Questions for Women, Advice You Wish You Had Sooner -

Fascist Ferret

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Comparison is the thief of joy.
I think the tough thing about social media is that it isnt always celebrities who seem to have the perfect life. Your peers and "normal" people are also only showing their best parts, or they're lying and manipulating that portrayal like you mentioned.
So then you might be left asking, what's wrong with me that my life isnt that nice? With a celebrity it's easier to say, of course they use photoshop or pretend to have great lives, but when your peers do it, it doesnt seem so out of touch.
 

melty

True & Honest Fan
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Does anyone have good advice for not comparing yourself to people whose lives seem so much better/are prettier on social media?
I think everyone knows on some level that it's all fake, but experience has taught me that it's really, REALLY fake. You just don't know what anyone's life is like, and a lot of these people have personal problems, they have debt, they have bad relationships, insecurity, etc. At the very least, most of them are overly materialistic, which isn't good. I like watching beauty and fashion bloggers sometimes, but I'm often struck by just how shallow and materialistic they are. They'll go on and on about how the newest thing they bought is life changing, and then it goes into a drawer and they've moved on to the next thing. Think about how Kai is with her hoard; other bloggers are just a lot more charismatic so it's not as obvious. Having a constant influx of shiny new stuff doesn't actually make anyone happy.

You can browse subs like Instagram reality to see just how fake a lot of these people are as far as using filters and morphing apps, or even crazier shit like standing in front of other people's houses and cars to pretend they own them. You can download some of the apps yourself and play around with them to see just how much they can change your appearance. A lot of people don't realize how easily you can manipulate video, for example.

Another thing is that they put a ton of work into appearing to be successful. Imagine everytime you're on vacation or an outing spending hours perfecting your hair and makeup, getting your friend/bf to spend a lot of time taking the pictures, then editing the pictures. You're not actually enjoying the vacation very much at that point. And again, you have no idea if behind the camera, their bf is fed up with this shit, if they're even enjoying what they're doing because they're so focused on making it look like they're having fun for random people online. Someone on here once posted about a wannabe influencer girl they knew and what it was like going on vacation with her, and it was just stupid. It was spending two hours in front of a lamppost in some exotic locale trying to get the perfect picture. Not seeing sights or doing anything fun. I've read other accounts of influencers throwing out food after taking cute pictures with it. It's just shallow.

Working on improving yourself too is always good. If your life is in a good spot then it's easier to not let it affect you. If you find that you truly want something people on social media have, you can work towards it as a real goal, and filter out what's just noise that doesn't even fit your lifestyle. If all else fails, just unfollow people, there's no reason to look at stuff that makes you feel bad.
 

Kujo Jotaro

Every Man Dies
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Does anyone have good advice for not comparing yourself to people whose lives seem so much better/are prettier on social media?
The real question is why you're even using social media? Does it actually make you feel closer and more connected to your friends? In my experience that is not the case.

Most peoples lives are empty, and devoid of purpose. They define themselves by they things they like, and can't hold a conversation for shit. Their interests are shallow and even if they aren't they probably lack any thing beyond a surface level grasp of them. Suffice to say most people in today's day and age have no passion, and live for the next dopamine hit. Heck I've been guilty of living this way myself, and sometimes I still do fall into these bad habits.

The answer to your question is not some simple mental trick like "just realize it's all glam and not real". Even when you know this you can't help but feel inadequate or jealous on some level. The answer is stop using social media.

Cultivate your own passions, even if it doesn't lead to anything lucrative, it makes you a more interesting person and in the long run a more happy person. Challenge yourself physically and mentally on a daily basis. All ways be on the look out for ways to improve yourself, not in a negative and self defeating lens, but from the viewpoint of life as a project you're working on every day. Above all live life with passion.
 

Fascist Ferret

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Most peoples lives are empty, and devoid of purpose. They define themselves by they things they like, and can't hold a conversation for shit. Their interests are shallow and even if they aren't they probably lack any thing beyond a surface level grasp of them. Suffice to say most people in today's day and age have no passion, and live for the next dopamine hit.
That sounds so nihilistic 😅
I think that that is still as unrealistic to say though as saying that they're lives are 100% glamorous. I mean, maybe their shallow appearances and consumerism is a way of escapism. People arent too open about their most personal and painful struggles irl as much as they might not want to post it all over social media. Honestly, some people see having no purpose as the problem, and that itself is really draining.
Even when you know this you can't help but feel inadequate or jealous on some level. The answer is stop using social media.
Cultivate your own passions, even if it doesn't lead to anything lucrative, it makes you a more interesting person and in the long run a more happy person. Challenge yourself physically and mentally on a daily basis. All ways be on the look out for ways to improve yourself, not in a negative and self defeating lens, but from the viewpoint of life as a project you're working on every day. Above all live life with passion.
I definitely agree with this. Not only would it help dissuade feeling jealous or inadequate, your own fulfillment comes from within yourself, rather than being dependent on somebody else (some people find someone they love and dedicate their life to helping them, I see this a lot with women... that can't be good for you in the long run! You'll get burned out and possibly have nothing to show for it, if you picked the wrong person to dedicate your efforts to.)
 

Kujo Jotaro

Every Man Dies
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That sounds so nihilistic 😅
I think that that is still as unrealistic to say though as saying that they're lives are 100% glamorous. I mean, maybe their shallow appearances and consumerism is a way of escapism. People arent too open about their most personal and painful struggles irl as much as they might not want to post it all over social media. Honestly, some people see having no purpose as the problem, and that itself is really draining.
I would say it's more of an existentialist outlook, but most people mix that up with nihilism anyways. Yes you've hit the nail on the head in terms of escapism that's what I was alluding to though I guess I didnt out right say it. You don't need to be an open book, but ignoring your problems only begets more problems. You don't need some deeply thought out explanation to your purpose in life, and I think that's something people get hung up on. Sure the longer you think about it the more you'll have to say, but if you're getting hung up on the problem itself which is only natural from time to time you should read some philosophy on the subject. A personal favorite of mine is the myth of sisyphus by albert camus.
 

Yaniv’s Hairy Balls

Behold them and W A X
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😭 I tried



Well, that probably has to do with the fact that men are typically expected to be the pursuers. If a woman pursues a man, she could be seen as a slut or as desperate.

I also cant help but think that women might be pickier than men, so by the time a woman wants to ask a guy out, maybe the guy just already happened to make the first move? I'm just thinking that in my case, a guy I liked approached me before I decided to approach him, and it just so happened to be that way.



This question is probably a joke, but I think that insecurities bred by social media and mass marketing are to blame.

Does anyone have good advice for not comparing yourself to people whose lives seem so much better/are prettier on social media?
You last question I have 2 pieces of advice:

1. don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle: they may be farther along in their career and/or in a different stage in their life. You’ll get there eventually, but don’t get caught up in comparisons.

2. people in social media lie. Every pic you see taken has been filtered, edited, cropped, and it’s probably the only one of like 8-12 takes that was presentable. People only display the best, and chances are they missed whatever amazing thing they’re filming by fucking off editing their pictures.

Do you sis.
 

Autistador

Gremlin Qween
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Why do British women just look so weird and ugly? Is it the cosmetics they have there?
Yes. That and our anglo genetics. The makeup we have available here is mostly the same as Americas but its mostly the makeup trends popular with young brits that make them look weird and ugly
vlcsnap-2020-02-05-21h39m02s708.png
We call it Chav Makeup for a reason.
Thankfully it seems to be going out of fashion as people are trading it in for more American style makeup.
 

TaimuRadiu

Kaiserin
kiwifarms.net
Yes. That and our anglo genetics. The makeup we have available here is mostly the same as Americas but its mostly the makeup trends popular with young brits that make them look weird and ugly
View attachment 1488319
We call it Chav Makeup for a reason.
Thankfully it seems to be going out of fashion as people are trading it in for more American style makeup.
"anglo genetics" aren't necessarily bad as up until 1990 or so I saw British women with high class looks and not the weird Clockwork Orange makeup aesthetic (not sure what to call it besides that? like the difference between Princess Di and random slag, even on Coronation Street it looked that way)

I don't know, maybe chav makeup has just been around for a long time, I think jack the ripper talked about it
 

Fascist Ferret

reporting for duty
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Yes. That and our anglo genetics. The makeup we have available here is mostly the same as Americas but its mostly the makeup trends popular with young brits that make them look weird and ugly
View attachment 1488319
We call it Chav Makeup for a reason.
Thankfully it seems to be going out of fashion as people are trading it in for more American style makeup.
Luckily, I think that makeup options are expanding to accommodate different skin tones and racial features. If makeup is limited for whatever reason, maybe you have no choice but to look orange... I would hope people can find makeup that complements their natural features rather than forcing themselves to cake their face in something that doesn't work easily.
 
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Autistador

Gremlin Qween
kiwifarms.net
Luckily, I think that makeup options are expanding to accommodate different skin tones and racial features. If makeup is limited for whatever reason, maybe you have no choice but to look orange... I would hope people can find makeup that complements their natural features rather than forcing themselves to cake their face in something that doesn't work easily.
The face being orange is staple to the look, as in, the problem is not limited skin tone range for foundation, most of these girls are naturally pale, it's the bad fake tans and them overbronzing their faces. The black girls are usually better about not looking like cheetos, in my experience.

But I agree, with softer "no makeup makeup" becoming more popular, I forsee a move to more natural makeup, and good. I'll be glad to see the back of painted chav faces, at least if only for a little while.
 

Disgruntled Pupper

Thuuder only happens wlen its raisinl
True & Honest Fan
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While a good skin care routine helps with over all skin health, if you have acne that doesn't get better with age or is almost always present, don't wait for years thinking you just haven't found the right cleanser, or moisturize, or waste money on over the counter treatments that aren't strong enough. You probably need antibiotics and either spironolactone or accutane, so just go to the fucking dermatologist.
 
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Fascist Ferret

reporting for duty
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antibiotics and either spironolactone or acutane
Sorry if this is silly, but I never heard of spironolactone... is it similar to accutane?

I've also wondered how exactly antibiotics would help acne. Is it because the acne could be a symptom of an infection/illness?

(Idk if you know specifically, just putting the questions out there)
 
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melty

True & Honest Fan
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One advice I wish I knew sooner was how to figure out your skin's undertone.
People have either warm, neutral, or cool undertones. Warm means your skin has orange or yellow tones. Cool means pink, red and blue tones. Neutral is a mix.
Warm toned people look better in warm toned clothing: clothing with orange or yellow tones. Have you ever tried on a shirt you loved on the rack and it made you look like shit? How about makeup? Well it was probably the wrong tone. Wearing the wrong tone clothing and makeup makes people look sick.
Some tips for determining tone:
-Do your veins look more green or blue? Green is warm, blue is cool. If you can't tell you may be neutral tone.
-Does silver or gold look better against your skin? Gold is warm, silver is cool.
-If you look like you're dying in camel gold, you are cool tone.
-Looking bad in certain hair colors (broadly) is NOT a giveaway. Brown, blonde, red all can be either cool or warm toned. If you look bad in golden blonde but good in ash blonde, you may be cool toned, and vice versa.
-Your natural coloring (hair, eyes) can indicate your tone but it's not always accurate. It's possible to have warm tone hair and eyes, but cool tone skin.

Any basic color can have a warm or cool base, so you don't have to give up colors you like. Being cool tone doesn't mean you can't wear yellow, you just have to find cool toned yellows instead.

1596329990347.png


After you know warm or cool tone, you can work on finding your color season to buy the most flattering clothes!
 

Fascist Ferret

reporting for duty
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I was always told not to curse too much, that the boys found it unattractive.

Fuck that noise.
That's definitely something really harmful.

I mean, when you're talking to someone like your boss or coworkers, of course you should be polite and whatever.

But a guy that you're trying to attract... that's going to be your life partner. Acting more polite or refined than the real you is setting yourself up for a relationship that can fall apart. If you try to act a certain way because you feel nervous or pressured, rather than be who you truly are, that's missing the point of trying to find your life partner/husband/wife.
One advice I wish I knew sooner was how to figure out your skin's undertone.
People have either warm, neutral, or cool undertones. Warm means your skin has orange or yellow tones. Cool means pink, red and blue tones. Neutral is a mix.
Warm toned people look better in warm toned clothing: clothing with orange or yellow tones. Have you ever tried on a shirt you loved on the rack and it made you look like shit? How about makeup? Well it was probably the wrong tone. Wearing the wrong tone clothing and makeup makes people look sick.
Some tips for determining tone:
-Do your veins look more green or blue? Green is warm, blue is cool. If you can't tell you may be neutral tone.
-Does silver or gold look better against your skin? Gold is warm, silver is cool.
-If you look like you're dying in camel gold, you are cool tone.
-Looking bad in certain hair colors (broadly) is NOT a giveaway. Brown, blonde, red all can be either cool or warm toned. If you look bad in golden blonde but good in ash blonde, you may be cool toned, and vice versa.
-Your natural coloring (hair, eyes) can indicate your tone but it's not always accurate. It's possible to have warm tone hair and eyes, but cool tone skin.

Any basic color can have a warm or cool base, so you don't have to give up colors you like. Being cool tone doesn't mean you can't wear yellow, you just have to find cool toned yellows instead.

View attachment 1489549

After you know warm or cool tone, you can work on finding your color season to buy the most flattering clothes!
This is advice that I would have never thought to ask about... I just know that bright yellow doesnt look good, but never really thought about "why" from a fashion perspective. And this can really help with figuring out what makeup will work for you.

(Charlie Gold has a thread and in all her videos she wears such vibrant eye shadows and somehow never picks colors that complement her skin tone or her colored contact lenses. Little tone changes would enable her to pull off that variation of colors much better)
 
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