r/polyamory -

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Crunchy Leaf

cronch
kiwifarms.net
The hypothesis I would offer is some people are more able to divorce sex from emotional intimacy. They are more able to see sex as a physical, impersonal need compared to more personalized emotional needs. The vast majority of people see sex as emotional too, but some people see it as a physical need only. There are cases where one partner is asexual too, and allows the other one to have sex outside the relationship as they can meet romantic and emotional needs but not sexual.
Why do people who are asexual date people who aren’t? This comes up on r/polyamory all the time and I don’t get it.
 

Shield Breaker

^_^
kiwifarms.net
The hypothesis I would offer is some people are more able to divorce sex from emotional intimacy. They are more able to see sex as a physical, impersonal need compared to more personalized emotional needs. The vast majority of people see sex as emotional too, but some people see it as a physical need only. There are cases where one partner is asexual too, and allows the other one to have sex outside the relationship as they can meet romantic and emotional needs but not sexual.
So, you're saying they're emotionally rețarded?
 

PrincessHomura

Kiwi of Caring and Fiery Passion
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Why do people who are asexual date people who aren’t? This comes up on r/polyamory all the time and I don’t get it.
A large number of people who claim to be asexual likely got into the relationship, then fell out of love with the person but wants to keep all of the benefits from having someone who can pay at least half (probably more) of all their stuff, so they claim to be asexual so they can keep using them without having to put out for someone they don't want to sleep with anymore.
 

Frog Gremlin

kiwifarms.net
A large number of people who claim to be asexual likely got into the relationship, then fell out of love with the person but wants to keep all of the benefits from having someone who can pay at least half (probably more) of all their stuff, so they claim to be asexual so they can keep using them without having to put out for someone they don't want to sleep with anymore.
I'd buy this theory if 90% of the asexual people I've seen/met online weren't perpetually single. honestly this seems so specific it makes me curious if it happened to you.
 

Tanner Glass

kiwifarms.net
Can somebody please shed light, on why a couple would even desire a hookup, in any way shape or form? If your emotional energy is focused on only one person, why is somebody else in your bed?
Primarily because it's one of the biggest "sounds good until you do it" type of thing for most people - it's something that's presented as a good and cool thing in most media (and featured heavily in porn) and it's treated like a fantasy by a very large number of people. The idea that some people would actually look to do it isn't remarkably surprising considering all of the factors involved.
 

AnOminous

Really?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
An "expert" ... oh sorry, an Expert weighs in ...


Some comments are pretty salty ...
More utter bullshit. Yet another ephemeral sexual fad (like the "Sexual Revolution" or "swinging") is being portrayed as the wave of the future instead of a disastrous social experiment that will, like the others, be abandoned when people realize they were sold a bill of goods.
 

TaimuRadiu

Kaiserin
kiwifarms.net
Can somebody please shed light, on why a couple would even desire a hookup, in any way shape or form? If your emotional energy is focused on only one person, why is somebody else in your bed?

The advantage of having a monogamous relationship, is that you have a sex partner at your beck and call. How much sex, can a person take? If you want somebody else between your legs, why are you wasting your time with your (apparently) insignificant other? S/he is obviously lacking something, that a third party has to offer. Why waste your time with any of it?

Find the right person, behave properly from the get-go, so that Mr. or Ms. Right does not see you as a would-be cheater.

Or be a whore and take in a multiman soup.

As for men, be prepared for a lot of hurt feelings and drama.
Some people just want to coom
 

queerape

Gorilla gorilla goes Gorillaz
kiwifarms.net
So, you're saying they're emotionally rețarded?
Put it this way: at a minimum everyone who is emotionally exceptional can divorce emotions and sex, even if not everyone who can divorce emotions from sex is necessarily emotionally exceptional. Plenty of people are capable of having meaningless hookups at one point and then finding a meaningful stable relationship at a different point, yet don’t do stuff like polyamory or open relationships. Some people are just promiscuous their whole lives and don’t get romantically attached to anyway, yet they still have friends and family and a rich social life, which generally you cannot do if you are emotionally exceptional.
 

Non-Expert!

Feel free to misgender me.
kiwifarms.net
Put it this way: at a minimum everyone who is emotionally exceptional can divorce emotions and sex, even if not everyone who can divorce emotions from sex is necessarily emotionally exceptional. Plenty of people are capable of having meaningless hookups at one point and then finding a meaningful stable relationship at a different point, yet don’t do stuff like polyamory or open relationships. Some people are just promiscuous their whole lives and don’t get romantically attached to anyway, yet they still have friends and family and a rich social life, which generally you cannot do if you are emotionally exceptional.
If you go by what the Wikipedia article says, Polyamory, as opposed to "screwing around," "cheating," or "free love" is somewhat codified and contractual by nature.


Justify it with philosophies and ethics and identities. Spin it any way you wish, but at the end of the day, your gonna overhear your partner having sex with someone else. The rest is all just word salad.

It is sort of a game of semantics and double standards. If you have an education or are information-rich, you call yourself polyamorous. If you are information-poor, you are promiscuous.

Sex without attachments has been the "wave of the future" since the 1920's. It is analogous to the decrepit entertainer Madonna, who redefined herself every few years.
 

queerape

Gorilla gorilla goes Gorillaz
kiwifarms.net
Sex without attachments has been the "wave of the future" since the 1920's. It is analogous to the decrepit entertainer Madonna, who redefined herself every few years.
The strangest part of every generation treating it as a “cool new thing” is the fact that it’s been around since literally pre history. It’s never been new. Even in whatever trad era people think is free of it, it still existed in some form. Prostitution is the oldest profession after all for a reason. The most curious part to me is it seems comparable portions of people prefer it each generation and the only thing that varies is the openness. You have a majority of people who prefer committed monogamy but there’s always a minority illsuited to that even in the tradliest of societies. But no matter what the majority of sane people will pick stability and commitment over forever hookups ot poly amorous arrangements
 

Harvey Danger

getting tired of this whole internet thing
kiwifarms.net
Three lovers? Your heart feels full?

Just your heart?

Odd, how her 3 lovers aren't weighing in ...
Do none of these people just have "friends"? It seems like everyone they enjoy talking to, they try to convert into a sexual relationship. Most of the pain is from people previously in a sexual relationship that withers away into merely "still enjoys talking to them".

The only characters in these stories are lovers, potential lovers, previous lovers, and family.
 

Non-Expert!

Feel free to misgender me.
kiwifarms.net
Do none of these people just have "friends"? It seems like everyone they enjoy talking to, they try to convert into a sexual relationship. Most of the pain is from people previously in a sexual relationship that withers away into merely "still enjoys talking to them".

The only characters in these stories are lovers, potential lovers, previous lovers, and family.
True ... but we are also seeing what they post on /r/polyamory. We aren't seeing them in other contexts, like their interest in WW2 battleships, French cooking, finch breeding, whatever. Also, don't hear people attend the weddings, baby showers, holiday meals, etc of their non-poly friends? So we aren't hearing about the way they cope with other facets of their lives. The absence of evidence does not mean that none exists.

However, monogamous relationships also take a good chunk out of your life. Part of it is maintaining peace and harmony with this partner, living with each other's bad habits, anticipating their down moments, not hurting them by comission or omission, etc. Sex is also tied into all of this. So if you add more partners to your household, how can you realistically have time and energy to pursue much else?

These folks have boundaries that are fluid. So perhaps they are habituated to confusing friendship and sexual attraction. Or little in common with somebody whose crotch is off limits.
 

Non-Expert!

Feel free to misgender me.
kiwifarms.net
The strangest part of every generation treating it as a “cool new thing” is the fact that it’s been around since literally pre history. It’s never been new. Even in whatever trad era people think is free of it, it still existed in some form. Prostitution is the oldest profession after all for a reason. The most curious part to me is it seems comparable portions of people prefer it each generation and the only thing that varies is the openness. You have a majority of people who prefer committed monogamy but there’s always a minority illsuited to that even in the tradliest of societies. But no matter what the majority of sane people will pick stability and commitment over forever hookups ot poly amorous arrangements
Supporting evidence.
 

queerape

Gorilla gorilla goes Gorillaz
kiwifarms.net
However, monogamous relationships also take a good chunk out of your life. Part of it is maintaining peace and harmony with this partner, living with each other's bad habits, anticipating their down moments, not hurting them by comission or omission, etc. Sex is also tied into all of this. So if you add more partners to your household, how can you realistically have time and energy to pursue much else?

These folks have boundaries that are fluid. So perhaps they are habituated to confusing friendship and sexual attraction. Or little in common with somebody whose crotch is off limits.
I think you hit the nail on the head with this one.