Quinton Reviews / Quinton Kyle Hoover / Q_Review / OttselSpy24 / OttselSpy25 - I KNOW WE HIT THE LIMIT FOR ME TO DO THEM, BUT THOSE THINGS TAKE TIME, NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK ABOUT GARFIELD AND MCDONALDS, WHILE MOCKING OTHER YOUTUBERS!!

[The Emperor Skeksis]

I'm just extremely floored it's this fucking long.

I wonder if Q is trying to be Hbomberguy now. HBomb's videos on series and games he likes/hates are acclaimed and he leaves most of his political sperging out of those videos, and that seems to be a very succesful formula. He also doesn't really stick to any schedule but just drops long videos as he finishes them. Difference is Hbomb has a tight script, a good editor, and knows how media commentary and jokes work (your mileage may vary here).

Maybe Q thought 'I can do that but with shit that I like' but the shit Q likes it terrible, and he's incompetent.

Edit for clarity.

 

[macguyver16]

I think your summary of this pretty much is the easiest way to consume his video on top of people posting around Quinton's overanalyzing of a fucking kids show with LOLRANDOM humor.

I watched about 7 minutes of this, and already I was met with the amount of Quinton's insane spasms of this show that he treats as a character study on the internet psyche.

Quinton my dude, it's a children's sitcom made by the dude who is obsessed with feet. It is not the magnum opus you think it is, and in the annals of history the show has only risen through meme stock because a bunch of people around the same age found twitter and started talking about it. There is no insane character study that required an almost 5 hour video to talk about this show. Drake and Josh had that same effect, but at most is used for memes, and watching Drake Bell (the actor) slowly fall down a staircase his career peaked at while Josh somehow has reached enlightenment through his success. It doesn't get this wild character study because you may be shocked to hear this, it's just a kid's sitcom on Nickelodeon that was enjoyed by a good majority. You're making Doug Walker blush with this amount of outreaching.

If you want an actual recommendation everything outside this stupid show is 10000000X more interesting, especially when you got Dan She's a Fighter Schneider at the center of it and Mcurdy's treatment during the time working on it even going back to the days of the Amanda Show when Bynes was also mistreated. That's the stuff you actually should be using your following for and raising awareness, not talking about the actual show this drama is outside of. That bus left long ago but thanks for leaving us with this flaming turd on our doorsteps.

I think Quinton's thoughts on this entire thing from reading replies in this thread is that he's broken his legs from jumping to conclusions. For example, this overanalysis of a character that is just annoying as some SJW shite is stupid. There are people who are just naturally annoying Quinton, you've probably complained about them too off instinct, not giving them this diagnosis and new age bull because it stands between you and a paycheck.

If any brave soul has a transcript of this entire thing I'd love to see it, not only to see how fucking long it is, but also because I think the video(even just the text) is a much better analysis of how much of a weirdo Quinton is. The fact he's going into personal depression through icarly actually makes me laugh really fucking hard, it's like something you'd see in an episode of Seinfeld or Always Sunny as a B Plot.

I'm just extremely floored it's this fucking long.

Dan "Smell Those Feet, They're Hard to Beat" Schneider
Dan "Off the Clock, Ready for the Cock" Schneider
Dan "You Lick the Dick, it's You I Pick"
Schneider
Dan "To Work in This Town, Gotta Lift the Gown" Schneider
Dan "Pay the Dough For a Little Ho on the Amanda Show" Schneider
Dan "Stage Mom Briber" Schneider
Dan "Get a Little Flirty With Jeannette McCurdy" Schneider

 

[turditup]

His videos on series and games he likes/hates are acclaimed

Outside of his sped fans, Q's shit get's zero acclaim, no one likes them. Even on his most popular uploads, if you skim the top comments you'll find people correcting him, albeit in good faith, or adding necessary and actually interesting context, all of which he could have found by doing bare minimum research.

And yeah, for all his kiddie-diddler loving faults, Hbomb can at least make a good video

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

Outside of his sped fans, Q's shit get's zero acclaim, no one likes them. Even on his most popular uploads, if you skim the top comments you'll find people correcting him, albeit in good faith, or adding necessary and actually interesting context, all of which he could have found by doing bare minimum research.

And yeah, for all his kiddie-diddler loving faults, Hbomb can at least make a good video

I was referring to Hbomb's videos but I was unclear in my phrasing, sorry.

 

[turditup]

Dan "Smell Those Feet, They're Hard to Beat" Schneider
Dan "Off the Clock, Ready for the Cock" Schneider
Dan "You Lick the Dick, it's You I Pick"
Schneider
Dan "To Work in This Town, Gotta Lift the Gown" Schneider
Dan "Pay the Dough For a Little Ho on the Amanda Show" Schneider
Dan "Stage Mom Briber" Schneider
Dan "Get a Little Flirty With Jeannette McCurdy" Schneider

Dan "Give the Salad a Toss with Drake & Josh" Schneider
Dan "Kicked from Nick for swinging his Dick" Schneider
Dan "Cum You Make-a-Me, You're in the Bakery" Schneider
Dan "Plugs his Nose with Children's Toes" Schneider
Dan "Give 'em Roles to Lick their Soles" Schneider
Dan "Even a Sock won't Block this Cock" Schneider
Dan "Though I Fell, There's Still Drake Bell" Schneider
Dan "Even a Sniffy will Give Me a Stiffy" Schneider
Dan "Look 'em in the Eyes and ask their Shoe Size" Schneider

 

[RickestRickCriminal]

Jesus fuck it's five hours long....

I am watching Twisted Minds, thought it was a joke the iCarly video was this long.
BOY, I WAS FUCKING WRONG

It's the FIRST EPISODE, FIRST, FIRST and he is describing each iCarly episode verbatim

 

[V4L_Penis]

big ups to macguyver16, your timestamped commentary has saved me 4 hours, you fucking legend

so i only watched his little closing bit in the last 5-6 mins of the video, so outside of the stuff in the first 90 min cut, i haven't caught any of his weight loss updates but HOLY FUCK HAHAHAHA

So to give a run down of his epilogue, it may shock you to learn trying to rewire your brain to associate daily iCarly with daily exercise didn't pan out, BUT WHERE SHIT GETS GOOD is that he says doing so actually fucking DEPRESSED him because of how "mean spirited" this show for tween girls was
DIRECT QUOTE: "I kept getting depressed because this show makes me feel like shit"

And apparently the announcement of the iCarly revival turbo charged his depression because he set himself an arbitrary deadline to get his video completed by, which he failed to make

Now you might be confused as to why he claims to have failed his deadline, he aimed to have the video out before the revival releases, which is June 17th, and he dropped this 5-hour spregathon on June 15th. Well it turns out he only cover HALF THE FUCKING SHOW. In 5 HOURS. He intends to make a SEQUEL VIDEO focusing on the rest of the show.

Fuck.

Now there's actually some more funny shit packed into this 5 minutes, he goes on to say, "we finished iCary Season 3, can we talk about exactly how much of an ACCOMPLISHMENT that really is?"
He also props up his want to get 500k subs again, which is funny, given how few subs he's gotten since dropping this video and how much he clearly wanted and expected this video to be a big boost for him,

But the big thing i think that really cements cements just how loathsome and pathetic the Q-meister is comes in the form of this very brief but powerful bit where he is clearly looking to start a pity party for himself because he didn't meet an arbitrary, impromptu, self-imposed deadline. (Here's a timestamped link, seriously check it out: https://youtu.be/dGhDiEt0rSQ?t=16860)

Man, crazy how when your insistent on making videos in this breaking down a show episode-by-episode, scene-by-scene with minimal commentary, you end up having a disgustingly verbose mess that can't be done in any reasonable timeframe because you're giving yourself an unnecessarily large workload.
Genuinely baffles me as to why he's made this, it won't connect with most of his existing fans given the retarded runtime, if anything it will highlight just how lethargic his style is and make him haemorrhage subs. Worst of all, he won't even get hate views from it, just look at the general reaction to this vid on this thread, when you start making shit even your haters can't stomach, you've fucked it.

TL;DR: Quinton is fat and sad

also he book ends it by highlighting shite looking fanart

Spoiler: Hideous.

View attachment 2267931

Excuse the power level, but as someone who was a big fan of Zyzz, I've always taken inspiration from the We're All Gonna Make It Brah meme and I genuinely believe that all but the most degenerate lolcows could turn it around given the right mindset and motivation. However, Quinton has consistently proven to be such a massive faggot that not even the Sickcunt himself could help him

 

[Trapped Under Rice]

Because I am apparently actually retarded, I am going to watch this whole thing. But I'll give my thoughts on the first two hours I've seen.

Spoiler: My History With Quinton

I have watched Quinton on and off for a long time, he probably got recommended to me back around 2015 when I watched a lot of YMS, RLM, I Hate Everything and Ralph the Moviemaker. Whether you like any of these creators or this genre, these people were capable of being very funny in their prime. Quinton always lacked that. He was kind of a second-tier hanger-on to the community. That being said, he has made content that I enjoy and rewatch on occasion: really just his History Channel videos. This is mostly because I have a lot of nostalgia for HC programming, and a frustration with the decline in its quality. So, to me, it's interesting for someone to analyze and comment on it, even if they're not funny. (Although in his typical reaching to be woke, he created a shirt for Ancient Aliens that said "Aliens Hate White People" that I've seriously considered buying because it's hilarious without context and is unintentionally the funniest thing Q has ever done). That being said, Quinton has no appeal of his own. He can only really be entertaining if he's talking about something you're already deeply interested in. That's very important because:

Spoiler: Why This Video, and Q Himself Suck

Quinton has gone further and further down the rabbit hole of stuff fewer and fewer people give a shit about. Whether it's the "lore movie" trashfire, or Garfield, or that Garfield ripoff, etc. etc. Now a five hour opus on a kids show no one has thought about in years? A good creator can make a video about something you thought you didn't care about and make it interesting. A perhaps cliché example might be Vsauce, who can make a video about something as esoteric as Zipf's Law (the observation that the logarithm of the frequency of a word in a sufficiently large text is linear when plotted against its rank-order, sounds fascinating, right?) and get millions of views. But unlike Vsauce, Q isn't funny or endearing. Watching Quinton review a comedy show really lays bare why he isn't funny. He is completely unable to suspend his real-world hangups and - like a complete fucking autist - analyzes comedy sketches on a moral level. The best example is where he talks about an episode where Sam and Carly are trying to see who can kiss a certain boy first. At the end of the episode the boy is in a coma, Quinton plays a clip where Carly kisses him, and I chuckle at the timing at execution of the joke. Q comes in with his "THiS iS VeRy PRObLEmATiC BeCAUse ConSEnt mE tOO RaPE NOt AlL FEmAlEs I BEliEVE HiM" shite. It's fucking non-stop with this man. He tries to make the Japan episode about Stop Asian Hate and the weird girl about "neurodivergent issues." His brain is so fucking addled by social justice and Asperger's that he can neither take or make a fucking joke.

TL;DR Twitter makes you a humorless, whinging faggot with no perspective on anything

Edit: Big, gay, unruly post - restructured for ease of reading.

 

[Woke Blue Muttlema]

The Aliens Don't Like White People shirt was only created out of spite because j aubrey (TRO's bf, who was a good friend of Q) was mocking him.

My favourite tweets as of late:

https://web.archive.org/web/20210607184017/https://twitter.com/Q_Review/status/1401960396190195719

Quinton Reviews 🎬 on Twitter

“i got to say the thing”

web.archive.org

Quinton Reviews 🎬 on Twitter

“https://t.co/janT8kp7gU”

web.archive.org

From good sources: He was quite amused by the idea.

I am a kiwi of my word and I fulfilled my duties even though by this point is even redundant. I watched the whole video (I recommend watching it at x1.5, Quinton drags words for too long and by playing at this velocity he sounds normal).

Considering I knew from the get-go this video was going to just be a snoozefest and I felt mentally and physically drained just by playing it in the background, I still feel disappointed. You can tell the second half was rushed and is not like the standard was that high. Consider this post a companion to what macguyver16 and myself already posted, as I took the common complaint amongst kiwis and Quintonians of the lack of sections as a secondary mission.

Each section will have its own notable timestamps of stuff that either already got clipped or I plan to clip myself.

* Quinton mispronounces A LOT. It would be useless to try to timestamp all instances because he does it in almost every other word.
* Is clear Quinton didn't write shit in blocks for better comprehension, so you have shit like he addressing what iCarly the web show was in three separate timestamps.

Season 1 (0:00-1:24:44)
2:45: The importance of iCarly. Introduction about the importance of the show and why is worth remembering. Based on how the video evolves and how Quinton keeps ripping it you get the exact opposite impression.
6:18: First Quinton interlude. The first leaked segment, filmed on January 28th. Already posted a more detailed account of it, but here is when Quinton talks about wanting to use the power of shitposting to lose weight. You can jump straight to the last timestamp to find out how that ended.
14:30: First episode. Proper start of the analysis and way to set up your expectations about the rest of the video.

• 18:41: Rant about apartment structure.

22:54: Second Quinton interlude. Quinton interrupts the flow of the video to talk about how he lost three pounds (300 to 297) in two weeks and celebrates it with Taco Bell.
23:22: Miranda Cosgrove. This part was supposed to be about the cast but he only talks about her.
24:54: Character dynamics. Quinton describes several episodes showcasing the evolution of the main cast.

• 36:35: iCarly, the show. Quinton tries to talk about the web show itself several times but never goes beyond calling it corny.
• 39:32: The not-so-private lives of the iCarly cast. In which Quinton talks about how through the web show he find snippets of the real-life of the crew.
• 39:44: MESSing with LEwbert. When Quinton talks about relating to Lewbert.
• 43:52: Fredward B. Benson, the heart of iCarly.
• 48:40: Nevel.
• 50:00: iGotMeToodByNevel. Quinton proposes that the scene in which Nevel steals a kiss from Carly for a good review is a stand-in for couching casting.
• 51:42: Artistic identity and integrity. Several episodes in which Quinton talks about how iCarly reflected the struggles of Internet creators to keep their voice while making bank.
• 1:00:27: Mandy, and the virtue of autism. Quinton gets extremely passionate while reading a fangirl character as autistic, when realistically it seems like he was reading himself in the character. You might believe this is a stretch but another segment later on and the overall tone of the analysis cement this interpretation.
• 1:02:54: Beatboxing your way to fame. Quinton missing the point that the reason this character was annoying to the cast is that he was desperate for attention from local celebrities.

1:04:02: Be Shay, Do Crime. Despite using a law advisor this segment barely cites Washington law or even keeps track of jail time.

• 1:15:28: Third Quinton interlude. The second biggest Q intermission from where most of the memes about this video come from.
• 1:16:10: Inside Carly. This segment was already clipped and is when Quinton talks about having nightmares in which he is Carly but keeps getting anxiety attacks.
• 1:19:07: Rant about iCarly viewing options. Quinton spent a lot just to watch this show correctly, which makes way worse what happens in the next intermission.
• 1:22:39: Twink Screen. A stupid joke worth remembering.
• 1:23:05: Photography and composition. The part in which Quinton tries to lecture you in photography while clearly knowing only the basics... in the most basic of all principles.

Season 2 (1:24:45-3:28:04)
1:24:45: Season 2 starts.
1:26:34: The writers barely disguised fetish. Not what you think, Quinton is saving the foot parts for a video in Schneider alone.
1:29:00: James is mine you thot. I gave up on being serious at this point. This is when Quinton talks about kiss stealing as sexual assault for the second time.
1:31:07: Fuck cancer patients. Quinton recounts the episode that referenced American Idol and was used by the writers to write their own headcanon.
1:35:27: Dan Schn**ider must hate Asian people. This bit was by far the most interesting that had not been mentioned before. Quinton claims that the writers of iCarly (especially Dan Schneider) must hate Asian people by the lackluster representation they get in the show. His main argument centers around the iGoToJapan episode, which is tropey/stereotypical (he even recognises is not a big departure from how other shows have represented Japan) only presented Japanese people as quirky goofballs or tricksters. The focus of this segment is centered around the use of Japanese, which you guessed it, is broken Google Translate tier and was spoken by actors (the siblings that trick iCarly) who were not natural. At the end Quinton mentions that a slur was said by one of them, you can know which specifically by searching "Japan banned words" and looking for their own version of retard. Bare in mind "r-slur but worse".
1:46:25: The Shay siblings and the Crazy Steve theory. This segment was supposed to tackle the Shays but instead focuses on dismantling the Crazy Steve theory.
1:55:14: iCarly, the show that was made. Quinton readdresses the show but this time he talks about what the web show really was. Segments in the iCarly website and web-exclusive content as well and the humour employed in it.
1:58:02: FRED crossover.
2:00:11: The economics of iCarly. Sort of the same principle as the artist bit but centered in money-making.
2:05:14: iCarly v. Dingo Channel. Very general overlook of the rivalry on Nick and Disney during the late 2000s. In my opinion, it was stupid in both parts, iCarly (as even Quinton sees it) was Is Always Sunny while Sonny with a Chance was just 30 Rock for tweens. The latter even got a spin-off that was just SNL for kids.
2:08:06: Character drama.
2:08:51: Quinton shipped Saddy. Quinton talks plenty about why he shipped Freddy and Sam and how he felt about shipping culture within the show. Even he admits this was tropey.
2:13:04: Assume the gender of the writer. Only including this gag instead of Freddy Gets Molested and iCarly Fan Theory because it's funny coming from a neckbeard.
2:13:30: The Kiss. Quinton talks very passionately about this. He does it several times across what remains of the video.
2:18:09: Quinton makes a self-aware character rant… then spends four minutes explaining it and its implications. Will clip this one later.
2:23:00: Quinton gets offended on behalf of women and black women. Similar in vibe to the Asian people hate bit but targeted towards the episode in which Sam tries to be more girly.
2:29:11: T-Bo plays the pickle card. Quinton being proud of himself for actually understanding a joke.
2:34:02: The Kiss, Act II.
2:35:03: Assume the gender of the writer, Act II.
2:38:54: Be Shay, Do Crime 2.
2:44:03: Kids Choice Awards Semi Lost Media. Quinton found lost media... jk, someone had it, hand it to Quinton and he decided to upload it to Vimeo under the name Clinton Loosecrews.
2:48:11: Meat Blip copypasta. Quinton at his best.
2:53:24: How I learned to stop worrying and love my homemade nuclear reactor. Quinton feels the purpose of his crime tally has been defeated once the crew accidentally makes a nuclear reactor.
2:55:39: The Great Season 3 debate. When the way in which the series has been divided confuses him as to what's next.
3:00:42: iCarly merchandise. This bit starts the longest Quinton intermission and is him flashing iCarly stuff he bought and never uses again. Pretty sure at least a couple of Benjamins lie in his parents' basement in the shape of Nick memorabilia.
3:04:50: Footage from an ongoing police investigation. The weird-looking screencaps in this thread come from this scene in which he records himself with an iCarly camera.
3:07:12: Internet Famous tutorial. Quinton plays a tutorial on how to use the camera and create content by the iCarly crew.

• 3:08:13: Self. Quinton reflects on his life choices.
• 3:10:57: Self 2. Quinton roasting the advice he received to make himself feel better.

3:11:42: iCarly, the web show. Web exclusive content and its status in the canon of the series.

Season 3 (3:28:06-4:39:16)
3:28:06: Season 3 starts.
3:30:16: Shipping Wars. More on shipping culture and Quinton reminiscing about how he felt in the moment.
3:32:06: The Kiss, Act III.
3:40:12: Other characters.

• 3:40:50: LEWbort.
• 3:48:48: iQuitiCarly
• 3:52:50: iSavedYourLife
• 4:00:32: GIBBEH! Quinton makes a huge deal of child nudity but doesn't talk much about Noah Munk himself.

4:18:49: Awkward soy stare. About the revival.
4:19:17: iBelieveInBigfoot. Quinton starts this bit by talking about how what he wanted to do this year got ruined because of his own doing.
4:25:23: Be Shay, Do Crime 3.
4:34:34: Internet Psycho. About Nora (the fangirl that kidnaps them). Similar to the Mandy rant but with less energy and a mention to that time she stole a kiss from Daniella Monet. Despite making a huge deal about kiss stealing in several instances, he encourages this.

4:39:20: What you want to watch. The part in which even Quinton asks you why bothering giving him views.

4:39:40 No Quinton, everything is not ok.

4:40:37 is this dude really going to use this show as an excuse for not turning his life around?

4:44:03 standard call to action, along with Q telling the audience to essentially get a life.

I think @turditup breakdown sums it up just nicely.

If any brave soul has a transcript of this entire thing I'd love to see it, not only to see how fucking long it is, but also because I think the video(even just the text) is a much better analysis of how much of a weirdo Quinton is.

Ask and you shall receive.

 

[Rotollo 2]

I have no idea why but people are actually going through quinton's overly long winded Quinton reviews vid for like 5 hours

 

[Mossy]

Fuck, that iCarly video is actually abysmal. I know it's not really unexpected from Quinton, but I did used to watch him a couple of years ago. I expected at least a little more effort to be put into this, but he really adds nothing of value. People who didn't know of or didn't like the show can't find anything of value in a poor recap of the occasional episode, and people that do like it aren't going to be impressed at the modern recaps because he just isn't funny, his voice gets grating, and he just can't analyze a show or movie for shit.
He has no background in filmmaking, he can't write, he doesn't have any talent. He can't break anything down in a traditional analysis, the most he really can do is recap.

 

[Angry Shoes]

I know people have called him autistic before (myself included) but god damn. He never ceases to outdo himself.

 

[Tathagata]

I know people have called him autistic before (myself included) but god damn. He never ceases to outdo himself.

If I recall correctly, the icarly episode where Quinton identifies that fan as autistic was just about her being overly attached and attempting to join with Cosgrove's crew. In that sense, it's easy to see how Quinton projected himself onto that girl. Like her, he is an autistic newcomer to a "cool kids" community (breadtube), was overly attached at first (contrapoints), and received backlash as annoying.

 

[Mal0]

Mildly unrelated, does anyone know the politics of SaltyDKDan? I was watching his stuff and noticed he makes a few jokes here and there that are left leaning, and combined with the fact that he has collabed with Q, as well as Q having a plush of him, kinda makes me think.

If it's obvious call me a retard, I don't really follow him besides watching his compilations on YT, so if he's a massive lefty on twitter or something let me know. Not that it would really change my enjoyment of his content if he was

 

[Likerseld]

Mildly unrelated, does anyone know the politics of SaltyDKDan? I was watching his stuff and noticed he makes a few jokes here and there that are left leaning, and combined with the fact that he has collabed with Q, as well as Q having a plush of him, kinda makes me think.

If it's obvious call me a retard, I don't really follow him besides watching his compilations on YT, so if he's a massive lefty on twitter or something let me know. Not that it would really change my enjoyment of his content if he was

Yes, you are definitely correct, he is in fact a massive lefty on Twitter! Even moreso on the last election night.

 

[HangEight]

Mildly unrelated, does anyone know the politics of SaltyDKDan? I was watching his stuff and noticed he makes a few jokes here and there that are left leaning, and combined with the fact that he has collabed with Q, as well as Q having a plush of him, kinda makes me think.

If it's obvious call me a retard, I don't really follow him besides watching his compilations on YT, so if he's a massive lefty on twitter or something let me know. Not that it would really change my enjoyment of his content if he was

Oh yeah he's a massive lefty. Still upset about the stuff Jontron did and apologized for several years ago, goes on weird political rants on Twitter all the time, and has collabed with Quinton more than once, safe to say he's one of Quinton's few actual YouTube friends

 

[Mal0]

Yes, you are definitely correct, he is in fact a massive lefty on Twitter! Even moreso on the last election night.

Oh yeah he's a massive lefty. Still upset about the stuff Jontron did and apologized for several years ago, goes on weird political rants on Twitter all the time, and has collabed with Quinton more than once, safe to say he's one of Quinton's few actual YouTube friends

You know, I had a strong feeling that was the case when he unironically made the joke of "gay baby jail". I have never once heard a person use that phrase who wasn't left leaning in any way or form. Then of course, him saying ACAB in a Mr.Krabs voice was another tipoff.

But unlike Quinton, lefties like SaltyDKDan and ScottTheWoz are actually entertaining, so I can enjoy their content even if I disagree with their politics. I'd give Quinton the same courtesy... you know... if his content was good. Even rewatching his old videos I liked I just get bored and turn on a different documentary style youtuber

 

[Criterion Rat]

22:54: Second Quinton interlude. Quinton interrupts the flow of the video to talk about how he lost three pounds (300 to 297) in two weeks and celebrates it with Taco Bell.

God that is so pathetic it's almost kind of depressing. It almost tops the classic "I had some mcdonalds and now I feel good Things are gonna be ok I think"

 

[New Account]

Did this retard really fuck up the icarly vid after hyping it up?

 

[Rotollo 2]

Did this retard really fuck up the icarly vid after hyping it up?

How does one fuck up something that was always doomed to fail?