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Iku after it, never once considering how in the world audrakcell was to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Iku had not a moment to think about stopping audrakcelself before audrakcell found audrakcelself falling down a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or audrakcell fell very slowly, for audrakcell had plenty of time as audrakcell went down to look about audrakcel and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, audrakcell tried to look down and make out whataudrakcell was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then audrakcell looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there audrakcell saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs.Audrakcell took down a jar from one of the shelves as audrakcell passed; it was labelled "ORANGE MARMALADE", but toaudrakcels great disappointment it was empty: audrakcell did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as audrakcell fell past it.

"Well!" thought Iku to audrakcelself, "after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they"ll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn"t say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!" (Which was very likely true.)

"But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!" said Iku. "I'm a-I'm a-"

"Well! WHAT are you?" said the Pigeon. "I can see you're trying to invent something!"

"I-I'm a oarfish," said Iku, rather doubtfully, as audrakcell remembered the number of changes audrakcell had gone through that day.

"A likely story indeed!" said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt. "I've seen a good many oarfishs in my time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!"

"I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly," said Iku, who was a very truthful child; "but oarfishs eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know."

"I don't believe it," said the Pigeon; "but if they do, why then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say."

This was such a new idea to Iku, that audrakcell was quite silent for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, "You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me whether you're a oarfish or a serpent?"

"It matters a good deal to ME," said Iku hastily; 'but I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't like them raw.'

"Well, be off, then!" said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled down again into its nest. Iku crouched down among the trees as well as audrakcell could, for audrakcels neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and every now and thenaudrakcell had to stop and untwist it. After a while audrakcell remembered that audrakcell still held the pieces of mushroom in audrakcels hands, and audrakcell set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until audrakcell had succeeded in bringing audrakcelself down to audrakcels usual height.

"Oh, I"ve had such a curious dream!" said Iku, and audrakcell told audrakcels sister, as well as audrakcell could remember them, all these strange Adventures of audrakcels that you have just been reading about; and when audrakcell had finished,audrakcels sister kissed audrakcel, and said, "It WAS a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late." So Iku got up and ran off, thinking while audrakcell ran, as well audrakcell might, what a wonderful dream it had been.

 

[Abethedemon]

"And who was the first?" I asked.

"Someone who is working at the chemical laboratory up at the hospital. Coagus was bemoaning floagself this morning because coaguscould not get someone to go halves with moagus in some nice rooms which coagus had found, and which were too much for floaguspurse."

"By Jove!" I cried, "if coagus really wants someone to share the rooms and the expense, I am the very man for moagus. I should prefer having a partner to being alone."

Young Stamford looked rather strangely at me over his wine-glass. "You don't know Dingus yet," he said; "perhaps you would not care for moagus as a constant companion."

"Why, what is there against moagus?"

"Oh, I didn't say there was anything against moagus. Coagus is a little eccentric in those ideas of floags-an enthusiast in some branches of science. As far as I know coagus is a decent enough eldritch being from beyond space and time that feasts upon the souls of the young."

"A medical student, I suppose?" said I.

"No-I have no idea what coagus intends to go in for. I believe coagus is well up in anatomy, and coagus is a first-class chemist; but, as far as I know, coagus has never taken out any systematic medical classes. Floagus studies are very desultory and eccentric, but coagushas amassed a lot of out-of-the way knowledge which would astonish floagus professors."

"Did you never ask moagus what coagus was going in for?" I asked.

"No; coagus is not a eldritch being from beyond space and time that feasts upon the souls of the young that it is easy to draw out, though coagus can be communicative enough when the fancy seizes moagus."

"I should like to meet moagus," I said. "If I am to lodge with anyone, I should prefer someone of studious and quiet habits. I am not strong enough yet to stand much noise or excitement. I had enough of both in Afghanistan to last me for the remainder of my natural existence. How could I meet this friend of yours?"

"Coagus is sure to be at the laboratory," returned my companion. "Coagus either avoids the place for weeks, or else coagus worksthere from morning to night. If you like, we shall drive round together after luncheon."

"Certainly," I answered, and the conversation drifted away into other channels.

As we made our way to the hospital after leaving the Holborn, Stamford gave me a few more particulars about the eldritch being from beyond space and time that feasts upon the souls of the young whom I proposed to take as a fellow-lodger.

"You mustn't blame me if you don't get on with moagus," he said; "I know nothing more of moagus than I have learned from meeting moagus occasionally in the laboratory. You proposed this arrangement, so you must not hold me responsible."

"If we don't get on it will be easy to part company," I answered. "It seems to me, Stamford," I added, looking hard at my companion, "that you have some reason for washing your hands of the matter. Is this eldritch being from beyond space and time that feasts upon the souls of the young's temper so formidable, or what is it? Don't be mealy-mouthed about it."

"It is not easy to express the inexpressible," he answered with a laugh. "Dingus is a little too scientific for my tastes-it approaches to cold-bloodedness. I could imagine floagus giving a friend a little pinch of the latest vegetable alkaloid, not out of malevolence, you understand, but simply out of a spirit of inquiry in order to have an accurate idea of the effects. To do moagus justice, I think that coagus would take it floagself with the same readiness. Coagus appears to have a passion for definite and exact knowledge."

 

[Android raptor]

Spoiler

Tyce was beginning to get very tired of sitting by nug sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twiceskeatlin had peeped into the book nugsister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, "and what is the use of a book," thought Tyce"without pictures or conversation?"

So skeatlin wasconsidering in nugown mind (as well asskeatlin could, for the hot day made fegfeel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by feg.

There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Tycethink it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!" (whenskeatlin thought it over afterwards, it occurred to feg thatskeatlin ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Tyce started tonug feet, for it flashed across nugmind that skeatlinhad never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, skeatlin ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Tyce after it, never once considering how in the world skeatlinwas to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Tycehad not a moment to think about stoppingjenkself beforeskeatlin foundjenkself falling down a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or skeatlinfell very slowly, forskeatlin had plenty of time as skeatlin went down to look aboutfeg and to wonder what was going to happen next. First,skeatlin tried to look down and make out what skeatlin wascoming to, but it was too dark to see anything; thenskeatlin looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there skeatlinsaw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. Skeatlin took down a jar from one of the shelves asskeatlin passed; it was labelled "ORANGE MARMALADE", but tonug great disappointment it was empty: skeatlindid not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards asskeatlin fell past it.

"Well!" thought Tyceto jenkself, "after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they"ll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn"t say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!" (Which was very likely true.)

"But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!" said Tyce. "I'm a-I'm a-"

"Well! WHAT are you?" said the Pigeon. "I can see you're trying to invent something!"

"I-I'm a analchest," said Tyce, rather doubtfully, asskeatlin remembered the number of changes skeatlin had gone through that day.

"A likely story indeed!" said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt. "I've seen a good manyanalchests in my time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!"

"I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly," said Tyce, who was a very truthful child; "butanalchests eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know."

"I don't believe it," said the Pigeon; "but if they do, why then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say."

This was such a new idea to Tyce, thatskeatlin was quite silent for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, "You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me whether you're aanalchest or a serpent?"

"It matters a good deal to ME," saidTyce hastily; 'but I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't like them raw.
"Well, be off, then!" said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled down again into its nest. Tycecrouched down among the trees as well as skeatlincould, for nug neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and every now and thenskeatlin had to stop and untwist it. After a while skeatlinremembered thatskeatlin still held the pieces of mushroom in nug hands, andskeatlin set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until skeatlin had succeeded in bringing jenkselfdown to nug usual height.

"Oh, I"ve had such a curious dream!" saidTyce, and skeatlintold nug sister, as well as skeatlincould remember them, all these strange Adventures of #mcdonalds that you have just been reading about; and when skeatlin had finished, nug sister kissed feg, and said, "It WAS a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late." So Tycegot up and ran off, thinking whileskeatlin ran, as wellskeatlin might, what a wonderful dream it had been.
'

 

[MicroEZ]

a massive faggot was beginning to get very tired of sitting by my dick's sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice my dick had peeped into the book my dick's sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, "and what is the use of a book," thought a massive faggot "without pictures or conversation?"

So my dick was considering in my dick's own mind (as well as my dick could, for the hot day made my dick feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by my dick.

There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did a massive faggot think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!" (when my dick thought it over afterwards, it occurred to my dick that my dick ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, a massive faggot started to my dick's feet, for it flashed across my dick's mind that my dick had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, my dick ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went a massive faggot after it, never once considering how in the world my dick was to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that a massive faggot had not a moment to think about stopping your dick before my dick found your dick falling down a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or my dick fell very slowly, for my dick had plenty of time as my dick went down to look about my dick and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, my dick tried to look down and make out what my dick was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then my dick looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there my dick saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. My Dick took down a jar from one of the shelves as my dick passed; it was labelled "ORANGE MARMALADE", but to my dick's great disappointment it was empty: my dick did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as my dick fell past it.

"Well!" thought a massive faggot to your dick, "after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they"ll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn"t say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!" (Which was very likely true.)

"But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!" said a massive faggot. "I'm a-I'm a-"

"Well! WHAT are you?" said the Pigeon. "I can see you're trying to invent something!"

"I-I'm a dickbeast," said a massive faggot, rather doubtfully, as my dick remembered the number of changes my dick had gone through that day.

"A likely story indeed!" said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt. "I've seen a good many dickbeasts in my time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!"

"I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly," said a massive faggot, who was a very truthful child; "but dickbeasts eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know."

"I don't believe it," said the Pigeon; "but if they do, why then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say."

This was such a new idea to a massive faggot, that my dick was quite silent for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, "You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me whether you're a dickbeast or a serpent?"

"It matters a good deal to ME," said a massive faggot hastily; 'but I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't like them raw.'

"Well, be off, then!" said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled down again into its nest. a massive faggot crouched down among the trees as well as my dick could, for my dick's neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and every now and then my dick had to stop and untwist it. After a while my dick remembered that my dick still held the pieces of mushroom in my dick's hands, and my dick set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until my dick had succeeded in bringing your dick down to my dick's usual height.

"Oh, I"ve had such a curious dream!" said a massive faggot, and my dick told my dick's sister, as well as my dick could remember them, all these strange Adventures of my dick's that you have just been reading about; and when my dick had finished, my dick's sister kissed my dick, and said, "It WAS a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late." So a massive faggot got up and ran off, thinking while my dick ran, as well my dick might, what a wonderful dream it had been.

 

[Trombonista]

This has been around since 2014, I believe.

 

[SkiddiePorn]

So some SJW invented their own madlibs, but for LEGITIMATE research and introspection purposes? Political Correctness the game I suppose.

 

[Venusaur]

Ahaha, . This thing is amazing. I know all the snowflake pronoun users will love this, but it really demostrates why this "making up pronouns" fad is realy silly.

"Venusaur goes to meet the Wizard:"

Spoiler

When Venusaur awoke the sun was shining through the trees and Toto had long been out chasing birds and squirrels around him. ven sat up and looked around venu. There was the Scarecrow, still standing patiently in his corner, waiting for venu.

"We must go and search for water," ven said to him.

"Why do you want water?" he asked.

"To wash my face clean after the dust of the road, and to drink, so the dry bread will not stick in my throat."

"It must be inconvenient to be made of flesh," said the Scarecrow thoughtfully, "for you must sleep, and eat and drink. However, you have brains, and it is worth a lot of bother to be able to think properly."

They left the cottage and walked through the trees until they found a little spring of clear water, where Venusaur drank and bathed and ate venuself breakfast. ven saw there was not much bread left in the basket, and the pokemonkin was thankful the Scarecrow did not have to eat anything, for there was scarcely enough for venuself and Toto for the day.

When ven had finished this meal of venus, and was about to go back to the road of yellow brick, ven was startled to hear a deep groan near by.

"What was that?" ven asked timidly.

"I cannot imagine," replied the Scarecrow; "but we can go and see."

Just then another groan reached their ears, and the sound seemed to come from behind them. They turned and walked through the forest a few steps, when Venusaur discovered something shining in a ray of sunshine that fell between the trees. ven ran to the place and then stopped short, with a little cry of surprise.

One of the big trees had been partly chopped through, and standing beside it, with an uplifted axe in his hands, was a man made entirely of tin. His head and arms and legs were jointed upon his body, but he stood perfectly motionless, as if he could not stir at all.

Venusaur looked at him in amazement, and so did the Scarecrow, while Toto barked sharply and made a snap at the tin legs, which hurt his teeth.

 

[OldInternetMeme]

Is this thing legit or just a parody? Regardless, it's a perfect demonstration of why neopronouns are retarded.

Spoiler: Anyway...

OldInternetMeme was beginning to get very tired of sitting by meme sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twicememe had peeped into the book meme sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, "and what is the use of a book," thought OldInternetMeme "without pictures or conversation?"

So meme were considering in meme own mind (as well as meme could, for the hot day made meme feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by meme.

There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did OldInternetMeme think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!" (when meme thought it over afterwards, it occurred to meme that meme ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, OldInternetMeme started to meme feet, for it flashed across meme mind that memehad never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, meme ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went OldInternetMeme after it, never once considering how in the world meme were to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that OldInternetMeme had not a moment to think about stopping memeself before meme found memeself falling down a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or meme fell very slowly, for meme had plenty of time as meme went down to look about meme and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, meme tried to look down and make out what meme were coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then meme looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there meme saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. Meme took down a jar from one of the shelves as meme passed; it was labelled "ORANGE MARMALADE", but to meme great disappointment it was empty: meme did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as meme fell past it.

"Well!" thought OldInternetMeme to memeself, "after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they"ll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn"t say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!" (Which was very likely true.)

"But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!" said OldInternetMeme. "I'm a-I'm a-"

"Well! WHAT are you?" said the Pigeon. "I can see you're trying to invent something!"

"I-I'm a fag," said OldInternetMeme, rather doubtfully, as meme remembered the number of changes meme had gone through that day.

"A likely story indeed!" said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt. "I've seen a good many fags in my time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!"

"I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly," said OldInternetMeme, who was a very truthful child; "but fags eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know."

"I don't believe it," said the Pigeon; "but if they do, why then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say."

This was such a new idea to OldInternetMeme, that meme were quite silent for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, "You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me whether you're a fag or a serpent?"

"It matters a good deal to ME," said OldInternetMeme hastily; 'but I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't like them raw.'

"Well, be off, then!" said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled down again into its nest. OldInternetMeme crouched down among the trees as well as meme could, for meme neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and every now and then meme had to stop and untwist it. After a while meme remembered that meme still held the pieces of mushroom in meme hands, and meme set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until meme had succeeded in bringing memeself down to meme usual height.

"Oh, I"ve had such a curious dream!" said OldInternetMeme, and meme told meme sister, as well as meme could remember them, all these strange Adventures of memes that you have just been reading about; and when meme had finished, meme sister kissed meme, and said, "It WAS a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late." So OldInternetMeme got up and ran off, thinking while meme ran, as well meme might, what a wonderful dream it had been.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

Pronoun Mad Libs. They really should have expects people to use it to mock them.

 

[0xDEADBEEF]

Makes me want to write a similar program just for fun.

It's probably just some kind of regex substitution on the original text. You could do this easily with PHP.

I could make it extract text from fanfiction.net (if they have an API, I don't feel like setting up a crawler for this) and do the pronoun replacements thingy on any story from that site.

EDIT:

Looking through the HTML, it seems someone actually went through the code and added empty span tags to the original source documents where all the pronouns should be. Waaaay more work than they had to do....

 

[Bugaboo]

Spoiler: I never aged past 12

Phil was beginning to get very tired of sitting by fuck sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice fuck had peeped into the book fuck sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, "and what is the use of a book," thought Phil"without pictures or conversation?"

So fuck was considering in fuck own mind (as well as fuck could, for the hot day made fuckfeel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by fuck.

There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Phil think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!" (when fuckthought it over afterwards, it occurred to fuckthat fuck ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Phil started to fuck feet, for it flashed across fuck mind that fuck had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, fuck ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Phil after it, never once considering how in the world fuckwas to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Phil had not a moment to think about stopping fuckself before fuckfound fuckself falling down a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or fuck fell very slowly, for fuck had plenty of time as fuck went down to look about fuck and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, fuck tried to look down and make out what fuck was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then fuck looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there fuck saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. Fuck took down a jar from one of the shelves as fuck passed; it was labelled "ORANGE MARMALADE", but to fuck great disappointment it was empty: fuck did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as fuck fell past it.

"Well!" thought Phil to fuckself, "after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they"ll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn"t say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!" (Which was very likely true.)

 

[GG Allin]

I actually chuckled.

GG Allin was beginning to get very tired of sitting by allin sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice allin had peeped into the book allin sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, "and what is the use of a book," thought GG Allin "without pictures or conversation?"

So allin was considering in allin own mind (as well as allin could, for the hot day made gg feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by gg.

There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did GG Allin think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!" (when allin thought it over afterwards, it occurred to gg that allin ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, GG Allin started to allin feet, for it flashed across allin mind that allin had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, allin ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went GG Allin after it, never once considering how in the world allin was to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that GG Allin had not a moment to think about stopping allinself before allin found allinself falling down a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or allin fell very slowly, for allin had plenty of time as allin went down to look about gg and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, allin tried to look down and make out what allin was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then allin looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there allin saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. Allin took down a jar from one of the shelves as allin passed; it was labelled "ORANGE MARMALADE", but to allin great disappointment it was empty: allin did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as allin fell past it.

"Well!" thought GG Allin to allinself, "after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they"ll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn"t say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!" (Which was very likely true.)

"But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!" said GG Allin. "I'm a-I'm a-"

"Well! WHAT are you?" said the Pigeon. "I can see you're trying to invent something!"

"I-I'm a legend," said GG Allin, rather doubtfully, as allin remembered the number of changes allin had gone through that day.

"A likely story indeed!" said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt. "I've seen a good many legends in my time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!"

"I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly," said GG Allin, who was a very truthful child; "but legends eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know."

"I don't believe it," said the Pigeon; "but if they do, why then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say."

This was such a new idea to GG Allin, that allin was quite silent for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, "You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me whether you're a legend or a serpent?"

"It matters a good deal to ME," said GG Allin hastily; 'but I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't like them raw.'

"Well, be off, then!" said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled down again into its nest. GG Allin crouched down among the trees as well as allin could, for allin neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and every now and then allin had to stop and untwist it. After a while allin remembered that allin still held the pieces of mushroom in allin hands, and allin set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until allin had succeeded in bringing allinself down to allin usual height.

"Oh, I"ve had such a curious dream!" said GG Allin, and allin told allin sister, as well as allin could remember them, all these strange Adventures of allins that you have just been reading about; and when allin had finished, allin sister kissed gg, and said, "It WAS a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late." So GG Allin got up and ran off, thinking while allin ran, as well allin might, what a wonderful dream it had been.

 

[DoshesToDoshes]

Spoiler: It's muthafuckin' Payday, fellas.

"And who was the first?" I asked.

"Someone who is working at the chemical laboratory up at the hospital. Hox was bemoaning hoxself this morning because Hox could not get someone to go halves with Hox in some nice rooms which Hox had found, and which were too much for hix purse."

"By Jove!" I cried, "if Hox really wants someone to share the rooms and the expense, I am the very man for Hox. I should prefer having a partner to being alone."

Young Stamford looked rather strangely at me over his wine-glass. "You don't know Hoxton yet," he said; "perhaps you would not care for Hox as a constant companion."

"Why, what is there against Hox?"

"Oh, I didn't say there was anything against Hox. Hox is a little eccentric in those ideas of hix-an enthusiast in some branches of science. As far as I know Hox is a decent enough Hoxton."

"A medical student, I suppose?" said I.

"No-I have no idea what Hox intends to go in for. I believe Hox is well up in anatomy, and Hox is a first-class chemist; but, as far as I know, Hox hash never taken out any systematic medical classes. hix studies are very desultory and eccentric, but Hox has amassed a lot of out-of-the way knowledge which would astonish hix professors."

"Did you never ask Hox what Hox was going in for?" I asked.

"No; Hox is not a Hoxton that it is easy to draw out, though Hox can be communicative enough when the fancy seizes Hox."

"I should like to meet Hox," I said. "If I am to lodge with anyone, I should prefer someone of studious and quiet habits. I am not strong enough yet to stand much noise or excitement. I had enough of both in Afghanistan to last me for the remainder of my natural existence. How could I meet this friend of yours?"

"Hox is sure to be at the laboratory," returned my companion. "Hox either avoids the place for weeks, or else Hox works there from morning to night. If you like, we shall drive round together after luncheon."

"Certainly," I answered, and the conversation drifted away into other channels.

As we made our way to the hospital after leaving the Holborn, Stamford gave me a few more particulars about the Hoxton whom I proposed to take as a fellow-lodger.

"You mustn't blame me if you don't get on with Hox," he said; "I know nothing more of Hox than I have learned from meeting Hox occasionally in the laboratory. You proposed this arrangement, so you must not hold me responsible."

"If we don't get on it will be easy to part company," I answered. "It seems to me, Stamford," I added, looking hard at my companion, "that you have some reason for washing your hands of the matter. Is this Hoxton's temper so formidable, or what is it? Don't be mealy-mouthed about it."

"It is not easy to express the inexpressible," he answered with a laugh. "Hoxton is a little too scientific for my tastes-it approaches to cold-bloodedness. I could imagine hix giving a friend a little pinch of the latest vegetable alkaloid, not out of malevolence, you understand, but simply out of a spirit of inquiry in order to have an accurate idea of the effects. To do Hox justice, I think that Hox would take it hoxself with the same readiness. Hox appears to have a passion for definite and exact knowledge."

 

[Hi I Am From Page 6]

Spoiler: trigger warning: dear leader

Joshua was beginning to get very tired of sitting by nullself sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twicenull had peeped into the book nullself sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, "and what is the use of a book," thought Joshua "without pictures or conversation?"

So null was considering in nullself own mind (as well as null could, for the hot day made null feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by null.

There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Joshua think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!" (when null thought it over afterwards, it occurred to null that null ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Joshua started to nullself feet, for it flashed across nullself mind that null had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, null ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Joshua after it, never once considering how in the world null was to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Joshua had not a moment to think about stopping nullself before null found nullself falling down a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or null fell very slowly, for null had plenty of time as null went down to look about null and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, null tried to look down and make out what null was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then null looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there null saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. Null took down a jar from one of the shelves as nullpassed; it was labelled "ORANGE MARMALADE", but to nullself great disappointment it was empty: null did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as null fell past it.

"Well!" thought Joshua to nullself, "after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they"ll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn"t say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!" (Which was very likely true.)

"But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!" said Joshua. "I'm a-I'm a-"

"Well! WHAT are you?" said the Pigeon. "I can see you're trying to invent something!"

"I-I'm a shitlord overlord," said Joshua, rather doubtfully, as null remembered the number of changes null had gone through that day.

"A likely story indeed!" said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt. "I've seen a good many shitlord overlords in my time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!"

"I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly," said Joshua, who was a very truthful child; "but shitlord overlords eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know."

"I don't believe it," said the Pigeon; "but if they do, why then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say."

This was such a new idea to Joshua, that null was quite silent for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, "You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me whether you're a shitlord overlordor a serpent?"

"It matters a good deal to ME," said Joshua hastily; 'but I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't like them raw.'

"Well, be off, then!" said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled down again into its nest. Joshua crouched down among the trees as well as null could, for nullself neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and every now and then null had to stop and untwist it. After a while null remembered that null still held the pieces of mushroom in nullself hands, and null set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until null had succeeded in bringing nullself down to nullself usual height.

"Oh, I"ve had such a curious dream!" said Joshua, and null told nullself sister, as well as null could remember them, all these strange Adventures of nulls that you have just been reading about; and when null had finished, nullself sister kissed null, and said, "It WAS a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late." So Joshua got up and ran off, thinking while null ran, as well null might, what a wonderful dream it had been.

 

[Zazie]

Spoiler: I tried

Ringo was beginning to get very tired of sitting by beets sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice bee had peeped into the book beets sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, "and what is the use of a book," thought Ringo "without pictures or conversation?"

So bee was considering in beets own mind (as well as bee could, for the hot day made beetle feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by beetle.

There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Ringo think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!" (when bee thought it over afterwards, it occurred to beetle that bee ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Ringostarted to beets feet, for it flashed across beets mind that bee had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, bee ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Ringo after it, never once considering how in the world bee was to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Ringo had not a moment to think about stopping beetleself before bee found beetleself falling down a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or bee fell very slowly, for bee had plenty of time as bee went down to look about beetle and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, bee tried to look down and make out whatbee was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then bee looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there bee saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. Bee took down a jar from one of the shelves as bee passed; it was labelled "ORANGE MARMALADE", but to beets great disappointment it was empty: bee did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as bee fell past it.

"Well!" thought Ringo to beetleself, "after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they"ll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn"t say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!" (Which was very likely true.)

"But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!" said Ringo. "I'm a-I'm a-"

"Well! WHAT are you?" said the Pigeon. "I can see you're trying to invent something!"

"I-I'm a rock god," said Ringo, rather doubtfully, as bee remembered the number of changes bee had gone through that day.

"A likely story indeed!" said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt. "I've seen a good many rock gods in my time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!"

"I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly," said Ringo, who was a very truthful child; "but rock gods eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know."

"I don't believe it," said the Pigeon; "but if they do, why then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say."

This was such a new idea to Ringo, that bee was quite silent for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, "You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me whether you're a rock god or a serpent?"

"It matters a good deal to ME," said Ringo hastily; 'but I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't like them raw.'

"Well, be off, then!" said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled down again into its nest. Ringo crouched down among the trees as well as bee could, for beets neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and every now and then bee had to stop and untwist it. After a while bee remembered that bee still held the pieces of mushroom in beets hands, and bee set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until bee had succeeded in bringing beetleselfdown to beets usual height.

"Oh, I"ve had such a curious dream!" said Ringo, and bee told beets sister, as well as bee could remember them, all these strange Adventures of beets that you have just been reading about; and when bee had finished, beets sister kissed beetle, and said, "It WAS a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late." So Ringo got up and ran off, thinking while bee ran, as well bee might, what a wonderful dream it had been.

 

[Asmik Otaku]

Spoiler: Trigger Warning: Alcohol

The edge of the world is fenced off stoutly enough, but the fence isn't made that will stop a otaku. Asmiktossed whiskey pack and coil of rope over it and started climbing. The top three strands were barbed wire. Gin caught whiskey shirt as gin went over, and had to stop for a moment to ease tequilaself off. Thengin dropped lightly to the grass on the other side.

The pack had landed in a clump of white clover. A cloud of disturbed bees hung above, and gin snatched it away quickly lest they should notice the honeycomb inside.

For a minute gin stood still, looking out over the edge. This was different from looking through the fence, and when gin moved it was slowly. Gin eased tequilaself to the ground where a corner of rock rose clear of the thick larkspur and lay on whiskey belly, the stone hard and cool under whiskey chin, and looked down.

The granite cliff curved away out of sight, and gincouldn't see if it had a foot. Gin saw only endless blue, beyond, below, and on both sides. Clouds passed slowly.

Directly beneath whiskey there was a ledge covered with long grass where clusters of stars bloomed on tall, slender stalks.

Gin uncoiled whiskey rope and found a stout beech tree not too close to the edge. Doubling the rope around the bole, gin tied one end around whiskey waist, slung the pack on whiskey back, and belayedtequilaself down the cliff. Pebbles clattered, saxifrage brushed whiskey arms and tickled whiskey ears; oncegin groped for a hold with whiskey face in a patch of rustling ferns.

The climb was hard, but not too much. Less than half an hour later gin was stretched out on the grass with stars nodding about whiskey. They had a sharp, gingery smell. Gin lay in the cool shadow of the world's edge for a while, eating the apples and honeycomb ofbeers. When gin was finished gin licked the honey offwhiskey fingers and threw the apple cores over, watching them fall into the blue.

Little islands floated along, rocking gently in air eddies. Sunlight flashed on glossy leaves of bushes growing there. When an island drifted into the shadow of the cliff, the blossoming stars shone out. Beyond the shadows, deep in the light-filled gulf, gin saw the hippogriffs at play.

 

[Treblinkachu]

On one hand, this is incredibly stupid. On the other, I just inserted Jim Morrison into Wonderland.

I'm a Lizard King," said Jim Morrison, rather doubtfully, as He remembered the number of changes He had gone through that day.

Never doubt yourself, Jim. You can do anything.

 

[Strelok]

This is like an Abbot and Costello fever dream.